Nothing Will Do Us Part - Chapter 1
Title: Nothing Will Do Us Part
Rating: PG
Pairing: Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Word count: 2,073 (inclusive of lyrics)
Summary: AU. Stevie is a cop and Xabi's a doctor.
Disclaimer: None of all that you're about to read is true. It's all in my head... ...
Lyrics from Westlife's 'No Place That Far'
Nothing Will Do Us Part
Chapter 1:
No Place That Far
At first there was anger. Irrepressible waves of anger directed at those murderers. He shouted, he yelled and he cursed. He kicked, he punched and he head-butted. But nothing he did could bring Xabi back.
He had watched as they were put behind bars. But what use would that serve? Anger continued to boil in him. They should be put to death! A life for a life! It took the combined efforts of John, Frank and Mikey to prevent him from getting his hands on one of them. He didn’t thank his fellow comrades. Maybe if he was allowed to unleash a massacre on the mafia, he would be sentence to death and then he could join Xabi in the other life.
‘Are you insane?! He wouldn’t want you to do that!’ Someone had said - he could not remember if it was John, Frank or Mikey.
He allowed himself to be taken back to his apartment by somebody. He suspected it was Mikey. That somebody had put the wreck that was barely considered a living being into bed.
‘I’m sorry.’ The person had said, sympathetically. ‘Go to sleep. I’ll come again later.’
The curtains were drawn and the door was closed, leaving Stevie alone with the shadows.
The anger subsided and was quickly replaced by sadness and loss. He sobbed and he cried, he mourned and he howled, all in the darkness of his room where he knew nobody would witness it. In the end, he cried himself to sleep. And he dreamt of Xabi.
I can't imagine any greater fear
Than waking up without you here
And though the sun would still shine on
My whole world would all be gone
But not for long
Why was it only after one loses something does one realise how important that thing was? It was human nature to take things for granted and Stevie was human. Thus, he was guilty of that crime.
When Mikey could not longer take care of him, he struggled to survive on his own. He did not blame his dear friend. Michael had his own life to look forward to… with David. His colleagues dropped by occasionally and tried to console him. John had granted Stevie indefinite absence from work.
‘As long as you need to recover.’ The chief detective had said.
But Stevie could never recover. There was no Doctor Alonso to heal him this time.
Stevie tried living life without Xabi around. But failed miserably. He felt lost without Xabi’s meticulous comments. There was no Xabi to remind him to switch off the stove or lights before leaving the house. There was no Xabi tell him to be careful just before he leaves for work. There was no Xabi to look forward to snuggling up to when he comes back home.
Every inch of the house reminded him of Xabi. Every dream was filled with him. Every moment was exhausted on thinking of the times they spent together. Every second of life without Xabi was a torture.
After sadness and lost came guilt, remorse and incompetence. He was a cop but failed to protect the one that he loved. Eventually, he quit his job. Xabi never liked him being a detective. He kept telling him to choose another profession, but Stevie insisted on staying with the police force.
‘It’s my childhood ambition.’ He had said.
‘Then try to be less of a show-off. Stop jumping into the path of a bullet.’ Xabi sounded exasperated but extremely concerned at the same time.
‘Why? That way you’ll see more of me at the hospital. Don’t you like that?’ Stevie chuckled, wrapping his arms around his Spanish lover’s waist, pulling him closer for a kiss.
But Xabi put his hands on Stevie’s chest to stop him. ‘I’m serious, Stevie!’ He cupped his face and looked into his eyes. ‘I think I need to see a cardiologist every time I hear about a shoot-out on the news or I see the nurses wheeling a cop into the emergency room because it could be you!’
Stevie would sigh and think that Xabi’s worries were uncalled for. Nonetheless, he hugged the doctor and promised to be extra careful in future.
If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There's no place that far
He chose to turn to alcohol for escape and release. The pain of loosing Xabi was too much for him to handle. Only in his dreams and drunken state can he see Xabi and forget about the pain.
He downed jugs after jugs of any kind of alcohol he could get his hands on. He stayed in the pubs until the staff had to chase him out at dawn. Then he would go back to his messy Xabi-less apartment and slept till he could not sleep anymore. He would wake up with the nastiest hangover on earth but ignored it. He hits the pubs after a quick shower. And the cycle starts all over again.
He ran into his old colleagues nearly two years after Xabi’s death. Nearly two years… He had wasted his life for nearly two years. Though the staff had to constantly drive him away from the pubs after closing hours, they never turned him away during working hours. After all, he was a customer and he was neither violent nor a troublemaker.
‘Stevie!’ Carra shouted from some corner of the dimly lit pub.
He had to squint his eyes to make out the shapes of his friends. He stumbled towards them. The alcoholic lifestyle weakened him. He was still sober though that night, having just set foot into the bar. He muttered an incoherent ‘Hey’ and sat beside Jamie who handed him a beer.
‘Haven’t seen you in a long while, Gerrard. What’ve you been up to lately?’ Frank asked.
Stevie smiled but did not answer. He emptied half the can in one gulp. And finished it in another. But one can was not enough. He continued to drink like he had been doing the past few months. Frank and Carra told him to stop, but he ignored them and continued. It became clear to them what Stevie had been ‘up to lately’. They become frustrated with his behaviour.
Frank lunged Stevie outside, the rest followed. He pushed Stevie into an alley and against a wall. John warned Frank not to rough him up too badly. They were men and showed their concern for each other in a most physical manner usually unfathomable to women.
‘So this is how you’ve been living the past few months?’ Frank yelled into his face.
‘Leave me alone.’ Stevie murmured and attempted to push Frank away.
‘Wake up, Stevie! He’s gone! Living like this won’t bring him back!’
Stevie grabbed Frank by the collar and looked at him pleadingly. ‘You’re right. It won’t. So tell me what I can do to bring him back.’
It rendered Frank speechless. He let him go and Stevie looked at the others for an answer. When no one did, he walked away unsteadily. They could only look on. Much as they wanted to help, they could not. Not if Stevie chose to continue to wallow in sorrow.
It wouldn't matter why we're apart
Lonely months, two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of God above
Could turn me away from your love
I need you that much
Michael came back a while later. Stevie was glad to see him, but the same could not be said for Mikey. They had a quarrel in his apartment about his undesirable lifestyle. Mikey stormed out after they were both exhausted and could think of no more arguments.
He left Stevie alone again. But not for long.
And it was a good thing he did.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…’ Mikey said, but Stevie quickly shut him up.
‘No, I should be sorry.’ He embraced his friend. ‘Thank you for coming back. I did a bit of thinking while you were gone. I was so afraid you were going to abandon me like he did.’
‘He didn’t abandon you, Stevie. And I won’t either.’
Michael helped him clean up the apartment. But no amount of cleaning could erase traces of Xabi from the house. Mikey knew it would not be a good idea to leave Stevie to his own devices again.
‘Come with me and David.’ He suggested.
Stevie looked at him with a raised brow. ‘And why would your superstar boyfriend want a wasted man like me?’
‘You… can be his personal bodyguard or something. I’m sure we can find something for you to do. Anything beats staying here.’
After much persuading and pestering, Stevie gave in. Mikey was elated. Stevie understood his delight. His friend followed Beckham around like a lovesick puppy. Every time Stevie read the tabloids about Becks’ hectic romantic life, he could only imagine how upset and alone Mikey must feel. Maybe joining Beckham’s entourage would do both Stevie and Mikey some good.
If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There's no place that far
From England to America, then to Asia and finally back to Europe… Stevie travelled with the superstar as he staged a worldwide concert tour. It has been two years since he left his shabby apartment in London. And another two years since Xabi left him.
Mikey and David were much happier together because of Stevie. He would not stand for David’s infidelity towards Mikey. Stevie’s consistent death threats must have knocked some sense - if not fear - into the pop star.
Stevie barely changed. He continued to blame himself for Xabi’s demise. Mikey’s presence helped take his mind off Xabi. When Mikey wasn’t around, there was nothing to stop him from thinking of the Spaniard. But sometimes, even with Mikey around, Stevie could not stop his mind from conjuring images of Xabi.
“Thinking of him again?” Michael asked, reading Stevie’s thoughts perfectly. “Maybe we shouldn’t have come to Spain. I should have asked David to choose another holiday destination.”
Mikey was ever so thoughtful and sensitive. Stevie smiled. “No, it’s alright. San Sebastian’s great.”
They continued their early morning walk along the beach in silence. Contrary to Mikey’s belief, Stevie was actually looking forward to their vacation. The tranquillity and quietness of the famous Spanish beach resort were a huge contrast to the hustle and bustle of the cities where Beckham performed. It has only been a day since they arrived but Stevie was already beginning to feel more relaxed and unburdened for the first time in four years.
“You sure you’re alright, Stevie?”
“I’m fine. Thanks.” They had stopped walking and turned to face the sea to watch the sun make its daily climb into the sky. “Mikey… I want to be alone.”
Michael nodded. He understood Stevie’s need. Perhaps he had been too bothersome. He turned around and made his way back to the resort. If luck would have it, he might catch David still asleep in his room.
Stevie removed his shoes and took a few steps forward. The cool seawater was refreshing on a hot summer day. He kicked at the water, hard, creating great big splashes. Stevie hated the sea violently. It was the sea that took Xabi away from his side. It was the sea that swallowed Xabi. He watched as the waves washed over his feet, as though trying to pull him along with them.
What, are you trying to take me too?
And then it hit him. He wondered why he did not think of it four years ago. He could never bring Xabi back, but he sure can go to him. He took his first step into the water, feeling both excited and fearful. He wadded in until the water level came up to his waist. Then, he left the waves carry him further out to sea. Slowly, the sea began to engulf him. First his chest, then his shoulders and finally his head. He closed his eyes as his head went underwater. When he was fully submerged, he counted to 10 before taking a deep painful breath.
Xabi, I’m coming.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Word count: 2,073 (inclusive of lyrics)
Summary: AU. Stevie is a cop and Xabi's a doctor.
Disclaimer: None of all that you're about to read is true. It's all in my head... ...
Lyrics from Westlife's 'No Place That Far'
Nothing Will Do Us Part
Chapter 1:
No Place That Far
At first there was anger. Irrepressible waves of anger directed at those murderers. He shouted, he yelled and he cursed. He kicked, he punched and he head-butted. But nothing he did could bring Xabi back.
He had watched as they were put behind bars. But what use would that serve? Anger continued to boil in him. They should be put to death! A life for a life! It took the combined efforts of John, Frank and Mikey to prevent him from getting his hands on one of them. He didn’t thank his fellow comrades. Maybe if he was allowed to unleash a massacre on the mafia, he would be sentence to death and then he could join Xabi in the other life.
‘Are you insane?! He wouldn’t want you to do that!’ Someone had said - he could not remember if it was John, Frank or Mikey.
He allowed himself to be taken back to his apartment by somebody. He suspected it was Mikey. That somebody had put the wreck that was barely considered a living being into bed.
‘I’m sorry.’ The person had said, sympathetically. ‘Go to sleep. I’ll come again later.’
The curtains were drawn and the door was closed, leaving Stevie alone with the shadows.
The anger subsided and was quickly replaced by sadness and loss. He sobbed and he cried, he mourned and he howled, all in the darkness of his room where he knew nobody would witness it. In the end, he cried himself to sleep. And he dreamt of Xabi.
I can't imagine any greater fear
Than waking up without you here
And though the sun would still shine on
My whole world would all be gone
But not for long
Why was it only after one loses something does one realise how important that thing was? It was human nature to take things for granted and Stevie was human. Thus, he was guilty of that crime.
When Mikey could not longer take care of him, he struggled to survive on his own. He did not blame his dear friend. Michael had his own life to look forward to… with David. His colleagues dropped by occasionally and tried to console him. John had granted Stevie indefinite absence from work.
‘As long as you need to recover.’ The chief detective had said.
But Stevie could never recover. There was no Doctor Alonso to heal him this time.
Stevie tried living life without Xabi around. But failed miserably. He felt lost without Xabi’s meticulous comments. There was no Xabi to remind him to switch off the stove or lights before leaving the house. There was no Xabi tell him to be careful just before he leaves for work. There was no Xabi to look forward to snuggling up to when he comes back home.
Every inch of the house reminded him of Xabi. Every dream was filled with him. Every moment was exhausted on thinking of the times they spent together. Every second of life without Xabi was a torture.
After sadness and lost came guilt, remorse and incompetence. He was a cop but failed to protect the one that he loved. Eventually, he quit his job. Xabi never liked him being a detective. He kept telling him to choose another profession, but Stevie insisted on staying with the police force.
‘It’s my childhood ambition.’ He had said.
‘Then try to be less of a show-off. Stop jumping into the path of a bullet.’ Xabi sounded exasperated but extremely concerned at the same time.
‘Why? That way you’ll see more of me at the hospital. Don’t you like that?’ Stevie chuckled, wrapping his arms around his Spanish lover’s waist, pulling him closer for a kiss.
But Xabi put his hands on Stevie’s chest to stop him. ‘I’m serious, Stevie!’ He cupped his face and looked into his eyes. ‘I think I need to see a cardiologist every time I hear about a shoot-out on the news or I see the nurses wheeling a cop into the emergency room because it could be you!’
Stevie would sigh and think that Xabi’s worries were uncalled for. Nonetheless, he hugged the doctor and promised to be extra careful in future.
If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There's no place that far
He chose to turn to alcohol for escape and release. The pain of loosing Xabi was too much for him to handle. Only in his dreams and drunken state can he see Xabi and forget about the pain.
He downed jugs after jugs of any kind of alcohol he could get his hands on. He stayed in the pubs until the staff had to chase him out at dawn. Then he would go back to his messy Xabi-less apartment and slept till he could not sleep anymore. He would wake up with the nastiest hangover on earth but ignored it. He hits the pubs after a quick shower. And the cycle starts all over again.
He ran into his old colleagues nearly two years after Xabi’s death. Nearly two years… He had wasted his life for nearly two years. Though the staff had to constantly drive him away from the pubs after closing hours, they never turned him away during working hours. After all, he was a customer and he was neither violent nor a troublemaker.
‘Stevie!’ Carra shouted from some corner of the dimly lit pub.
He had to squint his eyes to make out the shapes of his friends. He stumbled towards them. The alcoholic lifestyle weakened him. He was still sober though that night, having just set foot into the bar. He muttered an incoherent ‘Hey’ and sat beside Jamie who handed him a beer.
‘Haven’t seen you in a long while, Gerrard. What’ve you been up to lately?’ Frank asked.
Stevie smiled but did not answer. He emptied half the can in one gulp. And finished it in another. But one can was not enough. He continued to drink like he had been doing the past few months. Frank and Carra told him to stop, but he ignored them and continued. It became clear to them what Stevie had been ‘up to lately’. They become frustrated with his behaviour.
Frank lunged Stevie outside, the rest followed. He pushed Stevie into an alley and against a wall. John warned Frank not to rough him up too badly. They were men and showed their concern for each other in a most physical manner usually unfathomable to women.
‘So this is how you’ve been living the past few months?’ Frank yelled into his face.
‘Leave me alone.’ Stevie murmured and attempted to push Frank away.
‘Wake up, Stevie! He’s gone! Living like this won’t bring him back!’
Stevie grabbed Frank by the collar and looked at him pleadingly. ‘You’re right. It won’t. So tell me what I can do to bring him back.’
It rendered Frank speechless. He let him go and Stevie looked at the others for an answer. When no one did, he walked away unsteadily. They could only look on. Much as they wanted to help, they could not. Not if Stevie chose to continue to wallow in sorrow.
It wouldn't matter why we're apart
Lonely months, two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of God above
Could turn me away from your love
I need you that much
Michael came back a while later. Stevie was glad to see him, but the same could not be said for Mikey. They had a quarrel in his apartment about his undesirable lifestyle. Mikey stormed out after they were both exhausted and could think of no more arguments.
He left Stevie alone again. But not for long.
And it was a good thing he did.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…’ Mikey said, but Stevie quickly shut him up.
‘No, I should be sorry.’ He embraced his friend. ‘Thank you for coming back. I did a bit of thinking while you were gone. I was so afraid you were going to abandon me like he did.’
‘He didn’t abandon you, Stevie. And I won’t either.’
Michael helped him clean up the apartment. But no amount of cleaning could erase traces of Xabi from the house. Mikey knew it would not be a good idea to leave Stevie to his own devices again.
‘Come with me and David.’ He suggested.
Stevie looked at him with a raised brow. ‘And why would your superstar boyfriend want a wasted man like me?’
‘You… can be his personal bodyguard or something. I’m sure we can find something for you to do. Anything beats staying here.’
After much persuading and pestering, Stevie gave in. Mikey was elated. Stevie understood his delight. His friend followed Beckham around like a lovesick puppy. Every time Stevie read the tabloids about Becks’ hectic romantic life, he could only imagine how upset and alone Mikey must feel. Maybe joining Beckham’s entourage would do both Stevie and Mikey some good.
If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There's no place that far
From England to America, then to Asia and finally back to Europe… Stevie travelled with the superstar as he staged a worldwide concert tour. It has been two years since he left his shabby apartment in London. And another two years since Xabi left him.
Mikey and David were much happier together because of Stevie. He would not stand for David’s infidelity towards Mikey. Stevie’s consistent death threats must have knocked some sense - if not fear - into the pop star.
Stevie barely changed. He continued to blame himself for Xabi’s demise. Mikey’s presence helped take his mind off Xabi. When Mikey wasn’t around, there was nothing to stop him from thinking of the Spaniard. But sometimes, even with Mikey around, Stevie could not stop his mind from conjuring images of Xabi.
“Thinking of him again?” Michael asked, reading Stevie’s thoughts perfectly. “Maybe we shouldn’t have come to Spain. I should have asked David to choose another holiday destination.”
Mikey was ever so thoughtful and sensitive. Stevie smiled. “No, it’s alright. San Sebastian’s great.”
They continued their early morning walk along the beach in silence. Contrary to Mikey’s belief, Stevie was actually looking forward to their vacation. The tranquillity and quietness of the famous Spanish beach resort were a huge contrast to the hustle and bustle of the cities where Beckham performed. It has only been a day since they arrived but Stevie was already beginning to feel more relaxed and unburdened for the first time in four years.
“You sure you’re alright, Stevie?”
“I’m fine. Thanks.” They had stopped walking and turned to face the sea to watch the sun make its daily climb into the sky. “Mikey… I want to be alone.”
Michael nodded. He understood Stevie’s need. Perhaps he had been too bothersome. He turned around and made his way back to the resort. If luck would have it, he might catch David still asleep in his room.
Stevie removed his shoes and took a few steps forward. The cool seawater was refreshing on a hot summer day. He kicked at the water, hard, creating great big splashes. Stevie hated the sea violently. It was the sea that took Xabi away from his side. It was the sea that swallowed Xabi. He watched as the waves washed over his feet, as though trying to pull him along with them.
What, are you trying to take me too?
And then it hit him. He wondered why he did not think of it four years ago. He could never bring Xabi back, but he sure can go to him. He took his first step into the water, feeling both excited and fearful. He wadded in until the water level came up to his waist. Then, he left the waves carry him further out to sea. Slowly, the sea began to engulf him. First his chest, then his shoulders and finally his head. He closed his eyes as his head went underwater. When he was fully submerged, he counted to 10 before taking a deep painful breath.
Xabi, I’m coming.