Take My Breath Away, NC17, J2
Author: candygramme
Beta: spoonlessone for whom I have the utmost gratitude. She rocks my world.
Rating: R
Pairing: Slash: J2
Word count: 2,000
Warning: Mild spoilers for My Bloody Valentine.
A/N: The story was written for rockin_the_80s and it follows on from Rockferry but it does stand alone. I wrote it way back, and then forgot to post it, so now I am making things tidy.
~~~
He's not yours, asshole. Just forget it and move on.
Wise words, but not so easily implemented. Jensen tried hard, he tried every day to forget the feel of Jared, the warmth of him in his arms and the sweetness of his kisses. At least he was in Pennsylvania, and Jared was in Austin, and he had time to squash those unwelcome, desperate emotions down before they would return to start filming season 4. Jensen hoped that a couple of months would be enough and tried to pretend that thoughts of Jared didn't float up unbidden into his mind pretty much every moment of every day.
To begin with, Jared had called him, leaving message after message on his cell. He'd responded each time by texting him one word - 'later'. He wasn't going to give in, because Jared belonged to Sandy, and that was that. The End!
But he couldn't stop wanting what they'd had, despite the fact that he'd been the one to end it. When he wasn’t paying attention, he'd find his thoughts drifting to dimpled smiles, wide and bright, and slanted, almond eyes, catlike and cunning. Sense-memories of long, nimble fingers - cradling, caressing, owning - were just around the corner, threatening to wreck his determined attempt to break free, and he'd thrown himself into the character of Tom Hanniger, his antidote to thoughts of Jared.
Tom Hanniger was different - definitely not Dean, and definitely not in love with anyone. He could lose himself in Tom, terrified, hag-ridden Tom, so fragile he'd broken before the movie even began and who gave him the opportunity to break things instead of breaking down.
He'd thought that this was how life was going to be from now on, and resigned himself to it. He invited Danneel to go experience the delights of Pennsylvania, because she was a distraction with her pithy sense of humor and her sarcasm. She'd been there most weekends, and he was grateful to her for helping to fill his days, missed her when she went back to LA to film a guest spot on some procedural show.
The days passed, each one bleeding into the next, and Jared stopped calling. He'd been grateful for that. He wasn't expecting it when he was sitting, prepping for a scene one day, and his phone beeped to tell him he had a text message.
Checking his phone, he could see straight away that it was from Jared, and his heart gave a painful little thump at the reminder of all he'd turned his back on. He'd been intending to dump the message without reading it, he really had, but just then the lighting tech had called that it would be another half hour before they could go again, and he just didn't have the willpower. He thumbed open the message, knowing he shouldn't, knowing how stupid he was being, and read.
Call me; I really need you right now.
How many times had he hidden away from Jared since he'd told him that they weren't going to keep leading double lives? He hadn't kept count, but he knew it was a lot. Still, there was something different about this text. Usually, when Jared texted him, it would be something like, guna b l8 c u 8 or 9. This new message was in plain English, and Jensen felt a stab of unease as he pondered it. Glancing around the set, he could see the technicians busily putting the charges in place for the explosion that would happen when 'Sarah's' bullet hit the fuse box. Work wasn't going to save him.
Sighing, he dialed Jared.
"Jensen?" Jared's voice sounded thick and hoarse, as though he had a cold. "Jensen, is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me. What's the problem, dude?" He was trying his damnedest not to sound too welcoming, too happy to hear Jared's voice, because he knew that all it would take was one little slip, and he'd be right back where he started. Jared was an addiction, as unsubtle and tragic as any crack, and Jensen was clean and sober, or at least he wanted to think of himself that way.
"I ended it, Jen. I told her…" The voice on the other end of the line broke, and Jensen heard a muffled sound that might have been a sob.
"Jared?" He sat up straight in his chair, trying to ignore the sudden tingle of apprehension flooding through him. "Dude, what?"
"Sandy an' me…" Jared was definitely crying; Jensen could hear it in his voice, hear the sniffle that accompanied his words. "We're all done."
"Jesus, Jay, why? What did you do?" The world seemed to lurch to a halt, then start again, with all its colors muted, all its sounds gone faint and fuzzy.
"Can't do it without you, Jen." The words rippled through his body, warming him, sending a shiver along his nerve-endings. "I've tried, but I can't. Please, Jen, can I come see you?"
Jensen bit his lip. There was a convention coming up in a matter of days, and although he wasn't going to make it, he knew that Jared was still on the hook for it. He could feel his heart skip-thump-skipping in a tattoo against the inside of his chest, feel the heat flooding his lower abdomen at the thought of Jared. Jared would be his again, standing too close, invading his space, loving him until all his judgment went out the window. "Dude, what are you going to tell the fans? They'll crucify you if you don't show at the con."
"I can be back in time for the con." Jared's voice was eager now, and the sound of it was dripping onto Jensen's senses like honey, awakening dreams he'd thought gone forever. "If I come now, that'll give me a day and a half. Please, Jen; I need to see you."
"I'm gonna be filming; you know that, don't you?" He hadn't said yes. He had that much dignity left. Of course, he hadn't said no, either, and that, right there, was the bottom line. Mentally he was already calculating the flying time between Austin and Pittsburgh.
"See you around 7 your time." Jared didn't wait for anything more. "I'll call you for directions when I get out of the airport, okay?"
The line went dead before Jensen could say anything in response, and it was apparent that he wasn't risking the possibility of Jensen telling him not to come. Somehow that made Jensen happier than he'd been in a very long time.
The view down towards the opening of the mine was still thronged with carpenters and lighting techs bustling about, and he could feel the sun on the back of his neck. He took a deep breath and prepared to channel his inner psychopath with a smile on his lips.
~~~
The airport was almost deserted when Jensen arrived to meet the plane he thought might be bringing Jared to him. He lounged in the Starbucks, dressed in his oldest, most comfortable jeans and a faded green hoodie over a T-shirt that proclaimed him a Led Zeppelin fan. He had the script with him, and he was attempting - unsuccessfully - to learn his lines for the next day's shoot. Raising his coffee to his lips, he kept his eyes on the 'Arrivals' board, waiting for the Austin plane to be announced.
It took him by surprise when it finally landed, because he'd somehow managed to lose himself in the coming fight between himself and Kerr's character, and the sound of his phone chirping made him jump.
"Where are you, dude?" he asked, flipping his phone open.
"I'm here. Just gonna go find a rental," was the reply, and Jensen hastily gathered his stuff and rose to his feet.
"Don't do that. Just come to the Starbucks," he said, closing the phone and scanning the passengers as they straggled through and out of the secure area.
When he finally saw Jared, he couldn't move at first. He stood breathless, frozen to the spot, wondering if this encounter was going to make his year or fuck him up for the rest of his life.
Jared looked exhausted. He was wearing dark glasses, and had the inevitable beanie pulled down over his too-long locks so that only wisps straggled out around the edges. There was a slump to his shoulders that Jensen didn't recall ever seeing on him before, and he was dressed in ragged jeans and a grey T-shirt with a plaid button-down over it, the sleeves rolled up to the elbow revealing sinewy brown forearms.
As Jared started to walk towards the Starbucks, Jensen suddenly remembered to breathe, and felt himself lurch forward, drawn towards him as if he were his polar opposite.
"Hi," he said, voice whisper-soft. "You got bags?"
"Under my eyes," was the response, and Jared bumped his shoulder. "You got a car?"
"Yeah. Come on." Jensen turned and led the way to where he'd parked his rental. They said nothing further as they reached the car, only speaking in platitudes as Jensen pointed them back towards Bethel and the hotel where he was staying.
Back in Jensen's room, he turned to close the door behind them and leaned on it, wondering what to say, and whether he'd totally misjudged the purpose of this meeting. Jared stood in the middle of the room looking a little lost. Finally removing the dark glasses and setting them down on the desk, he turned to Jensen, revealing eyes that were red-rimmed and bloodshot. "Jen…?"
Time stopped. Everything seemed frozen. Jensen caught his breath, waiting.
"I love you so much."
There was nothing then except Jared. Jensen stepped forward, walked into his arms and clung, senses filled with the sight and the sound and the smell of his lover. Pressing body to body, his arms noted the way Jared had bulked up since they'd last been together as his mouth mapped the tired lines on Jared's face.
The hug became less than gentle, crossed the line into desperate, and Jensen felt himself lifted, tossed onto his bed and owned by the man he'd thought never to have again.
Jared's mouth found his, begged entry, and then they were kissing, ravenous mouths sliding silky over each other while their bodies pressed tight and their hands clutched, gripped bruising-tight, fearing to let go in case they couldn't get this back ever again.
Jensen heard something rip, let a fragment of fabric fall from his hand before delving to find velvety skin once more. He moaned, felt Jared's hand find him, clasp his cock and pull, once, twice, and the third time paid for all; sweet, hot tingles flickered along his skin, snaked down his spine and locked his muscles in a jittering dance as he came, horny as a fourteen year old with his first wet dream. Jared bucked against him, equally helpless, Jensen's hand in his pants sliding stickily over his cock as it coated his fingers with thick, white juices.
Panting, both of them, still unable to let each other go, they clung through the aftershocks, arms tight around each other. Jared smiled, the first smile Jensen had seen since he'd picked Jay up from the airport, and Jensen felt it somewhere deep inside himself like the sun rising over the mountains, warming him in places he hadn't realized were frozen.
"I missed you," he whispered.
"Can't do it without you, Jen. I've tried." Jared's voice still sounded hoarse, and Jensen nibbled the words from his lips as he spoke.
"Are we good now?" Jensen knew that the question was silly, that it was needy, but he still needed to know.
"Yeah, we're good. Better than good, as long as you belong to me." Jared raised himself up on one elbow so he could trace the shape of Jensen's smile. "You take my breath away, you know that?"
The world resumed its normal course outside somewhere, but Jensen would think about that later. For tonight he had what he needed the most, and as he drew Jared's face down so they could kiss once more, he knew that he wouldn't ever give it up so readily again.
Beta: spoonlessone for whom I have the utmost gratitude. She rocks my world.
Rating: R
Pairing: Slash: J2
Word count: 2,000
Warning: Mild spoilers for My Bloody Valentine.
A/N: The story was written for rockin_the_80s and it follows on from Rockferry but it does stand alone. I wrote it way back, and then forgot to post it, so now I am making things tidy.
~~~
He's not yours, asshole. Just forget it and move on.
Wise words, but not so easily implemented. Jensen tried hard, he tried every day to forget the feel of Jared, the warmth of him in his arms and the sweetness of his kisses. At least he was in Pennsylvania, and Jared was in Austin, and he had time to squash those unwelcome, desperate emotions down before they would return to start filming season 4. Jensen hoped that a couple of months would be enough and tried to pretend that thoughts of Jared didn't float up unbidden into his mind pretty much every moment of every day.
To begin with, Jared had called him, leaving message after message on his cell. He'd responded each time by texting him one word - 'later'. He wasn't going to give in, because Jared belonged to Sandy, and that was that. The End!
But he couldn't stop wanting what they'd had, despite the fact that he'd been the one to end it. When he wasn’t paying attention, he'd find his thoughts drifting to dimpled smiles, wide and bright, and slanted, almond eyes, catlike and cunning. Sense-memories of long, nimble fingers - cradling, caressing, owning - were just around the corner, threatening to wreck his determined attempt to break free, and he'd thrown himself into the character of Tom Hanniger, his antidote to thoughts of Jared.
Tom Hanniger was different - definitely not Dean, and definitely not in love with anyone. He could lose himself in Tom, terrified, hag-ridden Tom, so fragile he'd broken before the movie even began and who gave him the opportunity to break things instead of breaking down.
He'd thought that this was how life was going to be from now on, and resigned himself to it. He invited Danneel to go experience the delights of Pennsylvania, because she was a distraction with her pithy sense of humor and her sarcasm. She'd been there most weekends, and he was grateful to her for helping to fill his days, missed her when she went back to LA to film a guest spot on some procedural show.
The days passed, each one bleeding into the next, and Jared stopped calling. He'd been grateful for that. He wasn't expecting it when he was sitting, prepping for a scene one day, and his phone beeped to tell him he had a text message.
Checking his phone, he could see straight away that it was from Jared, and his heart gave a painful little thump at the reminder of all he'd turned his back on. He'd been intending to dump the message without reading it, he really had, but just then the lighting tech had called that it would be another half hour before they could go again, and he just didn't have the willpower. He thumbed open the message, knowing he shouldn't, knowing how stupid he was being, and read.
Call me; I really need you right now.
How many times had he hidden away from Jared since he'd told him that they weren't going to keep leading double lives? He hadn't kept count, but he knew it was a lot. Still, there was something different about this text. Usually, when Jared texted him, it would be something like, guna b l8 c u 8 or 9. This new message was in plain English, and Jensen felt a stab of unease as he pondered it. Glancing around the set, he could see the technicians busily putting the charges in place for the explosion that would happen when 'Sarah's' bullet hit the fuse box. Work wasn't going to save him.
Sighing, he dialed Jared.
"Jensen?" Jared's voice sounded thick and hoarse, as though he had a cold. "Jensen, is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me. What's the problem, dude?" He was trying his damnedest not to sound too welcoming, too happy to hear Jared's voice, because he knew that all it would take was one little slip, and he'd be right back where he started. Jared was an addiction, as unsubtle and tragic as any crack, and Jensen was clean and sober, or at least he wanted to think of himself that way.
"I ended it, Jen. I told her…" The voice on the other end of the line broke, and Jensen heard a muffled sound that might have been a sob.
"Jared?" He sat up straight in his chair, trying to ignore the sudden tingle of apprehension flooding through him. "Dude, what?"
"Sandy an' me…" Jared was definitely crying; Jensen could hear it in his voice, hear the sniffle that accompanied his words. "We're all done."
"Jesus, Jay, why? What did you do?" The world seemed to lurch to a halt, then start again, with all its colors muted, all its sounds gone faint and fuzzy.
"Can't do it without you, Jen." The words rippled through his body, warming him, sending a shiver along his nerve-endings. "I've tried, but I can't. Please, Jen, can I come see you?"
Jensen bit his lip. There was a convention coming up in a matter of days, and although he wasn't going to make it, he knew that Jared was still on the hook for it. He could feel his heart skip-thump-skipping in a tattoo against the inside of his chest, feel the heat flooding his lower abdomen at the thought of Jared. Jared would be his again, standing too close, invading his space, loving him until all his judgment went out the window. "Dude, what are you going to tell the fans? They'll crucify you if you don't show at the con."
"I can be back in time for the con." Jared's voice was eager now, and the sound of it was dripping onto Jensen's senses like honey, awakening dreams he'd thought gone forever. "If I come now, that'll give me a day and a half. Please, Jen; I need to see you."
"I'm gonna be filming; you know that, don't you?" He hadn't said yes. He had that much dignity left. Of course, he hadn't said no, either, and that, right there, was the bottom line. Mentally he was already calculating the flying time between Austin and Pittsburgh.
"See you around 7 your time." Jared didn't wait for anything more. "I'll call you for directions when I get out of the airport, okay?"
The line went dead before Jensen could say anything in response, and it was apparent that he wasn't risking the possibility of Jensen telling him not to come. Somehow that made Jensen happier than he'd been in a very long time.
The view down towards the opening of the mine was still thronged with carpenters and lighting techs bustling about, and he could feel the sun on the back of his neck. He took a deep breath and prepared to channel his inner psychopath with a smile on his lips.
~~~
The airport was almost deserted when Jensen arrived to meet the plane he thought might be bringing Jared to him. He lounged in the Starbucks, dressed in his oldest, most comfortable jeans and a faded green hoodie over a T-shirt that proclaimed him a Led Zeppelin fan. He had the script with him, and he was attempting - unsuccessfully - to learn his lines for the next day's shoot. Raising his coffee to his lips, he kept his eyes on the 'Arrivals' board, waiting for the Austin plane to be announced.
It took him by surprise when it finally landed, because he'd somehow managed to lose himself in the coming fight between himself and Kerr's character, and the sound of his phone chirping made him jump.
"Where are you, dude?" he asked, flipping his phone open.
"I'm here. Just gonna go find a rental," was the reply, and Jensen hastily gathered his stuff and rose to his feet.
"Don't do that. Just come to the Starbucks," he said, closing the phone and scanning the passengers as they straggled through and out of the secure area.
When he finally saw Jared, he couldn't move at first. He stood breathless, frozen to the spot, wondering if this encounter was going to make his year or fuck him up for the rest of his life.
Jared looked exhausted. He was wearing dark glasses, and had the inevitable beanie pulled down over his too-long locks so that only wisps straggled out around the edges. There was a slump to his shoulders that Jensen didn't recall ever seeing on him before, and he was dressed in ragged jeans and a grey T-shirt with a plaid button-down over it, the sleeves rolled up to the elbow revealing sinewy brown forearms.
As Jared started to walk towards the Starbucks, Jensen suddenly remembered to breathe, and felt himself lurch forward, drawn towards him as if he were his polar opposite.
"Hi," he said, voice whisper-soft. "You got bags?"
"Under my eyes," was the response, and Jared bumped his shoulder. "You got a car?"
"Yeah. Come on." Jensen turned and led the way to where he'd parked his rental. They said nothing further as they reached the car, only speaking in platitudes as Jensen pointed them back towards Bethel and the hotel where he was staying.
Back in Jensen's room, he turned to close the door behind them and leaned on it, wondering what to say, and whether he'd totally misjudged the purpose of this meeting. Jared stood in the middle of the room looking a little lost. Finally removing the dark glasses and setting them down on the desk, he turned to Jensen, revealing eyes that were red-rimmed and bloodshot. "Jen…?"
Time stopped. Everything seemed frozen. Jensen caught his breath, waiting.
"I love you so much."
There was nothing then except Jared. Jensen stepped forward, walked into his arms and clung, senses filled with the sight and the sound and the smell of his lover. Pressing body to body, his arms noted the way Jared had bulked up since they'd last been together as his mouth mapped the tired lines on Jared's face.
The hug became less than gentle, crossed the line into desperate, and Jensen felt himself lifted, tossed onto his bed and owned by the man he'd thought never to have again.
Jared's mouth found his, begged entry, and then they were kissing, ravenous mouths sliding silky over each other while their bodies pressed tight and their hands clutched, gripped bruising-tight, fearing to let go in case they couldn't get this back ever again.
Jensen heard something rip, let a fragment of fabric fall from his hand before delving to find velvety skin once more. He moaned, felt Jared's hand find him, clasp his cock and pull, once, twice, and the third time paid for all; sweet, hot tingles flickered along his skin, snaked down his spine and locked his muscles in a jittering dance as he came, horny as a fourteen year old with his first wet dream. Jared bucked against him, equally helpless, Jensen's hand in his pants sliding stickily over his cock as it coated his fingers with thick, white juices.
Panting, both of them, still unable to let each other go, they clung through the aftershocks, arms tight around each other. Jared smiled, the first smile Jensen had seen since he'd picked Jay up from the airport, and Jensen felt it somewhere deep inside himself like the sun rising over the mountains, warming him in places he hadn't realized were frozen.
"I missed you," he whispered.
"Can't do it without you, Jen. I've tried." Jared's voice still sounded hoarse, and Jensen nibbled the words from his lips as he spoke.
"Are we good now?" Jensen knew that the question was silly, that it was needy, but he still needed to know.
"Yeah, we're good. Better than good, as long as you belong to me." Jared raised himself up on one elbow so he could trace the shape of Jensen's smile. "You take my breath away, you know that?"
The world resumed its normal course outside somewhere, but Jensen would think about that later. For tonight he had what he needed the most, and as he drew Jared's face down so they could kiss once more, he knew that he wouldn't ever give it up so readily again.