Just a Matter of Time: Part 7: "Because He Knows It Teases"
Title: Just a Matter of Time
Authors: art_of_mayhem and candygramme
Dean Winchester/Alex Krycek Appearances: Sam Winchester, John Winchester, Dana Scully, Fox Mulder and others.
Word Count: 3,926
Rated: This part is R.
Beta: The beautiful lorelei633, who has stuck with us to the bitter end.
Disclaimer: Dean belongs to Erik Kripke and Alex belongs to 1013 Productions. We make no money.
Spoilers: Not in this part. Later there may be vague spoilers to 'In My Time Of Dying'
Teaser: Staring at John, Alex willed him to listen. "This time isn't where he belongs. The fever... I think it's making him sick, being here."
Chapter titles are borrowed from "Alice in Wonderland"
This story is finished and complete, and we intend to post it rapidly
Cradling Dean in his arms as though he were something precious, Alex gazed down at him. "What do you mean, you're not special, baby?" He kissed the tip of Dean's nose and smiled. "I've never met anyone as special as you. I wish that you and I weren't gonna have to lose each other, if you find a way back to your own time." Dean didn't say anything, merely turned to look back at his father.
"Dean, what do you mean by that?" John asked, wiping his son's brow.
"Nothing," Dean shook his head, "I'm tired." He rolled into Alex, snuggling down.
John frowned but didn't press the issue. He just lay his head down and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder to let him know he was still there.
"Think you'll be able to sleep now, sweetheart?" asked Alex, gently stroking the man in his arms. "You're special to me, baby. I've got you." He grazed Dean's forehead with his lips and laid his cheek against it, fixing John with a glare that was intended to tell him to stop with the pissing contest, at least until Dean got a little sleep.
"He's had enough," Alex murmured. "Just let him rest. We can talk more in the morning."
~~~~~~~oo(O)oo~~~~~~~
Early morning found Dean outside, sitting on the hood of the car with a cup of coffee in his hand. He'd managed a few hours of sleep, but had gotten up around four and gotten dressed. What happened between the three of them seemed like a dream, even though the aches and pains he felt told him otherwise.
That wasn't what was bothering him. It was the fact he’d remembered more - remembered why he had that pit in his stomach. Now his insides were arguing with him about whether he should voice what he’d remembered, or whether he should just allow things to happen. Every part of Dean was screaming at him to warn his father and try to stop what was coming. Making his father promise not to do what Dean knew that he was going to do would be a waste of breath, he knew that.
Alex had felt Dean creep out from between them, heard the door close quietly a few minutes later. He thought he should give Dean a little time to digest the things that were going on, but after a half hour or so, when Dean didn't return, Alex decided to follow him. Dragging on his jeans and jacket, he stepped out of the room and swiftly spotted his new lover sitting on the Impala. Heading over to lean against the hood beside him, he didn't speak immediately. He just leant his head against Dean's arm and watched the sky slowly lighten.
When he finally spoke, all he said was, "You okay?" "I'm worried about you."
"No need to be. I'm fine." Dean took a sip of his coffee. He didn't even glance at Alex, merely stared at the motel door. Alex could see that Dean's attitude seemed to have changed, and if he looked closely he could see the pain in his lover’s eyes. Sighing, Dean looked down into his cup then reached up to rub his eyes.
"Yeah, I can tell," growled Alex. "You're so fine that you're sitting out here in the cold, hurting and all alone. I didn't realize you were a masochist. Wish you'd tell me just what it is that's hurting you, man. I care about you. I really do." He looked away from Dean towards the room, hoping that John would remain asleep for just a little while longer. "It's something about your Dad, isn't it, baby? I can get that much. I just can't figure out what."
Dean's bottom lip trembled, and he looked up at the sky as if seeking support from it, drawing a hissing breath through closed teeth. "It is about my Dad." He turned to look at Alex. "We got close to the Demon, the one that killed my mother. It... umm... ended up nearly killing us. I was in hospital, dying. Pretty much dead. Would have taken a miracle for me to live. But then suddenly I was okay. Alive and well." He paused, trembling. "And five minutes later, my father was dead." His voice cracked. "He gave his life. Gave his soul to save me." Pain was written on Dean’s face, a pain that turned a knife in Alex’s heart. "He didn't even ask. Didn't even think about what I would have said. Just..."
Dean took a shaky breath. "You know something? He's never once called me son."
"Is that all?" Alex met Dean's eyes. "You don't think that it's because his son Dean, the younger you, is here in his own time, over at…what was his name? Pastor Jim's? He's probably totally weirded out by the fact that you're here." Alex was still frowning. He couldn't quite get his head around John's behavior. "Uh... if you don't mind me asking," he murmured. "Did you and he... uh... did you get it on back when you were growing up? Before he died?"
Dean looked at Alex, "Is that all? My father made a deal with a fucking demon. He gave his life up for me. That's not the way it should have gone down, not for him. How could he do that? How could he not go down without a fight? He'd been chasing this thing almost all my life, and he just..." Dean climbed off the car. Alex didn't get it. No one got it.
"What difference would it make? In about ten years, that man in there is gonna be dead." Dean turned to face the Impala and stared down into the glossy black of the paint.
"In ten years’ time, we could all be dead," said Alex, shrugging. "If you don't live every day as if it were your last, you're doing it wrong." He reached to pull Dean to him. "Listen, Dean, I care about you, and I know you don't care so much about me, but you know, it doesn't matter." He laid his cheek against Dean's and lifted his hand to stroke his lover's short hair. "You're in a painful place, because you're with your dad, and you know that in your time you've already lost him. You should be enjoying him while you can, because it's like you've been given a second chance, and that's not something most people get."
He frowned, then turned his face so that he could press his lips against Dean's roughly stubbled cheek. "I could love you, Dean, but I'm trying to tell you the stuff that'll ease you, even though it isn't what I want. Take it while it's on offer, baby. I'm not usually so altruistic."
"And what would you rather be telling me?" asked Dean, staring up at him.
"Oh, that's easy!" Alex snorted. "I'd sooner tell you to forget him and pick me, because fuck, man, I want you more than anyone I ever met."
"It's not a contest, Alex. My father is gonna die because of me. You don't..." Dean cut himself off. He grabbed Alex and kissed him, hard and deep. "If I didn't have to go back, I would pick you. But family is important to me. I just... I want to tell him not to do it." He moved to stand between Alex's outstretched legs."And when I get back, I'm gonna look you up. Make you remember me."
Dean's words were sweet, but Alex held off for a moment more. "In ten years time, I'll be old and wrinkly, and you'll be looking for young and hot," he murmured, clasping his hands behind Dean's neck. "And haven’t you ever thought that, if your Dad loved you enough to give his life for yours, that it's the greatest gift he could give you?. What, man? You want to die rather than live? How come?"
Dean picked at Alex's shirt for a moment, then dropped his hands. "I'm unnatural. I’ve been close to death twice now. Each time I should have died, and each time a life was exchanged for mine. I shouldn't even be here."
"Have you ever thought that, if you're that lucky, there must be some kind of reason - something that you have to do? A destiny that you haven't yet fulfilled?" Alex bent his head and nuzzled against Dean's neck, kissing the soft skin and inhaling the scent that was Dean. "You've got a higher purpose."
Dean looked at Alex then shook his head, "No, only reason they like keeping me alive is to watch the emotional torture they put me through. There is no higher purpose for me. My brother is the special one." He wrapped his arms around Alex, leaning heavy against him as if he'd been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"You don't know that," said Alex softly. "You don't know what your purpose is, but I'm here to tell you that nothing ever happens without a purpose." He kissed Dean's ear and rocked him gently as if somehow that might soothe him. "And you may not know what it is, but I'm betting that it's something to do with that little brother of yours. Doesn't matter though," he murmured. "When it's time, you'll know, and then you'll realize that it was worth it after all."
Dean held him more tightly, "I do know. Ever talk with a demon? I did. She even slipped me demon tongue. But she told me they were relishing my pain. Said he was... suffering severely." Dean remembered Roy LaGrange's words. He’d said Dean was meant for something greater. That it wasn't his time. Whatever else he had been going to say was lost at that moment, because suddenly they could hear noises coming from the room. "Sound's like Dad's up."
Swearing under his breath, Alex tightened his own grip on Dean, running his hand down over the well-muscled back to cup his ass. "He would be. Why the hell couldn't he have stayed asleep for another few minutes?" He looked down at Dean with a smile. "Demon tongue, eh?" he said. "Bet that was an experience. Was it forked, or what?"
"Actually, dark hair, plush lips and a nice rack. No forked tongue though. If I'd been in the mood, I probably would have taken her up on more than that." Dean gently pushed away. "I got you some coffee." He walked around to the car and reached in, pulling out two cups. "Here," he handed one over to. Just then the door opened and John was standing there, a worried look upon his face for just a moment before it returned to its usual hardened expression. "Morning, dad, got you some coffee." He held it out to John.
Taking the cup, John took a drink and studied the other two with his lips pursed. "Get your asses in here," he said, and smiled slightly, much to Alex’s surprise.
Sighing, Alex took the offered cup, wishing that John Winchester would somehow vanish in a puff of smoke and return to whatever hell he'd emerged from. He followed Dean as his lover headed back into the room and tried to keep his expression from showing how irritated he was with John's peremptory demands. "Fucker thinks he's in charge," he growled to himself. "Fat chance. All I need to do is get him in a dark alley, and he'll see the error of his ways."
As he passed John on his way back into the room, he glared at him, but said nothing, knowing that to say anything at all would upset Dean.
John took his cup from Dean, sipping it gratefully and merely smirking as Alex glowered. He closed the door, watching his son and that... that man. At least he hadn't managed to fuck his son the way he’d obviously wanted. He’d prevented that, even if it had secretly fulfilled a fantasy, a need of his own.
"You were up early. You usually like to sleep in," John remarked, looking at Dean.
"Things change." Dean sat down.
"Did you remember anything?"
Dean nodded, "I was up north of Dallas, checking on this cave the government was trying to hide. We’d heard of some happenings there and decided to check it out. Sam was above, I was down in the hole. Something attacked me."
"Do you think you could find it again, baby?" Alex was pressed close to Dean, fingers caressing his neck as he listened to him speaking. "We need to go there and check it out. Maybe we can find a way to send you back to your own time."
Staring at John, Alex willed him to listen. "This time isn't where he belongs. The fever... I think it's making him sick, being here."
Dean nodded, "I think so, too." He lifted his head to gaze up at his father, who was now crouching and reaching for his forehead. Dean tried to pull away but didn't quite make it.
"Alright, then we better get going, try and find it. You ride with me, Dean." He got to his feet, beginning to gather their limited things before throwing his own jacket on.
Dean rose to his feet, looking back at Alex, "You riding or driving?"
"Depends on whether you decide to go with him or come with me," murmured Alex, frowning at John's apparent assumption that he was in charge. "Just because he gives you orders doesn't mean that you have to obey, you know," he said, raising his eyebrows at Dean. "You could come with me, if you wanted."
Dean frowned at Alex but then gave him a little push, "You getting territorial on me?" He moved in close to him, "I know you don't like it, but he's my father. And I can talk to him about..." Dean looked away, "I think you would have been happier with my brother instead of me. I'm not worth the trouble." He turned and started heading out the door.
Alex swallowed back the bitterness that was choking him and followed Dean out of the room. "Maybe I will," he snapped. "And maybe I'll go find you at this Pastor Jim's place and make you mine, too, finally stop you from feeling so fucking worthless. Maybe I'll change history and your life will be completely different." He reached the Impala and stood beside the passenger's door, one hand on the hood. "Maybe you'll know just what you're worth. I can hope, can't I?"
Dean turned to face Alex, "You would, wouldn't you?" He stepped in closer, looking Alex over. "What am I worth to you?" He placed a hand near Alex's, fingers reaching for his. "Why don't you change my mind?" He leaned in to kiss him but stopped short.
"Tell me how, and I'll do it." Alex's voice was husky as he caught at Dean's neck, pulling him the rest of the way in and claiming the kiss. "Tell me what you want from me, and it's yours." He moved closer to Dean and let him go again, studying the handsome face and trying to see just what Dean wanted from him. "You're worth so much I can't even begin to tell you, man."
Dean had returned the kiss, not wanting it to end. He was breathing hard, green eyes holding green eyes. "I can't tell you, because I don't know. But... can you... can you make me feel like I'm worth as much as you say? See..." He grew silent for a moment before speaking more softly, unable to look at Alex as he did. "I always put my family first. Sam. Dad. I never..." He swallowed hard. "I'll ride with you," he said at last, and his voice was louder now, as if he’d made some kind of life-changing decision.
"I wish you and I could be together, Dean, I really do." Alex ran his fingers through Dean's short hair, stroking, caressing, not wanting to let go for even a moment. "You and I could be happy together. You're loyal, you're a fighter, you're loving and... and... I don't know what it is about you, but you make me feel so damned protective." He brushed a kiss over Dean's rough cheek and then licked, tasting salt, as if Dean had been crying. "I'm fighting a losing battle trying not to fall in love with you, you know."
"I can make it easy and piss you off," Dean offered with a smirk, but as he spoke he wrapped his arm around Alex to keep them close. "You know, the only reason I'm going back is because of my brother. If I could, I would stay." Dean leaned to kiss just below Alex’s ear, only looking up when his father emerged from the room.
"Let's go, Dean," John said as he tossed his things into the back.
"He's riding with me," growled Alex, giving John a long, hard stare. "You can come too, if you want, but he's going with me." He rubbed his cheek against Dean's shoulder as he spoke, wanting to maintain a connection between the two of them and sensing that Dean might waver again, if his father was determined enough.
"Dean, get in the car," John commanded then looked at Alex, "And you, get in your car and head another direction."
"Dad, I'm riding with Alex, like it or not. Besides," he sighed. "If I go with you, I'll be too tempted to tell you things I shouldn't. And I can't tell you or it will change history."
"Dean," John walked around to face his son. "I said get in the car."
"Dad, I'm not Sam." Dean backed up and moved around with Alex to his car.
John blinked, looking after his son in utter astonishment.
"Why don't you listen to him for once?" Alex wasn't gloating, merely fascinated by John's confusion. "Why don't you accept that he's got needs of his own, and he isn't just a weapon for you to point and shoot?" He shook his head. "Somehow you've managed to raise him without any self-esteem. How could you do that to him? He's wonderful, and yet he thinks he's worthless."
Dean climbed into the passenger seat, waiting for Alex. He saw his father looking at him and he just stared back, his eyes sad but hard as well.
John blinked then looked at Alex, "He's my son, and I did the best I could with him. He is the man you love today because of that." He turned and walked around to climb into the Impala, starting it up and waiting to follow.
"Yeah, he is, but you've made sure that he's in a world of pain. He thinks all he's good for is to care of you and his little brother. He doesn't see any value in him for himself alone. What did you do to him? How did you make him like that?" Alex walked around the car and opened his door, turning back to look at John. "It's going to take forever to get him to believe that he deserves more than to be someone else's guardian."
He settled himself behind the wheel and smiled at Dean. "Ready to go, babe?" he asked.
Dean nodded, "Yeah, I'm ready," he darted a glance at where his father was still sitting and wondered just what that exchange had been about, before turning back to Alex. "What did you say to him?" he asked. Dean could tell that whatever it had been, his father was not happy about it.
"I asked him what he did to you to make you believe that you have no value." Alex didn't feel much like discussing it. He wanted to tell Dean how much he cared, wanted to tell him all the things that he would give him, but knew that it was useless even before he began. Dean wasn't from this time. He'd return to where he truly belonged soon enough, and Alex would be left behind, all his words unspoken, and his heart aching. "He didn't answer."
He started the car and pulled away, watching as the Impala fell in behind them. "Tell me about your little brother? Why does the kid need so much looking after? Is he…sick or something?"
"Wish I could say that." Dean smiled as he looked out the window, seeing Sam’s face rather than the scenery that was sliding by. "He's just my little brother. I swore to take care of him after our mother died. And...and I promised my dad just before he died, too." Dean returned his eyes to Alex. "Sam is just... he's special to me, and I have to get back to him." He swallowed hard as he gazed at the man beside him. "You want to know what Dad did?" he added suddenly. "He always put Sammy first. He remembered his birthday. He pushed Sammy, and he gave him all the attention. I know why, but it still doesn't make it any easier."
"Yeah, I want to know why. Tell me, baby. Why was Sam the special one instead of you?" Alex flicked a glance at his rearview mirror. The Impala was still on their tail, so he would still be able to take John Winchester apart if he got the opportunity. "Seems to me that you're the special one. You've got it all, baby. Brains, beauty and strength. Fuck it, Dean, don't go back. Stay with me and let me show you, or take me with you when you find out how to get back?"
"The demon... it has a tie to us. It wants my brother for some reason, and the other children like him." Dean slumped in his seat. "Alex, would you go back with me? If you could?" He reached over, taking Alex's hand. Dean just wanted to dream a little. Dream that it was possible, and that he could be important to someone for himself, rather than just because he was the one taking care of Sam.
"Like a shot, baby." Alex turned to give Dean a lopsided smile. "There's nothing I love in this time. I'd follow you, if I could." He turned his eyes back to the road. "Would you want me to go with you? Would you let me?" He laughed. "And a thought just occurred to me. How come you're letting me drive my car? Are you still feeling feverish?"
Dean nodded reluctantly. "I am, but I'll be okay." He leaned and lowered himself down and even though it was uncomfortable he laid his head down on Alex's lap. "I wish you could go with me but... I promise, if you can't, I'll find you and make you remember me all over again." He looked up at Alex from where he lay and sighed softly, his hand rubbing along Alex’s leg.
Alex nodded, smiling down at Dean. One hand dropped to caress Dean's short hair as they drove. "I'll wake you up when we get to Dallas, okay, love? Sleep now and maybe you'll feel a little better when you wake up." He looked down at his lover and gave a little sigh. Maybe he would be able to go into the future along with Dean, and maybe once there he and Dean would be able to have a life together. One thing was certain, John Winchester wouldn't be around to get in their way. Alex gave him a tender smile and then concentrated on his driving.
Authors: art_of_mayhem and candygramme
Dean Winchester/Alex Krycek Appearances: Sam Winchester, John Winchester, Dana Scully, Fox Mulder and others.
Word Count: 3,926
Rated: This part is R.
Beta: The beautiful lorelei633, who has stuck with us to the bitter end.
Disclaimer: Dean belongs to Erik Kripke and Alex belongs to 1013 Productions. We make no money.
Spoilers: Not in this part. Later there may be vague spoilers to 'In My Time Of Dying'
Teaser: Staring at John, Alex willed him to listen. "This time isn't where he belongs. The fever... I think it's making him sick, being here."
Chapter titles are borrowed from "Alice in Wonderland"
This story is finished and complete, and we intend to post it rapidly
Cradling Dean in his arms as though he were something precious, Alex gazed down at him. "What do you mean, you're not special, baby?" He kissed the tip of Dean's nose and smiled. "I've never met anyone as special as you. I wish that you and I weren't gonna have to lose each other, if you find a way back to your own time." Dean didn't say anything, merely turned to look back at his father.
"Dean, what do you mean by that?" John asked, wiping his son's brow.
"Nothing," Dean shook his head, "I'm tired." He rolled into Alex, snuggling down.
John frowned but didn't press the issue. He just lay his head down and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder to let him know he was still there.
"Think you'll be able to sleep now, sweetheart?" asked Alex, gently stroking the man in his arms. "You're special to me, baby. I've got you." He grazed Dean's forehead with his lips and laid his cheek against it, fixing John with a glare that was intended to tell him to stop with the pissing contest, at least until Dean got a little sleep.
"He's had enough," Alex murmured. "Just let him rest. We can talk more in the morning."
~~~~~~~oo(O)oo~~~~~~~
Early morning found Dean outside, sitting on the hood of the car with a cup of coffee in his hand. He'd managed a few hours of sleep, but had gotten up around four and gotten dressed. What happened between the three of them seemed like a dream, even though the aches and pains he felt told him otherwise.
That wasn't what was bothering him. It was the fact he’d remembered more - remembered why he had that pit in his stomach. Now his insides were arguing with him about whether he should voice what he’d remembered, or whether he should just allow things to happen. Every part of Dean was screaming at him to warn his father and try to stop what was coming. Making his father promise not to do what Dean knew that he was going to do would be a waste of breath, he knew that.
Alex had felt Dean creep out from between them, heard the door close quietly a few minutes later. He thought he should give Dean a little time to digest the things that were going on, but after a half hour or so, when Dean didn't return, Alex decided to follow him. Dragging on his jeans and jacket, he stepped out of the room and swiftly spotted his new lover sitting on the Impala. Heading over to lean against the hood beside him, he didn't speak immediately. He just leant his head against Dean's arm and watched the sky slowly lighten.
When he finally spoke, all he said was, "You okay?" "I'm worried about you."
"No need to be. I'm fine." Dean took a sip of his coffee. He didn't even glance at Alex, merely stared at the motel door. Alex could see that Dean's attitude seemed to have changed, and if he looked closely he could see the pain in his lover’s eyes. Sighing, Dean looked down into his cup then reached up to rub his eyes.
"Yeah, I can tell," growled Alex. "You're so fine that you're sitting out here in the cold, hurting and all alone. I didn't realize you were a masochist. Wish you'd tell me just what it is that's hurting you, man. I care about you. I really do." He looked away from Dean towards the room, hoping that John would remain asleep for just a little while longer. "It's something about your Dad, isn't it, baby? I can get that much. I just can't figure out what."
Dean's bottom lip trembled, and he looked up at the sky as if seeking support from it, drawing a hissing breath through closed teeth. "It is about my Dad." He turned to look at Alex. "We got close to the Demon, the one that killed my mother. It... umm... ended up nearly killing us. I was in hospital, dying. Pretty much dead. Would have taken a miracle for me to live. But then suddenly I was okay. Alive and well." He paused, trembling. "And five minutes later, my father was dead." His voice cracked. "He gave his life. Gave his soul to save me." Pain was written on Dean’s face, a pain that turned a knife in Alex’s heart. "He didn't even ask. Didn't even think about what I would have said. Just..."
Dean took a shaky breath. "You know something? He's never once called me son."
"Is that all?" Alex met Dean's eyes. "You don't think that it's because his son Dean, the younger you, is here in his own time, over at…what was his name? Pastor Jim's? He's probably totally weirded out by the fact that you're here." Alex was still frowning. He couldn't quite get his head around John's behavior. "Uh... if you don't mind me asking," he murmured. "Did you and he... uh... did you get it on back when you were growing up? Before he died?"
Dean looked at Alex, "Is that all? My father made a deal with a fucking demon. He gave his life up for me. That's not the way it should have gone down, not for him. How could he do that? How could he not go down without a fight? He'd been chasing this thing almost all my life, and he just..." Dean climbed off the car. Alex didn't get it. No one got it.
"What difference would it make? In about ten years, that man in there is gonna be dead." Dean turned to face the Impala and stared down into the glossy black of the paint.
"In ten years’ time, we could all be dead," said Alex, shrugging. "If you don't live every day as if it were your last, you're doing it wrong." He reached to pull Dean to him. "Listen, Dean, I care about you, and I know you don't care so much about me, but you know, it doesn't matter." He laid his cheek against Dean's and lifted his hand to stroke his lover's short hair. "You're in a painful place, because you're with your dad, and you know that in your time you've already lost him. You should be enjoying him while you can, because it's like you've been given a second chance, and that's not something most people get."
He frowned, then turned his face so that he could press his lips against Dean's roughly stubbled cheek. "I could love you, Dean, but I'm trying to tell you the stuff that'll ease you, even though it isn't what I want. Take it while it's on offer, baby. I'm not usually so altruistic."
"And what would you rather be telling me?" asked Dean, staring up at him.
"Oh, that's easy!" Alex snorted. "I'd sooner tell you to forget him and pick me, because fuck, man, I want you more than anyone I ever met."
"It's not a contest, Alex. My father is gonna die because of me. You don't..." Dean cut himself off. He grabbed Alex and kissed him, hard and deep. "If I didn't have to go back, I would pick you. But family is important to me. I just... I want to tell him not to do it." He moved to stand between Alex's outstretched legs."And when I get back, I'm gonna look you up. Make you remember me."
Dean's words were sweet, but Alex held off for a moment more. "In ten years time, I'll be old and wrinkly, and you'll be looking for young and hot," he murmured, clasping his hands behind Dean's neck. "And haven’t you ever thought that, if your Dad loved you enough to give his life for yours, that it's the greatest gift he could give you?. What, man? You want to die rather than live? How come?"
Dean picked at Alex's shirt for a moment, then dropped his hands. "I'm unnatural. I’ve been close to death twice now. Each time I should have died, and each time a life was exchanged for mine. I shouldn't even be here."
"Have you ever thought that, if you're that lucky, there must be some kind of reason - something that you have to do? A destiny that you haven't yet fulfilled?" Alex bent his head and nuzzled against Dean's neck, kissing the soft skin and inhaling the scent that was Dean. "You've got a higher purpose."
Dean looked at Alex then shook his head, "No, only reason they like keeping me alive is to watch the emotional torture they put me through. There is no higher purpose for me. My brother is the special one." He wrapped his arms around Alex, leaning heavy against him as if he'd been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"You don't know that," said Alex softly. "You don't know what your purpose is, but I'm here to tell you that nothing ever happens without a purpose." He kissed Dean's ear and rocked him gently as if somehow that might soothe him. "And you may not know what it is, but I'm betting that it's something to do with that little brother of yours. Doesn't matter though," he murmured. "When it's time, you'll know, and then you'll realize that it was worth it after all."
Dean held him more tightly, "I do know. Ever talk with a demon? I did. She even slipped me demon tongue. But she told me they were relishing my pain. Said he was... suffering severely." Dean remembered Roy LaGrange's words. He’d said Dean was meant for something greater. That it wasn't his time. Whatever else he had been going to say was lost at that moment, because suddenly they could hear noises coming from the room. "Sound's like Dad's up."
Swearing under his breath, Alex tightened his own grip on Dean, running his hand down over the well-muscled back to cup his ass. "He would be. Why the hell couldn't he have stayed asleep for another few minutes?" He looked down at Dean with a smile. "Demon tongue, eh?" he said. "Bet that was an experience. Was it forked, or what?"
"Actually, dark hair, plush lips and a nice rack. No forked tongue though. If I'd been in the mood, I probably would have taken her up on more than that." Dean gently pushed away. "I got you some coffee." He walked around to the car and reached in, pulling out two cups. "Here," he handed one over to. Just then the door opened and John was standing there, a worried look upon his face for just a moment before it returned to its usual hardened expression. "Morning, dad, got you some coffee." He held it out to John.
Taking the cup, John took a drink and studied the other two with his lips pursed. "Get your asses in here," he said, and smiled slightly, much to Alex’s surprise.
Sighing, Alex took the offered cup, wishing that John Winchester would somehow vanish in a puff of smoke and return to whatever hell he'd emerged from. He followed Dean as his lover headed back into the room and tried to keep his expression from showing how irritated he was with John's peremptory demands. "Fucker thinks he's in charge," he growled to himself. "Fat chance. All I need to do is get him in a dark alley, and he'll see the error of his ways."
As he passed John on his way back into the room, he glared at him, but said nothing, knowing that to say anything at all would upset Dean.
John took his cup from Dean, sipping it gratefully and merely smirking as Alex glowered. He closed the door, watching his son and that... that man. At least he hadn't managed to fuck his son the way he’d obviously wanted. He’d prevented that, even if it had secretly fulfilled a fantasy, a need of his own.
"You were up early. You usually like to sleep in," John remarked, looking at Dean.
"Things change." Dean sat down.
"Did you remember anything?"
Dean nodded, "I was up north of Dallas, checking on this cave the government was trying to hide. We’d heard of some happenings there and decided to check it out. Sam was above, I was down in the hole. Something attacked me."
"Do you think you could find it again, baby?" Alex was pressed close to Dean, fingers caressing his neck as he listened to him speaking. "We need to go there and check it out. Maybe we can find a way to send you back to your own time."
Staring at John, Alex willed him to listen. "This time isn't where he belongs. The fever... I think it's making him sick, being here."
Dean nodded, "I think so, too." He lifted his head to gaze up at his father, who was now crouching and reaching for his forehead. Dean tried to pull away but didn't quite make it.
"Alright, then we better get going, try and find it. You ride with me, Dean." He got to his feet, beginning to gather their limited things before throwing his own jacket on.
Dean rose to his feet, looking back at Alex, "You riding or driving?"
"Depends on whether you decide to go with him or come with me," murmured Alex, frowning at John's apparent assumption that he was in charge. "Just because he gives you orders doesn't mean that you have to obey, you know," he said, raising his eyebrows at Dean. "You could come with me, if you wanted."
Dean frowned at Alex but then gave him a little push, "You getting territorial on me?" He moved in close to him, "I know you don't like it, but he's my father. And I can talk to him about..." Dean looked away, "I think you would have been happier with my brother instead of me. I'm not worth the trouble." He turned and started heading out the door.
Alex swallowed back the bitterness that was choking him and followed Dean out of the room. "Maybe I will," he snapped. "And maybe I'll go find you at this Pastor Jim's place and make you mine, too, finally stop you from feeling so fucking worthless. Maybe I'll change history and your life will be completely different." He reached the Impala and stood beside the passenger's door, one hand on the hood. "Maybe you'll know just what you're worth. I can hope, can't I?"
Dean turned to face Alex, "You would, wouldn't you?" He stepped in closer, looking Alex over. "What am I worth to you?" He placed a hand near Alex's, fingers reaching for his. "Why don't you change my mind?" He leaned in to kiss him but stopped short.
"Tell me how, and I'll do it." Alex's voice was husky as he caught at Dean's neck, pulling him the rest of the way in and claiming the kiss. "Tell me what you want from me, and it's yours." He moved closer to Dean and let him go again, studying the handsome face and trying to see just what Dean wanted from him. "You're worth so much I can't even begin to tell you, man."
Dean had returned the kiss, not wanting it to end. He was breathing hard, green eyes holding green eyes. "I can't tell you, because I don't know. But... can you... can you make me feel like I'm worth as much as you say? See..." He grew silent for a moment before speaking more softly, unable to look at Alex as he did. "I always put my family first. Sam. Dad. I never..." He swallowed hard. "I'll ride with you," he said at last, and his voice was louder now, as if he’d made some kind of life-changing decision.
"I wish you and I could be together, Dean, I really do." Alex ran his fingers through Dean's short hair, stroking, caressing, not wanting to let go for even a moment. "You and I could be happy together. You're loyal, you're a fighter, you're loving and... and... I don't know what it is about you, but you make me feel so damned protective." He brushed a kiss over Dean's rough cheek and then licked, tasting salt, as if Dean had been crying. "I'm fighting a losing battle trying not to fall in love with you, you know."
"I can make it easy and piss you off," Dean offered with a smirk, but as he spoke he wrapped his arm around Alex to keep them close. "You know, the only reason I'm going back is because of my brother. If I could, I would stay." Dean leaned to kiss just below Alex’s ear, only looking up when his father emerged from the room.
"Let's go, Dean," John said as he tossed his things into the back.
"He's riding with me," growled Alex, giving John a long, hard stare. "You can come too, if you want, but he's going with me." He rubbed his cheek against Dean's shoulder as he spoke, wanting to maintain a connection between the two of them and sensing that Dean might waver again, if his father was determined enough.
"Dean, get in the car," John commanded then looked at Alex, "And you, get in your car and head another direction."
"Dad, I'm riding with Alex, like it or not. Besides," he sighed. "If I go with you, I'll be too tempted to tell you things I shouldn't. And I can't tell you or it will change history."
"Dean," John walked around to face his son. "I said get in the car."
"Dad, I'm not Sam." Dean backed up and moved around with Alex to his car.
John blinked, looking after his son in utter astonishment.
"Why don't you listen to him for once?" Alex wasn't gloating, merely fascinated by John's confusion. "Why don't you accept that he's got needs of his own, and he isn't just a weapon for you to point and shoot?" He shook his head. "Somehow you've managed to raise him without any self-esteem. How could you do that to him? He's wonderful, and yet he thinks he's worthless."
Dean climbed into the passenger seat, waiting for Alex. He saw his father looking at him and he just stared back, his eyes sad but hard as well.
John blinked then looked at Alex, "He's my son, and I did the best I could with him. He is the man you love today because of that." He turned and walked around to climb into the Impala, starting it up and waiting to follow.
"Yeah, he is, but you've made sure that he's in a world of pain. He thinks all he's good for is to care of you and his little brother. He doesn't see any value in him for himself alone. What did you do to him? How did you make him like that?" Alex walked around the car and opened his door, turning back to look at John. "It's going to take forever to get him to believe that he deserves more than to be someone else's guardian."
He settled himself behind the wheel and smiled at Dean. "Ready to go, babe?" he asked.
Dean nodded, "Yeah, I'm ready," he darted a glance at where his father was still sitting and wondered just what that exchange had been about, before turning back to Alex. "What did you say to him?" he asked. Dean could tell that whatever it had been, his father was not happy about it.
"I asked him what he did to you to make you believe that you have no value." Alex didn't feel much like discussing it. He wanted to tell Dean how much he cared, wanted to tell him all the things that he would give him, but knew that it was useless even before he began. Dean wasn't from this time. He'd return to where he truly belonged soon enough, and Alex would be left behind, all his words unspoken, and his heart aching. "He didn't answer."
He started the car and pulled away, watching as the Impala fell in behind them. "Tell me about your little brother? Why does the kid need so much looking after? Is he…sick or something?"
"Wish I could say that." Dean smiled as he looked out the window, seeing Sam’s face rather than the scenery that was sliding by. "He's just my little brother. I swore to take care of him after our mother died. And...and I promised my dad just before he died, too." Dean returned his eyes to Alex. "Sam is just... he's special to me, and I have to get back to him." He swallowed hard as he gazed at the man beside him. "You want to know what Dad did?" he added suddenly. "He always put Sammy first. He remembered his birthday. He pushed Sammy, and he gave him all the attention. I know why, but it still doesn't make it any easier."
"Yeah, I want to know why. Tell me, baby. Why was Sam the special one instead of you?" Alex flicked a glance at his rearview mirror. The Impala was still on their tail, so he would still be able to take John Winchester apart if he got the opportunity. "Seems to me that you're the special one. You've got it all, baby. Brains, beauty and strength. Fuck it, Dean, don't go back. Stay with me and let me show you, or take me with you when you find out how to get back?"
"The demon... it has a tie to us. It wants my brother for some reason, and the other children like him." Dean slumped in his seat. "Alex, would you go back with me? If you could?" He reached over, taking Alex's hand. Dean just wanted to dream a little. Dream that it was possible, and that he could be important to someone for himself, rather than just because he was the one taking care of Sam.
"Like a shot, baby." Alex turned to give Dean a lopsided smile. "There's nothing I love in this time. I'd follow you, if I could." He turned his eyes back to the road. "Would you want me to go with you? Would you let me?" He laughed. "And a thought just occurred to me. How come you're letting me drive my car? Are you still feeling feverish?"
Dean nodded reluctantly. "I am, but I'll be okay." He leaned and lowered himself down and even though it was uncomfortable he laid his head down on Alex's lap. "I wish you could go with me but... I promise, if you can't, I'll find you and make you remember me all over again." He looked up at Alex from where he lay and sighed softly, his hand rubbing along Alex’s leg.
Alex nodded, smiling down at Dean. One hand dropped to caress Dean's short hair as they drove. "I'll wake you up when we get to Dallas, okay, love? Sleep now and maybe you'll feel a little better when you wake up." He looked down at his lover and gave a little sigh. Maybe he would be able to go into the future along with Dean, and maybe once there he and Dean would be able to have a life together. One thing was certain, John Winchester wouldn't be around to get in their way. Alex gave him a tender smile and then concentrated on his driving.