"Kizan" by Ono Fuyumi (Twelve Kingdoms)

[canis_m]

English translation by canis_m. Work in progress. This post will be updated. Do not reproduce without permission.

Status: 26/42 pages
Last updated: 3/14/09

Comments

repost, italics

[sub_divided]

Beautiful writing. Though it's got more repetition than I was expecting. Still, the repetition doesn't really detract from the prose (though it creates more work for you I guess).

On a self-involved note, I'm impressed with myself for guessing the cheerfulness-in-the-face-of-certain-doom aspect of a kingdom's demise.

A typo:

He'd expected that once they went their separate ways, they would never meet again, but as time went on they had meet again, in a different kingdom.

Also, I think this sentence

Countless colored engravings adorned its white stone walls, and although it was still midday, the shouts of drunken idlers rang from within the outer wall that surrounded the buildings.

Would work better with "but" instead of "and" as the conjunction.

Thanks so much for the translation! I look forward to the next section.

Re: repost, italics

[canis_m]

I'd forgotten that you wrote (presciently) about Ryuu! Did you ever continue that fic?

Yeah, it's like, could she use the word "white" one more time? And then she does. In general repetition seems not to be the no-no in J-prose that it sometimes is in English. Well, what can you do.

had meet again

Fixed, thanks!

Will weigh and vs. but in the a.m. *falls over*

Re: repost, italics

[sub_divided]

Yay, more translation! All this stuff about how kingdoms typically fall is FASCINATING.

I was a little bit confused by this:

When a king takes the throne, he needs to put his government in order within the first ten years or so--whether he can manage that is the biggest question. But based on what I saw, it seemed to me Rohou had failed to do it."

I thought Rohou succeeded in putting his affairs in order?

My personal theory is that Rogou got bored, and is tearing the system apart so that he can have the pleasure of building it back up again. ^^;

Re: repost, italics

[canis_m]

I think the idea is that Rohou got his shit together eventually, yeah, but not within the first ten years. And what Rikou and Shouryuu are saying is that typically kings who don't get their shit together in the first decade never will. The "ten year plan" view is interesting to me, because it puts into perspective just how insanely fast Gyousou was trying to work. (Which backfired, obviously.) Whereas Youko seems to be moving at about the right pace.

What I hate about this story is that you never actually find out what's up with Rohou. So we'll never know if you're right. XD;

[myaru]

Ahhh, I've been waiting for a bit of story like this. Thank you for the translation.

(I knew it wouldn't be Tai. :P)

[canis_m]

You're welcome.

(I knew the new one wouldn't be Tai, too, or at least not Taiki in Tai, but now I hear it's not even about Youko--it's about some small-time official or something. According to random Japanese blogs, anyway.)

[aiwritingfic]

I like how your "trrranslation" tag has three Rs. *giggle*

Wow, this is beautifully done. Thank you for the translation. I do believe this will be my first 12K story (even translations) and my first venture outside the anime. Do you recommend picking up the book to someone who barely comprehends anything beyond most official letters and signs?

[canis_m]

I can't not recommend the novels! The prose itself is not difficult, but the vocab can be a challenge, if only because Ono uses lots of made-up words on top of obscure terms for Olde China Stuff (people, places, positions, things).

If you want to test one out, I think Kaze no Umi, Meikyuu no Kishi is prolly the easiest in terms of language. Plus it's all about Taiki. XD;

[aiwritingfic]

*giggles* I'll keep that in mind. *hearts* Thank you.

[that_oneill_guy]

Hey, been reading you forever but extremely reluctant to friend you for various, stupid reasons aha. I finally broke down because I suspect you may be continuing Sanssouci under the f-lock.

By the way, I have to agree with your choice to use "and" in the line sub_divided quotes since "although it was still midday [...]" is just contributing further information and not qualifying "Countless colored engravings adorned its white stone walls."

[canis_m]

? I hope I didn't unwittingly do something to put you off (but if that's the case, I apologize). I know I've seen you around before.

Truth is, I haven't been working on "Sanssouci" under cover, although given the current wet!naked!Basch challenge going on in FFXIIdom, I probably should be. Right now my head's stuck in the XII x 12K crossover of doom. XD;

[that_oneill_guy]

Nah, it's nothing like that. Mainly I'm just too lazy and self-centered to be any good at leaving feedback, so lurking is my preferred reading method. Also it's bad enough that all the ficcers I already had friended tend to write slash, and you up the ante by writing MAGICAL UNICORN SLASH. XD;

That's fine. Truth is, if you wrote it, I'm reading it at least once. So while I eagerly await a continuation, I will amuse myself with crossovers of doom, etc. Thanks for friending me back!

[mindstalk]

"the next longest beyond that was Kyou at ninety"

Hmm. Ryuu itself is at 120, and Wikipedia has Ren and Sai at about 100.

But I like this story. Funny and appropriate (and a bit sad) to look at the two immortals with their long experience of kingdoms rising and falling, and to see analysis of how kings managed to screw up.

[canis_m]

Kyou at 90, that's what the story says. ^^; Take it up with Ono if you want.