17.
For pippopippo who is an ENABLER. >.>
Title: The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Pairing: Cesc Fàbregas/Robin van Persie, Bradley James/Colin Morgan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Complete fiction
A/N: Crack fic. Crack like you wouldn't beliiieve, but if you're surprised by this, then you really don't know me. pippopippo said: you should write about poster!cesc and poster!robin having a fight over idk wall space or something. So basically this is me saying, "Yeah, okay."
Bradley’s room is kind of ridiculous, that’s what everyone who has ever entered his room has said. Almost every inch of it is covered in Arsenal posters of all different sizes, except for the Cesc Fàbregas one; the biggest poster he has that languidly enjoys all the free space it has as the only poster on the wall that looms over the head of Bradley’s bed.
He is the Lord of all the other posters, at least in his mind. At 24x36 inches, the second biggest poster is the Andrei Arshavin one, which was twice the size of the A4 ones. When Bradley had first stuck him on his wall, on the adjacent wall right next to Cesc (the nerve of that boy, really), Cesc had side-eyed him and turned his nose up at him. But then the live version of him had scored four goals against Liverpool, and well, it's hard to hold a grudge after that. (Plus Cesc had talked to him and decides his position of power is in no danger.)
Not from the Russian anyway. There was this clipping of Almunia that kept mumbling under his breath, and it made Cesc nervous even though he was just a clipping.
Cesc likes to think he’s a good ruler. He always doles out compliments when a poster’s live version does well, and is sympathetic when they have a bad day. He is pleased when the live version of himself is given the captain’s armband and assumes this is a sign that he is meant to rule over the posters in Bradley’s room. He also likes to think he helps Bradley: he always makes sure everyone averts their eyes when he’s changing (they have to be respectful) and he feeds Bradley advice whenever he brings a date up. Bradley never listens and his dates always leave, so Cesc feels smug but also sorry.
His favourite subjects are Jack, Theo and Aaron, who all share one line on the adjacent wall and idolize him. Samir and Nicklas, who reside above them, are insolent and he feels sorry for Tomáš, who is stuck in between them.
Cesc likes Tomáš, even though he’s quiet. He dislikes how he can’t have a conversation with him without Samir or Nicklas eavesdropping, Nicklas doesn’t even try to pretend he isn’t listening.
There’s only one poster that’s out of place in Bradley’s makeshift Arsenal shrine- a poster of David Bowie.
Cesc had tried to talk to him when he had first appeared, but after a week of Bowie’s silence, Cesc gives up, feeling rather offended. Did this Bowie person think he was too good for Cesc and his subjects? Well, fine. They were all witty and charming, it was Bowie’s loss.
One day Cesc is horrified to find a tiny rip on his top left corner. “Who did it?” he demands, immediately casting an accusing look at Almunia, who seems to be looking smug. “You can forget any plans to overthrow me, you aren’t strong enough.”
Almunia looks indignant at that. “Not that I was the one who did it, but if we banded together we could.”
Jack squeaks. “We would never.”
Aaron nods along.
Cesc is humbled by their loyalty, and he looks at Almunia, scornfully. “You see, you have nothing.”
He continues to fret about his tear anyway and hopes that Bradley doesn’t notice, lest he thinks of getting rid of Cesc because he has no room for a worn out poster.
Cesc casts a jealous look at the far end of Bradley’s room, where Thierry, Bobby and Dennis were located, with Jens Lehmann, who always cast dark looks at Almunia’s clipping, Kolo Touré and Freddie Ljungberg (there was a blank spot where Ashley Cole used to be, but Bradley had angrily ripped him off and crumpled him up); Cesc is jealous of the pristine condition they’re all in. He used to want to be a part of their wall (what Bradley deems his Arsenal Wall of Fame), but after realizing he would never be able to hold any power over them, no matter how much bigger he was, he decides he’s glad he’s far enough from them where he could admire them, but not have to answer to them.
He thinks he has gotten away with it, until Bradley arrives with a round canister that all the A4s ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over.
“What’s the big deal?” he demands, looking at the unimpressive brown tube.
“You came in one of those,” Clichy says.
Cesc’s heart sinks. Bradley had noticed the rip then, and even worse, he was replacing him. He wonders if it’s a newer version of him, or another poster altogether.
“Ooh, it’s Robin!” Samir says excitedly when Bradley unrolls the poster. “We’ve always wanted him.”
Bradley is echoing the same sentiments to the dark-haired boy who had given him the poster. “Thanks, Colin,” he says, looking pleased.
Colin waves his hand, dismissively. “I’m just glad you don’t have one of him already,” he says, walking around Bradley’s room and inspecting the existing posters and clippings. He stops at the poster of Freddie. “I thought Bowie was the only non-football poster you had.”
Bradley, who is too busy sticking tape on the other side of the Robin poster to notice what he’s referring to, says, “He is.”
“Who’s this guy then?”
Bradley looks up then. “He’s another Arsenal player,” he mumbles, not meeting Colin’s eyes.
Colin just looks amused. “Why’s he in his underwear then? Unlike the rest of them.”
Bradley turns red. “Uhh…”
Colin smirks. “I get it. Fourteen-year old Bradley wanked off to his Calvin Kleins, yeah?”
Bradley glares at him. “Shut up,” he says, turning his attention back to the Robin poster.
While this has been going on, Cesc is throwing a fit. “One little rip and he’s getting rid of me! I can’t believe he’s replacing me!” he rages. “I gave him the best years of my life! You are an arse, Bradley James! The same treatment as that Ashley douche, can you believe it?”
He bitchfaces as Bradley stands on his bed and gently unsticks him from the wall, but Bradley doesn’t notice. He shifts over to the left and sticks the poster back on.
Cesc is confused. “What did he do?” he asks Tomáš.
“He just moved you,” Tomáš answers. “I think Robin is going up next to you.”
“Lucky,” Theo says, wistfully. “Not that he would ever be next to me anyway, he’s much too big.”
“Why would you want him when you have Aaron and me?” Jack demands, sniffling in indignation.
Cesc ignores them and watches as Bradley sticks Robin right next to him, and after he and Colin decide the poster is on straight, he glares at the new kid.
“You,” he says, distastefully.
“Hello,” Robin says, pleasantly.
“Don’t hello me,” Cesc says, glaring at him. “I’ve always suspected you’d come to usurp my power.”
“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t worry, he’s a little insane,” Nicklas says.
“You see!” Cesc huffs. “Treason within the ranks already!”
“You're crazy,” Robin says.
Cesc is insulted and decides to never talk to him again. Infuriatingly enough, Robin doesn’t seem to notice, as he talks to the A4s and Andrei, even Almunia was nice to him, that bleach-haired traitor.
In the end, he’s the one who breaks their cold war, even though Robin hasn’t realized there's a problem at all. Bradley and Colin (who seems to be over a lot lately, Cesc is constantly having to avert everyone’s eyes- the things they do, it was shocking) are watching Arsenal play Chelsea, and when the live version of him scores, he looks down at Bradley, except he’s not paying attention to the game at all.
“Did you see?” he asks Robin, feeling pleased. “That was lovely, wasn’t it?”
“Yes! And Ashley making a mistake is an added bonus,” Robin says, smugly.
“Oh, you’re quite petty,” Cesc says, feeling strangely proud.
“Look! We’re hugging.”
Cesc watches the live version of Robin throw his arms around the Cesc on the screen. “You’re hugging me,” he mumbles. But he’s secretly pleased, and a little sad that he won’t ever get to hug Robin.
He warms to Robin eventually. Bradley seems to be much too interested in Colin, and divesting Colin of his pants, so they’re constantly having to look the other way, so he ends up talking to Robin a lot.
Plus the live version of Robin is kind of magical on the field, and Cesc is a little infatuated. He's actually a little jealous of the live version of himself, until he realizes that he’s being silly because he has his own Robin. He just has to woo him in his own way, because he cannot just throw himself around Robin like his live counterpart does.
He says, “Hey, Robin, did it hurt?”
“What?”
“When you fell from heaven.”
Robin looks confused, but Samir and Nicklas obviously get it because he can hear them sniggering.
Cesc tries again. “Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?”
“Why would you need an airport?” Robin asks, missing the point.
Cesc huffs. God, he was slow.
After three days of lines, Robin finally gets it when Cesc says, “Hello, I’m a thief and I’m here to steal your heart.”
“Are you hitting on me?” Robin says, incredulously.
“Yes, obviously. I tried my best lines on you, I was starting to think you’d never get it.”
“Those were all awful.”
“Well, I’m not like the live version of me,” Cesc says, mournfully. “I can’t ask you out. We can’t go anywhere.”
“Ahhh,” Robin says, seeing his dilemma. “Well, we’re already dating, aren’t we?”
Cesc blinks. “Are we?”
Robin shrugs. “Sure. I mean, if they’re dating, and we’re them, then we’re dating, right?”
“Yes!” Cesc is infinitely pleased. “We are. You can be my first lady and we will rule over the A4s and the other posters and ours will be a rule of peace and harmony. Future generations will call this the Golden Era.”
“Err…”
“Will you be my queen, Robin?”
“Queen?”
“Well, I’m the king-”
“I thought you were lord.”
“Yes, okay, so what would you rather be then?”
“I don’t know, I’m just Robin.”
Cesc rolls his eyes. “Fine, be just Robin. You will be the people’s voice in our royal court.” He beams. “Shall we agree and make it official?”
“Err, yeah, sure.”
Cesc holds a gathering (figuratively because they’re all already there) and announces that Robin has given his hand to Cesc in marriage (“What? I did no such thing! We can’t get married!” “But Robin, this union has to be legitimate or outside forces will try to test us.” “Oh, for heaven’s sake. Oh, all right, we’ll get married, it’s not like we’ll really be married anyway.”) and they would rule over them together.
He declares an imaginary banquet to celebrate and he imagines that they all drink and are merry much like Bradley and Colin seem to be.
---
Stuff that happens in this verse but didn't make it into fic, or at least not in the way they were intended to be (why yes, I am kind of weird and crazy [but I would like to point out that pippopippo contributed to some of this madness too]):
i. there was a gallas poster at one point, and when he leaves, bradley rips him down in anger, muttering, "i never really liked you ANYWAY."
ii. (a) bradley invites colin over to watch arsenal games, except all they end up doing is making out and distracting everybody in the room. and cesc is like "BRADLEY, THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT" re: jack and the other bbs.
(b) the posters resent colin at first. like, 'man, bradley used to hang around here with us all the time. now all he does is go out with his boy or make out with colin here. it's SICK.' jack and theo are all, "THOSE IRISH FELLOWS, NOTHING BUT TROUBLE." robin tries to be the voice of reason, like, "but he's happy." and cesc is all mournful, "WE used to make him happy."
iii. cesc tries to give bradley sex/~putting the moves on~ advice after he gets over resenting colin. he says, "NOW~ do the yawn and stretch." and robin will think it's all cheesy, all the ~advice cesc gives him, and cesc will be indignant like, "uhhh, hello, that is how you would fall for ME if could move into your poster."
iv. bradley's exes used to try to convince him to get rid of posters and stuff cos they're ~childish. but colin's cool with it, so that's why they collectively stop resenting and try to help bradley score with him, cos they approve of colin.
v. while poster c/r are still fighting and stuff they watch their rl counterparts be all friendly and slashy on the telly, and poster!cesc will be yelling at rl!cesc: "DON'T HUG HIM, HE'S UNDERMINING OUR POWER." When rl!cesc is subbed and hands the armband to robin, poster!cesc is INFURIATED.
vi. poster!cesc sees all the endearing qualities of rl!r and start to associate them with p!r too, and he falls for r!r first. so when he starts putting the moves on p!r, p!r can be like ~insecure and stuff. he'll be like 'you only like me cos i look like him'. and every poster in the room goes, 'YOU ARE HIM.' jack is like, "pfght. people their age are so ridiculous."
vii. cesc is forever beardless! he sees real cesc with a beard one match and goes, "WTF IS THAT? what is that THING on my face?" robin is like, "i have gray hair!" all dismally, but cesc is like, "i think you look dashing."
viii. (a) there's a ~buzz lightyear moment, when someone gifts bradley with a poster he already owns... and they all have this terrifying moment when they realise that they're MANUFACTURED.
(b) bradley gives the poster to colin to start his ~own collection. and colin is like, "...uhhh. thanks?" (but colin doesn't put the poster up, doomed to stay in his poster confinement ~forever.)
ix. p!cesc is sort of a prude. different from rl!cesc, but y'know, there's no way for poster!cesc to be promiscuous so. but that's why he looks the other way and commands all the other posters to look away when bradley is getting it on. (it's probably because bradley purchased cesc from a kid-friendly store.) and yet he can somehow give ~advice because he has a lot of time to meditate and sometimes bradley leaves his telly on and cesc watches a lot of soaps.
Title: The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Pairing: Cesc Fàbregas/Robin van Persie, Bradley James/Colin Morgan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Complete fiction
A/N: Crack fic. Crack like you wouldn't beliiieve, but if you're surprised by this, then you really don't know me. pippopippo said: you should write about poster!cesc and poster!robin having a fight over idk wall space or something. So basically this is me saying, "Yeah, okay."
Bradley’s room is kind of ridiculous, that’s what everyone who has ever entered his room has said. Almost every inch of it is covered in Arsenal posters of all different sizes, except for the Cesc Fàbregas one; the biggest poster he has that languidly enjoys all the free space it has as the only poster on the wall that looms over the head of Bradley’s bed.
He is the Lord of all the other posters, at least in his mind. At 24x36 inches, the second biggest poster is the Andrei Arshavin one, which was twice the size of the A4 ones. When Bradley had first stuck him on his wall, on the adjacent wall right next to Cesc (the nerve of that boy, really), Cesc had side-eyed him and turned his nose up at him. But then the live version of him had scored four goals against Liverpool, and well, it's hard to hold a grudge after that. (Plus Cesc had talked to him and decides his position of power is in no danger.)
Not from the Russian anyway. There was this clipping of Almunia that kept mumbling under his breath, and it made Cesc nervous even though he was just a clipping.
Cesc likes to think he’s a good ruler. He always doles out compliments when a poster’s live version does well, and is sympathetic when they have a bad day. He is pleased when the live version of himself is given the captain’s armband and assumes this is a sign that he is meant to rule over the posters in Bradley’s room. He also likes to think he helps Bradley: he always makes sure everyone averts their eyes when he’s changing (they have to be respectful) and he feeds Bradley advice whenever he brings a date up. Bradley never listens and his dates always leave, so Cesc feels smug but also sorry.
His favourite subjects are Jack, Theo and Aaron, who all share one line on the adjacent wall and idolize him. Samir and Nicklas, who reside above them, are insolent and he feels sorry for Tomáš, who is stuck in between them.
Cesc likes Tomáš, even though he’s quiet. He dislikes how he can’t have a conversation with him without Samir or Nicklas eavesdropping, Nicklas doesn’t even try to pretend he isn’t listening.
There’s only one poster that’s out of place in Bradley’s makeshift Arsenal shrine- a poster of David Bowie.
Cesc had tried to talk to him when he had first appeared, but after a week of Bowie’s silence, Cesc gives up, feeling rather offended. Did this Bowie person think he was too good for Cesc and his subjects? Well, fine. They were all witty and charming, it was Bowie’s loss.
One day Cesc is horrified to find a tiny rip on his top left corner. “Who did it?” he demands, immediately casting an accusing look at Almunia, who seems to be looking smug. “You can forget any plans to overthrow me, you aren’t strong enough.”
Almunia looks indignant at that. “Not that I was the one who did it, but if we banded together we could.”
Jack squeaks. “We would never.”
Aaron nods along.
Cesc is humbled by their loyalty, and he looks at Almunia, scornfully. “You see, you have nothing.”
He continues to fret about his tear anyway and hopes that Bradley doesn’t notice, lest he thinks of getting rid of Cesc because he has no room for a worn out poster.
Cesc casts a jealous look at the far end of Bradley’s room, where Thierry, Bobby and Dennis were located, with Jens Lehmann, who always cast dark looks at Almunia’s clipping, Kolo Touré and Freddie Ljungberg (there was a blank spot where Ashley Cole used to be, but Bradley had angrily ripped him off and crumpled him up); Cesc is jealous of the pristine condition they’re all in. He used to want to be a part of their wall (what Bradley deems his Arsenal Wall of Fame), but after realizing he would never be able to hold any power over them, no matter how much bigger he was, he decides he’s glad he’s far enough from them where he could admire them, but not have to answer to them.
He thinks he has gotten away with it, until Bradley arrives with a round canister that all the A4s ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ over.
“What’s the big deal?” he demands, looking at the unimpressive brown tube.
“You came in one of those,” Clichy says.
Cesc’s heart sinks. Bradley had noticed the rip then, and even worse, he was replacing him. He wonders if it’s a newer version of him, or another poster altogether.
“Ooh, it’s Robin!” Samir says excitedly when Bradley unrolls the poster. “We’ve always wanted him.”
Bradley is echoing the same sentiments to the dark-haired boy who had given him the poster. “Thanks, Colin,” he says, looking pleased.
Colin waves his hand, dismissively. “I’m just glad you don’t have one of him already,” he says, walking around Bradley’s room and inspecting the existing posters and clippings. He stops at the poster of Freddie. “I thought Bowie was the only non-football poster you had.”
Bradley, who is too busy sticking tape on the other side of the Robin poster to notice what he’s referring to, says, “He is.”
“Who’s this guy then?”
Bradley looks up then. “He’s another Arsenal player,” he mumbles, not meeting Colin’s eyes.
Colin just looks amused. “Why’s he in his underwear then? Unlike the rest of them.”
Bradley turns red. “Uhh…”
Colin smirks. “I get it. Fourteen-year old Bradley wanked off to his Calvin Kleins, yeah?”
Bradley glares at him. “Shut up,” he says, turning his attention back to the Robin poster.
While this has been going on, Cesc is throwing a fit. “One little rip and he’s getting rid of me! I can’t believe he’s replacing me!” he rages. “I gave him the best years of my life! You are an arse, Bradley James! The same treatment as that Ashley douche, can you believe it?”
He bitchfaces as Bradley stands on his bed and gently unsticks him from the wall, but Bradley doesn’t notice. He shifts over to the left and sticks the poster back on.
Cesc is confused. “What did he do?” he asks Tomáš.
“He just moved you,” Tomáš answers. “I think Robin is going up next to you.”
“Lucky,” Theo says, wistfully. “Not that he would ever be next to me anyway, he’s much too big.”
“Why would you want him when you have Aaron and me?” Jack demands, sniffling in indignation.
Cesc ignores them and watches as Bradley sticks Robin right next to him, and after he and Colin decide the poster is on straight, he glares at the new kid.
“You,” he says, distastefully.
“Hello,” Robin says, pleasantly.
“Don’t hello me,” Cesc says, glaring at him. “I’ve always suspected you’d come to usurp my power.”
“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t worry, he’s a little insane,” Nicklas says.
“You see!” Cesc huffs. “Treason within the ranks already!”
“You're crazy,” Robin says.
Cesc is insulted and decides to never talk to him again. Infuriatingly enough, Robin doesn’t seem to notice, as he talks to the A4s and Andrei, even Almunia was nice to him, that bleach-haired traitor.
In the end, he’s the one who breaks their cold war, even though Robin hasn’t realized there's a problem at all. Bradley and Colin (who seems to be over a lot lately, Cesc is constantly having to avert everyone’s eyes- the things they do, it was shocking) are watching Arsenal play Chelsea, and when the live version of him scores, he looks down at Bradley, except he’s not paying attention to the game at all.
“Did you see?” he asks Robin, feeling pleased. “That was lovely, wasn’t it?”
“Yes! And Ashley making a mistake is an added bonus,” Robin says, smugly.
“Oh, you’re quite petty,” Cesc says, feeling strangely proud.
“Look! We’re hugging.”
Cesc watches the live version of Robin throw his arms around the Cesc on the screen. “You’re hugging me,” he mumbles. But he’s secretly pleased, and a little sad that he won’t ever get to hug Robin.
He warms to Robin eventually. Bradley seems to be much too interested in Colin, and divesting Colin of his pants, so they’re constantly having to look the other way, so he ends up talking to Robin a lot.
Plus the live version of Robin is kind of magical on the field, and Cesc is a little infatuated. He's actually a little jealous of the live version of himself, until he realizes that he’s being silly because he has his own Robin. He just has to woo him in his own way, because he cannot just throw himself around Robin like his live counterpart does.
He says, “Hey, Robin, did it hurt?”
“What?”
“When you fell from heaven.”
Robin looks confused, but Samir and Nicklas obviously get it because he can hear them sniggering.
Cesc tries again. “Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?”
“Why would you need an airport?” Robin asks, missing the point.
Cesc huffs. God, he was slow.
After three days of lines, Robin finally gets it when Cesc says, “Hello, I’m a thief and I’m here to steal your heart.”
“Are you hitting on me?” Robin says, incredulously.
“Yes, obviously. I tried my best lines on you, I was starting to think you’d never get it.”
“Those were all awful.”
“Well, I’m not like the live version of me,” Cesc says, mournfully. “I can’t ask you out. We can’t go anywhere.”
“Ahhh,” Robin says, seeing his dilemma. “Well, we’re already dating, aren’t we?”
Cesc blinks. “Are we?”
Robin shrugs. “Sure. I mean, if they’re dating, and we’re them, then we’re dating, right?”
“Yes!” Cesc is infinitely pleased. “We are. You can be my first lady and we will rule over the A4s and the other posters and ours will be a rule of peace and harmony. Future generations will call this the Golden Era.”
“Err…”
“Will you be my queen, Robin?”
“Queen?”
“Well, I’m the king-”
“I thought you were lord.”
“Yes, okay, so what would you rather be then?”
“I don’t know, I’m just Robin.”
Cesc rolls his eyes. “Fine, be just Robin. You will be the people’s voice in our royal court.” He beams. “Shall we agree and make it official?”
“Err, yeah, sure.”
Cesc holds a gathering (figuratively because they’re all already there) and announces that Robin has given his hand to Cesc in marriage (“What? I did no such thing! We can’t get married!” “But Robin, this union has to be legitimate or outside forces will try to test us.” “Oh, for heaven’s sake. Oh, all right, we’ll get married, it’s not like we’ll really be married anyway.”) and they would rule over them together.
He declares an imaginary banquet to celebrate and he imagines that they all drink and are merry much like Bradley and Colin seem to be.
---
Stuff that happens in this verse but didn't make it into fic, or at least not in the way they were intended to be (why yes, I am kind of weird and crazy [but I would like to point out that pippopippo contributed to some of this madness too]):
i. there was a gallas poster at one point, and when he leaves, bradley rips him down in anger, muttering, "i never really liked you ANYWAY."
ii. (a) bradley invites colin over to watch arsenal games, except all they end up doing is making out and distracting everybody in the room. and cesc is like "BRADLEY, THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT" re: jack and the other bbs.
(b) the posters resent colin at first. like, 'man, bradley used to hang around here with us all the time. now all he does is go out with his boy or make out with colin here. it's SICK.' jack and theo are all, "THOSE IRISH FELLOWS, NOTHING BUT TROUBLE." robin tries to be the voice of reason, like, "but he's happy." and cesc is all mournful, "WE used to make him happy."
iii. cesc tries to give bradley sex/~putting the moves on~ advice after he gets over resenting colin. he says, "NOW~ do the yawn and stretch." and robin will think it's all cheesy, all the ~advice cesc gives him, and cesc will be indignant like, "uhhh, hello, that is how you would fall for ME if could move into your poster."
iv. bradley's exes used to try to convince him to get rid of posters and stuff cos they're ~childish. but colin's cool with it, so that's why they collectively stop resenting and try to help bradley score with him, cos they approve of colin.
v. while poster c/r are still fighting and stuff they watch their rl counterparts be all friendly and slashy on the telly, and poster!cesc will be yelling at rl!cesc: "DON'T HUG HIM, HE'S UNDERMINING OUR POWER." When rl!cesc is subbed and hands the armband to robin, poster!cesc is INFURIATED.
vi. poster!cesc sees all the endearing qualities of rl!r and start to associate them with p!r too, and he falls for r!r first. so when he starts putting the moves on p!r, p!r can be like ~insecure and stuff. he'll be like 'you only like me cos i look like him'. and every poster in the room goes, 'YOU ARE HIM.' jack is like, "pfght. people their age are so ridiculous."
vii. cesc is forever beardless! he sees real cesc with a beard one match and goes, "WTF IS THAT? what is that THING on my face?" robin is like, "i have gray hair!" all dismally, but cesc is like, "i think you look dashing."
viii. (a) there's a ~buzz lightyear moment, when someone gifts bradley with a poster he already owns... and they all have this terrifying moment when they realise that they're MANUFACTURED.
(b) bradley gives the poster to colin to start his ~own collection. and colin is like, "...uhhh. thanks?" (but colin doesn't put the poster up, doomed to stay in his poster confinement ~forever.)
ix. p!cesc is sort of a prude. different from rl!cesc, but y'know, there's no way for poster!cesc to be promiscuous so. but that's why he looks the other way and commands all the other posters to look away when bradley is getting it on. (it's probably because bradley purchased cesc from a kid-friendly store.) and yet he can somehow give ~advice because he has a lot of time to meditate and sometimes bradley leaves his telly on and cesc watches a lot of soaps.