1.
Title: Five AUs
Rating: PG
Pairing: Cesc Fàbregas/Robin van Persie
Disclaimer: Complete fiction
1. half god, half human― all hero
It was inconsiderate was what it was really. If you were friends with someone for five years, you would think you knew everything about them. Until they just spring some well-kept secret on you. And really, Cesc is just insulted.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demands. “I’m your best friend!”
Robin hesitates. He looks like he’s trying to choose his words carefully. “I wanted to,” he says, truthfully. “It’s just…no one can really know. It would put my life in danger.”
Cesc gives him a dirty look. “You still could have told me. I wouldn’t go telling everyone about it.”
Robin wants to roll his eyes at that. “You aren’t exactly known for keeping secrets, Cesc.”
“Excuse me? If you tell me a secret it goes straight into a vault.”
“That everyone has a key to, apparently. Remember when you told Arsène about his surprise birthday party? And when you told everyone that William liked dancing to Britney to relieve his stress? And what about when you told everyone what you saw Aaron and Jack doing behind the house the other day?”
Cesc scowls. “Well, I wouldn’t have told anyone about this. This is important. I mean, you’re a god. Literally.”
“A demi-god, Cesc. I’m part god, part human.”
“But that is so cool! So which god is your father?”
Robin makes a face. “I don’t know, he hasn’t really claimed me.”
“Can’t your mother tell you?”
“No. Apparently she’s under some oath that says she can’t. So unless my father actually claims me I won’t ever know. All she’ll tell me is he’s a kind man, and he loves me.” Robin sounds bitter at that.
“I bet it’s Zeus,” Cesc says, confidently. He perks up. “I bet you can zap people! Can you zap people? Hey, maybe we can figure out which god your dad is by what power you have.”
“I told you, I don’t have any powers,” Robin says, patiently. He was already regretting telling Cesc.
Cesc scoffs. “Well, you never told me you were a god either, so maybe you were lying about having powers.”
Robin actually does roll his eyes now. He thinks that maybe if he could zap people, maybe he would zap Cesc now. But only slightly, just enough to get him to stop talking.
“No, no powers, I swear. Cesc, you can’t tell anyone, okay?”
Cesc nods. “Okay, I promise.” He beams and squeezes Robin’s arm.
“What?” Robin demands suspiciously when Cesc leans up to kiss his shoulder.
“My boyfriend is a god,” Cesc says, happily.
Robin looks exasperated. “Cesc. A demi-god!”
-----
2. i don’t want to be just a high school sensation
Why, Robin wonders, is it so hard to start at a new school? And why was it that every school had some diva or the other that you had to cater to? At this new school, he had to deal with some person named Francesc Fàbregas. Some macho, frat-boy jock who was captain of the football team. Of course. It was sickening.
Robin wants to laugh. How does someone named Francesc manage to instill fear in everyone? Enough to make them follow you around like some obedient puppy and make you want to be his best friend?
“What kind of name is Francesc anyway?” he asks Andrei, the only boy who had offered him a seat at a lunch table.
A shadow falls over them and Andrei squeaks, his eyes widening.
“It’s Cesc actually.”
When Robin turns around, he can’t say he’s impressed. Was this supposed to be who everyone was afraid of? He was shorter than Robin, maybe a bit stockier, but that didn’t necessarily make him stronger. The two lackeys by his side didn’t seem too threatening either.
“Don’t get much respect with a name like Francesc then?” Robin asks.
Cesc gives Andrei a withering look. “No one uses that name,” he says, as the smaller blonde boy shrinks next to Robin. “Everyone calls me Cesc.” He puffs out his chest. Probably just to show off his letterman jacket. “And who are you?”
“Robin,” Robin answers, rolling his eyes.
“Nice to meet you, Roman.” Cesc gestures to the boys beside him. “This is Phil and Tomas.”
Phil smiles at him, while Tomas merely looks bored. Robin dislikes both of them on principle. Anyone willing to follow this shmuck around couldn’t have that much self-esteem.
“So tell me, Roman,” Cesc says, sliding in beside Robin and elbowing Andrei out of the way. “Do you like it at our school? Met anyone interesting?” He shoots him a dazzling smile and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.
“Not really,” Robin says. “And it’s Robin.”
Cesc laughs and claps Robin on the shoulder. “Well, that’s just because you’ve only just met me,” he says, winking. He pats Robin’s hand. “I’ll see you around, Roman.” He gets up and snaps his fingers at Tomas and Phil, who immediately get to their feet.
“Bye, Cesc!” Andrei calls out, sounding desperate.
Cesc pauses and glances at him. “Errr, yes, goodbye, Andrew.” He gives Robin one last smile and then gestures to Tomas and Phil, who both follow him as he sashays away.
“Oh my god,” Andrei squeals, turning to Robin as soon as they’re out of sight. “I think he likes you!”
Robin promptly loses his appetite.
---
3. it's our theme, we're like coffee and cream
Cesc hates being a barista. He’s not even sure why he took the job. It didn’t really pay well and it had the most godforsaken hours. The morning shifts were the worse. All those business people just waiting for their coffee made in a certain way.
That was another thing. All their fancy coffee orders. What was wrong with just having a cup of coffee with two sugars or just plain black? Or just a tea or a hot chocolate? But no, it was all a cappuccino with two shots of skim milk, and a caramel macchiato with extra caramel drizzle, no cream. Whenever the extra picky customers came, Cesc would imagine the different ways he could kick their asses if they ever met outside the coffee shop.
Like right now. Some skinny, leggy guy was ordering a large green shaken iced tea. Cesc blinks at him. “What?” What the fuck was a shaken tea?
The guy points to the menu, and Cesc scowls. He swears his customers find the stupidest things on the menu.
He’s serving another customer when the guy comes back, holding his drink in hand. “Excuse me, I ordered a shaken iced tea, this is just iced tea.”
Cesc stares at him. Was the guy serious? “What?”
The guy glares at him. “Are you hard of hearing or something? You don’t seem to understand anything.”
Cesc gapes at him. “I just don’t understand these stupid fairy drinks that you seem to love,” he snaps back. He reaches for the drink and shakes it. “Alright? Shaken.”
The guy is just staring at him. Finally he says, “You are a very rude young man”, and turns and leaves without his drink.
--
Cesc is actually having a good day for once. The afternoon shift was always better. People were more laidback and ordered drinks that were easy to make. He’s just making someone a latte, when he hears a groan. He looks up and sees the guy who had ordered that stupid shaken iced tea.
He grins. “Ahh, Fairy Drink Guy. What can I get you?”
The guy looks put off. “Isn’t there anyone else who can take my order?”
“Not really. So come on, what can I get you? Another shaken iced tea?”
The guy grimaces. “No thank you, you’ve proven you’re inept at making that,” he says, stiffly. “I’ll just have a hot chocolate.” He pauses. “Please.”
Cesc smiles. “Sure.” He grabs a cup and smirks when he sees the guy roll his eyes. He’s not so bad looking. Even if he is leggy. “So what’s your name?”
The guy stares at him. “Can I just get my drink please?”
Cesc holds out his cup, and the guy takes it. “I’m Cesc, by the way!” he calls out after him.
--
The next time the guy comes in, Cesc instantly lights up. “Fairy Drink Guy!” He pushes his co-worker out of the way. “I’ll get this one.”
The guy rolls his eyes. “Would you stop calling me that?”
“You won’t tell me your real name, so no. What’ll it be?”
There’s a sigh. “A hot chocolate please.”
Cesc leans forward on his elbows. “Oh, come on. That’s not what you really want.”
“Cesc.” His manager appears behind him. “Will you please stop harrassing our customer and get this gentleman what he asked for?”
Cesc makes a face. “Yes, Mr. Almunia.”
Fairy Drink Guy smirks.
--
Cesc all but accosts him the next time he comes into the coffee shop. “I’ve got a surprise for you, Fairy Drink Guy.” He steers him to a table and pushes him into a chair.
The guy opens his mouth to say something but Cesc cuts him off. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.” He returns a few minutes later and sets the drink down in front of him.
He pushes it closer towards the guy when he just looks at Cesc, suspiciously. “No, really, try it. I’ve been practicing all week. It’s not too sweet and I didn’t put a lot of ice in it because it waters it down. It’s really good.”
Fairy Drink Guy pushes the straw in and takes a sip. He gives Cesc a funny look.
“See? It’s good, right?”
He makes a face, but he nods. “Better than I’m used to,” he says finally. “How much do I owe you?”
Cesc shrugs. “On the house.” He turns away, but stops when he hears Fairy Drink Guy say something. He turns around. “What was that?”
“It’s Robin. My name’s Robin.”
---
4. all the vampires walking through the valley
“Uhmm, Cesc?”
“What?”
“This is awkward.” Robin tries to shift underneath him, but Cesc doesn’t give him much room to move.
Cesc huffs. “I am trying,” he said, crankily.
Robin waits, but his neck is really starting to ache. “It’s just― is it supposed to be this hard? Don’t you just bite?”
Cesc pulls back and scowls. “I don’t know how to work these fangs, okay? And how do we know it’s my fangs? Maybe it’s your neck.”
Robin shoves him away. “There is nothing wrong with my neck. If you poke it with a needle, it’ll bleed.”
Cesc looks at him, scathingly. “Are you trying to say that my fangs aren’t sharp enough?”
Robin shrugs. “They don’t look very scary is all,” he mumbles.
Cesc gasps. “How dare you. I am a very formidable vampire, Robin van Persie! Humans fear me!”
Robin rolls his eyes. “No one really knows you’re a vampire, Cesc, so they don’t really have anything to be scared of. And you don’t seem to be able to inflict much damage anyway.”
“Oh, shut up.” Cesc crosses his arms over his chest and sulks in silence. After awhile he turns to Robin. “God, but I’m starving!”
“I don’t know what you would like me to do. I offered my neck.”
Cesc looks him over. “Isn’t there a scab you can pick or something?”
Robin gives him a disgusted look. “I hope you’re joking.”
---
5. you’ll be the prince and i’ll be the princess, it’s a love story
“But chéri, I’m just worried about you,” King Arsène says. “I am getting old. Who will look after you when I pass away?”
Prince Robin lifts his chin haughtily. “I can look after myself,” he says defiantly. Then the look on his face softens and he touches his father’s arm. “Papa, I wish you wouldn’t talk that way. Nothing is going to happen to you.”
The king looks at him sadly. “I cannot live forever, my dear. Please do this for me. It will give me some peace of mind knowing you have someone who loves and cares for you when I’m gone.”
Prince Robin sighs. “Alright, papa. As you wish.”
As his courtship begins, the prince is sorry that he has agreed to this madness at all. All of the young men that come to win his hand in marriage are insufferable.
Duke Gallas had leered at him all night, and when Prince Robin finally agrees to dance with him, the duke felt him up. It was almost worth it because at least that gave the prince an excuse to slap the man. He did have to stop his father from ordering Duke Gallas’ beheading though.
Earl Nasri had simply kept kissing his hand and stroking his cheek. He was quick with words and adored the prince. Prince Robin enjoyed being adored, but the earl’s kisses were getting sloppy and the prince was running out of ways to keep his hand away.
There was a young knight called Andrei who was quite pleasant. The knight had excitedly held the prince’s hand and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. Well, Prince Robin assumed they were sweet nothings― he couldn’t understand a word the knight said, so he had to send Knight Andrei on his way. The blonde knight had looked heartbroken, but what was a prince to do? Their marriage would never have worked out.
“Your suitors are all jokes,” his manservant says. “I wouldn’t choose any of them, and I’m not even a noble.”
“They’re not all bad,” Prince Robin says, defensively. “Knight Andrei was sweet.”
The manservant scoffs. “The twelve-year old? Did you see his face when you said no? He looked like he was going to cry. Is that what you want? A wimp?”
“I don’t believe this is any of your business,” Prince Robin says, stiffly.
Alas the prince did not have any more luck as the weeks went on. Count Almunia seemed more interested in the riches he would get through a royal marriage, Duke Nicklas spent most of their time together grinning at the handmaidens, and Knight Theo had a prolonged conversation with King Arsène but didn’t say more than two words to Prince Robin.
“I like that Theodore,” King Arsène says later than night. “What about him, dear?”
The prince looks at him, sourly. “No, I don’t think so.”
He finds himself complaining to his manservant later on. “You’re right, you know. It’s hopeless. They’re all terrible. Either just interested in my money and title, or they’re just disgusting.” He closes his eyes as his manservant presses a wet cloth to his forehead.
“I saw that Nicklas fellow talking to Knight Theo. They seemed a bit too friendly.”
“You aren’t helping.” Prince Robin sits up, and looks thoughtful. “What about Viscount Flamini? He was alright, wasn’t he?”
His manservant scowls. “The harp-playing fool? You must be terribly desperate, your highness. Who plays a harp these days?”
“I thought it was endearing.”
“It would be endearing if he was good at it. Don’t pretend like he was. I saw the look on your face. You were in pain.”
Prince Robin sighs. “Yes, it was rather horrendous, wasn’t it?” He watches as his manservant fixes the water for his bath. “The worst thing is I can’t really talk to any of them,” he says, suddenly.
His manservant shrugs. “Hardly necessary, is it? You’ve got me to talk to.”
“Yes.” The prince pauses. “You take care of me, don’t you? That’s all I really need to be happy.”
The manservant looks up. “Of course, sire. Now if only the prince was allowed to marry a manservant.”
“Well―”
His manservant laughs. “I was joking. The king wouldn’t allow it and―” He shrugs. “I’m hardly good enough.”
Prince Robin doesn’t agree, but he stays silent, and he doesn’t catch the disappointed look on his manservant’s face.
--
“No, Robin, I will not allow it!” King Arsène looks at the prince like he has lost his mind. “Surely you’re joking. You want to marry him? He is not of noble blood!”
“That doesn’t matter,” Prince Robin insists.
“Oh yes it does. It matters a lot. You are going to be King, you cannot marry a lowly manservant, Robin. Be reasonable.”
“You said you just wanted someone to care for me and love me,” Prince Robin says. “None of the suitors who came to court me cared about me or loved me.” He lowers his voice and looks at his father, pleadingly. “Please, papa, if it is truly my choice, then you will say it’s alright.”
King Arsène sighs. “He does not have what it takes.”
“He does. He may not be of noble blood, but everything about him is.”
The king shakes his head. “Aging has made me soft.”
Prince Robin grins. “Is that a yes?”
--
“I’ve found someone,” Prince Robin announces to his manservant.
“Who? That harp-playing twit with the greasy hair?” his manservant asks, bitterly.
“Hardly. I would have to wear ear plugs for our entire marriage,” Prince Robin says, laughing. He stops short. “Why are you banging things around? Are you upset?”
“No, of course not. Now that you’ve found your Prince Charming, all these feasts can stop and I won’t have all this extra work to do.”
“I don’t think you’ll be doing this anymore,” Prince Robin says, mildly. “It’s not very prince-like if you do your own chores.”
The manservant stops. “What,” he says, “are you talking about?”
“I talked to my father,” the prince says. “About marrying someone who isn’t a nobleman. He seemed alright with it.” He smiles.
His manservant simply stares at him.
“You know, Cesc, I think this is the first time I’ve actually seen you speechless.”
“I will poison your wine if you’re joking,” Cesc says, quietly. “I mean it. I don’t care that it’s treason.”
Prince Robin smiles as he takes a step forward. “Oh, I’m sure you would too. It’s a good thing I’m not joking then.”
Cesc looks at him and smiles faintly. “I’d be a terrible prince.”
“Absolutely terrible,” Prince Robin agrees, taking Cesc’s hand in his. “You’re horribly uncouth.”
“I have no manners at all,” Cesc says, stepping toward the prince. “I’ll embarrass your father at all the feasts.”
“He will be appalled.”
“Horrified. You too.”
The prince shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Do I still have to call you sire?”
“You mostly only used it to mock me anyway.”
“So just Robin then?”
“Just Robin.”
“Yes, well, Just Robin, I’m tired of talking.” And in a way that really would appall King Arsène, Cesc grabs the prince and pulls him in for a kiss.
He sighs happily when he pulls back. He puts his arms around Prince Robin and tucks his head under the prince’s chin. “And they lived happily ever after.”
Rating: PG
Pairing: Cesc Fàbregas/Robin van Persie
Disclaimer: Complete fiction
1. half god, half human― all hero
It was inconsiderate was what it was really. If you were friends with someone for five years, you would think you knew everything about them. Until they just spring some well-kept secret on you. And really, Cesc is just insulted.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demands. “I’m your best friend!”
Robin hesitates. He looks like he’s trying to choose his words carefully. “I wanted to,” he says, truthfully. “It’s just…no one can really know. It would put my life in danger.”
Cesc gives him a dirty look. “You still could have told me. I wouldn’t go telling everyone about it.”
Robin wants to roll his eyes at that. “You aren’t exactly known for keeping secrets, Cesc.”
“Excuse me? If you tell me a secret it goes straight into a vault.”
“That everyone has a key to, apparently. Remember when you told Arsène about his surprise birthday party? And when you told everyone that William liked dancing to Britney to relieve his stress? And what about when you told everyone what you saw Aaron and Jack doing behind the house the other day?”
Cesc scowls. “Well, I wouldn’t have told anyone about this. This is important. I mean, you’re a god. Literally.”
“A demi-god, Cesc. I’m part god, part human.”
“But that is so cool! So which god is your father?”
Robin makes a face. “I don’t know, he hasn’t really claimed me.”
“Can’t your mother tell you?”
“No. Apparently she’s under some oath that says she can’t. So unless my father actually claims me I won’t ever know. All she’ll tell me is he’s a kind man, and he loves me.” Robin sounds bitter at that.
“I bet it’s Zeus,” Cesc says, confidently. He perks up. “I bet you can zap people! Can you zap people? Hey, maybe we can figure out which god your dad is by what power you have.”
“I told you, I don’t have any powers,” Robin says, patiently. He was already regretting telling Cesc.
Cesc scoffs. “Well, you never told me you were a god either, so maybe you were lying about having powers.”
Robin actually does roll his eyes now. He thinks that maybe if he could zap people, maybe he would zap Cesc now. But only slightly, just enough to get him to stop talking.
“No, no powers, I swear. Cesc, you can’t tell anyone, okay?”
Cesc nods. “Okay, I promise.” He beams and squeezes Robin’s arm.
“What?” Robin demands suspiciously when Cesc leans up to kiss his shoulder.
“My boyfriend is a god,” Cesc says, happily.
Robin looks exasperated. “Cesc. A demi-god!”
-----
2. i don’t want to be just a high school sensation
Why, Robin wonders, is it so hard to start at a new school? And why was it that every school had some diva or the other that you had to cater to? At this new school, he had to deal with some person named Francesc Fàbregas. Some macho, frat-boy jock who was captain of the football team. Of course. It was sickening.
Robin wants to laugh. How does someone named Francesc manage to instill fear in everyone? Enough to make them follow you around like some obedient puppy and make you want to be his best friend?
“What kind of name is Francesc anyway?” he asks Andrei, the only boy who had offered him a seat at a lunch table.
A shadow falls over them and Andrei squeaks, his eyes widening.
“It’s Cesc actually.”
When Robin turns around, he can’t say he’s impressed. Was this supposed to be who everyone was afraid of? He was shorter than Robin, maybe a bit stockier, but that didn’t necessarily make him stronger. The two lackeys by his side didn’t seem too threatening either.
“Don’t get much respect with a name like Francesc then?” Robin asks.
Cesc gives Andrei a withering look. “No one uses that name,” he says, as the smaller blonde boy shrinks next to Robin. “Everyone calls me Cesc.” He puffs out his chest. Probably just to show off his letterman jacket. “And who are you?”
“Robin,” Robin answers, rolling his eyes.
“Nice to meet you, Roman.” Cesc gestures to the boys beside him. “This is Phil and Tomas.”
Phil smiles at him, while Tomas merely looks bored. Robin dislikes both of them on principle. Anyone willing to follow this shmuck around couldn’t have that much self-esteem.
“So tell me, Roman,” Cesc says, sliding in beside Robin and elbowing Andrei out of the way. “Do you like it at our school? Met anyone interesting?” He shoots him a dazzling smile and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.
“Not really,” Robin says. “And it’s Robin.”
Cesc laughs and claps Robin on the shoulder. “Well, that’s just because you’ve only just met me,” he says, winking. He pats Robin’s hand. “I’ll see you around, Roman.” He gets up and snaps his fingers at Tomas and Phil, who immediately get to their feet.
“Bye, Cesc!” Andrei calls out, sounding desperate.
Cesc pauses and glances at him. “Errr, yes, goodbye, Andrew.” He gives Robin one last smile and then gestures to Tomas and Phil, who both follow him as he sashays away.
“Oh my god,” Andrei squeals, turning to Robin as soon as they’re out of sight. “I think he likes you!”
Robin promptly loses his appetite.
---
3. it's our theme, we're like coffee and cream
Cesc hates being a barista. He’s not even sure why he took the job. It didn’t really pay well and it had the most godforsaken hours. The morning shifts were the worse. All those business people just waiting for their coffee made in a certain way.
That was another thing. All their fancy coffee orders. What was wrong with just having a cup of coffee with two sugars or just plain black? Or just a tea or a hot chocolate? But no, it was all a cappuccino with two shots of skim milk, and a caramel macchiato with extra caramel drizzle, no cream. Whenever the extra picky customers came, Cesc would imagine the different ways he could kick their asses if they ever met outside the coffee shop.
Like right now. Some skinny, leggy guy was ordering a large green shaken iced tea. Cesc blinks at him. “What?” What the fuck was a shaken tea?
The guy points to the menu, and Cesc scowls. He swears his customers find the stupidest things on the menu.
He’s serving another customer when the guy comes back, holding his drink in hand. “Excuse me, I ordered a shaken iced tea, this is just iced tea.”
Cesc stares at him. Was the guy serious? “What?”
The guy glares at him. “Are you hard of hearing or something? You don’t seem to understand anything.”
Cesc gapes at him. “I just don’t understand these stupid fairy drinks that you seem to love,” he snaps back. He reaches for the drink and shakes it. “Alright? Shaken.”
The guy is just staring at him. Finally he says, “You are a very rude young man”, and turns and leaves without his drink.
--
Cesc is actually having a good day for once. The afternoon shift was always better. People were more laidback and ordered drinks that were easy to make. He’s just making someone a latte, when he hears a groan. He looks up and sees the guy who had ordered that stupid shaken iced tea.
He grins. “Ahh, Fairy Drink Guy. What can I get you?”
The guy looks put off. “Isn’t there anyone else who can take my order?”
“Not really. So come on, what can I get you? Another shaken iced tea?”
The guy grimaces. “No thank you, you’ve proven you’re inept at making that,” he says, stiffly. “I’ll just have a hot chocolate.” He pauses. “Please.”
Cesc smiles. “Sure.” He grabs a cup and smirks when he sees the guy roll his eyes. He’s not so bad looking. Even if he is leggy. “So what’s your name?”
The guy stares at him. “Can I just get my drink please?”
Cesc holds out his cup, and the guy takes it. “I’m Cesc, by the way!” he calls out after him.
--
The next time the guy comes in, Cesc instantly lights up. “Fairy Drink Guy!” He pushes his co-worker out of the way. “I’ll get this one.”
The guy rolls his eyes. “Would you stop calling me that?”
“You won’t tell me your real name, so no. What’ll it be?”
There’s a sigh. “A hot chocolate please.”
Cesc leans forward on his elbows. “Oh, come on. That’s not what you really want.”
“Cesc.” His manager appears behind him. “Will you please stop harrassing our customer and get this gentleman what he asked for?”
Cesc makes a face. “Yes, Mr. Almunia.”
Fairy Drink Guy smirks.
--
Cesc all but accosts him the next time he comes into the coffee shop. “I’ve got a surprise for you, Fairy Drink Guy.” He steers him to a table and pushes him into a chair.
The guy opens his mouth to say something but Cesc cuts him off. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.” He returns a few minutes later and sets the drink down in front of him.
He pushes it closer towards the guy when he just looks at Cesc, suspiciously. “No, really, try it. I’ve been practicing all week. It’s not too sweet and I didn’t put a lot of ice in it because it waters it down. It’s really good.”
Fairy Drink Guy pushes the straw in and takes a sip. He gives Cesc a funny look.
“See? It’s good, right?”
He makes a face, but he nods. “Better than I’m used to,” he says finally. “How much do I owe you?”
Cesc shrugs. “On the house.” He turns away, but stops when he hears Fairy Drink Guy say something. He turns around. “What was that?”
“It’s Robin. My name’s Robin.”
---
4. all the vampires walking through the valley
“Uhmm, Cesc?”
“What?”
“This is awkward.” Robin tries to shift underneath him, but Cesc doesn’t give him much room to move.
Cesc huffs. “I am trying,” he said, crankily.
Robin waits, but his neck is really starting to ache. “It’s just― is it supposed to be this hard? Don’t you just bite?”
Cesc pulls back and scowls. “I don’t know how to work these fangs, okay? And how do we know it’s my fangs? Maybe it’s your neck.”
Robin shoves him away. “There is nothing wrong with my neck. If you poke it with a needle, it’ll bleed.”
Cesc looks at him, scathingly. “Are you trying to say that my fangs aren’t sharp enough?”
Robin shrugs. “They don’t look very scary is all,” he mumbles.
Cesc gasps. “How dare you. I am a very formidable vampire, Robin van Persie! Humans fear me!”
Robin rolls his eyes. “No one really knows you’re a vampire, Cesc, so they don’t really have anything to be scared of. And you don’t seem to be able to inflict much damage anyway.”
“Oh, shut up.” Cesc crosses his arms over his chest and sulks in silence. After awhile he turns to Robin. “God, but I’m starving!”
“I don’t know what you would like me to do. I offered my neck.”
Cesc looks him over. “Isn’t there a scab you can pick or something?”
Robin gives him a disgusted look. “I hope you’re joking.”
---
5. you’ll be the prince and i’ll be the princess, it’s a love story
“But chéri, I’m just worried about you,” King Arsène says. “I am getting old. Who will look after you when I pass away?”
Prince Robin lifts his chin haughtily. “I can look after myself,” he says defiantly. Then the look on his face softens and he touches his father’s arm. “Papa, I wish you wouldn’t talk that way. Nothing is going to happen to you.”
The king looks at him sadly. “I cannot live forever, my dear. Please do this for me. It will give me some peace of mind knowing you have someone who loves and cares for you when I’m gone.”
Prince Robin sighs. “Alright, papa. As you wish.”
As his courtship begins, the prince is sorry that he has agreed to this madness at all. All of the young men that come to win his hand in marriage are insufferable.
Duke Gallas had leered at him all night, and when Prince Robin finally agrees to dance with him, the duke felt him up. It was almost worth it because at least that gave the prince an excuse to slap the man. He did have to stop his father from ordering Duke Gallas’ beheading though.
Earl Nasri had simply kept kissing his hand and stroking his cheek. He was quick with words and adored the prince. Prince Robin enjoyed being adored, but the earl’s kisses were getting sloppy and the prince was running out of ways to keep his hand away.
There was a young knight called Andrei who was quite pleasant. The knight had excitedly held the prince’s hand and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. Well, Prince Robin assumed they were sweet nothings― he couldn’t understand a word the knight said, so he had to send Knight Andrei on his way. The blonde knight had looked heartbroken, but what was a prince to do? Their marriage would never have worked out.
“Your suitors are all jokes,” his manservant says. “I wouldn’t choose any of them, and I’m not even a noble.”
“They’re not all bad,” Prince Robin says, defensively. “Knight Andrei was sweet.”
The manservant scoffs. “The twelve-year old? Did you see his face when you said no? He looked like he was going to cry. Is that what you want? A wimp?”
“I don’t believe this is any of your business,” Prince Robin says, stiffly.
Alas the prince did not have any more luck as the weeks went on. Count Almunia seemed more interested in the riches he would get through a royal marriage, Duke Nicklas spent most of their time together grinning at the handmaidens, and Knight Theo had a prolonged conversation with King Arsène but didn’t say more than two words to Prince Robin.
“I like that Theodore,” King Arsène says later than night. “What about him, dear?”
The prince looks at him, sourly. “No, I don’t think so.”
He finds himself complaining to his manservant later on. “You’re right, you know. It’s hopeless. They’re all terrible. Either just interested in my money and title, or they’re just disgusting.” He closes his eyes as his manservant presses a wet cloth to his forehead.
“I saw that Nicklas fellow talking to Knight Theo. They seemed a bit too friendly.”
“You aren’t helping.” Prince Robin sits up, and looks thoughtful. “What about Viscount Flamini? He was alright, wasn’t he?”
His manservant scowls. “The harp-playing fool? You must be terribly desperate, your highness. Who plays a harp these days?”
“I thought it was endearing.”
“It would be endearing if he was good at it. Don’t pretend like he was. I saw the look on your face. You were in pain.”
Prince Robin sighs. “Yes, it was rather horrendous, wasn’t it?” He watches as his manservant fixes the water for his bath. “The worst thing is I can’t really talk to any of them,” he says, suddenly.
His manservant shrugs. “Hardly necessary, is it? You’ve got me to talk to.”
“Yes.” The prince pauses. “You take care of me, don’t you? That’s all I really need to be happy.”
The manservant looks up. “Of course, sire. Now if only the prince was allowed to marry a manservant.”
“Well―”
His manservant laughs. “I was joking. The king wouldn’t allow it and―” He shrugs. “I’m hardly good enough.”
Prince Robin doesn’t agree, but he stays silent, and he doesn’t catch the disappointed look on his manservant’s face.
--
“No, Robin, I will not allow it!” King Arsène looks at the prince like he has lost his mind. “Surely you’re joking. You want to marry him? He is not of noble blood!”
“That doesn’t matter,” Prince Robin insists.
“Oh yes it does. It matters a lot. You are going to be King, you cannot marry a lowly manservant, Robin. Be reasonable.”
“You said you just wanted someone to care for me and love me,” Prince Robin says. “None of the suitors who came to court me cared about me or loved me.” He lowers his voice and looks at his father, pleadingly. “Please, papa, if it is truly my choice, then you will say it’s alright.”
King Arsène sighs. “He does not have what it takes.”
“He does. He may not be of noble blood, but everything about him is.”
The king shakes his head. “Aging has made me soft.”
Prince Robin grins. “Is that a yes?”
--
“I’ve found someone,” Prince Robin announces to his manservant.
“Who? That harp-playing twit with the greasy hair?” his manservant asks, bitterly.
“Hardly. I would have to wear ear plugs for our entire marriage,” Prince Robin says, laughing. He stops short. “Why are you banging things around? Are you upset?”
“No, of course not. Now that you’ve found your Prince Charming, all these feasts can stop and I won’t have all this extra work to do.”
“I don’t think you’ll be doing this anymore,” Prince Robin says, mildly. “It’s not very prince-like if you do your own chores.”
The manservant stops. “What,” he says, “are you talking about?”
“I talked to my father,” the prince says. “About marrying someone who isn’t a nobleman. He seemed alright with it.” He smiles.
His manservant simply stares at him.
“You know, Cesc, I think this is the first time I’ve actually seen you speechless.”
“I will poison your wine if you’re joking,” Cesc says, quietly. “I mean it. I don’t care that it’s treason.”
Prince Robin smiles as he takes a step forward. “Oh, I’m sure you would too. It’s a good thing I’m not joking then.”
Cesc looks at him and smiles faintly. “I’d be a terrible prince.”
“Absolutely terrible,” Prince Robin agrees, taking Cesc’s hand in his. “You’re horribly uncouth.”
“I have no manners at all,” Cesc says, stepping toward the prince. “I’ll embarrass your father at all the feasts.”
“He will be appalled.”
“Horrified. You too.”
The prince shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Do I still have to call you sire?”
“You mostly only used it to mock me anyway.”
“So just Robin then?”
“Just Robin.”
“Yes, well, Just Robin, I’m tired of talking.” And in a way that really would appall King Arsène, Cesc grabs the prince and pulls him in for a kiss.
He sighs happily when he pulls back. He puts his arms around Prince Robin and tucks his head under the prince’s chin. “And they lived happily ever after.”