i feel very alone today

[canthelpwhoiam]

soo im kinda new to all this journaling stuff. i hope this helps me some. anyways, today i feel really alone in all this stuff. i work at one of the only places open on christmas day, and somehow a good guy friend of mine got my secret out of me. that being that for the past 5 yrs (since grade 8) i've been battling with an eating disorder. im not

Comments

:] thanks.

[canthelpwhoiam]

im not much of a pen and paper writer either..but typing is so much easier and i get to connect to others as well, instead of just keeping all my words to myself. to me, it seems like writing on paper doesn't help because i am still alone. but here i get to interact which is new and NICE. and yeah, i feel like im on some parallel universe or something right now. this persons eyes are just following me differently now. he says im gorgeous and kick ass or whatever, but he wouldnt have said that if i hadn't have told him. so i feel like he was just feeling sorry for me,which i DON'T WANT. so i totally relate about feeling bitterly alone in this.

(my friends and family don't know. they haven't since i was 13,when all of this came into play.
....i have the same cycle between anorexia and bulimia. ugh. its so frustrating. i dont know who i am..or WHAT i am.)

=S

[tellme_x]

i started livejournal for the exact same reason. i have found that it is very helpful and really makes you realize just how many other people there are who are struggling with this same ed.
i can relate to what you said about being afraid that others would see you differently if they knew. i have only told two people about my ed, though i am starting treatment soon for the first time and will probably have to tell my family, also.
*hugs* keep your chin up

=S

[canthelpwhoiam]

telling family seems like it'd be the hardest thing.
i haven't told mine yet, and dont really plan on it.
not yet,anyways.

i think i'd prolly feel ashamed. embarrassed. stupid. ugh..the list is endless.
(but truthfully----i feel that way NOW. hah.)

[misselectrikkk]

Like the two girls above me, I started this whole Livejournal thing because I feel like I'm incredibly alone, lost, and have the potential to spiral heavily out of control. It's a way to relate about our disorders, which I cannot/will not discuss with anyone, because I don't want to seem weak, make everyone aware that I'm not this thin naturally.
But to answer your question, sometimes I feel like people understand, but more increasingly so, I do not. I feel like a separate planet from the rest of the people in my life, like I'm in a parallel plane. And most of all, I feel friendless.

[canthelpwhoiam]

thanks so much for the reply on my journal entry!
it really does help to read it. i feel the same way. friendless.
to this world friends are considered to be people who you can tell anything to and trust that their mouths will stay SHUT! i've tested my friends respect for my business with small things, just to see if i can tell someone the truth about me..i guess to vent or something, but all my business leaked out EVERYWHERE!!!! ugh.
i feel like im on some parallel universe or something..

[misselectrikkk]

You know, knowing that you feel this way and that so many other people feel like this, friendless and lonely, is sort of comforting. I guess we're all in this together.

[canthelpwhoiam]

hah.
YOU'RE NOT KIDDING.

[fattehsaurusrex]

Hey - sorry, this was the only entry I could comment on! I'm adding you to this username too just in case; I also added you on getyourhurton.

Hope your Monday is going well :)