File ME-06: And Now For Something Completely Different
I feel it is my duty to remind you of something not quite as dangerous but no less serious at this point in time.
Fortunately or otherwise, right now we are living in this City in the year 2010. This apparently also happens to be the time of decade that the government of this country finds it necessary to count everyone living and sleeping within its borders. No doubt some of you will be confronted by normal human citizens who merely wish to do their few weeks' worth of work and get well-compensated for it, as many are new to this place and others may not have known what to do with the forms or simply thrown them out.
[Evidently, he's practiced this part of the lecture many, many times already and may be reciting it on autopilot.]
For everyone's sake, kindly do not maim, shoot, stab, strangle, torture, terrify, dismember, hypnotize, eviscerate, set on fire, freeze, bend, break, gas, kidnap, electrocute, injure, experiment upon, or in any other way cause mental, emotional, or physical harm of either a permanent or temporary nature to these people.
[A little more attentive.]
Federal regulations prevent the Bureau from sharing private levels of information with third parties, and forbids anyone to use anything you provide against you. Therefore, you have no need to fear surprise visits from police or the army discovering where you are staying, and no retaliation may be made regarding your status as imPorts.
You may answer the questions of origin as openly as you like, whether you are human, mutant, or...Skrull, I believe is the name? Use your own personal judgment regarding whether to use your current physical age or the one you would be, given the present year; those of you whose age reaches beyond triple digits may wish to have it noted separately.
It has also been requested that I ask everyone to please refrain from giving extended speeches regarding the inferiority or superiority of either your given home world or its contents, as they do have something of a time limit to work with--Starscream, I am in fact looking at you in particular.
Also be aware that this does permanently record the existence of imPorts as a statistic, and potentially something worthy of funding or beneficial social projects. By answering, you are making it clear to everyone--both those who are glad to have you and those who are not--that you are here, and of as equal importance as anyone naturally born to this universe.
On another note, some of you may well consider this your chance to take your place in history, and I do not deny you the right to that feeling; celebrate as you please. Er--within the realm of legality, of course.
[Oh, he sounds so happy. This is some kind of joyous inner moment for him, speaking about such subjects. Excuse him if he gets a little misty-eyed over the chance to be such a paperwork-loving lawyer.]
Ah--and one last thing.
Let me remind you all that you are required to respond, and truthfully. The same rules which protect you must have your compliance. Therefore, a failure to cooperate appropriately may be punishable by... [for a moment, Edgeworth seems as though he might break into laughter at his own sense of humor] ... The Law.
[ooc// Oh, come on. Like I could let the pun slide. I've had this post ready in my head since February. :| ]
Fortunately or otherwise, right now we are living in this City in the year 2010. This apparently also happens to be the time of decade that the government of this country finds it necessary to count everyone living and sleeping within its borders. No doubt some of you will be confronted by normal human citizens who merely wish to do their few weeks' worth of work and get well-compensated for it, as many are new to this place and others may not have known what to do with the forms or simply thrown them out.
[Evidently, he's practiced this part of the lecture many, many times already and may be reciting it on autopilot.]
For everyone's sake, kindly do not maim, shoot, stab, strangle, torture, terrify, dismember, hypnotize, eviscerate, set on fire, freeze, bend, break, gas, kidnap, electrocute, injure, experiment upon, or in any other way cause mental, emotional, or physical harm of either a permanent or temporary nature to these people.
[A little more attentive.]
Federal regulations prevent the Bureau from sharing private levels of information with third parties, and forbids anyone to use anything you provide against you. Therefore, you have no need to fear surprise visits from police or the army discovering where you are staying, and no retaliation may be made regarding your status as imPorts.
You may answer the questions of origin as openly as you like, whether you are human, mutant, or...Skrull, I believe is the name? Use your own personal judgment regarding whether to use your current physical age or the one you would be, given the present year; those of you whose age reaches beyond triple digits may wish to have it noted separately.
It has also been requested that I ask everyone to please refrain from giving extended speeches regarding the inferiority or superiority of either your given home world or its contents, as they do have something of a time limit to work with--Starscream, I am in fact looking at you in particular.
Also be aware that this does permanently record the existence of imPorts as a statistic, and potentially something worthy of funding or beneficial social projects. By answering, you are making it clear to everyone--both those who are glad to have you and those who are not--that you are here, and of as equal importance as anyone naturally born to this universe.
On another note, some of you may well consider this your chance to take your place in history, and I do not deny you the right to that feeling; celebrate as you please. Er--within the realm of legality, of course.
[Oh, he sounds so happy. This is some kind of joyous inner moment for him, speaking about such subjects. Excuse him if he gets a little misty-eyed over the chance to be such a paperwork-loving lawyer.]
Ah--and one last thing.
Let me remind you all that you are required to respond, and truthfully. The same rules which protect you must have your compliance. Therefore, a failure to cooperate appropriately may be punishable by... [for a moment, Edgeworth seems as though he might break into laughter at his own sense of humor] ... The Law.
[ooc// Oh, come on. Like I could let the pun slide. I've had this post ready in my head since February. :| ]