Tenth Scuttle - Video
[The video turns on to reveal Zoidberg standing before the camera, swaying back and forth, almost like he is moving along to some inaudible music. He stares into the camera in his signature creepy way, mouth frills dangling hideously.]
Greetings, friends! It's me! Doctor Zoidberg, the Lovable Tramp!
[A pause, like he's waiting for some sort of acknowledgment. It doesn't come, so he continues on anyway.]
I've heard tell of the healing art of poetry, and of how one's spirit and soul could be mended by expressing one's feelings using the power of verse! Well I had to put this theory to the test, as my heart has been brimming with sadness ever since my very best friend, The Hood, was gobbled up by the rowbutt woman a few weeks ago.
So please, friends, stand by as Zoidberg the troubadour regales you with a poem of the adventures of two very esteemed members of our tribe!
[He pulls out a lute -- how he got it and how the hell he is playing it may never be known. But he is strumming out some chords, as if to accompany himself as he recites in all seriousness:]
There once were two guys from Nantucket
Who were in and out of prison a few times but generally they were very nice individuals.
And very generous too!
One time they gave me my very own tank to live in!
What an afternoon that was!
But that's another story for another day!
These two upstanding citizens were named The Hood and Electro
For reasons that are still unclear to this very day.
They were not perfect men, but they were very masculine men,
Ripe with bountiful male jelly
And ready to impregnate every willing female in their paths,
For their manhood knew no bounds.
Indeed, they had more females than they knew what to do with,
And sometimes they would share their females with other, lesser males
Because they were generous. Did I mention that already?
Well, they were very generous men, why not!
But they were imprisoned! By jealous males who wanted their females to themselves!
And thus began the dark, hollow part of our tale.
They were imprisoned! Falsely accused of misdeeds!
And in that time, they came to know the sensual art of submissive love.
It was a valuable skill that they would come to perfect
And later share with the world,
Upon their very many releases.
For they were quite popular with the other prisoners, because they were generous with their skills
Eventually their freedoms were secure! Hooray! My two best friends had done their time!
And together they set about to conquer the world
And produce as many offspring as they could, for that is the sole purpose of life!
They accumulated quite a collection of satisfied concubines and repeat customers.
They regularly cavorted with street walkers and other manners of prostitutes,
Sharing their skills and pleasures with more women than you can even imagine!
All the while they maintained a true and righteous friendship.
For theirs was a love that knew no bounds,
A partnership built on the foundations of masculinity and brotherhood.
Now friend Electro is alone, with his two whores,
And friend Hood is somewhere in the great beyond
But someday they will be reunited to share their male jelly with each other and the world!
[One final strum of the lute and he sets it aside, positively beaming. He gives an exaggerated bow and waits eagerly for the praise that surely will come!]
Greetings, friends! It's me! Doctor Zoidberg, the Lovable Tramp!
[A pause, like he's waiting for some sort of acknowledgment. It doesn't come, so he continues on anyway.]
I've heard tell of the healing art of poetry, and of how one's spirit and soul could be mended by expressing one's feelings using the power of verse! Well I had to put this theory to the test, as my heart has been brimming with sadness ever since my very best friend, The Hood, was gobbled up by the rowbutt woman a few weeks ago.
So please, friends, stand by as Zoidberg the troubadour regales you with a poem of the adventures of two very esteemed members of our tribe!
[He pulls out a lute -- how he got it and how the hell he is playing it may never be known. But he is strumming out some chords, as if to accompany himself as he recites in all seriousness:]
There once were two guys from Nantucket
Who were in and out of prison a few times but generally they were very nice individuals.
And very generous too!
One time they gave me my very own tank to live in!
What an afternoon that was!
But that's another story for another day!
These two upstanding citizens were named The Hood and Electro
For reasons that are still unclear to this very day.
They were not perfect men, but they were very masculine men,
Ripe with bountiful male jelly
And ready to impregnate every willing female in their paths,
For their manhood knew no bounds.
Indeed, they had more females than they knew what to do with,
And sometimes they would share their females with other, lesser males
Because they were generous. Did I mention that already?
Well, they were very generous men, why not!
But they were imprisoned! By jealous males who wanted their females to themselves!
And thus began the dark, hollow part of our tale.
They were imprisoned! Falsely accused of misdeeds!
And in that time, they came to know the sensual art of submissive love.
It was a valuable skill that they would come to perfect
And later share with the world,
Upon their very many releases.
For they were quite popular with the other prisoners, because they were generous with their skills
Eventually their freedoms were secure! Hooray! My two best friends had done their time!
And together they set about to conquer the world
And produce as many offspring as they could, for that is the sole purpose of life!
They accumulated quite a collection of satisfied concubines and repeat customers.
They regularly cavorted with street walkers and other manners of prostitutes,
Sharing their skills and pleasures with more women than you can even imagine!
All the while they maintained a true and righteous friendship.
For theirs was a love that knew no bounds,
A partnership built on the foundations of masculinity and brotherhood.
Now friend Electro is alone, with his two whores,
And friend Hood is somewhere in the great beyond
But someday they will be reunited to share their male jelly with each other and the world!
[One final strum of the lute and he sets it aside, positively beaming. He gives an exaggerated bow and waits eagerly for the praise that surely will come!]