(no subject)
you can look at yourself, eye to eye, and say " i need to fix this, i have to fix this." this be whatever flaw fits currently. but doing it is something else entirely. its all these filters we pick up, they are the devil. we learn to subdue our thoughts, our desires, because of society. society says i cant say something because its gay, or its stupid, or its whatever. fact is i want to say it, but this, idea, puts me in check.
it happens to you one day at a time, its a slow and painless death, you have to wake up in the middle of it all to realize its even happening. even then, what can you do? your a slave to habit, your goals are cemented. to rebel would be to fight years, 19 years for me, of conditioning. fight off these responses, not reinvent yourself but let yourself be free. i dont care what any of you say, none of you are really you around anyone else but you. we are all, masks, carefully planned and selected. i hate it, i hate how it happened, i hate what it represents, i hate how it damages our most basic functionality.
i feel dumb, dumb and clumsy, uneducated, cowardly, but why? am i these things, are these ideas i made up, are they paranoid vomited baseless fears, and how could i ever know? i am a mask, even to myself.
is it too late to smash the false identities? or do they become you?
i ask, what does it mean to be american? to assume everyone is trying to sell you their crap, that all they want is fast burgers and cheaper lays, that its all a swindle, that our morals died with our innocence, that escape is around the corner and doesnt card, that life and death hang on a career, what the fuck does it mean to be an american?
to be an american, is the worst thing in the world. cultureless, imperialist, faceless, angry dogs.