antonio was a fucking weiner. i would have at least given shylock the finger.

[capnjimbo]

fr1st p0s7 2004 b17ch35. um, i was never really one for keeping up with the times, i guess. the year so far's been pretty good to me (shit, how could it not be? it's the year of the monkey. a billion chinese people can't be wrong. a thousand or so loiterers in tiannamen square can be a little misguided perhaps, but all up they're a pretty spot on

Comments

flipping the bir

[anonymous]

I bet your crappy jokes to self had you in stitches! You should of kept the tip and played that old trick where you put your finger in a matchbox and get someone to open it, and there is a fingertip covered in blood on cotton wool inside. It is pretty lame with a fake fingertip, but you could totally scare the kids with some freshly cut off fingertip action. Or you could put it in someone's hot dog, or put it in water and make an ice block around it...I can't believe I've never thought of self-mutilation for comic purposes before, so many opportunities. I like that joke about Van Gogh pointing to the ground and saying "What's this 'ere?". And losing a limb is always funny, what with all the legless/going out on a limb gags.
When I was living on my parent's farm I once split my thumb open with an axe (it gets pretty boring down there sometimes), but I've never gone the whole hog and chopped something off completely. Maybe it's about time I pulled my finger out....

terry

amputeenage (laff) riot

[capnjimbo]

bwahaha. man, that ice block thing is like the fly-in-an-icecube gag for the post-jackass generation. but i think i'm going to put my fingertip in a can of softdrink (or maybe somthing it's less likely to dissolve in) and sue the fuck out of coke. not only do juries generally consider it bad form to accuse cripples of lying, but i'm now minus one fingerprint too. i have grown from tragedy into a perfect evil genius.

jokes about limb loss are great if you have a friendly neighbourhood person with raynaud's to aim them at. you don't have a leg to stand on/you're a pushover/hop to it/where do you find a person with raynaud's? where you left them. if they're giving up having feelings anyways then it's all totally 'armless fun.

Re: amputeenage (laff) riot

[anonymous]

The one benefit of Raynaud's is that you actually get to keep your feeling-less parts *on* your body. This way you don't have to worry about where to put the tip. And although you might in fact be a freak, at least you don't look like one.

(yup, iam one parts dead to six hundred and fifty nine parts living. i am the closest thing to a zombie you'll ever want to meet.)

Love, your friendly neighbourhood person with raynauds.

P.S I am holding yr tully craft cd ransom until you can prise it out of my cold soon-to-be dead hands when you come to perth.

six ways to lose your, erm, gangrenous-limbs-allet. or something.

[capnjimbo]

i swear you told me you were going to be prone to gangrene and amputation. way to try and rock the sympathy vote. i was hoping i could at least score a disabled parking sticker or something out of it (not that i could use it, i just think it'd look cool on a tram

[thomas_thankyou]

jim, i admire your use of the word 'fuck' and variants of.

[capnjimbo]

fuckin' a.

tho, i just tried one of those lj word-count things, and the only variant of 'fuck' that made an appearance was 'fucking' at number 25.
the total of first person singular pronouns, and variants of came in at number 1, beating perennial favourite 'the'. bartending psychology suggests that i only pretend that swearing is big and clever to mask excessive self-obsession.
i suggest that bartending psychology can go fuck itself.

[ohyes]

which art gallery?that is awesome. onions should be put in the freezer for a few seconds before cutting.

[ohyes]

[ohyes]

haha i can't imagine which gallery you mean. whoa jim
scored the big time. if you put onions in the freezer for
a couple of seconds (not too long, because if the onions actually
freeze it ruins them) then you don't cry as much when you
cut them/