[one-shot] half full
[one-shot] half full
hongbin/jaehwan
pg | 1243 w
❝Waking up just brings me down, cause every morning you are nowhere to be found. And my bed is half empty, not half full❞
lovesick fool - the cab {♥}
The crisp, white sheets laid wrinkled on the mattress, drawing out the events of the night before. Jaehwan extended his arm and lingered fingers on the slight warmth that still emitted from the left side of the bed. A quiet breath escaped his mouth as he turned to look at the empty half. Drawing his hand away from the dipped bed, Jaehwan ran his hands through his hair before letting out a small laugh. His laughter was swirled with weary emotions and disappointment towards his lack of self-control. The same pattern would always be repeated, but Jaehwan would accept the way the other treated him, time and time again. As long as he could be something of significance to the other despite how low the standards may be, Jaehwan was open to it. To him, the idea of losing Hongbin was more alarming than being treated in this one-way trade. He could give up anything to the younger male as long as he was reassured that he wouldn't be left alone.
Jaehwan was a doll; something others found too delicate to be touched, but the owner would be reckless with. The doll would stay motionless until its owner would come and pull it off the shelf.
The monotonous lifestyle of Jaehwan would be to wake up with an empty bed, and wait till Hongbin would return. Despite the pleas of his friends to realize what the other was doing to him, Jaehwan would block out their words and continue to wait for Hongbin. Through constantly ignoring the warnings from others, he convinced himself that everyone was trying to deceive him and pull him away from the younger male. Feeling thoroughly aggravated to deal with what others had to say, Jaehwan isolated himself from society and avoided any unwanted contact.
Shaking his head to rid himself from foreign thoughts, Jaehwan pulled the covers over his head and slid back into the mattress. Today would be like any other day; Jaehwan would lay in bed for countless hours before Hongbin would come home and rescue him from solitude. Fiddling with a small strand of string that hung from the sheets, Jaehwan stared at the patterns on the comforter. Counting stripes on the comforter was a habit he picked up a couple of months before while waiting for Hongbin to return. By the time Jaehwan would reach the end of the comforter, his eyes would always slide shut.
Jaehwan awoke to the sound of feet shuffling across the wooden floor. Lifting his torso from the bed, he blinked his eyes a few times to adjust his vision to the dark. Noticing Hongbin's briefcase laid on the desk, a smile spread across Jaehwan's face.
"You came home late tonight," Jaehwan pointed out as he slid out of bed and greeted the other. Hongbin poured a cup of water and took a large gulp before looking at the older male.
"I thought you were sleeping?" he asked, watching Jaehwan loosen the tie from his neck.
"I heard your feet moving, so I woke up," Jaehwan replied, brightly smiling towards the other. Hongbin continued to stare at Jaehwan before he pushed him towards the bed. Throwing his suit jacket off to the side, Hongbin laid next to Jaehwan and gripped onto his waist. The older male positioned himself to climb on top and silently stared into Hongbin's lifeless eyes with his gleaming ones. Jaehwan wrapped his arms around Hongbin's neck as he watched closely at the other's facial expressions. His dark eyes constantly flickered a grey reflection at Jaehwan. Pressing soft lips against Hongbin's dry and rough lips, Jaehwan pulled back and intertwined his hands with the other. Hongbin raised an eyebrow as he sent a silent question towards the older male, eyes still lacking luster.
"Do you have work tomorrow?" Jaehwan gently asked with a smile cracked across his lips. Hongbin pulled himself off Jaehwan before gripping his forehead and letting out an exasperated sigh. Although Jaehwan's question may have seemed simple, Hongbin could hear the implied question behind it.
Would you be there in the morning for me?
"I thought we talked about how you wouldn't ask me that," Hongbin replied, sitting himself upright on the corner of the bed. "But since you're asking, I'll kindly reply this time. My answer will always be that you should get used to me not being here in the morning," he added. Jaehwan slowly nodded his head, feeling guilty for bringing the question up. He craned his neck to try and catch a glimpse of the younger's face. Seeing the stoic expression plastered across his face, Jaehwan instantly looked down at the sheets to swallow the anxiety coming up his throat. As Hongbin stood up from the bed, Jaehwan looked up and fixated his gaze upon the other's eyes. Although Hongbin's facial appearance had no flaws, his dull orbs frustrated Jaehwan. Hongbin's unreadable eyes always left the older male curious as to what his true thoughts were, but there would never be an answer. As Hongbin finished fixing his tie and began to take a step towards the door, Jaehwan's eyesight started to shake. His throat began to constrict and cut off his breath as he watched the other approach the door. Without thinking of the consequences, Jaehwan slipped out of bed and wrapped arms around the other's waist. Hongbin remained silent as he tried to loosen the pair of arms wrapped around his torso.
"It was my fault for asking, please don't be angry," he murmured with his face pressed against Hongbin's neck. To Lee Jaehwan, nothing was more fearful than losing his grip on Hongbin. Everything he owned was traded in for the small amount of interest Hongbin would give to him. Letting out a short sigh, Hongbin removed himself from the older male's embrace and continued walking towards the door. Feeling air escape him again, Jaehwan slid down to the floor as he tried to regain his breath. Hongbin turned to watch as the other suffered on the floor before placing his hand on the doorknob.
"I'm doing this for you. This is the only way I could bring you back to being a human," Hongbin whispered as a thin layer of tears added sheen to his eyes. "I need you to realize that I'm the reason you're deteriorating, but I need you to realize that on your own. If you realize it yourself, you'll be able to leave me on your own," he quietly added. After blinking back tears from falling further down, Hongbin twisted the doorknob and left the house. Jaehwan tried reaching out for the younger male, but he couldn't see anything with his blurry vision. With his shoulders shaking violently, Jaehwan pressed his legs against his chest and placed his head between his knees. As he gasped for air, Jaehwan reassured himself that it would be alright, because Hongbin would return later that night. Hongbin would return and everything would return to normalcy.
Jaehwan was a rose; something that radiated beauty when it bloomed, but lost its life as it continued to remain in the same spot. Jaehwan was once someone who radiated beauty with bright smiles, but as he continued tormenting himself over one thing, every element of his life gradually drained away.