PRODUCT REVIEWS
CIAO KIDS, SINCE I POKED MY FACE IN HERE I FIGURED I MIGHT TRY MAKE MYSELF USEFUL. SAW SOMETHING ONLINE TODAY THAT HAD ME LAUGHING MY A$$ OFF AND MADE ME THINK OF THE WITTY FOLKS OF THIS COMMUNITY. HEARD OF AMAZON SPOOF REVIEWS? IF NOT, CHECK THIS OUT: HTTP://WWW.TELEGRAPH.CO.UK/TECHNOLOGY/NEWS/6189803/AMAZON-HIJACKED-10-FUNNIEST-REVIEW-THREADS.HTML
BUT BEFORE YOU WANT TO SPANK ME FOR MAKING AN IRRELEVANT POST, I AM *MAKING* IT RELEVANT BY ADDING MEDIEVAL AMAZON PRODUCT REVIEWS BY SOME OF OUR NOTTINGHAM FRIENDS (POOR SODS FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE MEDIEVAL TRACK CHANGES FEATURE)...
BIRDCAGE: *****
I ORDERED THE FIRST ITEM FROM THE COZY CAGES (C) RANGE FORTY YEARS AGO, AND HAVE BEEN A CUSTOMER EVER SINCE. THEY LOOK GREAT IN MY INTERIORS, AND ARE BIG ENOUGH SO THE LITTLE BUGGERS LOVELY CREATURES CAN HOP AROUND, BUT SMALL ENOUGH SO I CAN EASILY CATCH THEM IF I PUT MY HAND INSIDE WHEN I GET THE URGE TO STRANGLE CARESS THEM. I ONLY WISH THEY WOULD MAKE GISBORNE- HUMAN- BIGGER-SIZED ONES!
BATH: *
WHAT A WASTE OF STOLEN TAX MONEY FOR A PRODUCT THAT IS ONLY NEEDED ONCE A YEAR! AND WHAT ABOUT THE CLAIMS THAT IT WILL MAKE THE BATHER IRRESISTIBLY ATTRACTIVE TO HOT YOUNG EVIL HENCHMAN LIEUTENANTS OTHERS? I HAD TO JUMP OUT OF THE BATH AND SHAKE MY BOLLOCKS ALL OVER THE PLACE OUTDO MYSELF AT INTELLIGENT DISCOURSE TO FINALLY CATCH SILLY GIZZY’S MY INTERLOCUTOR’S ATTENTION! TAKE MY ADVICE, STAY AWAY FROM THIS USELESS ITEM.
SWORDPROOF VEST: *
YOU MOTHERFUCKING LIARS...
YOU SAY IT WITHSTANDS THE TOUGHEST STEEL...
AND HERE I WAS BELIEVING YOU...
AND TAUNTING AN ANGRY GUY WITH A BIG MOTHERFUCKING SWORD...
FIGURING I'D PRANK HIM...
I WILL HAUNT YOU
FOREVER
I PROMISE!
LEATHER PANTS: *****
BEST FUCK ME ROMANTIC COURTSHIP ACCESSORY EVAH. HAD NEVER ENDING LUSTY LOOKS AND COME-ONS FROM EVERY FEMALE IN NOTTINGHAM AND SOME HOT YOUNG MALES TOO EVER SINCE I PUT THESE ON.
NOTE: BETTER BUY TOGETHER WITH OLD PERVERT REPELLENT SPRAY.
