The Good Old Days
Just another dorky little fic that I wrote for st_xi_kink. Also known as: "The Five Times Jim Kirk Proved He Was From Iowa."
1.
“Don’t you think it’s time you ate a green vegetable?”
“What?” Jim paused with the forkful of potatoes half-way to his mouth.
Bones took the seat across from him in the Officer’s Mess and gestured to his friend’s plate, “I think you’ve had the same dinner for the last three and a half weeks straight.”
Jim blinked, “So?”
“It always consists of either chicken or beef with a side of potatoes.”
“Meat and potatoes are good for you,” Jim said and then shoved the potatoes into his mouth.
Bones just stared at him, “And so are green vegetables. Just because you can get any nutrients you’re missing from vitamin shots doesn’t mean you should, Jim. Anyway, aren’t you tired of eating meat and potatoes for almost a month?”
Jim just shook his head, “Bones, where am I from?”
“Iowa. What does that have to do with anything?”
“This is what I grew up on: meat and potatoes. You’ve got grits and country fried steak in the South and we have meat and potatoes in the Mid-West. It’s what Iowa is known for! Well, that and fried fair foods. Tell me, Bones, you ever had a deep fried Snicker’s Bar?”
“Shut up and eat your potatoes.”
2.
Bones lay curled up in the covers of Jim’s bed while he listened to his best friend and lover chat with his mother. When Bones had met Jim his relationship with Winona had been practically nonexistent, but they had made great strides and now spoke over the com once every couple of weeks. He figured that once Winona had realized that she could have lost her youngest son to the black without ever working through their dirty laundry it had spurred her into contacting Jim.
Jim was leaning back in the chair at the small desk he kept in the bedroom. Bones watched as he sipped from the coffee mug and scratched his chest. Eyes narrowing, Bones realized that Jim was wearing one of his Ole Miss sweatshirts. He couldn’t see the vid screen, but he was sure that Winona Kirk hadn’t noticed that piece of juicy information.
“Is it Spring there yet?” he could hear Jim asking Winona.
“Yes, the advertisements started running on the holo feeds last week.”
What? What did commercials on the holo feeds have to do with the start of Spring in Iowa? He shook his head. Sometimes he really didn’t get Jim. He waited until the conversation had ended and Jim turned off the com station before asking, “What do commercials have to do with Spring?”
Jim turned and smiled at him, “Oh, that? Well, everyone knows it’s finally Spring in Iowa when they start running the herbicide commercials.”
“Commercials, huh? Not changes in the weather or anything like that?” he cocked an eyebrow.
“Naw. It’s definitely the commercials.”
3.
Bones just sighed when Jim got a crate of sweet corn from his mother and wouldn’t let anyone else touch it. Even if it wasn’t a green vegetable, at least he was eating something other than meat and potatoes.
4.
When the away team rematerialized on the surface of the recently colonized planet Talasos I, a pungent odor hit Bones in the face with the force of the ever-popular, metaphorical two-by-four. He and Uhura immediately began coughing and even Spock’s nose wrinkled in distaste. Jim, however, took a big whiff and grinned.
“Hey, I didn’t know they’d imported pigs to Talasos I!”
Bones wiped the moisture from his eyes, “God dammit, how can you stand that stench?!”
Jim just blinked at him, “Our neighbors raised pigs. We even had pigs a time or two growing up.”
“How do you know it’s not cows you’re smelling, Captain?” Uhura’s voice was muffled from the hand she was holding over her nose.”
Jim just shrugged, “Smells different. Come on, let’s get to the rendezvous point. And, seriously, the smell’s not that bad!”
Bones glared, “Not all of us have the benefit of growing up on a farm to help us get accustomed to the smell of pig shit, Jim.”
“Whatever, city boy.”
5.
By this time Bones was aware that his lover was a dyed in the wool, tried and true Iowa farm boy. However, he’d never expected him to be an accomplished horseman. The chance to get to ride some real Terran horses while so far from Earth was a real treat. When Jim had heard that there was a stable on the planet they were visiting for shore leave he had lit up like it was Christmas. Bones wasn’t very experienced with horses, but had let himself be talked into going for a private trail ride with only minimal amounts of grumping.
He was glad he’d let Jim talk him into this.
He’d never known how sexy a pair of low-slung jeans, boots, and a straw cowboy hat could be. But, now that he knew…well, let’s just say that they were keeping the hat.
1.
“Don’t you think it’s time you ate a green vegetable?”
“What?” Jim paused with the forkful of potatoes half-way to his mouth.
Bones took the seat across from him in the Officer’s Mess and gestured to his friend’s plate, “I think you’ve had the same dinner for the last three and a half weeks straight.”
Jim blinked, “So?”
“It always consists of either chicken or beef with a side of potatoes.”
“Meat and potatoes are good for you,” Jim said and then shoved the potatoes into his mouth.
Bones just stared at him, “And so are green vegetables. Just because you can get any nutrients you’re missing from vitamin shots doesn’t mean you should, Jim. Anyway, aren’t you tired of eating meat and potatoes for almost a month?”
Jim just shook his head, “Bones, where am I from?”
“Iowa. What does that have to do with anything?”
“This is what I grew up on: meat and potatoes. You’ve got grits and country fried steak in the South and we have meat and potatoes in the Mid-West. It’s what Iowa is known for! Well, that and fried fair foods. Tell me, Bones, you ever had a deep fried Snicker’s Bar?”
“Shut up and eat your potatoes.”
2.
Bones lay curled up in the covers of Jim’s bed while he listened to his best friend and lover chat with his mother. When Bones had met Jim his relationship with Winona had been practically nonexistent, but they had made great strides and now spoke over the com once every couple of weeks. He figured that once Winona had realized that she could have lost her youngest son to the black without ever working through their dirty laundry it had spurred her into contacting Jim.
Jim was leaning back in the chair at the small desk he kept in the bedroom. Bones watched as he sipped from the coffee mug and scratched his chest. Eyes narrowing, Bones realized that Jim was wearing one of his Ole Miss sweatshirts. He couldn’t see the vid screen, but he was sure that Winona Kirk hadn’t noticed that piece of juicy information.
“Is it Spring there yet?” he could hear Jim asking Winona.
“Yes, the advertisements started running on the holo feeds last week.”
What? What did commercials on the holo feeds have to do with the start of Spring in Iowa? He shook his head. Sometimes he really didn’t get Jim. He waited until the conversation had ended and Jim turned off the com station before asking, “What do commercials have to do with Spring?”
Jim turned and smiled at him, “Oh, that? Well, everyone knows it’s finally Spring in Iowa when they start running the herbicide commercials.”
“Commercials, huh? Not changes in the weather or anything like that?” he cocked an eyebrow.
“Naw. It’s definitely the commercials.”
3.
Bones just sighed when Jim got a crate of sweet corn from his mother and wouldn’t let anyone else touch it. Even if it wasn’t a green vegetable, at least he was eating something other than meat and potatoes.
4.
When the away team rematerialized on the surface of the recently colonized planet Talasos I, a pungent odor hit Bones in the face with the force of the ever-popular, metaphorical two-by-four. He and Uhura immediately began coughing and even Spock’s nose wrinkled in distaste. Jim, however, took a big whiff and grinned.
“Hey, I didn’t know they’d imported pigs to Talasos I!”
Bones wiped the moisture from his eyes, “God dammit, how can you stand that stench?!”
Jim just blinked at him, “Our neighbors raised pigs. We even had pigs a time or two growing up.”
“How do you know it’s not cows you’re smelling, Captain?” Uhura’s voice was muffled from the hand she was holding over her nose.”
Jim just shrugged, “Smells different. Come on, let’s get to the rendezvous point. And, seriously, the smell’s not that bad!”
Bones glared, “Not all of us have the benefit of growing up on a farm to help us get accustomed to the smell of pig shit, Jim.”
“Whatever, city boy.”
5.
By this time Bones was aware that his lover was a dyed in the wool, tried and true Iowa farm boy. However, he’d never expected him to be an accomplished horseman. The chance to get to ride some real Terran horses while so far from Earth was a real treat. When Jim had heard that there was a stable on the planet they were visiting for shore leave he had lit up like it was Christmas. Bones wasn’t very experienced with horses, but had let himself be talked into going for a private trail ride with only minimal amounts of grumping.
He was glad he’d let Jim talk him into this.
He’d never known how sexy a pair of low-slung jeans, boots, and a straw cowboy hat could be. But, now that he knew…well, let’s just say that they were keeping the hat.