Newsflash
Here's a little something I wrote a while ago. I was inspired to post it here after reading Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes and seeing a great production of Twelfth Night last night. Enjoy.
Edit: To save friends pages from getting outlandishly big, I have put this behind a cut.
WATERGATE (or something or other)
ANNOUNCER: We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for an Eyewitness-Action News Special Report.
ANCHOR: Today is July 27, 1974. Good evening. Two years ago, several burglars broke into the Watergate Hotel, the site of the Democratic National Committee's offices. They were found allegedly placing listening devices and going through the Democrats' files. Within days, it was discovered that the burglars had ties to the Republican Party. They apparently were looking for information so that they could gain an upper hand to win the 1972 Presidential election, and thus keep Nixon in White House for four more years. Since then, the specter of Watergate involvement has spread throughout the GOP, even to President Nixon, who initially disavowed any knowledge of the purpose of the break-in. Today the House Judiciary Committee passed an article of impeachment charging the President with obstruction of justice. To help make sense of these events, Eyewitness-Action News presents an Eyewitness-Action News Sock Puppet Recreation.
[Two sock puppets pop up.]
BOB (SOCK PUPPET 1): Well, Carl, here we are in the Watergate Hotel.
CARL (SOCK PUPPET 2): Yes, Bob. We certainly are here.
BOB: Since we are here at the Democratic National Committee's headquarters, shall we photograph the secret documents and adjust the listening devices - or "bugs" in the common lingo - that we planted here a few months ago?
CARL: Yes. Let's.
[They search around for a few seconds.]
[Third sock puppet pops up. This one has a large bushy moustache.]
G. GORDON LIDDY: Hi. I'm G. Gordon Liddy.
CARL: 'Sup, G?
BOB: Ooh. You're not supposed to be here. Although G. Gordon Liddy was heavily involved with the break-ins, he actually was not physically on the premesis at those particular times.
G. GORDON LIDDY: Oh yes, I forgot. I'm sorry.
[G. GORDON LIDDY disappears.]
BOB: Now, let's get down to business.
[They search.]
CARL: Bob?
BOB: Yes, Carl?
CARL: Don't you think that it's odd that the false names we chose for our burglary are the same names as the two Washington Post reporters who will report the break-in and our connection to the President?
BOB: Why yes, Carl, that is certainly an amazing coincidence. Who could have predicted such a thing?
CARL: Life is certainly full of surprises.
[They search for a few seconds. CARL sings "Jingle Bells" softly.]
CARL: [Singing softly while searching] Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride a one horse open sleigh. . . [Continues humming]
BOB: [Finding something] Ah, this wiretap. [CARL is taken from his reverie. BOB looks at the wiretap.] Shall we adjust it?
CARL: Yes. Let's.
[They fiddle with the object.]
[Enter GLOVE riding the HORSE.]
GLOVE: Halt, eh? Royal Canadian Mounted Police, eh? Who goes there?
CARL: Just Carl and Bob, two burglars sent by the Republican Reelection committee. . .
BOB: [Interrupting] Yes, um, we heard that the Republican committee had sent some burglars to. . .
CARL: [Interrupting] Yeah! We were sent to steal information to wreck George McGovern's chances at getting elected. . .
BOB: [Interrupting] Because you know those nutty Republicans, [Nervous laugh] heh heh heh, they always are trying to get their candidates into office.
CARL: Yeah! And we are here just checking the bugs to see if they are working properly. . .
BOB: So that we [Jabs CARL] can, um, track, the uh, uh, movements, um, of the burglars, so that um. . .
GLOVE: You're wearing masks, eh?
CARL: Always safety first!
GLOVE: You know, I think that you guys might actually be the burglars, eh?
BOB & CARL: [Stammering and looking around] Well, um, uh, you see. . . [etc.]
CARL: [Looks away] Hey! Look! It's Eric Clapton!
[Fourth sock puppet pops up. Attached to its front is a guitar.]
[BOB, GLOVE and HORSE swivel to look at ERIC CLAPTON]
ERIC CLAPTON: [Singing] I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy. . .
[BOB, CARL, GLOVE and HORSE groove to the music for a little while.]
ANCHOR: Thank you Eyewitness-Action News Sock Puppet Recreation. For further information, please see the eleven o'clock news tonight for a more in-depth report. [Listens at earpiece for a moment]. This just in. A band of Monkees has just escaped from the zoo. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Edit: To save friends pages from getting outlandishly big, I have put this behind a cut.
WATERGATE (or something or other)
ANNOUNCER: We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for an Eyewitness-Action News Special Report.
ANCHOR: Today is July 27, 1974. Good evening. Two years ago, several burglars broke into the Watergate Hotel, the site of the Democratic National Committee's offices. They were found allegedly placing listening devices and going through the Democrats' files. Within days, it was discovered that the burglars had ties to the Republican Party. They apparently were looking for information so that they could gain an upper hand to win the 1972 Presidential election, and thus keep Nixon in White House for four more years. Since then, the specter of Watergate involvement has spread throughout the GOP, even to President Nixon, who initially disavowed any knowledge of the purpose of the break-in. Today the House Judiciary Committee passed an article of impeachment charging the President with obstruction of justice. To help make sense of these events, Eyewitness-Action News presents an Eyewitness-Action News Sock Puppet Recreation.
[Two sock puppets pop up.]
BOB (SOCK PUPPET 1): Well, Carl, here we are in the Watergate Hotel.
CARL (SOCK PUPPET 2): Yes, Bob. We certainly are here.
BOB: Since we are here at the Democratic National Committee's headquarters, shall we photograph the secret documents and adjust the listening devices - or "bugs" in the common lingo - that we planted here a few months ago?
CARL: Yes. Let's.
[They search around for a few seconds.]
[Third sock puppet pops up. This one has a large bushy moustache.]
G. GORDON LIDDY: Hi. I'm G. Gordon Liddy.
CARL: 'Sup, G?
BOB: Ooh. You're not supposed to be here. Although G. Gordon Liddy was heavily involved with the break-ins, he actually was not physically on the premesis at those particular times.
G. GORDON LIDDY: Oh yes, I forgot. I'm sorry.
[G. GORDON LIDDY disappears.]
BOB: Now, let's get down to business.
[They search.]
CARL: Bob?
BOB: Yes, Carl?
CARL: Don't you think that it's odd that the false names we chose for our burglary are the same names as the two Washington Post reporters who will report the break-in and our connection to the President?
BOB: Why yes, Carl, that is certainly an amazing coincidence. Who could have predicted such a thing?
CARL: Life is certainly full of surprises.
[They search for a few seconds. CARL sings "Jingle Bells" softly.]
CARL: [Singing softly while searching] Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride a one horse open sleigh. . . [Continues humming]
BOB: [Finding something] Ah, this wiretap. [CARL is taken from his reverie. BOB looks at the wiretap.] Shall we adjust it?
CARL: Yes. Let's.
[They fiddle with the object.]
[Enter GLOVE riding the HORSE.]
GLOVE: Halt, eh? Royal Canadian Mounted Police, eh? Who goes there?
CARL: Just Carl and Bob, two burglars sent by the Republican Reelection committee. . .
BOB: [Interrupting] Yes, um, we heard that the Republican committee had sent some burglars to. . .
CARL: [Interrupting] Yeah! We were sent to steal information to wreck George McGovern's chances at getting elected. . .
BOB: [Interrupting] Because you know those nutty Republicans, [Nervous laugh] heh heh heh, they always are trying to get their candidates into office.
CARL: Yeah! And we are here just checking the bugs to see if they are working properly. . .
BOB: So that we [Jabs CARL] can, um, track, the uh, uh, movements, um, of the burglars, so that um. . .
GLOVE: You're wearing masks, eh?
CARL: Always safety first!
GLOVE: You know, I think that you guys might actually be the burglars, eh?
BOB & CARL: [Stammering and looking around] Well, um, uh, you see. . . [etc.]
CARL: [Looks away] Hey! Look! It's Eric Clapton!
[Fourth sock puppet pops up. Attached to its front is a guitar.]
[BOB, GLOVE and HORSE swivel to look at ERIC CLAPTON]
ERIC CLAPTON: [Singing] I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy. . .
[BOB, CARL, GLOVE and HORSE groove to the music for a little while.]
ANCHOR: Thank you Eyewitness-Action News Sock Puppet Recreation. For further information, please see the eleven o'clock news tonight for a more in-depth report. [Listens at earpiece for a moment]. This just in. A band of Monkees has just escaped from the zoo. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.