Stamina 4
Stamina
Chapter 4- Solace
Callie/Arizona
NC-17
Standard Disclaimer: Don't own, Don't profit
Sequel to "Closer to Desperation" and several others, all located at my journal. This portion is set six months after the end of "Closer to Desperation"
Thanks to livelovelearneg
Arizona-----
“Clear!” Her body reacts, jolting up from the bed. A single wailing note fills the room. Nothing. My hands return to her chest, desperately attempting to pump blood through her veins. “Clear!” My hands fly to the air, in an ironic gesture of surrender. Her limp form stiffens again. The siren wails on, extending into the silence as the single green line falls horizontal and trails off the small monitor. Nothing.
I stand concrete, stunned into immobility. I refuse to believe this is real. My eyes obsessively watch that line, waiting, hoping, irrationally praying for a blip. A gloved hand reaches up and silences the machine before shutting off the screen. “Time of death…” A single voice breaks through the crushing silence.
I feel my hand clench into a fist. “NO!” It raises above me and comes pounding down onto her chest. “Please!” I try again, flailing hopelessly for a response from the corpse laying in front of me. “You can’t do this!” I scream. I want to cry, but I’m not allowed to. I won’t allow myself to break down. Not here, not now, not without her. I pound again. A strong set of hands wraps around my shoulders and pulls me away from her lifeless form. Her dress torn to ribbons, her long black hair thick with blood.
I fight against the hands detaining me, I can’t let her go yet. They hold tighter and pull harder, leading me out the door. “Not here. You can’t do this here.” Mark’s voice is low and gentle. My mind goes numb and my body follows soon after. I don’t see the path he leads me down, I don’t register the first tear that falls, or the many that come right after it. He removes my bloody gloves and trauma gown with a sensitivity I would never have guessed he had. Then he holds me. Folds his arms around my limp body and holds me.
My silent tears bleed through his scrub top as he gently smoothes my hair. The strength in his arms and the depth of his voice as he tries soothing me work surprisingly well. I’ve only really been comfortable with Mark when we’ve been with her. Somehow I think I’m helping him just as much by being here, by shedding the tears that his pride and exhaustion refuse to allow. My tears flow freely but I contain the broken sobs building in my chest. I don’t deserve to break down like that, I have no right to lose all control. My tears are hardly earned, but I can’t fight it all. It‘s my fault, I could‘ve saved her, I should‘ve saved her…But I didn’t. I tried so hard, but failed. It's my fault.
I lose time until the room eventually begins to come into focus. A blue couch, a coffee table, a grey armchair, a large window across from us. Past the glass the sun rises through the rain. Heavy, ominous clouds dominate the sky, unleashing their anger in relentless sheets of rain, the sun hardly able to penetrate to light the city.
I sniff and wipe away the last of the tears. “Say it.” My voice is weak from holding back the sobs that begged to escape for however long we had been here. His chin rests lightly on top of my head, I feel him shake back and forth. “Please Mark.”
His heavy sigh wafts through my tousled hair. “She’s gone,” He whispers. “She’s gone.”
Gone. The word lingers in the air around us. Slowly sinking into every pour and fiber of my being. Gone. Forever placed into the past tense. Gone.
I rise slowly from his lap. He stands with me and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. For the first time we meet each other’s gaze. His eyes are tired, dark circles under each. I can’t even imagine the condition I’m in. As if suddenly in tune with one another, we smile and nod, trying to replace the calm façade that, as doctors, we’ve come to perfect.
“We have to go find them,” He says, speaking my thoughts for me. “They need to know.” I solemnly nod as he places his arm loosely around my shoulders and leads me out into the hall. We head off together, in search of two people who are about to have their world’s shattered by the loss of the woman they love the most.