The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
What follows is a fairly accurate description of the various forms of political philosophy in vogue these days. Enjoy!
DEMOCRATIC COWS
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN COWS
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST COWS
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST COWS
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in long lines for hours and hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
You build a herd of cows and start an empire in the MILK business.
Life is good.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the
other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised
when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating
you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded
trains. They also are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of paid vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for a long lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You think you have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and think you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and think you have 42 cows.
The Secret Police show up and take over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to
milk production, but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send you radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and hospitalized
while attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish
cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the
Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies
happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking cow.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best, vote for the black
one by mistake.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is
the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.