conservative tendencies (sehun/suho)

[seafogs]

title: conservative tendencies
pairing: sehun/junmyeon
rating: nc-17
warnings: sexual content, drug use, infidelity
summary: every 'goodbye' that escapes his lips leaves him colder inside.
author's note: my fic in participation with fortexo round 1.

“Well aren’t you a nice young man,” an old woman tells Sehun. The two of them are seated beside one another in an airport’s waiting area.

Sehun had just bought the old woman a cup of tea after he’s noticed her hands have been desperately seeking heat from her surroundings. The two of them, as well as a couple others have found themselves stranded after a snowstorm had halted all forms of transportation from departing the area due to low visibility.

“You know,” the old woman’s hands are trembling as she holds cup of tea. “There’s something comforting with getting stranded in an airport.” She says, after which she takes a small sip from the cup, the liquid warming up her frail body.

The young man beside him has half the mind to ask her what she means, but then at the same time it allows him to contemplate on how that affects him and his current situation.

“It’d be so much better with a loved one,” she says, as a proper closure. It makes Sehun understand what her situation might be, all the more.

Sehun looks over to the old woman; her actions are tentative and slow. The wrinkles on her arms and fingers remind him how age has certainly caught up with her body.

The young man beside him has half the mind to ask her what she means, but then at the same time it allows him to contemplate on how that affects him and his current situation.

“It’d be so much better with a loved one,” she says, as a proper closure. It makes Sehun understand what her situation might be, all the more.

Sehun looks over to the old woman; her actions are tentative and slow. The wrinkles on her arms and fingers remind him how age has certainly caught up with her body. He fumbles with his wallet at the back of his jeans, and offers her a picture, “He and I have been together for years,” he says, clasping his wallet shut with a soft pop.

The old woman squints significantly, shifting the photo closer towards her line of vision. “He’s beautiful,” she replies, handing back the photo to Sehun. “You’re so lucky to have someone like him.” Sehun nods slightly. At the same time, he begins to imagine how Junmyeon would react upon meeting this old woman sitting beside him. The latter has a soft spot for the elderly so it’s no doubt that he’ll easily fall within his comfort zone.

Sehun clearly remembers the first time he laid eyes on Junmyeon. It was a few weeks after he got used to the surroundings of his local daycare center.

A young boy distantly seated from him plays alone. He visibly noticed how the boy of the same age remains quiet, as if he’s so used to playing alone that he doesn’t even find the need to seek attention from anyone else.

Yet, somehow, he’s caught Sehun’s eye. It was also the first time the others noticed Sehun and Junmyeon talking, not to each other, however.

“Why are you alone?” Sehun inquisitively asked. He sat down in front of Junmyeon’s direct line of vision to capture his attention immediately. “Don’t you get sad when you don’t have anyone else to play with?”

Junmyeon stared blankly at Sehun in response. For a moment Sehun was afraid he might have been too blunt in his choice of words. However, Junmyeon’s bubbly laughter soon earns Sehun one of the toys the other boy has been playing with - and a new friend.

Growing up and attending the same school as Junmyeon wasn’t as easy as a walk in the park for Sehun.

Day after day, the moment his parents have asked the young boy how his day was - they’d never hear the end of it. Stories that range from ‘Junmyeon lost a game of bet with one of the seniors - Kyuhyun, today. It was hilarious. I can’t wait to see him be in one of those bodycon dresses with matching fishnet stockings’ to ‘Junmyeon and I got in a bit of a misunderstanding today; I hope it doesn’t last long’.

It ends up not lasting more than a day, to his relief. It always never lasts long; he knows Junmyeon’s the type who never holds grudges against anyone - although that doesn’t necessarily make him a pushover.

To him, Junmyeon’s that one friend his parents would always remember - mainly because he’s all the boy’s ever talked about. As time passed, the sooner Sehun and his family have come to accept Junmyeon into their loving arms; treating the two young boys more as brothers than just mere friends.

Goodbye was never an easy word for Sehun to say. He always finds himself helplessly choking on his words and tears the minute he tries forcing it out of his system. It doesn’t leave butterflies in his stomach; more like bad dinner waiting to be thrown out.

In the past, he was never good at saying it in front of his parents. In fact, they’ve always mistook his son for insensitive and callous. In reality, he just never had the courage to voice out his emotions. His feelings on farewells and separation have long been kept in a bottle, waiting to burst out.

All the same, Sehun found himself very uncomfortable when he couldn’t bear to say the very words to Junmyeon.

The night came when Junmyeon was due to leave for Vancouver. He wished Sehun could see him off at the boarding gates before leaving. He did not imagine, however, the lack of Sehun’s presence beside him. It eventually prompted Junmyeon to asking several questions upon boarding the plane.

As the plane gradually began its descent into Vancouver, the thoughts that he brought with him fleeted just as they came. The thought of a new beginning in another country felt like the ocean’s seas washing away the impurities in the sand.

He remembers staying out on the front porch with him. They were children; they talked as children did, laughed as children did, imagined as children did.

A bonfire. Junmyeon has always said he’s never seen one in real life. He’s only seen them on television; large groups of people convene together over a bonfire to celebrate for an important cause.

“No reason to celebrate.” Sehun chides in. The two of them are lying on damp grass, their hands resting behind their heads as they stare at the empty night sky above them. Neither are unsure of what they’re looking at - but the lack of focus has them clearing their minds anyways.

“Us.” Junmyeon replies, looking over at Sehun’s cheeks as he takes the other boy’s hand in his. It hasn’t taken Sehun long to get used to Junmyeon’s tendency to get physical. He frequently reminds himself that they’re just friends - really good ones, to be exact. “Isn’t this something worth celebrating?”

The two exchanged letters back and forth without fail: Junmyeon telling Sehun all about his time adjusting to life in the Pacific Northwest, and Sehun having to get used to life without Junmyeon beside him.

Frankly, it didn’t surprise Sehun when he realized his parents were actually worried about his well-being, for once.

“Ever since Junmyeon left for Vancouver, you’ve been keeping to yourself more often.” It was a line often said at the dinner table. Sehun could only shrug in reply.

The only thought that seemed to have consoled Sehun was how time moved faster when he focused on other things. His studies kept his thoughts away from longing for Junmyeon - at least until the letters came in and he found himself starting over again.

“Life here in Vancouver would be so much better if you were around.” One of Junmyeon’s letters said.

‘Only for a year,’ Sehun says to himself. Junmyeon always comes home at least once every year.

Summer and Winter Break. Junmyeon made it a habit to come home and visit Sehun at least during one of these two.

But, at every given moment that Sehun gets to spend his time with Junmyeon; he knows it’s always running out.

Junmyeon sticks around for two months, at the most. He gives himself a few days to catch up with former colleagues and close relatives, and the rest is for him and Sehun.

They happen to reunite in shared spaces where most of their memories are usually made. Hole-in-the-wall coffee shops, midnight strolls in a distant park, or even Sehun’s house.

As if by routine, it always starts out at the front porch. Junmyeon retells Sehun the good times he’s had with his colleagues Luhan and Jongdae. “Luhan’s part the Engineering Faculty, and Jongdae’s in Fine Arts. Frankly, I never would have thought I’d get along with them so well despite all three of us having full schedules all the time.” Junmyeon says, he sighs at the end knowing this is a break he really deserves.

Sehun only hums in acknowledgement. He, too, has a fair share of friends in university, as well. There’s Minseok, the Senior Student Body President who had taken it upon himself to show Sehun around the campus during the first day. He had gone from hums and nods to actually talking to Minseok until the two of them became good friends. (As much as possible, he tries not to think about Minseok leaving him once he graduates - even though it’s really inevitable.)

And then there’s Jongin, a guy of the same age as Sehun. They met in one of Sehun’s core classes - Ethics - when they had to choose partners for a small project. Needless to say, the two of them barely made it through the required readings for the project but still managed to pass, nonetheless.

“Would you mind if I stayed over for the night?” Junmyeon asks. It makes Sehun stare at him for a good few seconds

“You never stay at my place overnight,” Sehun replies, deadpan. “Even if we finish as late as four in the morning, you force yourself to get a cab home.”

“I want this to be different.”

“What are you talking about?” Sehun asks both confused and yet his curiosity has him interested. Junmyeon pulls Sehun to his feet, grabbing him by his thin wrist and insistently pushes Sehun into his house.

Junmyeon’s been to Sehun’s place several times, knowing every nook and cranny like the back of his own hand. He continues to push Sehun through the living room until the two of them reach the kitchen. It was only a matter of time until Sehun manages to pull himself away from Junmyeon’s grasp, “What are you doing?!” Sehun asks, distraught and obviously disturbed by Junmyeon’s peculiar actions.

The other says nothing in reply, and the moment Sehun’s about to say something else, Junmyeon silences him with a kiss on his lips. Sehun has never thought about the feel of Junmyeon’s lips on his (alright, maybe once or twice). He’s never particularly thought about how soft they were, most especially when they’re kissing his own lips.

Their kiss in particular is chaste; almost as if Junmyeon wanted to try this for kicks and nothing else. Sehun can practically hear his heart thumping at his eardrums it’s almost preventing him from moving a muscle.

The minute Junmyeon pulls away, Sehun stares at him blankly. They’re standing in the middle of the kitchen when Sehun says, “We can’t be too noisy,” and points at the ceiling above them where his parents’ room is located.

Junmyeon urges Sehun towards the counter where he leans on the other boy’s shirt and laughs softly, sending vibrations along his chest, down to his lower regions. “Is that a challenge?” he says, looking up at Sehun.

Sehun continues to stare blankly at Junmyeon, all while his hands are unconsciously gripping the marbled corners of the countertop, making his knuckles turn white in the process. His mind is at a disarray at not knowing what Junmyeon’s going to do next.

If Sehun had to contemplate on his relationship with Junmyeon since their childhood, he’d honestly admit that he’s never witnessed him being rude to anyone else. That is to say, he always had a tendency to stay quiet when things weren’t at their best. He’d always stay calm no matter what the circumstance, and Sehun would always be the one who would stand up and do the talking in his stead - almost as if he were Junmyeon’s spokesperson.

The way Junmyeon’s acting right now, though, has Sehun puzzled and most certainly appalled at how he’s managed to turn himself around, after all these years.

As much as Sehun would like to question his actions - now doesn’t seem to be a really good time to do so.

Sehun loses his line of concentration just as he feels Junmyeon biting roughly on that one spot near his collarbones. The grip Sehun has on the countertop nearly causes him to slip in the process. He certainly wasn’t prepared at all, and his body seemed to show that the most.

Junmyeon licks at the very spot where his teeth had been previously latched onto, causing Sehun to moan softly at how marvelous Junmyeon can be with the use of his tongue.

They casually continue the foreplay, all while Junmyeon has his mind set on removing every piece of Sehun’s clothing and leaving them in the kitchen. As soon as Sehun has been relieved of his button-down shirt, Junmyeon leaves a soft trail of kisses down his sternum and stomach. Surely by this time, Junmyeon’s more than aware Sehun is close to being a solid mess from what he’s doing to him.

“Junmyeon-ah,” Sehun finally manages to say after minutes of feeling like he’s lost his will to speak. He feels his lower limbs slowly losing their strength the more Junmyeon continues with his teasing and all. Sehun’s so close to kneeling on the floor but then he feels Junmyeon’s arms wrapped around his waist and it’s preventing him from moving any further.

Junmyeon looks up, surprised to see Sehun with glassy eyes and moist lips. He takes a little bit of his time pulling down Sehun’s jeans, as much as he wants to hide his obvious struggle at the tight fit. The wet spot that’s been long formed along Sehun’s boxers makes Junmyeon smile while he’s pulling them down.

Sehun wills himself not to moan so loudly when he feels Junmyeon’s mouth all over his cock. Honestly speaking, he’s never heard anything about Junmyeon’s sexual escapades. Then again, the fact that Sehun’s experiencing it first-hand gets him hard as soon as the images fill his head.

Junmyeon flicks his tongue at the slit of Sehun’s cock and it sends the boy beneath him whimpering. The pooling feeling at Sehun’s gut almost has him coming into Junmyeon’s mouth until the latter pulls away with a pop.

“God, you look so beautiful when you’re a mess,” Junmyeon whispers, his lips are ghosting along Sehun’s earlobe when his hands are busy taking off his own pants. He positions his cock on Sehun’s hole, all while the boy beneath him becomes eager enough to take Junmyeon’s cock in his own hand and inserts it in for him, nice and slow.

Sehun hisses as Junmyeon takes his time with his entrance, his back arching against the marble counter. “So tight,” he says in between grunts and moans. The girth of Junmyeon’s cock is all too new for him to experience.

It takes a couple of minutes for Junmyeon to settle himself inside Sehun. He realizes that from the lack of lubrication, things will be all too painful for Sehun to bear - especially for his first time.

Junmyeon wipes the beads of sweat that run along Sehun’s forehead down to the small of his back, all while whispering apologies on his pale skin.

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon says to Sehun’s stomach. He gives another apology to his collarbones, and also to that one spot along Sehun’s chest where he can feel his heartbeat the most.

The first time Junmyeon thrusts inside Sehun, the latter thinks his skin is being set on fire. His senses have become extremely sensitive like never before as he imagines a thousand needles prickling his skin but they’re not letting him bleed it out.

When Sehun has found himself acclimated to the sensation, Junmyeon picks up speed without any prior warning. Every thrust has Sehun moaning louder each time. By now, he’s forgotten about asking Junmyeon to tone it down, because he himself is being the noisier one here.

As soon as Junmyeon finds that one spot that gets Sehun clawing away at Junmyeon’s clothed back, the latter unconsciously finds himself gyrating his hips down just so the pooling feeling at his gut is slowly ebbing away. The effect is merely temporary though as soon as Junmyeon’s thrusts turn erratic and cause him to release himself inside Sehun immediately. Sehun follows a while later, his release spilling out mostly around his stomach and some on Junmyeon’s shirt.

When Junmyeon leaves for Vancouver, he still doesn’t get a proper goodbye from the younger man. He doesn’t even have to ask; he only questions whether Sehun’s intentions are genuine and not fabricated.

But Sehun has other plans; plans that Junmyeon will never hear of for as long as they’re together.

The six months that leaves Sehun patiently waiting eventually gets his impulses itching for a treat; a different kind of high that will help him relieve his mind of the pain of having to wait that long.

So he leaves home hoping to find what he wants - only to get it from a very unsuspecting guy named Kyungsoo.

The two meet up at a small restaurant in an abandoned alley. Kyungsoo treats Sehun to dinner, not knowing the latter had already eaten before setting off on his own.

“Is this how you normally deal with your customers?” Sehun asks in between spoonfuls of his meal. Kyungsoo smiles and somehow Sehun can’t seem to understand how this young boy can deal drugs on his own without having to fear for his life.

“Most of my customers end up being really good friends of mine; you should consider it sometime.” Moments later, Kyungsoo finishes his meal way ahead of Sehun and unceremoniously gets ready to leave,

As the young man walks out the doorway, he swiftly slips a small pillbox inside Sehun’s winter coat, one that Sehun fails to notice until he locks himself in his room - safely tucked away from his parents and anyone else who might not condone his actions.

Five puffs. That’s the limit he sets himself. For the first time in months, Sehun manages to falls asleep without any hassle.

Ever since then, he clings to it just to feel the high every now and then.

What Sehun doesn’t know won’t kill him, Junmyeon thinks.

Junmyeon finds himself sharing a bed with Jongdae when the former belatedly realizes what he’s doing. His reluctance eventually gets him shoved down on his stomach and the Fine Arts student leaving a trail of sloppy kisses on Junmyeon’s bare chest.

“Are you thinking about that kid you like back home?” Jongdae whispers in Junmyeon’s ear, all while licking a stripe back down to his collarbones.

The whimper that Jongdae gets in reply gets him laughing. “You’re horrible.”

“Stay with me, Junmyeon.”

On the day Sehun dedicates a bonfire for Junmyeon, it happens when he isn’t there to witness the grandeur of it for himself.

There’s always a cause. However, his cause is nothing to celebrate about.

He stands in the middle of an empty field carrying a small box. The wind is freezing his ears, but the warmth of the large flame will soon soothe it.

Sehun spreads the contents of the box around the large pile of wood that stands as the foundation of the bonfire. As he throws the empty box atop the pile, he holds the remaining content in his hands.

An old photo of the two of them. There’s no timestamp written, but the dog-eared edges and yellowed discolouration tells of its age instead.

The pale grey sky that hovers above the empty field gives him a small amount of light to clearly see the photo. He doesn’t remember the day it’s been taken. He feels helpless knowing all of the moments they’ve shared with one another, only to be forgotten in the arms of a distant land.

His fingers lightly trace along the two of them. It’s almost as if he can reach for those forgotten memories. It’s too late, however. There was a time when he could take them all back, but that opportunity has been relieved from him long ago.

Igniting the pile of leaves beneath the wood to start the fire, the flames spread around the wooden logs until it slowly consumes the paraphernalia Sehun previously threw around it. Altogether, he slowly drops the photo so that it lands among the leaves and the logs.

Gazing at the flames intensely, he likens the burned remnants of the photos to their past that’s slowly being taken away by the wind - his bitter past that spans his childhood until he became an adult.

The bonfire comes to life just as Sehun begins to walk away from it.

Nobody else needs to know.

Several hours later, Sehun wakes up from a nap that gets his neck aching, only to hear an announcement saying the worst of the snowstorm had already subsided and flights will be rescheduled in a while.

It takes a few moments for the old woman beside Sehun to wake up and get acquainted with her surroundings.

“What happened? Is everything alright?”

Sehun takes her by the hand; covered in wrinkles yet it leaves a familiar feeling that gives a slight chill on his spine. It almost makes him think of an old swimmer getting reacquainted with the familiar embrace of the sea’s waves after years of avoiding the treacherous waters.

“It’s alright; they just announced that we can fly out in a while. The storm’s over,” Sehun says, laying his free hand on top of the old woman’s. His hands are taking in all the warmth that he can like a young child would to keep an insect alive within his palms.

The old woman shivers visibly and releases a breath she didn’t know she had been holding onto for quite some time. “What a relief, at least we all got a chance to rest here - albeit the uncomfortable situation.”

A flight number is called out on the speakerbox as the old woman collects her things and slowly gets up to leave. “That’s my plane, son. I’m glad to have known you even for a short time; your story truly kept me interested until the end.”

As the old woman was about to walk away from the waiting area, Sehun runs after her and hands her the last remaining photo of Junmyeon that he has in his wallet. “He was the only one; now he’s gone,” he says dismissively.

Sehun walks away before the old woman even gets a chance to say something.