I have German skillz. Or as they say, Deutschesprachewiederstandskraefte. :)
A more natural and less literal translation would be:
Autumn Day
Lord, it's time. The summer was enormous. Lay your shadow on the sundials, and release the winds upon the fields.
Bid the last fruits to ripen, give them another two southerly days. force them to ripeness and chase the last sweetness into the heavy wine.
Whoever lacks a house will not build one now. Whoever is alone will stay that way for a good while, Will wake, read, will write long letters, and will roam back and forth in the alleys, as the leaves blow in the wind.
(translation Wolfgang Baur 2005)
I've taken at least two liberties, but poetry is always a bitch to translate. I'd be happy to discuss in more detail by email.
From your translation, I gather that there was no real reason for Kinnell to say "so immense" instead of "immense," or to say "another two more southerly days," instead of "two more southerly days," or "another two southerly days."
And yeah, I'd love to talk more about about how you did what you did and why. E-mail coming soon.
I think I like "the summer was too long" best for that line, and the colon after "Lord" seems important to me. There are three translations for the poem here: http://plagiarist.com/poetry/3222/
I like the Gass the best as poetry, but it's not perfect. I can't judge the quality of translation except through triangulation and word by painful word examination.
It's a great lonely poem, even imperfectly reflected.
Looking at that, I think I can see the strengths of the Kinnell translation.
I'm with you on the Gass being a strong one, though I'm not sure how I feel about the way he reaches for the rhymes in the first two stanzas. His third stanza is killer, IMO.
I was going to take this Rilke back to the bookstore and exchange it for the Mitchell, but I think I like the Mitchell even less, at least for this poem. Blarg. I should learn to read German, I suppose. Either that, or I should beg the_monkey_king to translate all the other poems for me. ;)
Comments 5
A more natural and less literal translation would be:
Autumn Day
Lord, it's time. The summer was enormous.
Lay your shadow on the sundials,
and release the winds upon the fields.
Bid the last fruits to ripen,
give them another two southerly days.
force them to ripeness and chase
the last sweetness into the heavy wine.
Whoever lacks a house will not build one now.
Whoever is alone will stay that way for a good while,
Will wake, read, will write long letters,
and will roam back and forth in the alleys,
as the leaves blow in the wind.
(translation Wolfgang Baur 2005)
I've taken at least two liberties, but poetry is always a bitch to translate. I'd be happy to discuss in more detail by email.
Reply
Thank you!
Wolf -- 1
Galway Kinnell -- Zilch
From your translation, I gather that there was no real reason for Kinnell to say "so immense" instead of "immense," or to say "another two more southerly days," instead of "two more southerly days," or "another two southerly days."
And yeah, I'd love to talk more about about how you did what you did and why. E-mail coming soon.
Reply
Reply
I like the Gass the best as poetry, but it's not perfect. I can't judge the quality of translation except through triangulation and word by painful word examination.
It's a great lonely poem, even imperfectly reflected.
Reply
Looking at that, I think I can see the strengths of the Kinnell translation.
I'm with you on the Gass being a strong one, though I'm not sure how I feel about the way he reaches for the rhymes in the first two stanzas. His third stanza is killer, IMO.
I was going to take this Rilke back to the bookstore and exchange it for the Mitchell, but I think I like the Mitchell even less, at least for this poem. Blarg. I should learn to read German, I suppose. Either that, or I should beg the_monkey_king to translate all the other poems for me. ;)
Reply
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