Drabbles
Happy Birthday hon. Warning for NSFW link.
-
"No no." The man in the ponytail leaned against the fence, eyeing the creature the other had pointed out. "It'll light all the couches on fire, and then what about the wine?"
"I suppose." The older man shrugged, flicking ash off the end of his cigarette. "But aren't you being a bit picky?"
"You think so?"
"Oh yes."
"And what about you? I seem to recall you rejecting the sea monster. I thought it was perfect. Very cute, a lot of potential."
The man in the top hat raised an eyebrow. "If you insist, I'm not going to stop you. But you get to be the one to bring it home."
The younger fellow grimaced, turning from the fence and walking along silently. The other joined him. "Don't suppose we could put a collar on a cheating boy and pass him off as a puppy, do you?" The younger said finally.
The older Tyki gave the idea some thought. "It's not without its good points." He conceded. "But there is the problem of finding the right kind of cheating boy. Have you seen any lately?"
"No." The man sighed. "Damn." He looked at the sun--an unreliable measure of time in this place, but it did seem like they were slowly running out of time. It wasn't as if either of them had intended to miss Road's birthday. And really, they had brought her presents and sweets to make up for it, but such tribute wasn't enough to soothe her. The errand of finding her a pet seemed, somehow, a lot harder than it had appeared when she'd demanded it. "You don't suppose an actual puppy would go over well, do you?"
The two shared a look, contemplating Road's reaction to such a mundane pet.
"Maybe a big fluffy white one, like Cyril got her?" The younger man continued, a little desperate.
"As long as you take full credit for the idea." The older shrugged.
"Coward."
"Do say that again. It has a certain ring in it, coming from a man afraid of his own niece."
"I'm not afraid of her." Sulked the younger one.
"No of course not. Merely the look she'll give you, and perhaps the judicious application of her elbows."
"You're the one who rejected the skeletal unicorn and the dragon."
"And you decided against the monkeypony and the knife-wielding doll. Besides, you do know whose room adjoins hers."
"Man up. So what if she wants to keep a monster or two in your room? You could use the company."
"I'll remember that when--"
The two men stopped in their tracks, looking at the creature before them.
"What is that?" The younger asked, finally.
"I was hoping you knew."
It made a squawking honk, opening a thin, teeth-lined maw and hissed at them, spitting with all three of its long, snakelike tongues. The ratlike tail wagged fiercely. It was also about the size of a cat.
"It's small." The long-haired man commented.
"Easily portable."
"Doesn't look like it'll light anything on fire either."
"It's absolutely hideous."
"Yes."
The two men looked at each other again, and the older grinned. "You get to find the leash and collar for it. I suggest something pink, with gemstones."
"Fine, but you get to carry it."
"If I must."
---
Six months later.
"I blame you."
"I distinctly recall this being your idea." The two men sat on the older Tyki's couch, surveying the wreckage of the wine cellar around them as Road's pet monstrosity loomed nearby, giant pink collar a garish contrast to its grey skin.
"Next time you feel like skipping Road's birthday, don't drag me into it."
"What, that was your fault!" A crash accompanied the protest, and the two looked at the creature demolishing the last of the wine racks.
"...Cigarette?"
"Please."
-
"No no." The man in the ponytail leaned against the fence, eyeing the creature the other had pointed out. "It'll light all the couches on fire, and then what about the wine?"
"I suppose." The older man shrugged, flicking ash off the end of his cigarette. "But aren't you being a bit picky?"
"You think so?"
"Oh yes."
"And what about you? I seem to recall you rejecting the sea monster. I thought it was perfect. Very cute, a lot of potential."
The man in the top hat raised an eyebrow. "If you insist, I'm not going to stop you. But you get to be the one to bring it home."
The younger fellow grimaced, turning from the fence and walking along silently. The other joined him. "Don't suppose we could put a collar on a cheating boy and pass him off as a puppy, do you?" The younger said finally.
The older Tyki gave the idea some thought. "It's not without its good points." He conceded. "But there is the problem of finding the right kind of cheating boy. Have you seen any lately?"
"No." The man sighed. "Damn." He looked at the sun--an unreliable measure of time in this place, but it did seem like they were slowly running out of time. It wasn't as if either of them had intended to miss Road's birthday. And really, they had brought her presents and sweets to make up for it, but such tribute wasn't enough to soothe her. The errand of finding her a pet seemed, somehow, a lot harder than it had appeared when she'd demanded it. "You don't suppose an actual puppy would go over well, do you?"
The two shared a look, contemplating Road's reaction to such a mundane pet.
"Maybe a big fluffy white one, like Cyril got her?" The younger man continued, a little desperate.
"As long as you take full credit for the idea." The older shrugged.
"Coward."
"Do say that again. It has a certain ring in it, coming from a man afraid of his own niece."
"I'm not afraid of her." Sulked the younger one.
"No of course not. Merely the look she'll give you, and perhaps the judicious application of her elbows."
"You're the one who rejected the skeletal unicorn and the dragon."
"And you decided against the monkeypony and the knife-wielding doll. Besides, you do know whose room adjoins hers."
"Man up. So what if she wants to keep a monster or two in your room? You could use the company."
"I'll remember that when--"
The two men stopped in their tracks, looking at the creature before them.
"What is that?" The younger asked, finally.
"I was hoping you knew."
It made a squawking honk, opening a thin, teeth-lined maw and hissed at them, spitting with all three of its long, snakelike tongues. The ratlike tail wagged fiercely. It was also about the size of a cat.
"It's small." The long-haired man commented.
"Easily portable."
"Doesn't look like it'll light anything on fire either."
"It's absolutely hideous."
"Yes."
The two men looked at each other again, and the older grinned. "You get to find the leash and collar for it. I suggest something pink, with gemstones."
"Fine, but you get to carry it."
"If I must."
---
Six months later.
"I blame you."
"I distinctly recall this being your idea." The two men sat on the older Tyki's couch, surveying the wreckage of the wine cellar around them as Road's pet monstrosity loomed nearby, giant pink collar a garish contrast to its grey skin.
"Next time you feel like skipping Road's birthday, don't drag me into it."
"What, that was your fault!" A crash accompanied the protest, and the two looked at the creature demolishing the last of the wine racks.
"...Cigarette?"
"Please."