An invite and causal racism

[cariadwen]

Just as I was getting ready I had a phone call from a dear friend of mine. She was my first same sex relationship. I love her very much but not in 'that' way any more

Comments

[sagewhite]

*sigh* racism - and people wonder why we can't have peace in the world. I think you might end up hating her, especially if she managed to irate you 3 times in 20 minutes.

[cariadwen]

What I don't get is that she knows that I was a member of the Anti-aparthied movement and went on demos, sit ins and marches so was *really* involved, yet she still thinks it's Ok to say these things to me. If I said anything against gay people or pagans though she'd be on my back in an instance. Not that I do, what would be the point? I am a bi pagan myself but you know what I mean. That is her red rag and I respect it.

[brewhexe]

Sorry, I know you stay friends with people who yank your chain for some reason, but I hate racists more than anyone. She may have been the best sex you ever had, but get rid. Racists are nasty and she'll just make you cross.

[cariadwen]

She wasn't the best sex ever, not even close. To be that you'd have to have some empathy with the other person in the bed, she doesn't do empathy. When I tuned down our relationship to just being good friends I hurt her. I hate the idea I will hurt her again.

I don't stay with friends who yank my chain, not any more anyhow. But your right I shouldn't accept her invite.

[cariadwen]

Ps I love your icon!

[cariadwen]

Come to think of it the Irish trader wasn't much cop in bed either! Due to the same problem. So why did I feel so bad when I finally spoke up and told him he had gone too far? I am much too much a people pleaser. I will just have to face the fact that while I will never hate her, I do hate her behaviour more than our friendship can bear.

[land_girl]

I think that you are in an unusual position here, because you could walk away without any real regret. In your shoes I think I would be honest and say thatyou would love to go and stay, but you are nervous that she will upset you by saying or doing x, y or z. If you bow out without explaining why, you lose a valuable chance to explain to her how much damage her words can do. Then, if you do go, knowing that she knows how you feel, you won't feel so nervous and wound up, and your health issues may not be quite so bothersome ...

[cariadwen]

You're right. I don't know if I can do it though. But you are right!