'she couldn't relax, with his hand on the small of her back..'

[carkass]

lately, (always) i have been feeling, left out. part of my problem is that, i want to be a part of everything, and i have this phobia of inviting myself places, also of crowds of out-going people. i feel at fault for not being able to make people like me, or for not being likable. or, not even that, just, i get so self-involved i forget other

Comments

[suzys_poetry]

Are you not being invited b/c they don't call you or you don't call them? Perhaps they expect people to call them. Or, perhaps, you need to find a small group of more intimate friends who are more likely to have you come up on their list of "people to invite" when planning something??
I have noticed lately that you seem to get more and more bitter and skeptical of things people do and say, even me. I'm not sure why, but perhaps this is part of the reason. Do you think it would be worthwhile to decide on specific things you want to do more often, or specific people you want to see, and narrow down to work on just making those events happen? You might feel less "left out" because you're less likely to "want to be a part of everything" and therefore missing less. If that makes any sense.

[carkass]

it does make sense. i'm sorry that i've been that way towards you. i didn't even notice, which unnerves me. what i think i really need to do, is remember the good things/friends i have and stop thinking i need more than i need. which is, essentially, what you said.

[suzys_poetry]

Cool. I like it when I make sense