Update

[carl_allery]

Update to say (for those friends not on Facebook) that 5 years after diagnosis, 4 years after my mother's death and 18 months after going into the British Legion home, my father has passed away (at 95). He had a cold in early December that developed sufficiently to require anti-biotics and he never recovered. We made the decision for him not to be

Comments

[julesjones]

I am glad that he had a good end, with familiar surroundings and familiar faces even if he couldn't put names to the faces.

Look after yourself. Even where you are glad for someone's sake that they are done with the process of dying, grief can be hard and strike at odd times.

[carl_allery]

Thank you. Apparently he recognised the staff enough to say - 'You're back then' to one chap after he'd been on holiday. :) I am celebrating his life and many happy memories. Not without tears, but with many smiles.

[heleninwales]

I'm glad he passed away peacefully. You were wise not to have him admitted to hospital. That would have been very scary and disorienting for him and would only have postponed the inevitable for a little while. Or worse, he'd have died in hospital where they wouldn't have been able to provide the one-to-one care he got in the home.

As Jules said, take care of yourself. Are you arranging the funeral or will you share that job with your brother?

Just something that may not have occurred to you, there may be an inquest into your father's death. It often happens where people die in a care home of dementia because they may not have been seen by a doctor prior to their death due to there not being anything physically wrong with them.

[carl_allery]

My mother had to have a PM because she'd not been seen by a Doctor in the week (or fortnight or whatever it is) before her death. As a result the paperwork all went through quite quickly, though it took hours (about 8) for her body to be picked up to go to the hospital

[heleninwales]

I'd forgotten that your mother had needed a post mortem due to dying unexpectedly, so you're familiar with the procedures. It came as a complete shock to the elderly friends I visit. When their friend died in a care home after suffering from dementia for some years, they ended up being interviewed by the police, which was a stressful experience for people in their 90s.

Anyway, I hope that the New Year holiday doesn't delay things too much. Sailing By is absolutely perfect for the funeral music.

[ann_leckie]

I'm so sorry to hear this. But glad to hear he was able to stay in peaceful surroundings and you were able to be with him.

Adding to "take care of yourself."

[carl_allery]

It was a privilege to look after him for the time I did and then to be able to place him somewhere that we knew he would be safe and happy. I can't speak highly enough of the home's approach which was always about what my father wanted or needed. At the end he didn't want any clothes on ... so they didn't bother. He was warm and comfortable and covered by a sheet anyway, and much happier than if they'd insisted.

We'd already decided that if he made it another 2 years and needed his pacemaker battery replacing again, we'd have to refuse and when the battery died, so would he. In the end the timing was about right.

[stevendj]

Condolences.

[carl_allery]

Thank you, Steven.

[pennski]

I am sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.

[carl_allery]

Cheers, it's never easy, but it could have been a lot worse for all of us.