A Green Blanket

[carlfrancis23]

Go take small parts
bring things in jars
mason jars on masonry
for masons

a green blanket
cannot be used to hide
ultra over conspicuous

take this exit
the freeway turns ahead
vacant village

feline frank reads poems
to the elderly
it reads gravestones to the elderly

I read the note on the fridge
please don't leave the door open
we arnt trying to refrigerate our

Comments

[i_am_banana]

i think we all know the answer to that question...

[carlfrancis23]

whoa. I think I do. ;-]

Ultra over conspicuous

[kaddurpiller]

Where our hearts are concerned, wouldn't disambiguation be a good thing? Or was that sarcasm? I'm a little hesitant to comment cuz I'm not sure how healthy my criticisms are. I'm not sure how much reading needs to be done. Obviously what you've written isn't meant to be forthright and translatable. For goodness sake, don't tell me what you were thinking about. Don't change anything. Just think about it. I don't know. I think I'm actually beginning to understand these things ...

Re: Ultra over conspicuous

[carlfrancis23]

where our hearts are concerned sarcasm is intended. AT feilds you know. I try and mix metaphore and meaningless together. some stanzas like the one about the blanket and the fridge are important metaphorically while the ones about the cat and the mason jars are just for timing and effect, or because I like the way it sounds in the context. I think its good to have some nonsense lines mixed in to throw people off, but thats kind of what the peoms about. as for not knowing if you should comment, please do.