(no subject)
i feel like i'm 10 again..
the way my parents talk to me...i just..feel like i'm 10 years old being scolded for doing something wrong...
i don't even know how i'm supposed to think..how im supposed to feel anymore.
thanks mom and dad.
all i wanted was a yes or no answer..if you didn't want me to go..just say no. im not gonna go behind your back and go on the trip anyways. if you dont want me to go, its understandable but dont have me stand there in front of both of you and just let you fire questions at me...questions which i dont have answers for cause my memory is just that bad. i had told you, if you had questions about the trip, his mom will be more than welcome to talk to you. but i guess you chose not to hear that part...
i didnt need the accusations...didnt need to hear the disappointment and anger from you. so what if i met him online. it's freaking 2010. is it any better than me meeting a guy from the bar? from a club? hell, passing by on the street? how much different is it? huh? i cant always find boyfriends through friends, through school.
and its not like i went out with him after talking to him once. i know better than that. i wouldn't have done that anyways. i was skeptical after talking to him once. and i continued to be skeptical. hell i'm still wary about why he likes me, why he chooses to go out with me, why he picked ME. no matter how many times he tells me, i refuse to believe it. it took everything i had to keep from crying and asking them "do you want me to stop seeing him? would that make your lives easier?"
this is why i have such a hard time finding friends and meeting new people. i constantly think they have a second motive, that they're constantly judging me, that they dont REALLY wanna be my friend. i was raised that way..i don't..even know what to do with myself anymore. i don't know.
i should just lock myself up in my room, never date, never go out, live alone..oh wait no i cant live alone, it's too dangerous for me to live alone.
i don't know anymore. i wish dragon boat lake practices have started so i can have something to take my mind off of this. im stressed out enough as it is..i dont need anymore.
the way my parents talk to me...i just..feel like i'm 10 years old being scolded for doing something wrong...
i don't even know how i'm supposed to think..how im supposed to feel anymore.
thanks mom and dad.
all i wanted was a yes or no answer..if you didn't want me to go..just say no. im not gonna go behind your back and go on the trip anyways. if you dont want me to go, its understandable but dont have me stand there in front of both of you and just let you fire questions at me...questions which i dont have answers for cause my memory is just that bad. i had told you, if you had questions about the trip, his mom will be more than welcome to talk to you. but i guess you chose not to hear that part...
i didnt need the accusations...didnt need to hear the disappointment and anger from you. so what if i met him online. it's freaking 2010. is it any better than me meeting a guy from the bar? from a club? hell, passing by on the street? how much different is it? huh? i cant always find boyfriends through friends, through school.
and its not like i went out with him after talking to him once. i know better than that. i wouldn't have done that anyways. i was skeptical after talking to him once. and i continued to be skeptical. hell i'm still wary about why he likes me, why he chooses to go out with me, why he picked ME. no matter how many times he tells me, i refuse to believe it. it took everything i had to keep from crying and asking them "do you want me to stop seeing him? would that make your lives easier?"
this is why i have such a hard time finding friends and meeting new people. i constantly think they have a second motive, that they're constantly judging me, that they dont REALLY wanna be my friend. i was raised that way..i don't..even know what to do with myself anymore. i don't know.
i should just lock myself up in my room, never date, never go out, live alone..oh wait no i cant live alone, it's too dangerous for me to live alone.
i don't know anymore. i wish dragon boat lake practices have started so i can have something to take my mind off of this. im stressed out enough as it is..i dont need anymore.