srs bsns [1/1] (KAT-TUN // Gen)
Title: srs bsns
Pairing/Group: KT gen, Kameno
Rating: G
Genre/Warnings: Humor
Word Count: 1,400~
Notes: For abyssinian13, who requested KAT-TUN gen or Kameno […] at Kame's Birthday Bandwagon. I was originally planning on doing two separate drabbles, but it kind of merged into one random ficlet. I hope this makes you laugh! Enjoy~ ♥
Summary: Taguchi wants to congratulate Kame. Nakamaru just wants to know why his groupmates are certifiably insane.
“… This is stupid.”
Taguchi paid Nakamaru no mind and fussed over the spread of food on the table. “Lunch was a while ago, so this shouldn’t be too much…”
The many colorful confections had turned their dressing room into a mini snack and dessert buffet. “Kame isn’t going to eat all of that,” Nakamaru pointed out.
Taguchi rearranged some of the plates, making sure to place the small dumplings at the front. “At the very least, he’ll eat the manjū,” he said. “Ten for ten yen each! It doesn’t get better than that.”
“You’re never going to get over that, are you,” Ueda commented, phrasing it more as a statement rather than a question. As he passed the table, he reached out lightning fast for said manjū and stuck it in his mouth before Taguchi noticed.
“Are you listening?” Nakamaru asked, resisting the urge to wave his arms around. “You are blowing this out of proportion.”
“This is an occasion that should be celebrated!” Taguchi exclaimed. He produced a party horn and several poppers from somewhere on his person. All that was missing was a party hat. “Where is your member-ai?”
Footsteps interrupted Nakamaru before he could decide whether or not it would be too much to pelt Taguchi with one of the manjū he loved so much. Kame’s voice was a faint murmur through the door as he greeted someone in the hallway. Taguchi nearly vibrated with excitement while Ueda yawned and Nakamaru turned half of his attention back to the newspaper in his hands.
When the door opened, party poppers burst open with several cracks. Small streamers flew into Kame’s face as he flinched back. Taguchi blew into the horn, making one long obnoxious sound.
“Congratulations!!”
Kame picked at the colored streamers that decorated his floppy hat, inspecting one with a raised eyebrow. His forehead creased in that way of his when he wasn’t particularly pleased, though his expression shifted to curiosity when he caught sight of the various snacks. Kame peered at his groupmates from over the rim of his sunglasses.
Nakamaru jabbed a thumb in Taguchi’s direction silently.
Kame eyed their tallest member. “You heard about my new movie?”
Taguchi tilted his head and Nakamaru could practically see the question mark pop into existence above him. “Your new movie?” he echoed.
“Congratulations, Kame,” Nakamaru said sincerely. His smile dropped when he turned to Taguchi. “Now that’s something to celebrate.”
Taguchi waved his hands over Kame’s head, oblivious to Kame’s eyebrow twitching dangerously. “This is also something to celebrate!” he exclaimed.
Ueda just nodded along in the background.
Kame swatted Taguchi away with his bag. “What are you talking about?”
Taguchi nimbly dodged Kame’s strikes. “What are you talking about?”
“I have a new movie that starts filming in a few weeks,” Kame replied, playing composed but there was no mistaking the enthusiastic gleam in his eyes. “I’ll be playing a spy.”
“Like 007?!” Taguchi just about pounced on their youngest member, taking him by the shoulders with a wide-eyed, sparkling expression. “That’s so cool! Do you get to drive a sweet car? What about the gadgets? Are there gadgets!?”
“Not so much,” Kame replied.
Taguchi’s face fell. In that moment, Nakamaru likened him to a golden retriever whose ears were drooping.
Kame looked as if he were trying very hard not to laugh. “It’s not 007, but still as exciting,” he said with a placating pat to Taguchi’s shoulder. “Just wait and see.” He looked around their tallest member and stared at the food spread. “But if you didn’t know about the movie, then why…?”
“Your hair.” Nakamaru sighed in defeat. “Taguchi was talking about… your hair.”
Kame paused for a long moment before he removed his hat. “You wanted to congratulate me on this,” he said. He touched his fingers to the back of his head, where his long locks had been shortened considerably. He faced his groupmates stiffly, waiting for their opinions.
“… not bad,” Ueda acknowledged with a nod.
“It suits you,” Nakamaru added, smiling.
Taguchi stared at his head.
“… um?” Kame fidgeted.
“… You haven’t gotten a haircut in forever! It’s even better than what I imagined when Yamamoto-san told us about your appointment today.” Taguchi gave his haircut another good, long stare before he beamed. “It looks dashing!”
Kame ducked his head and adjusted his sunglasses. “Idiot,” he muttered. He pushed Taguchi out of the way so he could set his things down on the couch.
“But Kazuya-!”
“Hair is serious business,” Ueda commented solemnly. “I should know.”
Kame rolled his eyes. “You act like I’ve never cut my hair before.”
“Trimming is not cutting,” Taguchi replied in a no-nonsense tone. “It’s been, what? Four years?”
“Still, it’s nothing to celebrate over,” Nakamaru interjected. “Kame’s new job is more important.”
Taguchi nodded. “Yes, I’m thankful to Kame’s new movie for getting him to cut his hair.”
“You’re too fixated on my hair,” Kame commented with a put-upon sigh. He ran his fingers through said locks, letting his bangs fall about messily. Nakamaru tried very hard not to notice the way Kame smirked to himself when Taguchi couldn’t tear his eyes away.
“I just like seeing you with new looks!” Taguchi retorted enthusiastically, gaze still focused entirely on Kame’s head. When he finally locked eyes with Kame, he did a double take, having gotten the full effect of the entire picture Kame made. “Ah, this is bad.” He scratched his cheek with an embarrassed smile. “I may have just fallen in love.”
Nakamaru squawked. “How you can say that with a straight face?!” Taguchi was a natural airhead, but how even he could pull off such lines without them sounding completely cheesy was a mystery.
Kame seemed to take it all in stride. The only sign he was ruffled at all was his brief, embarrassed glance to the side. Without another word, he went over to the prepared food and sampled a manjū to Taguchi’s delight.
“That’s the power of a great hairstyle, Nakamaru-kun.” Taguchi shook his head with disappointment, looking sadly at the others. “He just doesn’t get it.”
“I take my hair very seriously, thank you very much.” Nakamaru sniffed, though he touched his head self-consciously. “I put in red highlights for the fanmeeting.”
“And where are they now?” Ueda asked.
“You didn’t keep the blond!” he replied defensively.
Ueda somehow managed to look down on him even though he was sitting. “I have a play.”
“I have Shuuichi!”
“Are you rubbing your weekly show in my face?” Ueda said, tone dropping several degrees.
All of Nakamaru’s instincts told him to backpedal, and to backpedal quickly. “How did we get here again?” he asked aloud.
Nakamaru looked to Kame desperately for someone to help with this insanity, only to find Kame sitting down and drinking a warm cup of tea, looking quite content as Taguchi sat next to him, oohing and ahhing over his hair. Kame was so relaxed he even allowed Taguchi to pet his shortened hairstyle.
Nakamaru twitched. “I’m going to the vending machines. Maybe you all will have recovered your sanity by then.”
“Just wait until he gets his hair cut,” Taguchi stage-whispered to the others.
“My hair is fine!” “Hell would freeze over first.”
Nakamaru glared at Ueda who looked back coolly.
“I’ll cook,” Kame volunteered, jumping on the idea. “I have this new recipe I want to try.” He glanced at Taguchi who was still glued next to him on the couch. “You can be my guinea pig.”
It was as if sunrays had emerged from behind a dark cloud, so bright was Taguchi’s grin. Nakamaru had a sneaking suspicion Taguchi’s whole surprise was part of a larger plan for him to worm his way into Kame’s good graces. And with Kame joining in on Taguchi’s wild whims, it was a sure sign his group members were about to really go off the rails.
The vending machines would not have what he wanted. “I need a stiff drink,” he murmured.
Before he could head out the door, he heard Taguchi in the background. “We could always give Nakamaru-kun… incentive.”
Suddenly filled with a deep foreboding, he glanced back in the room despite his better judgment. They were all sharing conspiratorial looks with each other, and - was Taguchi miming scissors with his fingers?
Kame had on his work face, a sign of how seriously he was taking this idea, while an unholy gleam reflected in Ueda’s eyes.
Kame noticed Nakamaru still hadn’t left and gave him his perfect idol smile, his new hairstyle somehow heightening its usual blinding effect. “Change is good every once in a while, don’t you think?” he asked innocently.
A shiver ran down Nakamaru’s spine, and his hands automatically came up to cover his head protectively. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to get much sleep for many, many nights to come.
Pairing/Group: KT gen, Kameno
Rating: G
Genre/Warnings: Humor
Word Count: 1,400~
Notes: For abyssinian13, who requested KAT-TUN gen or Kameno […] at Kame's Birthday Bandwagon. I was originally planning on doing two separate drabbles, but it kind of merged into one random ficlet. I hope this makes you laugh! Enjoy~ ♥
Summary: Taguchi wants to congratulate Kame. Nakamaru just wants to know why his groupmates are certifiably insane.
“… This is stupid.”
Taguchi paid Nakamaru no mind and fussed over the spread of food on the table. “Lunch was a while ago, so this shouldn’t be too much…”
The many colorful confections had turned their dressing room into a mini snack and dessert buffet. “Kame isn’t going to eat all of that,” Nakamaru pointed out.
Taguchi rearranged some of the plates, making sure to place the small dumplings at the front. “At the very least, he’ll eat the manjū,” he said. “Ten for ten yen each! It doesn’t get better than that.”
“You’re never going to get over that, are you,” Ueda commented, phrasing it more as a statement rather than a question. As he passed the table, he reached out lightning fast for said manjū and stuck it in his mouth before Taguchi noticed.
“Are you listening?” Nakamaru asked, resisting the urge to wave his arms around. “You are blowing this out of proportion.”
“This is an occasion that should be celebrated!” Taguchi exclaimed. He produced a party horn and several poppers from somewhere on his person. All that was missing was a party hat. “Where is your member-ai?”
Footsteps interrupted Nakamaru before he could decide whether or not it would be too much to pelt Taguchi with one of the manjū he loved so much. Kame’s voice was a faint murmur through the door as he greeted someone in the hallway. Taguchi nearly vibrated with excitement while Ueda yawned and Nakamaru turned half of his attention back to the newspaper in his hands.
When the door opened, party poppers burst open with several cracks. Small streamers flew into Kame’s face as he flinched back. Taguchi blew into the horn, making one long obnoxious sound.
“Congratulations!!”
Kame picked at the colored streamers that decorated his floppy hat, inspecting one with a raised eyebrow. His forehead creased in that way of his when he wasn’t particularly pleased, though his expression shifted to curiosity when he caught sight of the various snacks. Kame peered at his groupmates from over the rim of his sunglasses.
Nakamaru jabbed a thumb in Taguchi’s direction silently.
Kame eyed their tallest member. “You heard about my new movie?”
Taguchi tilted his head and Nakamaru could practically see the question mark pop into existence above him. “Your new movie?” he echoed.
“Congratulations, Kame,” Nakamaru said sincerely. His smile dropped when he turned to Taguchi. “Now that’s something to celebrate.”
Taguchi waved his hands over Kame’s head, oblivious to Kame’s eyebrow twitching dangerously. “This is also something to celebrate!” he exclaimed.
Ueda just nodded along in the background.
Kame swatted Taguchi away with his bag. “What are you talking about?”
Taguchi nimbly dodged Kame’s strikes. “What are you talking about?”
“I have a new movie that starts filming in a few weeks,” Kame replied, playing composed but there was no mistaking the enthusiastic gleam in his eyes. “I’ll be playing a spy.”
“Like 007?!” Taguchi just about pounced on their youngest member, taking him by the shoulders with a wide-eyed, sparkling expression. “That’s so cool! Do you get to drive a sweet car? What about the gadgets? Are there gadgets!?”
“Not so much,” Kame replied.
Taguchi’s face fell. In that moment, Nakamaru likened him to a golden retriever whose ears were drooping.
Kame looked as if he were trying very hard not to laugh. “It’s not 007, but still as exciting,” he said with a placating pat to Taguchi’s shoulder. “Just wait and see.” He looked around their tallest member and stared at the food spread. “But if you didn’t know about the movie, then why…?”
“Your hair.” Nakamaru sighed in defeat. “Taguchi was talking about… your hair.”
Kame paused for a long moment before he removed his hat. “You wanted to congratulate me on this,” he said. He touched his fingers to the back of his head, where his long locks had been shortened considerably. He faced his groupmates stiffly, waiting for their opinions.
“… not bad,” Ueda acknowledged with a nod.
“It suits you,” Nakamaru added, smiling.
Taguchi stared at his head.
“… um?” Kame fidgeted.
“… You haven’t gotten a haircut in forever! It’s even better than what I imagined when Yamamoto-san told us about your appointment today.” Taguchi gave his haircut another good, long stare before he beamed. “It looks dashing!”
Kame ducked his head and adjusted his sunglasses. “Idiot,” he muttered. He pushed Taguchi out of the way so he could set his things down on the couch.
“But Kazuya-!”
“Hair is serious business,” Ueda commented solemnly. “I should know.”
Kame rolled his eyes. “You act like I’ve never cut my hair before.”
“Trimming is not cutting,” Taguchi replied in a no-nonsense tone. “It’s been, what? Four years?”
“Still, it’s nothing to celebrate over,” Nakamaru interjected. “Kame’s new job is more important.”
Taguchi nodded. “Yes, I’m thankful to Kame’s new movie for getting him to cut his hair.”
“You’re too fixated on my hair,” Kame commented with a put-upon sigh. He ran his fingers through said locks, letting his bangs fall about messily. Nakamaru tried very hard not to notice the way Kame smirked to himself when Taguchi couldn’t tear his eyes away.
“I just like seeing you with new looks!” Taguchi retorted enthusiastically, gaze still focused entirely on Kame’s head. When he finally locked eyes with Kame, he did a double take, having gotten the full effect of the entire picture Kame made. “Ah, this is bad.” He scratched his cheek with an embarrassed smile. “I may have just fallen in love.”
Nakamaru squawked. “How you can say that with a straight face?!” Taguchi was a natural airhead, but how even he could pull off such lines without them sounding completely cheesy was a mystery.
Kame seemed to take it all in stride. The only sign he was ruffled at all was his brief, embarrassed glance to the side. Without another word, he went over to the prepared food and sampled a manjū to Taguchi’s delight.
“That’s the power of a great hairstyle, Nakamaru-kun.” Taguchi shook his head with disappointment, looking sadly at the others. “He just doesn’t get it.”
“I take my hair very seriously, thank you very much.” Nakamaru sniffed, though he touched his head self-consciously. “I put in red highlights for the fanmeeting.”
“And where are they now?” Ueda asked.
“You didn’t keep the blond!” he replied defensively.
Ueda somehow managed to look down on him even though he was sitting. “I have a play.”
“I have Shuuichi!”
“Are you rubbing your weekly show in my face?” Ueda said, tone dropping several degrees.
All of Nakamaru’s instincts told him to backpedal, and to backpedal quickly. “How did we get here again?” he asked aloud.
Nakamaru looked to Kame desperately for someone to help with this insanity, only to find Kame sitting down and drinking a warm cup of tea, looking quite content as Taguchi sat next to him, oohing and ahhing over his hair. Kame was so relaxed he even allowed Taguchi to pet his shortened hairstyle.
Nakamaru twitched. “I’m going to the vending machines. Maybe you all will have recovered your sanity by then.”
“Just wait until he gets his hair cut,” Taguchi stage-whispered to the others.
“My hair is fine!” “Hell would freeze over first.”
Nakamaru glared at Ueda who looked back coolly.
“I’ll cook,” Kame volunteered, jumping on the idea. “I have this new recipe I want to try.” He glanced at Taguchi who was still glued next to him on the couch. “You can be my guinea pig.”
It was as if sunrays had emerged from behind a dark cloud, so bright was Taguchi’s grin. Nakamaru had a sneaking suspicion Taguchi’s whole surprise was part of a larger plan for him to worm his way into Kame’s good graces. And with Kame joining in on Taguchi’s wild whims, it was a sure sign his group members were about to really go off the rails.
The vending machines would not have what he wanted. “I need a stiff drink,” he murmured.
Before he could head out the door, he heard Taguchi in the background. “We could always give Nakamaru-kun… incentive.”
Suddenly filled with a deep foreboding, he glanced back in the room despite his better judgment. They were all sharing conspiratorial looks with each other, and - was Taguchi miming scissors with his fingers?
Kame had on his work face, a sign of how seriously he was taking this idea, while an unholy gleam reflected in Ueda’s eyes.
Kame noticed Nakamaru still hadn’t left and gave him his perfect idol smile, his new hairstyle somehow heightening its usual blinding effect. “Change is good every once in a while, don’t you think?” he asked innocently.
A shiver ran down Nakamaru’s spine, and his hands automatically came up to cover his head protectively. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to get much sleep for many, many nights to come.