FIC: EVERYTHING YOU EVER 1/4 (Nuke BigBang 2010!)
Title: Everything You Ever
Summary: Inspired by a conversation with Faith, Noah makes a list of everything he’s gained since being in a relationship with Luke. With each thing he writes down, he recalls a memory that goes along with it. Some are funny, some are sad, some are sweet- but unbeknownst to Noah, all are leading up to a memory that hasn’t even happened yet.
Author’s Notes: I tried to make it less confusing by having Present Day in this font and flashbacks in this font, so I hope that helps! Also important to note- the flashbacks skip around. They definitely aren’t in a chronological order, sorry! Ginormous thanks to Kat and Moey for being so awesomely ambitious in having the BigBang, thanks to Nicole for being an amazing artist and cheerleader the last couple weeks, and thanks to everyone for reading!
Link to THE TOTALLY AMAZING Art Master Post: http://jessnic85.livejournal.com/37565.html
The apartment is wonderfully, mercifully, beautifully silent when he gets home. Not that he prefers being alone or anything, but after the day that he’s just had…
Noah drops onto the couch with an exhausted sigh. After a long, grueling day at work he stopped by the farm just for a quick visit. Unfortunately, Faith was the only one home. Normally that wouldn’t be an ‘unfortunately,’ but today Faith had broken up with her boyfriend, and no one had been home to console her. Enter poor, totally unequipped Noah.
It was way out of his area of expertise, but Noah had tried as best he could. Luckily, all she had really needed was a shoulder to cry on, and after hearing what this Anthony person had put her through, Noah is inclined to agree with her: the guy is an asshole.
Their conversation gets Noah thinking, though. In his attempts to comfort her, he offered up some words about how relationships are a partnership, a balance. If you’re not getting anything out of it, it’s not worth being in. Faith seemed to like that idea. At least she had stopped crying, right? He hated seeing her cry.
A spot of yellow on the floor catches his eye then- one of his notepads. Noah has taken to carrying a yellow paper legal pad around with him, for whenever he needs to jot down notes for his latest film project. There’s probably a notebook in every room of the apartment by this point for whenever inspiration hits (Luke’s idea, of course).
He reaches down and picks up the notepad, looking over what had been written the night before. But his brain keeps straying back to Faith, tear-stained and heartbroken as only someone that age can be. She had given him this wide eyed, confused look when he tried to explain that partnership. What are you supposed to get out of a relationship then, Noah?
Flipping to a blank page, Noah’s hand starts writing before the rest of him can catch up. He’s a lucky guy, he knows that. He’s in love with one of the most amazing men on the planet. But can he ever put that into words? To try to figure out just what he has gotten from Luke, the things he now has in his life that he’s never had before- can he do that?
Maybe it’s worth trying. He twirls the pen between his fingers for a second- a nervous habit he’s developed that always shows up whenever he’s about to start a new project- and then begins writing.
1. A home
************
“Okay, now you just have to measure out two cups of flour…” Noah said absentmindedly, reading from the recipe in front of him as he held out the measuring cup. After nearly a minute, he realized it was still in his hand. “Luke?” He looked up. Luke was standing nearby, leaning against the counter and giving Noah his best are-you-kidding?-eyebrow raise. Noah sighed. “Fine, I guess I just have to measure the flour.”
“That’s better,” Luke grinned.
Noah dropped his arm back to his side, giving his best poor-me-orphan-who-lost-his-puppy look. “I really am going to do all of this by myself, aren’t I?”
Luke was still grinning, leaning back oh-so-casually against the fridge, his shoulder dangerously close to knocking some Ethan-made magnets to the floor. “And that’s a shock to you?”
A huge, put-upon sigh. “It shouldn’t be by now, I guess.” He sat down at the table, turning the page of the recipe book, double checking that he had all the ingredients in front of him.
“Aww,” Luke stepped forward, ruffling his hair and dropping a loud, sloppy kiss on top of his head. “You know this cake is better off with me not helping.”
Noah fake-grumbled, wondering just when it was that he and Luke really did become the young gay Odd Couple. “As long as I get to tell Natalie I made it myself.”
He felt Luke’s laugh against his back. “Deal.” He watched Noah start preparing the batter. “I just can’t understand why you like cooking so much. I mean, having to follow directions and all that, exactly? No thanks. And, like, measuring stuff and having to wait for things to boil, all that…”
“Well I’ve always been good at following directions,” Noah answered absent-mindedly, reaching out to gather the eggs and vanilla extract. Then he paused, smiling up at Luke. “One day I’m going to cook us a real dinner. I’ve always wanted to. Three courses, dessert, everything.”
Luke raised his eyebrows. “So that means no pizza and double mint mocha chip ice cream?”
Noah’s smile turned into a mock glare. “The ‘ice cream’ can come later if you want. But right now? No. A real home-cooked meal. Like it’s supposed to be, like… like I’ve always wanted.”
He looked back down at the mixing bowl so he wouldn’t have to see the look of understanding pass across Luke’s face. They’ve both gotten very good at pretending that Noah’s life didn’t start until he arrived in Oakdale. Anything before that? Not worth thinking about.
He could actually feel Luke shake himself free of any sad thoughts. “You know, I’ve never done this before.”
“Done what?” Noah took the bait, cracking an egg on the side of the bowl and dropping the contents inside.
“Been in the kitchen without getting ordered away by Mom or Grandma. It’s nice! Check out my character growth!”
He couldn’t help but laugh. “Let me guess, you’ve never baked a thing in your life.”
“Hey,” Luke was indignant. “I can do… something. Let me crack an egg!”
“You are a cracked egg,” he mumbled.
Luke lightly slapped his shoulder. “I heard that. And just for that…” he reached past Noah, picked up one of the eggs. “I can do this!”
“Luke-” Noah tried to pull the bowl away, but he wasn’t in time. It all happened so fast that, even if pressed by a cop in one of those scary interrogation rooms, he wouldn’t be able to say what happened. But all of a sudden there was a cracked egg splattered across the floor.
And a sheepish Luke looking at him. “Oops?”
He sighed. Again. “What was that about character growth?” He tossed a nearby washcloth at his boyfriend. Sometimes, he told himself, he liked Luke much better as a boyfriend than a roommate.
Luke grinned, looking so much like Ethan getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar. (It was a cliché phrase, but Noah had seen it actually happen at least a dozen times.) “Why do I have to clean it up? I thought we were partners- I did the first part, so you do the last part. That’s fair!”
Noah was fully prepared to keep up his end of the banter, but a better idea suddenly popped up in his brain. Instead of rolling his eyes, he smirked, standing up and leaning back against the kitchen table, letting his t-shirt ride up just a little bit in the front. Judging by the look on Luke’s face, it did. “You know… there’s one other thing I’ve never done in a kitchen before and always wanted to.”
Luke transformed from little-kid-bouncy to panther-like-stalking in 2.2 seconds flat. “Oh yeah?” his voice got deeper. Noah wondered if he even knew he did that. “What’s that?” He sidled up to Noah, hooking his fingers in Noah’s belt loops. He leaned in, pausing with his lips a few centimeters from Noah’s. Thinking he was in control.
He wasn’t. Noah closed the distance between them, resting his mouth against Luke’s. Not kissing. “This,” he murmured.
And then broke an egg on top of Luke’s head.
“Hey!” Luke yelped loudly, jumping about a foot into the air.
Noah fought hard to keep from laughing as Luke glared at him, pieces of gooey yellow yolk dripping down his face. It was possibly the hardest thing Noah had ever had to do in his life, keeping his face cool and casual. And then, feeling brave, he even dared to raise an eyebrow innocently.
Which ended up being his downfall. Luke’s eyes narrowed and, one hand still holding Noah close, the other scrambled on the table behind him. Luke lit up victoriously, and when his hand came into view again, it was full of chocolate frosting.
“Luke-!” Noah offered up the quickest of protests, but not quick enough. Luke smeared the frosting across Noah’s face, almost from ear to ear. Noah blinked until the chocolate was out of his eyes, catching Luke’s answering smirk. “Oh,” his voice rumbled. “You did not just do that.”
Luke waved his still frosting-covered hand. “I actually think I just did.”
They stared at each other for a second, Mexican standoff-style. Noah swore he could hear the theme music to The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Though he was pretty sure Clint Eastwood didn’t use a bag of flour for a weapon. But Noah did. He dumped as much of it over Luke as he could, hoping it would all stick to the egg-y mess already there, before Luke was able to knock the bag out of his hands.
After that it was a free for all, and the food that had been spread out on the table was now covering the counter and the floor and them. Mostly them. Noah tried to twist away from a second strawberry assault and ended up slipping on a tablespoon of butter on the floor. He reached out for something to regain his balance, but it was too late. He ended up on his back on the hard tile with Luke- the thing he had grabbed- smack on top of him.
Both of them were covered in what was once a potential cake, grinning, breathing hard and laughing all at once. Luke tried to glare, about to scold Noah for bringing him to the ground too, but Noah beat him to it, throwing his words back in his face. “Oops.”
Luke shifted just a little, not making any move to get off of him. Instead he ran his fingers down Noah’s arms, taking his hands and pulling them up to pin them to the floor on either side of Noah’s head. “We’re a mess,” he announced, not at all sorry.
Noah wasn’t sorry either. He tangled his fingers up with Luke’s. “Why do I get the feeling you’re still going to make me clean all of this up?”
Luke pretended to contemplate, tilting his head to the side. “Hmmm…” he rested more and more weight on his forearms, sinking more and more onto Noah. “Maybe not all of it.” Then he leaned down and licked a bit of chocolate frosting off his cheek.
He shivered a little at the touch, leaning up against Luke holding him down, wanting more. “I think you missed a spot,” he murmured.
Luke’s grin softened to something sweeter, like strawberries and chocolate frosting. Which is also what he tasted like, when he once again leaned in and captured Noah’s mouth with his own. “I think I’ll get to it at some point,” he finally responded, kissing his cheek again.
And despite the fact that there were strawberry bits in his hair and Luke’s neck was sticky from vanilla extract, and despite the still-there instincts to Clean up this mess! and Finish what you started! and despite the fact that they still needed a dessert dish of some kind… Noah let it all go. Happily.
Luke hummed softly in contentment, licking and kissing off more of the food debris on Noah’s face, Noah trying to return the favor as much as he could. Until both of them forgot about food altogether and just concentrated on the taste of each other. Noah’s favorite flavor.
He opened his mouth just a little bit more, mixing Luke with vanilla and sugar. Luke’s hands were still pinning his down, the hold growing a little more desperate. Noah knew exactly where this was heading and he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop-
“Ahem.”
And suddenly it was like they were eighteen again, ruefully pulling apart in a matter of seconds. And just like when they were eighteen, Holden stood in the doorway of the kitchen, eyebrows raised, arms crossed, and smile knowing. But at least now it was their own kitchen, and instead of offering excuses they just grinned right back at him, sitting side by side on the messy floor.
Holden shook his head. “You left the front door unlocked again. Did we come at a bad time?” Lily and Emma appeared next to him, taking everything in with maternally wide eyes, which did make Noah feel a little bit guilty about the mess. Not enough to actually do anything, of course, but still...
“Yes,” Luke shot back immediately. “We were actually very busy making a cake for Natalie’s Girl Scout barbeque.” Noah nodded helpfully.
Holden just snorted, disbelieving. Emma clucked her tongue, looking like she wanted nothing more than to grab them by the ears and start scolding, or grab a mop and start cleaning. “Oh boys, look at all this! Noah, see? This is why we never let Luke help in the kitchen.”
“I don’t know,” Noah managed to keep a straight face. “There are some advantages to keeping him around.”
************
The looks on the adult Snyders faces is permanently fixed in his brain. Besides their slight mortification (or maybe that was just him…), there was no recrimination, no anger or disappointment for making a mess. Just exasperation. They even seemed somewhat… happy. Happy that the boys were happy. Happy that Noah could just cut loose and not care about the rules all the time.
It reminds Noah to add another thing to his Luke List,
2. Disorder
before moving on to more serious things. More important things.
Though he hates that it still happens, going through memories like this makes him think of his father. Because in a way, a list of things Luke has given him is also a list of things the Colonel hasn’t. And Luke has given him a lot.
It has taken him a long time to accept it, but now Noah can admit that he’d been bullied most of his life. And before Luke taught him how, Noah never had a reason to stand up to someone else. But, again, that was B.L. Before Luke. He’s different now, everything is different now. He adds something else to the list…
3. Courage
************
Crap, crap, crap. Work ran late yet again today, and Noah was positive Luke was right now waiting for him in Old Town, tapping his foot and looking at his watch. “Crap, crap, crap,” he muttered under his breath as he hurried through Old Town to their meeting spot. Their bench.
He rounded the last corner, apologetic-please-love-me smile firmly in place… and froze. What the hell?
Luke was standing with his hands up placating, eyes wide and sincere. In front of him stood a guy about their age, towering over him menacingly. A very big guy. Quite possibly the same height as Noah, with an extra forty pounds of muscle or so. A girl was tugging on his arm futilely, but the guy was focused on Luke. His Luke. Noah quickened his pace even more, eyes narrowed worriedly.
“What the hell did you think you were doing?” the guy shouted into Luke’s face.
Luke tried to calm the guy down, even as he took another step back. “Look, I think there’s been a misunderstanding. She dropped her bracelet. I was just giving it back to her.”
“Tommy, seriously, it was nothing!” the girl shook his arm again.
The guy Tommy wasn’t listening. He took a step closer, pushing a finger into Luke’s chest belligerently, enough force behind it to cause Luke to hit the brick wall behind him. “Why don’t you go and hit on someone else’s girlfriend, okay?”
Luke’s jaw dropped, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of that statement. Unfortunately, Tommy didn’t appear to get the joke. He reached for Luke with one hand, his other hand balling into a fist and rearing back.
“Hey!” Noah grabbed the fist and pulled the guy off Luke, twisting his arm behind his back and shoving him face first into that nearby wall. “What’s going on?”
Tommy tried to pull away, but Noah knew what he was doing. He twisted the arm a little tighter. Tommy winced, grunted angrily, but calmed down. “It’s none of your business, dude. Walk away.”
Noah laughed a little. “Thanks for the warning, but I’m making it my business.” He pushed at the guy’s arm again. “So tell me why you were about to hit him.”
Tommy glared over his shoulder. “That guy was moving in on my girlfriend!”
Luke was actually still laughing. The whole thing made Noah roll his eyes. “First of all, you’re setting a great example to win her back. Second of all, that’d be pretty stupid for ‘that guy’ do to, considering his boyfriend might see the whole thing and get as mad as you did.”
The guy snorted skeptically. “Sure, he’s gay. How would you know? What, are you his boyfriend, Bodyguard?”
Well that settled that question- the guy was definitely an idiot. “Damn right I am,” Noah finally took a step back, shoving Tommy away from him and Luke. He reached out, taking Luke’s hand in his and pulling him close, his voice getting louder and defiant, possibly enough for all of Old Town to hear. “You want to explain to me the logistics of just how my boyfriend was hitting on your girlfriend?”
The girl, blushing the brightest red Noah had ever seen, pulled on his hand again, dragging him away. “Come on, Tommy, let’s go! God, nothing happened, I can’t believe you even…” her words trailed off as the couple rounded the corner and disappeared.
Noah kept glaring in their direction anyway, until he realized Luke was staring at him. He turned to the side, in time to see Luke batting his eyelashes. “My hero,” he sighed, kissing Noah’s cheek.
Noah’s eyes cast downward as another thought suddenly came to mind. Uh-oh… “I’m sorry, Luke. I know you can, like, handle yourself and fight your own battles. I just wasn’t thinking, I saw him trying to hit you, and I know you’re not some damsel in distress, I didn’t mean to imply you were, or-”
Luke kissed him again, this time on his mouth. Probably to shut him up. He kept on kissing, until Noah’s muscles were more relaxed and he forgot what had just happened. He forgot where they were. He pretty much forgot his own name.
It took him a second to realize Luke had pulled back. He opened his eyes- apparently he had closed them at some point- and caught Luke’s smile. “What?”
Luke shook his head. “I kinda like that you weren’t thinking. That your first instinct was to step up and protect your boyfriend.” He pinched Noah’s chin playfully, waggled his head. “And it was kinda hot, too.” His hand slid down from Noah’s chin to his shoulder, down his arm, linking their fingers. “And anyway, now we’re even.” The grin turned gleeful. “Since you owed me for what happened at Metro last week.”
Noah groaned loudly. “I thought we agreed never to mention that? Ever? Ever again?”
************
He almost laughs out loud at that, remembering exactly what incident Luke was referring to. It’s also true that no one had ever stood up for him before he came to Oakdale. And Luke has done it so many times, he can probably spend a few hours making a list of just those stories. Though some are just more entertaining than others…
4. Safety
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( Continued in Chapter 2!)