FIC: FEET ON THE AIR, HEAD ON THE GROUND (4/4)
Title: Feet On The Air, Head On The Ground
Author: carolinablu85
Chapter: 4/4
Characters: Noah, Luke, Alison
Rating: R for language and violence, A for angst
Spoilers: up through the June 23, 2010 episode, I make it up from there but borrow from canon a little bit
Summary: "I want you to hit me as hard as you can." Noah loses himself after losing Luke.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cell phone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
A/N: Based on a wonderful, beautiful prompt by natashaodwalla: "Fight Club." Who is incredibly awesome and wonderful and cheered me through the early stages of writing this. Thanks Tasha!!
A/N: I'm not sure how much I'll be posting in the next month- I'm attempting that crazy NaNo thing! :) But we'll see what happens
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |
CHAPTER FOUR
He was sitting in the dark. Alone. Even in his current state, Noah could appreciate a thematic atmosphere like that. It’d make a good closing shot for a film. Like that movie Ali had been watching the other day- “Happy endings are just stories that haven’t finished yet.” He couldn’t remember what the movie was. That probably wasn’t a good sign.
His head hurt. A lot. He probably shouldn’t have fought tonight, but he couldn’t help it. He had needed it. After what... after everything, he had needed it.
It had been awhile since he’d lost a fight, but law of averages said it had to happen at some point. Tonight’s hadn’t been fun (not that it every really was), but luckily he had remembered to tap out before the guy could break his face. Little victories, he guessed.
And now here he was, back at the apartment. Alone. In the dark. He couldn’t bring himself to laugh, but the thought did cross his mind. That was something. He shook his head a little, wincing at the motion. He felt sick, like he had swallowed a pint of his own blood.
His head really hurt. Every time he fought, every time he got hit in the head, a part of him worried he was going to go blind again. But then, part of him wondered if maybe that was why he still did it. To tempt fate. Or to punish himself. Or just to stop the life he’s living right now. Sure, he hated himself when he was blind, but at least he had someone else looking out for him.
Now he had nothing. And it was his own fault. Didn’t that mean he deserved to suffer the consequences?
Funny thing was, he had planned on quitting. The talk with Dallas and the dream later had gotten to him. His friend (Dallas was his friend? When had that happened?) was right- fighting wasn’t going to keep him going.
But he was also right that it was a drug, and Noah was an addict. And hearing through hospital gossip that Luke had moved out of Lily’s house (despite Ali’s best efforts to stop that news from getting to him) sent him spiraling back into the club. He needed the fix. Because Luke moving meant Luke was moving on.
If he could get himself to, Noah would probably feel ashamed of himself. Luke was moving on, being a grownup, while Noah was off in a corner throwing an elaborate temper tantrum. And if he could get himself to, he’d probably be angry at himself too, for still letting Luke affect him so much. But he couldn’t help it. What else did he have?
A knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts. At first he wanted to ignore it and hope it would go away- he was good at that- but another knock had him standing up moving almost instinctively. What is something had happened to Ali? Or what if Dallas had relapsed or something?
The second he stood he had to grab the back of the couch to steady himself. Whoa there. The world tilted for a moment, and he had that heady rush of altitude change, like a plane taking off. Or crashing. He wobbled his way to the door, rolling his eyes at the plane metaphor. Though, there was something to be said for being on autopilot...
He opened the door slowly, only half-looking to see who it was. Until he saw him.
Luke.
“Hey,” Luke waved a hand cautiously, his other hand grasping a large plastic bag. “Can, um, can I come in?”
We have just lost cabin pressure.
“Luke?” he had to make sure this wasn’t a figment of his imagination. A hallucination. Maybe he was actually in the hospital, in a coma, and this was a dream... Except been there, done that, Mayer.
“Yeah,” Luke didn’t seem to mind confirming it was real. “I’m sorry I just, just showed up like this. But-”
“Oh, yeah, come in,” he fumbled backwards, allowing Luke into the apartment, leading him towards the living room.
Luke frowned a little as Noah flipped on the light switch. “Were you sleeping?”
“Um, no, I-” he shifted on his feet a little, scared and completely thrown by what was going on. Why is he here? “I just got back. From-”
“Yeah,” Luke quietly interrupted him. “It’s Tuesday, isn’t it?” He smiled sadly at Noah, sitting down on the couch. “That’s why I’m here.”
“Why you’re here?” Noah repeated back.
Luke was still smiling, looking just as wary as Noah felt, and held up the plastic bag, pulling things out of it as he spoke. “I’ve got ice packs and bandages, ibuprofen, antiseptic stuff and whatever else I could find in Grandma’s medicine cabinet-”
“Luke...” Noah was more and more confused.
Luke continued like he hadn’t heard him, rambling now. “And I’ve got a bag of Reese’s Pieces, they’re still your favorite, right? I know they used to help whenever you were sick or cranky, so I figured maybe-”
“Luke,” Noah tried again.
“I hate this, Noah,” he stopped just that quickly, looking up at Noah with determination. “I hate it. I hate that no one takes care of you. I hate even more that I’m not taking care of you, and I...” he took a deep breath, his gaze never wavering. “I want that to change.”
“Y-you what?” Noah was frozen. This really was a messed-up dream, wasn’t it?
Luke tentatively patted the couch cushion next to him. “Sit with me? Please? I need to talk, to tell you some things.”
That autopilot was back in action, it was the only explanation, because a few seconds later Noah was sitting next to him. His hands were shaking. It felt like his brain was shaking. He eyed Luke, more and more freaked. This couldn’t mean what he thought (hoped) it did.
Luke picked up one of his hands, and they both started at the sensation. How long had it been since they had touched each other? Luke blinked, squeezing Noah’s hand, examining it. Then he pulled out some antiseptic wipes and a roll of bandages and gently started cleaning the cuts. “I was lying.”
Noah tensed. He wanted to pull his hand away from Luke, but he just couldn’t do it. “About what?”
“About me, mostly,” Luke shrugged one shoulder, his concentration still on Noah’s hand. “I never moved on, Noah. From us.”
“But you want to,” Noah murmured, wishing he could tear his eyes away from Luke, Luke’s hands, Luke’s hands on him.
“No,” Luke said forcefully. “I don’t want to. I thought I was supposed to. I had made that decision t-to not be with you, and I just got so stubborn and prideful about it.” He finished bandaging the one hand and switched over to the other. “I didn’t want to admit I made the wrong choice.”
“No one thought you made the wrong choice, Luke,” Noah protested. No one he knew, at least. Ali said what she could to try and make him feel better, but from what Noah had seen, nobody else really cared that he and Luke had broken up.
“Lots of people did,” Luke corrected, insisting. “But it was up to me to figure that out, and I ignored it for so long- too long. I looked more foolish playing make-believe like that instead of looking foolish going back on the decisions I’d made. I was trapped, yeah, but I trapped myself.”
Noah watched with wide eyes as he pulled out the ice pack in his bag, shaking it a little and then pressing it lightly to the side of Noah’s face. Still shocked, he let Luke pick up his hand again and guide it to hold the ice pack in place over a few bruises. “I don’t understand,” he said carefully. He was so not going to get his hopes up. Not this time.
Luke was still trying to smile, though his eyes were tracking over Noah’s face and arms, stopping at every cut and bruise along the way. “I’m sorry for the things I’ve been saying lately. I didn’t mean them. That we’re not right for each other? That Reid deserved that chance over you, after everything we’ve been to each other? That could never be true, Noah. I’m sorry I made it seem that way.” He chuckled a little, shaking his head. “I’ve been fighting with myself a lot lately. In my head. I think it was time to let the better half win.”
Noah couldn’t help it, he flinched a little at those words. It reminded him way too much of his dream the other night. Everything in him right now was telling him to pull away, to shut down, to get out of this before it got bad again. He closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. No.
“Hey,” Luke’s hand ran lightly through his hair, pulling him out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes to look into Luke’s worried ones. “You’ve been gone for too long, Noah. Don’t go away anymore, okay?”
He shuddered, biting his lip to keep control. This was unreal. This couldn’t be happening. I may not always like what Reid thinks or has to say, but at least he lets me know what’s going on his head! That’s what Luke had said at Java. And he owed Luke at least that much, right? “I was trapped too,” he whispered.
Luke’s hand stilled, resting on the back of his head. “What?”
“I’ve been, I don’t know, like this, and everything is... I don’t have a right to grieve because most of these problems are my fault. But I was mad at you too, and I couldn’t fight you. And I couldn’t get myself to fight for you. So I fought anyone who would take a swing at me. It helped,” he said with a shrug.
“It wasn’t all your fault,” Luke ducked his head a little to catch Noah’s eyes once more. “What happened between us this year? It wasn’t a breakup. It was a fuckup. We fucked up royally, Mayer. But... but we still love each other, right?”
“Right,” Noah found himself answering without thinking, without questioning, without worrying.
And Luke smiled, genuine and happy and relieved, and Noah wanted to keep that look around forever. “After everything, we still love each other. That kinda means something, doesn’t it? It means there’s every chance of us getting back what we had, maybe even better, and I want that to happen.” He dropped the bag of Reese’s Pieces into Noah’s lap. “I want for you to be happy again, to smile. To feel good. I want to help you find... you, I guess. And I think doing that will help me find me.”
Noah was silent for a moment, studying him. “This isn’t right,” he finally said, quieter than he intended.
Luke frowned. “What isn’t?”
Slowly, hands still shaking a little, he grabbed Luke’s, holding it the way he always used to. “This. You apologizing, and coming over here with this speech, and wanting to help me. You- it should be me. I should be wooing you back, notes and flowers and stuff.”
Luke broke into that giant beautiful grin, his free hand carding through Noah’s hair again. “Wooing me?” he echoed, just this side of teasing.
The warmth spreading across Noah’s face was such a foreign feeling, Noah almost didn’t know what it was. Then he realized he was blushing. “I should,” he insisted stubbornly. “I should have flowers or... or something.” He looked around as though the answer would be there. Finally, maybe desperate, he offered the Reese’s Pieces to him. “It’s all I have,” he mumbled.
Luke’s eyes lit up, his smile turning into something like Ethan’s (God, Noah missed Ethan)- sweet and silly and the purest of feelings- and he put his hand on Noah’s, curling their fingers together. “You have you,” he said softly. “That’s what I want.” And then he leaned in and pressed his mouth to Noah’s.
As far as kisses go, it wasn’t their most spectacular. The lightest touch of their lips together, hands linked, bodies barely grazing.
And it was so, so perfect.
Noah couldn’t help but melt into it, leaning forward into Luke’s chest to keep himself upright. He was shaking again. Part of his brain was screaming at him to get out, get himself away, protect himself. That this wouldn’t last, this would only kill him.
And then Luke was cradling his face with both hands, slowly parting Noah’s lips with a swipe of his tongue... and Noah shattered. That was the only way to describe how it felt. The noise he made was somewhere between a sigh and a sob, and he clutched at Luke’s shirt like it was a life vest. And it was. Noah didn’t want to drown. He didn’t want to let go.
“Easy, easy,” Luke murmured against his mouth, his own hands gentling along Noah’s face. “It’s okay,” he rested their foreheads together. Another quick kiss, just quick enough to leave Noah wanting more, and he pulled back again. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” Noah replied brokenly. “It’s not okay. I’m not okay. I’m sorry, Luke, I’m... I’m so messed up. I’m sorry-”
“Hey,” Luke drew his face up so they were eye-to-eye. It had been way too long since they were eye-to-eye on anything. “I know you’re sorry. And I’m sorry too, for my part. But if we keep fixating on that, we’re never going to fix it. I came over here tonight to starting fixing things.”
Noah relaxed a little, smoothing his hands over Luke’s shirt where he had been grabbing it, trying idly to get rid of the wrinkles. “I’m, uh...” he offered a weak upturn of his lips, tilting his head a little. “I’m going to need help. With that.”
Luke smiled happily, looking relieved. “I’m going to need to be the one to help you. So you better be okay with that.”
He smiled too, feeling it stretch the muscles on his face he hadn’t used in what felt like years. He was really smiling. “Yeah, yeah I am.” He leaned in close, and Luke moved in to meet him for another kiss. “I’m not going to go back,” he said, once they parted. “On Friday.”
Luke knew what he was trying to say. “Good.” It was one word, but he put everything into it. And then smirked a little, his eyes flashing mischievously, in that way that made Noah’s heart beat insanely fast. “Because I broke up with Reid not too long ago and if he’s still going I’m sure he’d love the chance to fight right now.”
Noah couldn’t help but frown, narrow his eyes a little. “I don’t care. And I could beat him again if I wanted to,” he grumbled.
“Again?!” Luke pulled back some, eyes wide. “What the hell does that mean? Did you two-”
Instead of answering, instead of letting Luke finish the question, Noah found a way to distract him. Found the best way to distract him. Part of him was scared; it had been so long, he wasn’t sure if he'd know how to kiss Luke anymore. But it turned out that being with Luke Snyder was one thing his body would never forget how to do.
He brought his hands up to frame Luke’s face, both of them leaning back to rest against the couch cushions. Luke chuckled when he finally stopped to catch his breath. “I’m well aware that that was a ploy,” he said lightly, his fingers twisting and twirling Noah’s hair. Another wall inside Noah crumbled away at that feeling. “But right now I think I’m okay with that.”
“So I can, um,” Noah ducked his head, feeling ridiculous, but feeling like he had to ask. “I can do it again?”
Luke stared at him like he’d just said the dumbest thing in the world (Noah remembered that look, and maybe another wall started to crack and tumble down), before wrapping his arms around Noah’s neck. “Oh, God yes.”
************
Ali was worried for a second when she stepped inside the apartment, because the living room light was on. Noah never left a light on. When he was home, he was usually hidden away in his own room, never where Ali could see him. And with the way he had been lately, she was within her right to assume something might be wrong right now.
She hurried into the living room, about to yell out his name, when she saw them on the couch. She skidded to a halt, barely catching the wall next to her for support. “Oh thank God,” she couldn’t help but sigh out loud.
They were together. On the couch. Noah, with Luke. Luke and Noah. Together. Oh thank God. Both were asleep sitting up, Luke curled around Noah’s side, arms wrapped around him, head against his chest. Noah’s head was resting against the back of the couch, tilted a little into Luke’s body.
He had new bruises on his face, she realized with a frown. And a scrape or two. But she could also see bandages around his hands, a band-covering a cut on his temple. The coffee table was littered with ice packs and band-aid wrappers and an empty bag of Reese’s Pieces. She put a hand to her forehead, trying to calm herself down. Noah was going to get better now. He had to.
“Alison?” a voice murmured groggily.
She looked up at the couch again. Luke was twisting around, eyeing her cautiously. She let out a quiet sigh, smiling slightly, waving. “Hey,” she whispered.
Luke smiled back, looking a little embarrassed, and carefully pulled himself away from Noah. He froze when Noah shifted a little, but a soft kiss to his forehead kept him from waking up. (Another thank God moment, Ali noted. Noah never got enough sleep. He was way too ‘up at the crack of dawn’ in her opinion.) “Kitchen?” Luke suggested quietly.
“Kitchen,” she agreed, just as quiet. She led the way into the other room, making sure to dim the living room lights on her way out. The second they were clear, she whipped around, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well?”
Luke chewed at his lower lip for a second before answering. “We’re working things out. I mean, I’m pretty sure we’re getting back together. I just... I don’t want him to hurt anymore. And I hurt without him, so...”
She nodded, trying to keep her face stern and not jump for joy or squeal like a teenager. “It’s about damn time you did something. Casey was two days away from hunting you down and kicking your ass into gear.”
He chuckled softtly, rubbing the side of his face. “And what about you?”
She smiled some then. “Less than two days.”
The tension that she didn’t want to admit had been there was slowly easing away. The logical part of her brain knew their breakup had been full of mistakes on both sides, but having a front row seat to Noah’s suffering all this summer had left Ali a little angry on his behalf. And the fact that Noah just couldn’t seem to understand how much she cared, and why she cared, had been as upsetting as anything else. She had wanted to blame Luke for that, for Noah feeling that way.
She leaned back against the cabinets. “You know what’s going on, whatever it is, don’t you? Why he has all those bruises and stuff?”
Luke regarded her seriously. “Yeah. I do.”
“Okay,” she nodded. “I don’t need to know everything, that’s fine. As long as I can know it’s over. That he’s...” she trailed off.
Luke got it though. “It’s over,” he promised. “He told me it was, and I’m going to make sure it stays that way.”
The way he said it reminded her so much of Noah last year, swearing he would make sure Luke didn’t drink ever again. She couldn’t help but smile. They loved each other. To a ridiculous degree. She was beyond grateful that that hadn’t- couldn’t- change. “Good,” she nodded.
Luke glanced back towards the living room. “He doesn’t have much in his system right now besides water and ibuprofen, but he’s pretty tired. I want him to sleep as much as possible, but after that-”
Ali held up a hand. “Hey, whatever you want to do is fine with me. I’m just grabbing a change of clothes and then I’m heading out, okay?”
He smiled brightly now, a smile she hadn’t seen on him in months. It made her a little sad even as she couldn’t help but smile back. Luke had been suffering too. Thank God that was going to change now. “Okay,” he replied. “Well then, um, I guess we’ll be here?”
“Good to know.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek quickly, heading to her bedroom. “Give me five minutes to get out of your way. I’ll be sure to tell Casey the good news, although...” she winked at him. “I think he was looking forward to kicking your ass.”
Luke smirked back. “Let him try.” Another glance into the living room. “He knows where to find me now. I’ll be here.”
************
He couldn’t get back to sleep after Alison left, so instead he settled onto the couch, easing down next to Noah again, studying him. Noah was curled in on himself a little, arms held in close to his body, face still and calm. So beautiful, and yet so scary. It reminded Luke just a little too much of the way Noah had been acting lately, and he shuddered.
Luke lightly traced the outline of Noah’s bruised jaw with his fingertips. He couldn’t imagine life like that, where the only thing you let yourself feel was physical pain. Where the only human contact you let yourself have (no friends, no family, no boyfriend) was a twice-a-week opportunity for someone to beat the shit out of you.
Noah shifted under his touch, eyes fluttering a few times before opening fully. He tensed for a second when he realized someone was close to him, relaxing once he recognized Luke. Another thing that scared him. Noah was fighting a lot of instincts to hide away right now. There wasn’t going to be some magical cure, for either of them.
For just a moment, it seemed like a daunting amount of work, to get them back on stable ground again. They could both crash and burn at any moment. But then Noah reached out and carefully took his hand, the hand wearing the watch. Worth the wait. And god, Noah- and Noah and him together- was worth more than a wait. They could do this.
“Hey,” he said softly, squeezing their hands together.
“Hey,” Noah said back, smiling crookedly.
Luke leaned in and kissed him, just enough to get a taste. “How’re you feeling?”
Noah shrugged, still rubbing his fingers along Luke’s. “Okay.”
“Oh please,” he snorted. “I’m calling bullshit on that. There’s no way you can be feeling good right now.”
Noah raised one eyebrow, and that combined with his half-smile had Luke dancing on the inside. There he is. “I don’t know, part of me feels really really good right now.”
“Really?” Luke drew the word out slowly with a sly grin of his own. He crept in closer, nudging Noah’s knee with his.
Noah just nodded. Almost tentative at first, he reached out his free hand and brushed the hair back from Luke’s forehead, trailing down to cup the side of his face. His skin was somehow soft and perfect, even covered in bandages and scrapes. Luke leaned into the touch, keeping quiet for now. Letting Noah get whatever he needed.
What Noah needed, apparently, was Luke. His hand slid around to the back of Luke’s hand and pulled him in for another kiss, deeper this time, his movements finally ringing with confidence. Luke smiled even as he opened his mouth wider into it, their tongues meeting, chests meeting, everything coming together.
Instinctively, he slid a hand down Noah’s chest to his stomach, twisting his fingers into the hem of his shirt. As it all intensified between them, Noah giving that little hum from the back of his throat, tightening his grip on Luke’s hair, Luke half-crawled into his lap, slipping both hands under the t-shirt now, laying them flat against hard muscle, warm skin. Noah pulled him in closer.
Luke sat back just enough to yank Noah’s shirt up and over his head. His focus went immediately back to Noah’s mouth... until he got a good look at his torso. “Jesus, Noah.” Those ‘ripped as all fuck’ muscles he remembered from the night sneaking into the fight club were there, but more purple-black bruises were splashed across that canvas. “Are you sure you’re-”
“It’s fine,” Noah spoke quickly, words clipped and nervous. “I don’t even feel it anymore. You don’t, Luke,” he drew Luke’s gaze back up to him. “You don’t have to look at it. At me, like this. It’s ugly and I’m... it’s not what I want you to see.”
Luke gently touched the worst of the bruises, the ones that looked kinda like a foot print. (Someone had kicked him, repeatedly.) Then he looked back up. “Baby, I want you to listen to me very carefully.”
“Okay,” he said warily.
“My eyes are open,” Luke told him, voice firm. “I’m seeing you. Yeah, this is a part of you and yeah, it sucks. But looking at you? I see more than that.” He dropped his voice lower. “And there’s very very very little of it that’s ugly.”
Noah stared at him for a moment, studying him with a very knowing gaze. “But?” he prompted.
Luke almost smiled. Oh, how well you know me. He settled a little more onto the couch. “We’re not going to have sex tonight.”
His eyes widened. “Okay,” Noah drew the word out, unsure.
“Not tonight,” Luke continued. “For one thing, your ribs look kinda, um, busted. And sorry, punctured lungs aren't sexy. And second... we need to make things right, really right, between us first. Sex was never just about sex for us, and I don’t want that to start now.”
Noah flinched hard, as though he’d been hit. It made Luke want to flinch too. “This isn’t because of, um, what I told you before, is it? About me sleeping with other-”
“No, baby, no,” he captured Noah’s face in both hands, kissing him quickly, reassuringly. “This isn’t punishment. This is... to be better, okay? If that makes sense? Because I know you’re still fighting against locking yourself away from me and everything,” the grimace Noah tried to hide told him he was right. “And I’m pretty sure you were using sex as that kind of escape too, right?”
“Maybe,” Noah mumbled, hesitant, uncomfortable.
Luke could relate, it wasn’t like he wanted to talk (or think) about Noah sleeping with other guys, but he wasn’t going to sweep it under the rug either. Because they were going to get this right. “When we’re together, like that, I don’t want to risk you going away,” he whispered.
Noah winced again. “I’m sorry.”
And Luke wanted to roll his eyes. “Hey. It’s not all your fault. I kinda fucked things up too, didn’t I? I never slept with Reid because he and I didn’t have that... that connection. I didn’t trust that part of me with him. But you and I? I trust you. I trust all of you, and I trust me with you.”
“You never slept with him?” Noah’s voice was small.
“I told you we hadn’t,” Luke reminded gently.
“But that was then, and...” Noah furrowed his brow, confused. “I figured, when you moved in with him, that that meant...”
“When I what?” it was Luke’s turn to be confused.
His face flushing pink, Noah tried to explain. “Last time I was at the hospital, I heard that you moved out of your mom’s house.”
And then Luke had to smile. Because of course, in this town and this crazy universe, that’s the news that Noah would hear. “Yeah, I moved out of Madness Mansion. Into my own place.” He softened his voice. “I got my own apartment.”
“You did?”
“Yeah,” he grinned then. “If I’m gonna think like an adult and demand to be treated like one, I have to start acting like one, right? And part of that is not pretending I’m still sixteen and should have all those things done for me.”
Noah smiled at him now, wide and proud. “And was it Lucinda or Holden who gave you that little speech?”
He glared good-naturedly. “Maybe a combination of the two,” he admitted. “But the point is,” he sat back on the couch, pulling Noah close to rest against him. “There’s stuff I have to work on too. And when we’re ready,” he propped his chin on Noah’s shoulder, raising his eyebrows. “I have a nice empty apartment for us to celebrate.
Noah tilted his head to the side, leaning it against Luke’s. “I thought about that,” he said quietly, more to himself than to Luke.
“About what?” Luke wrapped his arms around Noah’s middle and pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck.
Noah brought his hands up to clasp with Luke’s. “An apartment.”
“For you?” Luke frowned a little, confused. Noah and Alison seemed to work well as roommates, and he knew Noah didn’t exactly have a lot of money, he couldn’t see why Noah would want to-
“For us,” he corrected quietly. “I didn’t think about it a lot, didn’t let myself, I guess, but every once in awhile? Yeah. I thought about us getting back together, and moving in together, into a new place. And this time we’d make sure the refrigerator didn’t leak, and make sure the batteries in the smoke detectors were new, and we’d know where the circuit breaker is before the first blackout...” he trailed off.
“You thought about that stuff?” Luke kept the tremble out of his voice, he was pretty sure.
Noah nodded just a little, avoiding his gaze. “Sometimes. I usually tried to, to plan ahead for me, but...” he smiled. “But somehow you always showed up. Like I couldn’t imagine any of those things without you being a part of it too.”
Luke was pretty sure it was his whole chest, not just his heart, that started pounding. He slid one hand up to Noah’s cheek, turning his head to face him directly. “Sometimes I wonder just who you really are, Noah Mayer. And how we could go through all the things we’ve gone through, and you’d still be here.”
Noah struggled with how to answer that, then shrugged. “You met me at a very strange time in my life,” he said, still smiling. And then he leaned forward, and Luke moved to meet him. And when they kissed this time, it was like the world exploding around them.
THE END!
And per an old tradition o' mine, a thank you to the following people- in proper username!- for their (sometimes) crazy, (mostly) wonderful, and (always) appreciated comments throughout this story thus far:
atwtfan, babslovesmusic, bitrixbf, bonnie_halfelvn, brighton_girl, brisync, cindyls1969, crownroyal_51, dancingelf88, ekc1993, evl_bbw88, firelily, frances_veritas, gentleice, indigo_5, jackie_oh, jeri_1116, jessnic85, jess37777, karen_jk, kelly_ken, lety26, md1347, mdfawn, miss_smp, myalterego1, natashaodwalla, newhaven183, noelleleithe, pirl, rebelchic2788, rebop13, rosengirl, samson79, samurailatoya, sln188, sweetiejelly, the_beccaroo, tirpse, ultra_silence, valenti1965, willwork4dean
Author: carolinablu85
Chapter: 4/4
Characters: Noah, Luke, Alison
Rating: R for language and violence, A for angst
Spoilers: up through the June 23, 2010 episode, I make it up from there but borrow from canon a little bit
Summary: "I want you to hit me as hard as you can." Noah loses himself after losing Luke.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cell phone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
A/N: Based on a wonderful, beautiful prompt by natashaodwalla: "Fight Club." Who is incredibly awesome and wonderful and cheered me through the early stages of writing this. Thanks Tasha!!
A/N: I'm not sure how much I'll be posting in the next month- I'm attempting that crazy NaNo thing! :) But we'll see what happens
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |
CHAPTER FOUR
He was sitting in the dark. Alone. Even in his current state, Noah could appreciate a thematic atmosphere like that. It’d make a good closing shot for a film. Like that movie Ali had been watching the other day- “Happy endings are just stories that haven’t finished yet.” He couldn’t remember what the movie was. That probably wasn’t a good sign.
His head hurt. A lot. He probably shouldn’t have fought tonight, but he couldn’t help it. He had needed it. After what... after everything, he had needed it.
It had been awhile since he’d lost a fight, but law of averages said it had to happen at some point. Tonight’s hadn’t been fun (not that it every really was), but luckily he had remembered to tap out before the guy could break his face. Little victories, he guessed.
And now here he was, back at the apartment. Alone. In the dark. He couldn’t bring himself to laugh, but the thought did cross his mind. That was something. He shook his head a little, wincing at the motion. He felt sick, like he had swallowed a pint of his own blood.
His head really hurt. Every time he fought, every time he got hit in the head, a part of him worried he was going to go blind again. But then, part of him wondered if maybe that was why he still did it. To tempt fate. Or to punish himself. Or just to stop the life he’s living right now. Sure, he hated himself when he was blind, but at least he had someone else looking out for him.
Now he had nothing. And it was his own fault. Didn’t that mean he deserved to suffer the consequences?
Funny thing was, he had planned on quitting. The talk with Dallas and the dream later had gotten to him. His friend (Dallas was his friend? When had that happened?) was right- fighting wasn’t going to keep him going.
But he was also right that it was a drug, and Noah was an addict. And hearing through hospital gossip that Luke had moved out of Lily’s house (despite Ali’s best efforts to stop that news from getting to him) sent him spiraling back into the club. He needed the fix. Because Luke moving meant Luke was moving on.
If he could get himself to, Noah would probably feel ashamed of himself. Luke was moving on, being a grownup, while Noah was off in a corner throwing an elaborate temper tantrum. And if he could get himself to, he’d probably be angry at himself too, for still letting Luke affect him so much. But he couldn’t help it. What else did he have?
A knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts. At first he wanted to ignore it and hope it would go away- he was good at that- but another knock had him standing up moving almost instinctively. What is something had happened to Ali? Or what if Dallas had relapsed or something?
The second he stood he had to grab the back of the couch to steady himself. Whoa there. The world tilted for a moment, and he had that heady rush of altitude change, like a plane taking off. Or crashing. He wobbled his way to the door, rolling his eyes at the plane metaphor. Though, there was something to be said for being on autopilot...
He opened the door slowly, only half-looking to see who it was. Until he saw him.
Luke.
“Hey,” Luke waved a hand cautiously, his other hand grasping a large plastic bag. “Can, um, can I come in?”
We have just lost cabin pressure.
“Luke?” he had to make sure this wasn’t a figment of his imagination. A hallucination. Maybe he was actually in the hospital, in a coma, and this was a dream... Except been there, done that, Mayer.
“Yeah,” Luke didn’t seem to mind confirming it was real. “I’m sorry I just, just showed up like this. But-”
“Oh, yeah, come in,” he fumbled backwards, allowing Luke into the apartment, leading him towards the living room.
Luke frowned a little as Noah flipped on the light switch. “Were you sleeping?”
“Um, no, I-” he shifted on his feet a little, scared and completely thrown by what was going on. Why is he here? “I just got back. From-”
“Yeah,” Luke quietly interrupted him. “It’s Tuesday, isn’t it?” He smiled sadly at Noah, sitting down on the couch. “That’s why I’m here.”
“Why you’re here?” Noah repeated back.
Luke was still smiling, looking just as wary as Noah felt, and held up the plastic bag, pulling things out of it as he spoke. “I’ve got ice packs and bandages, ibuprofen, antiseptic stuff and whatever else I could find in Grandma’s medicine cabinet-”
“Luke...” Noah was more and more confused.
Luke continued like he hadn’t heard him, rambling now. “And I’ve got a bag of Reese’s Pieces, they’re still your favorite, right? I know they used to help whenever you were sick or cranky, so I figured maybe-”
“Luke,” Noah tried again.
“I hate this, Noah,” he stopped just that quickly, looking up at Noah with determination. “I hate it. I hate that no one takes care of you. I hate even more that I’m not taking care of you, and I...” he took a deep breath, his gaze never wavering. “I want that to change.”
“Y-you what?” Noah was frozen. This really was a messed-up dream, wasn’t it?
Luke tentatively patted the couch cushion next to him. “Sit with me? Please? I need to talk, to tell you some things.”
That autopilot was back in action, it was the only explanation, because a few seconds later Noah was sitting next to him. His hands were shaking. It felt like his brain was shaking. He eyed Luke, more and more freaked. This couldn’t mean what he thought (hoped) it did.
Luke picked up one of his hands, and they both started at the sensation. How long had it been since they had touched each other? Luke blinked, squeezing Noah’s hand, examining it. Then he pulled out some antiseptic wipes and a roll of bandages and gently started cleaning the cuts. “I was lying.”
Noah tensed. He wanted to pull his hand away from Luke, but he just couldn’t do it. “About what?”
“About me, mostly,” Luke shrugged one shoulder, his concentration still on Noah’s hand. “I never moved on, Noah. From us.”
“But you want to,” Noah murmured, wishing he could tear his eyes away from Luke, Luke’s hands, Luke’s hands on him.
“No,” Luke said forcefully. “I don’t want to. I thought I was supposed to. I had made that decision t-to not be with you, and I just got so stubborn and prideful about it.” He finished bandaging the one hand and switched over to the other. “I didn’t want to admit I made the wrong choice.”
“No one thought you made the wrong choice, Luke,” Noah protested. No one he knew, at least. Ali said what she could to try and make him feel better, but from what Noah had seen, nobody else really cared that he and Luke had broken up.
“Lots of people did,” Luke corrected, insisting. “But it was up to me to figure that out, and I ignored it for so long- too long. I looked more foolish playing make-believe like that instead of looking foolish going back on the decisions I’d made. I was trapped, yeah, but I trapped myself.”
Noah watched with wide eyes as he pulled out the ice pack in his bag, shaking it a little and then pressing it lightly to the side of Noah’s face. Still shocked, he let Luke pick up his hand again and guide it to hold the ice pack in place over a few bruises. “I don’t understand,” he said carefully. He was so not going to get his hopes up. Not this time.
Luke was still trying to smile, though his eyes were tracking over Noah’s face and arms, stopping at every cut and bruise along the way. “I’m sorry for the things I’ve been saying lately. I didn’t mean them. That we’re not right for each other? That Reid deserved that chance over you, after everything we’ve been to each other? That could never be true, Noah. I’m sorry I made it seem that way.” He chuckled a little, shaking his head. “I’ve been fighting with myself a lot lately. In my head. I think it was time to let the better half win.”
Noah couldn’t help it, he flinched a little at those words. It reminded him way too much of his dream the other night. Everything in him right now was telling him to pull away, to shut down, to get out of this before it got bad again. He closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. No.
“Hey,” Luke’s hand ran lightly through his hair, pulling him out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes to look into Luke’s worried ones. “You’ve been gone for too long, Noah. Don’t go away anymore, okay?”
He shuddered, biting his lip to keep control. This was unreal. This couldn’t be happening. I may not always like what Reid thinks or has to say, but at least he lets me know what’s going on his head! That’s what Luke had said at Java. And he owed Luke at least that much, right? “I was trapped too,” he whispered.
Luke’s hand stilled, resting on the back of his head. “What?”
“I’ve been, I don’t know, like this, and everything is... I don’t have a right to grieve because most of these problems are my fault. But I was mad at you too, and I couldn’t fight you. And I couldn’t get myself to fight for you. So I fought anyone who would take a swing at me. It helped,” he said with a shrug.
“It wasn’t all your fault,” Luke ducked his head a little to catch Noah’s eyes once more. “What happened between us this year? It wasn’t a breakup. It was a fuckup. We fucked up royally, Mayer. But... but we still love each other, right?”
“Right,” Noah found himself answering without thinking, without questioning, without worrying.
And Luke smiled, genuine and happy and relieved, and Noah wanted to keep that look around forever. “After everything, we still love each other. That kinda means something, doesn’t it? It means there’s every chance of us getting back what we had, maybe even better, and I want that to happen.” He dropped the bag of Reese’s Pieces into Noah’s lap. “I want for you to be happy again, to smile. To feel good. I want to help you find... you, I guess. And I think doing that will help me find me.”
Noah was silent for a moment, studying him. “This isn’t right,” he finally said, quieter than he intended.
Luke frowned. “What isn’t?”
Slowly, hands still shaking a little, he grabbed Luke’s, holding it the way he always used to. “This. You apologizing, and coming over here with this speech, and wanting to help me. You- it should be me. I should be wooing you back, notes and flowers and stuff.”
Luke broke into that giant beautiful grin, his free hand carding through Noah’s hair again. “Wooing me?” he echoed, just this side of teasing.
The warmth spreading across Noah’s face was such a foreign feeling, Noah almost didn’t know what it was. Then he realized he was blushing. “I should,” he insisted stubbornly. “I should have flowers or... or something.” He looked around as though the answer would be there. Finally, maybe desperate, he offered the Reese’s Pieces to him. “It’s all I have,” he mumbled.
Luke’s eyes lit up, his smile turning into something like Ethan’s (God, Noah missed Ethan)- sweet and silly and the purest of feelings- and he put his hand on Noah’s, curling their fingers together. “You have you,” he said softly. “That’s what I want.” And then he leaned in and pressed his mouth to Noah’s.
As far as kisses go, it wasn’t their most spectacular. The lightest touch of their lips together, hands linked, bodies barely grazing.
And it was so, so perfect.
Noah couldn’t help but melt into it, leaning forward into Luke’s chest to keep himself upright. He was shaking again. Part of his brain was screaming at him to get out, get himself away, protect himself. That this wouldn’t last, this would only kill him.
And then Luke was cradling his face with both hands, slowly parting Noah’s lips with a swipe of his tongue... and Noah shattered. That was the only way to describe how it felt. The noise he made was somewhere between a sigh and a sob, and he clutched at Luke’s shirt like it was a life vest. And it was. Noah didn’t want to drown. He didn’t want to let go.
“Easy, easy,” Luke murmured against his mouth, his own hands gentling along Noah’s face. “It’s okay,” he rested their foreheads together. Another quick kiss, just quick enough to leave Noah wanting more, and he pulled back again. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” Noah replied brokenly. “It’s not okay. I’m not okay. I’m sorry, Luke, I’m... I’m so messed up. I’m sorry-”
“Hey,” Luke drew his face up so they were eye-to-eye. It had been way too long since they were eye-to-eye on anything. “I know you’re sorry. And I’m sorry too, for my part. But if we keep fixating on that, we’re never going to fix it. I came over here tonight to starting fixing things.”
Noah relaxed a little, smoothing his hands over Luke’s shirt where he had been grabbing it, trying idly to get rid of the wrinkles. “I’m, uh...” he offered a weak upturn of his lips, tilting his head a little. “I’m going to need help. With that.”
Luke smiled happily, looking relieved. “I’m going to need to be the one to help you. So you better be okay with that.”
He smiled too, feeling it stretch the muscles on his face he hadn’t used in what felt like years. He was really smiling. “Yeah, yeah I am.” He leaned in close, and Luke moved in to meet him for another kiss. “I’m not going to go back,” he said, once they parted. “On Friday.”
Luke knew what he was trying to say. “Good.” It was one word, but he put everything into it. And then smirked a little, his eyes flashing mischievously, in that way that made Noah’s heart beat insanely fast. “Because I broke up with Reid not too long ago and if he’s still going I’m sure he’d love the chance to fight right now.”
Noah couldn’t help but frown, narrow his eyes a little. “I don’t care. And I could beat him again if I wanted to,” he grumbled.
“Again?!” Luke pulled back some, eyes wide. “What the hell does that mean? Did you two-”
Instead of answering, instead of letting Luke finish the question, Noah found a way to distract him. Found the best way to distract him. Part of him was scared; it had been so long, he wasn’t sure if he'd know how to kiss Luke anymore. But it turned out that being with Luke Snyder was one thing his body would never forget how to do.
He brought his hands up to frame Luke’s face, both of them leaning back to rest against the couch cushions. Luke chuckled when he finally stopped to catch his breath. “I’m well aware that that was a ploy,” he said lightly, his fingers twisting and twirling Noah’s hair. Another wall inside Noah crumbled away at that feeling. “But right now I think I’m okay with that.”
“So I can, um,” Noah ducked his head, feeling ridiculous, but feeling like he had to ask. “I can do it again?”
Luke stared at him like he’d just said the dumbest thing in the world (Noah remembered that look, and maybe another wall started to crack and tumble down), before wrapping his arms around Noah’s neck. “Oh, God yes.”
************
Ali was worried for a second when she stepped inside the apartment, because the living room light was on. Noah never left a light on. When he was home, he was usually hidden away in his own room, never where Ali could see him. And with the way he had been lately, she was within her right to assume something might be wrong right now.
She hurried into the living room, about to yell out his name, when she saw them on the couch. She skidded to a halt, barely catching the wall next to her for support. “Oh thank God,” she couldn’t help but sigh out loud.
They were together. On the couch. Noah, with Luke. Luke and Noah. Together. Oh thank God. Both were asleep sitting up, Luke curled around Noah’s side, arms wrapped around him, head against his chest. Noah’s head was resting against the back of the couch, tilted a little into Luke’s body.
He had new bruises on his face, she realized with a frown. And a scrape or two. But she could also see bandages around his hands, a band-covering a cut on his temple. The coffee table was littered with ice packs and band-aid wrappers and an empty bag of Reese’s Pieces. She put a hand to her forehead, trying to calm herself down. Noah was going to get better now. He had to.
“Alison?” a voice murmured groggily.
She looked up at the couch again. Luke was twisting around, eyeing her cautiously. She let out a quiet sigh, smiling slightly, waving. “Hey,” she whispered.
Luke smiled back, looking a little embarrassed, and carefully pulled himself away from Noah. He froze when Noah shifted a little, but a soft kiss to his forehead kept him from waking up. (Another thank God moment, Ali noted. Noah never got enough sleep. He was way too ‘up at the crack of dawn’ in her opinion.) “Kitchen?” Luke suggested quietly.
“Kitchen,” she agreed, just as quiet. She led the way into the other room, making sure to dim the living room lights on her way out. The second they were clear, she whipped around, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well?”
Luke chewed at his lower lip for a second before answering. “We’re working things out. I mean, I’m pretty sure we’re getting back together. I just... I don’t want him to hurt anymore. And I hurt without him, so...”
She nodded, trying to keep her face stern and not jump for joy or squeal like a teenager. “It’s about damn time you did something. Casey was two days away from hunting you down and kicking your ass into gear.”
He chuckled softtly, rubbing the side of his face. “And what about you?”
She smiled some then. “Less than two days.”
The tension that she didn’t want to admit had been there was slowly easing away. The logical part of her brain knew their breakup had been full of mistakes on both sides, but having a front row seat to Noah’s suffering all this summer had left Ali a little angry on his behalf. And the fact that Noah just couldn’t seem to understand how much she cared, and why she cared, had been as upsetting as anything else. She had wanted to blame Luke for that, for Noah feeling that way.
She leaned back against the cabinets. “You know what’s going on, whatever it is, don’t you? Why he has all those bruises and stuff?”
Luke regarded her seriously. “Yeah. I do.”
“Okay,” she nodded. “I don’t need to know everything, that’s fine. As long as I can know it’s over. That he’s...” she trailed off.
Luke got it though. “It’s over,” he promised. “He told me it was, and I’m going to make sure it stays that way.”
The way he said it reminded her so much of Noah last year, swearing he would make sure Luke didn’t drink ever again. She couldn’t help but smile. They loved each other. To a ridiculous degree. She was beyond grateful that that hadn’t- couldn’t- change. “Good,” she nodded.
Luke glanced back towards the living room. “He doesn’t have much in his system right now besides water and ibuprofen, but he’s pretty tired. I want him to sleep as much as possible, but after that-”
Ali held up a hand. “Hey, whatever you want to do is fine with me. I’m just grabbing a change of clothes and then I’m heading out, okay?”
He smiled brightly now, a smile she hadn’t seen on him in months. It made her a little sad even as she couldn’t help but smile back. Luke had been suffering too. Thank God that was going to change now. “Okay,” he replied. “Well then, um, I guess we’ll be here?”
“Good to know.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek quickly, heading to her bedroom. “Give me five minutes to get out of your way. I’ll be sure to tell Casey the good news, although...” she winked at him. “I think he was looking forward to kicking your ass.”
Luke smirked back. “Let him try.” Another glance into the living room. “He knows where to find me now. I’ll be here.”
************
He couldn’t get back to sleep after Alison left, so instead he settled onto the couch, easing down next to Noah again, studying him. Noah was curled in on himself a little, arms held in close to his body, face still and calm. So beautiful, and yet so scary. It reminded Luke just a little too much of the way Noah had been acting lately, and he shuddered.
Luke lightly traced the outline of Noah’s bruised jaw with his fingertips. He couldn’t imagine life like that, where the only thing you let yourself feel was physical pain. Where the only human contact you let yourself have (no friends, no family, no boyfriend) was a twice-a-week opportunity for someone to beat the shit out of you.
Noah shifted under his touch, eyes fluttering a few times before opening fully. He tensed for a second when he realized someone was close to him, relaxing once he recognized Luke. Another thing that scared him. Noah was fighting a lot of instincts to hide away right now. There wasn’t going to be some magical cure, for either of them.
For just a moment, it seemed like a daunting amount of work, to get them back on stable ground again. They could both crash and burn at any moment. But then Noah reached out and carefully took his hand, the hand wearing the watch. Worth the wait. And god, Noah- and Noah and him together- was worth more than a wait. They could do this.
“Hey,” he said softly, squeezing their hands together.
“Hey,” Noah said back, smiling crookedly.
Luke leaned in and kissed him, just enough to get a taste. “How’re you feeling?”
Noah shrugged, still rubbing his fingers along Luke’s. “Okay.”
“Oh please,” he snorted. “I’m calling bullshit on that. There’s no way you can be feeling good right now.”
Noah raised one eyebrow, and that combined with his half-smile had Luke dancing on the inside. There he is. “I don’t know, part of me feels really really good right now.”
“Really?” Luke drew the word out slowly with a sly grin of his own. He crept in closer, nudging Noah’s knee with his.
Noah just nodded. Almost tentative at first, he reached out his free hand and brushed the hair back from Luke’s forehead, trailing down to cup the side of his face. His skin was somehow soft and perfect, even covered in bandages and scrapes. Luke leaned into the touch, keeping quiet for now. Letting Noah get whatever he needed.
What Noah needed, apparently, was Luke. His hand slid around to the back of Luke’s hand and pulled him in for another kiss, deeper this time, his movements finally ringing with confidence. Luke smiled even as he opened his mouth wider into it, their tongues meeting, chests meeting, everything coming together.
Instinctively, he slid a hand down Noah’s chest to his stomach, twisting his fingers into the hem of his shirt. As it all intensified between them, Noah giving that little hum from the back of his throat, tightening his grip on Luke’s hair, Luke half-crawled into his lap, slipping both hands under the t-shirt now, laying them flat against hard muscle, warm skin. Noah pulled him in closer.
Luke sat back just enough to yank Noah’s shirt up and over his head. His focus went immediately back to Noah’s mouth... until he got a good look at his torso. “Jesus, Noah.” Those ‘ripped as all fuck’ muscles he remembered from the night sneaking into the fight club were there, but more purple-black bruises were splashed across that canvas. “Are you sure you’re-”
“It’s fine,” Noah spoke quickly, words clipped and nervous. “I don’t even feel it anymore. You don’t, Luke,” he drew Luke’s gaze back up to him. “You don’t have to look at it. At me, like this. It’s ugly and I’m... it’s not what I want you to see.”
Luke gently touched the worst of the bruises, the ones that looked kinda like a foot print. (Someone had kicked him, repeatedly.) Then he looked back up. “Baby, I want you to listen to me very carefully.”
“Okay,” he said warily.
“My eyes are open,” Luke told him, voice firm. “I’m seeing you. Yeah, this is a part of you and yeah, it sucks. But looking at you? I see more than that.” He dropped his voice lower. “And there’s very very very little of it that’s ugly.”
Noah stared at him for a moment, studying him with a very knowing gaze. “But?” he prompted.
Luke almost smiled. Oh, how well you know me. He settled a little more onto the couch. “We’re not going to have sex tonight.”
His eyes widened. “Okay,” Noah drew the word out, unsure.
“Not tonight,” Luke continued. “For one thing, your ribs look kinda, um, busted. And sorry, punctured lungs aren't sexy. And second... we need to make things right, really right, between us first. Sex was never just about sex for us, and I don’t want that to start now.”
Noah flinched hard, as though he’d been hit. It made Luke want to flinch too. “This isn’t because of, um, what I told you before, is it? About me sleeping with other-”
“No, baby, no,” he captured Noah’s face in both hands, kissing him quickly, reassuringly. “This isn’t punishment. This is... to be better, okay? If that makes sense? Because I know you’re still fighting against locking yourself away from me and everything,” the grimace Noah tried to hide told him he was right. “And I’m pretty sure you were using sex as that kind of escape too, right?”
“Maybe,” Noah mumbled, hesitant, uncomfortable.
Luke could relate, it wasn’t like he wanted to talk (or think) about Noah sleeping with other guys, but he wasn’t going to sweep it under the rug either. Because they were going to get this right. “When we’re together, like that, I don’t want to risk you going away,” he whispered.
Noah winced again. “I’m sorry.”
And Luke wanted to roll his eyes. “Hey. It’s not all your fault. I kinda fucked things up too, didn’t I? I never slept with Reid because he and I didn’t have that... that connection. I didn’t trust that part of me with him. But you and I? I trust you. I trust all of you, and I trust me with you.”
“You never slept with him?” Noah’s voice was small.
“I told you we hadn’t,” Luke reminded gently.
“But that was then, and...” Noah furrowed his brow, confused. “I figured, when you moved in with him, that that meant...”
“When I what?” it was Luke’s turn to be confused.
His face flushing pink, Noah tried to explain. “Last time I was at the hospital, I heard that you moved out of your mom’s house.”
And then Luke had to smile. Because of course, in this town and this crazy universe, that’s the news that Noah would hear. “Yeah, I moved out of Madness Mansion. Into my own place.” He softened his voice. “I got my own apartment.”
“You did?”
“Yeah,” he grinned then. “If I’m gonna think like an adult and demand to be treated like one, I have to start acting like one, right? And part of that is not pretending I’m still sixteen and should have all those things done for me.”
Noah smiled at him now, wide and proud. “And was it Lucinda or Holden who gave you that little speech?”
He glared good-naturedly. “Maybe a combination of the two,” he admitted. “But the point is,” he sat back on the couch, pulling Noah close to rest against him. “There’s stuff I have to work on too. And when we’re ready,” he propped his chin on Noah’s shoulder, raising his eyebrows. “I have a nice empty apartment for us to celebrate.
Noah tilted his head to the side, leaning it against Luke’s. “I thought about that,” he said quietly, more to himself than to Luke.
“About what?” Luke wrapped his arms around Noah’s middle and pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck.
Noah brought his hands up to clasp with Luke’s. “An apartment.”
“For you?” Luke frowned a little, confused. Noah and Alison seemed to work well as roommates, and he knew Noah didn’t exactly have a lot of money, he couldn’t see why Noah would want to-
“For us,” he corrected quietly. “I didn’t think about it a lot, didn’t let myself, I guess, but every once in awhile? Yeah. I thought about us getting back together, and moving in together, into a new place. And this time we’d make sure the refrigerator didn’t leak, and make sure the batteries in the smoke detectors were new, and we’d know where the circuit breaker is before the first blackout...” he trailed off.
“You thought about that stuff?” Luke kept the tremble out of his voice, he was pretty sure.
Noah nodded just a little, avoiding his gaze. “Sometimes. I usually tried to, to plan ahead for me, but...” he smiled. “But somehow you always showed up. Like I couldn’t imagine any of those things without you being a part of it too.”
Luke was pretty sure it was his whole chest, not just his heart, that started pounding. He slid one hand up to Noah’s cheek, turning his head to face him directly. “Sometimes I wonder just who you really are, Noah Mayer. And how we could go through all the things we’ve gone through, and you’d still be here.”
Noah struggled with how to answer that, then shrugged. “You met me at a very strange time in my life,” he said, still smiling. And then he leaned forward, and Luke moved to meet him. And when they kissed this time, it was like the world exploding around them.
THE END!
And per an old tradition o' mine, a thank you to the following people- in proper username!- for their (sometimes) crazy, (mostly) wonderful, and (always) appreciated comments throughout this story thus far:
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