FIC: NOAH'S UNCONTROLLABLE CHRISTMAS
Title: Noah’s Uncontrollable Christmas
Author: carolinablu85
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Luke/Noah, Alison, Casey, Ameera, Maddie, Hunter, Aaron, other Snyders, other assorted characters
Word Count: 6,205
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Less than nothing. I own negative nothing. Also, no one gets kidnapped.
Warnings: Is it possible to combine angst with crack!fic? We’re all about to find out!
Summary: Friends and magic come together to help someone find their missing Christmas Spirit.
A/N: Based blatantly/obviously off the “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas” episode of Community (which you can/should watch HERE!), though there’s no way I could come close to the genius of that. Or those songs. But here’s a little Nukified version! Oh, and a special shoutout to dazzling_icer for her combined ATWT/Community cheerleading, the best cheerleader a person could ask for :)
Ali was seriously reconsidering her decision to give Casey control of the stereo. Sure, he was at least playing Christmas music while they decorated, but if she had to hear “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” one more time...
Like a Christmas miracle, her cell phone rang, interrupting Casey’s third rendition of the damn song. She grabbed it, taking the opportunity to mute the stereo with a sigh of relief. “Hello?” she answered, ignoring Casey’s pout from where he stood on the stepstool, hanging the last of the ornaments.
“Hi, Alison?” a voice spoke up tentatively.
She smiled. “Ameera! Hi!” She waved frantically for her fiancé to come closer, even as Casey took a running leap off the stool and landed with a thump! next to her. “Thanks for calling me back.”
“Sure, no problem. You sounded kinda... it sounded important?” Ameera had a tone like she knew exactly why Ali was calling and was dreading the topic.
She went ahead with it anyway. “Yeah. Casey and I- we haven’t heard from Noah in like a week. We don’t know if he’s coming out to Illinois for the holiday or...” she trailed off.
Ameera gave a sigh of her own, though definitely not in relief. “Alison, he’s, um...”
Casey pulled the phone out of Alison’s hand, turning on the speakerphone. “Ameera, just spit it out. We’re worried. What emo shit has the kid gotten himself into now?”
Ameera laughed a little at that. “I’m worried too,” she admitted then. “He’s not celebrating the holidays at all. He spends all his time either editing his film or working or shut up in his apartment. He’s barely even returning phone calls now.”
“He’s hiding,” Ali murmured.
Casey shut his eyes for a second, slowing down his pacing to a standstill. “Did L- did the Snyders invite him to Oakdale?”
“I don’t know,” Ameera answered quietly. “I’m slightly afraid to ask.”
He groaned. “God, this stupid ‘just friends’ thing he and Luke have going on is just... it’s stupid, is what it is. They’re, like, more than friends and nothing at the same time. It’s hurting them both.”
Ali was rubbing his back without even realizing it, wanting the contact. “Luke hasn’t really been a social butterfly lately either,” she mentioned.
“Which is why I’m glad you called,” Ameera said. “We need to do something about all this. I just have no idea what.”
************
Noah gave the most epic groan he could manage as he made his way inside the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him half-heartedly, not enough energy to turn and see if it closed properly.
He dropped his bag onto the couch, his coat onto the desk chair, his shoes kicked off into a corner as he moved. His head was stuffed and heavy, vision blurry around the edges, his throat and nose feeling raw and scratchy.
All in all, he felt like shit.
And if he saw one more candy cane or fake snowman or one more goddamn berry of holly, he was going to snap. He just wanted to go to sleep and wake up after Christmas. Better yet, wake up in like four years. Life had to work itself out by then, right?
It was just the holidays that were making him feel this way. And the (slight) change in temperature that got him sick. It had nothing to do with...
He just missed some things, is all. He missed having something to look forward to for Christmas, a house to go to, a home-cooked meal to eat, a bunch of people being loud and crazy and asking a million questions at the same time, patting him on the back, wanting him there, making him laugh, giving him-
He shook his head at himself. Things change, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time. He was Luke’s friend now, not his- not anything more. They were finally at a place where they could talk to each other regularly, about silly stupid stuff, and Noah didn’t want to die every time they were about to hang up. They were finally at a place where he felt he could call Luke if he needed him, and he knew the reverse was true as well.
He should just appreciate what he had, right? Never mind the fact that he felt like calling Luke all the time, because he needed him all the time. No. That was ridiculous. That was pathetic.
He shrugged out of his shirt, suddenly feeling overheated and clammy. He hated getting sick. It didn’t happen that often, but when it did it always felt like a seventeen billion-ton whale had just flopped down on top of him. He hated it.
He did his best demonstration of ‘trudging’ as he got into his bedroom, keeping his eyes mostly-closed (he was still pretty good at moving around with his other senses), ignoring the stack of mail on his side table, his cell phone next to it with its little flashing envelope icon. Ignoring the muffled voice in his brain telling him to man up and stop wallowing.
But he was nothing if not good at ignoring stuff. So instead he dropped onto his bed with another groan, not even bothering to get under the covers. It was hot in here anyway, he didn’t need the comforter. Instead he fumbled around until his hand found the bottle of cold medicine he’d finally wussed out and bought yesterday.
He unscrewed the cap, still not entirely sure if it was ‘daytime’ or ‘nighttime’ or whatever time it was now. Not bothering with the little measuring cup, he chugged straight from the bottle, gulping down the medicine until he couldn’t stand the taste, then dropping his head back to the pillow.
Right now, he would be fine with just being able to sleep through the night.
************
But, of course, no such luck. A weird sound worked its way into his brain, bringing him out of his foggy sleep. Sleigh bells. Why the hell was he hearing sleigh bells?
He pried his eyes open slowly, also wondering why he wasn’t hot anymore, why it felt like he wasn’t in his bed anymore. And when his eyes opened slowly and he got a good look of what was around him, he started to edge closer and closer to panic.
Well, it’s about time you had that complete psychotic breakdown, Mayer, he told himself.
That’s what this had to be. Because he was no longer in his room, in his apartment, in Los Angeles. He was standing on a hillside, one that was dotted with bright green pine trees and pure, white snow. It was like a cartoon world. But a familiar one, a world he couldn’t quite figure out how he recognized. The sleigh bells he could still hear were chiming in time with the falling snow.
He took a few steps, confused and getting even closer to panic, when he finally looked down at himself. What?! And then he realized where he knew this scene from. It was like the old stop-motion animation movies he’d watched as a kid- the Rankin/Bass specials, with Rudolph and the Misfit Toys and all those characters. The world around him now, everything, even Noah himself, were claymation.
How much of that cold medicine did I drink?
“This is a dream,” he told himself. He had to say it. How else was he going to keep his sanity? “It’s a dream. It’s a dream.” He looked around again at the storybook-like setting and wanted to roll his eyes. Of course. This wasn’t real. Nothing like this existed.
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.”
Noah whirled around at the voice, hands half-raised as though to fight off an attack. Which was stupid, because he recognized the voice even before he was turned around. “Casey, what the heck is g-”
He stopped short. Because his friends were all there. Well, they were his friends, and they weren’t. It was more like Christmas-toy versions of his friends to go along with this crazy-ass world.
There was Casey, but as a teddy bear. Ali was next to him, looking like one of those Bratz dolls Natalie and Faith used to play with. Ameera was a half-step behind them, dressed up like a princess. And Hunter was there, made up as a robot, next to Maddie who was, of course, a Madeline doll. And rounding out the group was Aaron, looking like a Captain America action figure.
Noah stared at them, shaking his head. When he woke up, he was so throwing away that bottle of cold medicine. Maybe it had been expired? Or maybe he had finally gone crazy?
“You’re not crazy, hon,” Ameera stepped up close to him, her hand on his arm. Her claymation hand on his claymation arm. He stared back at her, disbelieving. She just smiled. “We’re all here to help you.”
“H-help me what?” he asked, looking at all of them.
“Find the meaning of Christmas!” Maddie piped up.
He directed his next disbelieving look over to her. “What?”
The Casey Bear waddled forward, squeaking with each step. “It’s Christmas, Noah. You should be happy. You should be with friends, with us, with family. Most importantly, you should know it’s okay to want to be with us.”
Noah took a step away from them all. “That’s what this is about? I’m, I’m busy this week. I have shifts to work, and my film to edit, and-” He shook his head. “I’m fine. This is crazy. Like, really really crazy. Like, certifiable. Straight jacket. Padded walls. Cuckoo’s nest.”
“Noah, buddy,” Aaron offered up a patented passed-down-from-Holden-Snyder-smile. It almost hurt to see it. “You’re not fine. You need some Christmas Spirit, and we’re gonna give it to you whether you like it or not.”
“You’ve lost your way,” Ali chimed in.
“So we’re here to help!” Hunter added.
Noah shook his head again. (His clay head, he remembered again.) “I don’t need-”
“It’s not about need,” Ameera sternly interrupted. “It’s about Christmas, dear. You’re not supposed to be alone.”
Casey grinned. “Also, it’s kinda the rule here- you’re not leaving this world till you find the meaning of Christmas. No compromises there.”
“Leave this world?” Noah repeated. “You mean, wake up?”
“If that’s how you want to see it,” Casey Bear shrugged back at him. “Either way, until you get some serious happy in you, we’re not letting you leave.”
“Technically speaking, ‘serious happy’ is an oxymoron-” the HunterBot was silenced by Maddie smacking his arm.
Noah looked at each of them in turn, somewhere between wanting to laugh hysterically and wanting to cry. Why couldn’t he sleep like a normal person? “I- I’m not...” He sighed, recognizing the stubborn, I-dare-you-to-argue looks on his friends’ faces. “Fine,” he expelled the word slowly. “How do I do this?”
As soon as he said the words, a path suddenly appeared beneath his feet, leading out and down the animated countryside, lined with giant gum drops and chocolate chips. Seriously? Noah wanted to complain. He kept silent though, afraid that Maddie would smack him too.
“Well,” Ameera linked her arm through his, pulling him close, starting to walk down the path. “First thing in finding the meaning of Christmas is to start at the beginning. So our first stop will be the Cave of Frozen Memories.”
Noah wanted to roll his eyes at that too, but the rest of his friends surrounded him, urging him forward. He glanced around one last time, hoping to find the doorway back to his bed, but there was nothing. Just a snowman lurking in the background, its scarf artfully arranged and flapping in the breeze. Before he could contemplate that further, his friends led him away. Towards the Cave.
~~~~~~
It really was a cave, Noah was surprised to see. Blocks of ice, shining and twinkling like magic, rising up from the ground and hanging down from the top of the cave. Noah was half-expecting to see the Abominable Snowman roaming around, ready to burst into song.
“Well, here we are!” Ali gestured wide as the group entered.
“Okay. Now what?” Noah asked, anxious to get this whole dream over with.
“This is a place of memories, bud,” Aaron explained. “So, duh, let’s find your Christmas memories.”
Noah frowned. “Where? How?”
This time Maddie grabbed his hand, pulling him over to a stalagmite (stalactite? Noah could never keep that straight) made of ice, peering into it. “Look, Noah. What do you see?”
He bit his lip, telling himself to just go with it, play along. He leaned in close to the ice, trying to see whatever his friends wanted him to see. For a few seconds, there was nothing. But then the ice started to glow from within, and all of a sudden an image appeared in the ice.
Noah frowned, moving closer. No way...
It was him. Seven-year-old him, sitting cross-legged on the floor of yet another nondescript living room in yet another nondescript army base house. He was holding a stuffed animal dog in his lap, watching the television with rapt attention. The Christmas tree behind him was perfectly decorated, perfectly proportioned, perfectly fake and boring. It didn’t even smell like a tree. Noah remembered always hating that.
“Is that you?” Ameera asked. Noah just nodded.
“Where’s your dad?” Maddie asked softly.
He shrugged. “Not home yet.” The reason he knew that was because he was hugging the stuffed animal. He knew better than to do that when the Colonel was home- he was too old to ‘play with dolls and whatnot.’ He remembered thinking that the dog (he had named it Opie) wasn’t a doll or a whatnot, but that hadn’t mattered to the Colonel. Rules are rules for a reason, and my rules are not to be broken, young man!
“Why this memory, Noah?” Casey came up next to him.
He couldn’t help but shrug again. “Because it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter which Christmas, they were all the same. He would be gone before I woke up in the morning, he always volunteered to work on base so other officers could spend time with their f-” he cut himself off before he revealed too much. “I’d pretty much just watch movies all day. He’d come back sometime after dinner, we’d open our presents, then I’d go to bed.”
Sure enough, there was movement in the little scene, the tinny sound of a door opening and closing. Little-Animated-Noah hurriedly shoved the stuff animal away, hiding it under the couch where he could grab it later before bed. There was the clomp of heavy footsteps, and then the Colonel was there.
“That’s your dad?” Hunter whispered. “He looks like the Heat Miser.”
Sure enough, the cartoon-version of Winston Mayer looked eerily like the old claymation villain. Fitting, in a way. But Noah knew what was coming next, and he’d embarrassed himself enough for one night. He put his hand on the ice, wiping away the scene, hiding it from the others. “So, that’s why we came here? So I could remember the crappy holidays of my past? This isn’t exactly The Christmas Carol, guys.”
“Well, you ain’t exactly Ebenezer,” Maddie shot back. “Are these really the first memories you think of when you think of Christmas?”
Noah hesitated. She had him there. “No,” he admitted.
“And what is?” she prompted.
“It... it wouldn’t be here,” he argued. He didn’t know how to say it, how to tell them that his real Christmas memories wouldn’t be in some cold, dark cave. He definitely wouldn’t keep them in the same place as his- as the Colonel. No way.
Captain Aaron America gestured back toward the cave opening. “Okay then. Let’s go find it.”
Noah groaned. “Can’t you just let me wake up now?”
A soft, furry arm wrapped around his shoulders. “Sorry, bro. It looks like you’re stuck in a magical, happy world with all your friends. I know that really must suck.”
Noah glared. “Casey. I will punch the stuffing out of you.”
Casey just laughed. “You can’t punch me. I’m a teddy bear! It’s Christmas! That’s, like, against all laws of man and nature.”
Ameera shushed them both with a look. “Well, let’s head on back down Gumdrop Lane and find these real memories, Noah. Something tells me you need to see them just as much as we do.”
Noah wanted to point out that nobody needed to see them, but he also knew that- animated dream world or not- there was no arguing with Ameera Ali-Aziz. So he allowed Casey and Maddie to drag him along behind the rest of his friends, out of the cave and back out into the winter wonderland of snowflakes and sleigh bells.
Noah really wanted to wake up. Or punch the teddy bear.
The group traveled down the lane, coming up to the top of a hill that overlooked... Oh. He should have known.
“Looks familiar,” Aaron murmured kindly.
Noah could only nod, unable to look at any of them. Because there was the setting of his favorite- his only real- Christmas memories. The Snyders’ farm. Of course it was made up into claymation like everything else, looking like the most perfect gingerbread house and gingerbread barn ever created.
Noah was drawn forward almost against his will, suddenly needing to be close to it, to anyone that might be inside. He made it to the graham-cracker-porch, peeking in through a window.
And there was Snyder kitchen, all decorated like Emma always did- holly and garland and candles and poinsettias. He couldn’t actually tell, but somehow Noah knew it smelled like sugar cookies in there. And Emma was there, all the Snyders were (cartooned, of course). Lily and Holden sat at the table, arms around each other and playing with baby Ethan (he wasn’t a baby anymore, was he? Noah had to remind himself of that all the time). Natalie and Faith were running around, chasing each other, giggling. Jack stood near the sink, stealing cookies whenever Emma wasn’t looking.
Noah could only stare. He definitely couldn’t tear his eyes away. This was what he thought of when he thought of Christmas.
“These were your real Christmases, weren’t they?” Ali asked as the rest of his friends joined him by the window.
He nodded. “I still think of them as my family,” he half-whispered, wondering if claymation characters could blush (probably with perfectly rosy cheeks).
“We are, buddy,” Aaron insisted. “We still are. We think of you the same way.”
Noah shrugged, watching as Emma sat some milk and cookies on the table in front of the kids. “Maybe.”
“You don’t believe me?” Aaron asked.
“It’s not that, Aaron. It’s just...” he waved a hand around. “It’s this.”
“What’s this?”
He stopped himself from sighing. “This is what it’s like for me. What it’s always been like for me, even with your family. On the outside... looking in,” he finished, rolling his eyes at his own lameness.
“You’re not going to make it easier by staying in a whole other state,” Princess Ameera pointed out. “Why don’t you want to go to Oakdale for Christmas?”
“It doesn’t matter, ’Meera!” he was probably whining, but he didn’t care. “It’s just a day. What makes it any more special than the day before it or the day after? What does it matter if I’m there or not?” With difficulty, he shoved himself away from the window and away from the Snyders, away from Emma’s cookies and Lily’s hugs and Ethan’s constant invitation to play with his toys.
The others trailed after him as he headed back to the lane. Except Hunter, who peeked into the window one more time. “Hey,” he said, confused. “Where’s L-?”
Ali elbowed him quickly. “Hush. Not now,” she murmured.
They made it back to Gumdrop Lane before Noah turned to face his friends again. “Okay, now what? Now where are we going? The Island of Misfit Toys? The Canyon of Childhood Trauma?”
“Hey,” Maddie-Doll crossed her arms sternly. “Mock all you want, but this is for your own good. We’re here because we love you, honey.”
“You’re here because I didn’t measure out the cough syrup before I swallowed it,” he grumbled.
“Either way!” Casey jumped in, all cheery and gumdrop-y. “You’re here now! And our next stop is the North Pole- if you can’t find the meaning of Christmas there, then I guess we’re all gonna be stuck in this world forever!”
Well, Noah knew he definitely didn’t want that. “So how do we get to the North Pole?”
They all looked at him like he was crazy. “The Polar Express, duh!” Casey’s tone was half-exasperated and half-excited.
Noah was back to wanting to punch him.
~~~~~~
“It’s not exactly what I had imagined,” he said to Maddie as she sat down next to him.
“What? It’s the Polar Express!” she grinned, gesturing around.
“It’s supposed to be a train, Madds. This is a pick-up truck,” he muttered.
She shrugged. “Hey, it’s your brain. Quit your grumbling, Ebenezer.”
“If it was my brain I should be able to wake up when I want!” he argued.
“You know what a good first step to doing that would be?” she fired right back. “Admit you want to celebrate the holidays. Admit you want-”
“Maddie,” he tried to warn.
She barreled on past him. “Admit you want to celebrate with people. Admit that you don’t want to be alone, that you want to be with the people you lo-”
“Maddie!” he snapped. “Leave it alone. It’s a just a day. Nothing special.” Quieter, he insisted, “I don’t care about it.”
She just looked back at him sadly, disappointed. “And that’s exactly why we’re here.”
~~~~~~
“Here we are!” There was another squeak sound as Casey jumped out of the truck and landed in the snow. “And according to my watch it’s a little after 11pm Eastern Candy Time, so we need to get a move on.”
A warning look from Ameera kept him from making a comment about Casey’s time measurement, so instead Noah looked out past his friends to the sign post behind to them, which was conveniently labeled ‘Santa’s Workshop, North Pole.’ He wisely kept his comments to himself this time.
“So, the meaning of Christmas is here, right?” Noah asked his friends. “If I find it, I can go back to a three dimensional world?”
“I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?” Ameera gave him a shove towards the sign.
He approached it almost warily. “How come there isn’t, like, an actual workshop? I don’t see a building anywhere.”
The others sighed dramatically. “There was a gingerbread house, but the Grinch ate it,” Hunter explained. “We can’t get that guy to stop eating.”
Noah frowned, not wanting to know who in his life would be the Grinch, and moved back to the issue at hand. “Okay. So. What exactly does the meaning of Christmas look like?”
“Noah, what have we been saying all along?” Maddie smiled sweetly. “This is your brain. So it’s going to be something that has meaning to you. You’ll know it when you see it.” The others nodded helpfully.
Noah’s frown deepened. “Well, if this is my brain, then I should be in some sort of control. So I should be able to just point and say the meaning of Christmas is right... there!” He pointed in a random direction, and everyone turned towards it.
Sure enough, there was a perfectly wrapped Christmas present sitting in the snow, wrapping paper shining, bow on top. Noah stepped closer to the box, just close enough to read the tag next to the bow- ‘The Meaning Of Christmas.’ There we go.
“Yeah, I’d guess that’s probably it,” Aaron said wryly.
Noah stuck his tongue out at him before turning back to the box. Thank God. He could open this and then hopefully wake up. Kneeling down, he unwrapped it slowly, curious despite himself. He could feel his friends crowding around, looking over his shoulder as he opened the box. Finally, still kneeling in the snow, he lifted the lid and looked inside.
And froze.
“Oh, Noah...” Ameera murmured sadly. He couldn’t answer.
“I don’t get it,” Hunter whispered. “What’s so special about a necktie?”
Alison shushed him again. “I’ll explain later.”
“Noah.” Casey was now kneeling down next to him. “When was the last time you talked to Luke?”
He tried to shrug, but he was still frozen, staring at the tie in his hand. “A little while ago. He’s doing well. Foundation got a new donor. He’s teaching Ethan how to play basketball.” He mumbled all this, finding it hard to talk for some reason. It was getting really cold out here.
“Did you two talk about... well, you two?” Casey asked gently.
He didn’t answer, which was answer enough.
“Sweetie, is this why you don’t want to do anything for the holidays?” Ali asked. “Because you and Luke aren’t together?”
“Because we’re nothing,” Noah corrected. “Not just that we’re not together. Because he doesn’t want me around. Because he doesn’t need to call me just to hear me talk like I do.”
“You don’t know tha-” Aaron started.
Noah wouldn’t let him finish. “You’ve all been saying that Christmas is when you should want to want to spend time with the people you love. Right? Well, I love Luke. I love him. And he... he doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me.” He let that sink in with everyone, let all of them feel the weight of that just like he had been for weeks. “So there’s that.”
“But Noah, you can still-”
“No,” he cut Maddie off this time. “It’s not-” he shook his head. “It wouldn’t be the same without him. It wouldn’t be right.”
He really was cold. And getting colder. Noah put the tie back into the box, and that’s when he noticed it. He was literally freezing in place. Ice had formed around his feet and legs and was steadily creeping upward. He was turning into a block of ice, trapped in it.
“No, Noah!” Casey grabbed his arm. “Don’t you dare. Don’t freeze us out!”
“So that’s why Luke hasn’t been here,” Hunter stage-whispered to Maddie. She smacked him again.
Casey continued to try reasoning with Noah, going back and forth between scolding and pleading. He had to pull his paw away though, when the ice froze up Noah’s torso to his shoulders. Pretty soon it would be over his head.
Noah wasn’t trying to fight it. He actually welcomed it, in a way. He wouldn’t have to think about Christmas and his empty, stupid apartment then. At the very least, maybe he’d be able to get some sleep now-
“Noah?”
It was a different voice. A new one. It didn’t matter if Noah was frozen or not, he wouldn’t have to turn to see who it belonged to. He’d always know that voice.
“Noah.” Luke knelt down in front of him, Casey standing and moving away to give him room. “Don’t do this.”
Noah just stared at him, taking in the image. Even though this Luke was animated, he was still... he was still Luke. Beautiful. Imperfect and amazing. He wanted to say something, but the ice was too solid and strong. Noah couldn’t break through.
“Noah, baby, you can break out of this, I know you can,” Luke eyes were just as solid and strong, somehow. They held him just as tightly as the ice. “You think you’re unloved, but you’re not. So many people love you. Everyone here loves you.”
Everyone? Noah wanted to ask, but he couldn’t. He still couldn’t talk.
Luke somehow heard the question anyway. “Everyone. I love you so much, Noah. Why do you think I’ve had such a hard time talking to you on the phone lately? It’s because it gets harder and harder to hang up each time. I miss you all the time. Every day.”
Suddenly, bit by bit, the ice started to melt away. Noah could feel it. He could feel a lot of things, and he wasn’t sure if he was shaking from the cold or everything else. “I miss you too,” he managed to say.
Luke smiled. It was a perfect smile. “I know, I know. And I know you love me, Noah.” He leaned in closer, close enough that if this were real, Noah would be able to smell that way-too-expensive cologne. “And just as soon as I can, I’m going to prove I love you just as much. But you have to wake up, Noah.”
“I want to wake up with you,” Noah argued, obstinate. The fire in his gut helped burn away more of the ice. He was almost free. He just needed...
“You can,” Luke was still smiling. “Just believe that it can happen, okay? And let us in. You have to let us in.”
“Please, Noah!” Ameera begged from somewhere.
Noah concentrated on Luke. “I want to be with you, Luke. For Christmas, for everything. You, your family, everyone. I don’t want to be alone.”
Luke reached up, both hands holding Noah’s face. There was noise and movement around them, but Noah was focused on those hands. They were so warm. “You’re not, baby, I promise. It’s time to wake up.”
“Luke?” Noah’s voice cracked a little. He closed his eyes involuntarily as Luke leaned in even closer. So close.
“Wake up, Noah.” His lips were so close... “Wake up.”
And then there was darkness.
************
“Wake up, Noah, come on! Please!”
The voices were way louder and insistent, almost harsh compared to how they’d sounded just seconds ago. He tried to open his eyes and figure out why, but his eyelids were oh so heavy, glued shut.
“Luke,” a voice sounded a little wobbly. “Maybe I should call for an ambu-”
“Are you kidding? He’ll kill us.” The voice got close to him again. “Noah Mayer, you wake up this instant or I swear to God I’m taking a hammer to your DVD collection.”
Well, he couldn’t have that. He groaned out a protest, his throat scratchy and hoarse. He wasn’t in the snow anymore either. God, where had his friends taken him now? Hands were still on his face, and he finally got his eyes to open just wide enough to see where he was this time.
And now he was very, very confused. Because it looked like his LA bedroom. And things didn’t look all stop-motion-animated. But he couldn’t be awake and real, because Luke Snyder was perched on the edge of his bed, grasping his face with both hands. “Noah?” Luke leaned over him, voice now tinged with relief. “Jesus Christ, don’t scare me like this. Come on, get those eyes open all the way.”
“No,” Noah groaned. “Don’t want to do this anymore.”
The hands on his face tensed. “Do what?”
“Noah?” Ameera stepped forward from behind Luke, her face lined with worry. “Are you okay? We... we couldn’t get you to wake up. Can you tell us what’s-”
“Dreaming,” Noah grumbled. “Still dreaming?” he looked back and forth between them.
Luke let go, but not before running one hand up to Noah’s hair, pushing it back off his forehead. “You had a dream?” he tried to understand.
Noah frowned, blinking a few times. Wait. Was this- was this real? “Luke?” He glanced at Ameera before turning back to his... whatever Luke was. “You’re really here?”
Luke’s eyes were immensely sad as he trailed his hand through Noah’s hair again. “Yeah. I’m here. I’m here.”
Ameera had moved over to the nightstand and was inspecting the medicine bottle with a disapproving frown. “You big, giant, stupid dolt,” she admonished. “How much of this did you take?”
He cowered a little under her glare, wishing he could hide behind his blanket now. “I’m really sick,” he tried to explain.
She just shook her head, setting the bottle back down with soft huff. “I’m going to go make you some tea, get something a little more organic into your system.” She turned her glare to a smirking Luke, who immediately sobered up. “Don’t let him get out of bed.”
Luke saluted as she walked out... leaving the two of them alone. Luke cleared his throat, shifting around a little, then sat back on the bed again, studying Noah. “You must’ve really been out of it, we were banging on the door for awhile.”
Noah coughed, rubbed at his eyes. “Really?”
“Yeah, you didn’t hear us yelling for you to let us in?” Luke looked at him cautiously. “I thought maybe you were ignoring us. Me.”
Let us in. Noah shook his head. “I, um, had a pretty crazy dream.”
Luke gave him a sideways look, half-smile in place. “What kind of dream?”
He groaned, and not from illness. “It wasn’t dirty.” Tilting his head, recalling that winter wonderland and his toy-friends, “Kinda the opposite.” Luke gave him a questioning look, but Noah just shook his head. “What are you doing here, Luke? In LA?”
Luke’s smile turned a lot more self-deprecating. “I kinda got, well, woken up by some of our friends too. As in, sat down and yelled at,” he chuckled as he scooted back on the bed until he was sitting against the headboard.
Noah felt weird lying down next to him, so he pushed himself up too, only to wobble pretty much immediately. “Whoa.”
“Hey, hey,” Luke was there right away, hands on his shoulders and back, steadying. Warm. Like they had been in his dream. “Easy, big guy. Let’s rest right here, okay?” He helped Noah lean back against the headboard next to him.
It took Noah a few seconds to get his bearings, and a few seconds more to realize Luke hadn’t let go. Wasn’t letting go. He turned back to him. “So you came to LA?” he prompted.
“Yeah, I did.” Luke smiled, still rubbing his shoulder. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. And I know you’re not, because I haven’t been okay. I was really not looking forward to the holidays, and it took Casey and Ali yelling at me to figure out why.” His other hand came up to poke Noah in the ribs. “Because you weren’t there to share it with me.”
“Yeah...” Noah sighed. “I, uh- same here.”
“Yeah,” Luke echoed. “So I got on a plane and ended up here. The plan at first was just to drag you home for Christmas, but... well...” he glanced around before taking a deep breath. “Maybe I’ll come home with you when the holidays are over?”
Noah stared at him. “I’m still kinda drugged up here, Luke. What does that mean?”
Luke laughed softly, and before Noah could react he leaned over and kissed Noah quickly on the cheek. “Only thing I’ve ever really learned in my life, Noah, is that my home is always with you. I don’t think I can be apart from you anymore.”
He was still staring. His cheek burned where Luke had kissed him. And with that, it was like the last of that ice from his dream melted away. “R-really?” He inched his way closer as best he could, one of his hands coming up to lightly grasp the front of Luke’s shirt. “Luke, really? I...”
Luke covered Noah’s hand with his. “I figured it out on the flight here, and I came up with a really good line to explain it. Are you ready?” He sat up straighter, grinning proudly.
Noah tried to hide his own smile, but it was hopeless. “Lay it on me.”
Luke’s face became serious, and completely sincere. “Noah. With you and me? Getting back together was always a question of ‘when.’ Not ‘if.’ And the ‘when’ is kinda right now. So, maybe, if you still want- mmph!”
Luke was cut off by Noah’s mouth on his. Noah didn’t even remember moving, but here he was. And kissing Luke was like being in a dream again. Better, actually.
Everything with Luke was better.
Then, just as suddenly, Noah pulled back. “Oh God, I’m sorry! Shit, I shouldn’t-”
“No no no way,” Luke grabbed his arms, pulling him close again. “What the hell are you apologizing for? I kinda want you to kiss me!”
Noah shook his head stubbornly, bringing his arms up to wrap tightly around Luke. “I don’t want to get you sick,” he said feebly.
A moment of silence, and then Luke laughed, loud and happy. Noah closed his eyes at the sound, soaking in it. He felt Luke kiss the tip of his nose and couldn’t help smiling too. “Noah, baby,” Luke whispered into his ear. “I want to take that risk.”
And so, Noah had to kiss him again. And again. And Ameera never came back into the room with tea. And later, Luke helped him pack a bag to get ready for a trip back to Oakdale.
And so, Noah found his meaning of Christmas. And he realized, on that flight back home, that it wasn’t just with Luke. It was in him and Luke together. The way it should be.
Like a dream come true.
THE END!
Author: carolinablu85
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Luke/Noah, Alison, Casey, Ameera, Maddie, Hunter, Aaron, other Snyders, other assorted characters
Word Count: 6,205
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Less than nothing. I own negative nothing. Also, no one gets kidnapped.
Warnings: Is it possible to combine angst with crack!fic? We’re all about to find out!
Summary: Friends and magic come together to help someone find their missing Christmas Spirit.
A/N: Based blatantly/obviously off the “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas” episode of Community (which you can/should watch HERE!), though there’s no way I could come close to the genius of that. Or those songs. But here’s a little Nukified version! Oh, and a special shoutout to dazzling_icer for her combined ATWT/Community cheerleading, the best cheerleader a person could ask for :)
Ali was seriously reconsidering her decision to give Casey control of the stereo. Sure, he was at least playing Christmas music while they decorated, but if she had to hear “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” one more time...
Like a Christmas miracle, her cell phone rang, interrupting Casey’s third rendition of the damn song. She grabbed it, taking the opportunity to mute the stereo with a sigh of relief. “Hello?” she answered, ignoring Casey’s pout from where he stood on the stepstool, hanging the last of the ornaments.
“Hi, Alison?” a voice spoke up tentatively.
She smiled. “Ameera! Hi!” She waved frantically for her fiancé to come closer, even as Casey took a running leap off the stool and landed with a thump! next to her. “Thanks for calling me back.”
“Sure, no problem. You sounded kinda... it sounded important?” Ameera had a tone like she knew exactly why Ali was calling and was dreading the topic.
She went ahead with it anyway. “Yeah. Casey and I- we haven’t heard from Noah in like a week. We don’t know if he’s coming out to Illinois for the holiday or...” she trailed off.
Ameera gave a sigh of her own, though definitely not in relief. “Alison, he’s, um...”
Casey pulled the phone out of Alison’s hand, turning on the speakerphone. “Ameera, just spit it out. We’re worried. What emo shit has the kid gotten himself into now?”
Ameera laughed a little at that. “I’m worried too,” she admitted then. “He’s not celebrating the holidays at all. He spends all his time either editing his film or working or shut up in his apartment. He’s barely even returning phone calls now.”
“He’s hiding,” Ali murmured.
Casey shut his eyes for a second, slowing down his pacing to a standstill. “Did L- did the Snyders invite him to Oakdale?”
“I don’t know,” Ameera answered quietly. “I’m slightly afraid to ask.”
He groaned. “God, this stupid ‘just friends’ thing he and Luke have going on is just... it’s stupid, is what it is. They’re, like, more than friends and nothing at the same time. It’s hurting them both.”
Ali was rubbing his back without even realizing it, wanting the contact. “Luke hasn’t really been a social butterfly lately either,” she mentioned.
“Which is why I’m glad you called,” Ameera said. “We need to do something about all this. I just have no idea what.”
************
Noah gave the most epic groan he could manage as he made his way inside the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him half-heartedly, not enough energy to turn and see if it closed properly.
He dropped his bag onto the couch, his coat onto the desk chair, his shoes kicked off into a corner as he moved. His head was stuffed and heavy, vision blurry around the edges, his throat and nose feeling raw and scratchy.
All in all, he felt like shit.
And if he saw one more candy cane or fake snowman or one more goddamn berry of holly, he was going to snap. He just wanted to go to sleep and wake up after Christmas. Better yet, wake up in like four years. Life had to work itself out by then, right?
It was just the holidays that were making him feel this way. And the (slight) change in temperature that got him sick. It had nothing to do with...
He just missed some things, is all. He missed having something to look forward to for Christmas, a house to go to, a home-cooked meal to eat, a bunch of people being loud and crazy and asking a million questions at the same time, patting him on the back, wanting him there, making him laugh, giving him-
He shook his head at himself. Things change, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time. He was Luke’s friend now, not his- not anything more. They were finally at a place where they could talk to each other regularly, about silly stupid stuff, and Noah didn’t want to die every time they were about to hang up. They were finally at a place where he felt he could call Luke if he needed him, and he knew the reverse was true as well.
He should just appreciate what he had, right? Never mind the fact that he felt like calling Luke all the time, because he needed him all the time. No. That was ridiculous. That was pathetic.
He shrugged out of his shirt, suddenly feeling overheated and clammy. He hated getting sick. It didn’t happen that often, but when it did it always felt like a seventeen billion-ton whale had just flopped down on top of him. He hated it.
He did his best demonstration of ‘trudging’ as he got into his bedroom, keeping his eyes mostly-closed (he was still pretty good at moving around with his other senses), ignoring the stack of mail on his side table, his cell phone next to it with its little flashing envelope icon. Ignoring the muffled voice in his brain telling him to man up and stop wallowing.
But he was nothing if not good at ignoring stuff. So instead he dropped onto his bed with another groan, not even bothering to get under the covers. It was hot in here anyway, he didn’t need the comforter. Instead he fumbled around until his hand found the bottle of cold medicine he’d finally wussed out and bought yesterday.
He unscrewed the cap, still not entirely sure if it was ‘daytime’ or ‘nighttime’ or whatever time it was now. Not bothering with the little measuring cup, he chugged straight from the bottle, gulping down the medicine until he couldn’t stand the taste, then dropping his head back to the pillow.
Right now, he would be fine with just being able to sleep through the night.
************
But, of course, no such luck. A weird sound worked its way into his brain, bringing him out of his foggy sleep. Sleigh bells. Why the hell was he hearing sleigh bells?
He pried his eyes open slowly, also wondering why he wasn’t hot anymore, why it felt like he wasn’t in his bed anymore. And when his eyes opened slowly and he got a good look of what was around him, he started to edge closer and closer to panic.
Well, it’s about time you had that complete psychotic breakdown, Mayer, he told himself.
That’s what this had to be. Because he was no longer in his room, in his apartment, in Los Angeles. He was standing on a hillside, one that was dotted with bright green pine trees and pure, white snow. It was like a cartoon world. But a familiar one, a world he couldn’t quite figure out how he recognized. The sleigh bells he could still hear were chiming in time with the falling snow.
He took a few steps, confused and getting even closer to panic, when he finally looked down at himself. What?! And then he realized where he knew this scene from. It was like the old stop-motion animation movies he’d watched as a kid- the Rankin/Bass specials, with Rudolph and the Misfit Toys and all those characters. The world around him now, everything, even Noah himself, were claymation.
How much of that cold medicine did I drink?
“This is a dream,” he told himself. He had to say it. How else was he going to keep his sanity? “It’s a dream. It’s a dream.” He looked around again at the storybook-like setting and wanted to roll his eyes. Of course. This wasn’t real. Nothing like this existed.
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.”
Noah whirled around at the voice, hands half-raised as though to fight off an attack. Which was stupid, because he recognized the voice even before he was turned around. “Casey, what the heck is g-”
He stopped short. Because his friends were all there. Well, they were his friends, and they weren’t. It was more like Christmas-toy versions of his friends to go along with this crazy-ass world.
There was Casey, but as a teddy bear. Ali was next to him, looking like one of those Bratz dolls Natalie and Faith used to play with. Ameera was a half-step behind them, dressed up like a princess. And Hunter was there, made up as a robot, next to Maddie who was, of course, a Madeline doll. And rounding out the group was Aaron, looking like a Captain America action figure.
Noah stared at them, shaking his head. When he woke up, he was so throwing away that bottle of cold medicine. Maybe it had been expired? Or maybe he had finally gone crazy?
“You’re not crazy, hon,” Ameera stepped up close to him, her hand on his arm. Her claymation hand on his claymation arm. He stared back at her, disbelieving. She just smiled. “We’re all here to help you.”
“H-help me what?” he asked, looking at all of them.
“Find the meaning of Christmas!” Maddie piped up.
He directed his next disbelieving look over to her. “What?”
The Casey Bear waddled forward, squeaking with each step. “It’s Christmas, Noah. You should be happy. You should be with friends, with us, with family. Most importantly, you should know it’s okay to want to be with us.”
Noah took a step away from them all. “That’s what this is about? I’m, I’m busy this week. I have shifts to work, and my film to edit, and-” He shook his head. “I’m fine. This is crazy. Like, really really crazy. Like, certifiable. Straight jacket. Padded walls. Cuckoo’s nest.”
“Noah, buddy,” Aaron offered up a patented passed-down-from-Holden-Snyder-smile. It almost hurt to see it. “You’re not fine. You need some Christmas Spirit, and we’re gonna give it to you whether you like it or not.”
“You’ve lost your way,” Ali chimed in.
“So we’re here to help!” Hunter added.
Noah shook his head again. (His clay head, he remembered again.) “I don’t need-”
“It’s not about need,” Ameera sternly interrupted. “It’s about Christmas, dear. You’re not supposed to be alone.”
Casey grinned. “Also, it’s kinda the rule here- you’re not leaving this world till you find the meaning of Christmas. No compromises there.”
“Leave this world?” Noah repeated. “You mean, wake up?”
“If that’s how you want to see it,” Casey Bear shrugged back at him. “Either way, until you get some serious happy in you, we’re not letting you leave.”
“Technically speaking, ‘serious happy’ is an oxymoron-” the HunterBot was silenced by Maddie smacking his arm.
Noah looked at each of them in turn, somewhere between wanting to laugh hysterically and wanting to cry. Why couldn’t he sleep like a normal person? “I- I’m not...” He sighed, recognizing the stubborn, I-dare-you-to-argue looks on his friends’ faces. “Fine,” he expelled the word slowly. “How do I do this?”
As soon as he said the words, a path suddenly appeared beneath his feet, leading out and down the animated countryside, lined with giant gum drops and chocolate chips. Seriously? Noah wanted to complain. He kept silent though, afraid that Maddie would smack him too.
“Well,” Ameera linked her arm through his, pulling him close, starting to walk down the path. “First thing in finding the meaning of Christmas is to start at the beginning. So our first stop will be the Cave of Frozen Memories.”
Noah wanted to roll his eyes at that too, but the rest of his friends surrounded him, urging him forward. He glanced around one last time, hoping to find the doorway back to his bed, but there was nothing. Just a snowman lurking in the background, its scarf artfully arranged and flapping in the breeze. Before he could contemplate that further, his friends led him away. Towards the Cave.
~~~~~~
It really was a cave, Noah was surprised to see. Blocks of ice, shining and twinkling like magic, rising up from the ground and hanging down from the top of the cave. Noah was half-expecting to see the Abominable Snowman roaming around, ready to burst into song.
“Well, here we are!” Ali gestured wide as the group entered.
“Okay. Now what?” Noah asked, anxious to get this whole dream over with.
“This is a place of memories, bud,” Aaron explained. “So, duh, let’s find your Christmas memories.”
Noah frowned. “Where? How?”
This time Maddie grabbed his hand, pulling him over to a stalagmite (stalactite? Noah could never keep that straight) made of ice, peering into it. “Look, Noah. What do you see?”
He bit his lip, telling himself to just go with it, play along. He leaned in close to the ice, trying to see whatever his friends wanted him to see. For a few seconds, there was nothing. But then the ice started to glow from within, and all of a sudden an image appeared in the ice.
Noah frowned, moving closer. No way...
It was him. Seven-year-old him, sitting cross-legged on the floor of yet another nondescript living room in yet another nondescript army base house. He was holding a stuffed animal dog in his lap, watching the television with rapt attention. The Christmas tree behind him was perfectly decorated, perfectly proportioned, perfectly fake and boring. It didn’t even smell like a tree. Noah remembered always hating that.
“Is that you?” Ameera asked. Noah just nodded.
“Where’s your dad?” Maddie asked softly.
He shrugged. “Not home yet.” The reason he knew that was because he was hugging the stuffed animal. He knew better than to do that when the Colonel was home- he was too old to ‘play with dolls and whatnot.’ He remembered thinking that the dog (he had named it Opie) wasn’t a doll or a whatnot, but that hadn’t mattered to the Colonel. Rules are rules for a reason, and my rules are not to be broken, young man!
“Why this memory, Noah?” Casey came up next to him.
He couldn’t help but shrug again. “Because it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter which Christmas, they were all the same. He would be gone before I woke up in the morning, he always volunteered to work on base so other officers could spend time with their f-” he cut himself off before he revealed too much. “I’d pretty much just watch movies all day. He’d come back sometime after dinner, we’d open our presents, then I’d go to bed.”
Sure enough, there was movement in the little scene, the tinny sound of a door opening and closing. Little-Animated-Noah hurriedly shoved the stuff animal away, hiding it under the couch where he could grab it later before bed. There was the clomp of heavy footsteps, and then the Colonel was there.
“That’s your dad?” Hunter whispered. “He looks like the Heat Miser.”
Sure enough, the cartoon-version of Winston Mayer looked eerily like the old claymation villain. Fitting, in a way. But Noah knew what was coming next, and he’d embarrassed himself enough for one night. He put his hand on the ice, wiping away the scene, hiding it from the others. “So, that’s why we came here? So I could remember the crappy holidays of my past? This isn’t exactly The Christmas Carol, guys.”
“Well, you ain’t exactly Ebenezer,” Maddie shot back. “Are these really the first memories you think of when you think of Christmas?”
Noah hesitated. She had him there. “No,” he admitted.
“And what is?” she prompted.
“It... it wouldn’t be here,” he argued. He didn’t know how to say it, how to tell them that his real Christmas memories wouldn’t be in some cold, dark cave. He definitely wouldn’t keep them in the same place as his- as the Colonel. No way.
Captain Aaron America gestured back toward the cave opening. “Okay then. Let’s go find it.”
Noah groaned. “Can’t you just let me wake up now?”
A soft, furry arm wrapped around his shoulders. “Sorry, bro. It looks like you’re stuck in a magical, happy world with all your friends. I know that really must suck.”
Noah glared. “Casey. I will punch the stuffing out of you.”
Casey just laughed. “You can’t punch me. I’m a teddy bear! It’s Christmas! That’s, like, against all laws of man and nature.”
Ameera shushed them both with a look. “Well, let’s head on back down Gumdrop Lane and find these real memories, Noah. Something tells me you need to see them just as much as we do.”
Noah wanted to point out that nobody needed to see them, but he also knew that- animated dream world or not- there was no arguing with Ameera Ali-Aziz. So he allowed Casey and Maddie to drag him along behind the rest of his friends, out of the cave and back out into the winter wonderland of snowflakes and sleigh bells.
Noah really wanted to wake up. Or punch the teddy bear.
The group traveled down the lane, coming up to the top of a hill that overlooked... Oh. He should have known.
“Looks familiar,” Aaron murmured kindly.
Noah could only nod, unable to look at any of them. Because there was the setting of his favorite- his only real- Christmas memories. The Snyders’ farm. Of course it was made up into claymation like everything else, looking like the most perfect gingerbread house and gingerbread barn ever created.
Noah was drawn forward almost against his will, suddenly needing to be close to it, to anyone that might be inside. He made it to the graham-cracker-porch, peeking in through a window.
And there was Snyder kitchen, all decorated like Emma always did- holly and garland and candles and poinsettias. He couldn’t actually tell, but somehow Noah knew it smelled like sugar cookies in there. And Emma was there, all the Snyders were (cartooned, of course). Lily and Holden sat at the table, arms around each other and playing with baby Ethan (he wasn’t a baby anymore, was he? Noah had to remind himself of that all the time). Natalie and Faith were running around, chasing each other, giggling. Jack stood near the sink, stealing cookies whenever Emma wasn’t looking.
Noah could only stare. He definitely couldn’t tear his eyes away. This was what he thought of when he thought of Christmas.
“These were your real Christmases, weren’t they?” Ali asked as the rest of his friends joined him by the window.
He nodded. “I still think of them as my family,” he half-whispered, wondering if claymation characters could blush (probably with perfectly rosy cheeks).
“We are, buddy,” Aaron insisted. “We still are. We think of you the same way.”
Noah shrugged, watching as Emma sat some milk and cookies on the table in front of the kids. “Maybe.”
“You don’t believe me?” Aaron asked.
“It’s not that, Aaron. It’s just...” he waved a hand around. “It’s this.”
“What’s this?”
He stopped himself from sighing. “This is what it’s like for me. What it’s always been like for me, even with your family. On the outside... looking in,” he finished, rolling his eyes at his own lameness.
“You’re not going to make it easier by staying in a whole other state,” Princess Ameera pointed out. “Why don’t you want to go to Oakdale for Christmas?”
“It doesn’t matter, ’Meera!” he was probably whining, but he didn’t care. “It’s just a day. What makes it any more special than the day before it or the day after? What does it matter if I’m there or not?” With difficulty, he shoved himself away from the window and away from the Snyders, away from Emma’s cookies and Lily’s hugs and Ethan’s constant invitation to play with his toys.
The others trailed after him as he headed back to the lane. Except Hunter, who peeked into the window one more time. “Hey,” he said, confused. “Where’s L-?”
Ali elbowed him quickly. “Hush. Not now,” she murmured.
They made it back to Gumdrop Lane before Noah turned to face his friends again. “Okay, now what? Now where are we going? The Island of Misfit Toys? The Canyon of Childhood Trauma?”
“Hey,” Maddie-Doll crossed her arms sternly. “Mock all you want, but this is for your own good. We’re here because we love you, honey.”
“You’re here because I didn’t measure out the cough syrup before I swallowed it,” he grumbled.
“Either way!” Casey jumped in, all cheery and gumdrop-y. “You’re here now! And our next stop is the North Pole- if you can’t find the meaning of Christmas there, then I guess we’re all gonna be stuck in this world forever!”
Well, Noah knew he definitely didn’t want that. “So how do we get to the North Pole?”
They all looked at him like he was crazy. “The Polar Express, duh!” Casey’s tone was half-exasperated and half-excited.
Noah was back to wanting to punch him.
~~~~~~
“It’s not exactly what I had imagined,” he said to Maddie as she sat down next to him.
“What? It’s the Polar Express!” she grinned, gesturing around.
“It’s supposed to be a train, Madds. This is a pick-up truck,” he muttered.
She shrugged. “Hey, it’s your brain. Quit your grumbling, Ebenezer.”
“If it was my brain I should be able to wake up when I want!” he argued.
“You know what a good first step to doing that would be?” she fired right back. “Admit you want to celebrate the holidays. Admit you want-”
“Maddie,” he tried to warn.
She barreled on past him. “Admit you want to celebrate with people. Admit that you don’t want to be alone, that you want to be with the people you lo-”
“Maddie!” he snapped. “Leave it alone. It’s a just a day. Nothing special.” Quieter, he insisted, “I don’t care about it.”
She just looked back at him sadly, disappointed. “And that’s exactly why we’re here.”
~~~~~~
“Here we are!” There was another squeak sound as Casey jumped out of the truck and landed in the snow. “And according to my watch it’s a little after 11pm Eastern Candy Time, so we need to get a move on.”
A warning look from Ameera kept him from making a comment about Casey’s time measurement, so instead Noah looked out past his friends to the sign post behind to them, which was conveniently labeled ‘Santa’s Workshop, North Pole.’ He wisely kept his comments to himself this time.
“So, the meaning of Christmas is here, right?” Noah asked his friends. “If I find it, I can go back to a three dimensional world?”
“I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?” Ameera gave him a shove towards the sign.
He approached it almost warily. “How come there isn’t, like, an actual workshop? I don’t see a building anywhere.”
The others sighed dramatically. “There was a gingerbread house, but the Grinch ate it,” Hunter explained. “We can’t get that guy to stop eating.”
Noah frowned, not wanting to know who in his life would be the Grinch, and moved back to the issue at hand. “Okay. So. What exactly does the meaning of Christmas look like?”
“Noah, what have we been saying all along?” Maddie smiled sweetly. “This is your brain. So it’s going to be something that has meaning to you. You’ll know it when you see it.” The others nodded helpfully.
Noah’s frown deepened. “Well, if this is my brain, then I should be in some sort of control. So I should be able to just point and say the meaning of Christmas is right... there!” He pointed in a random direction, and everyone turned towards it.
Sure enough, there was a perfectly wrapped Christmas present sitting in the snow, wrapping paper shining, bow on top. Noah stepped closer to the box, just close enough to read the tag next to the bow- ‘The Meaning Of Christmas.’ There we go.
“Yeah, I’d guess that’s probably it,” Aaron said wryly.
Noah stuck his tongue out at him before turning back to the box. Thank God. He could open this and then hopefully wake up. Kneeling down, he unwrapped it slowly, curious despite himself. He could feel his friends crowding around, looking over his shoulder as he opened the box. Finally, still kneeling in the snow, he lifted the lid and looked inside.
And froze.
“Oh, Noah...” Ameera murmured sadly. He couldn’t answer.
“I don’t get it,” Hunter whispered. “What’s so special about a necktie?”
Alison shushed him again. “I’ll explain later.”
“Noah.” Casey was now kneeling down next to him. “When was the last time you talked to Luke?”
He tried to shrug, but he was still frozen, staring at the tie in his hand. “A little while ago. He’s doing well. Foundation got a new donor. He’s teaching Ethan how to play basketball.” He mumbled all this, finding it hard to talk for some reason. It was getting really cold out here.
“Did you two talk about... well, you two?” Casey asked gently.
He didn’t answer, which was answer enough.
“Sweetie, is this why you don’t want to do anything for the holidays?” Ali asked. “Because you and Luke aren’t together?”
“Because we’re nothing,” Noah corrected. “Not just that we’re not together. Because he doesn’t want me around. Because he doesn’t need to call me just to hear me talk like I do.”
“You don’t know tha-” Aaron started.
Noah wouldn’t let him finish. “You’ve all been saying that Christmas is when you should want to want to spend time with the people you love. Right? Well, I love Luke. I love him. And he... he doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me.” He let that sink in with everyone, let all of them feel the weight of that just like he had been for weeks. “So there’s that.”
“But Noah, you can still-”
“No,” he cut Maddie off this time. “It’s not-” he shook his head. “It wouldn’t be the same without him. It wouldn’t be right.”
He really was cold. And getting colder. Noah put the tie back into the box, and that’s when he noticed it. He was literally freezing in place. Ice had formed around his feet and legs and was steadily creeping upward. He was turning into a block of ice, trapped in it.
“No, Noah!” Casey grabbed his arm. “Don’t you dare. Don’t freeze us out!”
“So that’s why Luke hasn’t been here,” Hunter stage-whispered to Maddie. She smacked him again.
Casey continued to try reasoning with Noah, going back and forth between scolding and pleading. He had to pull his paw away though, when the ice froze up Noah’s torso to his shoulders. Pretty soon it would be over his head.
Noah wasn’t trying to fight it. He actually welcomed it, in a way. He wouldn’t have to think about Christmas and his empty, stupid apartment then. At the very least, maybe he’d be able to get some sleep now-
“Noah?”
It was a different voice. A new one. It didn’t matter if Noah was frozen or not, he wouldn’t have to turn to see who it belonged to. He’d always know that voice.
“Noah.” Luke knelt down in front of him, Casey standing and moving away to give him room. “Don’t do this.”
Noah just stared at him, taking in the image. Even though this Luke was animated, he was still... he was still Luke. Beautiful. Imperfect and amazing. He wanted to say something, but the ice was too solid and strong. Noah couldn’t break through.
“Noah, baby, you can break out of this, I know you can,” Luke eyes were just as solid and strong, somehow. They held him just as tightly as the ice. “You think you’re unloved, but you’re not. So many people love you. Everyone here loves you.”
Everyone? Noah wanted to ask, but he couldn’t. He still couldn’t talk.
Luke somehow heard the question anyway. “Everyone. I love you so much, Noah. Why do you think I’ve had such a hard time talking to you on the phone lately? It’s because it gets harder and harder to hang up each time. I miss you all the time. Every day.”
Suddenly, bit by bit, the ice started to melt away. Noah could feel it. He could feel a lot of things, and he wasn’t sure if he was shaking from the cold or everything else. “I miss you too,” he managed to say.
Luke smiled. It was a perfect smile. “I know, I know. And I know you love me, Noah.” He leaned in closer, close enough that if this were real, Noah would be able to smell that way-too-expensive cologne. “And just as soon as I can, I’m going to prove I love you just as much. But you have to wake up, Noah.”
“I want to wake up with you,” Noah argued, obstinate. The fire in his gut helped burn away more of the ice. He was almost free. He just needed...
“You can,” Luke was still smiling. “Just believe that it can happen, okay? And let us in. You have to let us in.”
“Please, Noah!” Ameera begged from somewhere.
Noah concentrated on Luke. “I want to be with you, Luke. For Christmas, for everything. You, your family, everyone. I don’t want to be alone.”
Luke reached up, both hands holding Noah’s face. There was noise and movement around them, but Noah was focused on those hands. They were so warm. “You’re not, baby, I promise. It’s time to wake up.”
“Luke?” Noah’s voice cracked a little. He closed his eyes involuntarily as Luke leaned in even closer. So close.
“Wake up, Noah.” His lips were so close... “Wake up.”
And then there was darkness.
************
“Wake up, Noah, come on! Please!”
The voices were way louder and insistent, almost harsh compared to how they’d sounded just seconds ago. He tried to open his eyes and figure out why, but his eyelids were oh so heavy, glued shut.
“Luke,” a voice sounded a little wobbly. “Maybe I should call for an ambu-”
“Are you kidding? He’ll kill us.” The voice got close to him again. “Noah Mayer, you wake up this instant or I swear to God I’m taking a hammer to your DVD collection.”
Well, he couldn’t have that. He groaned out a protest, his throat scratchy and hoarse. He wasn’t in the snow anymore either. God, where had his friends taken him now? Hands were still on his face, and he finally got his eyes to open just wide enough to see where he was this time.
And now he was very, very confused. Because it looked like his LA bedroom. And things didn’t look all stop-motion-animated. But he couldn’t be awake and real, because Luke Snyder was perched on the edge of his bed, grasping his face with both hands. “Noah?” Luke leaned over him, voice now tinged with relief. “Jesus Christ, don’t scare me like this. Come on, get those eyes open all the way.”
“No,” Noah groaned. “Don’t want to do this anymore.”
The hands on his face tensed. “Do what?”
“Noah?” Ameera stepped forward from behind Luke, her face lined with worry. “Are you okay? We... we couldn’t get you to wake up. Can you tell us what’s-”
“Dreaming,” Noah grumbled. “Still dreaming?” he looked back and forth between them.
Luke let go, but not before running one hand up to Noah’s hair, pushing it back off his forehead. “You had a dream?” he tried to understand.
Noah frowned, blinking a few times. Wait. Was this- was this real? “Luke?” He glanced at Ameera before turning back to his... whatever Luke was. “You’re really here?”
Luke’s eyes were immensely sad as he trailed his hand through Noah’s hair again. “Yeah. I’m here. I’m here.”
Ameera had moved over to the nightstand and was inspecting the medicine bottle with a disapproving frown. “You big, giant, stupid dolt,” she admonished. “How much of this did you take?”
He cowered a little under her glare, wishing he could hide behind his blanket now. “I’m really sick,” he tried to explain.
She just shook her head, setting the bottle back down with soft huff. “I’m going to go make you some tea, get something a little more organic into your system.” She turned her glare to a smirking Luke, who immediately sobered up. “Don’t let him get out of bed.”
Luke saluted as she walked out... leaving the two of them alone. Luke cleared his throat, shifting around a little, then sat back on the bed again, studying Noah. “You must’ve really been out of it, we were banging on the door for awhile.”
Noah coughed, rubbed at his eyes. “Really?”
“Yeah, you didn’t hear us yelling for you to let us in?” Luke looked at him cautiously. “I thought maybe you were ignoring us. Me.”
Let us in. Noah shook his head. “I, um, had a pretty crazy dream.”
Luke gave him a sideways look, half-smile in place. “What kind of dream?”
He groaned, and not from illness. “It wasn’t dirty.” Tilting his head, recalling that winter wonderland and his toy-friends, “Kinda the opposite.” Luke gave him a questioning look, but Noah just shook his head. “What are you doing here, Luke? In LA?”
Luke’s smile turned a lot more self-deprecating. “I kinda got, well, woken up by some of our friends too. As in, sat down and yelled at,” he chuckled as he scooted back on the bed until he was sitting against the headboard.
Noah felt weird lying down next to him, so he pushed himself up too, only to wobble pretty much immediately. “Whoa.”
“Hey, hey,” Luke was there right away, hands on his shoulders and back, steadying. Warm. Like they had been in his dream. “Easy, big guy. Let’s rest right here, okay?” He helped Noah lean back against the headboard next to him.
It took Noah a few seconds to get his bearings, and a few seconds more to realize Luke hadn’t let go. Wasn’t letting go. He turned back to him. “So you came to LA?” he prompted.
“Yeah, I did.” Luke smiled, still rubbing his shoulder. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. And I know you’re not, because I haven’t been okay. I was really not looking forward to the holidays, and it took Casey and Ali yelling at me to figure out why.” His other hand came up to poke Noah in the ribs. “Because you weren’t there to share it with me.”
“Yeah...” Noah sighed. “I, uh- same here.”
“Yeah,” Luke echoed. “So I got on a plane and ended up here. The plan at first was just to drag you home for Christmas, but... well...” he glanced around before taking a deep breath. “Maybe I’ll come home with you when the holidays are over?”
Noah stared at him. “I’m still kinda drugged up here, Luke. What does that mean?”
Luke laughed softly, and before Noah could react he leaned over and kissed Noah quickly on the cheek. “Only thing I’ve ever really learned in my life, Noah, is that my home is always with you. I don’t think I can be apart from you anymore.”
He was still staring. His cheek burned where Luke had kissed him. And with that, it was like the last of that ice from his dream melted away. “R-really?” He inched his way closer as best he could, one of his hands coming up to lightly grasp the front of Luke’s shirt. “Luke, really? I...”
Luke covered Noah’s hand with his. “I figured it out on the flight here, and I came up with a really good line to explain it. Are you ready?” He sat up straighter, grinning proudly.
Noah tried to hide his own smile, but it was hopeless. “Lay it on me.”
Luke’s face became serious, and completely sincere. “Noah. With you and me? Getting back together was always a question of ‘when.’ Not ‘if.’ And the ‘when’ is kinda right now. So, maybe, if you still want- mmph!”
Luke was cut off by Noah’s mouth on his. Noah didn’t even remember moving, but here he was. And kissing Luke was like being in a dream again. Better, actually.
Everything with Luke was better.
Then, just as suddenly, Noah pulled back. “Oh God, I’m sorry! Shit, I shouldn’t-”
“No no no way,” Luke grabbed his arms, pulling him close again. “What the hell are you apologizing for? I kinda want you to kiss me!”
Noah shook his head stubbornly, bringing his arms up to wrap tightly around Luke. “I don’t want to get you sick,” he said feebly.
A moment of silence, and then Luke laughed, loud and happy. Noah closed his eyes at the sound, soaking in it. He felt Luke kiss the tip of his nose and couldn’t help smiling too. “Noah, baby,” Luke whispered into his ear. “I want to take that risk.”
And so, Noah had to kiss him again. And again. And Ameera never came back into the room with tea. And later, Luke helped him pack a bag to get ready for a trip back to Oakdale.
And so, Noah found his meaning of Christmas. And he realized, on that flight back home, that it wasn’t just with Luke. It was in him and Luke together. The way it should be.
Like a dream come true.
THE END!