FIC: SINS OF THE FATHER 6/15
Title: Sins of the Father
Chapter: 6/15
Author: carolinablu85, also known as CarolinaBlue on vh.net or CarolinaBlu on the wiki (I know, I'm a fountain of creative names)
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Rating: PG 13-ish to R now, it gets a little dark here - violence, abuse and non-con moments (not graphic)
Spoilers: set in spring 2009, after Luke and Noah battle housing discrimination but before Damian/evil twins. Thus, before the Colonel came back from the dead last year
Summary: A phone call spurs Luke into action, Winston decides to punish his son.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: The first major 'epic' story I ever wrote (and finished)!
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5
“Okay, ice cream? Cheese fries? Shopping spree? Anything but alcohol, and it’s yours, dude. Whatever you want.”
“Casey!” Jade smacked him in the chest, eyeing Luke nervously. Luke just shook his head, smiling a little. It wasn’t really funny, but he appreciated Casey’s effort to cheer him up. Just like he appreciated Casey and Jade getting him out of the house and out to Old Town, keeping his mind off Fake-Noah and the real liquor bottles (not that he would ever tell them about that incident; they probably thought he was crazy enough as it was).
The three settled down on a bench, and Luke refrained from telling them that it was the same bench that he and Noah had sat on just a few weeks ago, when he had told off that guy at the foundation meeting. When Noah had been proud of Luke, had confessed in his own sweet Noah-Mayer-way that he was glad Luke was done being a whining, moping emo brat. Okay, maybe Luke was paraphrasing there.
Luke refrained from telling them that they had left this bench and spent the rest of that day and night happily in bed together, reminding each other of how special and loved the other one was.
Of course, Casey and Jade wouldn’t have been listening to him anyway, because they had been sitting down for less than a minute when some petty argument started up. Luke swore those two started fights just for the fun of it now, though he had to admit they were pretty entertaining to watch. His cell phone rang just as Casey brought up the whole convenience-store-robbing boyfriend, and Luke reluctantly tuned them out to answer.
It was a number he didn’t recognize. “Hello?” No response. He could hear something on the other end, not static, so he knew it wasn’t a dropped call. Somebody dialed him by accident maybe? “Hello?” he prompted again.
There another was a beat of silence, and Luke was about to hang up with a shrug when a faint, hoarse voice finally spoke up. “Luke?”
Time stopped.
Time absolutely stopped. Casey and Jade were still making noise next to him, people were walking by, but Luke could comprehend nothing except the voice sounding strained and distant on the other end of the phone. “N-Noah?” he stuttered, disbelieving. Casey’s head snapped up to stare at him. He and Jade fell silent, even as Luke leapt to his feet, words spilling out and feet pacing in a crazy figure-eight pattern around the bench. “Where are you? Are you okay? Are you…”
“Luke?” Noah’s voice was breathless, faded, and it wasn’t from the cell phone connection. He sounded horrible- defeated, beaten. Which, considering his father, was probably pretty close to the truth.
Luke felt another bolt of fear shoot through him. Where was Noah? How was he calling him? “I’m here, Noah. Tell me where you are,” he commanded, forcing himself to stay calm. He was aware of Casey and Jade standing with him, but he didn’t acknowledge them, couldn’t. He was focused completely on Noah. “Please, baby, tell me where you are.”
“Basement,” Noah stammered. He sounded confused, and Luke wondered if he had a concussion.
“What basement, Noah?” he hoped repeating his name would ground Noah, bring him back a little closer to lucidity. He was still with his father? Was he was sneaking this phone call out to Luke? God, this could be really dangerous. “Where is it?”
“In a cabin,” Noah spoke so tentatively, Luke wanted to cry. He had never felt frustration like this before, not even when he was stuck in a wheelchair. Now he was stuck, apart from Noah, unable to do anything about it. This is what real paralysis felt like. “In the woods?” Noah continued, unsure, coughing roughly. “There was water, I fell… I fell in water…”
“Water?” Luke was at a loss. Casey and Jade were wordlessly begging him to fill them in, following in his wake like ducklings after their mother. He waved them away when Noah spoke again.
“I tried to run away, Luke. I tried to get home, find you…” Noah’s breathing was rushed. He groaned softly, and Luke could hear slight movement in the background, like Noah was trying to shift his body but couldn’t. “But they caught up with me, I’m sorry. I didn’t get away. I’m so sorry,” he was rambling a little, which terrified Luke. Noah didn’t ramble like this.
“It’s okay, Noah, it’s okay. Keep talking, tell me about the cabin.” He made frantic eye contact with Casey, motioned to his cell phone.
Casey nodded, dialing his mom’s number. “What the hell- a cabin?” he whispered while waiting for Margo to pick up.
“It’s cold,” Noah said, his voice starting to drift away.
“Noah!” Luke called him back frantically. Had he been drugged? Was he hurt badly? Was he bleeding, or-? “Talk to me, tell me how you are! Are you okay?”
“No,” was the simple, straightforward answer. Luke’s stomach flip-flopped even more. Noah admitting to not being fine? That was Luke’s worst nightmare. “They’re going to come back soon,” Noah continued, just this side of whispering. “I can’t… I can’t do it Luke. I can’t do what he wants. I want to go home.”
“You will, I promise you will. I’ll find you, you just have to hold on, okay?” Luke tried to reassure him. Damn it, he just wanted to have Noah in his arms right now. He had no idea what he could do; could the call be traced? Margo and Jack had to be able to do something.
“I can’t, Luke. He’s going to come after me again, and I won’t be able to fight him!” Noah was near panic now. “I’m… I’m scared. My dad is… He- Alan, he’ll…” Noah’s voice shook, and he let out what sounded like a choking sob.
Luke’s eyes widened, ice pouring through his veins. He stopped moving, Jade a step behind him. No, this was Luke’s worst nightmare. What Brett had alluded to at the station… Nonononononono! “Noah, listen to me,” Luke felt his own voice shake, but he continued on. Jade was staring at him fearfully, no idea what was going on but figuring it must be bad. She put her hand on his stiff shoulder.
“Listen, we’re going to find you. I will find you, and I’ll get you out of there, and you’ll be okay, and we’ll be together and move into our apartment and watch your boring old movies together every Friday night and…” Luke swallowed back his tears. “Just, just hold on. For me, okay?” Luke didn’t know what else to say, there had to be some way to give Noah the hope that he’d be saved.
“Luke,” Noah’s voice cracked again. “I-” suddenly there were other sounds on his end of the phone. Luke could just make out the sound of deep voices, heavy thumps. A door slamming.
“No,” Luke and Noah breathed out at the same time.
Luke could hear the real fear in his boyfriend’s voice and had to do something about it. “Noah, I’m right here, okay? I’m right here. It’s going to be okay, we’ll find you soon. I promise.” Noah had no acknowledgement for him, but Luke could hear the sounds getting closer, more talking, and Noah’s harsh and panicked gasps. “Listen to me. I love you Noah, I love you. You’ll see me soon, I promi-”
“Son of a bitch!” someone yelled. Luke could hear more movement, getting louder. “Kid stole my cell phone!” The sound got clearer- footsteps getting closer. “What do you think you’re doing, boy?!” There was the sound of flesh meeting flesh- someone getting hit- and Noah cried out.
“Noah!” Luke yelled out frantically.
“Say goodbye to your boyfriend, kid,” the voice called out, and Luke wasn’t sure if it was directed to him or Noah. Either way, he was starting to hyperventilate, beyond horrified. He could heard Noah getting hit again. Noah wasn’t crying out this time, or talking. Or making any sound at all.
Luke was just about to yell his name, tell him he loved him again, when the line went dead. “No,” Luke whispered. He barely noticed Casey and Jade grabbing his arms as he sank to his knees on the ground.
“Luke?” Casey asked urgently. “My mom’s on her way here. What happened? What-?”
Luke shook his head, unaware that Casey and Jade were still holding his arms. “They’re hurting him. Oh God. He’s hurt and they caught him calling me, and…” he took a breath, looking intently at Casey. “Case… he said something about Alan.”
Jade looked back and forth between them, confused, but Casey rocked back on his heels, closing his eyes in dread. “Damn it.” After that day with Brett at the police station, Casey had had a hard time not thinking about what could be happening to Noah. It had kept him up at night, fighting off freak-out after freak-out. And he knew he was taking it out on his mom, questioning her every time she came home or answered the phone, but he just couldn’t help it. He had no idea how Luke was keeping from going crazy. He rubbed a hand over his mouth anxiously. “What do you want to do? What can we do?”
Luke struggled to his feet. “I’m going to find him. Now.”
“Luke, you can’t-”
Jade tried to interject, but Luke pulled away. “No. He’s out there and he didn’t sound like he could hold on much longer. He said he’s in a cabin in the woods, near a river or a pond or something.” Casey nodded, pulling out his car keys determinedly, his body getting tense with anticipation. Luke found he was readying himself in the same way.
“So? Guys, that could be anywhere!” Jade tried to hold both their arms at the same time. It wasn’t working.
“Out of those men, Colonel Mayer’s the only one who’s been to Oakdale before. And the only place I know he’s been to that fits that description is the camping area where he took me and Noah when he tried to kill me.” Luke was so far passed thinking of that time. If he didn’t do something now, something bad was going to happen to Noah. That was all that mattered. Finally, there was something he could do. And Luke was going to do it, come hell or high water.
“Luke…” Jade’s eyes were doubtful.
“Look, Jade, I know it’s a long shot, alright? But I can’t not try. If we don’t find Noah soon, they’re going to kill him!” He was just this side of hysterics again. And okay, he didn’t actually think the Colonel would kill Noah. But those men definitely would hurt him. Badly. And there was a chance they could disappear forever, which to Luke felt pretty much like dying. And he and Noah still had far too much to do, far too much to share, to die now. So yeah, he was going.
Casey firmly pulled his and Luke’s arms free from Jade’s grasp. “I know the area you’re talking about. There’s a bunch of abandoned cabins, they could totally be there.” He turned to Jade. “Call my mom, tell her to go out there too. Then go find Luke’s parents.”
Luke pushed his cell phone into her hands. “Maybe they can do something with the number Noah called me from. See if they can trace it or whatever.”
“Oh, hell no. I’m coming with you guys!” Jade protested.
“You’re wearing, like, twenty-inch heels, Jade. Not exactly great hiking gear,” Casey pointed out.
Jade sighed in acknowledgement. “Okay, then, just… don’t do anything stupid, okay? Don’t do anything you.”
Casey had a comeback ready by Luke stepped between them. “We don’t have time for this, let’s go!” This time Luke grabbed Casey’s arm, pulled him off in the direction of the parking lot. No matter what, the only way Luke was going home now was if Noah was with him.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Someone must have hit the slow-motion button. That was the only way to explain what he was experiencing right now. And this person must have messed up the audio feed too, because every sound seemed to hit his ears like twenty seconds later than it should. All in all, things were definitely bad. He knew he was in pain, but his brain just wasn’t registering it. All he felt, all he could understand, was cold. He was so cold.
Not long ago he had been talking to someone (Who was it? Luke?) and the voice had kept him warm, made him feel like there would be an end to this hell he was stuck in. A happy ending. But the voice (Luke) was gone now, and he definitely had another broken rib. And it was so damn cold, he couldn’t stop shaking. Fortunately, focusing on that discomfort helped him ignore the person crouching next to him. Unfortunately, that person didn’t seem too discouraged by it.
A hand gripped his jaw tightly, pulling his head up, twisting it to the left and right as though inspecting his face. “This is starting to wear on my patience, Noah.” It took him too long to recognize the voice, but the hold on his jaw was painfully familiar. Hi, Dad. “I don’t think you understand yet. It’s not a matter of me letting you go, leaving you alone. You are coming with me. It’s just a matter of when. Resisting all of this only delays the inevitable. And it causes us unnecessary pain.”
That was true, this was a lot of unnecessary pain. Being his father’s son had been an unnecessary pain his entire life. “Just tell me you’re ready to start over, and all of this stops. And we’ll be a family again.” Noah wondered idly if insanity was a genetic trait. He didn’t want to end up this crazy some day. “Come on, son. This is the only way we could ever be happy.”
He couldn’t trust his voice right now, so instead he just shook his head. Yeah, this is pretty much as far from happy as he could get.
Winston’s face had grown stony, cold. Noah was so sick of the cold. “This is ridiculous. You have the chance to make me happy, make me proud. Why would you stay here in this life? No friends, no family, what have you done to be proud of? What have you done that would make people want to be around you? This is a time you can make me proud. I want you with me, son. I sought you out, found you, brought you here to help you. You’ve been with me for almost five days, Noah, and no one’s come close to finding you. They must not be looking all that hard.”
He pushed away the shock of five days and tried to stay collected in front of his father. No, they were looking for him, right? Luke had just said on the phone that he would find him. “Luke-”
A fist gripped the front of his still soaked shirt. “Obviously doesn’t miss you that much if he couldn’t find you in five days. And look at yourself. Is he really going to want you now? Damaged, weak… Who would want to be with someone as messed up as you are? I can help you. Let me help you.”
“If I’m messed up it’s because of you,” he whispered, blinking back tears. He didn’t want to be messed up anymore. He didn’t want to be damaged or weak. He hated disappointing people.
“No, son, I’ve done the best I can. You were just never good enough, and it’s been a battle since the day you were born.” As an afterthought, the real twisting of the knife: “No wonder your mother left.”
And damn if that didn’t punch him in the gut harder than any fist could. “No, no, no. She left you- you made her go!”
Winston smiled. Game, set, match. “And she had plenty of time to come back. Or plenty of opportunities to take you away with her. So why didn’t she? All those times I went away and left you alone to watch the house- I remember one time, I was in Japan for almost the entire month!- did she ever reappear?” He shook his head again. “It just proves what I’ve been saying, Noah. I’m the only person in your life that can care about you. About making you into the man you should be.”
It was all too overwhelming. Noah hated that his father could still get to him like this. It felt like being poisoned, like the Colonel’s words were dropped into his brain and spread through his bloodstream. And for as hard as Noah was currently trying to cough his lungs up, he couldn’t get rid of the poison. He tried to tell himself he didn’t care. He tried to convince himself that his father- the man who had known him longer than anyone else in his life- didn’t know anything about him.
He was wrong.
Wasn’t he?
Noah was having a hard time accessing that practical part of his brain (“mulish and idealistic” Luke would teasingly say, and “pragmatic” is what he would argue back with). No, Noah. Wake up. Can’t get distracted right now, even if it is to think about Luke. (Luke said they were looking for him, they would find him. Was he just saying that for Noah’s benefit?)
Wake up. Think logically. Even if they are looking for you (Luke said they were), they can’t do everything. You have to get yourself out of this. (Could they trace his phone call? Would Luke talk to Jack or Margo? Was he even a “case” for a detective to be assigned to?) No, Noah. Wake up!
Really, he had two options. He could give in to his father, and go back to the miserable, lonely life he had grown up with. He’d never see Luke again, never eat Emma’s cookies, never see Faith graduate high school, (never see Luke again) never find out if Casey would finally be able to choose between Jade and Ali, never hear another one of Brad’s impossibly dumb observations, (never see Luke again) never go on that road trip to Seattle with Aaron. Never see Luke again. Okay, so Option A wasn’t a favorite.
Option B was to continue on resisting like this, until the crack team of the Oakdale PD (oh God, he was so screwed) burst in with guns blazing. Or these guys killed him. Well then. Option B was only looking slightly better.
Of course, there was the wildcard of Option C, which seemed the most likely right now- pass out and never wake up. Noah could feel that blackness at the back of his brain, slowly pulling him away. No! Come on, Noah. You know your father is wrong; prove it by fighting. You’re stronger than him. (The voice in his head was sounding like Luke again. And Luke- imaginary or otherwise- knew him better than anyone, right?)
Noah squinted, finally focusing his blurry vision on his father. “Dad?” he began, mumbling through cracked, almost-numb lips. His father nodded, eyes widening with what looked a little like hope and a lot like triumph. Like Noah was just a war game he’d do anything to win at. The disgust that went through Noah gave him the courage he needed to keep talking. “When we ‘start over,’ does that mean I have to find a whole new boyfriend? ’Cause getting this first one was kind of a difficult process and-”
With an almost inhuman growl Winston shoved Noah’s face back to the floor, his own disgust evident on his face.
Once upon a time this would have hurt Noah, and maybe it still did a little, but now it also encouraged him on: “Of course, Luke’s more than just my boyfriend. He’s also my roommate. We just signed a lease on an apartment. If you and I ‘start over,’ the landlord’s going to be pissed.” Winston stood up and paced a few feet away from him. Maybe the insanity was genetic, because Noah kept talking: “And he’s my lover too, did you know that? We’ve been sleeping together for months now. In fact, we had sex the day you took me from Java. Several times-”
Noah almost welcomed this hit when it landed, telling himself it was worth it. It totally was.
“Damn it Noah.” Winston wasn’t yelling. Uh-oh. That stopped Noah’s internal victory dance. The Colonel was always at his worst when he was past yelling. Noah unconsciously tried to back up, but the chains around his arms just tightened spitefully. “You know, it hurts me that you would continue to… to flaunt this in front of me. After everything I’ve done for you, that you would still act this way…” Winston shook his head sadly, as though he was the one in pain. Noah begged to differ there. “Denying me this one thing…” He was leaning over again, staring into Noah’s face. “I just can’t understand why you would do this to me.”
“This is who I am, Dad.” He didn’t care that his voice cracked, that he had to pause after every few syllables to catch his breath. There had to be a way to get through to his father. “I’m sorry it hurts you, but I can’t change who I am.”
He had never seen his dad look so sad before. “Please, son. I don’t want to have to do this.” Noah frowned, confused. Do what? What more could he possibly do? And, even worse, what more could Noah take? “I’m giving you another chance to do the right thing. Let this go. Show me you can still be the man I raised you to be.”
No matter how hard he or Imaginary-Luke tried to think otherwise, the words still stung. But it also kept Noah from giving in. He wasn’t eight or twelve or fifteen anymore. His father couldn’t bully and guilt Noah into submission. “No.” His voice was quiet and bare. He almost sounded like he was that little kid again, but he wouldn’t act that way. “No. I’m better than the man you raised me to be.” And part of him maybe actually believed that.
Winston took a few steps back, staring at his son, before giving a short and decisive nod. “Then so be it.” He started backing off to the stairs.
“What?” This was completely not the reaction he had been expecting. He turned his head to track his father’s movements.
The man sighed. “I tried, Noah, didn’t I? I’ve tried to do everything I can to set you on the right path. To show you what’s right and what’s wrong.” Noah couldn’t help but chuckle darkly at that. Yes, his father had definitely shown him what was wrong with the world. Winston’s jaw tightened but he continued anyway. “But it hasn’t been enough. So if this is what you want to be…” he trailed off, the implied threat hanging in the air between them. Noah just couldn’t figure out what the threat actually was.
But when his father took another step back, Noah’s uneasiness grew. And when Alan stepped out of the shadows of the basement, he had to wonder if this was just another nightmare. He had forgotten Alan was even here; Alan was the one who had beaten him for stealing the cell phone. And he hadn’t left. This couldn’t really be happening, could it? No. It couldn’t. But why wasn’t he waking up then?
“Dad. No,” Noah gasped, pulled uselessly on the chains, as Winston moved even farther away and Alan moved even closer, like synchronized swimmers. Like soldiers in formation.
“I’m sorry, Noah. But if this is what you choose to be… You have to see how wrong it is. Now, I didn’t want to have to resort to this, but you gave me no choice.”
“No. Dad, please. No-” Noah choked, terrified. His lungs, already crackling and heavy from his near-drowning, now threatened to close up completely. He kind of wished he could use Option C right now and pass out. It may not stop Alan, but at least he wouldn’t have to… feel anything. Noah shuddered again, pleading with his father. “Dad, if you love me, if you love me at all, you won’t do this. You won’t let this happen! Please!”
Winston had already moved up three steps. “It’s because I love you, Noah, that we’re doing this. I have to show you how wrong this is, how wrong you are. If you had just…” he paused, took a breath, and continued on calmly. “You asked for this. You did. You have no one to blame but yourself.”
Noah shook his head. No no no. “Please!” he tried again, not caring that he was begging. They couldn’t do this to him! What would everyone think of him? What would Luke… “Dad, no, you can’t do this.”
His father resolutely turned his back on his son and walked up the remaining stairs. “We’ll talk again later, see if you’ve changed your mind by then.” His steps were firm, ignoring the shouts and pleading of his son on the floor behind him. His son. He hoped that maybe after this, Noah would realize he could still be Winston Mayer’s son.
Noah continued to yell and struggle mindlessly, caught up in a panic. He tried to fight as a shadow loomed over him, an almost-sinister laugh echoing in his ears. But there was nothing he could do as the shadow reached down, gripped his upper arms tightly, and rolled him onto his back. Noah may have been crying, he wasn’t sure. He felt his brain going numb, wished his body would do the same. He didn’t want to feel the hands that were now on him, moving up and down…
He tried to twist away, curl up and protect himself, but the hands were too insistent. They yanked him onto his back again, one hand hitting him hard across the face. By the time the stars cleared from his vision, the hands had tied his feet down with who-knows-what, making it impossible for him to kick out, to move. To escape.
He was really past panicking now. Oh God oh God oh God. “Don’t. Please, please don’t do this.” He barely recognized his own voice. Was he already broken?
Alan didn’t even bother responding, beyond laughing at him again. He tugged Noah’s wet shirt up just a few inches, watching fascinated as the muscles of his stomach fluttered and heaved with each pained gasp of air. Noah bucked up in terror when a hand started tracing the lines of his abdomen. He began crying out protests again, insulting, begging, anything.
Then his eyes closed involuntarily when a heavy weight settled over him, straddling him. The weight was on his legs, but somehow Noah felt it fall on his stomach and heart, nearly making him sick with fear. Oh God. He needed Luke.
But it wasn’t Luke who groped at him violently, who put bruising kisses on his mouth and neck, who continued to hit him when he struggled. This was a nightmare he wasn’t going to wake up from. And when he heard a slicing sound, felt cold air on his skin and realized his shirt was being ripped apart, he had to turn his face away.
He knew there was nothing he could do, and he hated himself. His eyes still closed, he prayed for the darkness lurking in the back of his brain to take him away as soon as possible. And he really hoped he’d never wake up again.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The first few minutes in the car were a tense silence, until Casey tentatively broke it. “You didn’t mean it, right?” Luke looked at him, confused. Casey kept his eyes on the road. “When you said they’d kill Noah. They wouldn’t, would they?”
Luke was silent for a moment, drumming his sore fingers on his knee. Sore, because he had bitten his nails almost clean off. “I don’t know,” he replied quietly, terrified by his own honesty.
“But, it’s his dad,” Casey had to protest. “Yeah, okay, sure he’s psycho-go-nuts, but he wouldn’t do that to his own son…” he trailed off, trying to prompt Luke to say something reassuring.
But Luke couldn’t. “Casey…”
“Luke, it’s his son! He’s sick, but he loves Noah, doesn’t he?”
Luke shook his head. “I’m not sure if he loves Noah so much as he loves the idea of Noah. A son to carry on with the Mayer DNA and reputation or whatever. He never really treated Noah like family. Like a father should.” The idea of Holden Snyder or Tom Hughes acting this way was impossible to comprehend. Casey shook his head, while Luke continued, “Noah coming out might have pushed Colonel Mayer over the edge, but he was never a… a nice guy.”
Casey swallowed hard, his next question getting stuck in his throat. “Did he ever… did he ever hurt Noah, when he was little?” Luke’s silence was enough of an answer. “Jesus.”
“Noah doesn’t know I know,” Luke said quietly. This time it was his turn to stare straight ahead. “After his father died- or whatever- last summer, and Noah was isolating himself off from everyone, I- I contacted some army bases they’d lived on, some public records people. I just wanted to find out what kind of man the Colonel was before I had met him, maybe find out why Noah was so upset by his death, why he was punishing himself so much.”
“And?” Casey was struggling between really wanting to know and really not wanting to know.
“There were a couple of vague reports filed,” Luke could actually feel his voice harden. “Stuff like child endangerment, ‘possible’ neglect, ‘possible’ assault. No charges were ever brought up.” He anticipated Casey’s next question. “There were never any real witnesses or concrete evidence, just suspicions. And whenever Noah was questioned, he wouldn’t say anything.”
“He was scared,” Casey guessed.
Luke felt himself nod mechanically. “His whole life, he’s been bullied and mistreated by his father. So right now? I have no idea what Winston Mayer might be doing.” Abused was the word, but Luke couldn’t bring himself to say it. Beaten was another one, but he never wanted to think that in context with his boyfriend.
“Jesus,” Casey said again, thinking along the same lines. “I didn’t know.”
“Neither did I. Noah still doesn’t talk about the specifics of his childhood, he always stays so carefully vague. I think that’s why. He’s still scared.”
“Yeah, well, now so am I,” Casey muttered, gripping the steering wheel tighter as he pulled into the campgrounds.
Luke’s fingers tapped even more anxiously. His eyes scanned the woods around them, foolishly hoping a giant neon sign would flash NOAH IS HERE! Or, even better, Noah would just pop out in front of them on the road, perfectly fine and ready to go home, asking if they Tivo-ed his shows while he was gone. But, of course, no such luck. “Where are those cabins?”
“Not far,” Casey answered. “Like another twenty minutes.” Luke wanted to point out that twenty minutes would be like twenty hours, but he kept quiet. “Should we, I don’t know, park pretty soon and walk the rest? They’d hear a car coming, I think.”
“Yeah, yeah. Good idea.” Luke hadn’t thought of that. That’s one of those practical, rational thoughts that Luke usually relied on Noah to have. And then he almost started crying, full out sobbing, right then and there. It wasn’t just because he was scared, and worried for Noah, or worried that this campground hunt would all be a bust and he had gotten his hopes up for nothing.
No. He really wanted to cry just because he missed Noah. And part of him had to own up to the fact that he had gotten used to having Noah around and wasn’t really able to think of a future without Noah in it. God, he was a mess. “Casey. Thanks for doing this.” He would have gone crazy(er) without his friend, he knew that.
Casey just shrugged, pulling the car over after a few more minutes of driving. “Hey, he’s my friend too. I want to help.” He shut off the engine before finally turning to look at Luke. “And I won’t tell anyone. What you just told me, about Noah’s childhood? I’ll keep it quiet.”
Luke smiled just a little. “Thank you,” he said again. They walked on in silence for a few minutes, Luke letting Casey take the lead. But the silence allowed for Luke’s imagination to crowd his brain again, and all the possible situations in which they could find Noah were starting to make his hands shake. “How did you know about this place?” he finally asked, needing to distract himself.
Casey had the good grace to look a little embarrassed. “Well, uh, it used to be a good place to bring a girl and a six pack in high school.”
And then Luke actually smiled again. “I wouldn’t know.”
A few more minutes of hiking, and then Casey slowed down nearly to a halt, holding up a hand for Luke to be quiet. “We’re here,” he whispered. Then, pointing: “And so is someone else.” Luke followed Casey to the edge of the treeline surrounding a clearing of six old, dilapidated cabins. He looked to where Casey was pointing, and sucked in a sharp breath.
It was the van. The van, the one that had taken Noah away from him, was parked along with a pickup truck next to one of the cabins. Luke couldn’t take his wide eyes off of the building, even though Casey was watching him closely. He nodded. “It’s them.” God, Noah was in there. Noah was right there.
Casey’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “You sure?” he whispered back. Luke just nodded again, taking a few steps closer. Casey twitched, startled, when Luke moved past him towards the cabin. “What are you doing?!” he hissed, trying to grab Luke’s arm.
“I- I just… we need to see if they’re in there. Get an idea of the situation and then get the cops here as soon as possible.” It was the first excuse Luke could come up with. Really? He was hoping he’d see Noah. He slowly, silently, made his way closer to a back window.
Casey cursed every curse he could think of, then made a few more up and cursed them too. “Wait for me!” he followed behind, glad that his sneakers didn’t make noise on the forest floor. He caught up with Luke just as they reached the window. The two of them peeked in, seeing a rusty, bare kitchen with a wooden table taking up most of the room. And sitting at that table was Colonel Winston Mayer and another man, this one sporting a lazy grin on his face and a faded bruise across his temple. Luke perversely hoped he’d gotten it from Noah.
That thought made him quickly search the room, but Noah wasn’t there. ‘He must still be in the basement,’ Luke thought to himself, praying his boyfriend was okay. Movement in the kitchen brought his attention back, and he noticed Casey’s eyes widen when another man tensely entered the room and leaned against the kitchen counter. It must have been the guy Casey saw at Java.
“What is it?” Mayer asked. Luke and Casey exchanged a glance, surprised that they could hear the conversation.
The man by the counter shook his head. “I can’t… I just can’t believe it came to this. It’s coming to this. I didn’t sign up for that.” He gestured off somewhere behind him. “Win… what we’re doing now-”
The Colonel stood up quickly, with a kind of menace that reminded Luke of the grizzly bears on Animal Planet before they attack. “You ‘signed up’ to follow my orders. And that is what you will do, Tim. You know there’s no turning back now. Just… just give me a little more time. Noah is coming to his senses, I know he is. It won’t be much longer now.”
The blood in Luke’s veins ran cold at the mention of his boyfriend. Coming to his senses? What were they doing to him? He felt Casey grab his arm in what was probably a bruising hold, but Luke couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything but the slow thrum of adrenaline in his body steadily getting stronger. He was a ticking time bomb, and the timer was counting down.
Casey must have realized this, because before Luke knew it he was being dragged silently away from the window, back into the cover of the trees. Casey shoved him down against a broad tree trunk, hiding him from view of the cabins, and crouched down next to him. “Breathe,” was all he said, even as he pulled out his cell phone and hit a speed dial.
Luke concentrated on following the command, deep breaths in and out, trying to fight back the adrenaline that told him to run into that cabin and choke the life out of those men, to find Noah and never ever let him go ever again. He couldn’t hear what Casey was saying until he heard his own name mentioned. He looked up again.
“They’re almost here already,” Casey assured him quickly. “Jade called them, my mom said they’ll be here in a few minutes, Luke. This will all be over soon.” Casey wasn’t sure if that sounded comforting or ominous. He hoped the former, feared the latter.
Luke nodded, but his eyes never strayed from the cabin, almost afraid to blink in case it- and the people inside- suddenly disappeared. It took everything in him not to spontaneously combust right then and there. It was so not in his nature to sit still and wait for the friggin’ cops, but Fake-Noah popped up in his brain once more, sternly reminding him that storming the cabin would just put himself, Casey and Real-Noah in danger. Luke grumbled mentally, balled his hands into tight fists, but had to agree.
Casey fidgeted next to him, checking his watch and his cell phone every twenty seconds. Luke continued staring at the cabin, trying to send some telepathic message to Noah: We’re here, it’s going to be okay. Hold on just a little longer. I’m here. I love you. He then held his breath, actually hoping that he’d hear a message from Noah in return. But there was nothing, and Luke bit his lip to keep from screaming something. Anything.
And then Casey’s hand was on his shoulder, and Jack, Dallas, Margo, and over a dozen other people were standing next to them. Some were Oakdale PD, some looked like state cops, and the rest were people Luke didn’t recognize- military people, government people? Whatever, it didn’t matter. They could be Jedi knights in training for all he cared, as long as they did their job and got Noah back to him safely.
Jack hurried over, pulled Luke up to his feet and back a few yards, away from the clearing. “You okay?” he asked in a whisper. Luke could tell he was in full on Detective Mode: his shoulders set more square than usual, eyes taking everything in, one hand resting steadily on his holstered gun.
“Ask me again tomorrow,” Luke answered just as quietly. Jack nodded sympathetically, his mind already moving on to the task at hand. Luke moved over to join Casey and Margo who were already deep in discussion.
“We’re letting the federal agents take the lead on this,” Margo told them. “We’re going to storm the cabin, take out the Colonel and his men. After- and only after- they’ve been secured, we’ll search the place for Noah.”
“Shouldn’t finding Noah be the priority?” Luke demanded as quietly as possible. After all, it was his priority.
“It is, Luke, I promise it is. But the feds think- and I agree- that the smartest thing to do is get Colonel Mayer out of the equation. Think about it, do you really want to risk him being around to hurt Noah more?” Margo didn’t give him time to answer, looking at something over his shoulder. “Okay, it’s time. You two stay here, don’t even think about getting involved until I say so.” She patted both of them on the shoulders hurriedly before moving into position behind the fed team. Jack and Dallas and the other cops were already set.
The next few minutes were a sudden blur of running feet and doors being forced open and shouting. It was the gunshots that drew Luke out of his panic-induced haze. He and Casey tried to rush forward, but a cop held them back, shaking his head, relaying information back and forth with his radio, apparently without any clue of just how much he was killing Luke.
“Who was shooting? Is everyone okay? Is my mom okay?” Apparently Casey was just as frantic. The cop, who Luke had just decided to call Jerky McAsshole until further notice, really started to live up to his new nickname by holding up a hand to silence the boys, still not giving them any information.
Just when Luke was contemplating where to stash Jerky's body after he strangled him to death (Fake-Noah shaking his head, throwing up his hands in defeat), the cop looked over at them. “The suspects have been apprehended,” he said. “Lieutenant Hughes- she’s fine, by the way- says it’s safe for you two to go up to the cabin now. She-”
Luke didn’t wait for the rest, dashing back to the clearing with Casey almost literally on his heels. Both were brought up short by the sight in front of them. Law enforcement guys were everywhere, and Colonel Winston Mayer himself was being led out of the cabin in handcuffs, struggling against the men holding him (one of whom Luke absent-mindedly recognized as Dallas). Luke didn’t see Jack anywhere.
He watched, suddenly feeling numb, as Mayer was put into a squad car. The man never noticed Luke, and Luke couldn’t bring himself to go after the Colonel. It didn’t matter, he didn’t matter. Luke was getting so tired of discovering new depths of anger for this man, it was wearing him out. He just… he just wanted Noah.
Another man (Tim Kelley, Luke remembered) was brought out next. The man was very quiet, very calm, a man who had accepted defeat already. Luke’s eyes were drawn away from him when the next person was brought out. On a stretcher. Luke sucked in a harsh breath, stumbling forward at the sight of the bloody, still form being carried out of the cabin.
“Luke!” Casey grabbed him around the waist from behind, trying to hold him back.
“No…” Luke thought he should be screaming, he was screaming in his head for sure. But it came out of his mouth so quietly. He tried to pull free from his friend, but Casey just held on tighter. “No.”
“Hey.” Somehow Jack was there in front of him, holding both of his shoulders steadily. Luke tried to look past him at the stretcher. There was so much blood… “Luke, it’s not him.”
What? “What?”
Jack’s face was still Detective-calm, but his eyes held that same gentle look he used to give while patching up skinned knees or bee stings. “It’s Alan Reddik. He got hit when we stormed the cabin. It’s not Noah, okay?”
Luke could breathe again. Maybe not normally, but enough to acknowledge his cousin. “O-okay.” He looked at Jack, then the cabin, then Jack again. “Where is he?”
“Boys…” Margo stepped up from out of nowhere before Jack could answer. A state cop pulled Jack to the side, speaking quietly in his ear. Jack looked at the cop for a moment before nodding and hurrying away without another word.
Luke had already forgotten he’d been there at all. “Where’s Noah? Is he okay?” he asked Margo, with Casey echoing the questions a beat behind him. The look on Margo’s face nearly drove Luke to his knees. “Oh God. What happened to him?”
“We don’t know, Luke.” Margo looked so sorry.
Luke shook his head, not understanding. “What does that mean? Where is he?”
“What’s going on, Mom?” Casey demanded next to him.
Margo was obviously trying to stay as calm and commanding as possible. “We found the basement, searched it. Guys, it was empty.” They still stared at her. Margo took an impossibly deep breath. “Noah isn’t here.”
TO BE CONTINUED! Coming Up: Luke and Casey continue the search, the Snyders gather to hear news about Noah...
Chapter: 6/15
Author: carolinablu85, also known as CarolinaBlue on vh.net or CarolinaBlu on the wiki (I know, I'm a fountain of creative names)
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Rating: PG 13-ish to R now, it gets a little dark here - violence, abuse and non-con moments (not graphic)
Spoilers: set in spring 2009, after Luke and Noah battle housing discrimination but before Damian/evil twins. Thus, before the Colonel came back from the dead last year
Summary: A phone call spurs Luke into action, Winston decides to punish his son.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: The first major 'epic' story I ever wrote (and finished)!
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5
“Okay, ice cream? Cheese fries? Shopping spree? Anything but alcohol, and it’s yours, dude. Whatever you want.”
“Casey!” Jade smacked him in the chest, eyeing Luke nervously. Luke just shook his head, smiling a little. It wasn’t really funny, but he appreciated Casey’s effort to cheer him up. Just like he appreciated Casey and Jade getting him out of the house and out to Old Town, keeping his mind off Fake-Noah and the real liquor bottles (not that he would ever tell them about that incident; they probably thought he was crazy enough as it was).
The three settled down on a bench, and Luke refrained from telling them that it was the same bench that he and Noah had sat on just a few weeks ago, when he had told off that guy at the foundation meeting. When Noah had been proud of Luke, had confessed in his own sweet Noah-Mayer-way that he was glad Luke was done being a whining, moping emo brat. Okay, maybe Luke was paraphrasing there.
Luke refrained from telling them that they had left this bench and spent the rest of that day and night happily in bed together, reminding each other of how special and loved the other one was.
Of course, Casey and Jade wouldn’t have been listening to him anyway, because they had been sitting down for less than a minute when some petty argument started up. Luke swore those two started fights just for the fun of it now, though he had to admit they were pretty entertaining to watch. His cell phone rang just as Casey brought up the whole convenience-store-robbing boyfriend, and Luke reluctantly tuned them out to answer.
It was a number he didn’t recognize. “Hello?” No response. He could hear something on the other end, not static, so he knew it wasn’t a dropped call. Somebody dialed him by accident maybe? “Hello?” he prompted again.
There another was a beat of silence, and Luke was about to hang up with a shrug when a faint, hoarse voice finally spoke up. “Luke?”
Time stopped.
Time absolutely stopped. Casey and Jade were still making noise next to him, people were walking by, but Luke could comprehend nothing except the voice sounding strained and distant on the other end of the phone. “N-Noah?” he stuttered, disbelieving. Casey’s head snapped up to stare at him. He and Jade fell silent, even as Luke leapt to his feet, words spilling out and feet pacing in a crazy figure-eight pattern around the bench. “Where are you? Are you okay? Are you…”
“Luke?” Noah’s voice was breathless, faded, and it wasn’t from the cell phone connection. He sounded horrible- defeated, beaten. Which, considering his father, was probably pretty close to the truth.
Luke felt another bolt of fear shoot through him. Where was Noah? How was he calling him? “I’m here, Noah. Tell me where you are,” he commanded, forcing himself to stay calm. He was aware of Casey and Jade standing with him, but he didn’t acknowledge them, couldn’t. He was focused completely on Noah. “Please, baby, tell me where you are.”
“Basement,” Noah stammered. He sounded confused, and Luke wondered if he had a concussion.
“What basement, Noah?” he hoped repeating his name would ground Noah, bring him back a little closer to lucidity. He was still with his father? Was he was sneaking this phone call out to Luke? God, this could be really dangerous. “Where is it?”
“In a cabin,” Noah spoke so tentatively, Luke wanted to cry. He had never felt frustration like this before, not even when he was stuck in a wheelchair. Now he was stuck, apart from Noah, unable to do anything about it. This is what real paralysis felt like. “In the woods?” Noah continued, unsure, coughing roughly. “There was water, I fell… I fell in water…”
“Water?” Luke was at a loss. Casey and Jade were wordlessly begging him to fill them in, following in his wake like ducklings after their mother. He waved them away when Noah spoke again.
“I tried to run away, Luke. I tried to get home, find you…” Noah’s breathing was rushed. He groaned softly, and Luke could hear slight movement in the background, like Noah was trying to shift his body but couldn’t. “But they caught up with me, I’m sorry. I didn’t get away. I’m so sorry,” he was rambling a little, which terrified Luke. Noah didn’t ramble like this.
“It’s okay, Noah, it’s okay. Keep talking, tell me about the cabin.” He made frantic eye contact with Casey, motioned to his cell phone.
Casey nodded, dialing his mom’s number. “What the hell- a cabin?” he whispered while waiting for Margo to pick up.
“It’s cold,” Noah said, his voice starting to drift away.
“Noah!” Luke called him back frantically. Had he been drugged? Was he hurt badly? Was he bleeding, or-? “Talk to me, tell me how you are! Are you okay?”
“No,” was the simple, straightforward answer. Luke’s stomach flip-flopped even more. Noah admitting to not being fine? That was Luke’s worst nightmare. “They’re going to come back soon,” Noah continued, just this side of whispering. “I can’t… I can’t do it Luke. I can’t do what he wants. I want to go home.”
“You will, I promise you will. I’ll find you, you just have to hold on, okay?” Luke tried to reassure him. Damn it, he just wanted to have Noah in his arms right now. He had no idea what he could do; could the call be traced? Margo and Jack had to be able to do something.
“I can’t, Luke. He’s going to come after me again, and I won’t be able to fight him!” Noah was near panic now. “I’m… I’m scared. My dad is… He- Alan, he’ll…” Noah’s voice shook, and he let out what sounded like a choking sob.
Luke’s eyes widened, ice pouring through his veins. He stopped moving, Jade a step behind him. No, this was Luke’s worst nightmare. What Brett had alluded to at the station… Nonononononono! “Noah, listen to me,” Luke felt his own voice shake, but he continued on. Jade was staring at him fearfully, no idea what was going on but figuring it must be bad. She put her hand on his stiff shoulder.
“Listen, we’re going to find you. I will find you, and I’ll get you out of there, and you’ll be okay, and we’ll be together and move into our apartment and watch your boring old movies together every Friday night and…” Luke swallowed back his tears. “Just, just hold on. For me, okay?” Luke didn’t know what else to say, there had to be some way to give Noah the hope that he’d be saved.
“Luke,” Noah’s voice cracked again. “I-” suddenly there were other sounds on his end of the phone. Luke could just make out the sound of deep voices, heavy thumps. A door slamming.
“No,” Luke and Noah breathed out at the same time.
Luke could hear the real fear in his boyfriend’s voice and had to do something about it. “Noah, I’m right here, okay? I’m right here. It’s going to be okay, we’ll find you soon. I promise.” Noah had no acknowledgement for him, but Luke could hear the sounds getting closer, more talking, and Noah’s harsh and panicked gasps. “Listen to me. I love you Noah, I love you. You’ll see me soon, I promi-”
“Son of a bitch!” someone yelled. Luke could hear more movement, getting louder. “Kid stole my cell phone!” The sound got clearer- footsteps getting closer. “What do you think you’re doing, boy?!” There was the sound of flesh meeting flesh- someone getting hit- and Noah cried out.
“Noah!” Luke yelled out frantically.
“Say goodbye to your boyfriend, kid,” the voice called out, and Luke wasn’t sure if it was directed to him or Noah. Either way, he was starting to hyperventilate, beyond horrified. He could heard Noah getting hit again. Noah wasn’t crying out this time, or talking. Or making any sound at all.
Luke was just about to yell his name, tell him he loved him again, when the line went dead. “No,” Luke whispered. He barely noticed Casey and Jade grabbing his arms as he sank to his knees on the ground.
“Luke?” Casey asked urgently. “My mom’s on her way here. What happened? What-?”
Luke shook his head, unaware that Casey and Jade were still holding his arms. “They’re hurting him. Oh God. He’s hurt and they caught him calling me, and…” he took a breath, looking intently at Casey. “Case… he said something about Alan.”
Jade looked back and forth between them, confused, but Casey rocked back on his heels, closing his eyes in dread. “Damn it.” After that day with Brett at the police station, Casey had had a hard time not thinking about what could be happening to Noah. It had kept him up at night, fighting off freak-out after freak-out. And he knew he was taking it out on his mom, questioning her every time she came home or answered the phone, but he just couldn’t help it. He had no idea how Luke was keeping from going crazy. He rubbed a hand over his mouth anxiously. “What do you want to do? What can we do?”
Luke struggled to his feet. “I’m going to find him. Now.”
“Luke, you can’t-”
Jade tried to interject, but Luke pulled away. “No. He’s out there and he didn’t sound like he could hold on much longer. He said he’s in a cabin in the woods, near a river or a pond or something.” Casey nodded, pulling out his car keys determinedly, his body getting tense with anticipation. Luke found he was readying himself in the same way.
“So? Guys, that could be anywhere!” Jade tried to hold both their arms at the same time. It wasn’t working.
“Out of those men, Colonel Mayer’s the only one who’s been to Oakdale before. And the only place I know he’s been to that fits that description is the camping area where he took me and Noah when he tried to kill me.” Luke was so far passed thinking of that time. If he didn’t do something now, something bad was going to happen to Noah. That was all that mattered. Finally, there was something he could do. And Luke was going to do it, come hell or high water.
“Luke…” Jade’s eyes were doubtful.
“Look, Jade, I know it’s a long shot, alright? But I can’t not try. If we don’t find Noah soon, they’re going to kill him!” He was just this side of hysterics again. And okay, he didn’t actually think the Colonel would kill Noah. But those men definitely would hurt him. Badly. And there was a chance they could disappear forever, which to Luke felt pretty much like dying. And he and Noah still had far too much to do, far too much to share, to die now. So yeah, he was going.
Casey firmly pulled his and Luke’s arms free from Jade’s grasp. “I know the area you’re talking about. There’s a bunch of abandoned cabins, they could totally be there.” He turned to Jade. “Call my mom, tell her to go out there too. Then go find Luke’s parents.”
Luke pushed his cell phone into her hands. “Maybe they can do something with the number Noah called me from. See if they can trace it or whatever.”
“Oh, hell no. I’m coming with you guys!” Jade protested.
“You’re wearing, like, twenty-inch heels, Jade. Not exactly great hiking gear,” Casey pointed out.
Jade sighed in acknowledgement. “Okay, then, just… don’t do anything stupid, okay? Don’t do anything you.”
Casey had a comeback ready by Luke stepped between them. “We don’t have time for this, let’s go!” This time Luke grabbed Casey’s arm, pulled him off in the direction of the parking lot. No matter what, the only way Luke was going home now was if Noah was with him.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Someone must have hit the slow-motion button. That was the only way to explain what he was experiencing right now. And this person must have messed up the audio feed too, because every sound seemed to hit his ears like twenty seconds later than it should. All in all, things were definitely bad. He knew he was in pain, but his brain just wasn’t registering it. All he felt, all he could understand, was cold. He was so cold.
Not long ago he had been talking to someone (Who was it? Luke?) and the voice had kept him warm, made him feel like there would be an end to this hell he was stuck in. A happy ending. But the voice (Luke) was gone now, and he definitely had another broken rib. And it was so damn cold, he couldn’t stop shaking. Fortunately, focusing on that discomfort helped him ignore the person crouching next to him. Unfortunately, that person didn’t seem too discouraged by it.
A hand gripped his jaw tightly, pulling his head up, twisting it to the left and right as though inspecting his face. “This is starting to wear on my patience, Noah.” It took him too long to recognize the voice, but the hold on his jaw was painfully familiar. Hi, Dad. “I don’t think you understand yet. It’s not a matter of me letting you go, leaving you alone. You are coming with me. It’s just a matter of when. Resisting all of this only delays the inevitable. And it causes us unnecessary pain.”
That was true, this was a lot of unnecessary pain. Being his father’s son had been an unnecessary pain his entire life. “Just tell me you’re ready to start over, and all of this stops. And we’ll be a family again.” Noah wondered idly if insanity was a genetic trait. He didn’t want to end up this crazy some day. “Come on, son. This is the only way we could ever be happy.”
He couldn’t trust his voice right now, so instead he just shook his head. Yeah, this is pretty much as far from happy as he could get.
Winston’s face had grown stony, cold. Noah was so sick of the cold. “This is ridiculous. You have the chance to make me happy, make me proud. Why would you stay here in this life? No friends, no family, what have you done to be proud of? What have you done that would make people want to be around you? This is a time you can make me proud. I want you with me, son. I sought you out, found you, brought you here to help you. You’ve been with me for almost five days, Noah, and no one’s come close to finding you. They must not be looking all that hard.”
He pushed away the shock of five days and tried to stay collected in front of his father. No, they were looking for him, right? Luke had just said on the phone that he would find him. “Luke-”
A fist gripped the front of his still soaked shirt. “Obviously doesn’t miss you that much if he couldn’t find you in five days. And look at yourself. Is he really going to want you now? Damaged, weak… Who would want to be with someone as messed up as you are? I can help you. Let me help you.”
“If I’m messed up it’s because of you,” he whispered, blinking back tears. He didn’t want to be messed up anymore. He didn’t want to be damaged or weak. He hated disappointing people.
“No, son, I’ve done the best I can. You were just never good enough, and it’s been a battle since the day you were born.” As an afterthought, the real twisting of the knife: “No wonder your mother left.”
And damn if that didn’t punch him in the gut harder than any fist could. “No, no, no. She left you- you made her go!”
Winston smiled. Game, set, match. “And she had plenty of time to come back. Or plenty of opportunities to take you away with her. So why didn’t she? All those times I went away and left you alone to watch the house- I remember one time, I was in Japan for almost the entire month!- did she ever reappear?” He shook his head again. “It just proves what I’ve been saying, Noah. I’m the only person in your life that can care about you. About making you into the man you should be.”
It was all too overwhelming. Noah hated that his father could still get to him like this. It felt like being poisoned, like the Colonel’s words were dropped into his brain and spread through his bloodstream. And for as hard as Noah was currently trying to cough his lungs up, he couldn’t get rid of the poison. He tried to tell himself he didn’t care. He tried to convince himself that his father- the man who had known him longer than anyone else in his life- didn’t know anything about him.
He was wrong.
Wasn’t he?
Noah was having a hard time accessing that practical part of his brain (“mulish and idealistic” Luke would teasingly say, and “pragmatic” is what he would argue back with). No, Noah. Wake up. Can’t get distracted right now, even if it is to think about Luke. (Luke said they were looking for him, they would find him. Was he just saying that for Noah’s benefit?)
Wake up. Think logically. Even if they are looking for you (Luke said they were), they can’t do everything. You have to get yourself out of this. (Could they trace his phone call? Would Luke talk to Jack or Margo? Was he even a “case” for a detective to be assigned to?) No, Noah. Wake up!
Really, he had two options. He could give in to his father, and go back to the miserable, lonely life he had grown up with. He’d never see Luke again, never eat Emma’s cookies, never see Faith graduate high school, (never see Luke again) never find out if Casey would finally be able to choose between Jade and Ali, never hear another one of Brad’s impossibly dumb observations, (never see Luke again) never go on that road trip to Seattle with Aaron. Never see Luke again. Okay, so Option A wasn’t a favorite.
Option B was to continue on resisting like this, until the crack team of the Oakdale PD (oh God, he was so screwed) burst in with guns blazing. Or these guys killed him. Well then. Option B was only looking slightly better.
Of course, there was the wildcard of Option C, which seemed the most likely right now- pass out and never wake up. Noah could feel that blackness at the back of his brain, slowly pulling him away. No! Come on, Noah. You know your father is wrong; prove it by fighting. You’re stronger than him. (The voice in his head was sounding like Luke again. And Luke- imaginary or otherwise- knew him better than anyone, right?)
Noah squinted, finally focusing his blurry vision on his father. “Dad?” he began, mumbling through cracked, almost-numb lips. His father nodded, eyes widening with what looked a little like hope and a lot like triumph. Like Noah was just a war game he’d do anything to win at. The disgust that went through Noah gave him the courage he needed to keep talking. “When we ‘start over,’ does that mean I have to find a whole new boyfriend? ’Cause getting this first one was kind of a difficult process and-”
With an almost inhuman growl Winston shoved Noah’s face back to the floor, his own disgust evident on his face.
Once upon a time this would have hurt Noah, and maybe it still did a little, but now it also encouraged him on: “Of course, Luke’s more than just my boyfriend. He’s also my roommate. We just signed a lease on an apartment. If you and I ‘start over,’ the landlord’s going to be pissed.” Winston stood up and paced a few feet away from him. Maybe the insanity was genetic, because Noah kept talking: “And he’s my lover too, did you know that? We’ve been sleeping together for months now. In fact, we had sex the day you took me from Java. Several times-”
Noah almost welcomed this hit when it landed, telling himself it was worth it. It totally was.
“Damn it Noah.” Winston wasn’t yelling. Uh-oh. That stopped Noah’s internal victory dance. The Colonel was always at his worst when he was past yelling. Noah unconsciously tried to back up, but the chains around his arms just tightened spitefully. “You know, it hurts me that you would continue to… to flaunt this in front of me. After everything I’ve done for you, that you would still act this way…” Winston shook his head sadly, as though he was the one in pain. Noah begged to differ there. “Denying me this one thing…” He was leaning over again, staring into Noah’s face. “I just can’t understand why you would do this to me.”
“This is who I am, Dad.” He didn’t care that his voice cracked, that he had to pause after every few syllables to catch his breath. There had to be a way to get through to his father. “I’m sorry it hurts you, but I can’t change who I am.”
He had never seen his dad look so sad before. “Please, son. I don’t want to have to do this.” Noah frowned, confused. Do what? What more could he possibly do? And, even worse, what more could Noah take? “I’m giving you another chance to do the right thing. Let this go. Show me you can still be the man I raised you to be.”
No matter how hard he or Imaginary-Luke tried to think otherwise, the words still stung. But it also kept Noah from giving in. He wasn’t eight or twelve or fifteen anymore. His father couldn’t bully and guilt Noah into submission. “No.” His voice was quiet and bare. He almost sounded like he was that little kid again, but he wouldn’t act that way. “No. I’m better than the man you raised me to be.” And part of him maybe actually believed that.
Winston took a few steps back, staring at his son, before giving a short and decisive nod. “Then so be it.” He started backing off to the stairs.
“What?” This was completely not the reaction he had been expecting. He turned his head to track his father’s movements.
The man sighed. “I tried, Noah, didn’t I? I’ve tried to do everything I can to set you on the right path. To show you what’s right and what’s wrong.” Noah couldn’t help but chuckle darkly at that. Yes, his father had definitely shown him what was wrong with the world. Winston’s jaw tightened but he continued anyway. “But it hasn’t been enough. So if this is what you want to be…” he trailed off, the implied threat hanging in the air between them. Noah just couldn’t figure out what the threat actually was.
But when his father took another step back, Noah’s uneasiness grew. And when Alan stepped out of the shadows of the basement, he had to wonder if this was just another nightmare. He had forgotten Alan was even here; Alan was the one who had beaten him for stealing the cell phone. And he hadn’t left. This couldn’t really be happening, could it? No. It couldn’t. But why wasn’t he waking up then?
“Dad. No,” Noah gasped, pulled uselessly on the chains, as Winston moved even farther away and Alan moved even closer, like synchronized swimmers. Like soldiers in formation.
“I’m sorry, Noah. But if this is what you choose to be… You have to see how wrong it is. Now, I didn’t want to have to resort to this, but you gave me no choice.”
“No. Dad, please. No-” Noah choked, terrified. His lungs, already crackling and heavy from his near-drowning, now threatened to close up completely. He kind of wished he could use Option C right now and pass out. It may not stop Alan, but at least he wouldn’t have to… feel anything. Noah shuddered again, pleading with his father. “Dad, if you love me, if you love me at all, you won’t do this. You won’t let this happen! Please!”
Winston had already moved up three steps. “It’s because I love you, Noah, that we’re doing this. I have to show you how wrong this is, how wrong you are. If you had just…” he paused, took a breath, and continued on calmly. “You asked for this. You did. You have no one to blame but yourself.”
Noah shook his head. No no no. “Please!” he tried again, not caring that he was begging. They couldn’t do this to him! What would everyone think of him? What would Luke… “Dad, no, you can’t do this.”
His father resolutely turned his back on his son and walked up the remaining stairs. “We’ll talk again later, see if you’ve changed your mind by then.” His steps were firm, ignoring the shouts and pleading of his son on the floor behind him. His son. He hoped that maybe after this, Noah would realize he could still be Winston Mayer’s son.
Noah continued to yell and struggle mindlessly, caught up in a panic. He tried to fight as a shadow loomed over him, an almost-sinister laugh echoing in his ears. But there was nothing he could do as the shadow reached down, gripped his upper arms tightly, and rolled him onto his back. Noah may have been crying, he wasn’t sure. He felt his brain going numb, wished his body would do the same. He didn’t want to feel the hands that were now on him, moving up and down…
He tried to twist away, curl up and protect himself, but the hands were too insistent. They yanked him onto his back again, one hand hitting him hard across the face. By the time the stars cleared from his vision, the hands had tied his feet down with who-knows-what, making it impossible for him to kick out, to move. To escape.
He was really past panicking now. Oh God oh God oh God. “Don’t. Please, please don’t do this.” He barely recognized his own voice. Was he already broken?
Alan didn’t even bother responding, beyond laughing at him again. He tugged Noah’s wet shirt up just a few inches, watching fascinated as the muscles of his stomach fluttered and heaved with each pained gasp of air. Noah bucked up in terror when a hand started tracing the lines of his abdomen. He began crying out protests again, insulting, begging, anything.
Then his eyes closed involuntarily when a heavy weight settled over him, straddling him. The weight was on his legs, but somehow Noah felt it fall on his stomach and heart, nearly making him sick with fear. Oh God. He needed Luke.
But it wasn’t Luke who groped at him violently, who put bruising kisses on his mouth and neck, who continued to hit him when he struggled. This was a nightmare he wasn’t going to wake up from. And when he heard a slicing sound, felt cold air on his skin and realized his shirt was being ripped apart, he had to turn his face away.
He knew there was nothing he could do, and he hated himself. His eyes still closed, he prayed for the darkness lurking in the back of his brain to take him away as soon as possible. And he really hoped he’d never wake up again.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The first few minutes in the car were a tense silence, until Casey tentatively broke it. “You didn’t mean it, right?” Luke looked at him, confused. Casey kept his eyes on the road. “When you said they’d kill Noah. They wouldn’t, would they?”
Luke was silent for a moment, drumming his sore fingers on his knee. Sore, because he had bitten his nails almost clean off. “I don’t know,” he replied quietly, terrified by his own honesty.
“But, it’s his dad,” Casey had to protest. “Yeah, okay, sure he’s psycho-go-nuts, but he wouldn’t do that to his own son…” he trailed off, trying to prompt Luke to say something reassuring.
But Luke couldn’t. “Casey…”
“Luke, it’s his son! He’s sick, but he loves Noah, doesn’t he?”
Luke shook his head. “I’m not sure if he loves Noah so much as he loves the idea of Noah. A son to carry on with the Mayer DNA and reputation or whatever. He never really treated Noah like family. Like a father should.” The idea of Holden Snyder or Tom Hughes acting this way was impossible to comprehend. Casey shook his head, while Luke continued, “Noah coming out might have pushed Colonel Mayer over the edge, but he was never a… a nice guy.”
Casey swallowed hard, his next question getting stuck in his throat. “Did he ever… did he ever hurt Noah, when he was little?” Luke’s silence was enough of an answer. “Jesus.”
“Noah doesn’t know I know,” Luke said quietly. This time it was his turn to stare straight ahead. “After his father died- or whatever- last summer, and Noah was isolating himself off from everyone, I- I contacted some army bases they’d lived on, some public records people. I just wanted to find out what kind of man the Colonel was before I had met him, maybe find out why Noah was so upset by his death, why he was punishing himself so much.”
“And?” Casey was struggling between really wanting to know and really not wanting to know.
“There were a couple of vague reports filed,” Luke could actually feel his voice harden. “Stuff like child endangerment, ‘possible’ neglect, ‘possible’ assault. No charges were ever brought up.” He anticipated Casey’s next question. “There were never any real witnesses or concrete evidence, just suspicions. And whenever Noah was questioned, he wouldn’t say anything.”
“He was scared,” Casey guessed.
Luke felt himself nod mechanically. “His whole life, he’s been bullied and mistreated by his father. So right now? I have no idea what Winston Mayer might be doing.” Abused was the word, but Luke couldn’t bring himself to say it. Beaten was another one, but he never wanted to think that in context with his boyfriend.
“Jesus,” Casey said again, thinking along the same lines. “I didn’t know.”
“Neither did I. Noah still doesn’t talk about the specifics of his childhood, he always stays so carefully vague. I think that’s why. He’s still scared.”
“Yeah, well, now so am I,” Casey muttered, gripping the steering wheel tighter as he pulled into the campgrounds.
Luke’s fingers tapped even more anxiously. His eyes scanned the woods around them, foolishly hoping a giant neon sign would flash NOAH IS HERE! Or, even better, Noah would just pop out in front of them on the road, perfectly fine and ready to go home, asking if they Tivo-ed his shows while he was gone. But, of course, no such luck. “Where are those cabins?”
“Not far,” Casey answered. “Like another twenty minutes.” Luke wanted to point out that twenty minutes would be like twenty hours, but he kept quiet. “Should we, I don’t know, park pretty soon and walk the rest? They’d hear a car coming, I think.”
“Yeah, yeah. Good idea.” Luke hadn’t thought of that. That’s one of those practical, rational thoughts that Luke usually relied on Noah to have. And then he almost started crying, full out sobbing, right then and there. It wasn’t just because he was scared, and worried for Noah, or worried that this campground hunt would all be a bust and he had gotten his hopes up for nothing.
No. He really wanted to cry just because he missed Noah. And part of him had to own up to the fact that he had gotten used to having Noah around and wasn’t really able to think of a future without Noah in it. God, he was a mess. “Casey. Thanks for doing this.” He would have gone crazy(er) without his friend, he knew that.
Casey just shrugged, pulling the car over after a few more minutes of driving. “Hey, he’s my friend too. I want to help.” He shut off the engine before finally turning to look at Luke. “And I won’t tell anyone. What you just told me, about Noah’s childhood? I’ll keep it quiet.”
Luke smiled just a little. “Thank you,” he said again. They walked on in silence for a few minutes, Luke letting Casey take the lead. But the silence allowed for Luke’s imagination to crowd his brain again, and all the possible situations in which they could find Noah were starting to make his hands shake. “How did you know about this place?” he finally asked, needing to distract himself.
Casey had the good grace to look a little embarrassed. “Well, uh, it used to be a good place to bring a girl and a six pack in high school.”
And then Luke actually smiled again. “I wouldn’t know.”
A few more minutes of hiking, and then Casey slowed down nearly to a halt, holding up a hand for Luke to be quiet. “We’re here,” he whispered. Then, pointing: “And so is someone else.” Luke followed Casey to the edge of the treeline surrounding a clearing of six old, dilapidated cabins. He looked to where Casey was pointing, and sucked in a sharp breath.
It was the van. The van, the one that had taken Noah away from him, was parked along with a pickup truck next to one of the cabins. Luke couldn’t take his wide eyes off of the building, even though Casey was watching him closely. He nodded. “It’s them.” God, Noah was in there. Noah was right there.
Casey’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “You sure?” he whispered back. Luke just nodded again, taking a few steps closer. Casey twitched, startled, when Luke moved past him towards the cabin. “What are you doing?!” he hissed, trying to grab Luke’s arm.
“I- I just… we need to see if they’re in there. Get an idea of the situation and then get the cops here as soon as possible.” It was the first excuse Luke could come up with. Really? He was hoping he’d see Noah. He slowly, silently, made his way closer to a back window.
Casey cursed every curse he could think of, then made a few more up and cursed them too. “Wait for me!” he followed behind, glad that his sneakers didn’t make noise on the forest floor. He caught up with Luke just as they reached the window. The two of them peeked in, seeing a rusty, bare kitchen with a wooden table taking up most of the room. And sitting at that table was Colonel Winston Mayer and another man, this one sporting a lazy grin on his face and a faded bruise across his temple. Luke perversely hoped he’d gotten it from Noah.
That thought made him quickly search the room, but Noah wasn’t there. ‘He must still be in the basement,’ Luke thought to himself, praying his boyfriend was okay. Movement in the kitchen brought his attention back, and he noticed Casey’s eyes widen when another man tensely entered the room and leaned against the kitchen counter. It must have been the guy Casey saw at Java.
“What is it?” Mayer asked. Luke and Casey exchanged a glance, surprised that they could hear the conversation.
The man by the counter shook his head. “I can’t… I just can’t believe it came to this. It’s coming to this. I didn’t sign up for that.” He gestured off somewhere behind him. “Win… what we’re doing now-”
The Colonel stood up quickly, with a kind of menace that reminded Luke of the grizzly bears on Animal Planet before they attack. “You ‘signed up’ to follow my orders. And that is what you will do, Tim. You know there’s no turning back now. Just… just give me a little more time. Noah is coming to his senses, I know he is. It won’t be much longer now.”
The blood in Luke’s veins ran cold at the mention of his boyfriend. Coming to his senses? What were they doing to him? He felt Casey grab his arm in what was probably a bruising hold, but Luke couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything but the slow thrum of adrenaline in his body steadily getting stronger. He was a ticking time bomb, and the timer was counting down.
Casey must have realized this, because before Luke knew it he was being dragged silently away from the window, back into the cover of the trees. Casey shoved him down against a broad tree trunk, hiding him from view of the cabins, and crouched down next to him. “Breathe,” was all he said, even as he pulled out his cell phone and hit a speed dial.
Luke concentrated on following the command, deep breaths in and out, trying to fight back the adrenaline that told him to run into that cabin and choke the life out of those men, to find Noah and never ever let him go ever again. He couldn’t hear what Casey was saying until he heard his own name mentioned. He looked up again.
“They’re almost here already,” Casey assured him quickly. “Jade called them, my mom said they’ll be here in a few minutes, Luke. This will all be over soon.” Casey wasn’t sure if that sounded comforting or ominous. He hoped the former, feared the latter.
Luke nodded, but his eyes never strayed from the cabin, almost afraid to blink in case it- and the people inside- suddenly disappeared. It took everything in him not to spontaneously combust right then and there. It was so not in his nature to sit still and wait for the friggin’ cops, but Fake-Noah popped up in his brain once more, sternly reminding him that storming the cabin would just put himself, Casey and Real-Noah in danger. Luke grumbled mentally, balled his hands into tight fists, but had to agree.
Casey fidgeted next to him, checking his watch and his cell phone every twenty seconds. Luke continued staring at the cabin, trying to send some telepathic message to Noah: We’re here, it’s going to be okay. Hold on just a little longer. I’m here. I love you. He then held his breath, actually hoping that he’d hear a message from Noah in return. But there was nothing, and Luke bit his lip to keep from screaming something. Anything.
And then Casey’s hand was on his shoulder, and Jack, Dallas, Margo, and over a dozen other people were standing next to them. Some were Oakdale PD, some looked like state cops, and the rest were people Luke didn’t recognize- military people, government people? Whatever, it didn’t matter. They could be Jedi knights in training for all he cared, as long as they did their job and got Noah back to him safely.
Jack hurried over, pulled Luke up to his feet and back a few yards, away from the clearing. “You okay?” he asked in a whisper. Luke could tell he was in full on Detective Mode: his shoulders set more square than usual, eyes taking everything in, one hand resting steadily on his holstered gun.
“Ask me again tomorrow,” Luke answered just as quietly. Jack nodded sympathetically, his mind already moving on to the task at hand. Luke moved over to join Casey and Margo who were already deep in discussion.
“We’re letting the federal agents take the lead on this,” Margo told them. “We’re going to storm the cabin, take out the Colonel and his men. After- and only after- they’ve been secured, we’ll search the place for Noah.”
“Shouldn’t finding Noah be the priority?” Luke demanded as quietly as possible. After all, it was his priority.
“It is, Luke, I promise it is. But the feds think- and I agree- that the smartest thing to do is get Colonel Mayer out of the equation. Think about it, do you really want to risk him being around to hurt Noah more?” Margo didn’t give him time to answer, looking at something over his shoulder. “Okay, it’s time. You two stay here, don’t even think about getting involved until I say so.” She patted both of them on the shoulders hurriedly before moving into position behind the fed team. Jack and Dallas and the other cops were already set.
The next few minutes were a sudden blur of running feet and doors being forced open and shouting. It was the gunshots that drew Luke out of his panic-induced haze. He and Casey tried to rush forward, but a cop held them back, shaking his head, relaying information back and forth with his radio, apparently without any clue of just how much he was killing Luke.
“Who was shooting? Is everyone okay? Is my mom okay?” Apparently Casey was just as frantic. The cop, who Luke had just decided to call Jerky McAsshole until further notice, really started to live up to his new nickname by holding up a hand to silence the boys, still not giving them any information.
Just when Luke was contemplating where to stash Jerky's body after he strangled him to death (Fake-Noah shaking his head, throwing up his hands in defeat), the cop looked over at them. “The suspects have been apprehended,” he said. “Lieutenant Hughes- she’s fine, by the way- says it’s safe for you two to go up to the cabin now. She-”
Luke didn’t wait for the rest, dashing back to the clearing with Casey almost literally on his heels. Both were brought up short by the sight in front of them. Law enforcement guys were everywhere, and Colonel Winston Mayer himself was being led out of the cabin in handcuffs, struggling against the men holding him (one of whom Luke absent-mindedly recognized as Dallas). Luke didn’t see Jack anywhere.
He watched, suddenly feeling numb, as Mayer was put into a squad car. The man never noticed Luke, and Luke couldn’t bring himself to go after the Colonel. It didn’t matter, he didn’t matter. Luke was getting so tired of discovering new depths of anger for this man, it was wearing him out. He just… he just wanted Noah.
Another man (Tim Kelley, Luke remembered) was brought out next. The man was very quiet, very calm, a man who had accepted defeat already. Luke’s eyes were drawn away from him when the next person was brought out. On a stretcher. Luke sucked in a harsh breath, stumbling forward at the sight of the bloody, still form being carried out of the cabin.
“Luke!” Casey grabbed him around the waist from behind, trying to hold him back.
“No…” Luke thought he should be screaming, he was screaming in his head for sure. But it came out of his mouth so quietly. He tried to pull free from his friend, but Casey just held on tighter. “No.”
“Hey.” Somehow Jack was there in front of him, holding both of his shoulders steadily. Luke tried to look past him at the stretcher. There was so much blood… “Luke, it’s not him.”
What? “What?”
Jack’s face was still Detective-calm, but his eyes held that same gentle look he used to give while patching up skinned knees or bee stings. “It’s Alan Reddik. He got hit when we stormed the cabin. It’s not Noah, okay?”
Luke could breathe again. Maybe not normally, but enough to acknowledge his cousin. “O-okay.” He looked at Jack, then the cabin, then Jack again. “Where is he?”
“Boys…” Margo stepped up from out of nowhere before Jack could answer. A state cop pulled Jack to the side, speaking quietly in his ear. Jack looked at the cop for a moment before nodding and hurrying away without another word.
Luke had already forgotten he’d been there at all. “Where’s Noah? Is he okay?” he asked Margo, with Casey echoing the questions a beat behind him. The look on Margo’s face nearly drove Luke to his knees. “Oh God. What happened to him?”
“We don’t know, Luke.” Margo looked so sorry.
Luke shook his head, not understanding. “What does that mean? Where is he?”
“What’s going on, Mom?” Casey demanded next to him.
Margo was obviously trying to stay as calm and commanding as possible. “We found the basement, searched it. Guys, it was empty.” They still stared at her. Margo took an impossibly deep breath. “Noah isn’t here.”
TO BE CONTINUED! Coming Up: Luke and Casey continue the search, the Snyders gather to hear news about Noah...