FIC: WHEN OUR FRAMES COLLIDE 2/16
Title: When Our Frames Collide
Chapter: 2/16 - I'm Yours And That's It, Whatever
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Casey, Henry, Jade, Alison, Marcus (OC), Damian, Emily
Rating: PG
Spoilers: sequel to my fic "Sins of the Father," refers to lots of things that happened in that story, takes place a few months later!
Summary: Noah tries to investigate his parents, Luke wrestles with telling the truth, Casey has women problems.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "The Ballad of Love and Hate" by the Avett Brothers- one of my favoritest bands ever!
Chapter 1 /
“You sure you want to do this now?” Luke asked, resting one hand at the small of Noah’s back.
Noah stared at the two boxes in front of him. “Would putting it off make a difference? I’ll have to look through them at some point.” He swallowed hard, nodding his head for a second. “Right?”
Luke perched his chin on top of Noah’s shoulder. “Right.” He waited a moment. “It’s just… would you feel better opening these with Dr. Weston maybe? I don’t want you-”
“No, I want you here,” Noah said, quiet but sure. With that determination now in place, he reached forward and pulled the first box closer. Luke just smiled and stayed very still and quiet, something that took more effort than he thought it would. But he held it together and held his boyfriend as Noah cut through the packing tape and ever so slowly opened the cardboard flaps. He was tentative as though afraid a demon, some unspeakable evil, would be unleashed once the box was open. Luke had to admit, the thought had crossed his mind.
The first box was Winston’s. Noah wanted to get this one over with, he couldn’t imagine there being anything pleasant inside. It was a box of his father’s possessions that the Army had sent to Oakdale after his supposed death. The last things his father had owned or kept with him before coming to Oakdale that first time. Before the major insanity had started.
Noah rested his hand on the open flap, but couldn’t bring himself to reach inside. Suddenly he had the feeling that he was tempting fate. This was like Pandora’s box. Whatever he found now… there’d be no going back. His hand shook a little, and he just couldn’t get himself to move it.
Then Luke’s hand was there, on top of his. No words were spoken, but Luke picked up his hand and guided it inside and suddenly Noah’s wasn’t shaking anymore. It was enough.
They pulled out two small plastic cases, and Noah had to try to swallow around a suddenly dry mouth. He recognized that type of case, he’d seen it many times before. Luke, however, was unaware and immediately opened the first one before Noah could stop him.
Luckily, it only held his father’s military medals. Thank God. He half-heartedly examined them- a Medal of Valor, a Purple Heart from the Gulf War, nearly half a dozen others. Looking at them now, Noah was left with a bitter taste in his mouth. These things were supposed to mean something, Noah had been taught his whole life that they were a sign of respect, and he still felt that way. And yet these had been given to a man who had done so much to dishonor it all. So many lies in his life, so many things gone wrong…
Luke gave him a semi-questioning look when Noah shoved the case away, but he said nothing. But he did make a small noise of shock when he opened the second case. It was what Noah had feared. A .22 caliber pistol. Noah couldn’t be sure if it was Army-issued or not, and he didn’t want to get close enough to find out.
He hated guns. No matter how hard his father had pushed him into handling them, no matter how good he had actually gotten at firing a gun, Noah hated them. And considering the last time he had held one he had almost used it to kill a man…
“You okay?” Luke asked, somehow moving in even closer, his arm wrapping around Noah’s waist. He didn’t want to touch the gun either.
“Yeah,” Noah hoped he sounded convincing. Idly he wondered if this was the gun his father had used to kill Charlene and almost kill Dusty. Should he give this to the cops as evidence? Would it even matter anymore? He made a mental note to ask Jack next time they hung out.
In the meantime, he felt a little of the tension ease as Luke finally reached over and pushed the case away to the far end of the table. Out of sight, out of mind, Noah reminded himself as Luke pulled an American flag out of the box, folded regulation-style. Luke set the flag aside much more carefully before peering into the box again. “One thing left,” he said, reaching for Noah’s hand.
The last thing they picked up together was a cigar box. Noah almost flinched at the sight of it. He hated cigars, hated the smell. His father had smoked cigars for as long as he could remember, almost every night. Usually after he’d been drinking, either out with his Army buddies or alone in his study.
The thought of that smell, cigar smoke combined with Scotch, was enough to make Noah sick to his stomach. His father’s voice, short and cutting and slurring just a little. His father’s movements, unpredictable and unsteady, coming at him… Noah clenched his right hand as it started to go numb.
But Luke was there again, gently pulling his fingers out of the fist, keeping his hand open and flat. “It’s just a box,” he murmured in Noah’s ear. “No matter what, right now it’s just a box. And it’s just you and me, okay?”
Noah stared down at their joined hands. Decidedly not looking at the box. After a moment he nodded. “Okay.” His voice was just as quiet. He looked over to Luke for some reassurance, which of course he got, and then turned back to the table. He opened the lid and almost sighed in relief at the sight of photographs and papers. He had half been expecting to see like a severed head in there or something. Nothing would have surprised him at this point.
But it was just photographs. Some of Winston and other Army guys from over the years (thankfully no one Noah recognized from over the summer- he didn’t know what he’d do if he was suddenly confronted with a picture of Alan), a shot of an older couple Noah was fairly sure were his deceased grandparents, and some of Noah. None of Charlene.
Luke took the pictures of Noah out of the cigar box to study. They were of various ages, the earliest looking to be him at about four or five years old. A shot of him at Christmas with a rocking horse and with that full-on grin Luke still didn’t get to see nearly enough, Noah standing still and solemn in a suit and tie with his father at what looked like a military funeral, Noah in a Little League baseball uniform.
Luke was about to tease him when he came across another photo- an eight year old Noah in swimming trunks on a beach somewhere. What caught Luke’s eye was the tiny, barely noticeable mark on the little boy’s side. A bruise. And suddenly Luke didn’t feel like teasing anymore. He carefully moved that picture to the bottom of the pile before Noah could see it.
Noah was busy shaking his head, looking through the other pictures. “There’s nothing. No pictures of that yard or the neighborhood. Why can’t I figure out where it’s from?” He frowned at the papers in his hands, bank statements and military records. Nothing he could use to get over this damn mental block.
Luke smiled gently, rubbing his shoulder. “You want to try the next box?” Noah looked over everything on the table again and nodded, trying his hardest not to sigh. The next box was Charlene’s. It would probably be the easier of the two, considering Noah had already looked through some of it two years ago. This time Noah carefully pulled out the packets of letters and the toys and set them almost reverently on the table nearby.
Luke couldn’t help but reach out and pick up the little stuffed dog. He examined the thing, noting how worn it was, how well-loved it must have been. He could imagine little toddler-version of Noah carrying it around, playing with it in the back yard, hugging it tightly in his sleep. He found himself hugging his Noah a little tighter now.
Noah was busy taking deep breaths. He flipped carefully through the photographs- all of him as a baby. All inside a crib. Inside. He sighed, frustration building up in his chest. He was hoping for a picture of the yard from his dream. His mood souring, he was surprised to hear Luke laugh next to him. He turned quizzical eyes to his boyfriend.
Luke immediately tried to stop his laughter, but his grin remained. “Sorry. It’s just…” he picked up one of the photos, of the little blue-eyed baby smiling at the camera. “For someone who hates having his picture taken, it appears you’ve always been pretty photogenic, Noah Mayer.”
The overheated feeling spreading across his face told Noah he was blushing. “Cut it out, I’m trying to brood over here,” he mumbled, setting the photos down next to his mother’s letters.
Luke laughed again. “Hey, it’s only fair. You’ve seen every single photo of me ever developed from birth to, like, last week. It’s about time I get- hey!” he pulled all the baby pictures into his lap. “I wonder how much money Mom and Grandma would be willing to pay to see these…”
“Oh God,” Noah groaned. He hadn’t thought of that. He so didn’t need those up on a mantle at Snyder farm or Lily’s house. No, no, no. He quickly grabbed the pictures away from Luke. “No way.”
“Aw, Noah, come on!” Luke tried to get them back, but Noah stretched his arm out, keeping the photos away. Luke glared for just a second before a wicked gleam lit up his eyes.
Noah had just a second of warning before Luke was shooting up out of his chair and reaching for the pictures again. Noah scrambled away, a smile inadvertently appearing on his face. Which is what Luke had wanted in the first place. So he kept up the pursuit, chasing Noah into the living room, laughing.
He mock-glared again when Noah smirked and held his arm all the way up, stretching it to his fullest height which they both knew would be out of Luke’s reach. “Cheater,” Luke accused.
Noah’s smirk grew wider, but before he could say anything Luke stepped in closer and kissed him hard, sucking all the air out of Noah’s lungs. Noah’s eyebrows raised in surprise even as his eyes closed instinctively. For all the weaknesses he had been berated for throughout his life, he could honestly say Luke’s kisses were one he was glad to have.
He didn’t even realize Luke had maneuvered them over to couch until he felt himself fall back onto it, Luke right on top of him. Though he did manage to keep his hand stretched up above his head, away from Luke.
Luke kept up the distraction, leaving a trail of kisses down Noah’s jaw and neck to the collar of his plaid button-up before going for his lips again. Noah responded in kind, already leaning up for the kiss, not even noticing as Luke ran a hand up his arm and lightly grasped his wrist. Luke pulled the hand down and guided it to rest on his lower back, as though molding Noah into giving him a hug. But then he used Noah’s hand to slide the pictures into his back pocket. Victory.
Noah finally laughed into the kiss and pulled free, trying to frown. Luke gave his best innocent face. “What?”
Noah shook his head, refraining from sticking his tongue out (slightly afraid of what Luke would do to said tongue.) “Cheater,” he threw back. Not that he was really complaining. Before Luke could say anything in reply Noah pulled him back down for another kiss, making it last, letting himself forget about everything covering their kitchen table. The past. His father, his mother. His dream and mixed up memories. His Film and Personal History grade. Everything. Right now he didn’t want to care, he just wanted Luke.
And Luke was happy to give himself back, take away the drama for awhile. It sounded trivial considering everything they had been through, but if he could do something to cheer Noah up, he’d do it. And hey, Luke thought to himself as they helped each other shed their clothes, if he got some enjoyment out of it too, then it was a win-win situation. Luke had always liked those.
************
“Yo, H.C.! What’s the happs this morning?” Casey called out as he entered Al’s, taking a seat at the counter and spinning around a few times.
Henry stared at him for a few seconds. “It’s like you’re trying to speak English, I know it.”
Casey just grinned. “Can I get two Number Three specials, one with extra bacon? And two coffees.”
“Either you have the munchies or a breakfast date with Alison.” Henry rolled his eyes as he put in the order to the kitchen.
“No reason I can’t have both!” Casey spun around one more time for effect.
Henry laughed in spite of himself. “Well, it’s nice to see you in such a good mood. Speaking of which, I had an entirely too lighthearted conversation with my little sister yesterday. What is wrong with today’s youth?”
He shrugged. “What can I say, Henry? Young love and all that…”
Henry shuddered. “It’s my little sister. She’s not allowed to be in love until she’s thirty.”
“Come on, man, Hunter’s a nice guy. I mean, once you get past the obvious problems- the clumsiness, the geekery, the kicking of puppies…” He grinned again when Henry groaned and moved away.
“Sometimes I can’t believe they let you out of prison,” the man mumbled.
“I wonder the same thing every day,” another voice spoke up from the other end of the counter.
Casey looked over to see Jade sipping on her own cup of coffee. “Oh my God, Jade, what are you doing here? The sun’s up! Won’t you, like, melt if you come in direct contact with it?”
She rolled her eyes audibly. “Oh so clever, Hughes. Noah isn’t working at Java this morning, and he’s the only one I trust over there to make my coffee right. So Al’s will have to do. Though I’m surprised,” she tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I could have sworn I read a sign on the way in here: No animals allowed inside without a leash. How’d you manage to sneak in?”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Casey held up a hand, eyes wide. “You can read?”
Jade glowered at him, smiling. “Uh-huh. And I didn’t need to go back to school a third time to learn how. How’s that geology class going, by the way?”
Casey fought back a sigh. He couldn’t show weakness, he couldn’t give her the upper hand. But internally he cursed Noah and Luke for being such nice guys and being friends with both of them. “Just fine. What helps is knowing I’m finally getting my life on track, you know? Finally making something of myself, living up to my potential… Oh, how’s your life going, by the way?” he consciously mimicked her question.
She dropped her smile, but not her glare. In fact, it intensified enough to burn. “Just fine,” she mimicked him right back. “It’s a relief not having to pretend to be better than I actually am. Have everyone around me just waiting for that moment when I inevitably screw up again.”
“Okay, you know what?” He had somehow gotten to his feet without realizing it.
“What?” Jade had too, and they were standing nearly toe-to-toe.
Casey leaned in even closer, almost inches from her face, but Jade didn’t back down. She never did, did she? They locked eyes. He was just opening his mouth to say something when he realized there was someone else standing near them, watching them. As one, he and Jade turned back to the counter to see Henry studying them with a smirk, one eyebrow raised.
He held up a hand. “Don’t mind me, just enjoying the tennis match. Carry on.”
Casey did sigh then, taking a step back to run a hand through his hair, slightly surprised to see Jade do the same thing. She glared at him one more time before grabbing her purse and storming out. Casey watched her go before twisting back to look at Henry. “What?”
Henry shrugged. “Just want to remind you that you’re going to be meeting your girlfriend any minute for breakfast, and you might want to wipe away the sweat from your verbal sparring before she gets here.”
Casey dropped back onto the stool heavily. “Henry, swear to God, you say anything more and I will call Maddie right now and tell her you gave her and Hunter permission to elope.”
Henry mimed zipping up his mouth and headed back into the kitchen just as Alison entered the diner. “Morning,” she called out, taking the seat next to his.
“Hey,” he smiled at her, but in his mind he flashed back to months ago. When they used to greet each other every morning as though they hadn’t seen each other in weeks, couldn’t stop kissing, couldn’t stop touching each other. Ali settled down next to him without another word, pulling out a newspaper and sipping her coffee.
Casey sat next to her, holding his own cup. That was it. What had he told Noah? It was ‘nice?’ Was that all it was anymore? What was wrong with him that now he got more worked up yelling at Jade than he did seeing his girlfriend first thing in the morning?
His thoughts were interrupted by the quick, re-arrival of Henry. “Wait- what do you mean give Maddie and Hunter permission to elope?”
************
“It just bugs me, you know? It… it feels important, for some reason. And it’s like my brain is betraying me.” Noah leaned forward in his chair, frustrated.
Marcus nodded a little, rubbing a hand along his jaw. “Maybe you’re trying to force it too much. Putting too much pressure on yourself. I know that’s a concept you’re unfamiliar with, but…” he shrugged, fighting off a smile.
Noah glared half-heartedly. “You know, sarcasm is a disturbing thing coming from a person of your age.”
Marcus quirked up one eyebrow. “And what age would that be?”
Noah paused, pretending to think. “Late twenties?”
Marcus chuckled. “Good boy.” He settled back more comfortably in his own chair. “Well, let’s look at this in a different way. Pretend the memory is a scene from a movie. Trace it back logically. You said you think you were two or three. Where was your family living then?”
Noah almost winced at the term ‘family.’ He was just now getting how much of a family they hadn’t been. “Okay… we were… It had to have been in either Georgia or North Carolina. We lived at Fort Gordon until I was two or three, and then we were at Fort Bragg when Charlene, um, left.”
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you refer to her as your mother,” Marcus pointed out.
By now, Noah was used to Marcus’s abrupt line of questioning. He shrugged. “It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of her as one.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “She… she left me. With him. Maybe she didn’t know how bad it would get, maybe she thought she would do a worse job raising me, I don’t know. I don’t know why she didn’t take me with her. Though, I mean,” he sighed a little. “It’s not like she turned out to be this amazingly wonderful person either. It’s not like it would’ve been a great alternative…”
“But it would have been an alternative,” Marcus finished for him. “We’ve talked about this, Noah. It’s okay to admit you didn’t like how you grew up. It’s encouraged, actually.”
Noah stuck to the subject at hand, not up for going down that road right now. “She wasn’t really my mother. Not that I can remember. She was a woman who gave birth to me, and then left me. She was Charlene. She didn’t raise me, she wasn’t a mother.”
“And yet she’s in this memory of yours,” the doctor pointed out. “It’s the first memory you have of yourself. And she’s there. It’s a fuzzy and insubstantial image, but it is your mother. That tells me it’s worth exploring.”
“And if I tell you it’s not?” Noah questioned hopefully.
Marcus smiled a little, shaking his head. “I’m a therapist. Childhood memories and dream analysis are my bread and butter, kid.”
“Figured you’d say that,” Noah mumbled.
The doctor chuckled again. “Okay, back to the memory. Pretend it’s a scene in a movie. There’s got to be some clue in the surroundings, in what you see that makes up everything on screen-”
“The mise-en-scène,” Noah supplied instinctively, flushing when he realized he’d interrupted.
Marcus just smiled, refraining from making one of his bad jokes in the moment. “In the mise-en-scène that tells you where you are.”
Noah frowned, his eyes closing as he tried to bring the memory to the forefront of his brain again. “I don’t know. We moved so much over the years, everything was always… it always kinda looked the same. Although…”
“Although what?” Marcus prompted when Noah trailed off.
Noah shook his head. “It’s just, the yards were all so nice. Really green, lots of flowers and gardens all the way down the street. There’s even white picket fences, for God’s sake. I don’t remember any military base being that suburban and nice. It’s weird.”
Marcus thought about it for a moment. “Maybe that’s where your mind is playing tricks on you.”
“How?” Noah opened his eyes finally.
“Maybe it’s a little more dream than memory right now. The Stepford-like front yards, two kids and a dog, a mother calling you in for dinner...” Marcus sat forward a little. “You don’t have a lot of happy childhood memories, Noah. This could be you mixing it with some idyllic setting from a movie or a TV show. To make it okay for you to remember it, to share it with me and Luke and your class.”
Noah’s frown turned thoughtful, turning that over in his head. Of course it made sense. How often in the past had he escaped real life by imagining himself in a TV show or movie? A lot. “I guess that makes sense. But then why-” And then he cut himself off with a shake of his head. Oops.
Marcus of course wasn’t going to let that go. “Why what?”
Noah checked the clock and realized there was too much time left for him to try and stall until the end of the session. Crap. “I had the dream again last night. But it went further this time, and there was a… a car or something. There was a loud noise, and then I woke up.” He looked up at Marcus, confused, asking the man to tell him what it all meant.
Marcus gathered his thoughts, but decided to focus on something else. “Have you been waking up from dreams a lot lately?”
Noah tilted his head sideways a little. “Not a lot. Sometimes. It’s different dreams now, it’s not… it’s not the stuff from this spring. It’s just this memory. It’s bugging me. And I only have two weeks to figure out-”
“Noah, so help me God, if you add worrying about your grades on top of all of this…” Marcus tried to appear stern, but he wasn’t sure if he pulled it off. He waited for Noah to smile before diving in again. “Are you having trouble sleeping?”
Noah shook his head vehemently. “I don’t want those pills again.” He hated sleeping pills.
“Want vs. need, Noah. Are you having trouble sleeping?” Marcus repeated.
“No,” Noah said firmly. Maybe if he was still living at the farm that would be a problem. But no, Noah shared a bed with Luke now. He had no problems feeling safe at night. Sure, he didn’t like being kept inside small rooms for too long, and total darkness was out of the question, but other than that Noah felt he was doing just fine.
He really didn’t want those damn sleeping pills. And he didn’t need a therapist to tell him why- the pills controlled when Noah fell asleep, and Noah didn’t want anything to have control over his body but him. (…And maybe Luke.)
Marcus studied him silently, and Noah knew this was one of those times that his doctor would make an executive decision if he had to. He tensed even as he held Marcus’s gaze, but Marcus nodded finally. “Okay. But if we keep going back to these dreams and they keep waking you up at night, then we’re going to have this talk again. Understood?”
Noah hesitated just a moment before giving in. “Okay.”
Marcus nodded himself. “Okay,” he echoed, sitting back in his chair again, back in Session Mode. “Now, let’s get back to talking about your m- about Charlene.”
************
Casey re-shouldered his backpack as he left the foreign languages building, moving quickly through the masses of students, sidestepping a couple that was basically making out in the middle of the path. He glared irrationally at them, simultaneously disgusted and jealous of their PDA. And he had no idea why it bugged him so much. Okay, he knew exactly why it bugged him so much, and that only caused him to be even more annoyed.
He was so distracted with those thoughts that he almost walked right past Noah without even seeing him. He did a quick double-take and then plopped down on the bench next to his friend. “Dude, Class-From-Hell starts in like ten minutes, how come…” and then he trailed off. Noah had that look on his face, the something’s-wrong-that-I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-but-I-probably-should-before-something-implodes look. “What’s wrong?”
Noah shrugged a little. He had an old, worn-looking envelope in his hands, one of those old Kodak envelopes that pictures came in after being developed. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“But something isn’t right,” Casey countered. “What’s going on?”
“I talked to Dr. Weston about that memory,” Noah relented. “And now I feel like things are just going to get… I don’t know, wrong or something. Like it’s not her I should be focusing on.”
“The memory with the kids and the dog?” Casey clarified. After Noah’s nod, Casey continued. “What’s so wrong about it? Why do you look like someone just told you Danny Boyle died?”
Noah couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t even joke about that,” he smirked before growing serious again. “Dr. Weston thinks, since my mother is in the memory, that I need to… to ‘resolve my feelings’ about her.” He grimaced, as though the phrase left a bad taste in his mouth.
Casey honestly didn’t know how to react. When he thought about Noah, Noah’s childhood and family, he really only thought about the Colonel. Most of the time he completely forgot about Cheri Love or Charlene or whoever the hell she was. “Is that so wrong?” he asked carefully. “I know he’s old and he’s dating Lucinda Walsh of all people, but you have to admit the Doc’s a pretty smart guy.”
Noah smiled faintly again. “Yeah, he is. But it’s not that simple. I don’t really have feelings about her. I didn’t know her. How am I supposed to-?”
“So talk to someone who did know her,” Casey shrugged.
Noah shook his head. “That’s not so simple either. I need… I need, like, an unbiased view of her. Her sister wouldn’t have that. Neither would Dusty, or Ali, or Lily… I don’t know how to fix this.” He was frowning again, staring down at his shoes. “Sorry, I don’t mean to dump my lame-ass problems on you. Forget it.”
Casey found himself frowning too. It was his job to keep the people he liked as happy and carefree as someone in Oakdale could be. One of the reasons he liked being Noah’s friend was that it was easy to make the guy happy. He’d never seen someone be so appreciative of simple, friendly gestures. But right now, his friend wasn’t happy. Casey wasn’t doing his job.
His job… And just like that, Casey had a thought. Maybe not a good one, but it was definitely a thought. And then it became a plan, one that was just crazy enough to work. And Casey always liked those plans. “Noah?”
“Yeah?” Noah was busy putting the photos back in his messenger bag.
Casey wondered if those were the childhood photos Luke had told him about. He made a mental note to try to steal the envelope later. For the time being, “I think I know someone you can talk to. And trust me, she won’t sugarcoat anything.”
Noah’s eyes narrowed, half in confusion and half in apprehension. “Who?”
************
“Luke-”
“No.”
“I just think-”
“No.”
“Luciano-”
“Don’t call me Luciano.”
Damian sighed, taking a moment to keep his cool. “Luke,” he corrected himself firmly. “This is a great opportunity, and I would really like for you to come on this trip to New York with me. It’s just for two days, and it would be a great way for you to see what an executive really does. It would be good for you. I just want to make sure you’re thinking everything through.”
He settled down in the chair across the desk from his son. Luke remained in his own chair, glaring back at Damian. The man had to admit, he felt more than a little pride seeing his son in a suit and tie, behind a desk with the Grimaldi Shipping emblem on it. This was the dream, it really was. His legacy.
“The only thing I’m interested in thinking through right now are this past month’s expense reports, Damian, so unless you’re here to talk about that…” Luke nodded his head towards the door of his office. Even Luke seemed a little surprised at how authoritative he was in that moment. He flushed for just a second before going back to the papers in front of him.
Damian managed not to sigh, but only just. It just wasn’t in Luke’s nature to do things the easy way, was it? “How are the reports?” He decided to go along with it for now.
“Well, now that you mention it…” Luke pulled out the two expense filings for December, laying them side-by-side in front of Damian. “There’s something weird going on here. There’s an extra account on the carbon copy of one file, but it’s not on the original.”
Damian frowned. “Another clerical error?”
Luke shook his head. “Maybe, but it doesn’t seem likely. It’s a lot of money, Damian. I would think we’d notice if that much profit was missing. But the end of the year expenses aren’t missing anything, I double-checked.” He sighed, blowing hair out of his face in frustration. “It’s like there’s an account that was left off the expo list or something. Do you have any idea what it could be?”
He shook his head. “No, but give me the papers. I’ll look into it.”
Luke handed over the papers, somewhat hesitant. “Are you sure? I can dig around some more. The answer has to be around here somewhere.”
“No, don’t worry about it. If it is a real problem, it should be my job to take care of it anyway. But it’s probably nothing. Someone in accounting made a mistake, most likely.”
Luke still looked doubtful, but let it drop. “If you say so.” He checked his watch, loosening his tie as he did so. “I have to meet up with some foundation people for lunch, make sure it looks like I’m still putting in the time over there. I’ll be back in an hour or so, okay?”
Damian fought off another sigh. “That’s fine, son. But Luke-”
“Damian,” Luke held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear a lecture.”
“Maybe you need to, Luke!” Damian burst out, surprising the both of them. “You can’t keep this a secret, it’s dangerous.”
“Dangerous?” Luke snorted. “How’s that?”
“Look, I know why you haven’t told anyone, I know you don’t want to upset them, and I understand that. But things like this have a way of getting out, and once they do…” he shook his head. “It’s not going to go well. Your mother and Holden, Lucinda, Noah…”
“Yeah, none of them trust you, some of them don’t like you, I know all this,” Luke was just this side of rolling his eyes. So much for the executive. Now he looked like a petulant teenager.
“It’s not that, Luke! Well,” Damian amended. “Not just that. No, all of them are going to be less upset that you’re working for me and more upset that you haven’t told them. That you’ve been lying for months.”
Luke winced, saying nothing for a moment. But then he shook his head. “It’s my decision, Damian. Not yours. I’ll figure it out myself, I don’t need you telling me what to do. For God’s sake, I’m supposed to be an adult now, so why-”
“If you want to be treated like an adult, then you have to start acting like one,” Damian’s voice, very quiet, cut through Luke’s tirade. His son’s eyes widened with shock, but Damian gathered his courage and kept going. “A man takes responsibility for his own actions. Tell your family the truth, Luke. Before you get in over your head, before things get worse. Before someone gets hurt.”
************
“Why am I suddenly feeling really nervous?” Noah murmured to Casey as they entered the front office.
Casey put a firm hand on Noah’s shoulder. “Because we just walked into her lair. Be strong, dude. She can smell fear a mile away.”
Noah couldn’t help but shake his head. “Thanks, Case. So glad you’re here,” he deadpanned.
“Hey, whatever I can do to help,” he shrugged. Then he spun around so he was facing Noah. “Now, listen to me, there are a couple pointers I should give you before you meet her. One, be careful looking directly into her eyes. If they turn red, she may start sucking out your soul. Two, always know where the closest exit is. Three...” He frowned when Noah nodded to something over his shoulder. Turning, he came face to face with the woman in question, who was standing right behind him. Casey jumped about a foot into the air. “Jesus!”
“Yeah, not quite,” she smirked, obviously taking pleasure in scaring him. “What are you doing here, Casey? And who’s this?” She nodded towards Noah.
Casey sighed, gesturing as he made the introductions. “Noah Mayer, Emily Stewart. Emily, this is Noah.”
Emily leaned back against the door to her office, regarding them both silently. Noah met her gaze unflinchingly, though with a little bit of hesitation evident in his eyes. “So you’re the Noah that I keep hearing about,” she finally said, glancing over to the framed photo she had of Alison and Hunter. Noah nodded but said nothing. She smirked a little. “You’re taller than I pictured.” He didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, so Emily turned back to Casey. “And why exactly are you two here? Hunter has the day off, and Ali’s at the hospital, so-”
“We’re here to see you,” Casey admitted, fidgeting a little. Emily couldn’t help but note that as jittery as Casey was, he was standing firmly, almost protectively, in front of Noah. She brought her attention back to her former lover when he spoke again. “We need your help. What can you tell us about Cheri Love?”
************
Luke waved one last time to the members of the foundation committee before dropping heavily onto a bench. He was tired and tense, but he found he had to smile when he realized just what bench he was sitting on. His and Noah’s. This was the bench they had sat on when Noah returned from Italy, when Noah had been proud of him for telling off that bigoted guy at the foundation meeting, when Noah had managed to call him from the basement of that nightmarish cabin. In some weird way, sitting on this bench was like sitting on Noah. It made him feel comfortable, safe.
Which was something he desperately needed right now. Damian’s words back in the office were buzzing around his brain incessantly like persistent mosquitoes. Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth…
Luke knew he was being stupid. He knew he’d be in trouble when this secret inevitably came out because, let’s face it, it’s Oakdale. Secrets always have a way of coming out. But he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. It had all started with the arguments about him not going back to school. Luke had tense discussion after tense discussion with his parents and grandmother, Holden and Lucinda especially trying to get him to go back.
And Luke had resisted, because it hadn’t felt like his choice. It was supposed to be his life, and at that moment he hadn’t been ready to be a student again. Luke was secretly terrified that he would be forced to go back to college and just be doomed to repeat the same mistakes over again, and he couldn’t let that happen.
So he had managed to get his family off his back and work more on his foundation. The only problem was, the Luke Snyder Foundation was doing so well and he had hired so many competent people, they hadn’t really needed him to do much. And so Luke was growing antsy, aimless again.
Enter Damian.
They had been out at lunch (trying to bond, at Noah and Lily’s suggestion), and he had made the mistake of asking Damian how the shipping business was going. And suddenly a door opened that Luke had never realized existed. As Damian spoke, Luke realized he was interested in Damian’s business operations. After another lunch, he realized he understood it, grasped the concepts necessary for running a business.
Though was that surprising? His family was made up of business-starters and CEOs. It really as in his blood. Another lunch, this time at Damian’s office, and Luke was looking over files and reports, asking questions that caused his biological father’s eyes to light up with unexpected pleasure. Two lunches later, and Luke had a job.
He had gone home that night excited to tell Noah, only to find Noah in the middle of a ‘nerd meltdown.’ And he didn’t want to make Noah feel trivialized about his school worries, so he had kept his mouth shut with the mental promise to tell Noah ‘tomorrow.’
But that night Luke’s own worries came back to haunt him, insecurities heightened in the darkness of the bedroom. Luke knew that Noah wished he was back in school with him and Casey. Would he disapprove of Luke working for Damian? Would he be hurt that Luke hadn’t told him anything about this before? Would this just lead to an argument that neither of them needed to have right now? And if that was how Noah would react, Luke couldn’t even think about what Holden would do.
And besides, maybe this job wouldn’t work out. Maybe he would hate working for Damian. Maybe Damian would be Damian again, and not this decent guy who had taken up residence in the man’s body. (Part of Luke just couldn’t- wouldn’t- accept that Damian had changed. Whether it was self-preservation or cynicism or good instincts, Luke didn’t know. Yet.)
‘Tomorrow’ had become ‘wait-and-see.’ Then it became a week later, two weeks later, months later, and Luke found he liked his job. And he liked working for this version of Damian. And he was more and more scared that telling everyone the truth would take it all away. He was really good at his job, and he finished every day feeling accomplished, worthwhile. This was the best he had felt about himself and his future since before that election, was it so wrong that he wanted to make sure it stayed that way?
He didn’t want to hurt anyone. He didn’t want to upset anyone. His family was finally getting along with Damian and with each other. Damian was taking great strides to show he approved of Luke and Noah’s relationship. And Luke and Noah were as strong as they had ever been, this little secret not withstanding. God, Luke just didn’t want to rock the boat right now.
But he also hated lying. As the months had gone on, it weighed more and more heavily on him. He found himself wanting to skip out on Friday night dinners, but couldn’t because of the happy, content look in Noah’s eyes every time they got ready to go over to his parents’ house.
And he hated himself every time someone asked about the foundation, every time they asked how ‘work’ was going. Every time he had to lie about what he did every day… He hated seeing the look on his dad’s face, the pride, when Luke gave vague answers about working hard, doing some good in the world. He sounded like a Miss America contestant.
If you want to be treated like an adult, then you have to start acting like one. Luke really didn’t like that he had Damian’s voice, of all people, stuck in his head. He also didn’t like how true the words were. Luke sighed, re-knotting his tie. Sometimes, being an adult sucked.
************
Emily sat back in her chair, studying the young man sitting across from her. “That’s all I know, kid. Despite our… business arrangement, Cheri and I didn’t get too personal. I knew she had a kid, and she mentioned one time how the hotels here were better than the ones in Augusta, whatever that means to you…” She shrugged. “But we weren’t that close. I don’t know what you were hoping I’d tell you.”
Noah didn’t answer at first, so Casey, who was standing near the door with his arms crossed, ready to fight or flee or something, spoke for him. “We just wanted the truth about who she was. That’s it.”
Emily waved her hands in the air briefly. “Well then, there you go. That’s who she was. Sorry, Noah, but she was a businesswoman through and through. Cold-hearted, detached, ruthless. She didn’t have any real friends, and she made sure to keep it that way. Trust me, I know bitches, and she was a great one.”
“Emily, shut up!” Casey stepped forward, and she watched as one hand instinctively moved to hover over Noah’s shoulder before he pulled it back to cross his arms again. “God, you don’t have to-”
“It’s okay, Case.” Noah turned to give Casey a slight smile before turning back to Emily. “That’s what I needed to hear. Thanks.” The smile stayed in place, the blue eyes locked with hers, and for a moment Emily lamented the fact that the kid was gay. Such a waste.
She shrugged again. “Sorry I couldn’t help you any more than that.” Her mind was already going back to work, plotting out the story she had started writing this morning. As far as she was concerned, they could show themselves out.
Noah stood and moved to follow Casey out the door, but he suddenly paused in the doorway. “Wait… you said Augusta?”
Emily looked up from her computer, frowning. “Yeah, so?”
Noah shook his head, taking a step closer, Casey frowning right behind him. “We didn’t live in Augusta, we lived on the base. Fort Gordon.”
Emily’s eyes narrowed. His voice sounded skeptical, and Emily never liked being questioned. “Again, yeah so?”
Noah, surprisingly, wasn’t put off by her tone. “Why would she have been in a hotel a half hour away? I was born at that base, I’ve seen the birth certificate. My d-dad said one time that he’d never been to Augusta, that none of us had…” he trailed off, talking more to himself than to anyone else in the room. “Sorry, it’s probably nothing. Thanks.”
“Hey, come on,” this time Casey did put his hand on Noah’s shoulder, steering him out of the office. “We should get back to campus. I think your head would explode if you skipped more than one class in a day.” Noah smiled at Casey, then smiled a goodbye to Emily, which she unconsciously returned before remembering herself. Just before Casey followed Noah out, he turned to Emily. “Much as it pains me to say… thank you. For at least trying to help.”
And then he was gone before Emily could say something appropriately witty in reply. She watched them go, eyes narrowing even more. Her reporter-sense was tingling. It usually told her when there was something worth investigating. Was there even more to Cheri Love than she had thought? Some secret that needed revealing?
God, she hoped so. Oakdale had been boring for the last couple weeks. Maybe there was finally something fun going on around here…
************
Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him… Luke put his toothbrush back in its holder next to Noah’s and hung up his towel, knowing if he left it on the floor Noah would just make him pick it up later anyway. He flipped off the light and went into the bedroom, smiling at the sight of his boyfriend curled up reading on one side of the bed. Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him…
He slid in under the covers, just as Noah set aside his book and took off his glasses. “You don’t have to stop reading,” he said, partly because he loved the sight of Noah wearing glasses and partly because it meant he would have to talk to him, talk to him, talk to him…
Noah shrugged. “I’m tired. I was just waiting for you anyway.”
“Oh yeah?” Luke smiled. “Waiting for what?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively, tugging on the thermal shirt Noah was wearing. You’re supposed to talk to him, not have sex with him!
Noah flicked him on the ear. “Don’t flatter yourself,” he teased. “I just… I sleep better when you’re here.”
Luke rubbed at his ear, pretending to frown even as his insides turned to mush. “How is that not flattering?” Today had been a therapy day, so instead of teasing Noah any further, he simply turned off the bedside lamp and drew him in even closer. “Good night, Noah.”
Noah sighed into Luke’s shoulder. “Night, Luke.”
They stayed that way for just a few minutes. It was silent except for the voice screaming in Luke’s head. Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him! Finally he couldn’t take it anymore. He groaned out loud, turning back to flip the lamp back on. He sat up, leaning against the headboard, watching with a little bit of guilt as Noah blinked in the light, startled.
“Luke?” Noah questioned, rubbing his face, sitting up as well.
Luke fidgeted with the comforter covering them, clicking his teeth together nervously. “We- I need to talk to you.”
Noah’s eyes widened. “Is everything okay?”
“Um,” Luke laughed a little, nerves getting more and more frayed. This was it. “Not everything, no. We have to talk. I’m going to tell you something now, something I should have told you a long time ago. Please, let me get it all out and explain myself, and then you can yell at me, okay? And you can yell for as long as you want and loud as you want. I’ll sleep on the couch if you need me to. I’ll sleep in the laundry room. You’re going to have every right to be mad, and I want to say first that I’m really sorry I haven’t-”
“Luke.” Noah’s voice was quiet. Luke would never understand how he did that, how he was able to interrupt someone’s ranting without ever being loud. He turned his own apprehensive gaze to Noah, and was thrown by the calm, expectant look on his face. “Is this the part where you tell me you’ve been working for Damian for months without telling anyone?”
For a second Luke was sure his brain had just exploded. He couldn’t function for a few solid seconds. His lungs and heart were absolutely frozen. But then everything rushed back, and Luke had to gasp for air. “What?”
Noah was still so calm. Ridiculously calm, and not at all surprised. “You’re right. We do have to talk.”
TO BE CONTINUED! Coming Up: Luke and Noah reveal some secrets to each other, Noah has a new dream, Jack makes a trip to Statesville prison, Friday night dinner doesn't go well...
Chapter: 2/16 - I'm Yours And That's It, Whatever
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Casey, Henry, Jade, Alison, Marcus (OC), Damian, Emily
Rating: PG
Spoilers: sequel to my fic "Sins of the Father," refers to lots of things that happened in that story, takes place a few months later!
Summary: Noah tries to investigate his parents, Luke wrestles with telling the truth, Casey has women problems.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "The Ballad of Love and Hate" by the Avett Brothers- one of my favoritest bands ever!
Chapter 1 /
“You sure you want to do this now?” Luke asked, resting one hand at the small of Noah’s back.
Noah stared at the two boxes in front of him. “Would putting it off make a difference? I’ll have to look through them at some point.” He swallowed hard, nodding his head for a second. “Right?”
Luke perched his chin on top of Noah’s shoulder. “Right.” He waited a moment. “It’s just… would you feel better opening these with Dr. Weston maybe? I don’t want you-”
“No, I want you here,” Noah said, quiet but sure. With that determination now in place, he reached forward and pulled the first box closer. Luke just smiled and stayed very still and quiet, something that took more effort than he thought it would. But he held it together and held his boyfriend as Noah cut through the packing tape and ever so slowly opened the cardboard flaps. He was tentative as though afraid a demon, some unspeakable evil, would be unleashed once the box was open. Luke had to admit, the thought had crossed his mind.
The first box was Winston’s. Noah wanted to get this one over with, he couldn’t imagine there being anything pleasant inside. It was a box of his father’s possessions that the Army had sent to Oakdale after his supposed death. The last things his father had owned or kept with him before coming to Oakdale that first time. Before the major insanity had started.
Noah rested his hand on the open flap, but couldn’t bring himself to reach inside. Suddenly he had the feeling that he was tempting fate. This was like Pandora’s box. Whatever he found now… there’d be no going back. His hand shook a little, and he just couldn’t get himself to move it.
Then Luke’s hand was there, on top of his. No words were spoken, but Luke picked up his hand and guided it inside and suddenly Noah’s wasn’t shaking anymore. It was enough.
They pulled out two small plastic cases, and Noah had to try to swallow around a suddenly dry mouth. He recognized that type of case, he’d seen it many times before. Luke, however, was unaware and immediately opened the first one before Noah could stop him.
Luckily, it only held his father’s military medals. Thank God. He half-heartedly examined them- a Medal of Valor, a Purple Heart from the Gulf War, nearly half a dozen others. Looking at them now, Noah was left with a bitter taste in his mouth. These things were supposed to mean something, Noah had been taught his whole life that they were a sign of respect, and he still felt that way. And yet these had been given to a man who had done so much to dishonor it all. So many lies in his life, so many things gone wrong…
Luke gave him a semi-questioning look when Noah shoved the case away, but he said nothing. But he did make a small noise of shock when he opened the second case. It was what Noah had feared. A .22 caliber pistol. Noah couldn’t be sure if it was Army-issued or not, and he didn’t want to get close enough to find out.
He hated guns. No matter how hard his father had pushed him into handling them, no matter how good he had actually gotten at firing a gun, Noah hated them. And considering the last time he had held one he had almost used it to kill a man…
“You okay?” Luke asked, somehow moving in even closer, his arm wrapping around Noah’s waist. He didn’t want to touch the gun either.
“Yeah,” Noah hoped he sounded convincing. Idly he wondered if this was the gun his father had used to kill Charlene and almost kill Dusty. Should he give this to the cops as evidence? Would it even matter anymore? He made a mental note to ask Jack next time they hung out.
In the meantime, he felt a little of the tension ease as Luke finally reached over and pushed the case away to the far end of the table. Out of sight, out of mind, Noah reminded himself as Luke pulled an American flag out of the box, folded regulation-style. Luke set the flag aside much more carefully before peering into the box again. “One thing left,” he said, reaching for Noah’s hand.
The last thing they picked up together was a cigar box. Noah almost flinched at the sight of it. He hated cigars, hated the smell. His father had smoked cigars for as long as he could remember, almost every night. Usually after he’d been drinking, either out with his Army buddies or alone in his study.
The thought of that smell, cigar smoke combined with Scotch, was enough to make Noah sick to his stomach. His father’s voice, short and cutting and slurring just a little. His father’s movements, unpredictable and unsteady, coming at him… Noah clenched his right hand as it started to go numb.
But Luke was there again, gently pulling his fingers out of the fist, keeping his hand open and flat. “It’s just a box,” he murmured in Noah’s ear. “No matter what, right now it’s just a box. And it’s just you and me, okay?”
Noah stared down at their joined hands. Decidedly not looking at the box. After a moment he nodded. “Okay.” His voice was just as quiet. He looked over to Luke for some reassurance, which of course he got, and then turned back to the table. He opened the lid and almost sighed in relief at the sight of photographs and papers. He had half been expecting to see like a severed head in there or something. Nothing would have surprised him at this point.
But it was just photographs. Some of Winston and other Army guys from over the years (thankfully no one Noah recognized from over the summer- he didn’t know what he’d do if he was suddenly confronted with a picture of Alan), a shot of an older couple Noah was fairly sure were his deceased grandparents, and some of Noah. None of Charlene.
Luke took the pictures of Noah out of the cigar box to study. They were of various ages, the earliest looking to be him at about four or five years old. A shot of him at Christmas with a rocking horse and with that full-on grin Luke still didn’t get to see nearly enough, Noah standing still and solemn in a suit and tie with his father at what looked like a military funeral, Noah in a Little League baseball uniform.
Luke was about to tease him when he came across another photo- an eight year old Noah in swimming trunks on a beach somewhere. What caught Luke’s eye was the tiny, barely noticeable mark on the little boy’s side. A bruise. And suddenly Luke didn’t feel like teasing anymore. He carefully moved that picture to the bottom of the pile before Noah could see it.
Noah was busy shaking his head, looking through the other pictures. “There’s nothing. No pictures of that yard or the neighborhood. Why can’t I figure out where it’s from?” He frowned at the papers in his hands, bank statements and military records. Nothing he could use to get over this damn mental block.
Luke smiled gently, rubbing his shoulder. “You want to try the next box?” Noah looked over everything on the table again and nodded, trying his hardest not to sigh. The next box was Charlene’s. It would probably be the easier of the two, considering Noah had already looked through some of it two years ago. This time Noah carefully pulled out the packets of letters and the toys and set them almost reverently on the table nearby.
Luke couldn’t help but reach out and pick up the little stuffed dog. He examined the thing, noting how worn it was, how well-loved it must have been. He could imagine little toddler-version of Noah carrying it around, playing with it in the back yard, hugging it tightly in his sleep. He found himself hugging his Noah a little tighter now.
Noah was busy taking deep breaths. He flipped carefully through the photographs- all of him as a baby. All inside a crib. Inside. He sighed, frustration building up in his chest. He was hoping for a picture of the yard from his dream. His mood souring, he was surprised to hear Luke laugh next to him. He turned quizzical eyes to his boyfriend.
Luke immediately tried to stop his laughter, but his grin remained. “Sorry. It’s just…” he picked up one of the photos, of the little blue-eyed baby smiling at the camera. “For someone who hates having his picture taken, it appears you’ve always been pretty photogenic, Noah Mayer.”
The overheated feeling spreading across his face told Noah he was blushing. “Cut it out, I’m trying to brood over here,” he mumbled, setting the photos down next to his mother’s letters.
Luke laughed again. “Hey, it’s only fair. You’ve seen every single photo of me ever developed from birth to, like, last week. It’s about time I get- hey!” he pulled all the baby pictures into his lap. “I wonder how much money Mom and Grandma would be willing to pay to see these…”
“Oh God,” Noah groaned. He hadn’t thought of that. He so didn’t need those up on a mantle at Snyder farm or Lily’s house. No, no, no. He quickly grabbed the pictures away from Luke. “No way.”
“Aw, Noah, come on!” Luke tried to get them back, but Noah stretched his arm out, keeping the photos away. Luke glared for just a second before a wicked gleam lit up his eyes.
Noah had just a second of warning before Luke was shooting up out of his chair and reaching for the pictures again. Noah scrambled away, a smile inadvertently appearing on his face. Which is what Luke had wanted in the first place. So he kept up the pursuit, chasing Noah into the living room, laughing.
He mock-glared again when Noah smirked and held his arm all the way up, stretching it to his fullest height which they both knew would be out of Luke’s reach. “Cheater,” Luke accused.
Noah’s smirk grew wider, but before he could say anything Luke stepped in closer and kissed him hard, sucking all the air out of Noah’s lungs. Noah’s eyebrows raised in surprise even as his eyes closed instinctively. For all the weaknesses he had been berated for throughout his life, he could honestly say Luke’s kisses were one he was glad to have.
He didn’t even realize Luke had maneuvered them over to couch until he felt himself fall back onto it, Luke right on top of him. Though he did manage to keep his hand stretched up above his head, away from Luke.
Luke kept up the distraction, leaving a trail of kisses down Noah’s jaw and neck to the collar of his plaid button-up before going for his lips again. Noah responded in kind, already leaning up for the kiss, not even noticing as Luke ran a hand up his arm and lightly grasped his wrist. Luke pulled the hand down and guided it to rest on his lower back, as though molding Noah into giving him a hug. But then he used Noah’s hand to slide the pictures into his back pocket. Victory.
Noah finally laughed into the kiss and pulled free, trying to frown. Luke gave his best innocent face. “What?”
Noah shook his head, refraining from sticking his tongue out (slightly afraid of what Luke would do to said tongue.) “Cheater,” he threw back. Not that he was really complaining. Before Luke could say anything in reply Noah pulled him back down for another kiss, making it last, letting himself forget about everything covering their kitchen table. The past. His father, his mother. His dream and mixed up memories. His Film and Personal History grade. Everything. Right now he didn’t want to care, he just wanted Luke.
And Luke was happy to give himself back, take away the drama for awhile. It sounded trivial considering everything they had been through, but if he could do something to cheer Noah up, he’d do it. And hey, Luke thought to himself as they helped each other shed their clothes, if he got some enjoyment out of it too, then it was a win-win situation. Luke had always liked those.
************
“Yo, H.C.! What’s the happs this morning?” Casey called out as he entered Al’s, taking a seat at the counter and spinning around a few times.
Henry stared at him for a few seconds. “It’s like you’re trying to speak English, I know it.”
Casey just grinned. “Can I get two Number Three specials, one with extra bacon? And two coffees.”
“Either you have the munchies or a breakfast date with Alison.” Henry rolled his eyes as he put in the order to the kitchen.
“No reason I can’t have both!” Casey spun around one more time for effect.
Henry laughed in spite of himself. “Well, it’s nice to see you in such a good mood. Speaking of which, I had an entirely too lighthearted conversation with my little sister yesterday. What is wrong with today’s youth?”
He shrugged. “What can I say, Henry? Young love and all that…”
Henry shuddered. “It’s my little sister. She’s not allowed to be in love until she’s thirty.”
“Come on, man, Hunter’s a nice guy. I mean, once you get past the obvious problems- the clumsiness, the geekery, the kicking of puppies…” He grinned again when Henry groaned and moved away.
“Sometimes I can’t believe they let you out of prison,” the man mumbled.
“I wonder the same thing every day,” another voice spoke up from the other end of the counter.
Casey looked over to see Jade sipping on her own cup of coffee. “Oh my God, Jade, what are you doing here? The sun’s up! Won’t you, like, melt if you come in direct contact with it?”
She rolled her eyes audibly. “Oh so clever, Hughes. Noah isn’t working at Java this morning, and he’s the only one I trust over there to make my coffee right. So Al’s will have to do. Though I’m surprised,” she tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I could have sworn I read a sign on the way in here: No animals allowed inside without a leash. How’d you manage to sneak in?”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Casey held up a hand, eyes wide. “You can read?”
Jade glowered at him, smiling. “Uh-huh. And I didn’t need to go back to school a third time to learn how. How’s that geology class going, by the way?”
Casey fought back a sigh. He couldn’t show weakness, he couldn’t give her the upper hand. But internally he cursed Noah and Luke for being such nice guys and being friends with both of them. “Just fine. What helps is knowing I’m finally getting my life on track, you know? Finally making something of myself, living up to my potential… Oh, how’s your life going, by the way?” he consciously mimicked her question.
She dropped her smile, but not her glare. In fact, it intensified enough to burn. “Just fine,” she mimicked him right back. “It’s a relief not having to pretend to be better than I actually am. Have everyone around me just waiting for that moment when I inevitably screw up again.”
“Okay, you know what?” He had somehow gotten to his feet without realizing it.
“What?” Jade had too, and they were standing nearly toe-to-toe.
Casey leaned in even closer, almost inches from her face, but Jade didn’t back down. She never did, did she? They locked eyes. He was just opening his mouth to say something when he realized there was someone else standing near them, watching them. As one, he and Jade turned back to the counter to see Henry studying them with a smirk, one eyebrow raised.
He held up a hand. “Don’t mind me, just enjoying the tennis match. Carry on.”
Casey did sigh then, taking a step back to run a hand through his hair, slightly surprised to see Jade do the same thing. She glared at him one more time before grabbing her purse and storming out. Casey watched her go before twisting back to look at Henry. “What?”
Henry shrugged. “Just want to remind you that you’re going to be meeting your girlfriend any minute for breakfast, and you might want to wipe away the sweat from your verbal sparring before she gets here.”
Casey dropped back onto the stool heavily. “Henry, swear to God, you say anything more and I will call Maddie right now and tell her you gave her and Hunter permission to elope.”
Henry mimed zipping up his mouth and headed back into the kitchen just as Alison entered the diner. “Morning,” she called out, taking the seat next to his.
“Hey,” he smiled at her, but in his mind he flashed back to months ago. When they used to greet each other every morning as though they hadn’t seen each other in weeks, couldn’t stop kissing, couldn’t stop touching each other. Ali settled down next to him without another word, pulling out a newspaper and sipping her coffee.
Casey sat next to her, holding his own cup. That was it. What had he told Noah? It was ‘nice?’ Was that all it was anymore? What was wrong with him that now he got more worked up yelling at Jade than he did seeing his girlfriend first thing in the morning?
His thoughts were interrupted by the quick, re-arrival of Henry. “Wait- what do you mean give Maddie and Hunter permission to elope?”
************
“It just bugs me, you know? It… it feels important, for some reason. And it’s like my brain is betraying me.” Noah leaned forward in his chair, frustrated.
Marcus nodded a little, rubbing a hand along his jaw. “Maybe you’re trying to force it too much. Putting too much pressure on yourself. I know that’s a concept you’re unfamiliar with, but…” he shrugged, fighting off a smile.
Noah glared half-heartedly. “You know, sarcasm is a disturbing thing coming from a person of your age.”
Marcus quirked up one eyebrow. “And what age would that be?”
Noah paused, pretending to think. “Late twenties?”
Marcus chuckled. “Good boy.” He settled back more comfortably in his own chair. “Well, let’s look at this in a different way. Pretend the memory is a scene from a movie. Trace it back logically. You said you think you were two or three. Where was your family living then?”
Noah almost winced at the term ‘family.’ He was just now getting how much of a family they hadn’t been. “Okay… we were… It had to have been in either Georgia or North Carolina. We lived at Fort Gordon until I was two or three, and then we were at Fort Bragg when Charlene, um, left.”
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you refer to her as your mother,” Marcus pointed out.
By now, Noah was used to Marcus’s abrupt line of questioning. He shrugged. “It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of her as one.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “She… she left me. With him. Maybe she didn’t know how bad it would get, maybe she thought she would do a worse job raising me, I don’t know. I don’t know why she didn’t take me with her. Though, I mean,” he sighed a little. “It’s not like she turned out to be this amazingly wonderful person either. It’s not like it would’ve been a great alternative…”
“But it would have been an alternative,” Marcus finished for him. “We’ve talked about this, Noah. It’s okay to admit you didn’t like how you grew up. It’s encouraged, actually.”
Noah stuck to the subject at hand, not up for going down that road right now. “She wasn’t really my mother. Not that I can remember. She was a woman who gave birth to me, and then left me. She was Charlene. She didn’t raise me, she wasn’t a mother.”
“And yet she’s in this memory of yours,” the doctor pointed out. “It’s the first memory you have of yourself. And she’s there. It’s a fuzzy and insubstantial image, but it is your mother. That tells me it’s worth exploring.”
“And if I tell you it’s not?” Noah questioned hopefully.
Marcus smiled a little, shaking his head. “I’m a therapist. Childhood memories and dream analysis are my bread and butter, kid.”
“Figured you’d say that,” Noah mumbled.
The doctor chuckled again. “Okay, back to the memory. Pretend it’s a scene in a movie. There’s got to be some clue in the surroundings, in what you see that makes up everything on screen-”
“The mise-en-scène,” Noah supplied instinctively, flushing when he realized he’d interrupted.
Marcus just smiled, refraining from making one of his bad jokes in the moment. “In the mise-en-scène that tells you where you are.”
Noah frowned, his eyes closing as he tried to bring the memory to the forefront of his brain again. “I don’t know. We moved so much over the years, everything was always… it always kinda looked the same. Although…”
“Although what?” Marcus prompted when Noah trailed off.
Noah shook his head. “It’s just, the yards were all so nice. Really green, lots of flowers and gardens all the way down the street. There’s even white picket fences, for God’s sake. I don’t remember any military base being that suburban and nice. It’s weird.”
Marcus thought about it for a moment. “Maybe that’s where your mind is playing tricks on you.”
“How?” Noah opened his eyes finally.
“Maybe it’s a little more dream than memory right now. The Stepford-like front yards, two kids and a dog, a mother calling you in for dinner...” Marcus sat forward a little. “You don’t have a lot of happy childhood memories, Noah. This could be you mixing it with some idyllic setting from a movie or a TV show. To make it okay for you to remember it, to share it with me and Luke and your class.”
Noah’s frown turned thoughtful, turning that over in his head. Of course it made sense. How often in the past had he escaped real life by imagining himself in a TV show or movie? A lot. “I guess that makes sense. But then why-” And then he cut himself off with a shake of his head. Oops.
Marcus of course wasn’t going to let that go. “Why what?”
Noah checked the clock and realized there was too much time left for him to try and stall until the end of the session. Crap. “I had the dream again last night. But it went further this time, and there was a… a car or something. There was a loud noise, and then I woke up.” He looked up at Marcus, confused, asking the man to tell him what it all meant.
Marcus gathered his thoughts, but decided to focus on something else. “Have you been waking up from dreams a lot lately?”
Noah tilted his head sideways a little. “Not a lot. Sometimes. It’s different dreams now, it’s not… it’s not the stuff from this spring. It’s just this memory. It’s bugging me. And I only have two weeks to figure out-”
“Noah, so help me God, if you add worrying about your grades on top of all of this…” Marcus tried to appear stern, but he wasn’t sure if he pulled it off. He waited for Noah to smile before diving in again. “Are you having trouble sleeping?”
Noah shook his head vehemently. “I don’t want those pills again.” He hated sleeping pills.
“Want vs. need, Noah. Are you having trouble sleeping?” Marcus repeated.
“No,” Noah said firmly. Maybe if he was still living at the farm that would be a problem. But no, Noah shared a bed with Luke now. He had no problems feeling safe at night. Sure, he didn’t like being kept inside small rooms for too long, and total darkness was out of the question, but other than that Noah felt he was doing just fine.
He really didn’t want those damn sleeping pills. And he didn’t need a therapist to tell him why- the pills controlled when Noah fell asleep, and Noah didn’t want anything to have control over his body but him. (…And maybe Luke.)
Marcus studied him silently, and Noah knew this was one of those times that his doctor would make an executive decision if he had to. He tensed even as he held Marcus’s gaze, but Marcus nodded finally. “Okay. But if we keep going back to these dreams and they keep waking you up at night, then we’re going to have this talk again. Understood?”
Noah hesitated just a moment before giving in. “Okay.”
Marcus nodded himself. “Okay,” he echoed, sitting back in his chair again, back in Session Mode. “Now, let’s get back to talking about your m- about Charlene.”
************
Casey re-shouldered his backpack as he left the foreign languages building, moving quickly through the masses of students, sidestepping a couple that was basically making out in the middle of the path. He glared irrationally at them, simultaneously disgusted and jealous of their PDA. And he had no idea why it bugged him so much. Okay, he knew exactly why it bugged him so much, and that only caused him to be even more annoyed.
He was so distracted with those thoughts that he almost walked right past Noah without even seeing him. He did a quick double-take and then plopped down on the bench next to his friend. “Dude, Class-From-Hell starts in like ten minutes, how come…” and then he trailed off. Noah had that look on his face, the something’s-wrong-that-I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-but-I-probably-should-before-something-implodes look. “What’s wrong?”
Noah shrugged a little. He had an old, worn-looking envelope in his hands, one of those old Kodak envelopes that pictures came in after being developed. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“But something isn’t right,” Casey countered. “What’s going on?”
“I talked to Dr. Weston about that memory,” Noah relented. “And now I feel like things are just going to get… I don’t know, wrong or something. Like it’s not her I should be focusing on.”
“The memory with the kids and the dog?” Casey clarified. After Noah’s nod, Casey continued. “What’s so wrong about it? Why do you look like someone just told you Danny Boyle died?”
Noah couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t even joke about that,” he smirked before growing serious again. “Dr. Weston thinks, since my mother is in the memory, that I need to… to ‘resolve my feelings’ about her.” He grimaced, as though the phrase left a bad taste in his mouth.
Casey honestly didn’t know how to react. When he thought about Noah, Noah’s childhood and family, he really only thought about the Colonel. Most of the time he completely forgot about Cheri Love or Charlene or whoever the hell she was. “Is that so wrong?” he asked carefully. “I know he’s old and he’s dating Lucinda Walsh of all people, but you have to admit the Doc’s a pretty smart guy.”
Noah smiled faintly again. “Yeah, he is. But it’s not that simple. I don’t really have feelings about her. I didn’t know her. How am I supposed to-?”
“So talk to someone who did know her,” Casey shrugged.
Noah shook his head. “That’s not so simple either. I need… I need, like, an unbiased view of her. Her sister wouldn’t have that. Neither would Dusty, or Ali, or Lily… I don’t know how to fix this.” He was frowning again, staring down at his shoes. “Sorry, I don’t mean to dump my lame-ass problems on you. Forget it.”
Casey found himself frowning too. It was his job to keep the people he liked as happy and carefree as someone in Oakdale could be. One of the reasons he liked being Noah’s friend was that it was easy to make the guy happy. He’d never seen someone be so appreciative of simple, friendly gestures. But right now, his friend wasn’t happy. Casey wasn’t doing his job.
His job… And just like that, Casey had a thought. Maybe not a good one, but it was definitely a thought. And then it became a plan, one that was just crazy enough to work. And Casey always liked those plans. “Noah?”
“Yeah?” Noah was busy putting the photos back in his messenger bag.
Casey wondered if those were the childhood photos Luke had told him about. He made a mental note to try to steal the envelope later. For the time being, “I think I know someone you can talk to. And trust me, she won’t sugarcoat anything.”
Noah’s eyes narrowed, half in confusion and half in apprehension. “Who?”
************
“Luke-”
“No.”
“I just think-”
“No.”
“Luciano-”
“Don’t call me Luciano.”
Damian sighed, taking a moment to keep his cool. “Luke,” he corrected himself firmly. “This is a great opportunity, and I would really like for you to come on this trip to New York with me. It’s just for two days, and it would be a great way for you to see what an executive really does. It would be good for you. I just want to make sure you’re thinking everything through.”
He settled down in the chair across the desk from his son. Luke remained in his own chair, glaring back at Damian. The man had to admit, he felt more than a little pride seeing his son in a suit and tie, behind a desk with the Grimaldi Shipping emblem on it. This was the dream, it really was. His legacy.
“The only thing I’m interested in thinking through right now are this past month’s expense reports, Damian, so unless you’re here to talk about that…” Luke nodded his head towards the door of his office. Even Luke seemed a little surprised at how authoritative he was in that moment. He flushed for just a second before going back to the papers in front of him.
Damian managed not to sigh, but only just. It just wasn’t in Luke’s nature to do things the easy way, was it? “How are the reports?” He decided to go along with it for now.
“Well, now that you mention it…” Luke pulled out the two expense filings for December, laying them side-by-side in front of Damian. “There’s something weird going on here. There’s an extra account on the carbon copy of one file, but it’s not on the original.”
Damian frowned. “Another clerical error?”
Luke shook his head. “Maybe, but it doesn’t seem likely. It’s a lot of money, Damian. I would think we’d notice if that much profit was missing. But the end of the year expenses aren’t missing anything, I double-checked.” He sighed, blowing hair out of his face in frustration. “It’s like there’s an account that was left off the expo list or something. Do you have any idea what it could be?”
He shook his head. “No, but give me the papers. I’ll look into it.”
Luke handed over the papers, somewhat hesitant. “Are you sure? I can dig around some more. The answer has to be around here somewhere.”
“No, don’t worry about it. If it is a real problem, it should be my job to take care of it anyway. But it’s probably nothing. Someone in accounting made a mistake, most likely.”
Luke still looked doubtful, but let it drop. “If you say so.” He checked his watch, loosening his tie as he did so. “I have to meet up with some foundation people for lunch, make sure it looks like I’m still putting in the time over there. I’ll be back in an hour or so, okay?”
Damian fought off another sigh. “That’s fine, son. But Luke-”
“Damian,” Luke held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear a lecture.”
“Maybe you need to, Luke!” Damian burst out, surprising the both of them. “You can’t keep this a secret, it’s dangerous.”
“Dangerous?” Luke snorted. “How’s that?”
“Look, I know why you haven’t told anyone, I know you don’t want to upset them, and I understand that. But things like this have a way of getting out, and once they do…” he shook his head. “It’s not going to go well. Your mother and Holden, Lucinda, Noah…”
“Yeah, none of them trust you, some of them don’t like you, I know all this,” Luke was just this side of rolling his eyes. So much for the executive. Now he looked like a petulant teenager.
“It’s not that, Luke! Well,” Damian amended. “Not just that. No, all of them are going to be less upset that you’re working for me and more upset that you haven’t told them. That you’ve been lying for months.”
Luke winced, saying nothing for a moment. But then he shook his head. “It’s my decision, Damian. Not yours. I’ll figure it out myself, I don’t need you telling me what to do. For God’s sake, I’m supposed to be an adult now, so why-”
“If you want to be treated like an adult, then you have to start acting like one,” Damian’s voice, very quiet, cut through Luke’s tirade. His son’s eyes widened with shock, but Damian gathered his courage and kept going. “A man takes responsibility for his own actions. Tell your family the truth, Luke. Before you get in over your head, before things get worse. Before someone gets hurt.”
************
“Why am I suddenly feeling really nervous?” Noah murmured to Casey as they entered the front office.
Casey put a firm hand on Noah’s shoulder. “Because we just walked into her lair. Be strong, dude. She can smell fear a mile away.”
Noah couldn’t help but shake his head. “Thanks, Case. So glad you’re here,” he deadpanned.
“Hey, whatever I can do to help,” he shrugged. Then he spun around so he was facing Noah. “Now, listen to me, there are a couple pointers I should give you before you meet her. One, be careful looking directly into her eyes. If they turn red, she may start sucking out your soul. Two, always know where the closest exit is. Three...” He frowned when Noah nodded to something over his shoulder. Turning, he came face to face with the woman in question, who was standing right behind him. Casey jumped about a foot into the air. “Jesus!”
“Yeah, not quite,” she smirked, obviously taking pleasure in scaring him. “What are you doing here, Casey? And who’s this?” She nodded towards Noah.
Casey sighed, gesturing as he made the introductions. “Noah Mayer, Emily Stewart. Emily, this is Noah.”
Emily leaned back against the door to her office, regarding them both silently. Noah met her gaze unflinchingly, though with a little bit of hesitation evident in his eyes. “So you’re the Noah that I keep hearing about,” she finally said, glancing over to the framed photo she had of Alison and Hunter. Noah nodded but said nothing. She smirked a little. “You’re taller than I pictured.” He didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, so Emily turned back to Casey. “And why exactly are you two here? Hunter has the day off, and Ali’s at the hospital, so-”
“We’re here to see you,” Casey admitted, fidgeting a little. Emily couldn’t help but note that as jittery as Casey was, he was standing firmly, almost protectively, in front of Noah. She brought her attention back to her former lover when he spoke again. “We need your help. What can you tell us about Cheri Love?”
************
Luke waved one last time to the members of the foundation committee before dropping heavily onto a bench. He was tired and tense, but he found he had to smile when he realized just what bench he was sitting on. His and Noah’s. This was the bench they had sat on when Noah returned from Italy, when Noah had been proud of him for telling off that bigoted guy at the foundation meeting, when Noah had managed to call him from the basement of that nightmarish cabin. In some weird way, sitting on this bench was like sitting on Noah. It made him feel comfortable, safe.
Which was something he desperately needed right now. Damian’s words back in the office were buzzing around his brain incessantly like persistent mosquitoes. Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth…
Luke knew he was being stupid. He knew he’d be in trouble when this secret inevitably came out because, let’s face it, it’s Oakdale. Secrets always have a way of coming out. But he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. It had all started with the arguments about him not going back to school. Luke had tense discussion after tense discussion with his parents and grandmother, Holden and Lucinda especially trying to get him to go back.
And Luke had resisted, because it hadn’t felt like his choice. It was supposed to be his life, and at that moment he hadn’t been ready to be a student again. Luke was secretly terrified that he would be forced to go back to college and just be doomed to repeat the same mistakes over again, and he couldn’t let that happen.
So he had managed to get his family off his back and work more on his foundation. The only problem was, the Luke Snyder Foundation was doing so well and he had hired so many competent people, they hadn’t really needed him to do much. And so Luke was growing antsy, aimless again.
Enter Damian.
They had been out at lunch (trying to bond, at Noah and Lily’s suggestion), and he had made the mistake of asking Damian how the shipping business was going. And suddenly a door opened that Luke had never realized existed. As Damian spoke, Luke realized he was interested in Damian’s business operations. After another lunch, he realized he understood it, grasped the concepts necessary for running a business.
Though was that surprising? His family was made up of business-starters and CEOs. It really as in his blood. Another lunch, this time at Damian’s office, and Luke was looking over files and reports, asking questions that caused his biological father’s eyes to light up with unexpected pleasure. Two lunches later, and Luke had a job.
He had gone home that night excited to tell Noah, only to find Noah in the middle of a ‘nerd meltdown.’ And he didn’t want to make Noah feel trivialized about his school worries, so he had kept his mouth shut with the mental promise to tell Noah ‘tomorrow.’
But that night Luke’s own worries came back to haunt him, insecurities heightened in the darkness of the bedroom. Luke knew that Noah wished he was back in school with him and Casey. Would he disapprove of Luke working for Damian? Would he be hurt that Luke hadn’t told him anything about this before? Would this just lead to an argument that neither of them needed to have right now? And if that was how Noah would react, Luke couldn’t even think about what Holden would do.
And besides, maybe this job wouldn’t work out. Maybe he would hate working for Damian. Maybe Damian would be Damian again, and not this decent guy who had taken up residence in the man’s body. (Part of Luke just couldn’t- wouldn’t- accept that Damian had changed. Whether it was self-preservation or cynicism or good instincts, Luke didn’t know. Yet.)
‘Tomorrow’ had become ‘wait-and-see.’ Then it became a week later, two weeks later, months later, and Luke found he liked his job. And he liked working for this version of Damian. And he was more and more scared that telling everyone the truth would take it all away. He was really good at his job, and he finished every day feeling accomplished, worthwhile. This was the best he had felt about himself and his future since before that election, was it so wrong that he wanted to make sure it stayed that way?
He didn’t want to hurt anyone. He didn’t want to upset anyone. His family was finally getting along with Damian and with each other. Damian was taking great strides to show he approved of Luke and Noah’s relationship. And Luke and Noah were as strong as they had ever been, this little secret not withstanding. God, Luke just didn’t want to rock the boat right now.
But he also hated lying. As the months had gone on, it weighed more and more heavily on him. He found himself wanting to skip out on Friday night dinners, but couldn’t because of the happy, content look in Noah’s eyes every time they got ready to go over to his parents’ house.
And he hated himself every time someone asked about the foundation, every time they asked how ‘work’ was going. Every time he had to lie about what he did every day… He hated seeing the look on his dad’s face, the pride, when Luke gave vague answers about working hard, doing some good in the world. He sounded like a Miss America contestant.
If you want to be treated like an adult, then you have to start acting like one. Luke really didn’t like that he had Damian’s voice, of all people, stuck in his head. He also didn’t like how true the words were. Luke sighed, re-knotting his tie. Sometimes, being an adult sucked.
************
Emily sat back in her chair, studying the young man sitting across from her. “That’s all I know, kid. Despite our… business arrangement, Cheri and I didn’t get too personal. I knew she had a kid, and she mentioned one time how the hotels here were better than the ones in Augusta, whatever that means to you…” She shrugged. “But we weren’t that close. I don’t know what you were hoping I’d tell you.”
Noah didn’t answer at first, so Casey, who was standing near the door with his arms crossed, ready to fight or flee or something, spoke for him. “We just wanted the truth about who she was. That’s it.”
Emily waved her hands in the air briefly. “Well then, there you go. That’s who she was. Sorry, Noah, but she was a businesswoman through and through. Cold-hearted, detached, ruthless. She didn’t have any real friends, and she made sure to keep it that way. Trust me, I know bitches, and she was a great one.”
“Emily, shut up!” Casey stepped forward, and she watched as one hand instinctively moved to hover over Noah’s shoulder before he pulled it back to cross his arms again. “God, you don’t have to-”
“It’s okay, Case.” Noah turned to give Casey a slight smile before turning back to Emily. “That’s what I needed to hear. Thanks.” The smile stayed in place, the blue eyes locked with hers, and for a moment Emily lamented the fact that the kid was gay. Such a waste.
She shrugged again. “Sorry I couldn’t help you any more than that.” Her mind was already going back to work, plotting out the story she had started writing this morning. As far as she was concerned, they could show themselves out.
Noah stood and moved to follow Casey out the door, but he suddenly paused in the doorway. “Wait… you said Augusta?”
Emily looked up from her computer, frowning. “Yeah, so?”
Noah shook his head, taking a step closer, Casey frowning right behind him. “We didn’t live in Augusta, we lived on the base. Fort Gordon.”
Emily’s eyes narrowed. His voice sounded skeptical, and Emily never liked being questioned. “Again, yeah so?”
Noah, surprisingly, wasn’t put off by her tone. “Why would she have been in a hotel a half hour away? I was born at that base, I’ve seen the birth certificate. My d-dad said one time that he’d never been to Augusta, that none of us had…” he trailed off, talking more to himself than to anyone else in the room. “Sorry, it’s probably nothing. Thanks.”
“Hey, come on,” this time Casey did put his hand on Noah’s shoulder, steering him out of the office. “We should get back to campus. I think your head would explode if you skipped more than one class in a day.” Noah smiled at Casey, then smiled a goodbye to Emily, which she unconsciously returned before remembering herself. Just before Casey followed Noah out, he turned to Emily. “Much as it pains me to say… thank you. For at least trying to help.”
And then he was gone before Emily could say something appropriately witty in reply. She watched them go, eyes narrowing even more. Her reporter-sense was tingling. It usually told her when there was something worth investigating. Was there even more to Cheri Love than she had thought? Some secret that needed revealing?
God, she hoped so. Oakdale had been boring for the last couple weeks. Maybe there was finally something fun going on around here…
************
Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him… Luke put his toothbrush back in its holder next to Noah’s and hung up his towel, knowing if he left it on the floor Noah would just make him pick it up later anyway. He flipped off the light and went into the bedroom, smiling at the sight of his boyfriend curled up reading on one side of the bed. Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him…
He slid in under the covers, just as Noah set aside his book and took off his glasses. “You don’t have to stop reading,” he said, partly because he loved the sight of Noah wearing glasses and partly because it meant he would have to talk to him, talk to him, talk to him…
Noah shrugged. “I’m tired. I was just waiting for you anyway.”
“Oh yeah?” Luke smiled. “Waiting for what?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively, tugging on the thermal shirt Noah was wearing. You’re supposed to talk to him, not have sex with him!
Noah flicked him on the ear. “Don’t flatter yourself,” he teased. “I just… I sleep better when you’re here.”
Luke rubbed at his ear, pretending to frown even as his insides turned to mush. “How is that not flattering?” Today had been a therapy day, so instead of teasing Noah any further, he simply turned off the bedside lamp and drew him in even closer. “Good night, Noah.”
Noah sighed into Luke’s shoulder. “Night, Luke.”
They stayed that way for just a few minutes. It was silent except for the voice screaming in Luke’s head. Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him! Finally he couldn’t take it anymore. He groaned out loud, turning back to flip the lamp back on. He sat up, leaning against the headboard, watching with a little bit of guilt as Noah blinked in the light, startled.
“Luke?” Noah questioned, rubbing his face, sitting up as well.
Luke fidgeted with the comforter covering them, clicking his teeth together nervously. “We- I need to talk to you.”
Noah’s eyes widened. “Is everything okay?”
“Um,” Luke laughed a little, nerves getting more and more frayed. This was it. “Not everything, no. We have to talk. I’m going to tell you something now, something I should have told you a long time ago. Please, let me get it all out and explain myself, and then you can yell at me, okay? And you can yell for as long as you want and loud as you want. I’ll sleep on the couch if you need me to. I’ll sleep in the laundry room. You’re going to have every right to be mad, and I want to say first that I’m really sorry I haven’t-”
“Luke.” Noah’s voice was quiet. Luke would never understand how he did that, how he was able to interrupt someone’s ranting without ever being loud. He turned his own apprehensive gaze to Noah, and was thrown by the calm, expectant look on his face. “Is this the part where you tell me you’ve been working for Damian for months without telling anyone?”
For a second Luke was sure his brain had just exploded. He couldn’t function for a few solid seconds. His lungs and heart were absolutely frozen. But then everything rushed back, and Luke had to gasp for air. “What?”
Noah was still so calm. Ridiculously calm, and not at all surprised. “You’re right. We do have to talk.”
TO BE CONTINUED! Coming Up: Luke and Noah reveal some secrets to each other, Noah has a new dream, Jack makes a trip to Statesville prison, Friday night dinner doesn't go well...