Fic: All the Way To Paris 21/29 (CSI, Nick/Greg, NC17)
Because I'm not that mean, part 21. I have two birthday fics this week and a promised sequel to "From Hudson Bay", and I told misssimm I'd see what I could do about "Slaves of Las Vegas" fic, so I'm not sure how soon I'll get the next part of this thing out. But I'll try.
It took Greg a few hours to start feeling guilty, but by the time he started to regret hanging up on Nick it seemed like it was too late to call him back. The truth was that Nick had been right -- Greg was embarrassed about the way he left, and he'd spent a lot of time feeling sorry for himself in the past few months. Those weren't the biggest reasons he didn't want to go back to Las Vegas, but they were close enough to the truth to sting.
Not that he was entirely at fault. Nick just wouldn't let the Vegas thing go, and even though part of Greg was flattered, he was getting a little tired of hearing about it. He didn't want to call Grissom and ask for his job back; he liked California, and anyway he was making more money at his new job than he had been at the crime lab. He'd told Grissom once that it wasn't about the money and he still believed it, but he wasn't sure he could make Nick understand what it was about.
Maybe Nick was right and he was just letting his pride get in the way of his happiness, but it wasn't like he was miserable in L.A. He liked his job, he liked his friends and it was kind of nice to be close to his parents again. His new apartment wasn't much to look at, but it wasn't that different from his place in Vegas, and besides it wasn't like he was planning to spend a lot of time there. All California was really missing was Nick, but he had a feeling he'd screwed that up anyway.
It wasn't that hard not to think about it while he was busy repacking the few things he'd bothered to unpack in the first place. Getting his keys and moving his things from his parents' place to the apartment took up most of his free time for almost a week, but when he found himself alone in an apartment surrounded by boxes it was hard to stop himself from thinking. There wasn't much else to do, really, because unpacking all the stuff he hadn't seen since Vegas just reminded him of exactly what he'd left behind.
Everything reminded him of the lab -- his textbooks, the coffee mug he'd kept on his lab station for as long as he could remember, even that stupid surfboard keychain he'd fished out of his drawer the day he'd packed up the last of his stuff. He pushed the memory of the lab to the back of his mind and tried to focus on the future, on everything he could do now that he was back in California. His hands had stopped shaking so much, and with any luck he'd be ready to get back out on the waves by next season. Steve had made him promise he'd drag his surfboard out of his parents' basement, and now it was leaning against the wall in his new living room, just waiting for Greg to pull himself together.
There was a lot to look forward to, and nothing that he'd left behind couldn't be replaced or forgotten eventually. He wasn't missing anything -- not even Nick, because sure, Greg had wanted him for a long time, but it wasn't like they were committed or anything. Even if they were it wouldn't matter, because he was here and Nick had no intention of leaving Vegas. He wanted Greg, but on his own terms, and he was asking for something Greg couldn't afford to give.
When he got to the stack of CDs Nick had bought to replace the ones that had melted in the lab his lips twitched into an involuntary smile -- it was impossible not to picture Nick standing in the door to his bedroom looking nervous and hopeful, a little confused but determined too, like he knew what he wanted and he wasn't planning to take no for an answer. And he hadn't, at least not until Greg hung up on him.
Before he could stop himself he was reaching for the phone, telling himself it was too late even as he dialed Nick's number. He expected to get the machine -- part of him wanted to get the machine, so he could leave a message telling Nick he was sorry but it was probably for the best if they just called it off now. That was the smartest thing to do, because he wasn't going back to Vegas and Nick wasn't going to let the subject drop.
He rehearsed his speech in his head while he listened to the phone ring, and when the machine did pick up he told himself he wasn't disappointed. It was better this way, because now he wouldn't have to hear Nick agree that they should quit while they were ahead. He steeled himself for the beep, but before Nick's recorded voice got to the part about leaving a name and number the line crackled, and a second later a sleepy voice murmured 'hello?' in his ear.
"Nick."
A second of silence, then Nick's throat cleared and he heard the rustle of sheets and God, Greg could just picture him stretched out on his mattress. "Greg?"
"Yeah. Sorry. For waking you up. I mean, I'm sorry for hanging up on you -- that's why I called, but I thought you'd be at work."
"So you called to apologize to my machine?" He sounded more awake now, but Greg couldn't tell if he was still mad or just tired.
"I guess. I didn't really plan it out first."
Nick laughed at that, and when Greg heard him moving again he couldn't help picturing it. He bit back a groan and closed his eyes, but all that did was make Nick's voice sound even more like it was right in his ear. "I figured I blew it for good. I didn't expect to hear from you."
And he was so stupid, because he'd had the perfect out and he'd screwed it up. All he'd had to do was not call, just forget about Nick and move on with his life, and Nick would have done the same. It would have been so easy, but then he never would have gotten to hear Nick's voice, still thick with sleep and whispering right in his ear. He hated himself for being so weak, but he closed his eyes again anyway and leaned back on the couch to picture Nick on the other end of the line.
"Look, I just...I need to know what you want from me."
Nick sighed heavily and Greg tensed -- he knew what was coming before Nick said it, but he'd asked and he couldn't take it back. "I want you to come home."
"I am home," Greg answered, and there was a part of him that actually meant it.
"You know what I mean," Nick said, and this wasn't fair, because his voice was low and thick and Greg wanted to ask what he was wearing just so he could hear Nick say 'nothing'. "We've got a shot at something here. The timing sucks, yeah, but that doesn't mean we can't still try."
"It was one weekend. It doesn't change anything." He didn't believe that any more than Nick did -- they'd both been there, and they both knew how much had changed in one weekend -- but he almost wished it was true. At least then it would be easier to walk away.
"You know that's not true. Even if it was just the weekend it changes things."
He wanted to tell Nick that it was just sex, because even though it would be a lie it would still sting. But just the fact that he knew exactly how to hurt Nick stopped him from saying it; he had no idea when he'd gotten this weak or this sentimental, just like he didn't know when he'd fallen in love with Nick or what to do about it. "So what do we do now?"
"Come to Vegas," Nick said, talking fast so Greg wouldn't have a chance to interrupt, "just for a visit. We need...we should do this face to face."
It had barely been two weeks since the last time they saw each other, but Greg knew exactly what Nick meant. He hadn't been able to think about anything else since the moment Nick got out of his car, but he knew exactly what would happen if he went back to Vegas. Nick would spend the entire time trying to convince Greg of why he should move back, and Greg would spend the whole time feeling completely off-balance. "I can't."
He expected an argument, but instead Nick just sighed and tried again. "I'll come there, then. I've got a couple vacation days left, and I can get Warrick or somebody to switch shifts with me."
And this was a bad idea, because one weekend had changed things, but another one wasn't going to make any difference. All it would do was make it harder to finally call it off when they figured out it wasn't working, and that had to happen eventually. Vegas wasn't that far from L.A., but it might as well be in an ocean away while they were trying to work out a relationship.
"I'm not going to change my mind," he said, even though he knew Nick wasn't going to stop trying.
"I know," Nick answered. "I just need to see you."
He knew he was going to regret it before he agreed, but when he opened his mouth the words tumbled out, yes and okay and he had to bite back a desperate hurry. He wanted Nick there now, wanted the waiting to be over with so he could lose himself in feeling for awhile and not have to think about what happened when Nick went back to Vegas.
It took Greg a few hours to start feeling guilty, but by the time he started to regret hanging up on Nick it seemed like it was too late to call him back. The truth was that Nick had been right -- Greg was embarrassed about the way he left, and he'd spent a lot of time feeling sorry for himself in the past few months. Those weren't the biggest reasons he didn't want to go back to Las Vegas, but they were close enough to the truth to sting.
Not that he was entirely at fault. Nick just wouldn't let the Vegas thing go, and even though part of Greg was flattered, he was getting a little tired of hearing about it. He didn't want to call Grissom and ask for his job back; he liked California, and anyway he was making more money at his new job than he had been at the crime lab. He'd told Grissom once that it wasn't about the money and he still believed it, but he wasn't sure he could make Nick understand what it was about.
Maybe Nick was right and he was just letting his pride get in the way of his happiness, but it wasn't like he was miserable in L.A. He liked his job, he liked his friends and it was kind of nice to be close to his parents again. His new apartment wasn't much to look at, but it wasn't that different from his place in Vegas, and besides it wasn't like he was planning to spend a lot of time there. All California was really missing was Nick, but he had a feeling he'd screwed that up anyway.
It wasn't that hard not to think about it while he was busy repacking the few things he'd bothered to unpack in the first place. Getting his keys and moving his things from his parents' place to the apartment took up most of his free time for almost a week, but when he found himself alone in an apartment surrounded by boxes it was hard to stop himself from thinking. There wasn't much else to do, really, because unpacking all the stuff he hadn't seen since Vegas just reminded him of exactly what he'd left behind.
Everything reminded him of the lab -- his textbooks, the coffee mug he'd kept on his lab station for as long as he could remember, even that stupid surfboard keychain he'd fished out of his drawer the day he'd packed up the last of his stuff. He pushed the memory of the lab to the back of his mind and tried to focus on the future, on everything he could do now that he was back in California. His hands had stopped shaking so much, and with any luck he'd be ready to get back out on the waves by next season. Steve had made him promise he'd drag his surfboard out of his parents' basement, and now it was leaning against the wall in his new living room, just waiting for Greg to pull himself together.
There was a lot to look forward to, and nothing that he'd left behind couldn't be replaced or forgotten eventually. He wasn't missing anything -- not even Nick, because sure, Greg had wanted him for a long time, but it wasn't like they were committed or anything. Even if they were it wouldn't matter, because he was here and Nick had no intention of leaving Vegas. He wanted Greg, but on his own terms, and he was asking for something Greg couldn't afford to give.
When he got to the stack of CDs Nick had bought to replace the ones that had melted in the lab his lips twitched into an involuntary smile -- it was impossible not to picture Nick standing in the door to his bedroom looking nervous and hopeful, a little confused but determined too, like he knew what he wanted and he wasn't planning to take no for an answer. And he hadn't, at least not until Greg hung up on him.
Before he could stop himself he was reaching for the phone, telling himself it was too late even as he dialed Nick's number. He expected to get the machine -- part of him wanted to get the machine, so he could leave a message telling Nick he was sorry but it was probably for the best if they just called it off now. That was the smartest thing to do, because he wasn't going back to Vegas and Nick wasn't going to let the subject drop.
He rehearsed his speech in his head while he listened to the phone ring, and when the machine did pick up he told himself he wasn't disappointed. It was better this way, because now he wouldn't have to hear Nick agree that they should quit while they were ahead. He steeled himself for the beep, but before Nick's recorded voice got to the part about leaving a name and number the line crackled, and a second later a sleepy voice murmured 'hello?' in his ear.
"Nick."
A second of silence, then Nick's throat cleared and he heard the rustle of sheets and God, Greg could just picture him stretched out on his mattress. "Greg?"
"Yeah. Sorry. For waking you up. I mean, I'm sorry for hanging up on you -- that's why I called, but I thought you'd be at work."
"So you called to apologize to my machine?" He sounded more awake now, but Greg couldn't tell if he was still mad or just tired.
"I guess. I didn't really plan it out first."
Nick laughed at that, and when Greg heard him moving again he couldn't help picturing it. He bit back a groan and closed his eyes, but all that did was make Nick's voice sound even more like it was right in his ear. "I figured I blew it for good. I didn't expect to hear from you."
And he was so stupid, because he'd had the perfect out and he'd screwed it up. All he'd had to do was not call, just forget about Nick and move on with his life, and Nick would have done the same. It would have been so easy, but then he never would have gotten to hear Nick's voice, still thick with sleep and whispering right in his ear. He hated himself for being so weak, but he closed his eyes again anyway and leaned back on the couch to picture Nick on the other end of the line.
"Look, I just...I need to know what you want from me."
Nick sighed heavily and Greg tensed -- he knew what was coming before Nick said it, but he'd asked and he couldn't take it back. "I want you to come home."
"I am home," Greg answered, and there was a part of him that actually meant it.
"You know what I mean," Nick said, and this wasn't fair, because his voice was low and thick and Greg wanted to ask what he was wearing just so he could hear Nick say 'nothing'. "We've got a shot at something here. The timing sucks, yeah, but that doesn't mean we can't still try."
"It was one weekend. It doesn't change anything." He didn't believe that any more than Nick did -- they'd both been there, and they both knew how much had changed in one weekend -- but he almost wished it was true. At least then it would be easier to walk away.
"You know that's not true. Even if it was just the weekend it changes things."
He wanted to tell Nick that it was just sex, because even though it would be a lie it would still sting. But just the fact that he knew exactly how to hurt Nick stopped him from saying it; he had no idea when he'd gotten this weak or this sentimental, just like he didn't know when he'd fallen in love with Nick or what to do about it. "So what do we do now?"
"Come to Vegas," Nick said, talking fast so Greg wouldn't have a chance to interrupt, "just for a visit. We need...we should do this face to face."
It had barely been two weeks since the last time they saw each other, but Greg knew exactly what Nick meant. He hadn't been able to think about anything else since the moment Nick got out of his car, but he knew exactly what would happen if he went back to Vegas. Nick would spend the entire time trying to convince Greg of why he should move back, and Greg would spend the whole time feeling completely off-balance. "I can't."
He expected an argument, but instead Nick just sighed and tried again. "I'll come there, then. I've got a couple vacation days left, and I can get Warrick or somebody to switch shifts with me."
And this was a bad idea, because one weekend had changed things, but another one wasn't going to make any difference. All it would do was make it harder to finally call it off when they figured out it wasn't working, and that had to happen eventually. Vegas wasn't that far from L.A., but it might as well be in an ocean away while they were trying to work out a relationship.
"I'm not going to change my mind," he said, even though he knew Nick wasn't going to stop trying.
"I know," Nick answered. "I just need to see you."
He knew he was going to regret it before he agreed, but when he opened his mouth the words tumbled out, yes and okay and he had to bite back a desperate hurry. He wanted Nick there now, wanted the waiting to be over with so he could lose himself in feeling for awhile and not have to think about what happened when Nick went back to Vegas.