Fic: Butterfly Effect 34/? (BWOC, Tommy/Merton, NC17)
I'm not really here, but I have a miserable toothache, the dentist can't fit me in for a week, and today just sucks in general. So I distracted myself by writing some fic. At least it's one of the projects I swore I'd finish.
Chapter Thirty-Four - Desperate Measures
The one thing about not having any responsibility was that it left Tommy with a lot of time on his hands. Before he got demoted from squadron leader and then captain of the team, he'd been so busy worrying about keeping everyone in line and making sure the guys were up on the latest plays that he hadn't had time to worry about details. Now that he didn't have to worry about that stuff anymore, he found himself focusing on other things.
Things like Merton's hair, and Tommy wasn't sure how he could have missed that Merton was a natural blond. It had taken awhile, but Merton's hair was finally starting to grow in from the buzz cut they'd given him at the beginning of the semester. And granted, it had been a pretty extreme buzz even for the Academy, but that was what you got for putting up a fight in the barber chair. So it had taken Merton's hair longer than usual to start growing back in, but now that it was long enough Tommy could see the dirty blond roots peeking out from under black tips. The effect was kind of weird, but it looked sort of intentional, like Merton was one of those club kids Tommy had never actually met, but had seen on MTV when he was home for breaks.
Then again, Merton probably was one of those club kids, and if they'd met anywhere else he probably wouldn't have even noticed Tommy. Tommy would never fit into Merton's world; the only thing they really had in common was the fact that the rest of their squad treated them both like they were diseased. He wouldn't fit into the club scene in New York, and Merton definitely wouldn't fit in at The Citadel. But it turned out that Tommy didn't really belong at The Citadel either, and now that he knew what was different about him, he wasn't sure he could spend another four years pretending.
But he didn't like to think about it; there was nothing he could do about it, after all, so instead of worrying about the future he turned his attention back to Merton's hair. It was softer than it looked, and when he reached out to run a hand through it Merton shivered under his touch. "How come you dye your hair?"
Merton shrugged and looked up from his history book, leaning back into Tommy's touch. "At first I did it to annoy my father, but it turned out pretty well so I just kept doing it."
"Did you ever think about letting it grow out?"
"No," Merton answered, and when he reached up to pull Tommy's hand away from his hair Tommy couldn't help being disappointed. "I don't make a very good blond. I know it looks stupid now."
"No," Tommy said, and he had to stop himself from touching again. "I like it. I mean, it looks kind of cool now that it's growing out."
"It'll look a lot better in a few months," Merton said, but he looked sort of pleased with the compliment. "Once I'm back in New York..."
He trailed off, and when he looked at Tommy it was obvious what he was thinking. When he was back in New York Tommy wouldn't be part of his life anymore; The Citadel was a long way from New York City, and it might as well be on the moon for all their lives had in common. They could make a bunch of empty promises about staying in touch, and they might even mean it for awhile. But college would take up all their time, and Tommy knew he'd be lucky to have time for a phone call home once a week at The Citadel. His parents wouldn't miss him if he used his call to talk to Merton, but there was only so much he could say and anyway, Merton would probably forget about him as soon as he got back to his friends.
And it sucked, because they'd barely even done anything and already their days together were numbered. Sure, if they were careful they still had six months, but six months of sneaking around and being scared to touch each other wasn't even close to what Tommy wanted. What he wanted...what he really wanted more than anything was to not worry about what other people thought, to kiss Merton without having to worry about who might walk in and to reach out and touch without having to weigh the consequences. He'd spent his entire life weighing consequences, and he was tired of it. He wanted to be more like Merton - wanted to not care what anyone thought of him - but not caring would get them both thrown out of school, and then he'd never see Merton again.
"What's it like, living in New York?" Tommy asked. He wasn't sure he really wanted to hear about what Merton's life would be like without him, but he was going to imagine it anyway, so he might as well know at least part of the truth.
"It's great," Merton answered, and Tommy's heart sank at the way his eyes lit up. "There's always something going on; shows, clubs, whatever. My friend Lori drags me to stuff all the time. You should come visit, she'll drag you out too."
"Really?" Tommy said, and he didn't realize how surprised he sounded until Merton grinned at him.
"Sure. You should come up this summer, before they ship you off to that glorified boot camp of yours."
"Your dad wouldn't mind?"
"He won't even notice," Merton answered, familiar bitterness creeping into his voice for just a second before he shook it off. "Anyway, we'd have a lot more privacy there than we do here."
Just the thought of being alone with Merton -- really alone, with no chance of interruption -- made Tommy's face flush. But he knew his own father would never go for it, especially not after the way Tommy had messed up this year. As soon as he thought it he shook his head, and just like that Merton's smile faded. "Let me guess. Your father would definitely notice if you disappeared."
"Before I even got off the base."
Merton nodded and turned back to his history book, expression blank but Tommy could tell he was disappointed. "Forget it. It was a dumb idea anyway."
"Merton, I..." Tommy trailed off, unsure what he wanted to say. 'I'm sorry' seemed pretty lame, 'I want' would lead to all sorts of places he couldn't go without blushing, and it wasn't really the truth anyway. The truth was that he needed, things he couldn't put into words and things he was pretty sure Merton couldn't give him.
He reached out without thinking and grabbed Merton's hand, fingers locking together and when Merton looked up again Tommy knew he didn't have to say anything. Everything he was thinking was written all over Merton's face, and all Tommy had to do was lean forward and take. He was halfway there when a voice boomed down the hall, the sergeant bellowing for lights out and Tommy jumped and pulled his hand away. Merton was still looking at him when their door flew open, and Tommy felt the blush rising up his neck as they both stood at attention.
"Lights out in ten, cadets," the sergeant bellowed again without even glancing in the room. Tommy swallowed a relieved sigh as the sergeant moved down the hall, crossing the room slowly to grab his kit. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful for the interruption; if it had come a few minutes later who knew what would have happened, but part of Tommy really wanted to know.
~
Merton's hands shook a little as he squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush, and he willed his body not to betray him in front of the others. Most of the squad was already done getting ready for lights out, but there were still a few stragglers in the bathroom. Merton had stalled as long as he dared, mostly so he wouldn't have to be in the bathroom at the same time as Tommy. It was bad enough trying to control himself when they were alone, but if anyone else caught him looking at Tommy it would be all over. Right now most of them only half-believed the rumors, but if any of them had seen the way Tommy looked at him just now...
But he wasn't thinking about that, at least not until he was safely back in their room. Only that didn't really qualify as 'safe' anymore either, because Tommy was still there, and that was the whole problem. Merton lingered in the bathroom until the one minute warning, then he packed up his stuff and forced his legs to carry him back to their room. And he was pretty sure his father hadn't imagined this particular brand of torture when he'd exiled Merton to the middle of nowhere, but it was more effective than any other punishment he could have come up with.
Tommy was already in his bunk when Merton got back, and he told himself to be grateful. Because he wanted...a lot, but he couldn't have any of it, so it was just as well that he didn't get one last glimpse of Tommy before he turned off the light. He made his way to his own bunk in the moonlight, sliding between cool sheets and staring up at the mattress above him.
It sagged a little under Tommy's weight, and Merton didn't try to stop himself from picturing Tommy's solid form. He pictured firm biceps, muscles flexing effortlessly when Tommy reached for him. And Tommy's legs, sculpted and hard from running and football, and Merton could only imagine what they'd feel like wrapped around him. He'd never dated an athlete before -- if he could call this thing between them 'dating' -- but he understood the appeal now. He liked the way Tommy felt pressed up against him, and he even got a little charge out of the strength in Tommy's grip when he reached down to help Merton on the obstacle course. Liked the sound of his even breathing when Tommy was running next to him, and the feel of his breath on Merton's skin when Tommy was kissing him.
Thinking about Tommy wasn't helping him sleep, though, and if he let his imagination wander he was going to have a long, uncomfortable night ahead of him. Merton stifled a sigh and turned onto his side, staring into the darkness and willing himself not to think about his roommate. Which would be a lot easier if Tommy wasn't moving restlessly above him, sheets rustling with each movement until Merton couldn't help picturing it. He was trying to decide whether it was worse to suffer or tell Tommy to quit when the mattress shifted again, and then Tommy appeared over the edge of the bed.
"Merton?"
He thought about not answering. He could pretend he was asleep and eventually Tommy would give up; it was the safest thing to do, but it wasn't what he wanted. Instead he shifted onto his back again and looked up at Tommy, squinting in the low light to make out the other boy's features. "Yeah?"
"That guy in the picture..."
David, Merton thought, but he didn't say the name. He was pretty sure Tommy didn't want to hear it, and Merton didn't want to think about David right now anyway.
"Did you guys...I mean..."
"A few times," Merton answered, and now he was picturing it, but the truth was he didn't really miss David anymore. So he hadn't really been in love after all, and that was just one more thing Lori got to be right about. But Merton didn't really mind, especially when Tommy was still leaning over the edge of the bunk, blinking at him.
"I've never..."
Merton still hadn't gotten used to being the one who knew what he was doing, but there was a part of him that kind of liked it. At least with Tommy he didn't have to worry about who he was being compared to. And he didn't have a plan, but as soon as he sat up Tommy was sliding off his bunk to sit down next to him, and Merton knew there was only one way this could go. When he leaned forward Tommy met him halfway, and when Merton's hand landed on bare skin he forgot all about the reasons they shouldn't be doing this.
"How much time do we have?" he asked, whispering the words against Tommy's mouth.
"Half an hour before Sarge makes rounds again," Tommy answered, hands already pushing the sheet down until there was nothing between them but their sweatpants and Merton's t-shirt.
It was still a risk; Merton knew better than to assume Krauss and his friends would just leave them alone forever, and with his luck they'd pick tonight to show up. Apparently it was a risk he was willing to take, though, because his hands were sliding around Tommy's neck to drag him back down onto Merton's pillow. Before he could come to his senses they were stretched out on the mattress, legs tangled together and Tommy's hand gripping his hip so hard Merton was pretty sure he was never planning to let go.
And he wanted to take his time, but half an hour wasn't much and they'd already wasted some of it talking about Merton's ex-boyfriend. He wasn't planning to waste any more time, not when Tommy was hard and rocking against him and making noises in the back of his throat that made Merton's cock twitch. He was so needy, just the way Merton always felt when he did this with David, and now he knew that it had never been pathetic. It was hot, at least when it was Tommy murmuring incoherently and trying to get even closer without ever relinquishing Merton's lips.
A hand pushed under his shirt, sliding the fabric up his chest until they were skin to skin, and that felt really good. Amazing, and it made Merton wish they had time to pull off all their clothes and do this right. But that was out of the question, especially when anyone could walk in on them. So he settled for pushing his thigh between Tommy's legs, swallowing Tommy's moan when he rocked up against Merton. The hand on his hip tightened convulsively, and Tommy's other arm wrapped around him to draw him even closer.
Merton dragged his mouth away just long enough to look, to take in Tommy's closed eyes and the way his lips parted with each thrust. He'd never been brave enough to look before, so it was the first time he'd seen the effect he could have on another person. The fact that Tommy wanted him…he still couldn't believe it, and even if it was just the circumstances, Merton wasn't too proud to take it.
"Merton," Tommy murmured, eyes fluttering open and when Tommy looked at him Merton's heart skipped a beat. He leaned in and kissed Tommy again, hand in his hair to tilt his head just so. And if he could get Tommy to New York they could do this right, in the middle of his big bed instead of crammed together on a narrow bunk. If they were in his room at home he could take his time peeling Tommy's clothes off, touching every inch of perfect skin as he went.
But they weren't in New York, and chances were this was all they'd ever have. It wasn't perfect, but Tommy was here and for some crazy reason, he wanted Merton. That was just going to have to be enough.
He eased away from Tommy just enough to slide a hand between them. And he was still pretty nervous, but Tommy was watching him like he'd do pretty much anything Merton asked him to, so he swallowed his fear and pushed his hand past Tommy's waistband. When his hand closed around Tommy's cock Tommy groaned, biting down hard on his lip to quiet himself as Merton started to stroke.
Slowly Merton found a rhythm, hand moving in time to the thrust of Tommy's hips and he was pretty sure Tommy was enjoying himself. Merton wished he was brave enough to ask what Tommy liked, to ask what he did when he jerked himself off. Sometimes he wondered if Tommy jerked off; he'd always assumed everyone did, but there was no privacy here and really, if there was anyone who didn't, it would be Tommy.
So maybe he didn't, but that hadn't stopped Merton from picturing it. Whenever he imagined Tommy jerking off he saw those strong fingers wrapped around Tommy's cock, stroking hard until he was right on the edge before he backed off. Teasing himself over and over until finally he couldn't take it anymore, and Merton wished he had the time to play that fantasy out right now. But he knew better, so he didn't back up when Tommy's breathing got more erratic and the thrust of his hips got a little wilder.
Instead he tightened his grip and pressed his mouth to the side of Tommy's neck, feathering soft kisses along sweaty skin until finally Tommy moaned low in his throat and came. He collapsed back against the mattress, chest heaving and his eyes closed. And Merton wanted to wait until Tommy caught his breath, but his own dick ached and he couldn't help it; he had to touch.
His fingers were slick with Tommy's come when he reached inside his own sweatpants, pulling his cock out and stroking as slowly as he could stand. Tommy was still panting next to him as Merton bit his lip to stifle a moan, and when he glanced over he expected to find the other boy already half-asleep. Instead Tommy's eyes were open, following the progress of Merton's fingers up and down his cock.
"Can I…?" he asked, and Merton wanted to laugh because it was the dumbest question he'd ever heard. Instead he just nodded and let go, not quite swallowing a sigh when Tommy's larger hand closed around him. Tommy's grip was a little unsure at first, like he'd never done this at all, and Merton was really starting to think he hadn't. He didn't ask; instead he reached down and covered Tommy's hand with his own, helping him find the rhythm Merton liked best until he was thrusting up hard into their combined grips and coming.
When he finally recovered enough to open his eyes Tommy was still watching him, eyes a little wide like he wasn't sure exactly what had just happened. Merton didn't try to check his grin this time, and he reached up with one leaden arm to pull Tommy down for a kiss. Before he made contact there was a noise at the end of the hall, and they both tensed.
"Shit," Merton said as Tommy scrambled off the bed, swinging himself back up into his own bunk while Merton straightened his clothes and tugged the sheet back over himself. It felt like only seconds before their door opened, and Merton had to force himself not to open his eyes as a flashlight beam swept across the room. He was sure the sergeant would hear his heart beating, smell the scent of sex lingering in the air and know exactly what they'd been doing. But a few seconds later the door swung shut, and even then he was afraid to move. He was still frozen in place when Tommy swung back off his own bunk, leaning in to press one last kiss to Merton's lips.
"Goodnight," Tommy said, and before Merton could answer he was gone again. If they were back in Merton's room in New York Tommy would still be next to him, and they'd wake up in a sweaty heap of skin and limbs and do it all over again. But they weren't, and they probably never would be, so Merton was willing to take what he could get.
Chapter Thirty-Four - Desperate Measures
The one thing about not having any responsibility was that it left Tommy with a lot of time on his hands. Before he got demoted from squadron leader and then captain of the team, he'd been so busy worrying about keeping everyone in line and making sure the guys were up on the latest plays that he hadn't had time to worry about details. Now that he didn't have to worry about that stuff anymore, he found himself focusing on other things.
Things like Merton's hair, and Tommy wasn't sure how he could have missed that Merton was a natural blond. It had taken awhile, but Merton's hair was finally starting to grow in from the buzz cut they'd given him at the beginning of the semester. And granted, it had been a pretty extreme buzz even for the Academy, but that was what you got for putting up a fight in the barber chair. So it had taken Merton's hair longer than usual to start growing back in, but now that it was long enough Tommy could see the dirty blond roots peeking out from under black tips. The effect was kind of weird, but it looked sort of intentional, like Merton was one of those club kids Tommy had never actually met, but had seen on MTV when he was home for breaks.
Then again, Merton probably was one of those club kids, and if they'd met anywhere else he probably wouldn't have even noticed Tommy. Tommy would never fit into Merton's world; the only thing they really had in common was the fact that the rest of their squad treated them both like they were diseased. He wouldn't fit into the club scene in New York, and Merton definitely wouldn't fit in at The Citadel. But it turned out that Tommy didn't really belong at The Citadel either, and now that he knew what was different about him, he wasn't sure he could spend another four years pretending.
But he didn't like to think about it; there was nothing he could do about it, after all, so instead of worrying about the future he turned his attention back to Merton's hair. It was softer than it looked, and when he reached out to run a hand through it Merton shivered under his touch. "How come you dye your hair?"
Merton shrugged and looked up from his history book, leaning back into Tommy's touch. "At first I did it to annoy my father, but it turned out pretty well so I just kept doing it."
"Did you ever think about letting it grow out?"
"No," Merton answered, and when he reached up to pull Tommy's hand away from his hair Tommy couldn't help being disappointed. "I don't make a very good blond. I know it looks stupid now."
"No," Tommy said, and he had to stop himself from touching again. "I like it. I mean, it looks kind of cool now that it's growing out."
"It'll look a lot better in a few months," Merton said, but he looked sort of pleased with the compliment. "Once I'm back in New York..."
He trailed off, and when he looked at Tommy it was obvious what he was thinking. When he was back in New York Tommy wouldn't be part of his life anymore; The Citadel was a long way from New York City, and it might as well be on the moon for all their lives had in common. They could make a bunch of empty promises about staying in touch, and they might even mean it for awhile. But college would take up all their time, and Tommy knew he'd be lucky to have time for a phone call home once a week at The Citadel. His parents wouldn't miss him if he used his call to talk to Merton, but there was only so much he could say and anyway, Merton would probably forget about him as soon as he got back to his friends.
And it sucked, because they'd barely even done anything and already their days together were numbered. Sure, if they were careful they still had six months, but six months of sneaking around and being scared to touch each other wasn't even close to what Tommy wanted. What he wanted...what he really wanted more than anything was to not worry about what other people thought, to kiss Merton without having to worry about who might walk in and to reach out and touch without having to weigh the consequences. He'd spent his entire life weighing consequences, and he was tired of it. He wanted to be more like Merton - wanted to not care what anyone thought of him - but not caring would get them both thrown out of school, and then he'd never see Merton again.
"What's it like, living in New York?" Tommy asked. He wasn't sure he really wanted to hear about what Merton's life would be like without him, but he was going to imagine it anyway, so he might as well know at least part of the truth.
"It's great," Merton answered, and Tommy's heart sank at the way his eyes lit up. "There's always something going on; shows, clubs, whatever. My friend Lori drags me to stuff all the time. You should come visit, she'll drag you out too."
"Really?" Tommy said, and he didn't realize how surprised he sounded until Merton grinned at him.
"Sure. You should come up this summer, before they ship you off to that glorified boot camp of yours."
"Your dad wouldn't mind?"
"He won't even notice," Merton answered, familiar bitterness creeping into his voice for just a second before he shook it off. "Anyway, we'd have a lot more privacy there than we do here."
Just the thought of being alone with Merton -- really alone, with no chance of interruption -- made Tommy's face flush. But he knew his own father would never go for it, especially not after the way Tommy had messed up this year. As soon as he thought it he shook his head, and just like that Merton's smile faded. "Let me guess. Your father would definitely notice if you disappeared."
"Before I even got off the base."
Merton nodded and turned back to his history book, expression blank but Tommy could tell he was disappointed. "Forget it. It was a dumb idea anyway."
"Merton, I..." Tommy trailed off, unsure what he wanted to say. 'I'm sorry' seemed pretty lame, 'I want' would lead to all sorts of places he couldn't go without blushing, and it wasn't really the truth anyway. The truth was that he needed, things he couldn't put into words and things he was pretty sure Merton couldn't give him.
He reached out without thinking and grabbed Merton's hand, fingers locking together and when Merton looked up again Tommy knew he didn't have to say anything. Everything he was thinking was written all over Merton's face, and all Tommy had to do was lean forward and take. He was halfway there when a voice boomed down the hall, the sergeant bellowing for lights out and Tommy jumped and pulled his hand away. Merton was still looking at him when their door flew open, and Tommy felt the blush rising up his neck as they both stood at attention.
"Lights out in ten, cadets," the sergeant bellowed again without even glancing in the room. Tommy swallowed a relieved sigh as the sergeant moved down the hall, crossing the room slowly to grab his kit. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful for the interruption; if it had come a few minutes later who knew what would have happened, but part of Tommy really wanted to know.
~
Merton's hands shook a little as he squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush, and he willed his body not to betray him in front of the others. Most of the squad was already done getting ready for lights out, but there were still a few stragglers in the bathroom. Merton had stalled as long as he dared, mostly so he wouldn't have to be in the bathroom at the same time as Tommy. It was bad enough trying to control himself when they were alone, but if anyone else caught him looking at Tommy it would be all over. Right now most of them only half-believed the rumors, but if any of them had seen the way Tommy looked at him just now...
But he wasn't thinking about that, at least not until he was safely back in their room. Only that didn't really qualify as 'safe' anymore either, because Tommy was still there, and that was the whole problem. Merton lingered in the bathroom until the one minute warning, then he packed up his stuff and forced his legs to carry him back to their room. And he was pretty sure his father hadn't imagined this particular brand of torture when he'd exiled Merton to the middle of nowhere, but it was more effective than any other punishment he could have come up with.
Tommy was already in his bunk when Merton got back, and he told himself to be grateful. Because he wanted...a lot, but he couldn't have any of it, so it was just as well that he didn't get one last glimpse of Tommy before he turned off the light. He made his way to his own bunk in the moonlight, sliding between cool sheets and staring up at the mattress above him.
It sagged a little under Tommy's weight, and Merton didn't try to stop himself from picturing Tommy's solid form. He pictured firm biceps, muscles flexing effortlessly when Tommy reached for him. And Tommy's legs, sculpted and hard from running and football, and Merton could only imagine what they'd feel like wrapped around him. He'd never dated an athlete before -- if he could call this thing between them 'dating' -- but he understood the appeal now. He liked the way Tommy felt pressed up against him, and he even got a little charge out of the strength in Tommy's grip when he reached down to help Merton on the obstacle course. Liked the sound of his even breathing when Tommy was running next to him, and the feel of his breath on Merton's skin when Tommy was kissing him.
Thinking about Tommy wasn't helping him sleep, though, and if he let his imagination wander he was going to have a long, uncomfortable night ahead of him. Merton stifled a sigh and turned onto his side, staring into the darkness and willing himself not to think about his roommate. Which would be a lot easier if Tommy wasn't moving restlessly above him, sheets rustling with each movement until Merton couldn't help picturing it. He was trying to decide whether it was worse to suffer or tell Tommy to quit when the mattress shifted again, and then Tommy appeared over the edge of the bed.
"Merton?"
He thought about not answering. He could pretend he was asleep and eventually Tommy would give up; it was the safest thing to do, but it wasn't what he wanted. Instead he shifted onto his back again and looked up at Tommy, squinting in the low light to make out the other boy's features. "Yeah?"
"That guy in the picture..."
David, Merton thought, but he didn't say the name. He was pretty sure Tommy didn't want to hear it, and Merton didn't want to think about David right now anyway.
"Did you guys...I mean..."
"A few times," Merton answered, and now he was picturing it, but the truth was he didn't really miss David anymore. So he hadn't really been in love after all, and that was just one more thing Lori got to be right about. But Merton didn't really mind, especially when Tommy was still leaning over the edge of the bunk, blinking at him.
"I've never..."
Merton still hadn't gotten used to being the one who knew what he was doing, but there was a part of him that kind of liked it. At least with Tommy he didn't have to worry about who he was being compared to. And he didn't have a plan, but as soon as he sat up Tommy was sliding off his bunk to sit down next to him, and Merton knew there was only one way this could go. When he leaned forward Tommy met him halfway, and when Merton's hand landed on bare skin he forgot all about the reasons they shouldn't be doing this.
"How much time do we have?" he asked, whispering the words against Tommy's mouth.
"Half an hour before Sarge makes rounds again," Tommy answered, hands already pushing the sheet down until there was nothing between them but their sweatpants and Merton's t-shirt.
It was still a risk; Merton knew better than to assume Krauss and his friends would just leave them alone forever, and with his luck they'd pick tonight to show up. Apparently it was a risk he was willing to take, though, because his hands were sliding around Tommy's neck to drag him back down onto Merton's pillow. Before he could come to his senses they were stretched out on the mattress, legs tangled together and Tommy's hand gripping his hip so hard Merton was pretty sure he was never planning to let go.
And he wanted to take his time, but half an hour wasn't much and they'd already wasted some of it talking about Merton's ex-boyfriend. He wasn't planning to waste any more time, not when Tommy was hard and rocking against him and making noises in the back of his throat that made Merton's cock twitch. He was so needy, just the way Merton always felt when he did this with David, and now he knew that it had never been pathetic. It was hot, at least when it was Tommy murmuring incoherently and trying to get even closer without ever relinquishing Merton's lips.
A hand pushed under his shirt, sliding the fabric up his chest until they were skin to skin, and that felt really good. Amazing, and it made Merton wish they had time to pull off all their clothes and do this right. But that was out of the question, especially when anyone could walk in on them. So he settled for pushing his thigh between Tommy's legs, swallowing Tommy's moan when he rocked up against Merton. The hand on his hip tightened convulsively, and Tommy's other arm wrapped around him to draw him even closer.
Merton dragged his mouth away just long enough to look, to take in Tommy's closed eyes and the way his lips parted with each thrust. He'd never been brave enough to look before, so it was the first time he'd seen the effect he could have on another person. The fact that Tommy wanted him…he still couldn't believe it, and even if it was just the circumstances, Merton wasn't too proud to take it.
"Merton," Tommy murmured, eyes fluttering open and when Tommy looked at him Merton's heart skipped a beat. He leaned in and kissed Tommy again, hand in his hair to tilt his head just so. And if he could get Tommy to New York they could do this right, in the middle of his big bed instead of crammed together on a narrow bunk. If they were in his room at home he could take his time peeling Tommy's clothes off, touching every inch of perfect skin as he went.
But they weren't in New York, and chances were this was all they'd ever have. It wasn't perfect, but Tommy was here and for some crazy reason, he wanted Merton. That was just going to have to be enough.
He eased away from Tommy just enough to slide a hand between them. And he was still pretty nervous, but Tommy was watching him like he'd do pretty much anything Merton asked him to, so he swallowed his fear and pushed his hand past Tommy's waistband. When his hand closed around Tommy's cock Tommy groaned, biting down hard on his lip to quiet himself as Merton started to stroke.
Slowly Merton found a rhythm, hand moving in time to the thrust of Tommy's hips and he was pretty sure Tommy was enjoying himself. Merton wished he was brave enough to ask what Tommy liked, to ask what he did when he jerked himself off. Sometimes he wondered if Tommy jerked off; he'd always assumed everyone did, but there was no privacy here and really, if there was anyone who didn't, it would be Tommy.
So maybe he didn't, but that hadn't stopped Merton from picturing it. Whenever he imagined Tommy jerking off he saw those strong fingers wrapped around Tommy's cock, stroking hard until he was right on the edge before he backed off. Teasing himself over and over until finally he couldn't take it anymore, and Merton wished he had the time to play that fantasy out right now. But he knew better, so he didn't back up when Tommy's breathing got more erratic and the thrust of his hips got a little wilder.
Instead he tightened his grip and pressed his mouth to the side of Tommy's neck, feathering soft kisses along sweaty skin until finally Tommy moaned low in his throat and came. He collapsed back against the mattress, chest heaving and his eyes closed. And Merton wanted to wait until Tommy caught his breath, but his own dick ached and he couldn't help it; he had to touch.
His fingers were slick with Tommy's come when he reached inside his own sweatpants, pulling his cock out and stroking as slowly as he could stand. Tommy was still panting next to him as Merton bit his lip to stifle a moan, and when he glanced over he expected to find the other boy already half-asleep. Instead Tommy's eyes were open, following the progress of Merton's fingers up and down his cock.
"Can I…?" he asked, and Merton wanted to laugh because it was the dumbest question he'd ever heard. Instead he just nodded and let go, not quite swallowing a sigh when Tommy's larger hand closed around him. Tommy's grip was a little unsure at first, like he'd never done this at all, and Merton was really starting to think he hadn't. He didn't ask; instead he reached down and covered Tommy's hand with his own, helping him find the rhythm Merton liked best until he was thrusting up hard into their combined grips and coming.
When he finally recovered enough to open his eyes Tommy was still watching him, eyes a little wide like he wasn't sure exactly what had just happened. Merton didn't try to check his grin this time, and he reached up with one leaden arm to pull Tommy down for a kiss. Before he made contact there was a noise at the end of the hall, and they both tensed.
"Shit," Merton said as Tommy scrambled off the bed, swinging himself back up into his own bunk while Merton straightened his clothes and tugged the sheet back over himself. It felt like only seconds before their door opened, and Merton had to force himself not to open his eyes as a flashlight beam swept across the room. He was sure the sergeant would hear his heart beating, smell the scent of sex lingering in the air and know exactly what they'd been doing. But a few seconds later the door swung shut, and even then he was afraid to move. He was still frozen in place when Tommy swung back off his own bunk, leaning in to press one last kiss to Merton's lips.
"Goodnight," Tommy said, and before Merton could answer he was gone again. If they were back in Merton's room in New York Tommy would still be next to him, and they'd wake up in a sweaty heap of skin and limbs and do it all over again. But they weren't, and they probably never would be, so Merton was willing to take what he could get.