Fic: Paper Lanterns (House Arrest, Matt/T.J., PG)
Title: Paper Lanterns
Fandom: House Arrest
Pairing: Matt/T.J.
Rating: PG
Summary: Grover watches.
I still remember the exact moment when I knew I wasn’t Matt’s best friend anymore. I still thought of him as my best friend; I called him that, anyway, because even though I was hanging out with Brooke all the time I couldn’t really think of her as my best friend. I mean she’s a girl, and my best friend’s not supposed to be a girl. My best friend’s supposed to be somebody I can just hang out with, play video games and eat junk food until we wanna puke and talk about girls. My best friend's not supposed to be somebody that makes my palms sweat.
I guess Matt didn’t see it that way, though, or he got sick of waiting for me to ditch Brooke long enough to remember that best friends were supposed to hang out sometimes. It all happened pretty gradually; at first we were all friends, we’d sit together at lunch and everybody treated us like movie stars or something because of the whole thing with our parents. It didn’t take long for everybody to go back to treating us like we weren’t even there, though, and after awhile it seemed like I saw less and less of Matt and T.J. around school.
At first I didn’t really notice, I guess; I was still having a hard time believing that Brooke Figler was really my girlfriend, and it didn’t leave me a lot of time to worry about what Matt was doing. We still saw them at lunch, but half the time they were laughing at jokes I didn’t get and it seemed like they barely even noticed we were there.
And yeah, okay, I was jealous. I mean Matt was supposed to be my best friend, and if it hadn’t been for my plan T.J. would still be threatening to kill us every day. Not that I thought they really owed me anything, but it still sucked to see my best friend spending all his time with somebody that used to hate us both.
For awhile I tried to tell myself everything would go back to normal eventually; T.J. would get sick of hanging out with a kid like Matt before long, or Matt would get over his weird fascination with T.J.’s house and all his video games and his big screen TV. That kind of stuff only went so far, right? And even if it didn't, there was no way they actually had anything in common. I mean sure, we were all in the same grade, but T.J. was a whole year older than us. Before long he’d get tired of having Matt tagging along everywhere he went, and then I’d get my best friend back.
The first time I got the feeling I wasn't getting Matt back was the day I showed up at his house without calling first. It was no big deal; he used to drop by my house all the time just to get away from his folks, but I hadn't seen him outside of school in a long time. His mom let me in and told me he was upstairs, so I went up and pushed open his bedroom door without bothering to knock. I'd done it a million times, and he'd never had a problem with it so I didn't think he'd care.
Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised to see T.J. sitting on his bed, and the fact that they were leaning over some video game manual together didn't really come as a big shock either. It seemed like all Matt ever talked about when I did see him was the games T.J. had and all the time they spent at his house playing them. The thing I wasn't expecting was how close they were sitting, with their arms pressed together and their foreheads practically touching as T.J. pointed out something in the book.
As soon as they saw me Matt put a little space between them, but I knew right then that I was missing something big. I wasn't sure what yet, but I had a feeling it meant everything was going to change between all of us. Right away Matt started talking about the video game, telling me all about the book T.J.'s mom had bought him because she felt guilty about being gone all the time for school. He was talking fast like he was nervous about something, though, and I barely heard what he was saying because I was too busy watching the way T.J. watched him while he talked.
After that I started watching them a lot more than I ever had before, but whenever Brooke asked me what was wrong I just told her nothing and pretended I wasn't wondering what was going on between my best friend and the guy that used to stuff us into lockers for fun. And that was the worst part - I knew T.J. wasn't that guy anymore, but part of me couldn't stop thinking of him as the school bully because I knew as soon as I did this thing with Matt would start to make sense.
And I didn't want it to make sense, because even though I still wouldn't admit it to myself I had a feeling there was something going on there that went way beyond just hanging out and playing video games. Maybe they didn't even know it yet; I never saw them touch, not more than their shoulders pressed together at lunch or maybe T.J.'s arm around Matt's shoulders when they were walking down the hall. I spent a lot of time watching them, though, and something about the way they looked at each other made me wonder.
It was kind of like the way I'd always looked at Brooke before she knew who I was, but different too. Like they were in on a secret together, and they didn't even have to say it out loud because they both already knew it without ever talking about it. I tried convincing myself that all that time they spent talking about video games really was just about video games, but as soon as I started to believe it T.J. would grin at Matt in this way I've never seen him look at anybody and I'd know I wasn't crazy after all.
Then there was the way they acted like nobody else was in the room half the time; sometimes when we were all at lunch together I wondered if they'd even notice if I got up and left, but I never tested the theory because I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. I kept hoping they'd snap out of it, that one of them would get sick of the other one or maybe just wake up one day and notice that they'd pretty much cut everybody else out of their lives. I spent the rest of the year waiting for it to happen, but it never did.
T.J.'s mom started working on her law degree, Matt's folks started talking about his mom legally adopting Matt and the twins, and my parents were getting along better than ever. Even Brooke's mom was still acting more or less like a grown-up, but T.J. and Matt just kept getting more and more wrapped up in…well, in each other, I guess.
For awhile it bothered me that Matt never told me he liked guys. I mean we'd been best friends forever, it seemed like the kind of thing he'd mention. But after I spent a couple weeks watching them I wasn't sure he'd even figured it out yet; the way he looked at T.J. was almost like a weird kind of hero worship, so maybe he still didn't know how he felt. Maybe T.J. didn't know yet either, but I wasn't dumb enough to think they wouldn't figure it out eventually.
By the time we got to the end of the year it was pretty obvious Matt was starting to figure it out. The weird thing was that I didn't think T.J. had clued in yet, even though it seemed like he should be the one to know first. He was older, anyway, and I always figured by the time you got to be sixteen you pretty much knew what - who - you wanted. Maybe I was wrong; maybe it was different for everybody, but it wasn't exactly the kind of thing I could ask my folks about. Not without answering some embarrassing questions, and the last thing I wanted to do was have another sex talk with my mom. The one she gave me when Brooke and I started going out was bad enough, I didn't think I could live through the gay sex talk.
Anyway, I wasn't the one that was following T.J. around like he had the secret of life in his pocket. It would have been embarrassing to watch my best friend fall all over himself over some guy, except it was kind of…cute. In a totally girlie, romantic way that probably would have made Brooke go into total girl mode if she ever noticed, but it seemed like I was the only one that ever paid any attention to either of them.
By summer I had to face the fact that Matt wasn't my best friend anymore. I'd known for a long time that he didn't think of me that way, even if he still called me his best friend. But by the time school ended for the year I barely saw him anymore, and I was spending all my time with Brooke. And the weird thing was that she and I really did have a lot in common, so it didn't seem so strange to have a girl for a best friend anymore. She was still my girlfriend too, but it was nice to know Ihad somebody to hang out with now that Matt had a…well, now that Matt had T.J.
I knew when I first walked in on them in Matt's room that I wasn't his best friend anymore, but I wouldn't let myself believe it until I didn't have a choice. I didn't want to believe it, because for the first time it wasn't just me and Matt anymore. That day was the first time I felt like the outsider, and I didn't know what to do about it. I guess there was nothing I could do, though, because even if I hadn't started going out with Brooke, Matt still never would have looked at me the way he looks at T.J. Not that I really wanted him to, but it was hard to let some guy that used to hate us just replace me like I'd never even been there.
But I had a weird feeling that neither of them saw it that way, and I couldn't be mad at them if they didn't even know what they were doing. I figured one of them would catch on during the summer, but if they didn't then I was just going to have to get Matt alone and have a talk with him. Hell, I'd lock them in my basement if I had to; it worked for our parents, and they were both still my friends so it was the least I could do.
Fandom: House Arrest
Pairing: Matt/T.J.
Rating: PG
Summary: Grover watches.
I still remember the exact moment when I knew I wasn’t Matt’s best friend anymore. I still thought of him as my best friend; I called him that, anyway, because even though I was hanging out with Brooke all the time I couldn’t really think of her as my best friend. I mean she’s a girl, and my best friend’s not supposed to be a girl. My best friend’s supposed to be somebody I can just hang out with, play video games and eat junk food until we wanna puke and talk about girls. My best friend's not supposed to be somebody that makes my palms sweat.
I guess Matt didn’t see it that way, though, or he got sick of waiting for me to ditch Brooke long enough to remember that best friends were supposed to hang out sometimes. It all happened pretty gradually; at first we were all friends, we’d sit together at lunch and everybody treated us like movie stars or something because of the whole thing with our parents. It didn’t take long for everybody to go back to treating us like we weren’t even there, though, and after awhile it seemed like I saw less and less of Matt and T.J. around school.
At first I didn’t really notice, I guess; I was still having a hard time believing that Brooke Figler was really my girlfriend, and it didn’t leave me a lot of time to worry about what Matt was doing. We still saw them at lunch, but half the time they were laughing at jokes I didn’t get and it seemed like they barely even noticed we were there.
And yeah, okay, I was jealous. I mean Matt was supposed to be my best friend, and if it hadn’t been for my plan T.J. would still be threatening to kill us every day. Not that I thought they really owed me anything, but it still sucked to see my best friend spending all his time with somebody that used to hate us both.
For awhile I tried to tell myself everything would go back to normal eventually; T.J. would get sick of hanging out with a kid like Matt before long, or Matt would get over his weird fascination with T.J.’s house and all his video games and his big screen TV. That kind of stuff only went so far, right? And even if it didn't, there was no way they actually had anything in common. I mean sure, we were all in the same grade, but T.J. was a whole year older than us. Before long he’d get tired of having Matt tagging along everywhere he went, and then I’d get my best friend back.
The first time I got the feeling I wasn't getting Matt back was the day I showed up at his house without calling first. It was no big deal; he used to drop by my house all the time just to get away from his folks, but I hadn't seen him outside of school in a long time. His mom let me in and told me he was upstairs, so I went up and pushed open his bedroom door without bothering to knock. I'd done it a million times, and he'd never had a problem with it so I didn't think he'd care.
Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised to see T.J. sitting on his bed, and the fact that they were leaning over some video game manual together didn't really come as a big shock either. It seemed like all Matt ever talked about when I did see him was the games T.J. had and all the time they spent at his house playing them. The thing I wasn't expecting was how close they were sitting, with their arms pressed together and their foreheads practically touching as T.J. pointed out something in the book.
As soon as they saw me Matt put a little space between them, but I knew right then that I was missing something big. I wasn't sure what yet, but I had a feeling it meant everything was going to change between all of us. Right away Matt started talking about the video game, telling me all about the book T.J.'s mom had bought him because she felt guilty about being gone all the time for school. He was talking fast like he was nervous about something, though, and I barely heard what he was saying because I was too busy watching the way T.J. watched him while he talked.
After that I started watching them a lot more than I ever had before, but whenever Brooke asked me what was wrong I just told her nothing and pretended I wasn't wondering what was going on between my best friend and the guy that used to stuff us into lockers for fun. And that was the worst part - I knew T.J. wasn't that guy anymore, but part of me couldn't stop thinking of him as the school bully because I knew as soon as I did this thing with Matt would start to make sense.
And I didn't want it to make sense, because even though I still wouldn't admit it to myself I had a feeling there was something going on there that went way beyond just hanging out and playing video games. Maybe they didn't even know it yet; I never saw them touch, not more than their shoulders pressed together at lunch or maybe T.J.'s arm around Matt's shoulders when they were walking down the hall. I spent a lot of time watching them, though, and something about the way they looked at each other made me wonder.
It was kind of like the way I'd always looked at Brooke before she knew who I was, but different too. Like they were in on a secret together, and they didn't even have to say it out loud because they both already knew it without ever talking about it. I tried convincing myself that all that time they spent talking about video games really was just about video games, but as soon as I started to believe it T.J. would grin at Matt in this way I've never seen him look at anybody and I'd know I wasn't crazy after all.
Then there was the way they acted like nobody else was in the room half the time; sometimes when we were all at lunch together I wondered if they'd even notice if I got up and left, but I never tested the theory because I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. I kept hoping they'd snap out of it, that one of them would get sick of the other one or maybe just wake up one day and notice that they'd pretty much cut everybody else out of their lives. I spent the rest of the year waiting for it to happen, but it never did.
T.J.'s mom started working on her law degree, Matt's folks started talking about his mom legally adopting Matt and the twins, and my parents were getting along better than ever. Even Brooke's mom was still acting more or less like a grown-up, but T.J. and Matt just kept getting more and more wrapped up in…well, in each other, I guess.
For awhile it bothered me that Matt never told me he liked guys. I mean we'd been best friends forever, it seemed like the kind of thing he'd mention. But after I spent a couple weeks watching them I wasn't sure he'd even figured it out yet; the way he looked at T.J. was almost like a weird kind of hero worship, so maybe he still didn't know how he felt. Maybe T.J. didn't know yet either, but I wasn't dumb enough to think they wouldn't figure it out eventually.
By the time we got to the end of the year it was pretty obvious Matt was starting to figure it out. The weird thing was that I didn't think T.J. had clued in yet, even though it seemed like he should be the one to know first. He was older, anyway, and I always figured by the time you got to be sixteen you pretty much knew what - who - you wanted. Maybe I was wrong; maybe it was different for everybody, but it wasn't exactly the kind of thing I could ask my folks about. Not without answering some embarrassing questions, and the last thing I wanted to do was have another sex talk with my mom. The one she gave me when Brooke and I started going out was bad enough, I didn't think I could live through the gay sex talk.
Anyway, I wasn't the one that was following T.J. around like he had the secret of life in his pocket. It would have been embarrassing to watch my best friend fall all over himself over some guy, except it was kind of…cute. In a totally girlie, romantic way that probably would have made Brooke go into total girl mode if she ever noticed, but it seemed like I was the only one that ever paid any attention to either of them.
By summer I had to face the fact that Matt wasn't my best friend anymore. I'd known for a long time that he didn't think of me that way, even if he still called me his best friend. But by the time school ended for the year I barely saw him anymore, and I was spending all my time with Brooke. And the weird thing was that she and I really did have a lot in common, so it didn't seem so strange to have a girl for a best friend anymore. She was still my girlfriend too, but it was nice to know Ihad somebody to hang out with now that Matt had a…well, now that Matt had T.J.
I knew when I first walked in on them in Matt's room that I wasn't his best friend anymore, but I wouldn't let myself believe it until I didn't have a choice. I didn't want to believe it, because for the first time it wasn't just me and Matt anymore. That day was the first time I felt like the outsider, and I didn't know what to do about it. I guess there was nothing I could do, though, because even if I hadn't started going out with Brooke, Matt still never would have looked at me the way he looks at T.J. Not that I really wanted him to, but it was hard to let some guy that used to hate us just replace me like I'd never even been there.
But I had a weird feeling that neither of them saw it that way, and I couldn't be mad at them if they didn't even know what they were doing. I figured one of them would catch on during the summer, but if they didn't then I was just going to have to get Matt alone and have a talk with him. Hell, I'd lock them in my basement if I had to; it worked for our parents, and they were both still my friends so it was the least I could do.