Fic: Smalltown Boy (DMOC, Josh/Cooper, NC17)
Title: Smalltown Boy
Fandom: Dead Man On Campus
Pairing: Josh/Cooper
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. Josh goes to visit Cooper in Buffalo and learns a lot more than he bargained for about how Cooper grew up. Part five of the Senior Year series.
Josh ran a hand through damp hair, frowning down at the towel in his hand for a few seconds before he finally gave up and tossed it onto a pile of what he assumed was laundry. The fact that Cooper’s bathroom was a mess actually made him feel a little better, like his boyfriend at least had a few normal things in his life. So far he hadn’t really had a chance to be overwhelmed by Cooper’s house, but the sight of it when they first pulled up to it had made his stomach drop and he was pretty sure it was going to get worse before it got better.
He took a deep breath and let himself back into Cooper’s room, letting out a small sigh of relief when he found himself alone. Getting dressed in front of Cooper always made him self-conscious after they hadn’t seen each other for awhile, no matter how many times he told himself that it was no big deal. He hated being so nervous about every aspect of their relationship, but so far he hadn’t figured out a way to get himself over it. It all seemed so easy for Cooper, as though he didn’t even give it a second thought. Josh was never sure if that made him feel better or worse about his own nerves, so he tried not to dwell on it.
A glance around Cooper’s room let him know that the other boy had moved his bags from the hallway while he was in the shower, and he smiled in spite of his nervousness at the idea that Cooper could actually be thoughtful when he wanted to be. Once he’d pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a tee shirt he ran his hands through his hair again and swallowed a sudden rush of nerves, willing himself to calm down enough to go downstairs and find Cooper. There wasn’t even anyone else in the house, he had no reason to be nervous. And anyway even if he wanted to he couldn’t ignore his stomach anymore, so he had no choice but to go downstairs and at least get something to eat.
When he let himself out into the hallway he looked around for the first time, taking in the number of doors lining the hall on either side of the stairs. Cooper’s house was easily as big as Emily’s, probably even bigger. Josh swallowed hard and forced his legs to carry him to the stairs, gripping the railing a little harder than he needed to as he made his way downstairs. When he reached the foyer he glanced around, frowning as he tried to decide which direction would most likely lead him to Cooper. He called the other boy’s name but got no response, and it hit him for the first time that Cooper might have left to pick up lunch or something.
Okay, so he could handle being alone in a mansion for awhile. He wasn’t sure if people actually used that word anymore, but that was what it felt like and anyway there was no one around to hear him thinking even if he’d been talking out loud. Finally he decided to go right, stepping through a wide doorway and into what he guessed was supposed to be the living room. He’d never seen furniture quite like this in any living room he’d ever actually been in, though; Emily’s parents had a family room near the back of the house that was a lot more casual than their actual living room, but even their living room was decorated with deer heads and Walleye that Emily’s father had killed and had stuffed.
Their living room felt more like the foyer of a hunting lodge than a place to hang out and watch TV, but this room…this room felt as antiseptic and vacant as the hospital where his mother worked. Everything was white - the couches, the carpet, the walls, even the porcelain figures scattered around the room - except for a few tables that had been elaborately carved and stained almost black. Before he even realized what he was doing Josh wandered into the room, glancing down absently to make sure he hadn’t remembered to put shoes on before he headed downstairs.
The carpet felt thick and soft under his feet, as though it was new and hadn’t suffered the wear and tear of a family trampling over it until it was hopelessly flattened. The plush feeling seemed oddly out of place in the stark room, though, and he wrapped his arms around his chest as he made his way further into the room. It was amazing how clean everything felt; his own house was small even for just him and his mom, and it seemed like there was almost always some article of clothing tossed on the couch or a stack of magazines piled on the coffee table. He couldn’t remember his house ever feeling so much like a doctor’s office or some kind of waiting room, there were way too many pictures hanging at weird angles on the walls or gathering dust on every flat surface his house.
The only pictures in Cooper’s living room were in two oversized gold frames, set far back on a sideboard that lined almost half the far wall. He crossed the room to get a better look, assuming that at least one of them had to be some kind of family portrait. As he got closer he realized one of them was a picture of a woman who had to be Cooper’s mother. The resemblance was remarkable, in fact, except for the fact that Cooper’s mother’s hair was a shade of blonde that Josh was pretty sure only occurred naturally in kids under the age of six.
He turned his attention to the other picture, frowning as he realized that Cooper wasn’t in that one either. He found himself staring at Mrs. Frederickson again, her complexion washed out by a too-red dress. She was standing next to a man that looked older than her, his arm around her shoulders. Josh could only assume that was Cooper’s father, although he definitely got his looks from his mom’s side of the family. He glanced around the room again, shaking his head at the absence of any more family pictures. Maybe they kept stuff like that in the family room, he told himself as he made his way back across the thick carpet. It wasn’t like he knew anything about being rich, maybe they didn’t keep family stuff out where company would see it.
There had to be pictures from Cooper’s school around somewhere; when Josh brought home his senior pictures his mother had taken over the kitchen table for over a week organizing them and splitting them into piles to be mailed to various relatives he’d never heard of. He wasn’t positive, but he thought she might even have sent one to his dad. Cooper’s parents were still married and they were both living in the same house as him, they had to have some pictures of him somewhere.
He wandered back into the foyer, noting for the first time that there was a door just past the stairs. If the layout of the second floor was any indication that meant the door probably led to another entire wing, most likely housing the kitchen and whatever more family-oriented rooms they had. Josh took a deep breath to steady his nerves and pushed the door open, only to freeze when he heard something fall somewhere down the hall, followed by a muffled curse.
As soon as he heard the sound of Cooper’s voice he forgot about exploring the rest of the house, following the noise until he found himself in a kitchen that had to be bigger than the entire bottom floor of his house. He had no idea why anyone would need a kitchen the size of a small restaurant, and from the look on Cooper’s face he was having a little trouble figuring it out himself. He was standing in the center of the kitchen, turned slightly away from Josh as he surveyed the contents of the biggest fridge Josh had ever seen.
“Un-fucking-believable,” Cooper announced after a moment, straightening up and slamming the fridge shut. He caught sight of Josh out of the corner of his eye and turned to face him, his lips twitching in an involuntary grin even as he shook his head. “I don’t even know why we have a kitchen, we never have any food.”
“This room could double as a garage,” Josh said, taking a few steps toward Cooper as he glanced around at the expanses of white tile. “Or an apartment.”
“Yeah? You wanna move in? My folks probably wouldn’t even notice.”
“Somehow I doubt I could afford the rent.” Josh matched Cooper's grin with one of his own as the other boy leaned against the counter. He hadn't bothered to put his shirt back on, and somehow the sight of Cooper hanging out even in his own house with no shirt on seemed strange. He'd never really seen Cooper when he wasn't perfectly groomed, unless they were in bed and that was totally different. It was hard to imagine anyone feeling comfortable just hanging out in his house, though, even someone who'd spent his whole life there.
Cooper laughed and pushed himself off the counter, crossing the room to stop in front of Josh. "I bet I could think of some way for you to pay me back," he said, his arms sliding around Josh's waist as he backed them toward the entrance to the kitchen. "I ordered pizza. You wanna go watch TV or something until it gets here?"
"Or something." Josh's hands landed on Cooper's back, his fingers tracing lazy circles on warm skin as he let Cooper pull him down the hall. He didn't pay attention to where they were going, all he was thinking about was the warm body pressed against him. When they stopped he registered vaguely that his calves were pressing against a couch, then he was being pushed backwards and draped in Cooper again and he stopped thinking at all.
He settled a little further into the cushions as Cooper swung a leg over his hips, straddling his waist and leaning forward until their mouths were less than an inch apart. "I'm really, really glad you got on that plane," he whispered, sending a shiver down Josh's spine as warm breath hit his skin.
Josh didn't answer, instead he reached up and pressed his palm to the back of Cooper's neck to ease him forward. When their lips met he heard himself sigh, but he couldn't focus long enough to be embarrassed. The only thing he wanted to think about was Cooper's mouth moving against his and Cooper's hands working their way under his shirt to flatten against his chest. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten how amazing it felt just to kiss Cooper, how intense just the feeling of skin on skin could be. He thought he'd remembered everything; the way it felt to have Cooper inside him, the way they moved together and the way Cooper smelled of salt and expensive cologne.
Forgetting a single detail had been out of the question as far as he was concerned, but there was no way he would have been able to commit the intensity of his feelings to memory. He remembered every second he and Cooper spent together, but there was no way he could commit to memory the way his blood rushed or the way his pulse pounded against his ears when they were skin to skin. Love was one thing; he knew Cooper loved him and he knew how much he loved Cooper. At least he thought he knew how Cooper felt about him, at least he knew how Cooper thought he felt. This went beyond simple love, though - this was need, as basic and desperate as it got and he wasn't sure he could ever make it stop.
He didn't even know if he wanted to make it stop, because needing Cooper was the scariest, most intense, most fantastic feeling in the world. It felt like his skin was on fire, just under the surface where he couldn't see it but burning hot and letting him know for the first time in his life that he was alive. And yeah, maybe some of it was just hormones but there was no way he could feel this much for somebody just because of a physical attraction. If that was it they'd be tearing each other's clothes off by now, but this wasn't just lust. This was different than that first night in Cooper's hotel room, it was different even than half an hour ago upstairs in Cooper's bedroom.
The desperation in his kiss was gone, he wasn't whimpering and pleading with Cooper for just a little more, just enough to get him off because he was too hard and he'd been torturing himself about this for too long. This was getting reacquainted with slow, languid kisses, Cooper stretched out on top of him and cradled between Josh's legs. This was the reassuring weight of someone he loved and wanted and even trusted pressing him into the couch, and it didn't even matter that they were torturing themselves with long, lazy kisses and gentle touches that sought out remembered sensitive spots on necks and arms and shoulder blades.
By the time the doorbell rang Cooper was rocking minutely against him, their bodies moving in an almost perfect rhythm that made everything just intense enough for Josh to forget why the doorbell was ringing in the first place. He closed his eyes when Cooper pulled back, only to open them again when he felt his shirt sliding further up his chest. Maybe Cooper hadn't heard, maybe he was so lost in his lust-induced haze that he hadn't even heard the doorbell ring.
"Coop, somebody's at the…"
"I know," Cooper answered, leaning forward to press a reassuring kiss to Josh's lips before he pulled away again and tugged Josh into a sitting position long enough to pull his shirt over his head.
"What are you…?"
Cooper grinned and pulled the tee shirt over his own head, glancing down to make sure he'd gotten it on right side out before he pushed himself off Josh's lap and stood up. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair, visibly shaking off the last of the fog before he looked at Josh again. "Don't go anywhere."
Josh let out a frustrated breath and fell back against the cushions, running a hand self-consciously over his bare chest. He had to admit it was kind of cool to see Cooper in his clothes even if it was just an old tee shirt, but it felt weird to be hanging out in somebody else's house in just a pair of jeans and boxers. For the first time since they’d stumbled out of the kitchen together he looked around the room, smiling as he realized they were in that family room he’d been looking for. There was a big screen TV at one end of the room, surrounded by cabinets that Josh assumed held expensive stereo equipment. The furniture back here was a little more casual than the stark white in the front of the house, but despite the dark leather couch and chairs and the more casual atmosphere it still felt a little empty.
Maybe ‘empty’ wasn’t even the right word, but Josh couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was missing. He stood up and glanced around at the shelves lined with books and what he assumed were expensive dust collectors, but there wasn’t any trace of any family pictures at all. On one wall there was a locked case, and Josh wandered over and peered through the glass. His eyes widened as he realized the case held sports memorabilia, mostly signed baseball cards in little plastic cases. Cooper’s dad didn’t really seem like the type to get into that kind of thing, but maybe he thought of them as an investment.
He frowned as he turned back toward the center of the room and glanced around again, trying to decide if this really was the family room after all. There was the couch and a huge TV, but maybe this was some kind of space set aside for Cooper’s father to unwind. There was a bar on the wall opposite the TV, so maybe Cooper wasn’t even supposed to be in here. That didn’t explain the lack of family pictures in the house, though. Josh would have been embarrassed by the amount of pictures his mom had of him in their house if his friends’ parents hadn’t all been just as overzealous, but so far aside from Cooper’s bedroom he hadn’t seen any evidence at all that he even lived here.
So maybe Cooper really hadn’t been exaggerating when he said that to his parents he was just an afterthought, something Josh had been trying to tell himself just wasn’t possible. Sure, he knew there were lousy parents in the world, but it didn’t seem possible that Cooper could have grown up in this house and turned out the way he did. This seemed more like the home of one of those quiet, strange kids that snapped one day and opened fire in homeroom. The thought sent a shiver down Josh’s spine and he wrapped his arms around his chest, willing away the images his imagination insisted on supplying of Cooper’s unhappy childhood.
By the time Cooper came back with the pizza Josh had managed to totally depress himself, but he forced a smile as he watched the other boy walk back into the room and drop their lunch on the coffee table. “You want a beer?” Cooper asked, disappearing behind the bar and opening what Josh guessed was a fridge hidden under the counter.
“Won’t your father notice?” Josh asked as he watched Cooper set two bottles down on the bar.
“You’re kidding, right?” Cooper grinned and shook his head, twisting the caps off the beers before he crossed back to Josh. “My old man doesn’t notice anything. And if he did I doubt he’d care. Don’t worry about it.”
Josh took the bottle Cooper held out to him and followed him back to the couch, hoping Cooper would chalk up his mood to worrying about the beer and not the fact that Cooper’s house had sent him into a funk less than an hour after he got there. He settled on the leather couch next to Cooper and set his beer on the coffee table, contenting himself to watch the other boy as he reached for the pizza box and flipped the top open. Just looking at Cooper did strange things to Josh’s stomach, and he was struck for the first time since he’d gotten off the plane by the fact that they were actually together again.
He reached out without thinking and curled his fingers around Cooper’s cheek, his fingertips brushing the other boy’s hairline. Cooper leaned into the touch automatically, his entire body unconsciously inching a little closer to Josh. As soon as Cooper moved Josh moved with him, his fingers sinking a little deeper into soft hair as he watched Cooper’s eyes flutter closed.
“I can’t believe how much I love you,” he said, the words escaping his lips before he even realized he’d been thinking them. He was pretty sure it was the first time he’d ever said it first while they still had all - well, most - of their clothes on; usually Cooper was a lot better at vocalizing how he felt than Josh was. It wasn’t exactly the best way to say it, either, but it was exactly how he felt. It still took him by surprise when he caught himself thinking about Cooper and realized that his heart actually ached with the strength of his feelings. There was no way he could find the words to describe it, so he usually didn’t try. Sometimes it hurt so much to think about it that he had to do something, though, and he didn’t want to start crying in front of Cooper on his first day in Buffalo.
He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction to expect, but the smile that lit up Cooper’s eyes made it worth whatever embarrassment he felt at saying the words out loud. Josh mirrored Cooper’s grin unconsciously and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to the other boy’s lips. When he finally released Cooper again they were both breathing hard, and a shiver rolled through him as Cooper slid one hand down his bare chest.
“You’re not just trying to get me to give you your shirt back, are you?”
“No,” Josh answered, smiling self-consciously as he glanced down at his bare chest.
“Good.” Cooper grinned and leaned forward again, pressing his mouth to the soft skin just below Josh’s ear. “Because I kind of like you like this.” The last part was whispered against his skin, and Josh’s temperature inched up a degree or two despite the chill from the air conditioning. Then Cooper pulled away and picked up his beer, leaving Josh feeling suddenly cold again. He swallowed a sigh and turned back to the coffee table, his stomach reminding him of how hungry he really was as soon as the scent of tomato sauce and cheese hit him.
Cooper reached for the remote and suddenly the room was filled with the noise of some sporting event, and Josh glanced up from his pizza long enough to note that there was some kind of swim meet on the big screen. He raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Cooper, a low chuckle escaping his throat at the rapt expression on the other boy’s face. “Swimming?”
“Well you’ve gotta admit, those guys are pretty hot,” Cooper said, smirking as he glanced over at Josh.
“I never really thought about it,” Josh admitted. “But yeah, I guess you’ve got a point. Of course they have to shave to get that look, and there’s nothing in the world worth enough to get me to shave my legs.”
“Nothing?”
He could practically see the wheels in Cooper’s head turning, and he didn’t even want to imagine the possible scenarios Cooper was coming up with to see if he could talk Josh into shaving. “Forget it, Coop. Not even for you. No matter how much you pout.”
Cooper laughed and picked up the remote again, flipping idly through the channels without really paying attention to them. “That’s okay, I kinda like your legs. In fact I’ve been thinking about you wrapping them around me for awhile now. So hurry up and eat.”
Somehow Josh managed not to choke on the mouthful of beer he’d been in the process of swallowing, his eyes watering as he forced the liquid down his throat. The image alone was enough to make him want to abandon lunch no matter how hungry he was, but coupled with Cooper’s voice it was almost impossible to resist pushing the other boy down on the couch and doing exactly what Cooper had suggested. He really wanted to go back upstairs to Cooper’s bed where they’d have plenty of room to stretch out, though, and he didn’t want to have to get back out of bed any time soon.
Besides, the anticipation was almost as exciting as actually being able to just reach out and touch Cooper any time he wanted to, so he forced himself to relax and watch the images on the TV scroll past. “So who’s the baseball fan?” he asked as Cooper flipped past ESPN for the second time, completely ignoring the Yankees game that was on.
Cooper’s gaze strayed unconsciously toward the cabinet at the edge of the room, and just for a second Josh thought he saw a hint of sadness in the other boy’s eyes. A second later it was gone, though, and he told himself he’d just imagined it. “That’s my old man’s shrine to the glory days,” Cooper answered, gesturing toward the cabinet with his beer bottle. “Whatever you do, don’t bring up baseball around Pop. Not unless you want a two-hour lecture on everything that’s wrong with the game today and a history lesson on how great it used to be. That’s all the Yankees stuff his old man collected back when he used to take my dad and his brother to the games.”
Josh wanted to ask why Cooper’s father never took him to games, but he had a feeling that might be the reason baseball seemed like a sore subject for Cooper. The only thing Josh had of his father’s was some old pictures from when he was a baby, and a bowling trophy his mother had missed when she got rid of his father’s things. He knew it was pathetic to keep it tucked away in his closet, especially when he hadn’t spoken to his father in years. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it, and he thought he understood why Cooper resented his father’s baseball card collection so much.
He fell silent again, stealing glances at Cooper’s profile as the other boy stared at the TV. Josh couldn’t be sure, but he had a feeling Cooper wasn’t even seeing the cartoon he’d finally stopped on. His eyes had taken on that far-away look that usually made Josh worry that Cooper was reconsidering their relationship. He knew it wasn’t about him this time, but he couldn’t help feeling responsible for bringing up Cooper’s father in the first place. Anything he came up with to distract Cooper from thinking about his dad just sounded lame, though, so he just let Cooper brood in silence.
When he looked up again he expected to find Cooper still lost in thought, so he was shocked to find the other boy staring back at him. He grinned self-consciously and tried to shake off the shock, heat creeping into his cheeks as he forced himself to hold Cooper’s gaze.
“Do you think you’ll miss it?”
“Miss what?” Josh asked, his forehead furrowed as he wondered where Cooper’s mind had wandered in the few minutes that had passed in silence.
“Home. I mean not now, but when you go away to college. Do you think you’re gonna miss it?”
It was hard to imagine missing Sandborn; even before the events of the past few months Josh couldn’t wait to get out of Indiana, if for no other reason than because he could finally be himself without feeling like a complete freak. At least that’s what he’d thought before he met Cooper, but now he wasn’t sure he’d ever stop feeling like he didn’t belong anywhere. Finally he shrugged and looked down at the couch cushions, part of him embarrassed to admit that he would miss it a little.
“I’ll miss my mom. Although lately I think I cause her more problems than she deserves. I’ll miss the start of spring, when the crops are just coming up and it rains pretty much every night. I’ll miss the smell of the fields right after a storm. I’ll miss driving Mr. Larson’s pick-up down the stretch of dirt road between the barn and his hay field. It sounds stupid, I know.”
Cooper was grinning, but he wasn’t laughing when Josh looked up again. “Actually it sounds like a pretty cool place to grow up,” Cooper said. “You don’t get much of that wholesome, sitcom stuff around here. At least not in my family. Nick’s parents are about as close as we get.”
“It’s a great place to grow up until they figure out you’re not like the rest of them, anyway,” Josh said, his smile fading as he watched Cooper’s expression turn serious. “I mean parts of it are great, when I was a kid I could pretty much go wherever and my mom didn’t have to worry about me getting killed or kidnapped or anything. Until the other kids started painting ‘fag’ on my locker and treating me like I was contagious it was okay. This summer I doubt even Mr. Larson would have let me work for him, and I’ve been working on his farm every summer for seven years.”
“So do you think you’ll go back?”
“What, like to visit? I guess it’ll depend on how hard it is on my mom the first time I show up again. She’ll say she wants me around no matter what the people in town think, but she’s the one that has to live there, you know? I’ve already messed things up enough back home. And anyway it’s not like anybody else there will want to see me. Emily, but she’ll be in college in a year anyway.”
“What about after college?”
Josh frowned at the nervous edge in the other boy’s voice, but he swallowed the urge to ask why Cooper was suddenly so concerned about his future. “I’m not planning to go back to Sandborn, if that’s what you mean. It’s not like I’d exactly get a warm welcome. Anyway that’s a long way off, I’ve got four years of undergrad and then medical school to think about before I decide where I’m going to live.”
He didn’t have to ask where Cooper would be when Josh was finished with school; it was a pretty safe bet that he’d still be in Buffalo, most likely following in his father’s footsteps. He knew that wasn’t what Cooper wanted, but the longer they knew each other the less Cooper seemed to have a choice about his future. Part of him wanted to remind Cooper of their promise, to tell him that Josh would be wherever he was because he’d meant it when he said forever. There was no way he’d be able to say that out loud, though, especially when he knew how quickly life could change.
Cooper cleared his throat and shifted on the couch, draining the last of his beer before he stood up. “You want anything?” he asked, not quite meeting Josh’s gaze as he gestured with his empty bottle toward the bar.
Josh shook his head and sat up a little, reaching out and catching Cooper’s hand in his. Cooper looked down sharply, but as soon as their eyes met the tension melted out of him. It was weird to see him visibly relax just from a single touch, but Josh found himself standing up and reaching to pull the bottle out of Cooper’s hand. He knew he could make Cooper laugh by saying something cheesy like ‘I want you’ or even ‘I want to go back upstairs’, but somehow making a joke out of it didn’t feel right. So he didn’t say anything, he just set the bottle down on the coffee table and reached for Cooper again, leaning forward to press his lips to the corner of the other boy’s mouth.
Cooper responded instantly, his hands in Josh’s hair to hold him still while he forced his lips open. The intensity of the kiss took Josh by surprise, but he let Cooper take the lead and wrapped his arms around the other boy’s waist to keep his balance. When he felt Cooper start to move him backwards again he tore his mouth away, gasping and trying to focus through the fog settling in his brain. “Upstairs,” he managed to choke out. “We need…”
“Yeah,” Cooper interrupted, nodding his agreement as he slowly released his grip on Josh’s hair. “Yeah, okay.”
Josh swallowed the urge to pull Cooper into his arms and just hold him until the image of Cooper looking so confused and vulnerable finally went away, but he couldn’t do it without explaining and he didn’t think he’d be able to tell Cooper what he was thinking. Even if he wanted to he knew he’d never find the words, so instead he let Cooper take his hand and drag him toward the front of the house.
By the time they made it back to Cooper’s bedroom they were almost out of their clothes, leaving a trail from the bottom of the stairs to Cooper’s door. He didn’t have time to feel self-conscious about having his jeans practically torn off him in the middle of the staircase, though, because he was too busy trying to figure out how to get Cooper out of his pants without breaking their kiss. He felt his boxers being pushed down his hips as they stumbled toward the bed, and he stopped long enough to kick them off before he let Cooper push him backwards onto the mattress.
He pushed the tangled mess of sheet and comforter out of the way, smiling at the image of Cooper waking up with his sheet wrapped around him. When he glanced up again the other boy was busy digging through a drawer in his nightstand, a deep frown marring his features. “Fuck,” he muttered, slamming the door shut and glancing over at Josh. “Bathroom maybe. Stay right there.”
Josh didn’t bother to point out that he wasn’t really dressed to go anywhere while Cooper hunted for the lube he’d misplaced. “Front pocket of my backpack,” he said, grinning at the other boy’s surprised expression. “Hurry up.”
Cooper laughed but did as he was told, crossing the room in three long strides and reaching for Josh’s backpack. Once he’d found what he was looking for he crossed back to the bed, kneeling between Josh’s outstretched legs and holding up the lube. “Since when do you carry this stuff around with you?”
“Well it should look familiar,” Josh answered, grinning as Cooper glanced down at his hand and frowned. “I found it in my bag when I got back from Paris. It’s not like you can just run to the drugstore in Sandborn and pick this stuff up.”
“Have you ever looked? You might be surprised,” Cooper said as he opened the tube and squeezed clear gel onto his fingers.
“Can we talk about this later?”
The frustrated quality of his voice just made Cooper’s smile brighten, but he nodded and leaned forward. Josh reached up to rest his hand on the back of Cooper’s neck, drawing him forward for a hard kiss. When he felt slick fingers press against the entrance to his body he groaned against Cooper’s mouth, thrusting down to draw Cooper further inside. He tensed at the first twinge of pain, but almost immediately he forced himself to relax. It had been long enough since he last saw Cooper that he’d been expecting the initial stretch to hurt, but he knew as soon as he relaxed the pain would fade into bone-melting pleasure.
Cooper’s mouth left his to trail down his jaw, stopping at his neck to open his mouth against Josh’s skin. He buried his fingers in the other boy’s hair, lips parted as he murmured gibberish into the silence of the room. The sharp suction on his neck distracted him from the pain of Cooper’s fingers stretching him, and before long he was thrusting down with enough force to surprise Cooper into looking up at him. A stream of words raced through his mind without ever quite making it past his lips, words like ‘more’ and ‘now’ and ‘please’, because he wasn’t above begging if that was what it took. Cooper seemed to understand just by looking at him, though, and a moment later Josh was whimpering at the loss of the fingers inside him.
Before he worked up enough coherent thought to complain Cooper was reaching for the lube again, a hiss slipping out through gritted teeth as he ran a slick hand over his dick. Josh wasn’t even aware that he was licking his lips in anticipation until he looked up to find Cooper staring at him, his eyes darker than Josh had ever seen them before.
“Jesus, Josh,” Cooper murmured, leaning forward to fuse their mouths together as he settled between Josh’s legs. There was nothing shy about the way Josh reached between them to close his fist around Cooper’s cock, guiding the other boy inside him as Cooper’s tongue forced its way past his teeth. Josh ignored the discomfort of the much bigger stretch and wrapped his legs around Cooper’s waist, thrusting down to draw the other boy as far inside him as he could get.
When Cooper was buried as deep as possible he paused, tearing his mouth away from Josh’s and bracing his hands on either side of the other boy’s face. Josh knew what he was going to say before he got the words out, but it still made his heart skip a beat to hear Cooper say ‘love you’ in a hoarse, broken whisper. He reached up to pull Cooper back down for another kiss, squeezing slightly around the cock buried inside him in a silent urge for Cooper to move.
A low groan escaped Cooper’s throat as he pulled out and then thrust back into tight heat, his forehead resting against Josh’s shoulder as the other boy thrust up to meet him. Each time Cooper brushed against his prostate Josh’s breathing got a little more erratic, and before long he was thrusting wildly against the body pinning him to the bed. Cooper reached between them and wrapped his fingers around Josh’s straining erection, pulling back to watch Josh’s face as he tightened his grip and began to stroke in time to their thrusts.
Josh rocked helplessly between Cooper’s fist and his cock, trying to get impossibly closer to the other boy as the tension in his stomach intensified. He’d been fantasizing about this moment since the morning Cooper left him in Paris, they’d even talked about it over the phone late at night when Josh let go of his inhibitions long enough to lose himself in the sound of Cooper’s voice. None of his fantasies had lived up to the feeling of Cooper’s hands on him and the look in his eyes as he watched Josh struggle to keep from losing control too soon.
When the look on Cooper’s face got too intense he closed his eyes, caught between arching into Cooper’s fist and thrusting down to draw Cooper’s cock as far inside him as he could get it. Then Cooper leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Josh’s open mouth. “Love you,” he whispered again, and the sound of his voice was enough to make Josh finally let go. Later he’d be embarrassed that Cooper’s voice had that much power over him, but for right now he was lost in a wave of pleasure as his orgasm rocked his body. When the last of his bones had melted into the mattress he realized that Cooper had stopped moving, and he forced his eyes open to look up at the other boy.
As soon as their eyes met again Cooper shifted his weight, gripping Josh’s hip for leverage as he braced himself against the mattress with his other hand and began moving again. His thrusts were faster now, sending aftershocks of almost painful pleasure coursing through Josh every time he brushed the other boy’s prostate. Josh had no idea how Cooper had summoned up enough self-control to keep himself from coming when Josh did, but he seemed to have abandoned whatever control he’d been holding onto.
Once he caught his breath Josh met Cooper’s strokes again, clenching already tender muscles around the other boy each time Cooper buried himself inside Josh. There was no way he could hold up under that much stimulation, and before long Cooper tensed against him and buried his face in Josh’s neck, groaning his orgasm against sweat-slick skin. Josh’s arms wrapped around Cooper’s back, his whole body wrapped around Cooper as he waited out the shudders rocking the other boy’s body.
He didn’t loosen his grip even after Cooper stopped shaking, unwilling to lose the reassuring weight pressing him into the mattress. Finally Cooper shifted against him and Josh let his legs fall back onto the mattress, wincing at the combination of new soreness in his muscles and the tenderness when Cooper pulled out of him.
“Sorry,” Cooper murmured against his skin, pressing a kiss to the corner of Josh’s mouth as he rolled onto his side and pulled Josh into his arms.
“You better not be,” Josh answered, fighting to open his eyes long enough to look at Cooper. “I love you too.”
“I know,” Cooper said, grinning as he watched Josh’s eyelids flutter again. “Tired?”
“A little. Haven’t been sleeping very well the past few days.” As soon as he said it a yawn escaped his throat, and he clamped his hand over his mouth.
Cooper laughed and pulled his hand away, pressing his lips to Josh’s mouth for a chaste kiss. “Sleep, Josh. I’m not going anywhere.”
Josh smiled and let Cooper pull him even closer, breathing in their mingled scents as he let one hand rest on Cooper’s hip. He knew at least some of the awkwardness would be back when he woke up, but for now he felt like he was exactly where he belonged.
Fandom: Dead Man On Campus
Pairing: Josh/Cooper
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. Josh goes to visit Cooper in Buffalo and learns a lot more than he bargained for about how Cooper grew up. Part five of the Senior Year series.
Josh ran a hand through damp hair, frowning down at the towel in his hand for a few seconds before he finally gave up and tossed it onto a pile of what he assumed was laundry. The fact that Cooper’s bathroom was a mess actually made him feel a little better, like his boyfriend at least had a few normal things in his life. So far he hadn’t really had a chance to be overwhelmed by Cooper’s house, but the sight of it when they first pulled up to it had made his stomach drop and he was pretty sure it was going to get worse before it got better.
He took a deep breath and let himself back into Cooper’s room, letting out a small sigh of relief when he found himself alone. Getting dressed in front of Cooper always made him self-conscious after they hadn’t seen each other for awhile, no matter how many times he told himself that it was no big deal. He hated being so nervous about every aspect of their relationship, but so far he hadn’t figured out a way to get himself over it. It all seemed so easy for Cooper, as though he didn’t even give it a second thought. Josh was never sure if that made him feel better or worse about his own nerves, so he tried not to dwell on it.
A glance around Cooper’s room let him know that the other boy had moved his bags from the hallway while he was in the shower, and he smiled in spite of his nervousness at the idea that Cooper could actually be thoughtful when he wanted to be. Once he’d pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a tee shirt he ran his hands through his hair again and swallowed a sudden rush of nerves, willing himself to calm down enough to go downstairs and find Cooper. There wasn’t even anyone else in the house, he had no reason to be nervous. And anyway even if he wanted to he couldn’t ignore his stomach anymore, so he had no choice but to go downstairs and at least get something to eat.
When he let himself out into the hallway he looked around for the first time, taking in the number of doors lining the hall on either side of the stairs. Cooper’s house was easily as big as Emily’s, probably even bigger. Josh swallowed hard and forced his legs to carry him to the stairs, gripping the railing a little harder than he needed to as he made his way downstairs. When he reached the foyer he glanced around, frowning as he tried to decide which direction would most likely lead him to Cooper. He called the other boy’s name but got no response, and it hit him for the first time that Cooper might have left to pick up lunch or something.
Okay, so he could handle being alone in a mansion for awhile. He wasn’t sure if people actually used that word anymore, but that was what it felt like and anyway there was no one around to hear him thinking even if he’d been talking out loud. Finally he decided to go right, stepping through a wide doorway and into what he guessed was supposed to be the living room. He’d never seen furniture quite like this in any living room he’d ever actually been in, though; Emily’s parents had a family room near the back of the house that was a lot more casual than their actual living room, but even their living room was decorated with deer heads and Walleye that Emily’s father had killed and had stuffed.
Their living room felt more like the foyer of a hunting lodge than a place to hang out and watch TV, but this room…this room felt as antiseptic and vacant as the hospital where his mother worked. Everything was white - the couches, the carpet, the walls, even the porcelain figures scattered around the room - except for a few tables that had been elaborately carved and stained almost black. Before he even realized what he was doing Josh wandered into the room, glancing down absently to make sure he hadn’t remembered to put shoes on before he headed downstairs.
The carpet felt thick and soft under his feet, as though it was new and hadn’t suffered the wear and tear of a family trampling over it until it was hopelessly flattened. The plush feeling seemed oddly out of place in the stark room, though, and he wrapped his arms around his chest as he made his way further into the room. It was amazing how clean everything felt; his own house was small even for just him and his mom, and it seemed like there was almost always some article of clothing tossed on the couch or a stack of magazines piled on the coffee table. He couldn’t remember his house ever feeling so much like a doctor’s office or some kind of waiting room, there were way too many pictures hanging at weird angles on the walls or gathering dust on every flat surface his house.
The only pictures in Cooper’s living room were in two oversized gold frames, set far back on a sideboard that lined almost half the far wall. He crossed the room to get a better look, assuming that at least one of them had to be some kind of family portrait. As he got closer he realized one of them was a picture of a woman who had to be Cooper’s mother. The resemblance was remarkable, in fact, except for the fact that Cooper’s mother’s hair was a shade of blonde that Josh was pretty sure only occurred naturally in kids under the age of six.
He turned his attention to the other picture, frowning as he realized that Cooper wasn’t in that one either. He found himself staring at Mrs. Frederickson again, her complexion washed out by a too-red dress. She was standing next to a man that looked older than her, his arm around her shoulders. Josh could only assume that was Cooper’s father, although he definitely got his looks from his mom’s side of the family. He glanced around the room again, shaking his head at the absence of any more family pictures. Maybe they kept stuff like that in the family room, he told himself as he made his way back across the thick carpet. It wasn’t like he knew anything about being rich, maybe they didn’t keep family stuff out where company would see it.
There had to be pictures from Cooper’s school around somewhere; when Josh brought home his senior pictures his mother had taken over the kitchen table for over a week organizing them and splitting them into piles to be mailed to various relatives he’d never heard of. He wasn’t positive, but he thought she might even have sent one to his dad. Cooper’s parents were still married and they were both living in the same house as him, they had to have some pictures of him somewhere.
He wandered back into the foyer, noting for the first time that there was a door just past the stairs. If the layout of the second floor was any indication that meant the door probably led to another entire wing, most likely housing the kitchen and whatever more family-oriented rooms they had. Josh took a deep breath to steady his nerves and pushed the door open, only to freeze when he heard something fall somewhere down the hall, followed by a muffled curse.
As soon as he heard the sound of Cooper’s voice he forgot about exploring the rest of the house, following the noise until he found himself in a kitchen that had to be bigger than the entire bottom floor of his house. He had no idea why anyone would need a kitchen the size of a small restaurant, and from the look on Cooper’s face he was having a little trouble figuring it out himself. He was standing in the center of the kitchen, turned slightly away from Josh as he surveyed the contents of the biggest fridge Josh had ever seen.
“Un-fucking-believable,” Cooper announced after a moment, straightening up and slamming the fridge shut. He caught sight of Josh out of the corner of his eye and turned to face him, his lips twitching in an involuntary grin even as he shook his head. “I don’t even know why we have a kitchen, we never have any food.”
“This room could double as a garage,” Josh said, taking a few steps toward Cooper as he glanced around at the expanses of white tile. “Or an apartment.”
“Yeah? You wanna move in? My folks probably wouldn’t even notice.”
“Somehow I doubt I could afford the rent.” Josh matched Cooper's grin with one of his own as the other boy leaned against the counter. He hadn't bothered to put his shirt back on, and somehow the sight of Cooper hanging out even in his own house with no shirt on seemed strange. He'd never really seen Cooper when he wasn't perfectly groomed, unless they were in bed and that was totally different. It was hard to imagine anyone feeling comfortable just hanging out in his house, though, even someone who'd spent his whole life there.
Cooper laughed and pushed himself off the counter, crossing the room to stop in front of Josh. "I bet I could think of some way for you to pay me back," he said, his arms sliding around Josh's waist as he backed them toward the entrance to the kitchen. "I ordered pizza. You wanna go watch TV or something until it gets here?"
"Or something." Josh's hands landed on Cooper's back, his fingers tracing lazy circles on warm skin as he let Cooper pull him down the hall. He didn't pay attention to where they were going, all he was thinking about was the warm body pressed against him. When they stopped he registered vaguely that his calves were pressing against a couch, then he was being pushed backwards and draped in Cooper again and he stopped thinking at all.
He settled a little further into the cushions as Cooper swung a leg over his hips, straddling his waist and leaning forward until their mouths were less than an inch apart. "I'm really, really glad you got on that plane," he whispered, sending a shiver down Josh's spine as warm breath hit his skin.
Josh didn't answer, instead he reached up and pressed his palm to the back of Cooper's neck to ease him forward. When their lips met he heard himself sigh, but he couldn't focus long enough to be embarrassed. The only thing he wanted to think about was Cooper's mouth moving against his and Cooper's hands working their way under his shirt to flatten against his chest. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten how amazing it felt just to kiss Cooper, how intense just the feeling of skin on skin could be. He thought he'd remembered everything; the way it felt to have Cooper inside him, the way they moved together and the way Cooper smelled of salt and expensive cologne.
Forgetting a single detail had been out of the question as far as he was concerned, but there was no way he would have been able to commit the intensity of his feelings to memory. He remembered every second he and Cooper spent together, but there was no way he could commit to memory the way his blood rushed or the way his pulse pounded against his ears when they were skin to skin. Love was one thing; he knew Cooper loved him and he knew how much he loved Cooper. At least he thought he knew how Cooper felt about him, at least he knew how Cooper thought he felt. This went beyond simple love, though - this was need, as basic and desperate as it got and he wasn't sure he could ever make it stop.
He didn't even know if he wanted to make it stop, because needing Cooper was the scariest, most intense, most fantastic feeling in the world. It felt like his skin was on fire, just under the surface where he couldn't see it but burning hot and letting him know for the first time in his life that he was alive. And yeah, maybe some of it was just hormones but there was no way he could feel this much for somebody just because of a physical attraction. If that was it they'd be tearing each other's clothes off by now, but this wasn't just lust. This was different than that first night in Cooper's hotel room, it was different even than half an hour ago upstairs in Cooper's bedroom.
The desperation in his kiss was gone, he wasn't whimpering and pleading with Cooper for just a little more, just enough to get him off because he was too hard and he'd been torturing himself about this for too long. This was getting reacquainted with slow, languid kisses, Cooper stretched out on top of him and cradled between Josh's legs. This was the reassuring weight of someone he loved and wanted and even trusted pressing him into the couch, and it didn't even matter that they were torturing themselves with long, lazy kisses and gentle touches that sought out remembered sensitive spots on necks and arms and shoulder blades.
By the time the doorbell rang Cooper was rocking minutely against him, their bodies moving in an almost perfect rhythm that made everything just intense enough for Josh to forget why the doorbell was ringing in the first place. He closed his eyes when Cooper pulled back, only to open them again when he felt his shirt sliding further up his chest. Maybe Cooper hadn't heard, maybe he was so lost in his lust-induced haze that he hadn't even heard the doorbell ring.
"Coop, somebody's at the…"
"I know," Cooper answered, leaning forward to press a reassuring kiss to Josh's lips before he pulled away again and tugged Josh into a sitting position long enough to pull his shirt over his head.
"What are you…?"
Cooper grinned and pulled the tee shirt over his own head, glancing down to make sure he'd gotten it on right side out before he pushed himself off Josh's lap and stood up. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair, visibly shaking off the last of the fog before he looked at Josh again. "Don't go anywhere."
Josh let out a frustrated breath and fell back against the cushions, running a hand self-consciously over his bare chest. He had to admit it was kind of cool to see Cooper in his clothes even if it was just an old tee shirt, but it felt weird to be hanging out in somebody else's house in just a pair of jeans and boxers. For the first time since they’d stumbled out of the kitchen together he looked around the room, smiling as he realized they were in that family room he’d been looking for. There was a big screen TV at one end of the room, surrounded by cabinets that Josh assumed held expensive stereo equipment. The furniture back here was a little more casual than the stark white in the front of the house, but despite the dark leather couch and chairs and the more casual atmosphere it still felt a little empty.
Maybe ‘empty’ wasn’t even the right word, but Josh couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was missing. He stood up and glanced around at the shelves lined with books and what he assumed were expensive dust collectors, but there wasn’t any trace of any family pictures at all. On one wall there was a locked case, and Josh wandered over and peered through the glass. His eyes widened as he realized the case held sports memorabilia, mostly signed baseball cards in little plastic cases. Cooper’s dad didn’t really seem like the type to get into that kind of thing, but maybe he thought of them as an investment.
He frowned as he turned back toward the center of the room and glanced around again, trying to decide if this really was the family room after all. There was the couch and a huge TV, but maybe this was some kind of space set aside for Cooper’s father to unwind. There was a bar on the wall opposite the TV, so maybe Cooper wasn’t even supposed to be in here. That didn’t explain the lack of family pictures in the house, though. Josh would have been embarrassed by the amount of pictures his mom had of him in their house if his friends’ parents hadn’t all been just as overzealous, but so far aside from Cooper’s bedroom he hadn’t seen any evidence at all that he even lived here.
So maybe Cooper really hadn’t been exaggerating when he said that to his parents he was just an afterthought, something Josh had been trying to tell himself just wasn’t possible. Sure, he knew there were lousy parents in the world, but it didn’t seem possible that Cooper could have grown up in this house and turned out the way he did. This seemed more like the home of one of those quiet, strange kids that snapped one day and opened fire in homeroom. The thought sent a shiver down Josh’s spine and he wrapped his arms around his chest, willing away the images his imagination insisted on supplying of Cooper’s unhappy childhood.
By the time Cooper came back with the pizza Josh had managed to totally depress himself, but he forced a smile as he watched the other boy walk back into the room and drop their lunch on the coffee table. “You want a beer?” Cooper asked, disappearing behind the bar and opening what Josh guessed was a fridge hidden under the counter.
“Won’t your father notice?” Josh asked as he watched Cooper set two bottles down on the bar.
“You’re kidding, right?” Cooper grinned and shook his head, twisting the caps off the beers before he crossed back to Josh. “My old man doesn’t notice anything. And if he did I doubt he’d care. Don’t worry about it.”
Josh took the bottle Cooper held out to him and followed him back to the couch, hoping Cooper would chalk up his mood to worrying about the beer and not the fact that Cooper’s house had sent him into a funk less than an hour after he got there. He settled on the leather couch next to Cooper and set his beer on the coffee table, contenting himself to watch the other boy as he reached for the pizza box and flipped the top open. Just looking at Cooper did strange things to Josh’s stomach, and he was struck for the first time since he’d gotten off the plane by the fact that they were actually together again.
He reached out without thinking and curled his fingers around Cooper’s cheek, his fingertips brushing the other boy’s hairline. Cooper leaned into the touch automatically, his entire body unconsciously inching a little closer to Josh. As soon as Cooper moved Josh moved with him, his fingers sinking a little deeper into soft hair as he watched Cooper’s eyes flutter closed.
“I can’t believe how much I love you,” he said, the words escaping his lips before he even realized he’d been thinking them. He was pretty sure it was the first time he’d ever said it first while they still had all - well, most - of their clothes on; usually Cooper was a lot better at vocalizing how he felt than Josh was. It wasn’t exactly the best way to say it, either, but it was exactly how he felt. It still took him by surprise when he caught himself thinking about Cooper and realized that his heart actually ached with the strength of his feelings. There was no way he could find the words to describe it, so he usually didn’t try. Sometimes it hurt so much to think about it that he had to do something, though, and he didn’t want to start crying in front of Cooper on his first day in Buffalo.
He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction to expect, but the smile that lit up Cooper’s eyes made it worth whatever embarrassment he felt at saying the words out loud. Josh mirrored Cooper’s grin unconsciously and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to the other boy’s lips. When he finally released Cooper again they were both breathing hard, and a shiver rolled through him as Cooper slid one hand down his bare chest.
“You’re not just trying to get me to give you your shirt back, are you?”
“No,” Josh answered, smiling self-consciously as he glanced down at his bare chest.
“Good.” Cooper grinned and leaned forward again, pressing his mouth to the soft skin just below Josh’s ear. “Because I kind of like you like this.” The last part was whispered against his skin, and Josh’s temperature inched up a degree or two despite the chill from the air conditioning. Then Cooper pulled away and picked up his beer, leaving Josh feeling suddenly cold again. He swallowed a sigh and turned back to the coffee table, his stomach reminding him of how hungry he really was as soon as the scent of tomato sauce and cheese hit him.
Cooper reached for the remote and suddenly the room was filled with the noise of some sporting event, and Josh glanced up from his pizza long enough to note that there was some kind of swim meet on the big screen. He raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Cooper, a low chuckle escaping his throat at the rapt expression on the other boy’s face. “Swimming?”
“Well you’ve gotta admit, those guys are pretty hot,” Cooper said, smirking as he glanced over at Josh.
“I never really thought about it,” Josh admitted. “But yeah, I guess you’ve got a point. Of course they have to shave to get that look, and there’s nothing in the world worth enough to get me to shave my legs.”
“Nothing?”
He could practically see the wheels in Cooper’s head turning, and he didn’t even want to imagine the possible scenarios Cooper was coming up with to see if he could talk Josh into shaving. “Forget it, Coop. Not even for you. No matter how much you pout.”
Cooper laughed and picked up the remote again, flipping idly through the channels without really paying attention to them. “That’s okay, I kinda like your legs. In fact I’ve been thinking about you wrapping them around me for awhile now. So hurry up and eat.”
Somehow Josh managed not to choke on the mouthful of beer he’d been in the process of swallowing, his eyes watering as he forced the liquid down his throat. The image alone was enough to make him want to abandon lunch no matter how hungry he was, but coupled with Cooper’s voice it was almost impossible to resist pushing the other boy down on the couch and doing exactly what Cooper had suggested. He really wanted to go back upstairs to Cooper’s bed where they’d have plenty of room to stretch out, though, and he didn’t want to have to get back out of bed any time soon.
Besides, the anticipation was almost as exciting as actually being able to just reach out and touch Cooper any time he wanted to, so he forced himself to relax and watch the images on the TV scroll past. “So who’s the baseball fan?” he asked as Cooper flipped past ESPN for the second time, completely ignoring the Yankees game that was on.
Cooper’s gaze strayed unconsciously toward the cabinet at the edge of the room, and just for a second Josh thought he saw a hint of sadness in the other boy’s eyes. A second later it was gone, though, and he told himself he’d just imagined it. “That’s my old man’s shrine to the glory days,” Cooper answered, gesturing toward the cabinet with his beer bottle. “Whatever you do, don’t bring up baseball around Pop. Not unless you want a two-hour lecture on everything that’s wrong with the game today and a history lesson on how great it used to be. That’s all the Yankees stuff his old man collected back when he used to take my dad and his brother to the games.”
Josh wanted to ask why Cooper’s father never took him to games, but he had a feeling that might be the reason baseball seemed like a sore subject for Cooper. The only thing Josh had of his father’s was some old pictures from when he was a baby, and a bowling trophy his mother had missed when she got rid of his father’s things. He knew it was pathetic to keep it tucked away in his closet, especially when he hadn’t spoken to his father in years. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it, and he thought he understood why Cooper resented his father’s baseball card collection so much.
He fell silent again, stealing glances at Cooper’s profile as the other boy stared at the TV. Josh couldn’t be sure, but he had a feeling Cooper wasn’t even seeing the cartoon he’d finally stopped on. His eyes had taken on that far-away look that usually made Josh worry that Cooper was reconsidering their relationship. He knew it wasn’t about him this time, but he couldn’t help feeling responsible for bringing up Cooper’s father in the first place. Anything he came up with to distract Cooper from thinking about his dad just sounded lame, though, so he just let Cooper brood in silence.
When he looked up again he expected to find Cooper still lost in thought, so he was shocked to find the other boy staring back at him. He grinned self-consciously and tried to shake off the shock, heat creeping into his cheeks as he forced himself to hold Cooper’s gaze.
“Do you think you’ll miss it?”
“Miss what?” Josh asked, his forehead furrowed as he wondered where Cooper’s mind had wandered in the few minutes that had passed in silence.
“Home. I mean not now, but when you go away to college. Do you think you’re gonna miss it?”
It was hard to imagine missing Sandborn; even before the events of the past few months Josh couldn’t wait to get out of Indiana, if for no other reason than because he could finally be himself without feeling like a complete freak. At least that’s what he’d thought before he met Cooper, but now he wasn’t sure he’d ever stop feeling like he didn’t belong anywhere. Finally he shrugged and looked down at the couch cushions, part of him embarrassed to admit that he would miss it a little.
“I’ll miss my mom. Although lately I think I cause her more problems than she deserves. I’ll miss the start of spring, when the crops are just coming up and it rains pretty much every night. I’ll miss the smell of the fields right after a storm. I’ll miss driving Mr. Larson’s pick-up down the stretch of dirt road between the barn and his hay field. It sounds stupid, I know.”
Cooper was grinning, but he wasn’t laughing when Josh looked up again. “Actually it sounds like a pretty cool place to grow up,” Cooper said. “You don’t get much of that wholesome, sitcom stuff around here. At least not in my family. Nick’s parents are about as close as we get.”
“It’s a great place to grow up until they figure out you’re not like the rest of them, anyway,” Josh said, his smile fading as he watched Cooper’s expression turn serious. “I mean parts of it are great, when I was a kid I could pretty much go wherever and my mom didn’t have to worry about me getting killed or kidnapped or anything. Until the other kids started painting ‘fag’ on my locker and treating me like I was contagious it was okay. This summer I doubt even Mr. Larson would have let me work for him, and I’ve been working on his farm every summer for seven years.”
“So do you think you’ll go back?”
“What, like to visit? I guess it’ll depend on how hard it is on my mom the first time I show up again. She’ll say she wants me around no matter what the people in town think, but she’s the one that has to live there, you know? I’ve already messed things up enough back home. And anyway it’s not like anybody else there will want to see me. Emily, but she’ll be in college in a year anyway.”
“What about after college?”
Josh frowned at the nervous edge in the other boy’s voice, but he swallowed the urge to ask why Cooper was suddenly so concerned about his future. “I’m not planning to go back to Sandborn, if that’s what you mean. It’s not like I’d exactly get a warm welcome. Anyway that’s a long way off, I’ve got four years of undergrad and then medical school to think about before I decide where I’m going to live.”
He didn’t have to ask where Cooper would be when Josh was finished with school; it was a pretty safe bet that he’d still be in Buffalo, most likely following in his father’s footsteps. He knew that wasn’t what Cooper wanted, but the longer they knew each other the less Cooper seemed to have a choice about his future. Part of him wanted to remind Cooper of their promise, to tell him that Josh would be wherever he was because he’d meant it when he said forever. There was no way he’d be able to say that out loud, though, especially when he knew how quickly life could change.
Cooper cleared his throat and shifted on the couch, draining the last of his beer before he stood up. “You want anything?” he asked, not quite meeting Josh’s gaze as he gestured with his empty bottle toward the bar.
Josh shook his head and sat up a little, reaching out and catching Cooper’s hand in his. Cooper looked down sharply, but as soon as their eyes met the tension melted out of him. It was weird to see him visibly relax just from a single touch, but Josh found himself standing up and reaching to pull the bottle out of Cooper’s hand. He knew he could make Cooper laugh by saying something cheesy like ‘I want you’ or even ‘I want to go back upstairs’, but somehow making a joke out of it didn’t feel right. So he didn’t say anything, he just set the bottle down on the coffee table and reached for Cooper again, leaning forward to press his lips to the corner of the other boy’s mouth.
Cooper responded instantly, his hands in Josh’s hair to hold him still while he forced his lips open. The intensity of the kiss took Josh by surprise, but he let Cooper take the lead and wrapped his arms around the other boy’s waist to keep his balance. When he felt Cooper start to move him backwards again he tore his mouth away, gasping and trying to focus through the fog settling in his brain. “Upstairs,” he managed to choke out. “We need…”
“Yeah,” Cooper interrupted, nodding his agreement as he slowly released his grip on Josh’s hair. “Yeah, okay.”
Josh swallowed the urge to pull Cooper into his arms and just hold him until the image of Cooper looking so confused and vulnerable finally went away, but he couldn’t do it without explaining and he didn’t think he’d be able to tell Cooper what he was thinking. Even if he wanted to he knew he’d never find the words, so instead he let Cooper take his hand and drag him toward the front of the house.
By the time they made it back to Cooper’s bedroom they were almost out of their clothes, leaving a trail from the bottom of the stairs to Cooper’s door. He didn’t have time to feel self-conscious about having his jeans practically torn off him in the middle of the staircase, though, because he was too busy trying to figure out how to get Cooper out of his pants without breaking their kiss. He felt his boxers being pushed down his hips as they stumbled toward the bed, and he stopped long enough to kick them off before he let Cooper push him backwards onto the mattress.
He pushed the tangled mess of sheet and comforter out of the way, smiling at the image of Cooper waking up with his sheet wrapped around him. When he glanced up again the other boy was busy digging through a drawer in his nightstand, a deep frown marring his features. “Fuck,” he muttered, slamming the door shut and glancing over at Josh. “Bathroom maybe. Stay right there.”
Josh didn’t bother to point out that he wasn’t really dressed to go anywhere while Cooper hunted for the lube he’d misplaced. “Front pocket of my backpack,” he said, grinning at the other boy’s surprised expression. “Hurry up.”
Cooper laughed but did as he was told, crossing the room in three long strides and reaching for Josh’s backpack. Once he’d found what he was looking for he crossed back to the bed, kneeling between Josh’s outstretched legs and holding up the lube. “Since when do you carry this stuff around with you?”
“Well it should look familiar,” Josh answered, grinning as Cooper glanced down at his hand and frowned. “I found it in my bag when I got back from Paris. It’s not like you can just run to the drugstore in Sandborn and pick this stuff up.”
“Have you ever looked? You might be surprised,” Cooper said as he opened the tube and squeezed clear gel onto his fingers.
“Can we talk about this later?”
The frustrated quality of his voice just made Cooper’s smile brighten, but he nodded and leaned forward. Josh reached up to rest his hand on the back of Cooper’s neck, drawing him forward for a hard kiss. When he felt slick fingers press against the entrance to his body he groaned against Cooper’s mouth, thrusting down to draw Cooper further inside. He tensed at the first twinge of pain, but almost immediately he forced himself to relax. It had been long enough since he last saw Cooper that he’d been expecting the initial stretch to hurt, but he knew as soon as he relaxed the pain would fade into bone-melting pleasure.
Cooper’s mouth left his to trail down his jaw, stopping at his neck to open his mouth against Josh’s skin. He buried his fingers in the other boy’s hair, lips parted as he murmured gibberish into the silence of the room. The sharp suction on his neck distracted him from the pain of Cooper’s fingers stretching him, and before long he was thrusting down with enough force to surprise Cooper into looking up at him. A stream of words raced through his mind without ever quite making it past his lips, words like ‘more’ and ‘now’ and ‘please’, because he wasn’t above begging if that was what it took. Cooper seemed to understand just by looking at him, though, and a moment later Josh was whimpering at the loss of the fingers inside him.
Before he worked up enough coherent thought to complain Cooper was reaching for the lube again, a hiss slipping out through gritted teeth as he ran a slick hand over his dick. Josh wasn’t even aware that he was licking his lips in anticipation until he looked up to find Cooper staring at him, his eyes darker than Josh had ever seen them before.
“Jesus, Josh,” Cooper murmured, leaning forward to fuse their mouths together as he settled between Josh’s legs. There was nothing shy about the way Josh reached between them to close his fist around Cooper’s cock, guiding the other boy inside him as Cooper’s tongue forced its way past his teeth. Josh ignored the discomfort of the much bigger stretch and wrapped his legs around Cooper’s waist, thrusting down to draw the other boy as far inside him as he could get.
When Cooper was buried as deep as possible he paused, tearing his mouth away from Josh’s and bracing his hands on either side of the other boy’s face. Josh knew what he was going to say before he got the words out, but it still made his heart skip a beat to hear Cooper say ‘love you’ in a hoarse, broken whisper. He reached up to pull Cooper back down for another kiss, squeezing slightly around the cock buried inside him in a silent urge for Cooper to move.
A low groan escaped Cooper’s throat as he pulled out and then thrust back into tight heat, his forehead resting against Josh’s shoulder as the other boy thrust up to meet him. Each time Cooper brushed against his prostate Josh’s breathing got a little more erratic, and before long he was thrusting wildly against the body pinning him to the bed. Cooper reached between them and wrapped his fingers around Josh’s straining erection, pulling back to watch Josh’s face as he tightened his grip and began to stroke in time to their thrusts.
Josh rocked helplessly between Cooper’s fist and his cock, trying to get impossibly closer to the other boy as the tension in his stomach intensified. He’d been fantasizing about this moment since the morning Cooper left him in Paris, they’d even talked about it over the phone late at night when Josh let go of his inhibitions long enough to lose himself in the sound of Cooper’s voice. None of his fantasies had lived up to the feeling of Cooper’s hands on him and the look in his eyes as he watched Josh struggle to keep from losing control too soon.
When the look on Cooper’s face got too intense he closed his eyes, caught between arching into Cooper’s fist and thrusting down to draw Cooper’s cock as far inside him as he could get it. Then Cooper leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Josh’s open mouth. “Love you,” he whispered again, and the sound of his voice was enough to make Josh finally let go. Later he’d be embarrassed that Cooper’s voice had that much power over him, but for right now he was lost in a wave of pleasure as his orgasm rocked his body. When the last of his bones had melted into the mattress he realized that Cooper had stopped moving, and he forced his eyes open to look up at the other boy.
As soon as their eyes met again Cooper shifted his weight, gripping Josh’s hip for leverage as he braced himself against the mattress with his other hand and began moving again. His thrusts were faster now, sending aftershocks of almost painful pleasure coursing through Josh every time he brushed the other boy’s prostate. Josh had no idea how Cooper had summoned up enough self-control to keep himself from coming when Josh did, but he seemed to have abandoned whatever control he’d been holding onto.
Once he caught his breath Josh met Cooper’s strokes again, clenching already tender muscles around the other boy each time Cooper buried himself inside Josh. There was no way he could hold up under that much stimulation, and before long Cooper tensed against him and buried his face in Josh’s neck, groaning his orgasm against sweat-slick skin. Josh’s arms wrapped around Cooper’s back, his whole body wrapped around Cooper as he waited out the shudders rocking the other boy’s body.
He didn’t loosen his grip even after Cooper stopped shaking, unwilling to lose the reassuring weight pressing him into the mattress. Finally Cooper shifted against him and Josh let his legs fall back onto the mattress, wincing at the combination of new soreness in his muscles and the tenderness when Cooper pulled out of him.
“Sorry,” Cooper murmured against his skin, pressing a kiss to the corner of Josh’s mouth as he rolled onto his side and pulled Josh into his arms.
“You better not be,” Josh answered, fighting to open his eyes long enough to look at Cooper. “I love you too.”
“I know,” Cooper said, grinning as he watched Josh’s eyelids flutter again. “Tired?”
“A little. Haven’t been sleeping very well the past few days.” As soon as he said it a yawn escaped his throat, and he clamped his hand over his mouth.
Cooper laughed and pulled his hand away, pressing his lips to Josh’s mouth for a chaste kiss. “Sleep, Josh. I’m not going anywhere.”
Josh smiled and let Cooper pull him even closer, breathing in their mingled scents as he let one hand rest on Cooper’s hip. He knew at least some of the awkwardness would be back when he woke up, but for now he felt like he was exactly where he belonged.