I take it that Cathy kicked the shins, but Annie's Mom was the one who said, "show respect to your elders"? It was a little confusing there. There's a few other changes I'd make, like maybe slightly simpler vocabulary, and perhaps I'd change "nice cars drive by really fast" to something else because I'm not sure if a little kid would really judge their neighborhood based on that.
Otherwise I really like it. I like the speed the story is going at. The background exposition is obviously not based on true events at all :P I'm definitely intrigued and convinced that someone died this Faire Halloween Night. I want to know more!
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Otherwise I really like it. I like the speed the story is going at. The background exposition is obviously not based on true events at all :P I'm definitely intrigued and convinced that someone died this Faire Halloween Night. I want to know more!
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