empiricism ftw
pairing: jongin/sehun
genre: crack
rating: pg-13
word count: 1.2k
summary: after a peculiar dream about jongin (or more specifically, jongin’s junk), sehun’s made it his mission to see if his dream reflects reality.
notes: for baeksthighs who gave me a prompt which i subsequently butchered. i'm sorry, bb. please don't hate me. ily ♡
empiricism ftw
sehun is still half asleep-eyes heavy and uncooperative-when he stumbles into the bathroom to take his routine morning leak. he doesn’t expect to find his best friend and housemate-kim jongin-in the shower, completely butt naked.
sehun’s opens his mouth to apologise for the intrusion but the words don’t make a sound. when he realises that his presence has yet to be detected by the other, he lingers by the door, watching the man bathe in silence.
he ignores his internal moral conscience telling him to hightail it out of there before jongin catches him but his feet have somehow manifested roots, planting himself firmly to the ground. with the unforeseen circumstance preventing his exit, sehun sees no other alternative but to make the most of it, drinking in the sight that is jongin’s glorious form. streams of water run down his best friend’s back, his skin glistening as the light bounces off his lean body. it’s a wonderful sight, a delight to the eyes, and sehun can’t help but thank the luck and fortune that’s been bestowed upon him.
“can i please get a full frontal?” sehun finds himself greedy for more, wishing to catch a glimpse of his best friend’s junk. and as if on cue, his prayers are answered. jongin slowly turns around, exposing the rest of his naked body. sehun’s eyes immediately drop to jongin's nether regions. his jaw drops, hanging wide open as he stands gawking at the other.
in place of jongin’s dick, it’s a-
sehun jerks up, his hands fisted in the sheets, with only the sound of his rapid heartbeat filling his ears. scanning his surroundings, the natural light of the breaking dawn seeping through the thin veil draped in front of the window, sehun recognises the room and personal belongings being none other than his own.
“it was just a dream,” he mutters to himself before settling back down, wrapping the blanket around his frame. “just a dream.”
sehun’s been on constant crotch watch since the dream. his curiosity piqued, sehun ponders as to whether or not there is any truth behind it. maybe he'd seen jongin naked in passing and had somehow committed it to his memory bank without realising? i mean, why else would he have such a dream?
to sehun’s knowledge, jongin doesn’t appear to have a tell tale bulge in his trousers that would suggest that he would have anything unusual in place of a regular penis. however, unless it was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, sehun would have to continue the very official research he's been conducting thus far. let the record note that it’s not like sehun's been enjoying ogling his best friend in secret, that would be absurd. it’s all in the name of science, sehun contends, he'll end the surveillance once he's reached a satisfactory conclusion.
a few days passes and sehun realises that his passive approach has yielded zero results. he'll need to be more hands on if he wants to make a groundbreaking discovery.
his first attempt involves inviting jongin out to dinner with a ruse that he'll be paying (he'll conveniently forget his wallet, of course) and plies jongin with copious amounts of liquid. sehun then announces that he'll join jongin to the inevitable trip to the bathroom. the plan fails miserably when jongin tells sehun that he doesn't need a chaperone and that he is to wait for his return before setting off to relieve his own bladder.
the second attempt is a suggestion to watch porn together-for a good quality bonding session-sehun says in an attempt to sell the offer. he intends to monitor jongin's state of arousal to see if there are any displays of anomalies in particular regions of the man’s anatomy. sehun is greeted with a door slammed in his face-no surprise there.
in the midst of trying to formulate a new plan, sehun completely, totally, and utterly loses it when he opens the fridge and discovers the object that’s been plaguing his mind staring back at him.
finding jongin sitting on the couch, sehun strikes when the iron’s still hot. “pull down your pants," he instructs, on hand to help out if required.
“what the fuck? why are you-no!” jongin tries to swat his best friend's hands away from his trousers.
“but i need to see your dick!”
“what? why?!”
“i need to make sure you have an actual penis, like a human one.” sehun is fully aware he's making absolutely no sense, that his friend is probably fearing for his life but he needs to get to the bottom of this, no more waiting idly by for a lucky break. he tussles with jongin for several moments, limbs entangled as they roll across the carpet of the living room.
“oh, my god! what are you doing, sehun?!”
“just show me your dick and i'll back off! unless you've got something to hide, that is.”
“i'm not just going to show you my junk!” jongin manages to push sehun off him with an accidental knee to the groin.
sehun recoils in agony, hands clutching around his genitals. blinking back tears, sehun deems it high time he explains the motive behind his actions. “okay, look. i had this dream about you where you were in the shower. naked, obviously. and when you turned around, instead of a dick, you had a…”
“a…?”
“...an eggplant. down there.”
the room falls silent, granting sehun the opportunity to recover from the blinding pain.
jongin is the first to speak after the revelation. “a fucking eggplant?! is that why you’ve been acting so strange this past week? for fuck’s sake, sehun. yes, i have a normal human dick! do you really need to see it to believe it?”
“yes,” sehun blurts out before he activates his filter. his enthusiasm to inspect his best friend’s dick will probably be misconstrued but sehun tries to remind himself that he is a man of science.
jongin blinks at him for several moments before responding. “if it’ll satisfy your curiosity, fine.” without another moment’s hesitation, jongin stands up and drops trou to reveal his dick in all it's magnificence.
a pleasant sight that it is, it isn't quite what sehun has been picturing in his mind and he expresses it as such. “oh.”
“oh?! what do you mean ‘oh’? why do you sound so fucking disappointed?!”
“but it’s just so…normal.” sehun leans in closer for a better look. his current seated position gives him a perfect angle for a thorough examination. he tilts his head side to side, and a tongue darts out from between his lips.
“well, of course it’s fucking normal. wait, were you actually hoping it was an actual eggplant?” jongin stamps his foot, causing his flaccid dick to bounce slightly.
“can i...can i touch it?” sehun asks, fingers poised and ready.
judging by the furious expression on jongin's face, the answer is no. it's confirmed as a definite no when jongin hastily pulls back up his trousers and storms into his room, slamming the door for good measure.
unable to fall asleep, sehun spends most of the night tossing and turning. now that he’s seen jongin’s dick, there's something else that's been eating at him-what does it taste like?
guess he’s going to have to find out. y’know, for science.
a/n:
please don't ask for a continuation or a sequel, because there won't be one.
(but honestly though, who would even want moar, am i right?)
❥ carpesoo.flavors.me
genre: crack
rating: pg-13
word count: 1.2k
summary: after a peculiar dream about jongin (or more specifically, jongin’s junk), sehun’s made it his mission to see if his dream reflects reality.
notes: for baeksthighs who gave me a prompt which i subsequently butchered. i'm sorry, bb. please don't hate me. ily ♡
empiricism ftw
sehun is still half asleep-eyes heavy and uncooperative-when he stumbles into the bathroom to take his routine morning leak. he doesn’t expect to find his best friend and housemate-kim jongin-in the shower, completely butt naked.
sehun’s opens his mouth to apologise for the intrusion but the words don’t make a sound. when he realises that his presence has yet to be detected by the other, he lingers by the door, watching the man bathe in silence.
he ignores his internal moral conscience telling him to hightail it out of there before jongin catches him but his feet have somehow manifested roots, planting himself firmly to the ground. with the unforeseen circumstance preventing his exit, sehun sees no other alternative but to make the most of it, drinking in the sight that is jongin’s glorious form. streams of water run down his best friend’s back, his skin glistening as the light bounces off his lean body. it’s a wonderful sight, a delight to the eyes, and sehun can’t help but thank the luck and fortune that’s been bestowed upon him.
“can i please get a full frontal?” sehun finds himself greedy for more, wishing to catch a glimpse of his best friend’s junk. and as if on cue, his prayers are answered. jongin slowly turns around, exposing the rest of his naked body. sehun’s eyes immediately drop to jongin's nether regions. his jaw drops, hanging wide open as he stands gawking at the other.
in place of jongin’s dick, it’s a-
sehun jerks up, his hands fisted in the sheets, with only the sound of his rapid heartbeat filling his ears. scanning his surroundings, the natural light of the breaking dawn seeping through the thin veil draped in front of the window, sehun recognises the room and personal belongings being none other than his own.
“it was just a dream,” he mutters to himself before settling back down, wrapping the blanket around his frame. “just a dream.”
sehun’s been on constant crotch watch since the dream. his curiosity piqued, sehun ponders as to whether or not there is any truth behind it. maybe he'd seen jongin naked in passing and had somehow committed it to his memory bank without realising? i mean, why else would he have such a dream?
to sehun’s knowledge, jongin doesn’t appear to have a tell tale bulge in his trousers that would suggest that he would have anything unusual in place of a regular penis. however, unless it was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, sehun would have to continue the very official research he's been conducting thus far. let the record note that it’s not like sehun's been enjoying ogling his best friend in secret, that would be absurd. it’s all in the name of science, sehun contends, he'll end the surveillance once he's reached a satisfactory conclusion.
a few days passes and sehun realises that his passive approach has yielded zero results. he'll need to be more hands on if he wants to make a groundbreaking discovery.
his first attempt involves inviting jongin out to dinner with a ruse that he'll be paying (he'll conveniently forget his wallet, of course) and plies jongin with copious amounts of liquid. sehun then announces that he'll join jongin to the inevitable trip to the bathroom. the plan fails miserably when jongin tells sehun that he doesn't need a chaperone and that he is to wait for his return before setting off to relieve his own bladder.
the second attempt is a suggestion to watch porn together-for a good quality bonding session-sehun says in an attempt to sell the offer. he intends to monitor jongin's state of arousal to see if there are any displays of anomalies in particular regions of the man’s anatomy. sehun is greeted with a door slammed in his face-no surprise there.
in the midst of trying to formulate a new plan, sehun completely, totally, and utterly loses it when he opens the fridge and discovers the object that’s been plaguing his mind staring back at him.
finding jongin sitting on the couch, sehun strikes when the iron’s still hot. “pull down your pants," he instructs, on hand to help out if required.
“what the fuck? why are you-no!” jongin tries to swat his best friend's hands away from his trousers.
“but i need to see your dick!”
“what? why?!”
“i need to make sure you have an actual penis, like a human one.” sehun is fully aware he's making absolutely no sense, that his friend is probably fearing for his life but he needs to get to the bottom of this, no more waiting idly by for a lucky break. he tussles with jongin for several moments, limbs entangled as they roll across the carpet of the living room.
“oh, my god! what are you doing, sehun?!”
“just show me your dick and i'll back off! unless you've got something to hide, that is.”
“i'm not just going to show you my junk!” jongin manages to push sehun off him with an accidental knee to the groin.
sehun recoils in agony, hands clutching around his genitals. blinking back tears, sehun deems it high time he explains the motive behind his actions. “okay, look. i had this dream about you where you were in the shower. naked, obviously. and when you turned around, instead of a dick, you had a…”
“a…?”
“...an eggplant. down there.”
the room falls silent, granting sehun the opportunity to recover from the blinding pain.
jongin is the first to speak after the revelation. “a fucking eggplant?! is that why you’ve been acting so strange this past week? for fuck’s sake, sehun. yes, i have a normal human dick! do you really need to see it to believe it?”
“yes,” sehun blurts out before he activates his filter. his enthusiasm to inspect his best friend’s dick will probably be misconstrued but sehun tries to remind himself that he is a man of science.
jongin blinks at him for several moments before responding. “if it’ll satisfy your curiosity, fine.” without another moment’s hesitation, jongin stands up and drops trou to reveal his dick in all it's magnificence.
a pleasant sight that it is, it isn't quite what sehun has been picturing in his mind and he expresses it as such. “oh.”
“oh?! what do you mean ‘oh’? why do you sound so fucking disappointed?!”
“but it’s just so…normal.” sehun leans in closer for a better look. his current seated position gives him a perfect angle for a thorough examination. he tilts his head side to side, and a tongue darts out from between his lips.
“well, of course it’s fucking normal. wait, were you actually hoping it was an actual eggplant?” jongin stamps his foot, causing his flaccid dick to bounce slightly.
“can i...can i touch it?” sehun asks, fingers poised and ready.
judging by the furious expression on jongin's face, the answer is no. it's confirmed as a definite no when jongin hastily pulls back up his trousers and storms into his room, slamming the door for good measure.
unable to fall asleep, sehun spends most of the night tossing and turning. now that he’s seen jongin’s dick, there's something else that's been eating at him-what does it taste like?
guess he’s going to have to find out. y’know, for science.
a/n:
please don't ask for a continuation or a sequel, because there won't be one.
(but honestly though, who would even want moar, am i right?)
❥ carpesoo.flavors.me