Definitions of Destiny: Chapter 23 (final chapter)
Title: Definitions of Destiny
Author: Caryn B
Fandom: Star Wars (film canon only - see notes)
Timeline: 6 months after RotJ
Pairing: Luke/Han, slash
Rating: NC-17 overall; this chapter NC-17
Warnings: None
The list of chapters is here
Chapter 23
They walked back from the medcenter in near silence. Luke was aware of Han's occasional glances, full of unasked questions and renewed uncertainty. He wasn't sure why that insecurity had returned, because nothing had happened that could change Luke's feelings for Han.
He wanted to stop, right there in the corridor, and make it clear that there was no cause for concern, but there were too many distractions. The round-the-clock shifts operating in Polis Massa's mines left no quiet time of day, and even though the Polis Massans were silent by nature, the corridors were noisy with the clatter of heavy gravity boots.
There were no free seats on the repulsor-car they caught, and the crush on board left Han and Luke standing at opposite ends of the vehicle. Luke gripped the overhead bar and steadied himself against the lurch of the transport as it wound its way through the settlement hub. He watched the asteroid field, almost close enough to touch, and wondered what his mother had made of this place. Had she known anything of its strange secrets, or surmised the role she was playing in events foretold thousands of years before she'd even lived? Whatever she'd deduced, she'd known enough to understand the hold that belief in destiny had over others.
Padmé. A founder of the Rebel Alliance who'd chosen to die because she knew... something. She'd looked for an answer and she'd found one, right at the end. Her death had been more than a last act against the darkness that had taken over his father. More than a protective shield thrown around her children. She'd known it was the right choice with a degree of certainty that should've been impossible, but Luke had learned by now not to throw that word around so readily. His mother had been a Senator, not a Jedi, yet in those last minutes of life she'd forged a link with Luke and Leia that went beyond the obvious.
Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us... Both Ben and Yoda had talked of the Force as an energy field created by life, but also as a power that partially directed the actions of those who could feel it. Whatever role the Force had played in his mother's life, Luke had sensed no element of coercion or control. He'd felt only harmony. It could've represented his mother's last conscious emotion, but Luke thought it went deeper than that. He believed that somehow, through the Force, his mother had glimpsed the future, and it had given her the strength to stand by her decision.
"We can stay on if you want," Han said, his voice an amused murmur in Luke's left ear.
Surprised, Luke turned his head, noticing how the transport had emptied of all but a few stragglers making their way to the perimeter of the settlement. Outside was the familiar corridor of the guest suite.
Luke grinned. "I guess I wasn't paying attention." Again. It was getting to be a habit, he thought, as he followed Han to the exit ramp.
Luke stopped outside the door to his room. There was a short moment of silence while he searched his pockets for the entry card.
"It's been a long day," Han said. "You probably wanna get some sleep."
"I need to check on Artoo. He still worries when I'm gone for longer than a couple of hours." Luke produced the card and slid it into the door panel. "And I want to ask him something," he added.
"Sure. Do whatever you wanna do."
Luke studied him for a moment, not taken in by Han's studied casualness. The uncertainty he'd noticed earlier was still there and Luke's reply had made it worse. "Just to make it clear - no, I'm not tired, and no, I don't want to get some sleep," he explained, his slow smile sparking relief in Han's eyes. "Unless that's what you want to do."
Han grinned. "Ain't the first thing on my mind."
"I won't be long then."
"Right." Han's tone was full of skepticism. "Want me to come in?"
"No - it'll be easier if I speak to him alone. He's a bit touchy over all this."
"He's a droid. He's not supposed to be touchy."
Luke shrugged. "Try telling him that."
"It's probably all those years of hangin' around with Goldenrod. That'd drive anyone round the twist."
Han set off down the corridor in the direction of his room and Luke watched him, reluctant to look away. Just as Luke was about to place a hand on the door panel Han stopped and turned round. Luke smiled, caught out in his appraisal.
Han's grin returned. "You'll take even longer if you don't get in there."
"Probably," Luke said, wondering how it was that desire had the ability to root his feet to the spot. He'd kept it in check all evening, but now it felt like he couldn't cope for even a few more moments. Of course, if he didn't let Artoo know he was okay then the droid would come looking for him instead. The thought provided the impetus he needed to turn away.
Artoo greeted him with the now-customary complaints, offset with a degree of relief that ought to have been incompatible with droid programming. In fact, Luke had never met a droid who wasn't temperamental. Even the Treadwell on Tatooine had grown impatient and bad-tempered when called on to repair the same vaporators day in and day out.
Luke sat down on the bed and waited until Artoo had trundled across to him. "Listen Artoo. There's something I want to explain. Something you need to know about me."
Artoo beeped, sounding wary.
"No, it's nothing to worry about. It's just that I get the impression you think I'm gonna disappear one day. And I think I know why."
Artoo gave an anxious chirrup, his dome rotating slowly.
"Maybe you've been programmed not to tell me, or maybe you haven't. But I know you remember things from before I was born. I know you were here on Polis Massa with my mother, although I don't know what your connection was. Maybe it was Obi-Wan? On Tatooine you claimed to have been his property."
Luke wondered why he'd never thought to question Artoo in detail. At the time he'd assumed the purported ownership by Obi-Wan Kenobi was a ruse. But even if Artoo hadn't belonged to Ben he'd certainly known him. And if he'd known Ben, then he must also have known Anakin Skywalker.
Artoo had stilled, listening to Luke's words. The lights on his dome flickered on and off in slow repetition but he made no form of reply. Luke wasn't anticipating an answer tonight. He'd been with Artoo for close on five years and the droid had never so much as hinted that he'd known of Luke's existence before the Jawa sandcrawler had arrived at the Lars homestead. The reasons behind that remained hidden away, deep inside Artoo's circuits, and attempts to unearth it too fast were bound to backfire. And Artoo was stubborn. Luke still remembered the problems over Leia's hologram to Ben.
"Whatever your reasons for being there, I'm sure you knew my father. And I think you knew he became Darth Vader. It explains so many of your reactions. You'd seen something of what the Emperor had done to him and that's why you were so anxious on Endor when you found out where I'd gone. I guess you wondered if I'd be following in my father's footsteps and staying with the Emperor."
Artoo broke his silence with a low whistle that sounded almost like an apology. His lights blinked rapidly, reminiscent of his distress in Sheni-dain's laboratory.
Luke reached out and touched Artoo's dome. "It doesn't matter. I don't blame you if that's what you thought. It must've been a difficult time for you, especially as everything to do with the Jedi and the Sith points to history repeating itself. That's what I want to explain. That it doesn't always work like that. It's only inevitable if you believe there's no other option."
Luke took a deep breath and flexed his shoulders, suddenly weary despite his denial to Han. He stood up and walked across the room, hearing the whirr of Artoo turning to follow his progress. "You might think I'm like my father, and I'm sure you're right in some ways. And maybe you heard Yoda say it too. Honestly, I can't even say how true it is. I never knew him - not in the real sense. But I did see certain things about him, and that's why I know I'm not like him. Not deep down inside."
Luke moved back towards Artoo and crouched down in front of him. "And that's why I'm never going to go where he went."
Artoo made a series of soft beeps and Luke smiled back at him. "I'm guilty of talking myself into thinking all sorts of things and it's taken me a while to be certain. There's no danger I'm going to disappear. When I go off somewhere without you, you can count on me coming back."
Luke stood back up, hoping he'd set Artoo back on track towards regaining his former confident self. The droid was renowned for being independent and strong-willed, but he'd suffered, along with the rest of them, in the aftermath of Endor.
"I'm going to talk to Han now," Luke explained. "I don't know how long I'll be. Then tomorrow we're setting off back to Arudin."
For the first time in months, Artoo didn't protest against Luke's plans and Luke took that as a good sign. If he'd managed to reassure Artoo in just one short conversation, then maybe it wouldn't take Artoo much longer before he felt able to broach the past. Luke was convinced that inside Artoo lay a lifetime of secrets just waiting to come out.
***
When Han let the door to his room slide open he looked bleary-eyed, as if he'd fallen asleep waiting for Luke. It had been a long day for him too, Luke reflected, regardless of the flight and time differences. It was the emotional drain of too much information and too many discoveries. Luke understood - his entire visit to Polis Massa had been like that.
Que-raik had given Han a room in an adjoining corridor with a transparent shield-wall that gave onto the asteroid field. Han had told Luke during the meal that the Administrator had apologized for the room, but that no other internal rooms were suitable. Luke wondered if the Polis Massans believed their guests would rather have isolation than a view into space, but in truth Luke would've preferred Han's room. Han had left the steel shutters open, allowing the endlessly spinning asteroids to cast their twisting, dark shadows across the walls. There was something mesmerizing about them, just as there was in staring through the shield watching the fragments of rock circling past.
Luke wandered across to gaze through the transparisteel wall. Han had noted that everything about the place seemed crazy, and he wasn't far wrong. There was something unsettling about looking out directly into space with no atmosphere to separate them from the vacuum. It ought to have felt like being in a ship, but the odd sensation bore no resemblance to that. And although Han's room was much less claustrophobic in the traditional sense, it still made Luke feel vaguely trapped. The overall atmosphere of Polis Massa was most likely responsible for that.
"Did you get everythin' sorted with Artoo?" Han asked.
Luke turned to reply but the words died in his throat before he could utter them. Han was leaning back against the door, his arms folded and his eyes fixed on Luke with an intensity that reached out across the room. It was almost tangible. A heat that fluttered across Luke's skin and settled inside him inside him like the sharp ache of hunger. Maybe Han had never revealed before just how deep his feelings ran, or maybe Luke hadn't allowed himself to recognize the full extent of them. But now they were there to be seen, overt and unmistakable, etched across Han's face and simmering in the darkened gaze that locked on Luke and pinned him in place.
Han's searching stare seemed to strip away the layers of doubt that had left them both wary. There'd always been that caution in the back of Luke's mind. The one that had warned him against hurting Han and destroying the balance of friendship and happiness that existed between them. It had run alongside his feelings for Han, not diminishing them, but burying them beneath a layer of guilt and self-recrimination. And Han had known that, consciously drawing away just a little, allowing Luke the space he thought Luke had needed.
But all those voices that had tried to counter what Luke had known deep inside had vanished now, leaving his emotions exposed and open. It was unsettling and disturbing in its newness. Like ripping away a security blanket, only to discover that its sole purpose had been to smother. It left him confronting the reality of need with all its rough edges and raw power.
"Luke."
It was just one word. Only his name. But Han's low, guttural tone gave everything away. Luke held out a hand, still searching for words that wouldn't come. His indrawn breath turning to the sharp clench of desire as Han pushed off from the door and walked over.
Han's grip on his shoulders was hard, the press of his fingers punishing even through a layer of cloth. His mouth on Luke's was possessive, his tongue greedy and demanding answers, still fueled by uncertainty.
When Han pulled back, Luke could see the conflict in Han's eyes. The battle between instinct and reason that Luke knew as well as anyone. The wish to let go. To forget about everything but the present moment. Luke had urged Han to do that once before, but the issues had stayed with them even so.
"You've no idea what it's been like," Han rasped, his eyes never leaving Luke's face.
"I do know," Luke said, his own voice throaty and uneven. "And I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Everything. Not knowing what to do. Dragging you along with me."
"You ain't dragged me anywhere. I've gone where I've wanted to go."
"I didn't mean coming here. I meant... emotionally."
"I know what you meant. My answer's the same."
Luke reached out for a measure of composure, understanding the importance of clearing the last traces of confusion from Han's mind. "I know it doesn't all make sense to you," he said. "I want to make it clear."
"If it makes sense to you, that's enough for me."
Luke pressed a hand to Han's cheek, his palm resting against the darkened shadow of stubble. "It's not enough. Unless you understand it I don't think you're ready to believe it."
"I believe you when you say you're not gonna leave. I believe all that crazy stuff down in the caves," Han said. He pushed Luke's hair aside and kissed the side of his face. "And I believe you know what you want."
Han had moved a hand to the small of Luke's back, rubbing it against Luke's tunic in small, circular motions that raised shivers against Luke's skin, breaking through the fragile layer of calm he'd constructed. "But you don't get how I know."
Han shrugged, but the gesture lacked conviction. "Seems like everything points to you. All that stuff about the prophecy and the end of the Sith. All this time you've been worried that you're not gonna live up to Yoda's expectations. Then this thing about balance comes along. And it's like it all rests on you. I don't see why it's not some great burden."
Of all the things that bothered Han, Luke suspected this wasn't the worst. It was probably the hardest to explain though. "It doesn't rest on me. Or on Leia. We symbolize a change, that's all. An end to a way of thinking that says we can't control our own lives. If people believe that destiny is more powerful than free will they'll end up spending their whole lives trying to avert fate or waiting for it to happen."
"So... you just get on with your life?"
"Exactly. And that's why it's not a burden. If I thought it was it'd defeat the point."
"Which is what?"
The hand that Han had been circling against Luke's back had found its way beneath Luke's tunic, and the tips of fingers now traced the ridges and hollows of Luke's spine. The touch produced chills that skittered across Luke's skin, distracting and tormenting. It was an effort to focus his mind on Han's question. "The balance of the Force is the point, but it's not about intervening to keep it that way. It's about doing the opposite. It's what we were talking about in the caves with Tiriss-elain."
"Avoiding the extremes the Sith and the Jedi went to?" Han asked.
"Yes, sort of." Han's hand had moved from the center of Luke's back to his side, his palm grazing the sensitive skin over Luke's ribcage. Luke breathed out. A long, unsteady breath aimed at bringing his body's responses back under control. "In some ways it's about being passive. That's one of the things Yoda taught me."
"And it's one of the things you ain't," Han stated.
"I mean being passive with the Force. D'you remember in the caves we were talking about the prophecy, and how it was about bringing balance to the Force even when the Jedi thought the Sith were extinct?"
"I remember it made my head spin."
"That makes two of us." Luke grimaced and ran a hand through his hair before resting it back on Han's arm. "It would've been possible for the Jedi to have existed without the Sith and for the Force to have been in balance. It's not a case of it having to be both or neither."
"As long as they didn't try using the Force in the wrong way?"
"That's how I see it. Maybe the Jedi thought they were being passive, but instead they were actively rejecting part of their nature and manipulating the Force to shut off emotions they thought were wrong. It's not about depriving yourself of those emotions, it's about being in harmony with them."
"Yeah, I get what you're saying," Han said. "So does that mean you're in harmony with yours?"
Harmonious wasn't the word Luke would've used to describe his feelings at that exact moment, caught up as they were in the rhythmic caress of Han's hand against his torso. But in the wider picture he could, for maybe the first time in his life, admit that it was true. "Yes," he said.
Han grinned, bent his head to brush his lips across Luke's mouth. "That's a record for you."
He meant the one word answer, but Han's kiss silenced Luke's retort. It was a prolonged, lingering kiss, marked with a vehemence just barely held in check. The touch of restraint was evidence to Luke that Han wanted something more than he'd already told him. When they separated, Luke gazed at Han for a long moment, determined to get to the heart of what Han needed to hear. The problem was he could talk himself round in circles for hours and still not make things any clearer. "In Jira you promised you'd prove to me I was doing the right thing," he said eventually.
"Yeah, but I don't need to now. You've realized it for yourself."
"No, you'd already proved it to me. I just hadn't recognized it."
"You're gonna have to explain that." Han accompanied his words with a slow upward stroke of his hand across Luke's chest, its progress hindered by the bunched up fabric.
"Han, you're..." Luke had been about to say that Han needed to stop what he was doing if he wanted any form of intelligibility from Luke, but Han had already removed his hand. Instead, he'd turned his attention to the fasteners of Luke's tunic.
"I'm what?" Han murmured, his lips locating the space between Luke's collar and his jaw.
"You're making it difficult."
"I'm listening. Just carry on."
"You not listening isn't the problem."
Han looked up, a grin lifting the corners of his mouth. "You're a Jedi - you can concentrate on more 'n one thing at a time."
"It depends on the things," Luke admitted, attempting to suppress another shiver as Han slid his hands inside the opened tunic. Dealing single-handedly with an entire army of stormtroopers whilst having a conversation with Threepio would probably seem easier in comparison.
"Tell me what I already proved to you," Han said, running the tip of a finger along the hollow beneath Luke's ribs.
Luke wrapped a hand around Han's arm to steady himself, wondering how much longer he could continue to stand upright. "You made me face up to the way I felt. If you hadn't said anything, I'd never have tried to deal with it."
"Some people say ignorance is bliss."
"Maybe. In my case I was just hiding from it because it brought up difficult issues. Accepting how I feel is at the heart of everything."
Han kissed him just below the collar-bone, then stopped to look at him again. "But that ain't the same thing as knowing those feelings are right."
"No." Luke grasped hold of one of Han's roaming hands in an effort to hold onto his concentration. "But I know they're right because they feel right. You told me once that maybe things are as simple as trusting my feelings and at the time I couldn't agree with you. I guess because I didn't think I knew enough to trust myself. The thing is, it's not about knowing - it's just about feeling. It really is as simple as that."
"I'm still not with you. Your father must've felt something similar for your mother."
Luke reached behind him, aiming for the hard support of the transparisteel shield. He shuffled back a pace so he could lean against it. Han moved with him without relinquishing his hold on Luke, but Luke reflected that at least he couldn't fall over now.
"Yes, I'm sure he did. His feelings for her weren't the real problem though. It was because the Jedi Code made him believe they were wrong. What he felt went against the Code so it became a huge conflict for him. Once you start thinking something's wrong you start looking for ways to deal with it. Like secrecy, and denial, and searching for answers in the wrong places."
"I guess that wasn't his fault," Han pointed out. "He'd been taught to believe in the Code."
"I know. And I keep imaging all those years of fighting. The Clone Wars, and probably hundreds of other battles too. You know what it's been like for us. Then there must've been the pressure of being the Chosen One. They'd called him that from when he was a child, so he'd lived most of his life knowing what they wanted him to do. It's not surprising I picked up so many negative emotions. Not just hate and anger - it was mostly hurt and confusion. And betrayal. But during all of that something good happened to him. He fell in love."
"Only it wasn't good. Not according to the Jedi."
"But it should've been. It should've been wonderful. Maybe parts of it were, but it was always going to be overshadowed by who he was and what was expected of him."
"So that's why he turned?"
"I doubt it was the only reason, but it must've been a part of it. And he must've struggled with it by himself because who could he have turned to for advice? Obi-Wan? The Jedi Council? All they would've done was repeat the Code and tell him where his responsibilities lay. I had some of that myself from Yoda."
"D'you think Ben and Yoda ever realized?"
"About where the Jedi went wrong?"
"Yeah. They had long enough to think about it."
Luke nodded slowly. "I think Yoda had realized it right at the end, but I get the feeling the Code was a huge part of who he was. I'm sure he still believed in it, and I'm not saying it's wrong. Just that people are individuals. Once you start telling them how they should feel or think there are bound to be problems. It's true that it's all about feelings, but it's not about trying to twist those feelings into something that fits with the rules."
"What about Ben?"
"I'm not sure. I always knew he wanted me to kill Vader, although he never said that directly. Somehow I just knew that wasn't the answer and it wasn't only to do with him being my father. I know now that if I'd killed him I would've been continuing that tradition shown in the caves. It wouldn't have made any difference if I thought I was doing it for the Jedi or for some other reason."
"Maybe Ben assumed you'd do that 'cause he believed in the prophecy. Perhaps he thought the Jedi had made a mistake and you were meant to destroy the Sith."
"I don't know. But I think he understood everything afterwards. At the Ewok party."
"When they appeared to you?"
Luke nodded. "I also think that's why they've never come back. Because they knew what I'd done and why I'd done it."
"They've left you alone 'cause they knew things had to change," Han said.
"And I've been lucky. I've not had to grow up with the Code. I've not been surrounded by other Jedi who've managed to adapt to the rules."
Han stared at him. "You've had to face a helluva lot worse. I dunno if I'd call it lucky."
"There were a few bad moments."
"Only you could think of it that way."
"It's in the past now. I've got my whole future ahead of me."
There was the slightest trace of hesitation before Han spoke. "So is it lookin' good?"
Luke smiled. "Yeah. It's looking very good." He dragged Han a little closer. "Not sure about the present though."
A puzzled frown creased Han's brow. "What's wrong?"
"If I have to talk any more about the Jedi I'll be doing it in my sleep. Feels like all I've done for hours." Luke slipped his arm a little further around Han. "I've spent all this time missing you, and here I am, still talking about the Jedi."
Han skimmed a row of kisses across Luke's forehead. "Well, I've got a suggestion."
"What?"
"Just shut up for a while." Han's mouth came down on Luke's again, but this time all traces of caution and insecurity had vanished, leaving in its place something focused and intent. Luke couldn't stop his answering groan, every nerve in his body set on edge by the single-minded concentration of Han's kiss. The sound came from that newly-revealed place inside him, where all his discoveries had laid his feelings bare, free of misconceptions and artificial boundaries. And when they pulled apart, Luke knew that Han had seen that place. He knew it by the way Han's eyes traveled over his face, and how Han's narrowed gaze pierced right though him, unmasking all that visceral need and wanting.
"Just tell me one more thing," Han said.
"What d'you want to know?"
"When you talk about the future, am I a part of that?"
"Surely you know-"
"Just wanna make certain," Han interrupted.
"Han," Luke said, his fingers closing over the hem of Han's shirt, "I can't even think of a future without you. Being with you is essential to me. Like..." Luke shook his head, struggling to put into words the commitment Han was asking for.
"Like what?"
"Like... breathing."
Han stared back at him, thrown into silence by Luke's words. The dancing shadows of the asteroids wove across the room, causing patterns of darkness and light to roll across Han's face. It gave Luke a peculiar sense of disconnection, as though part of Han was hiding behind those patches of shade. Luke had the sudden impulse to shut themselves away. To eliminate every intrusive diversion to leave the two of them completely alone. "Close the shutters," he whispered.
Left only with the soft illumination from the glowpanel, the room lost its distractions. There was just Han, every shade of emotion on his face clearly visible as he walked back to Luke. He didn't say anything, but the gaze that swept over Luke revealed that the significance of Luke's request was not lost on Han. When Han thrust the edges of Luke's tunic apart, his hands finding Luke's body again, it made Luke's skin crawl with anticipation. And when Han's mouth fastened on Luke's throat, and his lips moved along Luke's collar bone, the fervor of his touch raised prickles of perspiration across Luke's skin.
Luke closed his eyes, all his responses centering on Han's palm, which stroked across his middle with knowing pressure. He heard himself moan when Han replaced his hand with his lips and marked a path of kisses across his abdomen and chest, the heat of them burning into his skin and making Luke shudder with need. When Han's lips closed over a nipple, the sting of teeth drew a sharp gasp from Luke's lips and wrenched his eyes open, something wild and reckless uncoiling within him.
It made him tug at Han's shirt, working it loose enough to reach bare skin. Han's flesh was hot beneath his hands, and the reflexive flutter of muscle an enticement to grip Han's hips, dragging their bodies together. Luke could feel the hard insistence of Han's erection pressing into him, and it turned his breathing erratic.
Han's response was to grind his hips into Luke and to crush his lips against Luke's, his words a hoarse demand. "Come to bed."
It was all Luke could do to nod, and he wasn't sure how either of them would've made it across the room if they hadn't hauled each other there. Trying to take Han's clothes off, Luke wondered how he'd managed to lose control of half his faculties, and how he'd turned into someone so inept he could hardly cope with Han's blaster belt. And then Han pushed him down onto the mattress and crawled across him, straddling his hips. Pinned his arms above his head and murmured in his ear, "Gonna make you feel so good."
It brought a sharp rush of heat to the surface of his skin to see the way Han looked at him, absorbing all of Luke's responses as his fingertips mapped out the contours of Luke's body. When Han rubbed his thumbs across Luke's nipples he watched Luke writhe, his hooded gaze grown dark and heavy with desire.
Luke could feel himself, hard and inflamed, slick with arousal, and as Han's hand closed around his erection he choked out words that made no sense. Han answered with a husky growl from low in his throat, closing his mouth over Luke's and silencing him with a long, fierce kiss. Afterwards, Han slid his lips beneath Luke's jaw and across his neck, then moved down Luke's body with fixed purpose, igniting nerve-endings everywhere he touched.
When Han took him in his mouth Luke bit down hard on his lower lip, fighting for control, a choked gasp escaping regardless. And then his hands were clutching at Han's hair and at the sheet beneath him, trying to hold on to both his stability and his self-control. But Han was relentless, and Luke heard his own groans permeate the air with an erratic rhythm that his hips were trying to match, prevented only by the grip Han had on him. Han was holding him tightly and pushing him hard against the mattress, and Luke was close to losing himself in the demanding warmth of Han's mouth.
But then, when Luke was right on the brink, Han pulled away, leaving him shaky and breathless, aching and disoriented. Han left a hand resting on Luke's hip, his fingers stroking a rhythm against his flesh, a soothing apology that did little to calm Luke's agitation. He used his knees to nudge Luke's legs apart then moved down further, making Luke's breath catch in his lungs and his body tense up with new awareness. Han went slowly, using lingering touches of his tongue to drag involuntary moans from Luke and made him take hard, indrawn breaths that turned him dizzy. Luke couldn't help himself - want and need were coursing through his blood, producing words that came from nowhere and ran together as one long plea for more.
At the very moment Luke knew he was reaching his limits, Han stopped, raising his head and shifting his position between Luke's legs. He placed a kiss on Luke's navel, and smoothed a path with his palm up the inside of Luke's thigh, giving Luke a too-short moment to piece together the remnants of his control. Han was cautious at first, using the tip of a finger in a slowly circling caress that was acutely physical, consoling and disconcerting all at the same time. When Han took things further, the only warning Luke had was the sudden, firm hold Han took of his hip. Luke felt his whole body twist in reaction as Han pushed two fingers inside him.
He didn't know if he'd said anything. Couldn't tell if the harsh sounds he'd heard had come from his own lips or from Han's. The discomfort was fleeting, but the sensations were intense, too much and yet not enough. Luke tried to move but Han held him down to keep him still, moving his fingers inside him with a slow, stroking deliberation that made Luke's breath come in rapid, shallow gasps.
And maybe Luke could have handled the sharp burn of pleasure if Han had continued to touch him that way, but Luke had drifted too far from his ability to think, dominated by the craving for more. Whatever words he'd used provoked a string of muttered curses from Han, silenced only when Han dipped his head to slide his lips down the length of Luke's erection. When Han pressed harder with the fingers he'd curled inside Luke, his sensations went into overload, and Luke could do nothing more than utter a strangled cry as his climax tore through him.
And then Han was kissing him furiously, too tense and desperate to give Luke even a moment to recover. He ground his hips into Luke's and wrapped an arm around him as he thrust against him. It took all Luke's strength to drag himself back from the dazed stupor that had taken him over, and he rolled Han onto his back, placing a hand flat against his chest to soothe him. But there wasn't time to calm Han down, and every touch of Luke's just wound him up further. Luke moved quickly, wrapping a hand around the base of Han's cock and grazing his lips against Han's length. He breathed in the scent of Han and listened to Han's curses start up again. Opened his mouth and took Han in, feeling Han arch up beneath him. He wanted to go slowly. To build up to a rhythm that kept Han there, lost in the slide of Luke's lips and the caress of the hand that Luke had drawn up between Han's thighs. But Han's hips were bucking fitfully and Luke had to work hard to keep him in place. It took only moments, and then Han was coming hard, a long, harsh groan in his throat and a hand twisting in Luke's hair.
Luke lay there with his head on Han's chest, feeling the thrum of Han's heartbeat against his cheek. Gradually it slowed to a steadier beat, and the fingers that had tangled in his hair relaxed. Luke searched for Han's other had, found it and linked his fingers in with Han's.
"What you wanted... I couldn't do it now," Han said, his voice gruff. "We need something for that."
Luke shifted up, smiled at Han, realizing what it was he'd demanded when he couldn't contain his words. "I know. Good job we've got lots of other opportunities ahead of us."
Han grinned at him. "Yeah. C'mere a minute." Han moved his hand to the back of Luke's neck, pulled him into a kiss.
"Y'know," Han said, after they'd broken the kiss, "you still haven't told me what your plans are. Are you gonna stay with the Rogues?"
Luke nodded. "Yes. I'm going to carry on doing what I've been doing for the moment."
"No Jedi Council?"
"Definitely no Jedi Council. That's part of the past. I'm not gonna try reinventing myself as a Jedi from the Old Republic."
"That explains the cloak."
"What?"
"You didn't wanna wear your cloak earlier on," Han elaborated.
"Oh... no. Whenever I wore it I felt like I was trying to turn myself into someone else. And wherever I go people expect me to wear it because that's what a Jedi does. It feels like a symbol of the past, and I want to break with that, at least for a while."
"So people'll have to get used to seein' you without it."
"Yes, they will."
"What about the training? Yoda tellin' you to pass it on?"
"That's what I need to sort out. It's something I want to do, but not in the formal way the Jedi used to do it. That seems wrong to me. From what I can gather they took them to Coruscant as young children. Separated them from their mothers and fathers because overcoming their loneliness and fear was part of their training."
"It must've been hard on them," Han said.
"That was probably the point. It's easier to teach children to obey the rules. Then when they're old enough to question them they're so much a part of who they are that it's almost impossible to shake free of them. I remember Yoda telling me I was too old to begin the training and he was right in a sense. I never did learn to obey the rules."
"It's like I've always told you - you're just difficult."
Luke threw him a grin. "I'm probably making the Jedi sound harsh, but I don't mean to. I don't know enough about them to make any kind of judgment, only that their way feels too extreme to me."
"Yeah, well there are extremes and there are extremes," Han said pointedly.
"Is that supposed to have some deep meaning?"
"Just thinkin' about some of the things you like."
"Like what?"
Han shrugged. "I dunno. The things you drink."
Luke laughed. "The things I drink? What, like water? Engine oil? Sandbat venom?"
"Redgrain spirit," Han pronounced, a clear note of 'I told you so' in his voice.
"Oh, right. So what about who I sleep with? Another extreme?"
"Nah - perfectly normal."
"Of course. I'm extreme and you're completely balanced. That's what I thought when I first met you."
Han smirked. "You're a good judge of character. Seriously though, you're not extreme in other ways."
"That's something then," Luke remarked. "What ways do you mean?"
"You always see both sides to somethin' and you keep your mind open to every point of view. That's why you're here and the Jedi aren't."
"I can only do what feels right for me." Pass on what you have learned... "I used to think Yoda meant me to reconstruct the ways of the Jedi. Now I think he meant something else. It's not the old ways I'm meant to be passing on, just my understanding of the Force, and what it means to be a Jedi."
"D'you think there are others out there?"
"You mean like me?"
"Yeah. Maybe they don't know what it is they've got."
When gone am I, the last of the Jedi will you be... "I don't know, but I'd like to find out. I'm trying to work out a way to do it."
"Well if you want any help..."
Luke planted a kiss on Han's lips. "I was kind of hoping you'd say that." He leaned in further for a long, slow kiss that left him wondering if he really needed to sleep that night. But then again, he didn't know how impressed the Polis Massan medical team would be with a pilot who spent half the flight yawning.
"What about your mother?" Han asked. "Now you know who she was, are you gonna find out more?"
"Yes. There's a lot more Senator Danu can tell me and I'm sure Mon Mothma remembers stuff too." Luke propped himself up on one elbow and studied Han. "There is something I'd really like to do."
"What?"
"I want to go to Naboo. It's where she came from."
Han touched a hand to his arm. "Then we'll go to Naboo."
***
The soft tap on the door woke Han immediately. He didn't need to lie there wondering how long the person had been there, because some reflexes never died. Maybe it was down to the kind of life he'd led, but for as long as could remember he'd slept with one ear open, listening for potential trouble. He had no idea of the time, and couldn't imagine what anyone could want from him, but whoever it was had no intention of going away. Han grimaced at the second tap, and rubbed a fist against his eyes, trying to clear his mind of the residual fog of sleep.
Luke hadn't stirred, though Han suspected some subconscious instinct would've torn Luke from the bed if there'd been the slightest hint of a threat. On Polis Massa that was an unlikely scenario. Luke's left arm lay heavily across Han's chest and he'd buried his face in the gap between Han's chin and his shoulder. Carefully, Han released himself from Luke's embrace, determined to avoid waking Luke if possible. Luke made a soft noise like a sigh of protest, but didn't open his eyes. Han planted a kiss on the top of his head and slid from the bed.
He sorted through the wreckage of clothing on the floor, finding his pants and shoving his arms into his crumpled shirt. He spotted his chrono in amongst the pile and retrieved it, scowling at the time it displayed. He rubbed a hand across his face again and pressed the door panel to activate the door.
Senator Danu stood outside, for once looking less than immaculate in hastily snatched robes, and with the dark emergence of stubble shadowing his chin. Han looked at him in surprise.
"I apologize for my intrusion," Danu said. "Something's happened that you need to know about."
Han stepped into the corridor, moving away from the opened door so as not to disturb Luke. "What's goin' on? Something's happened here?"
Danu shook his head. "Not here. Que-raik received a communication from Arudin and came to find me. It was Mon Mothma."
Something cold and heavy settled in the pit of Han's stomach. There was no HoloNet communicator on Polis Massa, so for Mon Mothma to take the trouble to reach the Senator in the middle of the night using sub-space relays implied a level of severity that was unlikely to mean good news.
"Leia?"
"No," Danu said quickly. "She's okay. It's nothing like that. No-one's injured or ill."
Han swallowed his relief. There were plenty of other problems it could be. An Imperial assault or major galactic uprising... "What is it then?"
Danu hesitated. "Luke needs to hear this too. I went to his room, but only his droid is there. I thought he might be with you."
Han stared at him, a strange feeling growing inside him that something in their lives was about to turn upside down. "Yeah, he's here. Gimme a minute to wake him up?"
"Of course."
Han sat down on the bed and stroked the hair back from Luke's face. "Luke."
Luke smiled, his eyes still closed, and reached for Han's hand. "It can't be morning already," he muttered, half asleep.
"It's the middle of the night. You've gotta wake up."
Something in his voice must've got through to Luke, because Luke's eyes flew open, confusion flashing through them in the brief moments before concern took over. "What's wrong?"
"I dunno yet. Danu's outside the door. Mon Mothma's just got hold of him. He wants to speak to you."
Luke sat up quickly, all traces of sleepiness vanished. "Has he told you anything? Do you know-"
Han interrupted him. "It's not Leia. As far as I know, everyone's okay." He reached down to the floor and grabbed Luke's clothes. "Here."
While Luke was getting dressed Han went to let the Senator in. He adjusted the glowpanel to give a brighter pool of light in the center of the room. The walls remained in shadow.
"Sorry to drag you out of bed," Danu said to Luke. "Did Han explain that Mon Mothma has contacted me?"
Luke nodded. "Yes." He attempted to fasten his tunic, but gave it up when the fasteners wouldn't co-operate. "Has something happened on Arudin?"
"Not exactly. It's more widespread than that."
"Imperials?"
"The information stems from them. I'm sorry, because this isn't going to be easy."
"You'd better just tells us straight out," Han said, noticing how his sense of an approaching crisis had grown much stronger. If the expression on Luke's face was anything to go by, Luke was experiencing a similar presentiment.
"It transpires that the Emperor kept a personal databank, separate from the main Imperial archives. In it are details of everyone and everything that might have served some purpose to him," Danu explained. "Its existence has just come to light."
"It was found on Coruscant?" Han asked.
"Yes. So it's still in the hands of those who wish us harm. And they've chosen to broadcast certain facts."
"Vader," Luke said. His voice was flat and his face expressionless. Han moved up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, knowing as well as Luke did what was coming next.
Danu inclined his head. "Yes, Vader. It started with a transmission from a small station sympathetic to the Imperial cause. Some of the major channels have picked up the story already." Danu took a deep breath and settled his gaze on Luke. "It reveals the true identity of Darth Vader. And that of his son."
Luke was the first to break the long moment of silence, and Han marveled at how calm he sounded. "What about Leia?"
"There's been no mention of her," Danu said. "If that information was in the Emperor's databank, I'm sure the Imperials would've made it public."
"It won't be in there," Luke said. "The Emperor only found out about Leia a few minutes before his death."
"How many people know about this?" Han asked. He knew the question was pointless even as he asked it. The news was the biggest thing to break since the death of Palpatine. Even the tiniest whispers took mere days to travel the length and breadth of the galaxy.
"It's spreading fast," Danu confirmed. "Mon Mothma wants to make a public statement. But she wants Luke to be there with her."
Luke nodded slowly but didn't speak. Han tightened his hold on Luke's shoulder and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. "We need to get back there then," he said. His throat felt dry and constricted, making his voice hoarse.
Danu nodded. "You take Luke on your ship. You can make the flight in half the time the cruiser can. I'll stay here and sort things out with the Polis Massans. I'm sure they can find a pilot to take me and Sheni-dain's team back to Arudin."
"If they still want to go," Luke added.
"Oh, they will," Danu said.
When the Senator had gone, Han and Luke stood there in silence just looking at each other. It was impossible for Han to determine Luke's reaction, and even if Luke had explained in depth, Han knew he couldn't come close to imagining how it must feel.
They'd known it had to happen one day, but they'd wanted to break the news themselves. In the hands of those who considered Luke their greatest enemy, who knew what damage it had already done.
Han moved across to Luke, placed his hands on Luke's shoulders. "We can do whatever you wanna do. Just let me know."
"I want to get back there as quickly as possible. Leia won't rest until we're home. And if anyone finds out we're here, well, you know what'll happen."
Han nodded. "The place'll be overrun with news scavengers before we can blink."
"It wouldn't be fair on the Polis Massans."
"It'd be hard for 'em, but it wouldn't be your fault. Besides, I think this is one place we can count on for support."
"Yes, but I'd rather not force them into giving it before they're ready."
"We'll get going as soon as you want. We can be back in less than forty-eight hours."
"You know there'll be ships ten deep in orbit round Arudin?"
"Hey, a few ships ain't gonna faze me. I know a few maneuvers, remember."
In the circumstances, Luke's attempt at a grin was passable. "Yeah, I know."
Han lifted a hand and held it against Luke's cheek. "You won't be facing this by yourself. You'll have a lot of support."
"Being seen with me will make life difficult for you. There'll always be people who won't understand."
"You think you haven't already made my life difficult? One more thing ain't gonna make much difference."
Luke gave a quiet laugh. "I guess not."
Han pulled Luke to him, wrapped his arms around him. "We'll sort it out, however long it takes. And whatever happens, I'm gonna be there with you."
"What if it takes forever?"
"Then you'll be stuck with me forever, won't you?"
Luke smiled, and the light of happiness stole across his face and into his eyes. "Yes, I suppose I will."
~End~
Author: Caryn B
Fandom: Star Wars (film canon only - see notes)
Timeline: 6 months after RotJ
Pairing: Luke/Han, slash
Rating: NC-17 overall; this chapter NC-17
Warnings: None
The list of chapters is here
Chapter 23
They walked back from the medcenter in near silence. Luke was aware of Han's occasional glances, full of unasked questions and renewed uncertainty. He wasn't sure why that insecurity had returned, because nothing had happened that could change Luke's feelings for Han.
He wanted to stop, right there in the corridor, and make it clear that there was no cause for concern, but there were too many distractions. The round-the-clock shifts operating in Polis Massa's mines left no quiet time of day, and even though the Polis Massans were silent by nature, the corridors were noisy with the clatter of heavy gravity boots.
There were no free seats on the repulsor-car they caught, and the crush on board left Han and Luke standing at opposite ends of the vehicle. Luke gripped the overhead bar and steadied himself against the lurch of the transport as it wound its way through the settlement hub. He watched the asteroid field, almost close enough to touch, and wondered what his mother had made of this place. Had she known anything of its strange secrets, or surmised the role she was playing in events foretold thousands of years before she'd even lived? Whatever she'd deduced, she'd known enough to understand the hold that belief in destiny had over others.
Padmé. A founder of the Rebel Alliance who'd chosen to die because she knew... something. She'd looked for an answer and she'd found one, right at the end. Her death had been more than a last act against the darkness that had taken over his father. More than a protective shield thrown around her children. She'd known it was the right choice with a degree of certainty that should've been impossible, but Luke had learned by now not to throw that word around so readily. His mother had been a Senator, not a Jedi, yet in those last minutes of life she'd forged a link with Luke and Leia that went beyond the obvious.
Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us... Both Ben and Yoda had talked of the Force as an energy field created by life, but also as a power that partially directed the actions of those who could feel it. Whatever role the Force had played in his mother's life, Luke had sensed no element of coercion or control. He'd felt only harmony. It could've represented his mother's last conscious emotion, but Luke thought it went deeper than that. He believed that somehow, through the Force, his mother had glimpsed the future, and it had given her the strength to stand by her decision.
"We can stay on if you want," Han said, his voice an amused murmur in Luke's left ear.
Surprised, Luke turned his head, noticing how the transport had emptied of all but a few stragglers making their way to the perimeter of the settlement. Outside was the familiar corridor of the guest suite.
Luke grinned. "I guess I wasn't paying attention." Again. It was getting to be a habit, he thought, as he followed Han to the exit ramp.
Luke stopped outside the door to his room. There was a short moment of silence while he searched his pockets for the entry card.
"It's been a long day," Han said. "You probably wanna get some sleep."
"I need to check on Artoo. He still worries when I'm gone for longer than a couple of hours." Luke produced the card and slid it into the door panel. "And I want to ask him something," he added.
"Sure. Do whatever you wanna do."
Luke studied him for a moment, not taken in by Han's studied casualness. The uncertainty he'd noticed earlier was still there and Luke's reply had made it worse. "Just to make it clear - no, I'm not tired, and no, I don't want to get some sleep," he explained, his slow smile sparking relief in Han's eyes. "Unless that's what you want to do."
Han grinned. "Ain't the first thing on my mind."
"I won't be long then."
"Right." Han's tone was full of skepticism. "Want me to come in?"
"No - it'll be easier if I speak to him alone. He's a bit touchy over all this."
"He's a droid. He's not supposed to be touchy."
Luke shrugged. "Try telling him that."
"It's probably all those years of hangin' around with Goldenrod. That'd drive anyone round the twist."
Han set off down the corridor in the direction of his room and Luke watched him, reluctant to look away. Just as Luke was about to place a hand on the door panel Han stopped and turned round. Luke smiled, caught out in his appraisal.
Han's grin returned. "You'll take even longer if you don't get in there."
"Probably," Luke said, wondering how it was that desire had the ability to root his feet to the spot. He'd kept it in check all evening, but now it felt like he couldn't cope for even a few more moments. Of course, if he didn't let Artoo know he was okay then the droid would come looking for him instead. The thought provided the impetus he needed to turn away.
Artoo greeted him with the now-customary complaints, offset with a degree of relief that ought to have been incompatible with droid programming. In fact, Luke had never met a droid who wasn't temperamental. Even the Treadwell on Tatooine had grown impatient and bad-tempered when called on to repair the same vaporators day in and day out.
Luke sat down on the bed and waited until Artoo had trundled across to him. "Listen Artoo. There's something I want to explain. Something you need to know about me."
Artoo beeped, sounding wary.
"No, it's nothing to worry about. It's just that I get the impression you think I'm gonna disappear one day. And I think I know why."
Artoo gave an anxious chirrup, his dome rotating slowly.
"Maybe you've been programmed not to tell me, or maybe you haven't. But I know you remember things from before I was born. I know you were here on Polis Massa with my mother, although I don't know what your connection was. Maybe it was Obi-Wan? On Tatooine you claimed to have been his property."
Luke wondered why he'd never thought to question Artoo in detail. At the time he'd assumed the purported ownership by Obi-Wan Kenobi was a ruse. But even if Artoo hadn't belonged to Ben he'd certainly known him. And if he'd known Ben, then he must also have known Anakin Skywalker.
Artoo had stilled, listening to Luke's words. The lights on his dome flickered on and off in slow repetition but he made no form of reply. Luke wasn't anticipating an answer tonight. He'd been with Artoo for close on five years and the droid had never so much as hinted that he'd known of Luke's existence before the Jawa sandcrawler had arrived at the Lars homestead. The reasons behind that remained hidden away, deep inside Artoo's circuits, and attempts to unearth it too fast were bound to backfire. And Artoo was stubborn. Luke still remembered the problems over Leia's hologram to Ben.
"Whatever your reasons for being there, I'm sure you knew my father. And I think you knew he became Darth Vader. It explains so many of your reactions. You'd seen something of what the Emperor had done to him and that's why you were so anxious on Endor when you found out where I'd gone. I guess you wondered if I'd be following in my father's footsteps and staying with the Emperor."
Artoo broke his silence with a low whistle that sounded almost like an apology. His lights blinked rapidly, reminiscent of his distress in Sheni-dain's laboratory.
Luke reached out and touched Artoo's dome. "It doesn't matter. I don't blame you if that's what you thought. It must've been a difficult time for you, especially as everything to do with the Jedi and the Sith points to history repeating itself. That's what I want to explain. That it doesn't always work like that. It's only inevitable if you believe there's no other option."
Luke took a deep breath and flexed his shoulders, suddenly weary despite his denial to Han. He stood up and walked across the room, hearing the whirr of Artoo turning to follow his progress. "You might think I'm like my father, and I'm sure you're right in some ways. And maybe you heard Yoda say it too. Honestly, I can't even say how true it is. I never knew him - not in the real sense. But I did see certain things about him, and that's why I know I'm not like him. Not deep down inside."
Luke moved back towards Artoo and crouched down in front of him. "And that's why I'm never going to go where he went."
Artoo made a series of soft beeps and Luke smiled back at him. "I'm guilty of talking myself into thinking all sorts of things and it's taken me a while to be certain. There's no danger I'm going to disappear. When I go off somewhere without you, you can count on me coming back."
Luke stood back up, hoping he'd set Artoo back on track towards regaining his former confident self. The droid was renowned for being independent and strong-willed, but he'd suffered, along with the rest of them, in the aftermath of Endor.
"I'm going to talk to Han now," Luke explained. "I don't know how long I'll be. Then tomorrow we're setting off back to Arudin."
For the first time in months, Artoo didn't protest against Luke's plans and Luke took that as a good sign. If he'd managed to reassure Artoo in just one short conversation, then maybe it wouldn't take Artoo much longer before he felt able to broach the past. Luke was convinced that inside Artoo lay a lifetime of secrets just waiting to come out.
***
When Han let the door to his room slide open he looked bleary-eyed, as if he'd fallen asleep waiting for Luke. It had been a long day for him too, Luke reflected, regardless of the flight and time differences. It was the emotional drain of too much information and too many discoveries. Luke understood - his entire visit to Polis Massa had been like that.
Que-raik had given Han a room in an adjoining corridor with a transparent shield-wall that gave onto the asteroid field. Han had told Luke during the meal that the Administrator had apologized for the room, but that no other internal rooms were suitable. Luke wondered if the Polis Massans believed their guests would rather have isolation than a view into space, but in truth Luke would've preferred Han's room. Han had left the steel shutters open, allowing the endlessly spinning asteroids to cast their twisting, dark shadows across the walls. There was something mesmerizing about them, just as there was in staring through the shield watching the fragments of rock circling past.
Luke wandered across to gaze through the transparisteel wall. Han had noted that everything about the place seemed crazy, and he wasn't far wrong. There was something unsettling about looking out directly into space with no atmosphere to separate them from the vacuum. It ought to have felt like being in a ship, but the odd sensation bore no resemblance to that. And although Han's room was much less claustrophobic in the traditional sense, it still made Luke feel vaguely trapped. The overall atmosphere of Polis Massa was most likely responsible for that.
"Did you get everythin' sorted with Artoo?" Han asked.
Luke turned to reply but the words died in his throat before he could utter them. Han was leaning back against the door, his arms folded and his eyes fixed on Luke with an intensity that reached out across the room. It was almost tangible. A heat that fluttered across Luke's skin and settled inside him inside him like the sharp ache of hunger. Maybe Han had never revealed before just how deep his feelings ran, or maybe Luke hadn't allowed himself to recognize the full extent of them. But now they were there to be seen, overt and unmistakable, etched across Han's face and simmering in the darkened gaze that locked on Luke and pinned him in place.
Han's searching stare seemed to strip away the layers of doubt that had left them both wary. There'd always been that caution in the back of Luke's mind. The one that had warned him against hurting Han and destroying the balance of friendship and happiness that existed between them. It had run alongside his feelings for Han, not diminishing them, but burying them beneath a layer of guilt and self-recrimination. And Han had known that, consciously drawing away just a little, allowing Luke the space he thought Luke had needed.
But all those voices that had tried to counter what Luke had known deep inside had vanished now, leaving his emotions exposed and open. It was unsettling and disturbing in its newness. Like ripping away a security blanket, only to discover that its sole purpose had been to smother. It left him confronting the reality of need with all its rough edges and raw power.
"Luke."
It was just one word. Only his name. But Han's low, guttural tone gave everything away. Luke held out a hand, still searching for words that wouldn't come. His indrawn breath turning to the sharp clench of desire as Han pushed off from the door and walked over.
Han's grip on his shoulders was hard, the press of his fingers punishing even through a layer of cloth. His mouth on Luke's was possessive, his tongue greedy and demanding answers, still fueled by uncertainty.
When Han pulled back, Luke could see the conflict in Han's eyes. The battle between instinct and reason that Luke knew as well as anyone. The wish to let go. To forget about everything but the present moment. Luke had urged Han to do that once before, but the issues had stayed with them even so.
"You've no idea what it's been like," Han rasped, his eyes never leaving Luke's face.
"I do know," Luke said, his own voice throaty and uneven. "And I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Everything. Not knowing what to do. Dragging you along with me."
"You ain't dragged me anywhere. I've gone where I've wanted to go."
"I didn't mean coming here. I meant... emotionally."
"I know what you meant. My answer's the same."
Luke reached out for a measure of composure, understanding the importance of clearing the last traces of confusion from Han's mind. "I know it doesn't all make sense to you," he said. "I want to make it clear."
"If it makes sense to you, that's enough for me."
Luke pressed a hand to Han's cheek, his palm resting against the darkened shadow of stubble. "It's not enough. Unless you understand it I don't think you're ready to believe it."
"I believe you when you say you're not gonna leave. I believe all that crazy stuff down in the caves," Han said. He pushed Luke's hair aside and kissed the side of his face. "And I believe you know what you want."
Han had moved a hand to the small of Luke's back, rubbing it against Luke's tunic in small, circular motions that raised shivers against Luke's skin, breaking through the fragile layer of calm he'd constructed. "But you don't get how I know."
Han shrugged, but the gesture lacked conviction. "Seems like everything points to you. All that stuff about the prophecy and the end of the Sith. All this time you've been worried that you're not gonna live up to Yoda's expectations. Then this thing about balance comes along. And it's like it all rests on you. I don't see why it's not some great burden."
Of all the things that bothered Han, Luke suspected this wasn't the worst. It was probably the hardest to explain though. "It doesn't rest on me. Or on Leia. We symbolize a change, that's all. An end to a way of thinking that says we can't control our own lives. If people believe that destiny is more powerful than free will they'll end up spending their whole lives trying to avert fate or waiting for it to happen."
"So... you just get on with your life?"
"Exactly. And that's why it's not a burden. If I thought it was it'd defeat the point."
"Which is what?"
The hand that Han had been circling against Luke's back had found its way beneath Luke's tunic, and the tips of fingers now traced the ridges and hollows of Luke's spine. The touch produced chills that skittered across Luke's skin, distracting and tormenting. It was an effort to focus his mind on Han's question. "The balance of the Force is the point, but it's not about intervening to keep it that way. It's about doing the opposite. It's what we were talking about in the caves with Tiriss-elain."
"Avoiding the extremes the Sith and the Jedi went to?" Han asked.
"Yes, sort of." Han's hand had moved from the center of Luke's back to his side, his palm grazing the sensitive skin over Luke's ribcage. Luke breathed out. A long, unsteady breath aimed at bringing his body's responses back under control. "In some ways it's about being passive. That's one of the things Yoda taught me."
"And it's one of the things you ain't," Han stated.
"I mean being passive with the Force. D'you remember in the caves we were talking about the prophecy, and how it was about bringing balance to the Force even when the Jedi thought the Sith were extinct?"
"I remember it made my head spin."
"That makes two of us." Luke grimaced and ran a hand through his hair before resting it back on Han's arm. "It would've been possible for the Jedi to have existed without the Sith and for the Force to have been in balance. It's not a case of it having to be both or neither."
"As long as they didn't try using the Force in the wrong way?"
"That's how I see it. Maybe the Jedi thought they were being passive, but instead they were actively rejecting part of their nature and manipulating the Force to shut off emotions they thought were wrong. It's not about depriving yourself of those emotions, it's about being in harmony with them."
"Yeah, I get what you're saying," Han said. "So does that mean you're in harmony with yours?"
Harmonious wasn't the word Luke would've used to describe his feelings at that exact moment, caught up as they were in the rhythmic caress of Han's hand against his torso. But in the wider picture he could, for maybe the first time in his life, admit that it was true. "Yes," he said.
Han grinned, bent his head to brush his lips across Luke's mouth. "That's a record for you."
He meant the one word answer, but Han's kiss silenced Luke's retort. It was a prolonged, lingering kiss, marked with a vehemence just barely held in check. The touch of restraint was evidence to Luke that Han wanted something more than he'd already told him. When they separated, Luke gazed at Han for a long moment, determined to get to the heart of what Han needed to hear. The problem was he could talk himself round in circles for hours and still not make things any clearer. "In Jira you promised you'd prove to me I was doing the right thing," he said eventually.
"Yeah, but I don't need to now. You've realized it for yourself."
"No, you'd already proved it to me. I just hadn't recognized it."
"You're gonna have to explain that." Han accompanied his words with a slow upward stroke of his hand across Luke's chest, its progress hindered by the bunched up fabric.
"Han, you're..." Luke had been about to say that Han needed to stop what he was doing if he wanted any form of intelligibility from Luke, but Han had already removed his hand. Instead, he'd turned his attention to the fasteners of Luke's tunic.
"I'm what?" Han murmured, his lips locating the space between Luke's collar and his jaw.
"You're making it difficult."
"I'm listening. Just carry on."
"You not listening isn't the problem."
Han looked up, a grin lifting the corners of his mouth. "You're a Jedi - you can concentrate on more 'n one thing at a time."
"It depends on the things," Luke admitted, attempting to suppress another shiver as Han slid his hands inside the opened tunic. Dealing single-handedly with an entire army of stormtroopers whilst having a conversation with Threepio would probably seem easier in comparison.
"Tell me what I already proved to you," Han said, running the tip of a finger along the hollow beneath Luke's ribs.
Luke wrapped a hand around Han's arm to steady himself, wondering how much longer he could continue to stand upright. "You made me face up to the way I felt. If you hadn't said anything, I'd never have tried to deal with it."
"Some people say ignorance is bliss."
"Maybe. In my case I was just hiding from it because it brought up difficult issues. Accepting how I feel is at the heart of everything."
Han kissed him just below the collar-bone, then stopped to look at him again. "But that ain't the same thing as knowing those feelings are right."
"No." Luke grasped hold of one of Han's roaming hands in an effort to hold onto his concentration. "But I know they're right because they feel right. You told me once that maybe things are as simple as trusting my feelings and at the time I couldn't agree with you. I guess because I didn't think I knew enough to trust myself. The thing is, it's not about knowing - it's just about feeling. It really is as simple as that."
"I'm still not with you. Your father must've felt something similar for your mother."
Luke reached behind him, aiming for the hard support of the transparisteel shield. He shuffled back a pace so he could lean against it. Han moved with him without relinquishing his hold on Luke, but Luke reflected that at least he couldn't fall over now.
"Yes, I'm sure he did. His feelings for her weren't the real problem though. It was because the Jedi Code made him believe they were wrong. What he felt went against the Code so it became a huge conflict for him. Once you start thinking something's wrong you start looking for ways to deal with it. Like secrecy, and denial, and searching for answers in the wrong places."
"I guess that wasn't his fault," Han pointed out. "He'd been taught to believe in the Code."
"I know. And I keep imaging all those years of fighting. The Clone Wars, and probably hundreds of other battles too. You know what it's been like for us. Then there must've been the pressure of being the Chosen One. They'd called him that from when he was a child, so he'd lived most of his life knowing what they wanted him to do. It's not surprising I picked up so many negative emotions. Not just hate and anger - it was mostly hurt and confusion. And betrayal. But during all of that something good happened to him. He fell in love."
"Only it wasn't good. Not according to the Jedi."
"But it should've been. It should've been wonderful. Maybe parts of it were, but it was always going to be overshadowed by who he was and what was expected of him."
"So that's why he turned?"
"I doubt it was the only reason, but it must've been a part of it. And he must've struggled with it by himself because who could he have turned to for advice? Obi-Wan? The Jedi Council? All they would've done was repeat the Code and tell him where his responsibilities lay. I had some of that myself from Yoda."
"D'you think Ben and Yoda ever realized?"
"About where the Jedi went wrong?"
"Yeah. They had long enough to think about it."
Luke nodded slowly. "I think Yoda had realized it right at the end, but I get the feeling the Code was a huge part of who he was. I'm sure he still believed in it, and I'm not saying it's wrong. Just that people are individuals. Once you start telling them how they should feel or think there are bound to be problems. It's true that it's all about feelings, but it's not about trying to twist those feelings into something that fits with the rules."
"What about Ben?"
"I'm not sure. I always knew he wanted me to kill Vader, although he never said that directly. Somehow I just knew that wasn't the answer and it wasn't only to do with him being my father. I know now that if I'd killed him I would've been continuing that tradition shown in the caves. It wouldn't have made any difference if I thought I was doing it for the Jedi or for some other reason."
"Maybe Ben assumed you'd do that 'cause he believed in the prophecy. Perhaps he thought the Jedi had made a mistake and you were meant to destroy the Sith."
"I don't know. But I think he understood everything afterwards. At the Ewok party."
"When they appeared to you?"
Luke nodded. "I also think that's why they've never come back. Because they knew what I'd done and why I'd done it."
"They've left you alone 'cause they knew things had to change," Han said.
"And I've been lucky. I've not had to grow up with the Code. I've not been surrounded by other Jedi who've managed to adapt to the rules."
Han stared at him. "You've had to face a helluva lot worse. I dunno if I'd call it lucky."
"There were a few bad moments."
"Only you could think of it that way."
"It's in the past now. I've got my whole future ahead of me."
There was the slightest trace of hesitation before Han spoke. "So is it lookin' good?"
Luke smiled. "Yeah. It's looking very good." He dragged Han a little closer. "Not sure about the present though."
A puzzled frown creased Han's brow. "What's wrong?"
"If I have to talk any more about the Jedi I'll be doing it in my sleep. Feels like all I've done for hours." Luke slipped his arm a little further around Han. "I've spent all this time missing you, and here I am, still talking about the Jedi."
Han skimmed a row of kisses across Luke's forehead. "Well, I've got a suggestion."
"What?"
"Just shut up for a while." Han's mouth came down on Luke's again, but this time all traces of caution and insecurity had vanished, leaving in its place something focused and intent. Luke couldn't stop his answering groan, every nerve in his body set on edge by the single-minded concentration of Han's kiss. The sound came from that newly-revealed place inside him, where all his discoveries had laid his feelings bare, free of misconceptions and artificial boundaries. And when they pulled apart, Luke knew that Han had seen that place. He knew it by the way Han's eyes traveled over his face, and how Han's narrowed gaze pierced right though him, unmasking all that visceral need and wanting.
"Just tell me one more thing," Han said.
"What d'you want to know?"
"When you talk about the future, am I a part of that?"
"Surely you know-"
"Just wanna make certain," Han interrupted.
"Han," Luke said, his fingers closing over the hem of Han's shirt, "I can't even think of a future without you. Being with you is essential to me. Like..." Luke shook his head, struggling to put into words the commitment Han was asking for.
"Like what?"
"Like... breathing."
Han stared back at him, thrown into silence by Luke's words. The dancing shadows of the asteroids wove across the room, causing patterns of darkness and light to roll across Han's face. It gave Luke a peculiar sense of disconnection, as though part of Han was hiding behind those patches of shade. Luke had the sudden impulse to shut themselves away. To eliminate every intrusive diversion to leave the two of them completely alone. "Close the shutters," he whispered.
Left only with the soft illumination from the glowpanel, the room lost its distractions. There was just Han, every shade of emotion on his face clearly visible as he walked back to Luke. He didn't say anything, but the gaze that swept over Luke revealed that the significance of Luke's request was not lost on Han. When Han thrust the edges of Luke's tunic apart, his hands finding Luke's body again, it made Luke's skin crawl with anticipation. And when Han's mouth fastened on Luke's throat, and his lips moved along Luke's collar bone, the fervor of his touch raised prickles of perspiration across Luke's skin.
Luke closed his eyes, all his responses centering on Han's palm, which stroked across his middle with knowing pressure. He heard himself moan when Han replaced his hand with his lips and marked a path of kisses across his abdomen and chest, the heat of them burning into his skin and making Luke shudder with need. When Han's lips closed over a nipple, the sting of teeth drew a sharp gasp from Luke's lips and wrenched his eyes open, something wild and reckless uncoiling within him.
It made him tug at Han's shirt, working it loose enough to reach bare skin. Han's flesh was hot beneath his hands, and the reflexive flutter of muscle an enticement to grip Han's hips, dragging their bodies together. Luke could feel the hard insistence of Han's erection pressing into him, and it turned his breathing erratic.
Han's response was to grind his hips into Luke and to crush his lips against Luke's, his words a hoarse demand. "Come to bed."
It was all Luke could do to nod, and he wasn't sure how either of them would've made it across the room if they hadn't hauled each other there. Trying to take Han's clothes off, Luke wondered how he'd managed to lose control of half his faculties, and how he'd turned into someone so inept he could hardly cope with Han's blaster belt. And then Han pushed him down onto the mattress and crawled across him, straddling his hips. Pinned his arms above his head and murmured in his ear, "Gonna make you feel so good."
It brought a sharp rush of heat to the surface of his skin to see the way Han looked at him, absorbing all of Luke's responses as his fingertips mapped out the contours of Luke's body. When Han rubbed his thumbs across Luke's nipples he watched Luke writhe, his hooded gaze grown dark and heavy with desire.
Luke could feel himself, hard and inflamed, slick with arousal, and as Han's hand closed around his erection he choked out words that made no sense. Han answered with a husky growl from low in his throat, closing his mouth over Luke's and silencing him with a long, fierce kiss. Afterwards, Han slid his lips beneath Luke's jaw and across his neck, then moved down Luke's body with fixed purpose, igniting nerve-endings everywhere he touched.
When Han took him in his mouth Luke bit down hard on his lower lip, fighting for control, a choked gasp escaping regardless. And then his hands were clutching at Han's hair and at the sheet beneath him, trying to hold on to both his stability and his self-control. But Han was relentless, and Luke heard his own groans permeate the air with an erratic rhythm that his hips were trying to match, prevented only by the grip Han had on him. Han was holding him tightly and pushing him hard against the mattress, and Luke was close to losing himself in the demanding warmth of Han's mouth.
But then, when Luke was right on the brink, Han pulled away, leaving him shaky and breathless, aching and disoriented. Han left a hand resting on Luke's hip, his fingers stroking a rhythm against his flesh, a soothing apology that did little to calm Luke's agitation. He used his knees to nudge Luke's legs apart then moved down further, making Luke's breath catch in his lungs and his body tense up with new awareness. Han went slowly, using lingering touches of his tongue to drag involuntary moans from Luke and made him take hard, indrawn breaths that turned him dizzy. Luke couldn't help himself - want and need were coursing through his blood, producing words that came from nowhere and ran together as one long plea for more.
At the very moment Luke knew he was reaching his limits, Han stopped, raising his head and shifting his position between Luke's legs. He placed a kiss on Luke's navel, and smoothed a path with his palm up the inside of Luke's thigh, giving Luke a too-short moment to piece together the remnants of his control. Han was cautious at first, using the tip of a finger in a slowly circling caress that was acutely physical, consoling and disconcerting all at the same time. When Han took things further, the only warning Luke had was the sudden, firm hold Han took of his hip. Luke felt his whole body twist in reaction as Han pushed two fingers inside him.
He didn't know if he'd said anything. Couldn't tell if the harsh sounds he'd heard had come from his own lips or from Han's. The discomfort was fleeting, but the sensations were intense, too much and yet not enough. Luke tried to move but Han held him down to keep him still, moving his fingers inside him with a slow, stroking deliberation that made Luke's breath come in rapid, shallow gasps.
And maybe Luke could have handled the sharp burn of pleasure if Han had continued to touch him that way, but Luke had drifted too far from his ability to think, dominated by the craving for more. Whatever words he'd used provoked a string of muttered curses from Han, silenced only when Han dipped his head to slide his lips down the length of Luke's erection. When Han pressed harder with the fingers he'd curled inside Luke, his sensations went into overload, and Luke could do nothing more than utter a strangled cry as his climax tore through him.
And then Han was kissing him furiously, too tense and desperate to give Luke even a moment to recover. He ground his hips into Luke's and wrapped an arm around him as he thrust against him. It took all Luke's strength to drag himself back from the dazed stupor that had taken him over, and he rolled Han onto his back, placing a hand flat against his chest to soothe him. But there wasn't time to calm Han down, and every touch of Luke's just wound him up further. Luke moved quickly, wrapping a hand around the base of Han's cock and grazing his lips against Han's length. He breathed in the scent of Han and listened to Han's curses start up again. Opened his mouth and took Han in, feeling Han arch up beneath him. He wanted to go slowly. To build up to a rhythm that kept Han there, lost in the slide of Luke's lips and the caress of the hand that Luke had drawn up between Han's thighs. But Han's hips were bucking fitfully and Luke had to work hard to keep him in place. It took only moments, and then Han was coming hard, a long, harsh groan in his throat and a hand twisting in Luke's hair.
Luke lay there with his head on Han's chest, feeling the thrum of Han's heartbeat against his cheek. Gradually it slowed to a steadier beat, and the fingers that had tangled in his hair relaxed. Luke searched for Han's other had, found it and linked his fingers in with Han's.
"What you wanted... I couldn't do it now," Han said, his voice gruff. "We need something for that."
Luke shifted up, smiled at Han, realizing what it was he'd demanded when he couldn't contain his words. "I know. Good job we've got lots of other opportunities ahead of us."
Han grinned at him. "Yeah. C'mere a minute." Han moved his hand to the back of Luke's neck, pulled him into a kiss.
"Y'know," Han said, after they'd broken the kiss, "you still haven't told me what your plans are. Are you gonna stay with the Rogues?"
Luke nodded. "Yes. I'm going to carry on doing what I've been doing for the moment."
"No Jedi Council?"
"Definitely no Jedi Council. That's part of the past. I'm not gonna try reinventing myself as a Jedi from the Old Republic."
"That explains the cloak."
"What?"
"You didn't wanna wear your cloak earlier on," Han elaborated.
"Oh... no. Whenever I wore it I felt like I was trying to turn myself into someone else. And wherever I go people expect me to wear it because that's what a Jedi does. It feels like a symbol of the past, and I want to break with that, at least for a while."
"So people'll have to get used to seein' you without it."
"Yes, they will."
"What about the training? Yoda tellin' you to pass it on?"
"That's what I need to sort out. It's something I want to do, but not in the formal way the Jedi used to do it. That seems wrong to me. From what I can gather they took them to Coruscant as young children. Separated them from their mothers and fathers because overcoming their loneliness and fear was part of their training."
"It must've been hard on them," Han said.
"That was probably the point. It's easier to teach children to obey the rules. Then when they're old enough to question them they're so much a part of who they are that it's almost impossible to shake free of them. I remember Yoda telling me I was too old to begin the training and he was right in a sense. I never did learn to obey the rules."
"It's like I've always told you - you're just difficult."
Luke threw him a grin. "I'm probably making the Jedi sound harsh, but I don't mean to. I don't know enough about them to make any kind of judgment, only that their way feels too extreme to me."
"Yeah, well there are extremes and there are extremes," Han said pointedly.
"Is that supposed to have some deep meaning?"
"Just thinkin' about some of the things you like."
"Like what?"
Han shrugged. "I dunno. The things you drink."
Luke laughed. "The things I drink? What, like water? Engine oil? Sandbat venom?"
"Redgrain spirit," Han pronounced, a clear note of 'I told you so' in his voice.
"Oh, right. So what about who I sleep with? Another extreme?"
"Nah - perfectly normal."
"Of course. I'm extreme and you're completely balanced. That's what I thought when I first met you."
Han smirked. "You're a good judge of character. Seriously though, you're not extreme in other ways."
"That's something then," Luke remarked. "What ways do you mean?"
"You always see both sides to somethin' and you keep your mind open to every point of view. That's why you're here and the Jedi aren't."
"I can only do what feels right for me." Pass on what you have learned... "I used to think Yoda meant me to reconstruct the ways of the Jedi. Now I think he meant something else. It's not the old ways I'm meant to be passing on, just my understanding of the Force, and what it means to be a Jedi."
"D'you think there are others out there?"
"You mean like me?"
"Yeah. Maybe they don't know what it is they've got."
When gone am I, the last of the Jedi will you be... "I don't know, but I'd like to find out. I'm trying to work out a way to do it."
"Well if you want any help..."
Luke planted a kiss on Han's lips. "I was kind of hoping you'd say that." He leaned in further for a long, slow kiss that left him wondering if he really needed to sleep that night. But then again, he didn't know how impressed the Polis Massan medical team would be with a pilot who spent half the flight yawning.
"What about your mother?" Han asked. "Now you know who she was, are you gonna find out more?"
"Yes. There's a lot more Senator Danu can tell me and I'm sure Mon Mothma remembers stuff too." Luke propped himself up on one elbow and studied Han. "There is something I'd really like to do."
"What?"
"I want to go to Naboo. It's where she came from."
Han touched a hand to his arm. "Then we'll go to Naboo."
***
The soft tap on the door woke Han immediately. He didn't need to lie there wondering how long the person had been there, because some reflexes never died. Maybe it was down to the kind of life he'd led, but for as long as could remember he'd slept with one ear open, listening for potential trouble. He had no idea of the time, and couldn't imagine what anyone could want from him, but whoever it was had no intention of going away. Han grimaced at the second tap, and rubbed a fist against his eyes, trying to clear his mind of the residual fog of sleep.
Luke hadn't stirred, though Han suspected some subconscious instinct would've torn Luke from the bed if there'd been the slightest hint of a threat. On Polis Massa that was an unlikely scenario. Luke's left arm lay heavily across Han's chest and he'd buried his face in the gap between Han's chin and his shoulder. Carefully, Han released himself from Luke's embrace, determined to avoid waking Luke if possible. Luke made a soft noise like a sigh of protest, but didn't open his eyes. Han planted a kiss on the top of his head and slid from the bed.
He sorted through the wreckage of clothing on the floor, finding his pants and shoving his arms into his crumpled shirt. He spotted his chrono in amongst the pile and retrieved it, scowling at the time it displayed. He rubbed a hand across his face again and pressed the door panel to activate the door.
Senator Danu stood outside, for once looking less than immaculate in hastily snatched robes, and with the dark emergence of stubble shadowing his chin. Han looked at him in surprise.
"I apologize for my intrusion," Danu said. "Something's happened that you need to know about."
Han stepped into the corridor, moving away from the opened door so as not to disturb Luke. "What's goin' on? Something's happened here?"
Danu shook his head. "Not here. Que-raik received a communication from Arudin and came to find me. It was Mon Mothma."
Something cold and heavy settled in the pit of Han's stomach. There was no HoloNet communicator on Polis Massa, so for Mon Mothma to take the trouble to reach the Senator in the middle of the night using sub-space relays implied a level of severity that was unlikely to mean good news.
"Leia?"
"No," Danu said quickly. "She's okay. It's nothing like that. No-one's injured or ill."
Han swallowed his relief. There were plenty of other problems it could be. An Imperial assault or major galactic uprising... "What is it then?"
Danu hesitated. "Luke needs to hear this too. I went to his room, but only his droid is there. I thought he might be with you."
Han stared at him, a strange feeling growing inside him that something in their lives was about to turn upside down. "Yeah, he's here. Gimme a minute to wake him up?"
"Of course."
Han sat down on the bed and stroked the hair back from Luke's face. "Luke."
Luke smiled, his eyes still closed, and reached for Han's hand. "It can't be morning already," he muttered, half asleep.
"It's the middle of the night. You've gotta wake up."
Something in his voice must've got through to Luke, because Luke's eyes flew open, confusion flashing through them in the brief moments before concern took over. "What's wrong?"
"I dunno yet. Danu's outside the door. Mon Mothma's just got hold of him. He wants to speak to you."
Luke sat up quickly, all traces of sleepiness vanished. "Has he told you anything? Do you know-"
Han interrupted him. "It's not Leia. As far as I know, everyone's okay." He reached down to the floor and grabbed Luke's clothes. "Here."
While Luke was getting dressed Han went to let the Senator in. He adjusted the glowpanel to give a brighter pool of light in the center of the room. The walls remained in shadow.
"Sorry to drag you out of bed," Danu said to Luke. "Did Han explain that Mon Mothma has contacted me?"
Luke nodded. "Yes." He attempted to fasten his tunic, but gave it up when the fasteners wouldn't co-operate. "Has something happened on Arudin?"
"Not exactly. It's more widespread than that."
"Imperials?"
"The information stems from them. I'm sorry, because this isn't going to be easy."
"You'd better just tells us straight out," Han said, noticing how his sense of an approaching crisis had grown much stronger. If the expression on Luke's face was anything to go by, Luke was experiencing a similar presentiment.
"It transpires that the Emperor kept a personal databank, separate from the main Imperial archives. In it are details of everyone and everything that might have served some purpose to him," Danu explained. "Its existence has just come to light."
"It was found on Coruscant?" Han asked.
"Yes. So it's still in the hands of those who wish us harm. And they've chosen to broadcast certain facts."
"Vader," Luke said. His voice was flat and his face expressionless. Han moved up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, knowing as well as Luke did what was coming next.
Danu inclined his head. "Yes, Vader. It started with a transmission from a small station sympathetic to the Imperial cause. Some of the major channels have picked up the story already." Danu took a deep breath and settled his gaze on Luke. "It reveals the true identity of Darth Vader. And that of his son."
Luke was the first to break the long moment of silence, and Han marveled at how calm he sounded. "What about Leia?"
"There's been no mention of her," Danu said. "If that information was in the Emperor's databank, I'm sure the Imperials would've made it public."
"It won't be in there," Luke said. "The Emperor only found out about Leia a few minutes before his death."
"How many people know about this?" Han asked. He knew the question was pointless even as he asked it. The news was the biggest thing to break since the death of Palpatine. Even the tiniest whispers took mere days to travel the length and breadth of the galaxy.
"It's spreading fast," Danu confirmed. "Mon Mothma wants to make a public statement. But she wants Luke to be there with her."
Luke nodded slowly but didn't speak. Han tightened his hold on Luke's shoulder and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. "We need to get back there then," he said. His throat felt dry and constricted, making his voice hoarse.
Danu nodded. "You take Luke on your ship. You can make the flight in half the time the cruiser can. I'll stay here and sort things out with the Polis Massans. I'm sure they can find a pilot to take me and Sheni-dain's team back to Arudin."
"If they still want to go," Luke added.
"Oh, they will," Danu said.
When the Senator had gone, Han and Luke stood there in silence just looking at each other. It was impossible for Han to determine Luke's reaction, and even if Luke had explained in depth, Han knew he couldn't come close to imagining how it must feel.
They'd known it had to happen one day, but they'd wanted to break the news themselves. In the hands of those who considered Luke their greatest enemy, who knew what damage it had already done.
Han moved across to Luke, placed his hands on Luke's shoulders. "We can do whatever you wanna do. Just let me know."
"I want to get back there as quickly as possible. Leia won't rest until we're home. And if anyone finds out we're here, well, you know what'll happen."
Han nodded. "The place'll be overrun with news scavengers before we can blink."
"It wouldn't be fair on the Polis Massans."
"It'd be hard for 'em, but it wouldn't be your fault. Besides, I think this is one place we can count on for support."
"Yes, but I'd rather not force them into giving it before they're ready."
"We'll get going as soon as you want. We can be back in less than forty-eight hours."
"You know there'll be ships ten deep in orbit round Arudin?"
"Hey, a few ships ain't gonna faze me. I know a few maneuvers, remember."
In the circumstances, Luke's attempt at a grin was passable. "Yeah, I know."
Han lifted a hand and held it against Luke's cheek. "You won't be facing this by yourself. You'll have a lot of support."
"Being seen with me will make life difficult for you. There'll always be people who won't understand."
"You think you haven't already made my life difficult? One more thing ain't gonna make much difference."
Luke gave a quiet laugh. "I guess not."
Han pulled Luke to him, wrapped his arms around him. "We'll sort it out, however long it takes. And whatever happens, I'm gonna be there with you."
"What if it takes forever?"
"Then you'll be stuck with me forever, won't you?"
Luke smiled, and the light of happiness stole across his face and into his eyes. "Yes, I suppose I will."
~End~