Rejection
In the hospital. I've been diagnosed with acute kidney organ rejection one month to the day since my transplant.
Logically I have done everything I should. I have kept my follow-up office visits with atomic-clock precision. I have followed my medication, diet and exercise routines with OCD mania. Yet I am feeling shame, guilt, and failure of a magnitude that I have never felt in my entire life.
Monday I went in for my bi-weekly blood work and everything was texbook perfect. Thursday I went in and all hell had broken loose. I coudn't believe the numbers staring back at me. How could this be? I felt fine. I was walking a brisk few miles a day now and feeling wonderful. It had to be a nightmare and I would wake up any second.
They even took a second sample to make certain the accuracy of the results.
But there was no waking. I was taken within moments to my hospital bed, administered IVs and blasted with a new round of immunosuppressants. The plan now is to take me back to square one, and do a "reboot" of my immune system to see if they can re-start the process of introducing my body to the new kidney. Somewhere along the line, despite everyone's best efforts, there was a diligent and robust T cell that wasn't quite groggy enough from therapy to miss the fact that Jamie's kidney wasn't original equipment, and dutifully marked it for demolition.
There are a few positive notes that I need to share. Ultrasound imaging has verified that physically the kidney is in fine shape. The grafts have taken well, and there is robust blood and urine flow with no fluid collections or strictures to impede flow. Urinalysis reveals no proteins or enzymes in my urinary output that would have otherwise indicated that my immune system had begun to act on the signals in my bloodstream to destroy the kidney.
I'll be in the hospital for at least 4 days, if my body doesn't respond to the new therapy, the next step will be a biopsy of the new kidney to see if there may be another reason for this fall clambake my body is hosting.
As usual, Greg continues to be a rock. But I worry that even rocks can crack. I sure I can't comprehend the stress I've been putting on him.
My donor Jamie came to see me not too long after I was admitted. I couldn't even look him in the eye. All I could do is cry and sob,"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry".
How the hell do you tell one who has given you the most incredible gift of life that your body has repaid and thanked the both of you by eating it alive!!??
God, Goddess, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Universe, or To Whom it may Concern, I will have but one question when I finally see you face to face.
What the FUCKwere you thinking????
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