Bitter Sweet Smile
Title: Bitter Sweet Smile (One-Shoot)
Rating: PG
Pairing: KyuMin, Hint!KiHae
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: Sungmin belongs to Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun belongs to Sungmin, I’m the cupid, I own nothing but the story
Summary: The real reason behind Sungmin’s bitter sweet smile.
A/N: The story isn’t real. This is only my crazy idea. It’s my first time writing fic, and I thought this is a FAIL. I’m bad at English, please forgive grammatical errors and the lack of vocabularies. Thank kyu so much to my dear deztea87 and dhiendha_eitzpee for helping me in this fic.
It was late at night, right after SM Town Concert finished. Super Junior members hurrily crowded around their missing member who had just had his birthday, Kibum. Hugs, kisses, handshakes, pinch cheeks, ruffles hair given from the members to him.
“Kibummie... Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday Kibum-ah!! Yay! I’m so happy to see you!”
“Where have you been, Kibum? And oh... Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday Kibummie... May God bless you always!”
“Kibum hyung, congratulation! Happy birthday! I’m glad you are here with us now!”
“How we miss u, Kibum!!!! Oh yeah...Happy birthday!”
“Kibum-ah, you are older now! Be a wise man, okay? Congratulation!”
“Yah! Kibum! You should treat us dinner!”
“Thank you, thank you... Okay, okay, hyung... Hahaha, wow... Long time no see! How are you guys?”
“We are good Kibum, how about you? We we’ve missed u so much, don’t you know?”
“I know, I know... Hahaha... I’m so sorry hyung. I’ve missed u all too so bad, but my schedules didn’t allow me to visit you all. But now I’m here! Let’s go! Since yesterday was my birthday, I’ll love to take you out for dinner tonight... Come on!”
They went to a fancy and cozy restaurant to celebrate their gathering after only-God-knows-how-long-they-haven’t-meet and to celebrate Kibum’s birthday. Laughter, jokes, songs filled the air as smiles spread on their faces. Everybody was happy. Ever since Kibum had come in sight, Donghae had never left his sight, he clung to the birthday boy all the time. The other members thought that Donghae only had really missed his best friend, but Eeteuk understood the action. Let them enjoy this moment, it’s been a long time they haven’t met each other... After all, they won’t make any trouble. Eeteuk spoke in his mind.
“Donghae hyung, how are you? Are you doing good?”
“Yes, i’m fine. Perfectly fine since you came here in the first place...” Donghae said as he smiled sweetly. Kibum blushed at the statement.
“I’ve missed you so badly...” Kibum whispered. That time, it was Donghae whose cheeks turned a bright pink.
“Me too... Come on, let’s eat Kibummie!” Donghae said cheerfully. Kibum nodded in agreement and continue eating while joking with Donghae and the others once a while.
Meanwhile, Sungmin sat right beside Kyuhyun.
“Kyuhyun, here... You have to eat a lot. That’s good for your health!” Sungmin said as he gave plenty of foods in Kyuhyun’s plate.
“Wow, Sungmin hyung, this is too much... Ooo please...eating too much is not good, you know...” Kyuhyun protested but he felt happy inside, seeing how much his hyung care for him.
“Sssttt... Just finish it. Listen to your hyung!”
“Huumm... Feed me?” A wink and a wide smile that showed his teeth.
“What? You are not a kid, Kyu. Eat yourself!” A playful slap was given to Kyuhyun’s arm.
“Aw...Min hyung! Please... Just one spoon?” Kyuhyun teased as he gave him those adorable puppy eyes and pouting lips that no one can resist.
“Aish... I think I spoiled you too much!” However, Sungmin couldn’t refuse what Kyuhyun had asked.
“I know you love me~ I’m your favourite dongsaeng~” Kyuhyun singsong and grinned.
Nobody realized that there’s was something between Kyuhyun and Sungmin. Something more than just a care from hyung to his dongsaeng, something more than brotherly love, something...romantic. No one found it out, except one person that had responsibility towards the group, Eeteuk. It had been a while that the leader suspected something different from the couple. Since the Mini Drama to each performances that they had performed, Eeteuk saw them stood side by side peacefully with some loving glances in between, they wouldn’t give obvious skinship, but even ELFs knew the love that overwhelmed the said pairing. Eeteuk paid attention on how bitter and lonely Sungmin had been when the members of Super Junior M had been to China, the white-lover man had not missed how sad Kyuhyun had been when he had left for China in Incheon Airport. Eeteuk knew how depressed Sungmin had been when Kyuhyun had stayed in hospital. Not only that, but also when they had beenbehind the screen they had showed their love to each other in a very clear way, in the way they wouldn’t do to the other members. They must be in love to each other, in a romantic way. Eeteuk thought. And that time Eeteuk was sure. His suspiciousness had come into reality.
I’ll talk to Sungmin tomorrow. I have to, before THEY realize it. I will not lose any member anymore. Not again! Eeteuk promised himself.
******************************************************************
“Sungminie...can we talk?”
“Oh Eeteuk hyung, sure!”
“Follow me then...”
With curiosity, Sungmin followed Eeteuk to the 12th floor of their dorm. After motioned for Sungmin to sit on the chair in his and Donghae’s shared bedroom, Eeteuk closed the door and positioned himself to sit in the bed in front of Sungmin.
“So...what is it hyung?”
“Sungmin...the things that I’m going to tell you... Maybe it’s weird... But please listen to me and answer me honestly, will you? I’ll ask you right to the point.”
“....yes....” Sungmin felt a little bit scared. Eeteuk was usually a cheerful person, talked softly and smiled, showing his dimple. Very rare time he showed his seriousness, only when there was a big problem waiting to be solved. But at that time, Sungmin could see the stiffness in Super Junior leader’s face. What is going on? Do I make a miserable mistake? Sungmin couldn’t find the answer.
“Do you have feeling for your roommate?”
“Eh? Hyung....?” Sungmin shocked, why on earth did Eeteuk suddenly ask him that question.
“Do you love Kyuhyunnie?”
Sungmin’s heart beat faster because of the question. “Umm... Yes...he’s my dongsaeng... Of course I love him, I love Wookie too, same with Eunhyukie and the others...” Sungmin lied. He didn’t want his hyung read his mind.
“Not that kind of love I mean...”
Sungmin chuckled, “Hyung, what is it about? Do you think I’m a gay?”
“Well...sort of...” Eeteuk replied him matter-of-factly.
“Oh Teukie hyung...What makes you think like that? No way, hyung. Just because I like pink and bunny, doesn’t mean I’m a gay!” Sungmin tried to defend himself.
“Sungminnie, listen to me...” Eeteuk said in a serious tone. He glared into Sungmin’s big round eyes.
“.......”
“I’m the leader of Super Junior. I’ve learnt each of our member personalities. It’s my duty. I can read every expression of happiness, joy, sad, anger, passion... You all are like my little brothers. I know there’s something between you two!”
“........”
“I’ve seen how gentle and care when you look at him, how you touch him with so much affection, how soft your tone when you talk to him. Maybe you even don’t realize how happy you are when he’s around you, how your cheeks turn a bright pink, how genuine your smile to him...”
“Hyung.... I....”
“Even ELFs know...”
“....I.... I don’t know...”
“A boy-boy love is forbidden, it is a sin, you know that, don’t you?”
“Even it is a sin, I don’t think it will give any trouble if it’s a one sided love...”
“That’s what exactly I wanna tell you...”
“What do you mean, hyung? I don’t seem to understand...”
“Kyuhyunnie also has the same feeling for you... He’s falling for you...”
“Does he....??” A bright smile appeared in Sungmin’s cute face. Sungmin recalled the moments he had spent with Kyuhyun. Yes, how could he didn’t realize it? There is was something between them. Kyuhyun was a snarky magnae, but when it came to Sungmin, he would become a gentle and care man. He remembered how they had passed the last 5 years, teasing each other, comforting each other, cheering each other. He felt so grateful having him as a friend, as a bandmate, as a brother, as a roommate, and maybe he could become...
“Don’t you ever think to develop that forbidden love!!!” Eeteuk snapped him out of his thought.
“Why can’t I??” Sungmin raised his tone. Why couldn’t he struggle for something that he hoped for after all these waiting times. Why now? When he knew that his dream could be reality, not only an illusion.
“Do you want to disappoint your family? Your parents and brother might be ashamed of you! And what do you think other people would say? You are an idol, Lee Sungmin! Aren’t you afraid the media would expose this out loud? That would influence your career, your friendship, your work. We are not living in West countries where the gay or lesbian are welcome!”
“But I love him, hyung....”
“Loving someone doesn’t mean you must have that person in your arms...”
“We can hide it...”
“No, you can’t!”
“What?? Why??” Sungmin clenched his fists at his sides, his anger began to develop.
“I’ll tell you a secret, but before I tell you, promise me not to tell anyone else!”
“What is it about?” Sungmin felt uneasy. He could predict something negative in their conversation.
“Just promise me!”
“.......”
“Do I have your word?”
“...You have my word, hyung...”
“Do you know what the reasons that made Kibum and Hankyung leave?”
“Kibummie was focus on his career in becoming an actor, and Hankyung hyung also wanted to become an independent idol in his country”
“No, Sungmin. The REAL reasons.”
Sungmin gasped, “So that’s not the real reasons?”
“Nope.”
“I don’t understand...” Sungmin was really confused.
“Kibum and Donghae were in love each other. They hid it for themselves. No matter how hard they tried to hide it, SME knew. Heechul and Hankyung were also lovers. Different from Kibum and Donghae, Heechul and Hankyung never seemed to be bothered to hide their feeling to everyone. But those two love stories ended up in the same way. SME separated them, in the way that no one could think. SME won’t let anyone know about the affairs. They will do anything, I repeat, anything, to save their assets.”
“Why....??”
“ SME is afraid, if public knew that some members of Super Junior are gays, our popularity would go down. People would hate us and see us as bad example. I know, ELFs made us pairings with our members, but they believe it’s only for fun service. If people knew about the truth, I believe it would become a big scandal. So they did that, they tore them apart, in the name of goodness. I don’t know how but they have a very smooth way in doing each of their plans.”
“Do you mean???” Sungmin can’t believe what he just heard.
“Yes. SME made Kibum to sign so many contracts in filming, too much that he didn’t have time to practice singing and dancing as what Super Junior members supposed to do. Kibum had to obey them, because...you know...we have been bonded by contract with them and that means we have to do whatever they told us to. Hankyung...SME made him suffer...pushed him with too much activities, gave him unfair payment, made him sick but didn’t give him time to get rest, did not allow him to go back seeing his family, and a lot of cruel things that made Hankyung speak up for his freedom, sent a law suit against SME.”
“What about Kangin hyung? Did he also...??”
“No. Kangin is a different story. That was full accident. He was a straight person. SM didn’t interfere in his life.”
“D-do the other members know ab-about this, hyung?”
“No. None of our members know about it except me. Even Kibum and Hankyung themselves might not realize this.”
Sungmin was speechless. He even couldn’t think straight. All of this matters... He needed time to process what had just Eeteuk said. So what are we? Puppets of SME?? That’s not fair. We are human. We also have life. We have rights to be happy, to choose what we want to do.
“Sungminnie, I love you, and I love Kyuhunnie too. I love all of our members. You know I’ll do anything to protect Super Junior... But this time, I need your help.”
“What do you want me to do, hyung?”
“Stay away from Kyuhyun...”
“H-Hyung...”
“Even if you try to hide it with so much effort, still SME will figure it out. I just wonder...do the walls here have ears? Or they put candid camera in each corner of our dorm, our dance room practice, our studio... Every little thing that we do is always known by them... You two won’t make it...”
”B-but...”
“For the sake of Super Junior, please Sungmin... Please... You don’t want to see our members broken hearted because of losing another member, do you? You don’t want to make hundred of ELFs crying when they see another member walks out of Super Junior, do you? You don’t want to decrease one person out of ten, do you?”
“But I love him... I love him...” Sungmin’s voice sounded like a whisper, so fragile, so faint... Why must this thing happened in his life? Why him of all people?
“If you really love Kyuhyunnie, you will do the best for him. You will not endanger him in the foolish love of yours...”
“........” Sungmin couldn’t form a sentence, not even a word. The situation forced him to give up even when the battle had not started yet. He felt so lonely, so weak... He felt so lost... Lost in the middle of nowhere...
“You can choose, stay beside Kyuhyun, love him in silence as you always do, pretend that he doesn’t love you and you can still be with him every single day OR confess your feeling to him, live as a lover for a very short time until SME know and you will loose him!”
“.....I-I.....”
“I know you will choose the right and the best way, Sungmin-ah... Beside, our people don’t accept gay...” Eeteuk’s voice soften.
A deep, a very deep sigh “....F-Fi-Fine...”
Eeteuk hugged him tight “Thank you Sungmin-ah... Thank you... I trust you...”
No word could describe the painful creeping in all of Sungmin’s heart, body, and mind...
******************************************************************
It was raining hard one evening. Sungmin was reading a book in his bed when Kyuhyun entered their shared bedroom which located in 11th floor of the dorm. Kyuhyun came to him, a pink stuffed bunny with a heart written “KyuMin” in hand.
“Sungmin hyung, saranghae...” Kyuhyun said as he gave Sungmin the bunny, blushed at the confession.
Sungmin almost jumped, but then he calmed down, take the bunny as he said, “Kyuhyun-ah, I love you too... We are brothers, rights? And ooh...thank you for the bunny, I like it.” He held the bunny and smiled.
“Hyung, it’s not what I mean...” A frown formed in his face.
“Hmm?? So what is it?” Sungmin asked, showing a clueless expression even though he had known the matter.
Kyuhyun took a deep breath, “I love you, Lee Sungmin, in a way that a man loves a woman as his lover...”
‘A boy-boy love is forbidden, is it a sin...’ Eeteuk’s words echoed in Sungmin’s ears.
“You gotta be kidding me...” Sungmin forced a fake laugh.
“Hyung, I’m serious...” Kyuhyun said in stress tone.
‘Loving someone doesn’t mean you must have that person in your arms...’ Again, Eeteuk’s words popped out from Sungmin’s mind.
“It’s not funny Kyu...”
“Hyung, I love you... Do you love me back?”
“Kyuhyun...” Yes, I do. I love you with all my heart, body, and soul... Sungmin wanted to scream those words out loud but his throat felt dry.
“Please tell me you love me too, hyung...” Kyuhyun pulled Sungmin close, his hands hold Sungmin’s arms so he could face Sungmin right in front of his face. Their eyes met.
“I do love you, but not in this way...” I’m in denial, please forgive me Kyu...
“I can feel it, hyung. All those touches...those glances...those smiles...those loving words...”
‘Stay away from Kyuhyun...’ Like a reminder, Eeteuk’s words avoided him to become one with the one he loved.
Sungmin broke the gaze and looked the other way. “You are wrong, that’s only for funservice...”
“Don’t lie to me hyung... I know you feel the same way as I do... Your eyes can’t lie...” Kyuhyun embraced him tightly like there was no tomorrow. Sungmin almost gave up. He could sniff Kyuhyun’s scent, felt Kyuhyun’s warmth and that drove him crazy.
‘For the sake of Super Junior, please Sungmin... Please...’
“Kyuhyun-ah, you misunderstood me! Let me go!” Sungmin struggled and freed himself from Kyuhyun.
“Why are you acting like this?”
“What? Me? No. Why are YOU acting like that?”
Kyuhyun let out a frustrated sigh, “Because I love you! It’s obvious!”
‘You don’t want to see our members’ broken hearted because of losing another member, do you? You don’t want to make hundred of ELFs crying when they see another member walks out of Super Junior, do you? You don’t want to decrease one person out of ten, do you?’
“But I don’t love you in that way. I love someone else...” I’m lying, i’m sorry Kyuhyun-ah...
A loud thunder could be heard right after Sungmin’s words. Kyuhyun felt as if that thunderbolt not only happened outside their dorm, but he felt it inside his heart too. Sungmin’s words worked as a thunderbolt that broke his heart into pieces. “That’s impossible...” Kyuhyun let out a hoarse and weak voice.
“It’s true. You have to get over it! I love Sunny. In fact I’m in a relationship with her now.” Sungmin’s voice sounded steady. He tried his best to convince the man in front of him.
“But... But you said to the media that there’s nothing going on between you two!” Kyuhyun yelled, anger built inside him.
“Well, we have to hide it. Our fans will not be happy if they know the truth. Sunny and I agreed to make it as a secret and not allow anyone else to find out, not even the members of Super Junior and SNSD. So if you ask her, she will absolutely deny it. I...I perforce telling you because you are acting like this!”
“But hyung...” Kyuhyun reached out his hand to touch Sungmin.
‘Even if you try to hide it with so much effort, still SME will figure it out...the walls here have ears... Every little thing that we do is always known by them...’
“No! Don’t come near me!” Sungmin took a step back.
“Min hyung...”
‘If you really love Kyuhyunnie, you will do the best for him. You will not endanger him in the foolish love of yours...’
“If you make a move forward, I’ll ask Teukie hyung to re-arrange the room! You make me scared, Kyuhyunnie!”
“Am I that disgusting until you don’t want me touching you???” If a look could have kill, Sungmin would have been dead at that time as he looked into Kyuhyun’s dark brown orbs. Kyuhyun’s eyes were filled with sadness, hurt, disappointment, anger, bitter, betrayal, pain, all mixed into one.
It took all Lee Sungmin’s willpower not to approach Kyuhyun right away. How he wanted so bad to hug him, comfort him, soothe him by telling how much he cared and loved the said man.
“Fine, I’ll go...” and then Kyuhyun headed to the door, opened it just to slam it shut again after he went away.
Don’t go Kyuhyun.. Don’t go... Please come back... But those words never came out of Sungmin’s mouth. He felt his body tremble. He could no longer hold back the burden on his body. It hurt. It hurt so much as if an arrow had embedded right on his heart and he could not breath. He looked down, and soon fell on his knees. He kept his eyes down, then he felt cold liquid drop from his eyes wetting the floor. The rain kept pouring down to the earth as if they joined Sungmin in his tears...
*****************************************************************
It was late at night. Sungmin was watching TV in the couch but his mind flied to the one he loved who had not returned to the dorm yet. A few minutes after, Donghae came to their dorm, standing in the hallway while holding an unconscious Kyuhyun with his arms.
“Sungmin hyung, help me...”
“Donghae? Kyuhyun? Oh my God... What happened to him, Hae?” Immediately Sungmin approached them and helped Donghae to hold Kyuhyun. Alcohol smell on Kyuhyun’s breath.
“I don’t know hyung, I found him in the bar we used to come when we celebrate something... It seems that he drunk...he drank too much I guess...”
“Oh....” Sungmin began to feel distress.
“Come on hyung, let’s get him to the bed...”
“Oh you’re right. Come on!”
“Hyung, is there something wrong between you two? Did you have a fight or something?” Donghae asked Sungmin as soon as they put Kyuhyun on the bed.
“What? Why do you ask me that?”
“Well, because Kyu kept mumbling words like ‘Sungmin hyung...why...’ ‘No, it didn’t happen’ ‘Min hyung...you lied...’ ‘Hyung why you do that to me?’ So I guess he had problem with you...”
“I...we...we had a little conflict this afternoon...”
“Do you need any help?” Donghae’s face full of concern.
“No. You don’t have to worry, it was just a little misunderstanding. I’ll make it up to him as soon as he wakes up...”
“Humm... I hope you two will find the way out soon... You can ask me if you need any help. I’ll be happy to do that.” Donghae smiled. Somehow his smile made Sungmin a little relieved.
“Okay... Thank you...” Sungmin smiled back.
“It’s late. I’m going upstairs and get some rest. Have a rest too, Sungmin hyung, we have hectic schedules tomorrow...” he said as he left the room and closed the door.
“Yes Hae, I will. Thank you...”
After Donghae left the room, Kyuhyun woke up and from his gestures, Sungmin knew that he’s was going to puke. Sungmin helped him to the bathroom (thanks to his ability in martial arts that he didn’t face difficulty handling Kyuhyun) waited for him patiently and when he finished, Sungmin washed his face with warm water, helped him back to the bed, changed his clothes, and covered him with blanket to make his body warm and comfortable. Soon, he drift off to sleep.
“Kyuhyun-ah, why did you do this stupid thing? I’m not worth it...” Sungmin said softly as he stroke Kyuhyun’s hair affectionately.
“...Sungmin hyung..... saranghae hyung...” Kyuhyun whispered in his sleep as if he heard Sungmin and answered him.
“I’m sorry Kyuhyunnie...” Sungmin saw his vision blurry as tears started forming in his eyes. Hurting people that he loved was the last thing Sungmin wanted to do. And now, seeing a broken Kyuhyun in front of him made him feel he was in the edge of his life. He would do anything, anything that could ease Kyuhyun’s pain. He was willing to give everything that could make the magnae get out from his sadness.
“...Min hyung...why...” Kyuhyun murmured, still in his dream. Hearing those words, Sungmin let a river of clear water ran from his eyes down his cheeks. He felt his heart sink. Deep inside his heart, he felt his guilt increasing more and more as Kyuhyun kept murmured those words.
Sungmin was a strong man. Give him a rival in taekwondo that twice taller and bigger than himself, Sungmin will easily defeat him. But face him with a Kyuhyun-in-blue, for sure he will become vulnerable. Having broken legs and broken arms were much more bearable than having a broken heart.
“I’m sorry Kyu... I’m so sorry...”
*****************************************************************
The next few days were awkward situation between Kyuhyun and Sungmin. Sungmin tried several times to talk to Kyuhyun, but his roommate seemed to avoid him. After that, he gave up, he stayed away from Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun did the same. Sungmin busied himself in his study, his singing and dancing practice, when he got spare time, he would spend his time with Ryeowook. In the other hand, Kyuhyun kept playing starcraft, in addition of his singing and dancing practice, or visited the 12th floor and spent most of his time there. The only time when they saw each other was when they got to sleep. But no words exchanged between them. They would silently cry before sleep without each other knew.
Eeteuk, being a good leader he was, realized that strange situation. But he could do nothing about it. He had wished he have done something to help his dongsaeng out of the problem, but he had not found the way out. I’m sorry Sungminnie... I’m sorry Kyuhyunnie... Eeteuk could only whisper those words to the wind...
After a week that seemed to be forever, Kyuhyun finally made a move to reconcile with his favourite hyung, “Min hyung... I... I want to apologize for what happened last week... Please just forget it...” he started the conversation.
“It’s okay Kyuhyunnie... I’m the one who should say sorry to you...” Sungmin said happily, a sincere smile on his face.
“Well, at least we can still be friends...and brothers, aren’t we?” Kyuhyun asked, still didn’t expect too much. hoping to much. He could still feel the pain of rejection he had got before.
“Yes, of course Kyu... After all, we are in the same group, we are Super Junior. How can we survive if we stay away from each other?” Sungmin’s calm voice gave comfort to Kyuhyun’s ears. Oh how he missed those voice so much.
“Yeah... ELFs will be mad if we don’t show any skinship. We are KyuMin, right?” a hint of sorrow behind the words.
“Yes...”
“And... I wish you happiness with Sunny. No one will know about it. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“Thank you Kyu...”
“So... shake hands?” Kyuhyun let out his hand.
“Sure!” Sungmin accepted it whole-heartedly, he held the grip tight.
They stayed still for couples of minutes, enjoying each other’s presence simply by the touch in the hands and the loving gaze each other gave. Whoever saw the scene must realize the unspoken feelings they had, the feelings of concern, care... and love.
“OK then, I gotta go now, I have something to do.” Kyuhyun was the first who broke the grip.
“Be careful Kyu...”
And then Kyuhyun walked to the door. Just before he touched the doorknob, he turned around to face Sungmin and said,
“Oh hyung, you don’t have to be worry or scare of me again. I love you, i do really love you, but since you didn’t reciprocate my feeling, i’ll try to throw it away...” A glint of sore could be seen in Kyuhyun’s face and voice. He paused for a moment, looking down at the floor. Then a bitter smile showed as he continued his sentences, “However, life must go on... I’m going on a date with Yoona tomorrow night. I guess I make a right decision to move on, don’t I? See you later, hyung...” with those words, Kyuhyun left the room.
Sungmin stepped towards the window in slow motion, he opened it wide. His heart ached, his head dizzied. He hugged tight the pink stuffed bunny that Kyuhyun had given gave him a week before, as if not wanting to let it go, not wanting to let the person out of his life. He let the wind blow his hair and cool his body from sudden tenses that he had after his conversation with Kyuhyun. He just had let Kyuhyun out from his life... How stupid I am... He could only form a bitter smile upon his beautiful face. He couldn’t cry anymore. Somehow his tear duct had been empty, no more tears remained due to too much crying the nights before.
I hope you can find your happiness Kyu... I’ll do anything to make you happy, even if it cost my own happiness... But this is the best for you... I won’t let you get trouble for loving me... I’ll pray for you... I’ll always love you even though you don’t know it... I’ll always love you... For eternity...
Loving you not because I want you to be mine, but loving you just because I want you to be happy, that’s all... I can’t deny this feeling...
And now, every time we see Sungmin’s bitter sweet smile, we know the reason why...
*****************************************************************
NOTE: This is a FAIL, i’ve told you before. Should I continue writing? I think I don’t have any ability for that... I’m so sorry for breaking the KyuMin. Feel free to throw me bricks, hit me, slap me, mock me, yell me... *runs away*. So, anybody wants for a sequel? The happy-ending one? If you wish for, I’ll try to make it. Just give me your note. Comments and critics please... I’m craving for comments... *winks* KyuMin is love forever!!!! <3
Rating: PG
Pairing: KyuMin, Hint!KiHae
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: Sungmin belongs to Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun belongs to Sungmin, I’m the cupid, I own nothing but the story
Summary: The real reason behind Sungmin’s bitter sweet smile.
A/N: The story isn’t real. This is only my crazy idea. It’s my first time writing fic, and I thought this is a FAIL. I’m bad at English, please forgive grammatical errors and the lack of vocabularies. Thank kyu so much to my dear deztea87 and dhiendha_eitzpee for helping me in this fic.
It was late at night, right after SM Town Concert finished. Super Junior members hurrily crowded around their missing member who had just had his birthday, Kibum. Hugs, kisses, handshakes, pinch cheeks, ruffles hair given from the members to him.
“Kibummie... Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday Kibum-ah!! Yay! I’m so happy to see you!”
“Where have you been, Kibum? And oh... Happy birthday!”
“Happy birthday Kibummie... May God bless you always!”
“Kibum hyung, congratulation! Happy birthday! I’m glad you are here with us now!”
“How we miss u, Kibum!!!! Oh yeah...Happy birthday!”
“Kibum-ah, you are older now! Be a wise man, okay? Congratulation!”
“Yah! Kibum! You should treat us dinner!”
“Thank you, thank you... Okay, okay, hyung... Hahaha, wow... Long time no see! How are you guys?”
“We are good Kibum, how about you? We we’ve missed u so much, don’t you know?”
“I know, I know... Hahaha... I’m so sorry hyung. I’ve missed u all too so bad, but my schedules didn’t allow me to visit you all. But now I’m here! Let’s go! Since yesterday was my birthday, I’ll love to take you out for dinner tonight... Come on!”
They went to a fancy and cozy restaurant to celebrate their gathering after only-God-knows-how-long-they-haven’t-meet and to celebrate Kibum’s birthday. Laughter, jokes, songs filled the air as smiles spread on their faces. Everybody was happy. Ever since Kibum had come in sight, Donghae had never left his sight, he clung to the birthday boy all the time. The other members thought that Donghae only had really missed his best friend, but Eeteuk understood the action. Let them enjoy this moment, it’s been a long time they haven’t met each other... After all, they won’t make any trouble. Eeteuk spoke in his mind.
“Donghae hyung, how are you? Are you doing good?”
“Yes, i’m fine. Perfectly fine since you came here in the first place...” Donghae said as he smiled sweetly. Kibum blushed at the statement.
“I’ve missed you so badly...” Kibum whispered. That time, it was Donghae whose cheeks turned a bright pink.
“Me too... Come on, let’s eat Kibummie!” Donghae said cheerfully. Kibum nodded in agreement and continue eating while joking with Donghae and the others once a while.
Meanwhile, Sungmin sat right beside Kyuhyun.
“Kyuhyun, here... You have to eat a lot. That’s good for your health!” Sungmin said as he gave plenty of foods in Kyuhyun’s plate.
“Wow, Sungmin hyung, this is too much... Ooo please...eating too much is not good, you know...” Kyuhyun protested but he felt happy inside, seeing how much his hyung care for him.
“Sssttt... Just finish it. Listen to your hyung!”
“Huumm... Feed me?” A wink and a wide smile that showed his teeth.
“What? You are not a kid, Kyu. Eat yourself!” A playful slap was given to Kyuhyun’s arm.
“Aw...Min hyung! Please... Just one spoon?” Kyuhyun teased as he gave him those adorable puppy eyes and pouting lips that no one can resist.
“Aish... I think I spoiled you too much!” However, Sungmin couldn’t refuse what Kyuhyun had asked.
“I know you love me~ I’m your favourite dongsaeng~” Kyuhyun singsong and grinned.
Nobody realized that there’s was something between Kyuhyun and Sungmin. Something more than just a care from hyung to his dongsaeng, something more than brotherly love, something...romantic. No one found it out, except one person that had responsibility towards the group, Eeteuk. It had been a while that the leader suspected something different from the couple. Since the Mini Drama to each performances that they had performed, Eeteuk saw them stood side by side peacefully with some loving glances in between, they wouldn’t give obvious skinship, but even ELFs knew the love that overwhelmed the said pairing. Eeteuk paid attention on how bitter and lonely Sungmin had been when the members of Super Junior M had been to China, the white-lover man had not missed how sad Kyuhyun had been when he had left for China in Incheon Airport. Eeteuk knew how depressed Sungmin had been when Kyuhyun had stayed in hospital. Not only that, but also when they had beenbehind the screen they had showed their love to each other in a very clear way, in the way they wouldn’t do to the other members. They must be in love to each other, in a romantic way. Eeteuk thought. And that time Eeteuk was sure. His suspiciousness had come into reality.
I’ll talk to Sungmin tomorrow. I have to, before THEY realize it. I will not lose any member anymore. Not again! Eeteuk promised himself.
******************************************************************
“Sungminie...can we talk?”
“Oh Eeteuk hyung, sure!”
“Follow me then...”
With curiosity, Sungmin followed Eeteuk to the 12th floor of their dorm. After motioned for Sungmin to sit on the chair in his and Donghae’s shared bedroom, Eeteuk closed the door and positioned himself to sit in the bed in front of Sungmin.
“So...what is it hyung?”
“Sungmin...the things that I’m going to tell you... Maybe it’s weird... But please listen to me and answer me honestly, will you? I’ll ask you right to the point.”
“....yes....” Sungmin felt a little bit scared. Eeteuk was usually a cheerful person, talked softly and smiled, showing his dimple. Very rare time he showed his seriousness, only when there was a big problem waiting to be solved. But at that time, Sungmin could see the stiffness in Super Junior leader’s face. What is going on? Do I make a miserable mistake? Sungmin couldn’t find the answer.
“Do you have feeling for your roommate?”
“Eh? Hyung....?” Sungmin shocked, why on earth did Eeteuk suddenly ask him that question.
“Do you love Kyuhyunnie?”
Sungmin’s heart beat faster because of the question. “Umm... Yes...he’s my dongsaeng... Of course I love him, I love Wookie too, same with Eunhyukie and the others...” Sungmin lied. He didn’t want his hyung read his mind.
“Not that kind of love I mean...”
Sungmin chuckled, “Hyung, what is it about? Do you think I’m a gay?”
“Well...sort of...” Eeteuk replied him matter-of-factly.
“Oh Teukie hyung...What makes you think like that? No way, hyung. Just because I like pink and bunny, doesn’t mean I’m a gay!” Sungmin tried to defend himself.
“Sungminnie, listen to me...” Eeteuk said in a serious tone. He glared into Sungmin’s big round eyes.
“.......”
“I’m the leader of Super Junior. I’ve learnt each of our member personalities. It’s my duty. I can read every expression of happiness, joy, sad, anger, passion... You all are like my little brothers. I know there’s something between you two!”
“........”
“I’ve seen how gentle and care when you look at him, how you touch him with so much affection, how soft your tone when you talk to him. Maybe you even don’t realize how happy you are when he’s around you, how your cheeks turn a bright pink, how genuine your smile to him...”
“Hyung.... I....”
“Even ELFs know...”
“....I.... I don’t know...”
“A boy-boy love is forbidden, it is a sin, you know that, don’t you?”
“Even it is a sin, I don’t think it will give any trouble if it’s a one sided love...”
“That’s what exactly I wanna tell you...”
“What do you mean, hyung? I don’t seem to understand...”
“Kyuhyunnie also has the same feeling for you... He’s falling for you...”
“Does he....??” A bright smile appeared in Sungmin’s cute face. Sungmin recalled the moments he had spent with Kyuhyun. Yes, how could he didn’t realize it? There is was something between them. Kyuhyun was a snarky magnae, but when it came to Sungmin, he would become a gentle and care man. He remembered how they had passed the last 5 years, teasing each other, comforting each other, cheering each other. He felt so grateful having him as a friend, as a bandmate, as a brother, as a roommate, and maybe he could become...
“Don’t you ever think to develop that forbidden love!!!” Eeteuk snapped him out of his thought.
“Why can’t I??” Sungmin raised his tone. Why couldn’t he struggle for something that he hoped for after all these waiting times. Why now? When he knew that his dream could be reality, not only an illusion.
“Do you want to disappoint your family? Your parents and brother might be ashamed of you! And what do you think other people would say? You are an idol, Lee Sungmin! Aren’t you afraid the media would expose this out loud? That would influence your career, your friendship, your work. We are not living in West countries where the gay or lesbian are welcome!”
“But I love him, hyung....”
“Loving someone doesn’t mean you must have that person in your arms...”
“We can hide it...”
“No, you can’t!”
“What?? Why??” Sungmin clenched his fists at his sides, his anger began to develop.
“I’ll tell you a secret, but before I tell you, promise me not to tell anyone else!”
“What is it about?” Sungmin felt uneasy. He could predict something negative in their conversation.
“Just promise me!”
“.......”
“Do I have your word?”
“...You have my word, hyung...”
“Do you know what the reasons that made Kibum and Hankyung leave?”
“Kibummie was focus on his career in becoming an actor, and Hankyung hyung also wanted to become an independent idol in his country”
“No, Sungmin. The REAL reasons.”
Sungmin gasped, “So that’s not the real reasons?”
“Nope.”
“I don’t understand...” Sungmin was really confused.
“Kibum and Donghae were in love each other. They hid it for themselves. No matter how hard they tried to hide it, SME knew. Heechul and Hankyung were also lovers. Different from Kibum and Donghae, Heechul and Hankyung never seemed to be bothered to hide their feeling to everyone. But those two love stories ended up in the same way. SME separated them, in the way that no one could think. SME won’t let anyone know about the affairs. They will do anything, I repeat, anything, to save their assets.”
“Why....??”
“ SME is afraid, if public knew that some members of Super Junior are gays, our popularity would go down. People would hate us and see us as bad example. I know, ELFs made us pairings with our members, but they believe it’s only for fun service. If people knew about the truth, I believe it would become a big scandal. So they did that, they tore them apart, in the name of goodness. I don’t know how but they have a very smooth way in doing each of their plans.”
“Do you mean???” Sungmin can’t believe what he just heard.
“Yes. SME made Kibum to sign so many contracts in filming, too much that he didn’t have time to practice singing and dancing as what Super Junior members supposed to do. Kibum had to obey them, because...you know...we have been bonded by contract with them and that means we have to do whatever they told us to. Hankyung...SME made him suffer...pushed him with too much activities, gave him unfair payment, made him sick but didn’t give him time to get rest, did not allow him to go back seeing his family, and a lot of cruel things that made Hankyung speak up for his freedom, sent a law suit against SME.”
“What about Kangin hyung? Did he also...??”
“No. Kangin is a different story. That was full accident. He was a straight person. SM didn’t interfere in his life.”
“D-do the other members know ab-about this, hyung?”
“No. None of our members know about it except me. Even Kibum and Hankyung themselves might not realize this.”
Sungmin was speechless. He even couldn’t think straight. All of this matters... He needed time to process what had just Eeteuk said. So what are we? Puppets of SME?? That’s not fair. We are human. We also have life. We have rights to be happy, to choose what we want to do.
“Sungminnie, I love you, and I love Kyuhunnie too. I love all of our members. You know I’ll do anything to protect Super Junior... But this time, I need your help.”
“What do you want me to do, hyung?”
“Stay away from Kyuhyun...”
“H-Hyung...”
“Even if you try to hide it with so much effort, still SME will figure it out. I just wonder...do the walls here have ears? Or they put candid camera in each corner of our dorm, our dance room practice, our studio... Every little thing that we do is always known by them... You two won’t make it...”
”B-but...”
“For the sake of Super Junior, please Sungmin... Please... You don’t want to see our members broken hearted because of losing another member, do you? You don’t want to make hundred of ELFs crying when they see another member walks out of Super Junior, do you? You don’t want to decrease one person out of ten, do you?”
“But I love him... I love him...” Sungmin’s voice sounded like a whisper, so fragile, so faint... Why must this thing happened in his life? Why him of all people?
“If you really love Kyuhyunnie, you will do the best for him. You will not endanger him in the foolish love of yours...”
“........” Sungmin couldn’t form a sentence, not even a word. The situation forced him to give up even when the battle had not started yet. He felt so lonely, so weak... He felt so lost... Lost in the middle of nowhere...
“You can choose, stay beside Kyuhyun, love him in silence as you always do, pretend that he doesn’t love you and you can still be with him every single day OR confess your feeling to him, live as a lover for a very short time until SME know and you will loose him!”
“.....I-I.....”
“I know you will choose the right and the best way, Sungmin-ah... Beside, our people don’t accept gay...” Eeteuk’s voice soften.
A deep, a very deep sigh “....F-Fi-Fine...”
Eeteuk hugged him tight “Thank you Sungmin-ah... Thank you... I trust you...”
No word could describe the painful creeping in all of Sungmin’s heart, body, and mind...
******************************************************************
It was raining hard one evening. Sungmin was reading a book in his bed when Kyuhyun entered their shared bedroom which located in 11th floor of the dorm. Kyuhyun came to him, a pink stuffed bunny with a heart written “KyuMin” in hand.
“Sungmin hyung, saranghae...” Kyuhyun said as he gave Sungmin the bunny, blushed at the confession.
Sungmin almost jumped, but then he calmed down, take the bunny as he said, “Kyuhyun-ah, I love you too... We are brothers, rights? And ooh...thank you for the bunny, I like it.” He held the bunny and smiled.
“Hyung, it’s not what I mean...” A frown formed in his face.
“Hmm?? So what is it?” Sungmin asked, showing a clueless expression even though he had known the matter.
Kyuhyun took a deep breath, “I love you, Lee Sungmin, in a way that a man loves a woman as his lover...”
‘A boy-boy love is forbidden, is it a sin...’ Eeteuk’s words echoed in Sungmin’s ears.
“You gotta be kidding me...” Sungmin forced a fake laugh.
“Hyung, I’m serious...” Kyuhyun said in stress tone.
‘Loving someone doesn’t mean you must have that person in your arms...’ Again, Eeteuk’s words popped out from Sungmin’s mind.
“It’s not funny Kyu...”
“Hyung, I love you... Do you love me back?”
“Kyuhyun...” Yes, I do. I love you with all my heart, body, and soul... Sungmin wanted to scream those words out loud but his throat felt dry.
“Please tell me you love me too, hyung...” Kyuhyun pulled Sungmin close, his hands hold Sungmin’s arms so he could face Sungmin right in front of his face. Their eyes met.
“I do love you, but not in this way...” I’m in denial, please forgive me Kyu...
“I can feel it, hyung. All those touches...those glances...those smiles...those loving words...”
‘Stay away from Kyuhyun...’ Like a reminder, Eeteuk’s words avoided him to become one with the one he loved.
Sungmin broke the gaze and looked the other way. “You are wrong, that’s only for funservice...”
“Don’t lie to me hyung... I know you feel the same way as I do... Your eyes can’t lie...” Kyuhyun embraced him tightly like there was no tomorrow. Sungmin almost gave up. He could sniff Kyuhyun’s scent, felt Kyuhyun’s warmth and that drove him crazy.
‘For the sake of Super Junior, please Sungmin... Please...’
“Kyuhyun-ah, you misunderstood me! Let me go!” Sungmin struggled and freed himself from Kyuhyun.
“Why are you acting like this?”
“What? Me? No. Why are YOU acting like that?”
Kyuhyun let out a frustrated sigh, “Because I love you! It’s obvious!”
‘You don’t want to see our members’ broken hearted because of losing another member, do you? You don’t want to make hundred of ELFs crying when they see another member walks out of Super Junior, do you? You don’t want to decrease one person out of ten, do you?’
“But I don’t love you in that way. I love someone else...” I’m lying, i’m sorry Kyuhyun-ah...
A loud thunder could be heard right after Sungmin’s words. Kyuhyun felt as if that thunderbolt not only happened outside their dorm, but he felt it inside his heart too. Sungmin’s words worked as a thunderbolt that broke his heart into pieces. “That’s impossible...” Kyuhyun let out a hoarse and weak voice.
“It’s true. You have to get over it! I love Sunny. In fact I’m in a relationship with her now.” Sungmin’s voice sounded steady. He tried his best to convince the man in front of him.
“But... But you said to the media that there’s nothing going on between you two!” Kyuhyun yelled, anger built inside him.
“Well, we have to hide it. Our fans will not be happy if they know the truth. Sunny and I agreed to make it as a secret and not allow anyone else to find out, not even the members of Super Junior and SNSD. So if you ask her, she will absolutely deny it. I...I perforce telling you because you are acting like this!”
“But hyung...” Kyuhyun reached out his hand to touch Sungmin.
‘Even if you try to hide it with so much effort, still SME will figure it out...the walls here have ears... Every little thing that we do is always known by them...’
“No! Don’t come near me!” Sungmin took a step back.
“Min hyung...”
‘If you really love Kyuhyunnie, you will do the best for him. You will not endanger him in the foolish love of yours...’
“If you make a move forward, I’ll ask Teukie hyung to re-arrange the room! You make me scared, Kyuhyunnie!”
“Am I that disgusting until you don’t want me touching you???” If a look could have kill, Sungmin would have been dead at that time as he looked into Kyuhyun’s dark brown orbs. Kyuhyun’s eyes were filled with sadness, hurt, disappointment, anger, bitter, betrayal, pain, all mixed into one.
It took all Lee Sungmin’s willpower not to approach Kyuhyun right away. How he wanted so bad to hug him, comfort him, soothe him by telling how much he cared and loved the said man.
“Fine, I’ll go...” and then Kyuhyun headed to the door, opened it just to slam it shut again after he went away.
Don’t go Kyuhyun.. Don’t go... Please come back... But those words never came out of Sungmin’s mouth. He felt his body tremble. He could no longer hold back the burden on his body. It hurt. It hurt so much as if an arrow had embedded right on his heart and he could not breath. He looked down, and soon fell on his knees. He kept his eyes down, then he felt cold liquid drop from his eyes wetting the floor. The rain kept pouring down to the earth as if they joined Sungmin in his tears...
*****************************************************************
It was late at night. Sungmin was watching TV in the couch but his mind flied to the one he loved who had not returned to the dorm yet. A few minutes after, Donghae came to their dorm, standing in the hallway while holding an unconscious Kyuhyun with his arms.
“Sungmin hyung, help me...”
“Donghae? Kyuhyun? Oh my God... What happened to him, Hae?” Immediately Sungmin approached them and helped Donghae to hold Kyuhyun. Alcohol smell on Kyuhyun’s breath.
“I don’t know hyung, I found him in the bar we used to come when we celebrate something... It seems that he drunk...he drank too much I guess...”
“Oh....” Sungmin began to feel distress.
“Come on hyung, let’s get him to the bed...”
“Oh you’re right. Come on!”
“Hyung, is there something wrong between you two? Did you have a fight or something?” Donghae asked Sungmin as soon as they put Kyuhyun on the bed.
“What? Why do you ask me that?”
“Well, because Kyu kept mumbling words like ‘Sungmin hyung...why...’ ‘No, it didn’t happen’ ‘Min hyung...you lied...’ ‘Hyung why you do that to me?’ So I guess he had problem with you...”
“I...we...we had a little conflict this afternoon...”
“Do you need any help?” Donghae’s face full of concern.
“No. You don’t have to worry, it was just a little misunderstanding. I’ll make it up to him as soon as he wakes up...”
“Humm... I hope you two will find the way out soon... You can ask me if you need any help. I’ll be happy to do that.” Donghae smiled. Somehow his smile made Sungmin a little relieved.
“Okay... Thank you...” Sungmin smiled back.
“It’s late. I’m going upstairs and get some rest. Have a rest too, Sungmin hyung, we have hectic schedules tomorrow...” he said as he left the room and closed the door.
“Yes Hae, I will. Thank you...”
After Donghae left the room, Kyuhyun woke up and from his gestures, Sungmin knew that he’s was going to puke. Sungmin helped him to the bathroom (thanks to his ability in martial arts that he didn’t face difficulty handling Kyuhyun) waited for him patiently and when he finished, Sungmin washed his face with warm water, helped him back to the bed, changed his clothes, and covered him with blanket to make his body warm and comfortable. Soon, he drift off to sleep.
“Kyuhyun-ah, why did you do this stupid thing? I’m not worth it...” Sungmin said softly as he stroke Kyuhyun’s hair affectionately.
“...Sungmin hyung..... saranghae hyung...” Kyuhyun whispered in his sleep as if he heard Sungmin and answered him.
“I’m sorry Kyuhyunnie...” Sungmin saw his vision blurry as tears started forming in his eyes. Hurting people that he loved was the last thing Sungmin wanted to do. And now, seeing a broken Kyuhyun in front of him made him feel he was in the edge of his life. He would do anything, anything that could ease Kyuhyun’s pain. He was willing to give everything that could make the magnae get out from his sadness.
“...Min hyung...why...” Kyuhyun murmured, still in his dream. Hearing those words, Sungmin let a river of clear water ran from his eyes down his cheeks. He felt his heart sink. Deep inside his heart, he felt his guilt increasing more and more as Kyuhyun kept murmured those words.
Sungmin was a strong man. Give him a rival in taekwondo that twice taller and bigger than himself, Sungmin will easily defeat him. But face him with a Kyuhyun-in-blue, for sure he will become vulnerable. Having broken legs and broken arms were much more bearable than having a broken heart.
“I’m sorry Kyu... I’m so sorry...”
*****************************************************************
The next few days were awkward situation between Kyuhyun and Sungmin. Sungmin tried several times to talk to Kyuhyun, but his roommate seemed to avoid him. After that, he gave up, he stayed away from Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun did the same. Sungmin busied himself in his study, his singing and dancing practice, when he got spare time, he would spend his time with Ryeowook. In the other hand, Kyuhyun kept playing starcraft, in addition of his singing and dancing practice, or visited the 12th floor and spent most of his time there. The only time when they saw each other was when they got to sleep. But no words exchanged between them. They would silently cry before sleep without each other knew.
Eeteuk, being a good leader he was, realized that strange situation. But he could do nothing about it. He had wished he have done something to help his dongsaeng out of the problem, but he had not found the way out. I’m sorry Sungminnie... I’m sorry Kyuhyunnie... Eeteuk could only whisper those words to the wind...
After a week that seemed to be forever, Kyuhyun finally made a move to reconcile with his favourite hyung, “Min hyung... I... I want to apologize for what happened last week... Please just forget it...” he started the conversation.
“It’s okay Kyuhyunnie... I’m the one who should say sorry to you...” Sungmin said happily, a sincere smile on his face.
“Well, at least we can still be friends...and brothers, aren’t we?” Kyuhyun asked, still didn’t expect too much. hoping to much. He could still feel the pain of rejection he had got before.
“Yes, of course Kyu... After all, we are in the same group, we are Super Junior. How can we survive if we stay away from each other?” Sungmin’s calm voice gave comfort to Kyuhyun’s ears. Oh how he missed those voice so much.
“Yeah... ELFs will be mad if we don’t show any skinship. We are KyuMin, right?” a hint of sorrow behind the words.
“Yes...”
“And... I wish you happiness with Sunny. No one will know about it. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“Thank you Kyu...”
“So... shake hands?” Kyuhyun let out his hand.
“Sure!” Sungmin accepted it whole-heartedly, he held the grip tight.
They stayed still for couples of minutes, enjoying each other’s presence simply by the touch in the hands and the loving gaze each other gave. Whoever saw the scene must realize the unspoken feelings they had, the feelings of concern, care... and love.
“OK then, I gotta go now, I have something to do.” Kyuhyun was the first who broke the grip.
“Be careful Kyu...”
And then Kyuhyun walked to the door. Just before he touched the doorknob, he turned around to face Sungmin and said,
“Oh hyung, you don’t have to be worry or scare of me again. I love you, i do really love you, but since you didn’t reciprocate my feeling, i’ll try to throw it away...” A glint of sore could be seen in Kyuhyun’s face and voice. He paused for a moment, looking down at the floor. Then a bitter smile showed as he continued his sentences, “However, life must go on... I’m going on a date with Yoona tomorrow night. I guess I make a right decision to move on, don’t I? See you later, hyung...” with those words, Kyuhyun left the room.
Sungmin stepped towards the window in slow motion, he opened it wide. His heart ached, his head dizzied. He hugged tight the pink stuffed bunny that Kyuhyun had given gave him a week before, as if not wanting to let it go, not wanting to let the person out of his life. He let the wind blow his hair and cool his body from sudden tenses that he had after his conversation with Kyuhyun. He just had let Kyuhyun out from his life... How stupid I am... He could only form a bitter smile upon his beautiful face. He couldn’t cry anymore. Somehow his tear duct had been empty, no more tears remained due to too much crying the nights before.
I hope you can find your happiness Kyu... I’ll do anything to make you happy, even if it cost my own happiness... But this is the best for you... I won’t let you get trouble for loving me... I’ll pray for you... I’ll always love you even though you don’t know it... I’ll always love you... For eternity...
Loving you not because I want you to be mine, but loving you just because I want you to be happy, that’s all... I can’t deny this feeling...
And now, every time we see Sungmin’s bitter sweet smile, we know the reason why...
*****************************************************************
NOTE: This is a FAIL, i’ve told you before. Should I continue writing? I think I don’t have any ability for that... I’m so sorry for breaking the KyuMin. Feel free to throw me bricks, hit me, slap me, mock me, yell me... *runs away*. So, anybody wants for a sequel? The happy-ending one? If you wish for, I’ll try to make it. Just give me your note. Comments and critics please... I’m craving for comments... *winks* KyuMin is love forever!!!! <3