XIV: Yotsuba

Mar 19, 2005 17:00

XIV: Yotsuba )

Leave a comment

Comments 7

worstangel March 19 2005, 22:13:20 UTC
*first comment dance*

Nice chapter. I liked the standoff with the bullets; so very L-like. ^_^ Well done!

... Watari had fallen asleep on my typewriter, a mess of gray fur atop the keys, a mess of black letters strewn across the pristine white paper.

I like the way that's structured, it's pretty cool.

Reply


sub_divided March 19 2005, 22:15:39 UTC
Awesome. I like that the mob seems like a better place to be than Yotsuba Corp, who pretend to be legitimate. And I loved the "did they announce it on the radio" paragraph. Way to beat the readers to a potential sticking point.

It's also cool that you give L a lot of observations and Namikawa a lot of "I see your reputation is deserved" lines, because L's been a little passive so far. Or not passive, but swept along by the plot. Small things like this help make up for that.

Heee, you named the Yotsuba guys one by one just like they did in the manga. It's a little confusing, just like it was in the manga.

Reply

lacunarity March 19 2005, 22:28:43 UTC
And the naming thing had nothing to do with the fact that I wrote this in a notebook far away from my computer and I had forgotten to look up their names beforehand. Nuh uh. Not a thing.

Reply


stolenkisses_ March 19 2005, 23:02:43 UTC
Another wonderful chapter. Very vivid- especially when L was held at gunpoint.
I love that even though this is AU, nothing feels too strange or forced, everything is just right. ^^ <33

Reply


firedraygon97 March 20 2005, 07:24:04 UTC
Heh, I like how L's logic stumps the Yotsuba members. (well, what did I expect?) Lovely chapter. I almost forgot your Watari is a cat, so I had to do a double-take when I came upon the last scene. ^^; In any case, great job. XP

Reply


caatalyst March 21 2005, 06:10:19 UTC
Mm. The smell of a first review. Aaaalmost better than coffee.
...
Almost.
...But anyways.

Up to this point you have been doing a wonderful job of portraying our favorite characters. It took Yrena a few minutes to realize that Rem was...well, Rem. But that's only because she's extremely slow. And the Misa bit was completely adorable. The way you made her was amazing because most people make her seem like this ditzy, blunt, ignorant girl but your version was more..hm. Real! Not to mention I am one of the very few people who is a Misa-fan. Not at all because the second I found someone else who freakishly speaks in third person sometimes +cough+

So please! Keep up the good work. This is an...wow just an amazing story. <3 Watari the cat pwnz me.

Reply


Leave a comment

Up