Panic attack again.  I really feel like I'm panicking this time.  I have to calm down.  I have to get through this.  What do I feel?  I feel like I can't breathe.  I'm dizzy.  I have that dizzy feeling in my head.  Not like the room is spinning, like my brain is spinning.  I can't breathe.  Breathe.  It's not real.  It's just stress.  I had a bad ( Read more... )

Wendy is teething hard.  I guess.  I hope.  Her fever was 101 under her armpit today and even tylenol doesn't seem to help.  Weaning has gone out the window because boob is the only thing that can soothe her.  I feel so bad for her, I've never seen her in so much pain.  I keep thinking about the girl Denise worked with who's ten month old got a  ( Read more... )

Wendy is about to cut her top teeth. Finally. I'm betting all four within the next 2 weeks. She is miserable, constipated, can't stop sweating or drooling, can't sleep. I picked a hell of a time to try to wean her! Honestly, 90% of the time I still feel like a bitch about it. But it just wasn't working for me anymore. She is one of those ( Read more... )

I think of so many good things to write about during the day but never have the time/motivation until I'm fucking losing it. I still don't feel great-- been short of breath since this afternoon, jaw still sucks, but it's not getting worse so I guess I'm not grinding my teeth anymore. I don't think I actually had PPD but I do think that all the ( Read more... )

I really need to be asleep right now but I feel like I'm having a panic attack. The first since January. I was afraid of this. Why can't my body handle stress? I don't think I ever handled these right. I need to just talk myself through it until it goes away. I'm not going to die like this, no matter how much and how loudly my brain tells me ( Read more... )

  Name something that made you smile today?
My daughter throwing a bag of diapers on the cat and then cracking up.

What were you doing at 7:00 AM?
Eating/feeding the babe breakfast.

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you choose?
The money.  Don't have any regrets worth nearly that much money.

Do you ( Read more... )

Why do people on the internet have to be fucking assholes?

I posted a question on military.com, asking for information about if it would be possible for me to move to Georgia to be close to Ryan.  I was formal and made my questions clear.  All I have gotten are judgements.  I don't want anyone's fucking judgements.  It's not like I even said "I'M ( Read more... )

Today is my first full day without Ryan.  It sucks.  I miss him.  It doesn't help that I'm PMSing.  I have no motivation to do anything, except eat.  Unfortunately, I've been grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw in my sleep so bad lately my jaw has become LOCKED and I can hardly open it.  So my diet is somewhat limited.  I had it worked out ( Read more... )

Hello, livejournal.  Long time, no see.  Like, about a year.  I won't even begin to unravel the tale of the last year.  It has been long and crazy.  The reason I am here today is that I have entered a phase in my life that I know is going to be stressful and I know now that if I do not deal with my stress and emotions, I will get very sick.  So I ( Read more... )

Yeah, so I hold grudges ( Read more... )