{55}
Back on my Feet
None (Nino-centric)
PG-13ish
written for butabara_blokku, who was kind enough to donate during arashi_on's fundraiser event for japan. ♥
this is unbeta'd, probably full of errors, and slightly differs from arashi's actual timeline/story. also, it's genderswap. there's your warning.
ACT I
It's the summer of 1996, the heat rolling in waves and making the grass wriggle in front of her eyes. The rough skin of the baseball itches against her palm as the sweat trickles down, dragging gritty little clumps with it. Her whole arm is blackened with dirt from the last alley ball that came her way, and her shoulder throbs with the reminder of her slide into the umpire as she raced for home base in the last inning. They're one run away from winning the game; a strike would mean victory, a home-run would spell defeat, and it's all riding on whether or not she can get the wind-up of this pitch right. Her last few throws have been a bit off, more to the left than she's meaning them to go.
Don't think so much, she scolds herself. You're the ace pitcher-- girl or not, you can strike out anyone that steps up to your plate.
The catcher shifts nervously. His fingers twitch a little as he signs for a fast ball.
"Now or never," she breathes out, her grip on the ball tightening as she nods confirmation. "Just try and hit this."
The batter hunches down, readies his bat, and when she catches sight of the small turn to his foot that sets him a little off-balance she strikes. Her wind-up is quick, and before anyone can blink the ball is snapping out of her fingers, heading right down the center of the plate. There's no sound at first, just the rush of her own blood as it races through her, and when the batter swings she almost winces as she waits for the tell-tale crack of a home-run.
Instead, she hears the call of the umpire rising over the protests of the opposing team.
"That's the third out! Game over!" he cries. "Star Pitcher, Ninomiya Kazumi, has won the game!"
There's a roar all around her now; the audience is up in their seats, cheering, and her team is surrounding her, lifting her up and chanting her name like it's the only word they know. She catches the eye of her coach and offers him a salute that he returns with a laugh.
A shrill beeping sounds in the air, but she ignores it. The little league trophy is pushed into her outstretched hands and it feels so good to hold it high, gold glinting in the sunlight and standing out so beautifully against the red-orange of the setting sky. It's heavy and huge and her sweating palms keep slipping, but it's theirs now.
"League champions!" she hollers, screaming with her friends until her voice cracks, feeling so happy her chest might just burst.
And then the support under her vanishes, one by one, the disappearance of each person sending her rocking like she's a boat caught in a storm. She's thrown this way and that until she's falling towards the ground, the ballpark turning to black, and then the ground comes rushing at her.
Nino jerks awake with a loud gasp and smacks her face on the coffee table as she drops off the couch. She yelps in pain, feeling the blood welling up in her newly-split lip already, and turns to glare at the shadow of her older sister hovering above her, alarm clock in hand.
"What the hell was that for?" she whines. The carpet is rugged and unforgiving, scraping at her palms as she pushes herself to her feet.
Kazue just holds the beeping monstrosity out at her and gives her a look. "Not my fault you're deaf. Mom said to do whatever I needed as long as it woke you up."
"Great." Nino touches a hand to her cut lip and hisses lightly. "Well, thanks, now I'm bleeding."
"You'll live," Kazue replies, rolling her eyes. The alarm clock is thrust in her face again. "Get dressed. You're gonna be late for your audition."
Grudgingly, Nino pushes past and heads up the stairs to her room. Today's the big day, or so her mom keeps saying. She doesn't know why her mom is so insistent about this-- maybe it's got something to do with old dreams being passed on with the generations, Nino doesn't really know or care-- but she's up early on a Sunday, and instead of tugging on her baseball uniform and heading down to pitch circles around the boys she's getting ready to apply for a job as an entertainer.
Her mom picked out something cute and flashy the night before, even bought her a few new hair clips, but Nino passes right by the sparkling outfit on her bed. Instead of a ruffled skirt and a midriff with lacy things on it, she slips into an old, torn pair of jeans and a t-shirt; but just so her mom doesn't feel like the outfit is unappreciated completely, Nino takes the new clips and gratefully pins back her fringe.
She stops by the bathroom long enough to check on her lip and gets distracted by a thought. What she sees now is so normal; Nino is just a girl with rough edges, age thirteen, with slightly burned skin and frayed, short hair from spending so much time out on the field playing ball. If she leans a little closer, tilts her head, she can see herself a few years from now, can imagine a face coated with make-up that sports a stereotypical idol-smile, her skin too pale and her teeth too straight, her hair long and curled and styled to perfection, showcasing everything so differently than what she is now.
Nino grimaces at the thought and quickly heads downstairs.
Let's get this over with, she inwardly scowls. Then I can buy myself a new glove.
After the dreaded audition (that wasn't really so bad, all she did was ride a bike and sway), time seems to whip past. Temperatures drop, sending the leaves into a flurry of orange and yellow as they flutter to the ground. School begins again in the fall, and Nino busies herself with a comfortable mix of homework, gaming, guitar playing, and baseball.
The good thing about having no friends, she supposes, is that she has a lot of time to get things done.
So much time passes, in fact, that she forgets all about her near run-in with the entertainment industry until one Wednesday when she gets a green sheet of paper in the mail. Her mother, thrilled, instantly declares that night deserving of her special dumplings, and pins the letter to the fridge with a magnet.
Unfortunately for Nino, no matter how many times she rereads it, the message never changes.
Ninomiya Kazumi-san,
We at Johnny's Entertainment are pleased to inform you that your final audition has been reviewed and given passing marks. You have passed your last test, and we congratulate you for your talent and hard work. Please come to our company next Sunday at noon for lessons. Directions are enclosed, should you need them.
Dressier clothing is not necessary as your next lesson will be a dance rehearsal. Please dress comfortably but appropriately.
Sincerely,
Johnny's & Associates
Even when crumpled to hell and back the paper is impossible to ignore.
Nino's first day at 'work' would easily be remembered as one of the weirdest days in her life.
Against her mom's best arguments to "make a good first impression by looking adorable yet hardworking", Nino picks out her rattiest pair of sweats and a slightly holey t-shirt, barely even giving her bedhead a comb-through with her hands before slumping out the front door.
She gets groped on the train, nearly hit by a car, and no less than three large dogs attempt to smother her (with drool and love and sharp fangs, respectively). Navigating through the company is a huge pain in the ass, and every person she asks either has no time for her or they have no idea where she's supposed to go either. Despite all that, she makes it to her lesson early enough to steal a donut from the breakfast table before the choreographer comes in and starts throwing orders left and right.
Getting barked at to listen and then scolded when she couldn't get it right wasn't new to her, so that couldn't even begin to count for why her first lesson was so bizarre. In fact, it had absolutely nothing to do with turns and kicks and the proper way to 'lock'.
The rehearsal room was smaller than what Nino thought it would be, but it had furniture in it that Nino didn't anticipate, such as the I-found-this-on-a-side-road couch set up against the far wall. The thing had to be older than Nino, had to be older than Nino's own mother, but she pushed that thought aside.
After all, today's weirdness was more of a 'who' than a 'what'.
The aforementioned weirdness was an unknown kid-- maybe around her age, give or take a few years-- who was just sitting on the disreputable couch, watching all the other kids dance. Gender, unknown; but even if Unknown Kid had hair so long and soft that Kazue would probably kill an orphan for something even half as nice, his build seemed a bit too masculine.
Appearances aside, the biggest kick in the ass is that the faculty didn't pay Kid any attention. (Seeing as Nino had tried to take a break in the middle of practice and nearly got reamed a new one, this was a bit further down on the unfairness scale.) Nino took a gulp of water and considered the options.
President's son?
There seemed to be too much of a lack of elegance and importance for that.
Choreographer's pet?
If so, Kid would probably be in the front of the class.
Hard worker that got the steps down on day one?
Too disinterested in... everything, it seemed.
Nino was starting to run out of ideas, and so, of course, that's when Kid turned and looked right at her. Now that Nino had a fullview of his face, he seemed a lot younger than she'd thought. Round-faced though he was, he was definitely not a girl.
Normally, Nino would be adverse to the whole 'staring into a stranger's eyes from across the room' thing, but whoever this kid was he didn't seem to mind it. In fact, he just stared at her back, like how he'd been watching at the class earlier. It almost felt like something was going to happen.
Then, slowly, calmly, he shoved his finger up his nose and started digging. While staring Nino right in the eye.
And no one else even glanced his way.
Staff member, Nino decided at last. Every company has a quiet, creepy, potential-to-go-trigger-happy staff member.
With that in mind, Nino broke the staring contest and wandered off to find her bag. She'd learned enough about twirling and flapping like an idiot today.
It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that the Johnny's market was mostly made up of male idols. Sure, they had a girl group or two, but it was the flowery, pretty boys that really kept the company floating steady like an island instead of like a rowboat.
After the first week since the final audition, Nino was the only girl that hadn't quit (if only because her mom wouldn't let her and, no matter how annoying, a job was a job and money was money). It took another two weeks before the boys around her started noticing it, though.
"Hey!"
Nino was probably the most ungirly girl these kids would ever meet, but they were still hounding her for dates. Desperate times call for desperate measures, or something.
"Aren't you the girl in my dance class? It's so weird that you ride this train, too. Do you live in Chiba? Or close to Chiba, I guess, since this train goes to more than just there. Oh! That reminds me! Do you have the new moves down yet? I can't get the step-twirl-stepstep thing down, and I could really use some help. I can't pay you with money or anything, but my house is a Chinese restaurant so I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind feeding you."
After talking a calming breath, Nino turns to her new pest and says, very clearly, "I will not touch, suck, and/or ride your dick. Ever."
The boy blinks at her, silent for only a short moment before a grin spreads across his face. "Okay, but you'll help me with the dance steps, right?"
ACT II
She's gonna be sick.
The buzz of press is everywhere, rocking her emotions around and spinning things around until there's only a constant state of confusion filling her head with static.
"What's it like to be debuting after all this time?"
Debut.
Good lord, she had not signed up for this at all. When Nino took this stupid job dancing around in the background, she'd done it to help pay bills and maybe even upgrade the ratty baseball equipment she'd been stuck playing with for nearly ten years-- the only hand-me-downs from her father that she even bothered to keep. Oh, right, and there was that little matter of her dreams of studying acting in America.
She should've waited with Sho in that stuffy, messy office for Johnny-san and told him just where he could shove his damn Arashi.
"Ninomiya-san?"
"It's really hard to believe that this is actually happening. I'm not too sure how good of an idol I'll be, but I'll do my best and work hard."
Not what she was told to say, but close enough. The press are still smiling, snapping photos and blinding her with the constant flashing; somewhere in the background, the happy cheers from the fans are almost deafening and the boat beneath her feet seems to be reacting to all of the commotion, rocking with enough momentum to make her feel like tipping over.
She's gonna be sick.
The follow-up interviews of their debut are, thankfully, done on land. They're also given a few hours to get themselves cleaned up (mostly for Nino's sake) prior. Nino spends most of that time curled up on her stable bed, all the lights turned out. About an hour into her almost-nap, there's a steady knock on her door.
"Nino?" A soft voice calls out, cracking the door open when she doesn't reply. "Nino, are you in here?"
Sho.
"What?" She groans. There's no way it's time to go yet.
The door clicks again, the light of the hallway vanishing, and then Nino hears the soft shuffle of feet as Sho wanders over. She can feel him standing at the edge of her bed. He's definitely staring.
A beat of silence passes.
Sho sighs and pads away-- leaving already? But, no. She can hear the rush of water and hopes he didn't just break into her room so he could relieve himself in her bathroom.
Still, curiosity be damned, Nino petulantly keeps her eyes shut.
"I brought you something to get rid of the sickness." The bed sinks beside her. "Even got you a glass of water." A gentle hand brushes through her hair, and it's all very comforting until Sho gets tired of waiting and gives her a pinch on the thigh, right where her shorts have started riding up. "C'mon, brat. Gotta sit up to take it."
Nino swats his hand away and sits up. She's pretty sure that with her hair this fucked up and the bags under her eyes sinking deeper that she's somewhere on the scale between 'death warmed over' and 'dear god, what is that?'.
"This sucks," Nino announces once the pills and water have been downed. With a hum (of agreement, she's sure), Sho takes the glass and sets it back on the table. "Is it still too late for us to run away to America together?"
"And skip out on college?" he asks, trying his best not to smile.
"Transfer to Yale or Harvard." Nino scoffs. "They'll probably take you."
The hand in her hair is expected, but Nino still lets out a surprised noise, slapping at Sho's stomach when he rucks up her hair even more. "I'm gonna be stuck with the stylists for another hour," she whines. The cowlick at the back of her head is standing straight up.
Sho shrugs and wanders to the door. Obviously, her hair means nothing to him. "You could always shove your head in the bathtub. Or shower. You could probably use one--"
Life still pretty much sucks, but the loud smack of the pillow as it bounces off of Sho's face does make her feel a little better, even if it starts a war that leaves her with only twenty minutes to fix the mess she's become.
It's blinding.
That's all Nino can think when the stage lights all flip on and the roar of people screaming deafens her. Everything is so damn bright, she can barely see a few feet ahead of her.
The music kicks on a moment later, a pounding bass, and the first beat of it scares the shit out of her and makes her feel sick at the same time. Her entire body is vibrating.
This is insane.
Almost reflexively, she dances and lip-syncs just like they practiced. As she moves out of the spotlight and the colors start fading from her eyes, her own face follows her. There are so many people holding an uchiwa of her, bouncing along and singing to the only freaking song they have, and it's all she can do not to pull someone out of the crowd and ask them WHY they're doing it, all of it.
What are they seeing that she isn't?
Sweat pools in the most uncomfortable places, under the most uncomfortable (and ugly) of costumes. Still, she keeps dancing and singing because that's what idols do; and that's what she is now, right?
She's an idol, a role-model, a star.
Nino is sixteen, without a clue what she's meant to be doing or why she's doing it.
It could have been anyone, but it was her. As the fans cheer, Nino feels an overwhelming amount of guilt for the juniors backing her, who have dreams of making it big and one day standing right where she is now.
This is the day she's been given everything she's never wanted, and a huge part of her hopes that she can wait for the day when it becomes something that she never knew she needed.
"Ninomiya-san, what's it like to be the only girl in the group?"
The first time Nino is asked that, she actually has to force herself not to reply with the first thing that came to mind because there are words in that sentence that an idol shouldn't say. Especially the part where Aiba declared her an honorary boy at their last practice when he backflipped onto her and she tripped him into a mirror.
To be honest, she's never really thought much about it. They've only been Arashi for a short while, and it's not like she gets special treatment. Sure, she gets her own private room to change clothes for photoshoots and performances, but it takes her ten minutes at most to go from one suit to another.
It's not even like the other members are trying to catch a glimpse of her flat-chested wonder. Sometimes Aiba will stick his head in and wolf-whistle, but he did the same thing to Sho yesterday so Nino isn't buying too much into it. Also, he's an idiot.
In the end, all Nino can do is shrug and offer up what she feels is a shy smile, even lowering her eyes to appear more embarrassed about it. "It's not a big deal," she mumbles as the cameras flash. "They treat me kindly and take care of me. Like big brothers."
Today's concert went surprisingly well, what with Aiba managing not to screw up any of the dance moves and Jun staying as close to on-pitch as he'd ever get, but there's a huge cloud of dissatisfaction hanging in the air once they took their final bows and were herded towards the showers.
It seemed like the empty seats in the crowd were steadily growing.
Nino sighs, already resigned, and trudges down the hall to Ohno's room. If she has to sit through another group meeting, she's going to get there early and stake claim on some part of the bed, at the very least.
By the time the meeting ends, it's nearly three in the morning. Aiba and Ohno are both sprawled together on Ohno's bed and snoring up a storm, having crashed sometime between Jun's proposition about moving stages and a lengthy rant about budgeting.
It's unanimously decided to leave them be.
Sho disappears quickly after that (he still had some homework to finish), and that just leaves Jun and Nino to wrap things up. All the big issues taken care of, the meeting ends an hour later and they both wander away to get some sleep.
Their rooms are in the same hallway so they head back together, silently; it's obvious that something's on Jun's mind, but Nino is tired of talking. She just wants to curl up in her empty, quiet room and sleep away the exhaustion. Just after waving goodbye and wishing him a nice sleep, right as her fingers curl around the doorknob, so close, she feels Jun's hand on her arm.
Dejected and too weary to hide it, Nino sighs. "Something else I can help you with, Jun-kun?"
"Why don't you ever say anything?" Jun blurts out, looking as startled by his own question as Nino feels. Apparently, that wasn't what he'd planned to start out with. "You, Aiba-kun, and Leader-- I mean, whenever we have group meetings it's either me or Sho talking. You could complain or protest, you know. It's not just meant for pitching ideas."
For a while, she says nothing. At this point, after being in Arashi this long and seeing how much people want them to succeed, saying that she doesn't really care won't cut it anymore. She does care. Arashi could be so much, but none of it is what she wanted.
She never asked for this, and yet here it is, plopped right in her lap and taking up her life.
Jun is staring at her like he'll wait forever for an answer, then maybe another lifetime or two if it isn't a good enough answer. He so earnestly wants them to do well, to reach the top; he whole-heartedly loves Arashi, and Nino is startled to find that when she thinks of it ending so soon, her chest actually hurts.
"It's confusing, this whole Johnnys Idol thing." She admits, then scratches awkwardly at her neck. "I've never been good with people. I don't even like talking very much. Before Arashi, I just played video games and baseball. With all that's going on, I can't tell left from right so I'm just trying to hold on."
Nino pauses, attempts to wrestle the rest of her thoughts into a coherent sentence. Not for the first time, she's so very glad Jun holds to his strict professionalism; it must be hard not to interrupt.
"I don't really know what to do. You know how to think like the crowd, Sho-chan is good at playing devil's advocate; I don't really have anything to contribute. This isn't my world. What draws a crowd, what makes us sell-- I don't get any of that, but I am trying to."
Slowly, the grip on her arm lessens. Whatever point Nino had been trying to make out of all that, Jun seems to have gotten it. The atmosphere is weird, though; like there's still something Nino forget to address. She narrows her eyes, looks a little closer, and nearly slaps herself when she finally gets it.
With an attitude like his, it's so easy to forget that Jun is the youngest. They're all still pretty much kids, but Jun isn't even twenty yet-- not even twenty and even Sho gets a bit boggled when he sees the workload that Jun is trying to pull by himself.
They're breaking so many of the entertainment world norms-- the more notable examples being that most of them didn't want to debut and their leader refused to take charge-- that of course everything is so different from the usual plan that Johnnys stick to. Of course they're having such a hard time now.
Seems like no one else knew what to do with them either.
"Jun-kun."
"Hm?"
"We all trust you, y'know. With Arashi."
There's no mistaking the flush that spreads across his face. He looks embarrassed but pleased, and Nino smiles, so very ready to put this serious, slightly depressing conversation behind her. She's also very ready to crash on her bed; Jun offers her a smile like he understands (which Nino doesn't doubt) and vanishes down the hall after offering her a quick 'goodnight'.
Back in her room, Nino barely manages to strip off her clothes before she's burrowing under the covers and fast asleep. The soft vibration of her phone as it skitters across the bedside table is duly ignored; and so, waiting for her in the morning after dragging herself to the shower, is a text from Jun.
I know you said this isn't your world... but maybe it could be.
Nino smiles around her toothbrush and saves it for a rainy day.
The performance is the no different than usual, the same set-list as the entire tour, except that tonight there are a few minor errors in judgment and timing, a couple things get moved around, and suddenly they find themselves with a gap of time between a group song and Sho's solo that they have no idea what to do with.
It's a pretty troubling gap; too long for the crowd to sit through without noticing, too short for them to squeeze a repeat song into. Not to mention that Sho still has to get ready for his solo, Aiba is still recovering from a nasty cold, and Jun is finishing his own song.
Nino talks about with the band, but they're really just hired help and only know the pre-learned songs and a few original beats they've slapped together.
That's when Ohno sidles up and throws out the most ridiculous idea ever.
"Just play whatever. Nino and I can make it up as we go."
And so, of course, everyone thinks it's the best choice they've got.
"This is the stupidest thing ever," Nino says. She doesn't even care that she's whining right now. Their costumes look stupid. "We look stupid." The fans were going to laugh and Nino's older sister will never let her live this down. "Why are we doing this?"
"For Arashi." Ohno smiles. "And for Uzbekistan."
"And our forbidden, foreign relationship?" Nino rolls her eyes, but can't stop the slow curl of her lips.
"Mom says she wants a son if I knock you up."
"I'll keep that in mind."
As the lights go down, Nino takes another look down at the old, shiny, silver basketball uniforms hanging on her tiny body and the hastily stitched blue 'K' on her chest. She can hear the band shifting, starting up the original number that Ohno and Nino have to ad lib to hell and back.
Suddenly nervous, Nino grabs for Ohno's hand.
"If we're doing this, I want a better alias."
Ohno gives her hand a squeeze.
"We can talk in accents if that makes you feel better."
And, even after rushing the stage and seeing the bemused looks on the fans' faces, even after tripping over words and flailing like idiots all over the place, the minute Ohno opens his mouth and starts calling him 'Yuki' with that really ridiculous accent, it strangely does.
Nino and Nori date long-term. To Nino, who hasn't really had anything serious like this before, it's a pretty big thing. She wears the necklace Nori bought her everyday and everywhere. When they have photoshoots, she just tucks it underneath her clothing.
For a long time, they're happy. Even if they can't be public about it and go on obvious dates, Nino's okay with that; she's always been a private sort of person, anyway. They spend a lot of time hanging out at home.
She really should've seen the break-up coming before getting too invested.
Still, no matter how much it hurts, she doesn't cry over it. Nori's necklace feels heavy around her neck, but she feels too naked without it.
The other members don't pressure her for details, even if Aiba does try to ask her about things once. Despite the constant cracks about his brains, Aiba's actually very good at picking up on a person's mood. He doesn't ask again; every time she starts thinking back on what she had, Nino finds her lap suddenly full of Aiba, distracting and wonderful even if she doesn't say it.
Jun, emotional as he can be, distracts her with work and dreams. He's respectful, but most of all he understands what it means to keep things closer to the vest. Jun is a private person, too. He doesn't press.
Despite the experience he probably has in this department, Sho is awkward at first. Not with Nino, but with the situation. He has a younger sister already, but she's an independent person; he's never had to comfort her or try to mend her broken heart.
Ohno is the really impressive one, though. The way he treats her doesn't change at all; he remains a constant at her side whenever she sidles up to him. If anything is different, it's that he doesn't slap her hand away as much when she paws at him, but that might be more because he's stopped caring.
During one performance, Nino finally lets a few tears slip during her solo. Most people don't really notice, and those that do probably think they're seeing things, that it's the sweat from the heat of the spotlights getting in the way. All of those are good excuses, and Nino gladly takes them.
Her bandmates don't ask, but the group hug at the end of the concert seems less of one offered for a job well done and more for her sake, if only because they make sure she's crammed in the very center.
They're all stupid and obvious and Nino finds it hard not to tell them how very much she loves them for it.
Putting aside the inevitable jinx she's going to end up bringing on the group for even thinking of it, Nino just can't help noticing how Arashi's work has been on a steady rise lately.
Ratings on their shows are doing well; singles and albums are selling enough to rake in a nice profit; performances have been upgraded; invites to guest on (semi-)popular shows are occasional but not rare; and, with the exception of Ohno and Aiba, they've all been in a few dramas with well-known actors and actresses.
All the recognition is nice, and sometimes they get recognized enough to get a discount somewhere (mostly Ohno), but they can't really consider themselves famous yet-- to mixed appreciation and distraught of the group.
Over the years some of them have worked hard enough that: a lung or two collapsed, brains were broken due to strenuous academic achievement, an entire year's worth of sleep was lost by taking on any job offered, the occasional arm was infected and incapable of movement, and scandals raged on at an all-time high; all of that's apparently normal in this line of work, though.
Still, a lot has happened and they've made so much progress, dragging themselves up from the very bottom with such determination that Nino really doesn't understand why she's so nervous right now.
It's ridiculous, really.
So what if one of Arashi's biggest breaks is on her shoulders? So what if she's going to America for a few months to film a war movie? It's like she's finally getting to achieve an old dream. Awesome.
Jun is the first one to congratulate her, likely because Jun has been getting to work really early lately and is the only one in the dressing room with her when her manager breaks the news. He keeps talking about films that this Clint person has been in and all the work he's done.
After that comes Sho, who gives a well-enunciated speech about how Nino is going to do great and blast everyone away with her acting talent. Jun is still holding the paper that was faxed over, so Sho crowds by him and starts reading some of the highlights aloud.
Nino suddenly misses the days when just a glance from Sho was enough to get Jun preening.
Aiba and Ohno walk in at the same time, still half-asleep. Unfortunately, the crackling excitement around Team Serious is nearly palpable at this point, so it's no surprise that Aiba is suddenly wide-awake and throwing hugs all over the place before Jun can even get a word out about the new role.
"America!" Aiba crows in English, words barely muffled despite the hand Nino has slapped over his face. "Hello! How are you day!"
"Today," Sho corrects absently.
The source of all this chaos, Nino's manager, has already fled the room-- Nino resolves to find an appropriate gift for the woman for essentially just lighting a bomb, dropping it in Nino's lap, and then running for the hills.) As the camera noise on Sho's phone clicks loudly and Jun smacks Aiba around for nearly spilling his coffee, Nino finds herself searching the room for Ohno.
Normally, Ohno will plop down in the empty armchair by the edge of the coffee table and nap until he's whisked off for make-up; their leader has always been a creature of habit. Hence why Nino feels justified in her surprise when she looks up and finds Ohno right in front of her, staring at her.
"What's up, Leader?" She grins up at him. Ohno says nothing, but he easily goes with it when Nino scoots over and tugs him by the arm until she can tuck up against his side on the couch. "Trying to imagine me bald?"
He shakes his head, brow crinkling. "You're going to America."
"Yeah. Famous actor-director, wants me to be a soldier, a couple months of English-- the whole shebang. Seeing as it's filmed in America, going there is kind of required."
"No." Ohno shakes his head again. "You're going to America."
Nino frowns and tilts her head. They've always known Ohno to be a bit strange; he doesn't talk much, and when he does it can come out pretty disjointed, but there's a point he's trying to make that words aren't helping with. There's something in the tone of his voice and Nino thinks that maybe, just maybe, she has an idea of what Ohno's trying to get at.
With the ease of years worth of experience, Nino slips her hand into his and gives it a squeeze, even lets Ohno twine their fingers together. After a moment, that isn't enough anymore and Nino practically crawls onto Ohno's lap.
On the other couch, Aiba is talking Sho and Jun into rearranging a few things so they can have a group dinner sometime this week in celebration of Nino's upcoming buzz-cut. His argument is persuasive (and what it lacks in argument Aiba more than makes up for in heart).
Jun is already beginning to crumble, his excuses running thin and halfheartedly protesting when Aiba starts moving things around in Jun's planner.
Predictably, Sho is a goner from the get-go and already has a place in mind.
"You're an idiot," Nino says, watching the commotion now tucked in Ohno's arms with her legs sprawled across his thighs. "All of you are stupid, and when I come back I'm going to beat you 'til you cry."
Ohno hums.
"Aiba-chan gets to pick your wig."
ACT III
Of all the things Nino had been expecting when she stepped into work that morning, getting kidnapped by Kanjani8 was not on that list (but looking back, it really should have been. In fact, she never should have removed it in the first place).
Now, stuck between Maru and Ohkura, no sign of rescue in sight, all Nino can do is wait for the chance to slip away. From the way conversation is going among the group, they aren't planning to let her go.
"We've taken a vote. It's been decided that Kanjani8 needs a girl member." Yokoyama explains. Tacks on a quick, "A real girl, not Yasu." and ignores the grumpy strum of guitar notes that follow.
"And you don't have to be Kanjani all the time. We've worked this out." Hina's smile does little to settle Nino's nerves.
"You don't even have to perform with us," Yoko continues. "Just hang with us sometimes. We need a real girl."
Nino narrows her eyes and looks to where Subaru has been quietly standing. After a moment of blank staring, Subaru twists his face into a suggestive leer and directs it at her chest. She's been around these idiots long enough to know when they're jerking her chain (or trying to). It's obvious that Subaru is playing the role of shit-stirrer today.
How could she possibly pass up on this chance to torment them?
So, yeah, Nino knows they aren't really suggesting she be their backstage 'stress reliever', but that doesn't mean she isn't going to take advantage of the opportunity Subaru is giving her. She feels only satisfaction after bodily shoving Maru off the couch and hearing his yelp.
The others glance towards her, startled, when she whips around to Ohkura, who is still sitting beside her and trying to clean up the spoonful of curry he dropped on his pants. "Pervert!"
"Huh?" Ohkura glances up from his pants, looking confused with the world. Nino grabs the front of his shirt and leans in close, until they're nose-to-nose.
"I am not your whore," she hisses.
The room explodes.
Yoko and Hina are fighting with each other, throwing accusations about mixed signals, blaming each other for causing this; Yasu has decided this is the perfect time to test out his new song as theme music, upping the tempo when things go flying across the room; for his attempts at playing referee, Maru is being forced to decide who started the chaos; a plate shatters on the floor and Ohkura bemoans the loss of lunch; and, somewhere in the background, she can hear Ryo gagging at the thought of 'Nino' and 'sex'.
Smiling peacefully, Nino makes for the door, pausing only to give Subaru a nod in thanks. Serves them all right for kidnapping her during Mario Kart.
Their newest Impress Women Or Be Dunked In Ice Water segment is, in Nino's humble opinion, painfully unfair towards her.
Others might protest, saying that she has an advantage by simply being a girl, but Others seem to be forgetting that Nino is not normal and is often thought to be a boy (or a lesbian) when wandering the city in her own clothes. Since the first segment, she's just been thinking of what she'd like to do on a date and then writing the opposite-- 'stay inside and kick ass at Call of Duty' turned into 'go for a walk and hold hands', for example.
Aiba still doesn't seem to understand this and often comes to her for 'girl advice', which may or may not be part of the reason why he keeps getting dunked.
("You're sure that she'd want to come to the restaurant?" Aiba asks again, chewing his lower lip in contemplation. "That didn't go over so well last time."
"Last time, you made it seem like you wanted the free food. 'It's free' only works on me, remember?" At the answering hum, Nino sighs, looking very much put-upon. "Just make sure you tell the audience you want her to meet your parents."
"That's it?"
"Girls love it when you introduce them to people. Makes them feel like you're serious about their love."
"Awesome! Thanks, Nino!")
Nino isn't above sabotage if it means keeping her ass out of that frigid hell.
"Ninomiya-san, what's it like to be the only girl in the group?"
Nino sometimes wishes she could say that it's been a while since she was asked something like that; maybe she could even label it as nostalgic and then she could sit there, pretending to think about the past so the interviewers could coo about Arashi and their close bonds.
Sadly, she gets this question at least once a week. It's a good thing that it doesn't really bother her anymore, not like how it used to when everything was too fresh and her mind was still reeling from the sudden attention (and then lack thereof); back when she dreaded this question most, though "which Arashi member would you date?" was a close second.
Just like in the old days, she has to admit that she's never really thought about it because it's never been an issue. She does the same work as the guys, laughs at the same stuff, talks about (mostly) the same things-- but Nino's been an idol long enough to know what the magazines want to hear.
Each member of Arashi is important to her, like family.
Sho, with all of his maturity and degrees, is the biggest dork Nino has ever known. He has the potential to be everything, but he sits back with them, cutting nipple holes in his shirt and failing at the most simple of things. The care he shows for everyone is something Nino only thought she'd get from her mother.
Though technically the baby of the group, Jun is probably the most reliable person Nino knows. Looking back, thinking on how Jun has matured and become independent yet not distant, so different from when they'd first met and he bought every lie Nino sold him, she has to admit that what she feels is a little too much like pride for her liking.
There's Aiba too, undoubtedly known as Arashi's heart. How an insane crybaby ended up as her best friend is still a mystery to her, but Nino can't deny that she's damn glad it happened.
And then there have been the almost-crushes and awkward moments over the years. After all, her attachment to Ohno is obvious to even the blind. All of Jun's jokes about denial aside, her relationship with everyone is unique. For Ohno, she just happens to adore him and his ridiculous, sleepy, my-pace way of life. It's hard not to adore someone so much like an old man despite only being being thirty.
Nino lowers her DS with a smile.
"It's not a big deal." She looks past the interviewer to where the rest of the group are still loitering around, waiting for her to finish so they can all get lunch. Aiba throws her a wave, and Nino pitches her voice a bit higher so it carries. "According to Aiba-kun, I'm an honorary boy. Fans of Aiba-kun, please know that this is how he treats women."
"Nino!"
If Nino thought they were busy before, it's nothing compared to now. Everyone is working so hard that there's barely time for a bathroom break, let alone rest or relaxation or ridiculous things like food-- well, everyone but Nino. Lucky her, she managed to mess up her back during the last dance rehearsal, and now she's been sentenced to a week of 'recuperation' (which basically just meant that anything she could do while seated would take over her schedule).
Nino sighs and shifts the pillow behind her back, her mug of tea sitting forgotten by her feet. It's times like this when, despite not yet hitting the big three-oh, Nino feels really old.
ROASTED PORK ON SET FOR FILMING!! :D :D :D, Aiba's text happily informs her.
She snorts.
As much as she loves staying at home, Nino has to admit that there's a bit of a lull in what she can do. Music hasn't been cooperating with her lately, much to her irritation; she's beaten every game she owns, including an hour's worth of slaughtering at Halo 4; and her meds are making her hands too unstable for magic tricks.
All in all, her relaxing getaway to recover is ending up to be more of a hassle than anything else.
Just as she's trying to figure out what movie she could bear to sit though, her phone vibrates again, scuttling across the coffee table.
nvm it's some rare pork from islands?? not for us :'(
It's like the crew are legitimately trying to starve them, or pulling some secret experiment out of their asses to see how long a boyband can last before someone goes Hannibal and starts chowing down on whoever is closest.
Nino frowns. Like hell is she letting that happen-- she doesn't want anyone to be missing chunks of anything when she comes back to work. However, there is a rather large drawback to taking action: no matter how much they adore her and owe her, there will be so many housewife jokes that she'll probably never live it down.
In the end, it comes down to her pride and the well-being of her friends.
She thinks about it.
Really thinks about it.
Sips at her tea and thinks about it more.
Nino snaps her phone shut with a sigh and limps into the kitchen.
Ten years.
Time's flown, faster than Nino could have ever dreamed and far more than she'd ever hoped for; and now she has things that she'd never dreamed of, didn't even know she wanted (or probably wouldn't have wanted if not for this one road she'd taken).
She remembers swaying through her audition, hoping to never hear from Johnnys again, only to feel a crushing sense of defeat when the real news came. There are the memories of meeting everyone for the first time, fighting with choreographers, and working hard for little result.
She remembers the pain-- her parent's divorce, her broken hand, her back acting up, feeling so lonely-- and still she can't find it in her to regret any of it. She spent so long thinking that belonging somewhere was already out of her reach.
But that's just how life goes, after all.
Ten years with these idiots isn't so bad.
So much has happened. Looking at her closest friends, listening to Ohno's voice growing thicker with tears, Nino smiles and closes her eyes.
Let's try for ten more.
None (Nino-centric)
PG-13ish
written for butabara_blokku, who was kind enough to donate during arashi_on's fundraiser event for japan. ♥
this is unbeta'd, probably full of errors, and slightly differs from arashi's actual timeline/story. also, it's genderswap. there's your warning.
ACT I
It's the summer of 1996, the heat rolling in waves and making the grass wriggle in front of her eyes. The rough skin of the baseball itches against her palm as the sweat trickles down, dragging gritty little clumps with it. Her whole arm is blackened with dirt from the last alley ball that came her way, and her shoulder throbs with the reminder of her slide into the umpire as she raced for home base in the last inning. They're one run away from winning the game; a strike would mean victory, a home-run would spell defeat, and it's all riding on whether or not she can get the wind-up of this pitch right. Her last few throws have been a bit off, more to the left than she's meaning them to go.
Don't think so much, she scolds herself. You're the ace pitcher-- girl or not, you can strike out anyone that steps up to your plate.
The catcher shifts nervously. His fingers twitch a little as he signs for a fast ball.
"Now or never," she breathes out, her grip on the ball tightening as she nods confirmation. "Just try and hit this."
The batter hunches down, readies his bat, and when she catches sight of the small turn to his foot that sets him a little off-balance she strikes. Her wind-up is quick, and before anyone can blink the ball is snapping out of her fingers, heading right down the center of the plate. There's no sound at first, just the rush of her own blood as it races through her, and when the batter swings she almost winces as she waits for the tell-tale crack of a home-run.
Instead, she hears the call of the umpire rising over the protests of the opposing team.
"That's the third out! Game over!" he cries. "Star Pitcher, Ninomiya Kazumi, has won the game!"
There's a roar all around her now; the audience is up in their seats, cheering, and her team is surrounding her, lifting her up and chanting her name like it's the only word they know. She catches the eye of her coach and offers him a salute that he returns with a laugh.
A shrill beeping sounds in the air, but she ignores it. The little league trophy is pushed into her outstretched hands and it feels so good to hold it high, gold glinting in the sunlight and standing out so beautifully against the red-orange of the setting sky. It's heavy and huge and her sweating palms keep slipping, but it's theirs now.
"League champions!" she hollers, screaming with her friends until her voice cracks, feeling so happy her chest might just burst.
And then the support under her vanishes, one by one, the disappearance of each person sending her rocking like she's a boat caught in a storm. She's thrown this way and that until she's falling towards the ground, the ballpark turning to black, and then the ground comes rushing at her.
Nino jerks awake with a loud gasp and smacks her face on the coffee table as she drops off the couch. She yelps in pain, feeling the blood welling up in her newly-split lip already, and turns to glare at the shadow of her older sister hovering above her, alarm clock in hand.
"What the hell was that for?" she whines. The carpet is rugged and unforgiving, scraping at her palms as she pushes herself to her feet.
Kazue just holds the beeping monstrosity out at her and gives her a look. "Not my fault you're deaf. Mom said to do whatever I needed as long as it woke you up."
"Great." Nino touches a hand to her cut lip and hisses lightly. "Well, thanks, now I'm bleeding."
"You'll live," Kazue replies, rolling her eyes. The alarm clock is thrust in her face again. "Get dressed. You're gonna be late for your audition."
Grudgingly, Nino pushes past and heads up the stairs to her room. Today's the big day, or so her mom keeps saying. She doesn't know why her mom is so insistent about this-- maybe it's got something to do with old dreams being passed on with the generations, Nino doesn't really know or care-- but she's up early on a Sunday, and instead of tugging on her baseball uniform and heading down to pitch circles around the boys she's getting ready to apply for a job as an entertainer.
Her mom picked out something cute and flashy the night before, even bought her a few new hair clips, but Nino passes right by the sparkling outfit on her bed. Instead of a ruffled skirt and a midriff with lacy things on it, she slips into an old, torn pair of jeans and a t-shirt; but just so her mom doesn't feel like the outfit is unappreciated completely, Nino takes the new clips and gratefully pins back her fringe.
She stops by the bathroom long enough to check on her lip and gets distracted by a thought. What she sees now is so normal; Nino is just a girl with rough edges, age thirteen, with slightly burned skin and frayed, short hair from spending so much time out on the field playing ball. If she leans a little closer, tilts her head, she can see herself a few years from now, can imagine a face coated with make-up that sports a stereotypical idol-smile, her skin too pale and her teeth too straight, her hair long and curled and styled to perfection, showcasing everything so differently than what she is now.
Nino grimaces at the thought and quickly heads downstairs.
Let's get this over with, she inwardly scowls. Then I can buy myself a new glove.
After the dreaded audition (that wasn't really so bad, all she did was ride a bike and sway), time seems to whip past. Temperatures drop, sending the leaves into a flurry of orange and yellow as they flutter to the ground. School begins again in the fall, and Nino busies herself with a comfortable mix of homework, gaming, guitar playing, and baseball.
The good thing about having no friends, she supposes, is that she has a lot of time to get things done.
So much time passes, in fact, that she forgets all about her near run-in with the entertainment industry until one Wednesday when she gets a green sheet of paper in the mail. Her mother, thrilled, instantly declares that night deserving of her special dumplings, and pins the letter to the fridge with a magnet.
Unfortunately for Nino, no matter how many times she rereads it, the message never changes.
Ninomiya Kazumi-san,
We at Johnny's Entertainment are pleased to inform you that your final audition has been reviewed and given passing marks. You have passed your last test, and we congratulate you for your talent and hard work. Please come to our company next Sunday at noon for lessons. Directions are enclosed, should you need them.
Dressier clothing is not necessary as your next lesson will be a dance rehearsal. Please dress comfortably but appropriately.
Sincerely,
Johnny's & Associates
Even when crumpled to hell and back the paper is impossible to ignore.
Nino's first day at 'work' would easily be remembered as one of the weirdest days in her life.
Against her mom's best arguments to "make a good first impression by looking adorable yet hardworking", Nino picks out her rattiest pair of sweats and a slightly holey t-shirt, barely even giving her bedhead a comb-through with her hands before slumping out the front door.
She gets groped on the train, nearly hit by a car, and no less than three large dogs attempt to smother her (with drool and love and sharp fangs, respectively). Navigating through the company is a huge pain in the ass, and every person she asks either has no time for her or they have no idea where she's supposed to go either. Despite all that, she makes it to her lesson early enough to steal a donut from the breakfast table before the choreographer comes in and starts throwing orders left and right.
Getting barked at to listen and then scolded when she couldn't get it right wasn't new to her, so that couldn't even begin to count for why her first lesson was so bizarre. In fact, it had absolutely nothing to do with turns and kicks and the proper way to 'lock'.
The rehearsal room was smaller than what Nino thought it would be, but it had furniture in it that Nino didn't anticipate, such as the I-found-this-on-a-side-road couch set up against the far wall. The thing had to be older than Nino, had to be older than Nino's own mother, but she pushed that thought aside.
After all, today's weirdness was more of a 'who' than a 'what'.
The aforementioned weirdness was an unknown kid-- maybe around her age, give or take a few years-- who was just sitting on the disreputable couch, watching all the other kids dance. Gender, unknown; but even if Unknown Kid had hair so long and soft that Kazue would probably kill an orphan for something even half as nice, his build seemed a bit too masculine.
Appearances aside, the biggest kick in the ass is that the faculty didn't pay Kid any attention. (Seeing as Nino had tried to take a break in the middle of practice and nearly got reamed a new one, this was a bit further down on the unfairness scale.) Nino took a gulp of water and considered the options.
President's son?
There seemed to be too much of a lack of elegance and importance for that.
Choreographer's pet?
If so, Kid would probably be in the front of the class.
Hard worker that got the steps down on day one?
Too disinterested in... everything, it seemed.
Nino was starting to run out of ideas, and so, of course, that's when Kid turned and looked right at her. Now that Nino had a fullview of his face, he seemed a lot younger than she'd thought. Round-faced though he was, he was definitely not a girl.
Normally, Nino would be adverse to the whole 'staring into a stranger's eyes from across the room' thing, but whoever this kid was he didn't seem to mind it. In fact, he just stared at her back, like how he'd been watching at the class earlier. It almost felt like something was going to happen.
Then, slowly, calmly, he shoved his finger up his nose and started digging. While staring Nino right in the eye.
And no one else even glanced his way.
Staff member, Nino decided at last. Every company has a quiet, creepy, potential-to-go-trigger-happy staff member.
With that in mind, Nino broke the staring contest and wandered off to find her bag. She'd learned enough about twirling and flapping like an idiot today.
It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that the Johnny's market was mostly made up of male idols. Sure, they had a girl group or two, but it was the flowery, pretty boys that really kept the company floating steady like an island instead of like a rowboat.
After the first week since the final audition, Nino was the only girl that hadn't quit (if only because her mom wouldn't let her and, no matter how annoying, a job was a job and money was money). It took another two weeks before the boys around her started noticing it, though.
"Hey!"
Nino was probably the most ungirly girl these kids would ever meet, but they were still hounding her for dates. Desperate times call for desperate measures, or something.
"Aren't you the girl in my dance class? It's so weird that you ride this train, too. Do you live in Chiba? Or close to Chiba, I guess, since this train goes to more than just there. Oh! That reminds me! Do you have the new moves down yet? I can't get the step-twirl-stepstep thing down, and I could really use some help. I can't pay you with money or anything, but my house is a Chinese restaurant so I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind feeding you."
After talking a calming breath, Nino turns to her new pest and says, very clearly, "I will not touch, suck, and/or ride your dick. Ever."
The boy blinks at her, silent for only a short moment before a grin spreads across his face. "Okay, but you'll help me with the dance steps, right?"
ACT II
She's gonna be sick.
The buzz of press is everywhere, rocking her emotions around and spinning things around until there's only a constant state of confusion filling her head with static.
"What's it like to be debuting after all this time?"
Debut.
Good lord, she had not signed up for this at all. When Nino took this stupid job dancing around in the background, she'd done it to help pay bills and maybe even upgrade the ratty baseball equipment she'd been stuck playing with for nearly ten years-- the only hand-me-downs from her father that she even bothered to keep. Oh, right, and there was that little matter of her dreams of studying acting in America.
She should've waited with Sho in that stuffy, messy office for Johnny-san and told him just where he could shove his damn Arashi.
"Ninomiya-san?"
"It's really hard to believe that this is actually happening. I'm not too sure how good of an idol I'll be, but I'll do my best and work hard."
Not what she was told to say, but close enough. The press are still smiling, snapping photos and blinding her with the constant flashing; somewhere in the background, the happy cheers from the fans are almost deafening and the boat beneath her feet seems to be reacting to all of the commotion, rocking with enough momentum to make her feel like tipping over.
She's gonna be sick.
The follow-up interviews of their debut are, thankfully, done on land. They're also given a few hours to get themselves cleaned up (mostly for Nino's sake) prior. Nino spends most of that time curled up on her stable bed, all the lights turned out. About an hour into her almost-nap, there's a steady knock on her door.
"Nino?" A soft voice calls out, cracking the door open when she doesn't reply. "Nino, are you in here?"
Sho.
"What?" She groans. There's no way it's time to go yet.
The door clicks again, the light of the hallway vanishing, and then Nino hears the soft shuffle of feet as Sho wanders over. She can feel him standing at the edge of her bed. He's definitely staring.
A beat of silence passes.
Sho sighs and pads away-- leaving already? But, no. She can hear the rush of water and hopes he didn't just break into her room so he could relieve himself in her bathroom.
Still, curiosity be damned, Nino petulantly keeps her eyes shut.
"I brought you something to get rid of the sickness." The bed sinks beside her. "Even got you a glass of water." A gentle hand brushes through her hair, and it's all very comforting until Sho gets tired of waiting and gives her a pinch on the thigh, right where her shorts have started riding up. "C'mon, brat. Gotta sit up to take it."
Nino swats his hand away and sits up. She's pretty sure that with her hair this fucked up and the bags under her eyes sinking deeper that she's somewhere on the scale between 'death warmed over' and 'dear god, what is that?'.
"This sucks," Nino announces once the pills and water have been downed. With a hum (of agreement, she's sure), Sho takes the glass and sets it back on the table. "Is it still too late for us to run away to America together?"
"And skip out on college?" he asks, trying his best not to smile.
"Transfer to Yale or Harvard." Nino scoffs. "They'll probably take you."
The hand in her hair is expected, but Nino still lets out a surprised noise, slapping at Sho's stomach when he rucks up her hair even more. "I'm gonna be stuck with the stylists for another hour," she whines. The cowlick at the back of her head is standing straight up.
Sho shrugs and wanders to the door. Obviously, her hair means nothing to him. "You could always shove your head in the bathtub. Or shower. You could probably use one--"
Life still pretty much sucks, but the loud smack of the pillow as it bounces off of Sho's face does make her feel a little better, even if it starts a war that leaves her with only twenty minutes to fix the mess she's become.
It's blinding.
That's all Nino can think when the stage lights all flip on and the roar of people screaming deafens her. Everything is so damn bright, she can barely see a few feet ahead of her.
The music kicks on a moment later, a pounding bass, and the first beat of it scares the shit out of her and makes her feel sick at the same time. Her entire body is vibrating.
This is insane.
Almost reflexively, she dances and lip-syncs just like they practiced. As she moves out of the spotlight and the colors start fading from her eyes, her own face follows her. There are so many people holding an uchiwa of her, bouncing along and singing to the only freaking song they have, and it's all she can do not to pull someone out of the crowd and ask them WHY they're doing it, all of it.
What are they seeing that she isn't?
Sweat pools in the most uncomfortable places, under the most uncomfortable (and ugly) of costumes. Still, she keeps dancing and singing because that's what idols do; and that's what she is now, right?
She's an idol, a role-model, a star.
Nino is sixteen, without a clue what she's meant to be doing or why she's doing it.
It could have been anyone, but it was her. As the fans cheer, Nino feels an overwhelming amount of guilt for the juniors backing her, who have dreams of making it big and one day standing right where she is now.
This is the day she's been given everything she's never wanted, and a huge part of her hopes that she can wait for the day when it becomes something that she never knew she needed.
"Ninomiya-san, what's it like to be the only girl in the group?"
The first time Nino is asked that, she actually has to force herself not to reply with the first thing that came to mind because there are words in that sentence that an idol shouldn't say. Especially the part where Aiba declared her an honorary boy at their last practice when he backflipped onto her and she tripped him into a mirror.
To be honest, she's never really thought much about it. They've only been Arashi for a short while, and it's not like she gets special treatment. Sure, she gets her own private room to change clothes for photoshoots and performances, but it takes her ten minutes at most to go from one suit to another.
It's not even like the other members are trying to catch a glimpse of her flat-chested wonder. Sometimes Aiba will stick his head in and wolf-whistle, but he did the same thing to Sho yesterday so Nino isn't buying too much into it. Also, he's an idiot.
In the end, all Nino can do is shrug and offer up what she feels is a shy smile, even lowering her eyes to appear more embarrassed about it. "It's not a big deal," she mumbles as the cameras flash. "They treat me kindly and take care of me. Like big brothers."
Today's concert went surprisingly well, what with Aiba managing not to screw up any of the dance moves and Jun staying as close to on-pitch as he'd ever get, but there's a huge cloud of dissatisfaction hanging in the air once they took their final bows and were herded towards the showers.
It seemed like the empty seats in the crowd were steadily growing.
Nino sighs, already resigned, and trudges down the hall to Ohno's room. If she has to sit through another group meeting, she's going to get there early and stake claim on some part of the bed, at the very least.
By the time the meeting ends, it's nearly three in the morning. Aiba and Ohno are both sprawled together on Ohno's bed and snoring up a storm, having crashed sometime between Jun's proposition about moving stages and a lengthy rant about budgeting.
It's unanimously decided to leave them be.
Sho disappears quickly after that (he still had some homework to finish), and that just leaves Jun and Nino to wrap things up. All the big issues taken care of, the meeting ends an hour later and they both wander away to get some sleep.
Their rooms are in the same hallway so they head back together, silently; it's obvious that something's on Jun's mind, but Nino is tired of talking. She just wants to curl up in her empty, quiet room and sleep away the exhaustion. Just after waving goodbye and wishing him a nice sleep, right as her fingers curl around the doorknob, so close, she feels Jun's hand on her arm.
Dejected and too weary to hide it, Nino sighs. "Something else I can help you with, Jun-kun?"
"Why don't you ever say anything?" Jun blurts out, looking as startled by his own question as Nino feels. Apparently, that wasn't what he'd planned to start out with. "You, Aiba-kun, and Leader-- I mean, whenever we have group meetings it's either me or Sho talking. You could complain or protest, you know. It's not just meant for pitching ideas."
For a while, she says nothing. At this point, after being in Arashi this long and seeing how much people want them to succeed, saying that she doesn't really care won't cut it anymore. She does care. Arashi could be so much, but none of it is what she wanted.
She never asked for this, and yet here it is, plopped right in her lap and taking up her life.
Jun is staring at her like he'll wait forever for an answer, then maybe another lifetime or two if it isn't a good enough answer. He so earnestly wants them to do well, to reach the top; he whole-heartedly loves Arashi, and Nino is startled to find that when she thinks of it ending so soon, her chest actually hurts.
"It's confusing, this whole Johnnys Idol thing." She admits, then scratches awkwardly at her neck. "I've never been good with people. I don't even like talking very much. Before Arashi, I just played video games and baseball. With all that's going on, I can't tell left from right so I'm just trying to hold on."
Nino pauses, attempts to wrestle the rest of her thoughts into a coherent sentence. Not for the first time, she's so very glad Jun holds to his strict professionalism; it must be hard not to interrupt.
"I don't really know what to do. You know how to think like the crowd, Sho-chan is good at playing devil's advocate; I don't really have anything to contribute. This isn't my world. What draws a crowd, what makes us sell-- I don't get any of that, but I am trying to."
Slowly, the grip on her arm lessens. Whatever point Nino had been trying to make out of all that, Jun seems to have gotten it. The atmosphere is weird, though; like there's still something Nino forget to address. She narrows her eyes, looks a little closer, and nearly slaps herself when she finally gets it.
With an attitude like his, it's so easy to forget that Jun is the youngest. They're all still pretty much kids, but Jun isn't even twenty yet-- not even twenty and even Sho gets a bit boggled when he sees the workload that Jun is trying to pull by himself.
They're breaking so many of the entertainment world norms-- the more notable examples being that most of them didn't want to debut and their leader refused to take charge-- that of course everything is so different from the usual plan that Johnnys stick to. Of course they're having such a hard time now.
Seems like no one else knew what to do with them either.
"Jun-kun."
"Hm?"
"We all trust you, y'know. With Arashi."
There's no mistaking the flush that spreads across his face. He looks embarrassed but pleased, and Nino smiles, so very ready to put this serious, slightly depressing conversation behind her. She's also very ready to crash on her bed; Jun offers her a smile like he understands (which Nino doesn't doubt) and vanishes down the hall after offering her a quick 'goodnight'.
Back in her room, Nino barely manages to strip off her clothes before she's burrowing under the covers and fast asleep. The soft vibration of her phone as it skitters across the bedside table is duly ignored; and so, waiting for her in the morning after dragging herself to the shower, is a text from Jun.
I know you said this isn't your world... but maybe it could be.
Nino smiles around her toothbrush and saves it for a rainy day.
The performance is the no different than usual, the same set-list as the entire tour, except that tonight there are a few minor errors in judgment and timing, a couple things get moved around, and suddenly they find themselves with a gap of time between a group song and Sho's solo that they have no idea what to do with.
It's a pretty troubling gap; too long for the crowd to sit through without noticing, too short for them to squeeze a repeat song into. Not to mention that Sho still has to get ready for his solo, Aiba is still recovering from a nasty cold, and Jun is finishing his own song.
Nino talks about with the band, but they're really just hired help and only know the pre-learned songs and a few original beats they've slapped together.
That's when Ohno sidles up and throws out the most ridiculous idea ever.
"Just play whatever. Nino and I can make it up as we go."
And so, of course, everyone thinks it's the best choice they've got.
"This is the stupidest thing ever," Nino says. She doesn't even care that she's whining right now. Their costumes look stupid. "We look stupid." The fans were going to laugh and Nino's older sister will never let her live this down. "Why are we doing this?"
"For Arashi." Ohno smiles. "And for Uzbekistan."
"And our forbidden, foreign relationship?" Nino rolls her eyes, but can't stop the slow curl of her lips.
"Mom says she wants a son if I knock you up."
"I'll keep that in mind."
As the lights go down, Nino takes another look down at the old, shiny, silver basketball uniforms hanging on her tiny body and the hastily stitched blue 'K' on her chest. She can hear the band shifting, starting up the original number that Ohno and Nino have to ad lib to hell and back.
Suddenly nervous, Nino grabs for Ohno's hand.
"If we're doing this, I want a better alias."
Ohno gives her hand a squeeze.
"We can talk in accents if that makes you feel better."
And, even after rushing the stage and seeing the bemused looks on the fans' faces, even after tripping over words and flailing like idiots all over the place, the minute Ohno opens his mouth and starts calling him 'Yuki' with that really ridiculous accent, it strangely does.
Nino and Nori date long-term. To Nino, who hasn't really had anything serious like this before, it's a pretty big thing. She wears the necklace Nori bought her everyday and everywhere. When they have photoshoots, she just tucks it underneath her clothing.
For a long time, they're happy. Even if they can't be public about it and go on obvious dates, Nino's okay with that; she's always been a private sort of person, anyway. They spend a lot of time hanging out at home.
She really should've seen the break-up coming before getting too invested.
Still, no matter how much it hurts, she doesn't cry over it. Nori's necklace feels heavy around her neck, but she feels too naked without it.
The other members don't pressure her for details, even if Aiba does try to ask her about things once. Despite the constant cracks about his brains, Aiba's actually very good at picking up on a person's mood. He doesn't ask again; every time she starts thinking back on what she had, Nino finds her lap suddenly full of Aiba, distracting and wonderful even if she doesn't say it.
Jun, emotional as he can be, distracts her with work and dreams. He's respectful, but most of all he understands what it means to keep things closer to the vest. Jun is a private person, too. He doesn't press.
Despite the experience he probably has in this department, Sho is awkward at first. Not with Nino, but with the situation. He has a younger sister already, but she's an independent person; he's never had to comfort her or try to mend her broken heart.
Ohno is the really impressive one, though. The way he treats her doesn't change at all; he remains a constant at her side whenever she sidles up to him. If anything is different, it's that he doesn't slap her hand away as much when she paws at him, but that might be more because he's stopped caring.
During one performance, Nino finally lets a few tears slip during her solo. Most people don't really notice, and those that do probably think they're seeing things, that it's the sweat from the heat of the spotlights getting in the way. All of those are good excuses, and Nino gladly takes them.
Her bandmates don't ask, but the group hug at the end of the concert seems less of one offered for a job well done and more for her sake, if only because they make sure she's crammed in the very center.
They're all stupid and obvious and Nino finds it hard not to tell them how very much she loves them for it.
Putting aside the inevitable jinx she's going to end up bringing on the group for even thinking of it, Nino just can't help noticing how Arashi's work has been on a steady rise lately.
Ratings on their shows are doing well; singles and albums are selling enough to rake in a nice profit; performances have been upgraded; invites to guest on (semi-)popular shows are occasional but not rare; and, with the exception of Ohno and Aiba, they've all been in a few dramas with well-known actors and actresses.
All the recognition is nice, and sometimes they get recognized enough to get a discount somewhere (mostly Ohno), but they can't really consider themselves famous yet-- to mixed appreciation and distraught of the group.
Over the years some of them have worked hard enough that: a lung or two collapsed, brains were broken due to strenuous academic achievement, an entire year's worth of sleep was lost by taking on any job offered, the occasional arm was infected and incapable of movement, and scandals raged on at an all-time high; all of that's apparently normal in this line of work, though.
Still, a lot has happened and they've made so much progress, dragging themselves up from the very bottom with such determination that Nino really doesn't understand why she's so nervous right now.
It's ridiculous, really.
So what if one of Arashi's biggest breaks is on her shoulders? So what if she's going to America for a few months to film a war movie? It's like she's finally getting to achieve an old dream. Awesome.
Jun is the first one to congratulate her, likely because Jun has been getting to work really early lately and is the only one in the dressing room with her when her manager breaks the news. He keeps talking about films that this Clint person has been in and all the work he's done.
After that comes Sho, who gives a well-enunciated speech about how Nino is going to do great and blast everyone away with her acting talent. Jun is still holding the paper that was faxed over, so Sho crowds by him and starts reading some of the highlights aloud.
Nino suddenly misses the days when just a glance from Sho was enough to get Jun preening.
Aiba and Ohno walk in at the same time, still half-asleep. Unfortunately, the crackling excitement around Team Serious is nearly palpable at this point, so it's no surprise that Aiba is suddenly wide-awake and throwing hugs all over the place before Jun can even get a word out about the new role.
"America!" Aiba crows in English, words barely muffled despite the hand Nino has slapped over his face. "Hello! How are you day!"
"Today," Sho corrects absently.
The source of all this chaos, Nino's manager, has already fled the room-- Nino resolves to find an appropriate gift for the woman for essentially just lighting a bomb, dropping it in Nino's lap, and then running for the hills.) As the camera noise on Sho's phone clicks loudly and Jun smacks Aiba around for nearly spilling his coffee, Nino finds herself searching the room for Ohno.
Normally, Ohno will plop down in the empty armchair by the edge of the coffee table and nap until he's whisked off for make-up; their leader has always been a creature of habit. Hence why Nino feels justified in her surprise when she looks up and finds Ohno right in front of her, staring at her.
"What's up, Leader?" She grins up at him. Ohno says nothing, but he easily goes with it when Nino scoots over and tugs him by the arm until she can tuck up against his side on the couch. "Trying to imagine me bald?"
He shakes his head, brow crinkling. "You're going to America."
"Yeah. Famous actor-director, wants me to be a soldier, a couple months of English-- the whole shebang. Seeing as it's filmed in America, going there is kind of required."
"No." Ohno shakes his head again. "You're going to America."
Nino frowns and tilts her head. They've always known Ohno to be a bit strange; he doesn't talk much, and when he does it can come out pretty disjointed, but there's a point he's trying to make that words aren't helping with. There's something in the tone of his voice and Nino thinks that maybe, just maybe, she has an idea of what Ohno's trying to get at.
With the ease of years worth of experience, Nino slips her hand into his and gives it a squeeze, even lets Ohno twine their fingers together. After a moment, that isn't enough anymore and Nino practically crawls onto Ohno's lap.
On the other couch, Aiba is talking Sho and Jun into rearranging a few things so they can have a group dinner sometime this week in celebration of Nino's upcoming buzz-cut. His argument is persuasive (and what it lacks in argument Aiba more than makes up for in heart).
Jun is already beginning to crumble, his excuses running thin and halfheartedly protesting when Aiba starts moving things around in Jun's planner.
Predictably, Sho is a goner from the get-go and already has a place in mind.
"You're an idiot," Nino says, watching the commotion now tucked in Ohno's arms with her legs sprawled across his thighs. "All of you are stupid, and when I come back I'm going to beat you 'til you cry."
Ohno hums.
"Aiba-chan gets to pick your wig."
ACT III
Of all the things Nino had been expecting when she stepped into work that morning, getting kidnapped by Kanjani8 was not on that list (but looking back, it really should have been. In fact, she never should have removed it in the first place).
Now, stuck between Maru and Ohkura, no sign of rescue in sight, all Nino can do is wait for the chance to slip away. From the way conversation is going among the group, they aren't planning to let her go.
"We've taken a vote. It's been decided that Kanjani8 needs a girl member." Yokoyama explains. Tacks on a quick, "A real girl, not Yasu." and ignores the grumpy strum of guitar notes that follow.
"And you don't have to be Kanjani all the time. We've worked this out." Hina's smile does little to settle Nino's nerves.
"You don't even have to perform with us," Yoko continues. "Just hang with us sometimes. We need a real girl."
Nino narrows her eyes and looks to where Subaru has been quietly standing. After a moment of blank staring, Subaru twists his face into a suggestive leer and directs it at her chest. She's been around these idiots long enough to know when they're jerking her chain (or trying to). It's obvious that Subaru is playing the role of shit-stirrer today.
How could she possibly pass up on this chance to torment them?
So, yeah, Nino knows they aren't really suggesting she be their backstage 'stress reliever', but that doesn't mean she isn't going to take advantage of the opportunity Subaru is giving her. She feels only satisfaction after bodily shoving Maru off the couch and hearing his yelp.
The others glance towards her, startled, when she whips around to Ohkura, who is still sitting beside her and trying to clean up the spoonful of curry he dropped on his pants. "Pervert!"
"Huh?" Ohkura glances up from his pants, looking confused with the world. Nino grabs the front of his shirt and leans in close, until they're nose-to-nose.
"I am not your whore," she hisses.
The room explodes.
Yoko and Hina are fighting with each other, throwing accusations about mixed signals, blaming each other for causing this; Yasu has decided this is the perfect time to test out his new song as theme music, upping the tempo when things go flying across the room; for his attempts at playing referee, Maru is being forced to decide who started the chaos; a plate shatters on the floor and Ohkura bemoans the loss of lunch; and, somewhere in the background, she can hear Ryo gagging at the thought of 'Nino' and 'sex'.
Smiling peacefully, Nino makes for the door, pausing only to give Subaru a nod in thanks. Serves them all right for kidnapping her during Mario Kart.
Their newest Impress Women Or Be Dunked In Ice Water segment is, in Nino's humble opinion, painfully unfair towards her.
Others might protest, saying that she has an advantage by simply being a girl, but Others seem to be forgetting that Nino is not normal and is often thought to be a boy (or a lesbian) when wandering the city in her own clothes. Since the first segment, she's just been thinking of what she'd like to do on a date and then writing the opposite-- 'stay inside and kick ass at Call of Duty' turned into 'go for a walk and hold hands', for example.
Aiba still doesn't seem to understand this and often comes to her for 'girl advice', which may or may not be part of the reason why he keeps getting dunked.
("You're sure that she'd want to come to the restaurant?" Aiba asks again, chewing his lower lip in contemplation. "That didn't go over so well last time."
"Last time, you made it seem like you wanted the free food. 'It's free' only works on me, remember?" At the answering hum, Nino sighs, looking very much put-upon. "Just make sure you tell the audience you want her to meet your parents."
"That's it?"
"Girls love it when you introduce them to people. Makes them feel like you're serious about their love."
"Awesome! Thanks, Nino!")
Nino isn't above sabotage if it means keeping her ass out of that frigid hell.
"Ninomiya-san, what's it like to be the only girl in the group?"
Nino sometimes wishes she could say that it's been a while since she was asked something like that; maybe she could even label it as nostalgic and then she could sit there, pretending to think about the past so the interviewers could coo about Arashi and their close bonds.
Sadly, she gets this question at least once a week. It's a good thing that it doesn't really bother her anymore, not like how it used to when everything was too fresh and her mind was still reeling from the sudden attention (and then lack thereof); back when she dreaded this question most, though "which Arashi member would you date?" was a close second.
Just like in the old days, she has to admit that she's never really thought about it because it's never been an issue. She does the same work as the guys, laughs at the same stuff, talks about (mostly) the same things-- but Nino's been an idol long enough to know what the magazines want to hear.
Each member of Arashi is important to her, like family.
Sho, with all of his maturity and degrees, is the biggest dork Nino has ever known. He has the potential to be everything, but he sits back with them, cutting nipple holes in his shirt and failing at the most simple of things. The care he shows for everyone is something Nino only thought she'd get from her mother.
Though technically the baby of the group, Jun is probably the most reliable person Nino knows. Looking back, thinking on how Jun has matured and become independent yet not distant, so different from when they'd first met and he bought every lie Nino sold him, she has to admit that what she feels is a little too much like pride for her liking.
There's Aiba too, undoubtedly known as Arashi's heart. How an insane crybaby ended up as her best friend is still a mystery to her, but Nino can't deny that she's damn glad it happened.
And then there have been the almost-crushes and awkward moments over the years. After all, her attachment to Ohno is obvious to even the blind. All of Jun's jokes about denial aside, her relationship with everyone is unique. For Ohno, she just happens to adore him and his ridiculous, sleepy, my-pace way of life. It's hard not to adore someone so much like an old man despite only being being thirty.
Nino lowers her DS with a smile.
"It's not a big deal." She looks past the interviewer to where the rest of the group are still loitering around, waiting for her to finish so they can all get lunch. Aiba throws her a wave, and Nino pitches her voice a bit higher so it carries. "According to Aiba-kun, I'm an honorary boy. Fans of Aiba-kun, please know that this is how he treats women."
"Nino!"
If Nino thought they were busy before, it's nothing compared to now. Everyone is working so hard that there's barely time for a bathroom break, let alone rest or relaxation or ridiculous things like food-- well, everyone but Nino. Lucky her, she managed to mess up her back during the last dance rehearsal, and now she's been sentenced to a week of 'recuperation' (which basically just meant that anything she could do while seated would take over her schedule).
Nino sighs and shifts the pillow behind her back, her mug of tea sitting forgotten by her feet. It's times like this when, despite not yet hitting the big three-oh, Nino feels really old.
ROASTED PORK ON SET FOR FILMING!! :D :D :D, Aiba's text happily informs her.
She snorts.
As much as she loves staying at home, Nino has to admit that there's a bit of a lull in what she can do. Music hasn't been cooperating with her lately, much to her irritation; she's beaten every game she owns, including an hour's worth of slaughtering at Halo 4; and her meds are making her hands too unstable for magic tricks.
All in all, her relaxing getaway to recover is ending up to be more of a hassle than anything else.
Just as she's trying to figure out what movie she could bear to sit though, her phone vibrates again, scuttling across the coffee table.
nvm it's some rare pork from islands?? not for us :'(
It's like the crew are legitimately trying to starve them, or pulling some secret experiment out of their asses to see how long a boyband can last before someone goes Hannibal and starts chowing down on whoever is closest.
Nino frowns. Like hell is she letting that happen-- she doesn't want anyone to be missing chunks of anything when she comes back to work. However, there is a rather large drawback to taking action: no matter how much they adore her and owe her, there will be so many housewife jokes that she'll probably never live it down.
In the end, it comes down to her pride and the well-being of her friends.
She thinks about it.
Really thinks about it.
Sips at her tea and thinks about it more.
Nino snaps her phone shut with a sigh and limps into the kitchen.
Ten years.
Time's flown, faster than Nino could have ever dreamed and far more than she'd ever hoped for; and now she has things that she'd never dreamed of, didn't even know she wanted (or probably wouldn't have wanted if not for this one road she'd taken).
She remembers swaying through her audition, hoping to never hear from Johnnys again, only to feel a crushing sense of defeat when the real news came. There are the memories of meeting everyone for the first time, fighting with choreographers, and working hard for little result.
She remembers the pain-- her parent's divorce, her broken hand, her back acting up, feeling so lonely-- and still she can't find it in her to regret any of it. She spent so long thinking that belonging somewhere was already out of her reach.
But that's just how life goes, after all.
Ten years with these idiots isn't so bad.
So much has happened. Looking at her closest friends, listening to Ohno's voice growing thicker with tears, Nino smiles and closes her eyes.
Let's try for ten more.