Your writing is much tighter when you're writing from Griff's POV...the descriptions are better. Leaning backward, Griffin gave a half hearted kick to his desk, that sent him spinning around slowly. His chair was squeaking ominously with each revolution. He had to get a new one. This one didn't seem to appreciate the damp air of the cave. - I can *see* this, totally. Right down to the expression on his face as he does it. :-D
Intriguing to see things from Roland's POV, though. And nice to see the end of the film tied in, but from a different angle. I love Griffin's opinion of David. And, as before, you've got his perspective just how I imagine it.
If you want, I can pick up on grammar and typos, but I think you said you already have someone who does that for you? I don't know what your first language is, but you certainly do a pretty damn good job with the English! *grins* I want the next installment now... ;-)
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Your writing is much tighter when you're writing from Griff's POV...the descriptions are better. Leaning backward, Griffin gave a half hearted kick to his desk, that sent him spinning around slowly. His chair was squeaking ominously with each revolution. He had to get a new one. This one didn't seem to appreciate the damp air of the cave. - I can *see* this, totally. Right down to the expression on his face as he does it. :-D
Intriguing to see things from Roland's POV, though. And nice to see the end of the film tied in, but from a different angle. I love Griffin's opinion of David. And, as before, you've got his perspective just how I imagine it.
If you want, I can pick up on grammar and typos, but I think you said you already have someone who does that for you? I don't know what your first language is, but you certainly do a pretty damn good job with the English! *grins* I want the next installment now... ;-)
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