New Fic: Spontaneous Combustion

[catch22girl]

After much teasing -- here it is, the Jack/Michelle fic

Comments

[angelswings]

Very, very good! I wasn't so sure about a Jack/Michelle fic, but this is very good and easy to swallow. My favorite line -

She didn't know if it was wrong or right, but they were falling back onto the bed and the world tilted off its axis for a moment.

Or no, this was great too - She saw the next ten years of her life reflected in the glass of her desk.

Jesus.. It's amazing how your entire world can change with a few words or actions.

[catch22girl]

Thank you! Yeah, you know you wanted to see it - lol, kidding.

Thank so much. I like that line too. I just hope she'll be okay afterwards (and yeah part of me is thinking hmm...sequel, lol)

[eternaltimtams]

That was really really good.

[catch22girl]

YAY! Thank you!!

[kentuckybelle]

I said it to you before and I'll say it again. You have a really good, very well-written and believable story here. I was honored to get a "first look" and to beta it for you.

And now having read this, I'm inspired to do a second ficlet. ;)

Sincerely,
The Sometimes-Correct Grammarian :p

[catch22girl]

Dear Sometimes-Correct Grammarian,

You my dear are awesome and thank you so much for the kind words and the beta. <3

Rachel

[chiroho]

Very nice. Liked how you captured Michelle's emotions in this. Also like that she couldn't actually go through with it.

Few minor corrections that you might want to make though:

still trying to assuage her own guilt
at living.

There is an erroneous carriage return in that line.

(Michelle stood in front of a

Not sure if you meant to leave this in there or not, but you should either delete it ot finish the thought.

she checked before hand

Should be "she'd checked ..."

cut off his own partner's hand and was
willing to let her die.

Another erroneous carrige return.

and knew he wasn't as cold as always pretended to be.

You need an extra "he" between "as" and "always"

/beta

Sorry. I tend to be a beta even when I'm reading fic. Good fic though! I wonder how Kiefer and Rieko really get on. ;)

[catch22girl]

*facepalm* You wouldn't believe how many times I read over this story and didn't notice those things at all. Thank you!

Thank you for the feedback too. I'm so glad that it worked for you. Hee, I don't know, but Jack and Michelle mostly barely talk ;)

[xandra73]

[catch22girl]

Thank you!!! Yeah, that's kind of the way I can see it too. It wasn't a decision, lol, Michelle was like STOP and I was like...okay. Characters sometimes want to talk.

It's much more likely than the other scenario, imho.

[xandra73]

[catch22girl]

I'd be honored :)