23 minutes...

Oct 13, 2018 11:53


Sitting here watching the cursor go “blip blip blip” on the blank page. Ten minutes…twelve. Imagining paragraphs of words yet to be written, but where do I start? A stream of consciousness blows; how about this…



I’m coming around to full perspective, shredding away from where I once lived in our double blur. It happens with every attempt to combine souls to a point where you end up somewhere outside of yourself. Breathing in sparse oxygen that resides somewhere between your flesh and mine as we swim between worlds of bliss and compromise, now I'm fully submerged and drowning. Where the sweet scent of singularity is heavily muted with irreconcilable standpoints, subtle expectations, we wince from the sharp bladed reality of incompatibility. Our hands hold each other tightly to maintain that sustainability although I’m cut by shards of self-centeredness to the point where I cannot remember how to fuck without a sense of self-interest. A cloudy perspective shrouds; I attempt to impersonate meaning through a haze of discomfort.

The act of living in a moment of content but so tarnished in doubt. I do love you, but I cannot live in this free float, timeless space of love without feeling birds peck my heart to pieces. To love is to also love what is possible for you regardless of what that results for me. There are precious circumstances in your life which I cannot satisfy, and don’t see myself mustering up determination to do so no matter the many opportunities. We are two astronauts floating in space. Our planet so out of sight, we float among the infinite darkness. Time slows to the point of standstill. There is no paved mission to what is forthcoming. We launched this rocket ship with nothing more than an interest of right now. And now, years later, we overwhelm this journey towards the fog of what’s next.

A last-ditch effort.

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