Dark of the Moon Review - Part 2: 'Til All Are One
A Brief History of Time and Transformers
SO. Once upon a time, way back in 2007, Michael Bay, Demigod of Explodey Stuff, made a movie called Transformers. Most people remembered The Transformers as a cartoon show and line of toys from the mid-80s. As a matter of fact, it was more than that: just counting the series that had a mainstream release in America, there had already been seven animated series - not seasons, but entire series, each with its own unique cast and premise - produced. (Another one started up to coincide with the 2007 movie and finished in 2009, and a ninth series is currently underway.) (Oh, and we don’t talk about Transformers: Energon.) There had been countless comics published by three separate companies. (We don’t talk about Dreamwave Comics.) There had been novels and short stories. (We don’t talk about Hardwired. There’s a lot that we Transformers fans don’t talk about.) There had even been a movie before - a full-length animated cinema release in 1986.
Out of this rich history, Bay’s film drew most heavily on the original cartoon series and the old animated movie, especially in re-establishing the classic premise: Two warring factions of alien robots from a planet called Cybertron land on Earth. The ability to scan and mimic Earth vehicles allows them to hide among humans. The war continues on our planet between the Autobots (good guys, believe freedom is the right of all sentient beings, like grooving with the humans) and the Decepticons (bad guys, obsessed with power and conquest, really tightly wound but also frequently have more fun).
However, the live-action movies also took risks and innovated. For example, instead of looking for sources of energy for their dying planet, both sides were chasing a mystical artefact called the AllSpark. The films also moved away from the traditional, blocky look of the robots, giving them instead a more fluid, organic appearance to emphasise that they’re mechanical life forms, not like the machines we have on Earth.
It’s a love-hate thing. Or maybe a hate-hate thing. Tough to tell after all these years.
The first film was a lot of fun, focusing on the adventures of Sam Witwicky, an Ordinary High School Student who unwittingly inherits a map to the AllSpark, which gets him hunted by the Decepticons, under their leader, Megatron, and his boot-licking, back-stabbing, ass-kicking, snark-dispensing, all-around-glorious second-in-command, Starscream. (Hey, guess who’s my favourite character!) Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots, sends a young warrior named Bumblebee to protect Sam, and to be Sam’s car and his best friend and his robotic alien lover. Okay, Optimus probably didn’t intend the last bit, but it’s essentially canon. Ultimately, Sam kills Megatron and destroys the AllSpark to prevent it falling into Decepticon hands, and the Autobots become permanent refugees on Earth.
This is more dramatic because you can’t see Sam and his girlfriend making out on Bumblebee’s hood in the background.
Then came the second film, Revenge of the Fallen. We don’t talk about Revenge of the Fallen. (Really, it’s remarkable that Transformers fans ever manage to have conversations at all. We’re like the bloody Freemasons or something.) Okay, actually, RotF had its moments of genius. There were some great new characters introduced, it was very funny at points, and it worked in a lot more Decepticon internal politics, which is frankly one of the major reasons I watch Transformers. (Also, the slash factor got cranked up to eleven, which didn’t hurt from my perspective. J) But the film was marred by a fairly nonsensical plot, a truckload of poorly-explained mythology, a manufactured conflict between Sam and his girlfriend (because they got together in the first movie, and, apparently, stable couples don’t make for good drama), and an attempt to convince the audience that the Big Bad of the first movie had actually been in thrall to an evil mastermind behind the scenes the whole time. That can work in some cases, but those are generally cases where a) the Big Bad of the first movie isn’t, you know, THE GUY WHO’S THE MAJOR ANTAGONIST IN ALL PREVIOUS SERIES, and b) the newly revealed evil mastermind isn’t a total pushover who gets slaughtered shortly after he finally makes his entre onto the battlefield. Oh, and there were two Jar-Jar-Binks-level racial caricatures running around. I mean, seriously.
Really, guys?
On the plus side, Starscream gained a bunch of tribal tattoos. Which is pretty ludicrously awesome, considering that Starscream is a fighter jet. With tattoos.
Shut up, it’s wicked cool.
Revenge of the Fallen ended with the Autobots triumphant, and Megatron and Starscream going off to raise babies together. You think I’m kidding, don’t you? (Actually, they were “breeding new warriors”. The breeding process was never fully explained, but… there aren’t any female Decepticons. I’ll just leave you to chew on that for a moment.)
A gloriously badass Shockwave against the smoking ruins of a Decepticon-controlled Chicago - this is where we all knew that the third movie was going to be epic.
A very quick summary of Dark of the Moon: The Autobots find out that an Autobot ship, sent out from Cybertron at the height of the civil war, crashed on Earth’s moon. The ship was discovered by humans during the moon landings, and kept secret ever since. Onboard is Sentinel Prime, Optimus Prime’s mentor and the former leader of the Autobots, who was carrying the components of a space bridge (transporter system, basically) so that he could find resources to send back home to restore his war-torn planet. Optimus manages to revive Sentinel, but it turns out that the Decepticons discovered the wreck long ago, and stole the space bridge components; they only need Sentinel Prime himself to activate them.
I have been, and always shall be, your friend… psych!
Then it’s revealed that Sentinel is willingly helping the Decepticons, and has made a deal with Megatron to transport the whole planet of Cybertron into Earth orbit, where they plan to use human slave labour to rebuild their world and rule it together. With Sam’s help, the Autobots take on the Decepticons and save the day, killing Megatron and his top lieutenants, along with Sentinel. Sam manages to rescue his best friend (/alien robot lover), regain his sense of purpose, and win the insipid affection of the most irritating love interest in recent cinematic history, so two out of three ain’t bad.
It’s a strong story, well executed, and, as I said, a fitting end for the trilogy. And now, for those of you who are still so patient that you’re staying with me, let’s break this movie down - The Good, The Bad, and the Ambiguous.