FIC - Nightmare,[NC-17], L/K, 1/3
Title- Nightmare
Author- cattm
Part- 1/3
Date- Sept 2008
Rating - NC-17
Pairings/Characters- Lee/Kara
Word Count- 1014
Category- Ficlet
Genre- AU, H/C, will change.
Archiving- Here, The Fallout Shelter, Apollo/Starbuck Fan Fic, FF.net, all others please ask
Warnings- None so far
Spoilers- Home
Disclaimers- Just borrowing the characters for a while, no monetary gain.
Summary- Kara is not sleeping calmly.
Nightmare
It’s the whimper that wakes him up. He doesn’t know what it was that woke him up at first, he just knows that something is off, wrong. He sits up, a bit dizzy from sleep, and tries to get his bearings. There is an odd energy to the bunk room. He opens his curtains and peeks out. Then he hears it again. Kara is moving. Not calm movements as in turning over in her sleep to get more comfortable, but something twitchy, jerky. Her curtains are closed, so all he can hear is the sound of it, a restless rustling of her sheets. Then she makes that sound again. A short, desperate whimper that is cut short. He gets cold inside. What’s happening? Then it dawns on him. She’s having a nightmare. Again. There has been a lot of those since her return from Caprica.
He looks around the bunk room again. He’s not the only one that’s noticed. Hot Dog has opened a curtain too and is looking out. The poor kid looks bewildered, lost. Something in his universe is all wrong. The one constant, the cocky Starbuck, shouldn’t act like this. They all feel it, something has changed, and they don’t like it. The life for the pilots is so precarious, so fragile. They never know what’s going to happen next, who’s not coming back. They need their constants. So when one of the most basic constants, Starbuck, acts like this, all bets are off, and everything can happen. Everything can go to hell. He’s noticed it during his briefings before CAPs. There is a nervous energy in the room, and he misses her comments. Every time his eyes pass over the room, he gets stuck on the shadows under her eyes. She just sits there, quiet. She still flies well, she always will, and when she’s in the air, she is almost her old self. She jokes, laughs, makes boasting comments, pushes the nuggets to their limits, makes them all better at what they are doing, but as soon as she is on back on the ground, the energy just runs out of her. She still smiles weakly at him if he’s there, and he makes sure that he is if he just can arrange it (and lately he has been pushing things to arrange that), and every time he sees that smile, he gets more afraid. She is tightly wound.
He can hear her breathe. Short, gasping breaths, erratic. He has to do something, he can’t take this anymore. He has to help her somehow. He pushes the curtains all to one side and swings his feet over the edge. He looks over at Hot Dog and says ”It’s ok. I’ve got it.”
Hot Dog looks grateful, relieved. The CAG will set things right. Lee just wishes he knew how. The weight of being CAG has been increasingly heavy lately. He hasn’t realized before how much help she has been giving him, and how much of the spirit has relied on her, not him. In fact, without Starbuck, Apollo wouldn’t be even near as good a CAG as he is with her.
He jumps down on the floor and walks over to her bunk. She is still moving in some way, still breathing shallowly, almost hyperventilating. He takes a deep breath and opens one curtain to take a peek. Her head is moving on her pillow, her face contorted. It’s like she’s shaking her head, no, no, no. His hand reaches out, hovering above her cheek for a moment before he gently stills her head. She takes a deeper breath, but doesn’t wake up. Keeping his hand on her cheek, cupping it lightly, he crawls up beside her and closes the curtain behind him with his free hand.
”Shhhh”, he whispers. ”I’m here, Kara. It will be all right”. Will it? He doesn’t know. But he has to believe it. He has to help her. He can’t take this, not when it’s her. He stretches out beside her, propping up his head on one elbow, without breaking contact. He strokes her cheek. She seems somewhat calmer. He whispers in her ear. He doesn’t know what he’s saying, he just keeps mumbling sweet nothings, all the comforting things he can think of. Her breath slows down, and she turns a little towards him. His breath catches.
She is wearing her tanks and some briefs. The tanks have ridden up during her thrashing, baring part of her stomach. His gaze travels over her, and then he sees it. A scar. It looks fresh, puckered, in the dim nightlight that filters through the threadbare curtains. Pain twists inside him. What happened to her? He should have been there. He should have protected her. The pain is mixed with a little anger. Why did she break away from him? Abandon him, leave him alone in space, jump away? Now, after the fact, he can understand her, and he also knows that he wouldn’t have let her do it if he had known about it. His hand moves to her stomach. He traces the scar with light fingers. She sighs.
”I’m sorry”, he whispers in her ear, his nose almost touching her temple. Then he leans back a little again. He looks around her bunk. The pyramid ball is resting on the shelf above. Again he wonders what happened on Caprica. She’s holding things back. Doesn’t want to tell him. And it’s eating away at her, hollowing her out. He closes his eyes and lowers his head again, this time really touching his nose to her temple. He inhales. She still smells the same. Kara. He takes long, deep breaths, filled with her smell. He whispers her name. She shifts again, curling up against him. She seems calm now. He raises his head and looks down on her. Then he lays his head down on his arm, his forehead against hers.
”I’m here now, Kara”, he whispers and closes his eyes.
”I’m here”. His hand is still resting on her stomach when he falls asleep.
***
So, some author's notes:
This is my first try to write fanfiction. I'm aware of several problems with it. I don't think Lee is very much in character, for instance. I place this as some time after Home, but ignore Adama being shot and all that. I've only seen the episodes once, so I don't have a clear recollection of everything (I also watched them all in a very short time, which was nice, but makes them somewhat blurry in sequence in my memory). I also only wrote about one scar here, when she should have two. The other one is so far still covered by her tanks. Was that a convenient explanation or what?
It's not a terribly original fic, nor that well written, but it's mine and you have to start somewhere, right? I have written two more parts, and I'm mostly experimenting so far, so they have their share of problems as well. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, as are other opinions. :-)
Oh, and if someone would like to do some beta reading, I'd love to get some help.
Author- cattm
Part- 1/3
Date- Sept 2008
Rating - NC-17
Pairings/Characters- Lee/Kara
Word Count- 1014
Category- Ficlet
Genre- AU, H/C, will change.
Archiving- Here, The Fallout Shelter, Apollo/Starbuck Fan Fic, FF.net, all others please ask
Warnings- None so far
Spoilers- Home
Disclaimers- Just borrowing the characters for a while, no monetary gain.
Summary- Kara is not sleeping calmly.
Nightmare
It’s the whimper that wakes him up. He doesn’t know what it was that woke him up at first, he just knows that something is off, wrong. He sits up, a bit dizzy from sleep, and tries to get his bearings. There is an odd energy to the bunk room. He opens his curtains and peeks out. Then he hears it again. Kara is moving. Not calm movements as in turning over in her sleep to get more comfortable, but something twitchy, jerky. Her curtains are closed, so all he can hear is the sound of it, a restless rustling of her sheets. Then she makes that sound again. A short, desperate whimper that is cut short. He gets cold inside. What’s happening? Then it dawns on him. She’s having a nightmare. Again. There has been a lot of those since her return from Caprica.
He looks around the bunk room again. He’s not the only one that’s noticed. Hot Dog has opened a curtain too and is looking out. The poor kid looks bewildered, lost. Something in his universe is all wrong. The one constant, the cocky Starbuck, shouldn’t act like this. They all feel it, something has changed, and they don’t like it. The life for the pilots is so precarious, so fragile. They never know what’s going to happen next, who’s not coming back. They need their constants. So when one of the most basic constants, Starbuck, acts like this, all bets are off, and everything can happen. Everything can go to hell. He’s noticed it during his briefings before CAPs. There is a nervous energy in the room, and he misses her comments. Every time his eyes pass over the room, he gets stuck on the shadows under her eyes. She just sits there, quiet. She still flies well, she always will, and when she’s in the air, she is almost her old self. She jokes, laughs, makes boasting comments, pushes the nuggets to their limits, makes them all better at what they are doing, but as soon as she is on back on the ground, the energy just runs out of her. She still smiles weakly at him if he’s there, and he makes sure that he is if he just can arrange it (and lately he has been pushing things to arrange that), and every time he sees that smile, he gets more afraid. She is tightly wound.
He can hear her breathe. Short, gasping breaths, erratic. He has to do something, he can’t take this anymore. He has to help her somehow. He pushes the curtains all to one side and swings his feet over the edge. He looks over at Hot Dog and says ”It’s ok. I’ve got it.”
Hot Dog looks grateful, relieved. The CAG will set things right. Lee just wishes he knew how. The weight of being CAG has been increasingly heavy lately. He hasn’t realized before how much help she has been giving him, and how much of the spirit has relied on her, not him. In fact, without Starbuck, Apollo wouldn’t be even near as good a CAG as he is with her.
He jumps down on the floor and walks over to her bunk. She is still moving in some way, still breathing shallowly, almost hyperventilating. He takes a deep breath and opens one curtain to take a peek. Her head is moving on her pillow, her face contorted. It’s like she’s shaking her head, no, no, no. His hand reaches out, hovering above her cheek for a moment before he gently stills her head. She takes a deeper breath, but doesn’t wake up. Keeping his hand on her cheek, cupping it lightly, he crawls up beside her and closes the curtain behind him with his free hand.
”Shhhh”, he whispers. ”I’m here, Kara. It will be all right”. Will it? He doesn’t know. But he has to believe it. He has to help her. He can’t take this, not when it’s her. He stretches out beside her, propping up his head on one elbow, without breaking contact. He strokes her cheek. She seems somewhat calmer. He whispers in her ear. He doesn’t know what he’s saying, he just keeps mumbling sweet nothings, all the comforting things he can think of. Her breath slows down, and she turns a little towards him. His breath catches.
She is wearing her tanks and some briefs. The tanks have ridden up during her thrashing, baring part of her stomach. His gaze travels over her, and then he sees it. A scar. It looks fresh, puckered, in the dim nightlight that filters through the threadbare curtains. Pain twists inside him. What happened to her? He should have been there. He should have protected her. The pain is mixed with a little anger. Why did she break away from him? Abandon him, leave him alone in space, jump away? Now, after the fact, he can understand her, and he also knows that he wouldn’t have let her do it if he had known about it. His hand moves to her stomach. He traces the scar with light fingers. She sighs.
”I’m sorry”, he whispers in her ear, his nose almost touching her temple. Then he leans back a little again. He looks around her bunk. The pyramid ball is resting on the shelf above. Again he wonders what happened on Caprica. She’s holding things back. Doesn’t want to tell him. And it’s eating away at her, hollowing her out. He closes his eyes and lowers his head again, this time really touching his nose to her temple. He inhales. She still smells the same. Kara. He takes long, deep breaths, filled with her smell. He whispers her name. She shifts again, curling up against him. She seems calm now. He raises his head and looks down on her. Then he lays his head down on his arm, his forehead against hers.
”I’m here now, Kara”, he whispers and closes his eyes.
”I’m here”. His hand is still resting on her stomach when he falls asleep.
***
So, some author's notes:
This is my first try to write fanfiction. I'm aware of several problems with it. I don't think Lee is very much in character, for instance. I place this as some time after Home, but ignore Adama being shot and all that. I've only seen the episodes once, so I don't have a clear recollection of everything (I also watched them all in a very short time, which was nice, but makes them somewhat blurry in sequence in my memory). I also only wrote about one scar here, when she should have two. The other one is so far still covered by her tanks. Was that a convenient explanation or what?
It's not a terribly original fic, nor that well written, but it's mine and you have to start somewhere, right? I have written two more parts, and I'm mostly experimenting so far, so they have their share of problems as well. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, as are other opinions. :-)
Oh, and if someone would like to do some beta reading, I'd love to get some help.