Ficlet - Food

[cattygabriel]

In response to this meme.

Prompt 087 - Food. For divine_tempest . Warning: utter crack.


The two archangels crouching behind the kitchen table held their breath, as one of them miracled the oven door open. Gabriel winced slightly, waiting for the explosion or at least the sharp smell of burning brimstone and sulphur -

- that never came. He blinked, straightening up. Uriel remained in his wary crouch, casting a suspicious glance at the oven. “Is there any smoke?”

“No,” Gabriel responded, eyes wide. He approached the oven as one might approach a cornered hellhound, hardly able to believe his senses. “I think… I’ve just baked a cake.”

Uriel straightened up as well, though he remained behind the table - which, incidentally, was lying on its side so as to be a shield - ready to hide behind it again. “After the last time you tried cooking, or rather, boiling pasta, I think my doubt is justifiable. I mean, it resulted in you having to stay here.”

“I think I’ve found a new flat that’s suitable,” Gabriel murmured distractedly, pulling on ridiculously pink oven mitts and carefully pulling out the baking tray and inhaling the delicious smell. Uriel stared at it. A perfect chocolate cake stared back.

“We've performed a major miracle,” Gabriel grinned widely. “You’ve actually helped me cook something with no property damage whatsoever.” Setting it down on the counter, he turned to get the chocolate frosting and a butterknife. Uriel continued to stare at the cake.

“Gabriel?”

“Hmm?” Gabriel turned around. “Do you have one of those piping bag thingies to draw patterns or pictures with frosting?”

“Gabriel, the cake is … bubbling.”

Gabriel stared at it. It had indeed begun to bubble oddly, as though there was roiling lava just beneath the surface. “… Oh dear.”

The cake exploded, spattering every surface in Uriel’s kitchen with what appeared to be molten chocolate. There was certainly a lot more of it then there should have been.

Gabriel wiped some off his face, blinking through chocolate as the kitchen came back into focus. There was a brown-and-red blur coming towards him, and he squinted. At the sight of Uriel’s furious face, dripping with chocolate, he winced again.

“If you dare peep into the kitchen for the remainder of your stay, I will smite you so hard you will find new accommodations in a matchbox, Gaḇrî’ēl.”

~*~