(no subject)
when am i ever going to get ahead?!?!
working full-time, making more money now, and YET...
today's payday is gone, save for the week's groceries.
reallyreallyreallyreally want to scream.
reallyreallyreallyreally want to scrap the diet program that's
costing me weekly for a big plate of spaghetti (that's the frustration talking).
feel terrible because i have cancelled planned visits with
people who put me in touch with myself and my mind at ease.
sad because my mom worries ALL. THE. TIME. (me broke, sister ill,
brother broke and ill) and she helps me get by, but she shouldn't
have to by now. i HATE having to ask her for help. (you know me,
i don't use the word 'hate' unless i mean it)
i miss feeling free.
i miss surprise windfalls and spontaneous thrills.
i miss shudders and shivers and gasps and sighs.
i miss drinking.
i miss spaghetti.
shit.
shit. shitshitshitshit. fuck. dammitgoddammit. fuckfuckfuckfuck. fuck. me.